Why Is It ...

… that I think people who ask "Can I call you?" are so sweet. I mean,, obviously you can't but you're so sweet.

… that my patience is a lot like a Gift Card; you never know how much is left on it, but you can give it a try.

… that you live your life hoping to find someone who is obsessed with you and wants all of your time, and then you realize that person is your boss.

… that people who want to be my friend have to understand that I don’t want to talk every day.

… that when I walk into work and my boss says, “You’re late,” I reply, holding out my cup, “It’s pronounced ‘latte’ but thanks.”

… that as I grow older I realize that pleasing everybody is near impossible, but pissing people off is a piece of cake.

… that worst part of a fender bender is getting out of the car and having to meet a new person.

… that NASA can receive data from 47-year-old Voyager 1, which is 15 billion miles from Earth, but it takes me days and days to respond to a text from a friend in town?

I’ve Seen This Movie

A driver involved in a car accident in the Van Nuys area of Southern California gave onlookers quite the sight to see when he emerged from his vehicle, apparently unscathed, and nude.

The two-vehicle crash occurred and the man’s blue truck collided with the curb and created a bit of a traffic jam when the driver of that truck exited the vehicle through the passenger door, naked, with clothing in his hands. He then walks calmly up the street, away from the accident, dropping his clothes along the way.

 

The Terminator, right?

JoeMyGod

Random Musings

Carlos teaches a class after work on Thursdays, so I usually get home from work myself, make a little dinner, peruse the interwebz, and then go pick him up around 8PM.

Last Thursday was no different except ... as I got into my car, I did my usual routine, I clicked the garage door opener, I turned on the car, I fastened my seatbelt and turned on some tunes; and then I did something different; I got my cell phone from the center console to call Carlos and tell him I was on my way.

Then I back out ... and the automatic garage door opener either decided to only open the door part of the way or it decided to open the door all of the way and then lower it as I was backing out.

Crash.Shatter. Luckily, it was just the rear window and no damage to the car or the door. And luckily we have very good insurance which covered the replacement window for no charge, and it was replaced at home while we were at work on Tuesday.

And an upside? Well, apparently there’s a glitch in the Saturn VUE wherein the cargo door will not open using the keyless device. And, get this, there is no way to open the cargo door without the keyless device. There is no hatch button inside the car; there is no button on the inside of the cargo door; and there is no lock in the door in which to insert a key. We have researched how to fix this issue and it’s quite complicated except ...

For some reason when the window in the cargo door was replaced now the door opens again with the keyless device.

At least for now ... so I’m still calling it a win-win.

In New Hampshire, it’s perfectly legal for a man to marry a 13-year-old girl and now, thanks to the state’s GOP for voting down a bill to raise the marriage age, it’ll stay that way.

The current legal marriage age allows 13-year-old girls and 14-year-old boys to marry as long as they have consent from their parents and a judge signs off on it but still, why would lawmakers wish to keep that on the books?

They want to help soldiers. What the what?

The GOP argued that the age increase would block young soldiers from getting married and providing military benefits to their partners or children. Others said the change could lead to more single-parent households.

Hey GOP? If you wanna help soldiers, howsabout helping them not to go to war, or, failing that, helping them when they come back home, wounded and battle scarred, to assimilate back into public life? Howsabout fixing the VA?

Asshats; the lot of them.

You just can’t make-out anywhere these days.

Timothy and Noah were “passionately making out” near an apartment complex dumpster when they were interrupted by the complex’s assistant manager. So, the two men, startled out of their ardor, punched her in the head before she could escape to her car. One of the men banged on the windows and threatened to kill her.

The two men were arrested, of course, and told police officers they were high on pot and mushrooms.

Poor Timothy and Noah Batz ... same last name? A married couple?

Nope, they’re brothers. And now I need a Silkwood scrubdown.

Last Friday it was a glorious 85 degrees in Smallville. The azaleas were blooming, the trees were leafing out, the daffodils were pushing up from the earth.

Sunday it was 25 and it snowed. Not a lot, i know, but still ...

Good thing there’s no such thing as Climate Change, eh, GOP?

Newly out and proud It Boy, Colton Haynes is now newly out and proud engaged to be married, to his boyfriend, florist to the stars, Jeff Leatham.

