It's Snarkurday!

Do not piss off Madonna; she holds a grudge longer than a mob boss. But, if you find that you have pissed off The Aging Diva she just might call you out in front of a packed arena.

Last week, during a concert in the Philippines, Madge shared a story of betrayal with the crowd:

“Once I had a Filipino trainer — this beautiful, beautiful girl. She was gorgeous and very talented as a trainer, but she f**ked my boyfriend, so I fired her.”

Now, the gorgeous trainer is no doubt Nicole Winhoffer, who worked with Madge for nearly five years before being put in a cement overcoat and sent to live with the fishes.

A source — and you know it’s Winhoffer — says Nicole helped Madonna launch eight branded gyms worldwide as creative director of Hard Candy Fitness but that she left Madonna of her own accord to be a businesswoman.

She is now the Global Ambassador for Stella McCartney’s line of Adidas workout gear and was once a backup dancer for Shakira.

Oh hell no. She went from being Madge’s personal bitch to dancing for Shakira? That’s worse than a Madge Hit … in both song and murder.

It appears that one needs hazard pay while working for Shonda Rhimes … ask Katherine Heigl, Patrick Dempsey and Isaiah Washington who were are ALLEGEDLY booted from a Rhimes’ show for making Mama mad. But now it appears the stars’ physical health is at risk and for that look no further than How To Get Away With Murder’s Viola Davis.

Viola ALLEGEDLY got hurt while shooting a Rhimes-written sex scene on HTGAWM with her on-screen man Nate, played by Billy Brown, and that she had to beg Shonda and the writers to tone it down while she recovered:

“I blew my back out. He threw me up against a wall. All I can say is I was totally committed to the scene. I just told them to slow it down for a minute. I’m going to get back into it. I have to. It’s Shondaland! You know, they’re gonna have me doing all kinds of stuff with all kinds of people.”

Um, Shonda? Honey? If you need a stand-in for Viola for those Billy Brown Sex Scenes, I’m available … no charge!

Is everyone losing millions? I mean, Kanye announced he was like fifty million in debt—though, to be fair, this was before checking Kim’s ass crack for coins—and now Oprah’s losing it, too!

According to CNBC, after a pike in stock prices for Weight Watchers when Oprah revealed that she eats bread, the stock has dropped some 20% in their fourth quarter revenue … meaning the Big O lost about $21 million.

Now, again to be fair, Winfrey has made about $75 million since investing in weight loss … again … and being that she’s Oprah and she can drop $21 million over breakfast at the Waffle House on waffles and sausages.

Sherri Shepherd just doesn’t learn.

Back story: she met a man and married him; he wanted a baby and so they found a surrogate; she paid all the expenses for the surrogate; just before the birth of that baby Sherri decided she didn’t want to be married; she divorced her husband and said the baby wasn’t hers; a judge disagreed but Sherri wanted nothing to do with it; a judge said, ‘Fine, but now, since you paid for everything else, you’ll pay child support for the child.’; Sherri went to court to get it overturned so she could save her coins.

Cut to today: a judge has ordered Sherri to keep those child support checks coming because a lower court in Pennsylvania court ruled that surrogacy contracts are binding.

As for Sherri’s relationship with the child she’s never seen him; the child she so desperately wanted that she opted for surrogacy when outer methods proved fruitless. The child she says she prayed to the Baby Jeebus to give her.

She.Hasn’t.Seen.Him.

PS Sherri’s a devout Christian, but she loves her money more than her child.

Trai Byers — or, as I call him, Trai Booty because, well, isn’t it obvious — ALLEGEDLY wants out off “Empire” because he’s a serious actor and not given enough to do or … maybe “Empire” wants Trai Byers gone because he might be a bit of a diva.

Trai ALLEGEDLY  threw a temper tantrum during filming a few weeks ago and howled, “I don’t get to do enough, I might leave.”

Producers called his bluff and said, “Fine, if you’re not happy, we don’t need you.”

But it isn’t just ‘Empire;’ Byers has also  fired all his reps for not getting him big movie roles.” He was ALLEGEDLY up for a new Muhammad Ali movie and when he didn’t get it, he fired his whole team from his manager on down to the Booty Masseur … and I needed that job!

Still, Fox says Byers is “not quitting nor is he being fired … for now.”

