I Ain't One To Gossip, But........

Josh Duhamel.

D-list actor best known for being married to a Pea....a Black-eyed Pea.

And now he's known for being a douche.

It seems Prissy McDuhamel was escorted off of a plane this week after he refused to turn off his BlackBerry.

See, he's a celebrity, or he was a celebrity, or he's married to a celebrity.

It seems that Joshy was on a flight from New York to Kentucky, when, according to sources--and by sources I mean baggage handlers--he was asked by a flight attendant to turn off his BlackBerry before takeoff, and he refused.

One passenger says Duhamel was "very rude" and "taunting the attendant." who ALLEGEDLY told Josh to turn off the device three separate times, and on the third time Josh laughed at his request.

Well, rather than grabbing a beer and going all Steven Slater on Duhamel, the flight attendant called for backup, and the plane, which was already on the runway, was turned back to the gate. Two US Airways representatives boarded the plane and escorted  Prissy Duhamel off of the aircraft.

Duhamel's rep said Josh was texting on his BlackBerry about his flight being delayed, and the rep adds, "He's sorry."

Oh, yes indeed, he is sorry.

D-list dumbass.

Kelsey Grammer is getting married!

Again!

But, um, before you try to find out where Grammer and his future wife, 29-year-old Kayte Walsh, are registered, let's wait for Kelsey to divorce his third wife first.

Kelsey's representative, Stan Rosenfield, says, "They are engaged. They never really announced it. They are very happy and very much in love."

There was, however, a sort-of-announcement, when Walsh began appearing in public wearing a ginormous diamond engagement, so the need for a formal announcement was unnecessary.

There was, though, an announcement over the summer that Grammer's third wife, Camille Donatacci--who costars as the resident crazy on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills--filed to end their 13-year marriage, citing irreconcilable differences, named Kayte Walsh.

Donatacci, a 41-year-old former Playboy model and dancer--and by dancer, I mean, she has her own pole-- has two children with Grammer.

An online gossip source--and by source I don't mean me-- says, "You don't have to be officially divorced to get engaged -- at least that's how Kelsey Grammer sees it, and he's given Kayte Walsh a gorgeous diamond ring to prove it."

No, you don't have to be divorced to get engaged again, but it would be nice.

And to think that just a couple of years ago she was the wacky cat lady in her Scottish village, going to karaoke at the local pub.

Now, however, according to Cliff Dane of Britain's Sunday Times Rich List, Susan Boyle is worth about $16.5 million.

That's a lot of pints. And cat food.

Here's what Dane had to say about it:

“Unlike a lot of artists who write songs and have heavy touring commitments, most of Susan’s income has come from old-fashioned record sales, mostly CDs as opposed to downloads due to the nature of her fanbase. I estimate she is currently worth $16.5 million based on royalties and advances accumulated to date.”

That's our SuBo.

Doin' it old school.

I smell desperation.

Oh, wait, it's not desperation, it's Russell Crowe.

It seems that Russ wants to do a sequel to his wildly successful film, with the mile-long title, Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World.

Which would be fine, but it seems as though Russell is the only one interested in a sequel, and is now using Twitter to drum up interest, starting a twittering campaign to make a sequel.

Master and Commander: From Even Farther Across The World, Down The Block, Around The Corner, Up The Stairs, In A Drawer, Behind The Socks.

Here's a little Crowe Tweet:

"If you want a Master and Commander sequel I suggest you e-mail Tom Rothman at Fox and let him know your thoughts"

Wow, had I known that all it would take to force another bad sequel to another bad movie I've never seen would be a Twitter account, well, I might just head back and start Twatting, Tweeting, or Twitting, some more.

Once again, the US is two steps behind.

In fact, we're a whole fox trot out of step.

Other renditions of Dancing With The Stars from around the world have featured same-sex couples as partners on the show and there was hope that the trend would continue here in America.

Not so much.

Word came that ABC was looking to have Mrs. Ellen Degeneres, Portia de Rossi, become one half of a girl-girl dance team, but now Portia has said No.

And now ABC and Dancing With The Stars have decided NOT to feature a same-sex couple.

Here's what a source--and by source, I mean the woman who had to let out Blister Palin's costumes each week--says: "If Portia had agreed then this would have been a done deal. She was the only star that could have pulled this off without completely offending the program's conservative viewers."

And what about the shows more open-minded viewers? Oh, really? There aren't any?

Here's what a Hollywood casting director says: "With all the debate going on about Don't Ask, Don't Tell in the country, this would have been the perfect time to do this. Yet, the show has never been about pushing the envelope. It's a huge hit because it doesn't make anyone uncomfortable."

Oh, I disagree. Watching some poor slight man try to hoist Blister Palin into the air makes me horribly uncomfortable. Watching Kate Gosselin ape-walk made me nauseous.

The very idea of the show makes me uncomfortable.

Jake Gyllenhaal is NOT happy with paparazzi, and they don't like him either.

So there!

It seems that while Jake was driving his ::::gulp::::: lady-friend, Taylor Swift, around Beverly Hills, he became infuriated with paparazzi trying to take their photos, so he called the police.

And the LAPD, because they have nothing better to do than make sure Swiftenhaal are not bothered, ALLEGEDLY sent over unnecessary amounts of support on the ground AND in the air.

I know!

Gossip site--and by gossip site I don't mean this one--x17 watched the madness and reported: “I don’t know why Jake was in such a bad mood. We saw him and Taylor in the car and when we tried to see where they would park to get out, Jake went crazy. It’s like he didn’t want anyone to get a shot of him and Taylor together. I mean if he’s going to do set-up shots with the paps like he did last week, what’s the difference?!”

I don't know what about this story is more nauseating.

That the LAPD goes full-on commando raid to protect a couple of celebrities, or that Jake Gyllenhaal is dating Taylor Swift.

Seriously, Jake. Taylor Swift?

Honey. No.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.........

Okay, so Paris Hilton gets arrested and does the Excuse Three Step.

It's not my purse.

I thought it was gum.

I'm a dumbass.

Yeah, the last one works.

See, even though Dimbulb Hilton said the purse was a friends, earlier this summer she Tweeted a picture of her new Chanel purse, and, yes, you guessed it, it's the same purse.

Twitter.

Crime solver.

But then catching Paris Hilton in a lie is like shooting ignorant illiterate drug-addicted heiresses in a barrel.

Just sayin'.

Now, remember when Jim Parson won the Emmy for The Big Bang Theory?

Yeah, I'd forgotten, too.

But, I do remember saying, and blogging, that Jim seemed a little light in his loafers.

Get it?

He's a Friend of Dorothy?

Got it?

He could have his own show on Bravo?

Now do you see?

Okay! He's queer, dear.

And now comes the story that instants after winning his Emmy this year, Jim Parsons proposed to his boyfriend of several years, Todd Spiewak.
According to sources--and by sources I mean stagehands with nothing better to do--Jim walked right off stage and into the arms of his his man, saying the only thing that would make the Emmy win even better would be if Todd agreed to be his husband.

And he said Yes. Isn't it romantic?!?
Where else, but at the Emmys, and definitely the Tonys, could a couple of queens get engaged?

Poor Snooki.

She escaped jail time, but not poo time.

Snooki's punishment--besides having that picture all over the net--for being a sloppy, drunken, obnoxious mess on the shores of Seaside Heights was two days of community service and a $533 fine.

But the real punishment came when it was learned that Snooki's community service would include volunteering at the Popcorn Park Zoo in New Jersey, cleaning out animal cages.
Yup.

Snooki is a Sooper Pooper Scooper.
I think the punishment fits the crime, as she is clearly full of %$&@ and forced to pick it up.