Ow.

“Little Richie” Rocco Ritchie’s custodial agreement blew up over Christmas after he’d been on tour with his mom, Madonna, for months and he just wanted time with his father, Guy Ritchie. He “ran away” to London and has been there ever since, refusing to return to New York for school and refusing to see his mom for Christmas.

A court date was set and it occurred this week, though without Rocco or Guy or Madge … just the attorneys and the judge who had little time for Madonna’s theatrics and Guy’s narcissism.

At the hearing both Madonna and Guy listened in on speaker-phone while the judge declared that Rocco will remain in London for the time being, living with his father and going to a school chosen by both Madonna and Ritchie.

And so Madge is trying to play the “Look! I’ve Changed” card; rather than bashing Guy to his son, or calling Ritchie a “c**t’ while performing onstage — she likes to air her dirty laundry in concert a lot these days — Madge is promising Rocco that things would be different … that she’ll be less strict and controlling. Uh huh. Madge less controlling? That’d be like Oprah quitting pastries.

Still, you gotta hand it to the judge who said this of Rocco’s parents:

“Frankly, both parties have chosen to live their lives in a very public way and may welcome the publicity, but the child has not. He would like this matter resolved and the issues concerning him and his family in the most private way possible.” 

That was right before Madge’s lawyer asked the judge to have Guy arrested for contempt of court.

Yeah … less controlling.

Which One Would You Hit? HTGAWM Edition

Since How To Get Away With Murder, AKA HTGAWM, returned last night, I thought, what better time than to play Which One Would You Hit, clockwise from top left:

Alfred Enoch. as Wes Gibbons AKA Wait List, AKA murderer?

JackFalahee, is Connor Walsh, who uses sex ... with men ... as a means to an end.

Matt McGorry, as Asher Millstone, the high-strung legacy at the university.

Billy Brown, as Nate Lahey, the hot cop with whom Viola Davis's Annalise Keating had a torrid affair.

Charlie Weber, is Frank Delfino, who assists Annalise when he's not seducing her students.

So ...

Which.One.Would.You.Hit?

Which ... One.

Random Musings

Wow, Valentine's Day, AKA Made-up Holiday. 
I hate when the world makes you feel like you must be in love, and you must say 'I love you,' and you must buy the card, the candy, the flowers, the dinner.....
Carlos and i do that every day, so we get to take today off.

Now, let's start with some funny, and by funny I mean that Idiot Known As Donald Trump getting smacked down .......again:

What's the deal with the beautiful Billy Brown?

Last season he became the new cop on Dexter and then he was killed off this season.

Then, I find him on The Following a couple of weeks back and a week or so ago he gets stabbed in the neck and dies.

Can't someone hire him to play a character that lives?

Is that asking too much?

Jeanne Manford, the founder of PFLAG who died last month at the age of 92 [read my post HERE] will be awarded the 2012 Presidential Citizens Medal, the nation’s second-highest civilian honor, in a ceremony on February 15.

President Obama said, via press release: "It is my distinguished honor to award these individuals the 2012 Citizens Medal for their commitment to public service. Their selflessness and courage inspire us all to look for opportunities to better serve our communities and our country."

A quite deserving honor for an amazing woman.

Now, onto anoth'a moth'a ..... Cissy Houston.

She apparently was mighty pissed off that Clive Davis would throw his annual pre-Grammy party this year after her daughter Whitney died last year just before the party.
She called it the epitome of bad taste, and yet ....
She's all over TV the anniversary of Whitney's death hawking the book she 'wrote' about her daughter and her struggles with drugs and their really-not-so-good relationship.
What's good for the goose, Cissy....
Take your own advice and stop talking.

So, we all know I am an awards show whore, and one of the reasons happens to be married to The Good Wife star Julianna Margulies.

Her husband, Keith Lieberthal is one of the most beautiful men ever, and even a brief glimpse of him on the red carpet, or sitting by her side, warrants a DVR playback, stop and pause. He’s the kind of guy who's so gorgeous, that if you saw him in public, you'd stop, look back at him, while pretending to look at something else so your husband doesn't get jealous--and we all know who I mean by that--and the just stare.

Seriously. Even now I can't stop staring.

Plus, he's also a Harvard educated lawyer. Hot, smart and straight.

Two outta three ain't bad.