Susan Boyle has ALLEGEDLY left Los Angeles in tears after being snubbed by a songwriter who refused to let her sing one of his hits on America's Got Talent.

Yup, not everyone loves La Boyle.

It seems that Susan Boyle came to L.A. to perform the song "Perfect Day" on the show, but sources--and by sources I mean Hare Krishna at LAX--say that producers needed permission from the songwriter, Lou Reed.

But at the last minute they were informed that Reed refused permission because he isn't a Boyle fan, and when Susan found out, she dissolved into tears, and literally flew away.

Reed, and America's Got Talent have refused to comment.

Oh, my two favorite things!

Not.

It seems that Lindsay Lohan, desperate to make herself look like an actress and not a convicted criminal, drug addict wacktress, is looking to spill the beans to Oprah Winfrey.

Lohan and O. I believe that is a sign of the apocalypse.

A source--and by source I mean any one of the myriad Lohan drug dealers and hangers on, like Mama Dina--say:

"Things are heating up in a good way. Definitely some good conversations. We're crossing our fingers it works out for Oprah's last season."

Though nothing is ALLEGEDLY locked in with Lohan, the possibility is high. Lohan needs to spin her lies, and Oprah needs ratings for her last--thank god--season. And, while Lohan has considered several television options, she is laying all her hopes at the altar of The O.

What's odd, however, is that some sources--and by sources I mean the Head Cookie maker at Chateau O--says that it was Winfrey who went after Lohan.

Wow, O more desperate than Lohan.

Who knew?

Well, Nicollette Sheridan must be kicking up her heels.

The former Desperate Housewives diva has been given the go-ahead by Judge Elizabeth Allen White to sue the pants right off her old boss, Marc Cherry, for ALLEGED assault and battery, gender violence, wrongful termination and discrimination based on sex, sexual orientation and age.

Sheridan is asking for $20 million.

Cherry's lawyers tried to sway the judge by asking Nicollette's lawyers to clarify the discrimination portion of her complaint, but Judge White wouldn't hear it. Literally.

So, get ready for an epic, old style Hollywood courtroom battle.

ABC will come in with guns blazing.

Nicollette will come in freshly botoxed.

And I wonder if the other housewives will have to testify.

This might be--hell, it will be--better than the show.

Oh boy, oh boy! This could get interesting.

We know that Danielle Staub is gone, but people are wondering who will join the mayhem when The Real Mafia Wives Of New Jersey comes back for it's third table-flipping, bitch-slapping, hair-pulling season.

Some people are saying Teresa is a goner, but with an $11 million debt, Low Hairline needs the job. Some are saying that Caroline and Jaqueline are pulling their mafioso family out of the picture, though they love the attention.

All Andy Cohen will say is:

"We're focusing right now on Season 3 of New Jersey; we know that Danielle will not be a part of that, all else is to be determined. We haven't begun production on Season 3 and can't really speculate who's going to be a part of it."
I'm thinking it might become the Teresa Giudice Show. She's got four kids to feed, a hairline to razor upwards, and a hubby who's about as useful as a dictionary in this family.

I won't watch, because, once you've seen one table flip, it loses all sense of reality.

Bristol Palin is taking dancing lessons from ABC, and grudge-holding bitch lessons from the Mama Grizzly Bore.

The show, um, Dancing With The Not-So-Much Stars As Desperate For Attention Wanabes, hasn't started yet, and Bristol--or as Wonderman so lovingly calls her; Blister--is already being Kate Gosselin Diva.

She is demanding that her former boyfriend, tuned baby daddy, turned fiance, turned former boyfriend, turned nude model, turned fiance, turned former fiance, Levi Johnston, be barred from the audience.

A family friend--and by that I mean Mama Grizzly Bore--says:

"The last thing in the world Bristol wants is to look up from her cha-cha-cha and see his big goofy grin looking at her."

Yeah, I like to think that many is the time that Blister has looked up from her, um, cha-cha, and seen Levi's goofy grin, but I digress.......

Bristol, who shares custody of son Tripp with Levi, will be living in Los Angeles with her baby once the show goes live each week, and Mam Grizzly Bore is expected to erect barbed wire fencing and electric gates around Bristol's vagina to keep Levi at bay.

Should be fun!

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.......

Barbra Streisand has written a book, y'all!

No, not about her life! Babs don't tell

Instead, she has authored a book on interior design, called My Passion For Design, which really is nothing more than a tour of her own homes and their decor. It's more "Look at me and my fabulous life" than it is "And then I chose this fabric for the drapes because it matches my eyes."

But that isn't what worries me. No. Take a gander at the cover.

Doesn't that dog look terrified?

I bet he's not supposed to be on the couch and he knows that once the picture is taken, Babs is gonna slash him with a French tip.

I'd be scared, too.

Just rumor. Just speculation. But that's what you came for so here it is: It looks like Glee, known for its fantastic casting--Idina Menzel, Kristin Chenoweth, and NPH--just might have hit the mother lode. Susan Boyle. As.The.Lunch.Lady. Apparently it isn't entirely set, but Glee creator Ryan Murphy would like to have Boyle on during the Christmas episode next season. Susan Boyle. Glee. Christmas. Indeed! You know, I understand when actors try to model their careers on the lives of someone they admire, but Jonathan Rhys Meyers is taking it to the next level. He seems to want to be the new Lindsay Lohan. Like we're through with the old one! See, he's checking himself into rehab for the fourth time after getting all drunk and N-wordy on a flight from New York to London. Jonathan was banned from boarding--and subsequently permanently banned for life--a United Airlines flight at JFK in New York because he was too drunk. But this isn't his first drunken bad time at an airport. Last year, he was arrested at a bar in Paris' Charles de Gaulle airport for reportedly challenging police to a fight. He was also taken into custody in Ireland in 2007 for drunkenly fighting with airport staff. Hmmm. Airports. Drunk. Someone needs to stay off planes. And outta bars. And away from anything resembling Lohan. And, speaking of Lohan and booze.... Crazy could see some jail time. See, instead of sending Lohan to jail after her infamous DUI arrest, LA judge Marsha Revel required that the wacktress attend one alcohol education class per week., saying it would allow Lohan to get a handle on her addictions.

As.If. And, ALLEGEDLY, Lindsay has only completed 10 out of 13 classes in the two years or so she's been given, so the judge wants her back in court to answer for her actions. Sounds fair, except that Lohan is in Cannes, promoting a movie she hasn't made yet, in which she plays a porn star.....typecasting....and has come up with a number of excuses as to why she might miss her court date.

First up, it was that nasty Icelandic volcano.

Then the weathermen cleared all that up, so the excuse became that her passport was stolen. Except she never reported it stolen.

So, now there is one mighty pissed off judge in California.

UPDATE: a warrant was issued for Lohan's arrest. They're gonna ankle-bracelet her and subject her to random drug tests.

Life's a party, eh, Linds?

Now, don't get me wrong. i like me some Beyonce, but is she the only female recording artist out there?

I mean, the BET Awards have just nominated her for a bunch of 2010 music awards for an album that came out over two years ago.

Best R&B Female? Seriously?

Didn't she already win that one for the same album?

Is there no one else out there?

Is this thing on?

Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?

Hellooooooooooooooooo?

I'm liking this news because I like Desperate Housewives and I love Vanessa Williams.

I love that she was the first Black Miss America before being dethroned for doing some nudie-patootie pictures.

But, did she disappear? Nope. Sink into the sand in shame? Nope.

She is probably the most famous former Miss America EVER. Go on, think of another one....I'll wait.

Told you so.

And now that her bitchy turn as Wilhelmina on Ugly Betty is over, she's taking the attitude to Wisteria Lane.