That FauxNews, they really know how to fact check over there.

In one of their stories about the importance of, um, opposite-sex marriage, they posted a lovely photo of a bride and groom atop the Empire State Building, but had they taken a nanosecond to check out the photo--who's to say it's even a real photo?--they might have learned that the lovely couple is Stephanie Figarelle and Lela McArthur, the first same-sex couple to get married at the Empire State Building.

So in the last  season of Desperate Housewives Max and Charles Carver played the Scavo twins, Preston and Porter. They were 'cute' but, yeah, that was about it.

Now, that's them, back in Teen Wolf and I'm thinking, had they looked like that on the DH those housewives would have had something else to be desperate about.
M'kay.

So, Marco Rubio, rising GOP star. 

You were given the plum assignment of giving to Republican response to President Obama's State of the Union message and yet all anyone remembers is how thirsty you were.

Way to represent.

No, seriously, you totally represented the GOP and their position.

On water.

Vladimir Uruimagov, coach of a London 2012 gold medal-winner, says gay rights activists with a vendetta against masculinity are behind plans to cut wrestling from the Olympic program:

“If they expel wrestling now, that means that gays will soon run the whole world.”

Um, Vlad? If The Gays are gonna run the whole world dontcha think we’d wanna watch sweaty men in tight-fitting onesies wrestle?

Just sayin’.

And now, the Tweet of the Week, in response to the Pope deciding it was 'just too hard':

Random Musings

I sometimes wonder if there are any new ideas left in Hollywood. all those old TV shows are being remade, and there are "reboots" of movies that are scarcely older than a toddler.

Now, Marc Cherry, the man behind Desperate Housewives--which is ending it's run this season--has come up with a 'new' idea. or a reboot of some other show. Or, simply, Desperate Housewives 2.0.

Cherry has a new hourlong soap coming to ABC called Devious Maids; hmmm, "desperate" to "devious" and "housewives" to "maids". Sounds like the same thing in a different package.Oh, except that this show, an adaptation of a Mexican telenovela called The Disorderly Maids Of The Neighborhood, will center on a group of Latina women who are maids in Beverly Hills. It seems that these women, all maids at the same residential condo community, where life is very Wisteria-Lane-like, until a body is discovered in a pool, and all the maids find themselves in the middle of it. kind of like how Susan, Bree, Gabby and Lynette, found themselves in "the middle of it" when they neighbor, Mary Alice, killed herself.
Perhaps Cherry should have called it The Real Maids Of Beverly Hills and co-opted another show in the process. [source]

A lot is being made of a kiss between ALLEGEDLY straight actors, Ashton Kutcher and Jon Cryer, on 2.5 Men this week. I didn't see it because, well, I loathe Cryer, and I like Kutcher only scarcely better than I like Charlie Sheen. But what gets me is all the fuss about "The Kiss". Two straight male characters kissed? 
Woo-freakin'-hoo.
I wanna see a show with fully formed gay characters that kiss, and where the kiss isn't used for shock value or to get a laugh, it's just affection shown between two men. Save that phony Ratings Kiss for someone else.

Marco Rubio, GOP and Tea Party darling, lied. I know. Big surprise. i think the bigger surprise will be when a politician doesn't lie, but I digress.
See, Rubio, a Republican senator from Florida, has long loved telling the story of being the “son of exiles,”Cuban Americans forced off their beloved island after “a thug,” Fidel Castro, took power. Oops, except that's not really accurate. 
A review of documents--including naturalization papers and other official records--shows that Rubio has, um, embellished the facts. In fact, those documents show that Rubio’s parents came to the United States and were admitted for permanent residence more than two-and-a-half years before Castro’s forces overthrew the Cuban government and took power on New Year’s Day 1959.
Well, maybe his parents were psychic and they saw it coming? Or maybe Rubio is simply a liar. And someone who has thrown his own parents under the bus, claiming he's just telling the stories his parents told him, and that he knows nothing of those documents. [source]

I love me some Dexter.
Which is kinda weird to say that one loves a show about a serial killer killing serial killers, but it's very well written and acted, and has some fascinating characters.
And now it has a new, very hot character in Mike Anderson, a new detective on the show.
And he's played by the delicious Billy Brown.
Good writing.
Good acting.
Billy Brown.
What's not to love.