I.Can't.Wait.

That's NeNe Leakes from The Real Housewives Of Atlanta up there.

Before. And after,

Nose.Job.

She was a fine lookin' woman before, but now she looks like a bad Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum rendition of Mary J Blige's mama.

Just sayin'.

I Didn't Say It.......

New Zealand speed skater, Blake Skjellerup, coming out of the closet:

"The first real issue was that I was there [at the Olympics] to compete--to focus on my skating--and to not have the focus on my sexuality. We are not yet at the point in society where being gay sportsperson is not a big deal. If I was asked during any of my twenty-something interviews at the Olympics whether I had a boyfriend or a girlfriend--in the same sentence--I would have replied honestly, but I may have replied hesitantly....Gays are too often given a stereotype. Back when I was 18, and becoming serious about my sport and my Olympic goals, if I could have seen an athlete like myself out there--with whom I could relate to--my journey would have been a lot easier. Johnny Weir meets a specific stereotype, I meet a specific stereotype and Gareth Thomas meets another. Being gay is just like any other personality trait: it’s multifaceted. I can’t personally relate to Weir or Thomas, and nor will many other young gay athletes out there. But maybe some of them will see something in me to relate to. The more types we provide, the more we’ll appeal to people [who are struggling with their sexuality.]"

Sandra Bullock, on why she won't be making any movies any time soon:
"All I know is that I want to be able to enjoy being a mom. Doing all the things moms get to do, outside in the sun, in the world. The career will have to wait for a bit. I don't want to step into that world until I can find out what room I left my armour in. You need tough skin to be in this business. I don't have tough skin right now and I don't want it."

Madonna, on taking some time off from her music to focus on her upcoming movie, W.E.:
"I haven't really been focused as much as I should be on the music part of my career, because the movie has consumed every inch of me. Between that and my four children, I don’t have the time or energy for anything else...[and]...it's weird. I don't have a record deal right now with anybody. I don't know how I'm going to get my music out the next time I make a record."

Demi Moore, on :::yawn::: staying youthful:

"I would say that a lot of sex helps. It's the endorphins! But there's more than that, it's also sharing a quality life with someone. I know I have someone who loves me for who I am and who I'm not. He loves me for my imperfections and that makes me feel so happy....I've aged, I don't look the same as I did in my 20s and 30s. But you've got to make the most of what you have."

Susan Boyle, on plastic surgery:

"I would like to have my teeth done. But that would be it. I don't want to change too much of myself. I won't be looking like Barbie any time soon."

Congressman Patrick Murphy, on the fight to repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell:

"After my three years in Washington, I think when folks tell you to walk away, that’s usually a sign that you’re getting close. So we have to keep working, people need to call their members of Congress, their Senators. Obviously, the letter was a setback, but I know we’re on the right side of history here and we’re going to keep fighting till we get this done this year...I said from the get-go that just because change is hard it doesn’t mean it can’t happen. We have a bi-partisan bill to repeal 'don’t ask, don’t tell' in the House of Representatives. We have Republican support, we have Colin Powell now on board, we even have Dick Cheney calling for repeal. We need to keep fighting."

Servicemembers Legal Defense Network head Aubrey Sarvis. on Obama, DADT, and the protests:

"In his State of the Union message President Obama said repealing 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' was the right thing to do. But Friday evening President Obama did the wrong thing, and in doing so he and Secretary Gates delivered a devastating blow to getting repeal done this year. Their joint political decision showed a lack of respect for our LGBT service members who are on the frontlines every day risking their lives for our safety.

As a result of the Commander in Chief's decision to defer to Secretary Gates' wishes and timeline, gay service members will continue to be treated as second class citizens, and any sense of fairness may well have been delayed for yet another year, perhaps for another decade. The President did not sound like a fierce repeal advocate. He sounded like someone who wants to have it both ways. And that is not leadership. That is politics as usual."