Leatham popped the question while the two men were in Los Cabos, Mexico, and had a little help from ... Cher! Leatham began the romantic moment with a video from Cher singing their favorite song after she said to the happy couple:

“So, I got you babe! Alright, this is for you, you know what it is, you know what you’re supposed to do now and this is gonna be the best thing ever and you have to call me to tell me how it worked out, alright!”

That video was followed by video messages from their family members and close friends, and after Colton said “Yes!” there were fireworks set to Bruno Mars’ ‘Marry You’ as the couple danced.

This was my proposal: Carlos looked at me and said, “We oughta get married, you wanna?” And I said, “I guess so, what’s on TV?"

Or something like that.  I kid, but congratulations to the happy couple!

So, suddenly he’s everywhere and I don’t know who he is ... Jai Courtney, top. He’s an Aussie actor best known for action films, sci-fi and looking like a brick sh*thouse. I’m intrigued.

I’m also intrigued by Trevante Rhodes, bottom, one of the stars of Moonlight and a star of a new Calvin Klein underwear ad.

I’m just plain intrigued ... and a little hot’n’bothered.

Take note of the above map ... if your state has a red X in it, then there will be major local, state or federal elections this year, and this is where the Resistance comes together.

You know what to do ... send _____ a message that his election was a mistake and We The People are no longer playing.

Check out vote411.org and vote, dammit.

The other morning, Minister of Propaganda Kellyanne Conway was on GMA and was asked this question:

“Do you believe Obama wiretapped _____ Tower?”

And she responded like this:

“There are all kinds of ways to surveil people.”

I shrieked—it was early in the morning so, yeah, I shrieked—at the TV:

“ANSWER THE QUESTION!!!!!”

Later on that morning, I asked Carlos:

“Do you want to ...”

blibbety-blah-blay-blue I have forgotten what I asked him, but I remember his reply:

“We could.”

I said:

“What kind of answer is that to a Yes or No question?”

“I’m just saying, we could ...”

I realized I’m married to a Kellyanne Clone.

I’m having her deprogrammed as we speak.

So, that movie theater in Alabama that won’t show Beauty and the Beast because of The Gay is not alone; now the entire country of Malaysia, through their film censorship board, announced that they would like Disney to cut the “gay” scene because in Malaysia scenes promoting homosexuality are forbidden.

Disney said, “No.”

Good on the Mouse.

Joe Barton, a Republican ... because of course ... from Texas ... because of course ... was holding a Town Hall in his district recently when one of his constituents asked if Barton would work with Rep. Jackie Speier, a Democrat, to sponsor legislation combating violence against women; Barton is a Republican who voted against the Violence Against Women Act. The constituent said:

“Given your voting record opposing legislation protecting women from violence, will you make a commitment to us today, make a promise that you will reach out to Congresswoman Jackie Speier and work with her to see this bill successfully through Congress?”

Barton said he voted ‘No’ because he believes violence against women is a “state issue, not a federal issue” and that was met with a chorus of boos.

A man in the crowd stood up and shouted:

“Violence against women, that’s a national issue! That’s an issue that impacts everyone everywhere, not only in this country, but everywhere!”

And Barton, pointing his finger at that man, yelled:

“You, sir, shut up.”

That did not make his audience happy:

“You don’t tell anybody to shut up! You work for us!”

Not for much longer, I hope.

My Heart Is Broken: Joe Bell Died Last Night

I first wrote about Jadin Bell back in January, 2013. He was 'Another One;' one of our LGBT youth that was bullied and terrorized so horribly that he took his own life rather than endure one more day of torture. See that post HERE.

In April 2013, I posted about Jadin's father, Joe Bell, who was undertaking a walk across America to both honor his son and to raise money for anti-bullying campaigns and awareness of the bullying epidemic in this country. See that post HERE. It was like a ray of light; maybe I wouldn't have to do 'Another One.'

Jadin Bell

In July 2013, I posted again [see that post HERE] about Joe Bell's walk, and the people he'd met and the stories he'd heard; and the struggles he was having on the walk due to having had two knee surgeries, and having two artificial knees. But he would walk in memory of Jadin.

Joe founded an organization, Faces For Change, for money and education and awareness. He was doing all he could to use his own tragedy for something good, to try and make sure no other parent had to hear the news that their child had committed suicide because of bullying.

And now ... this:

Joe Bell was killed last night along U.S. Highway 40 in Cheyenne County, Colorado, when a semi-truck driver reportedly fell asleep at the wheel and hit him. The driver, Kenneth Raven, who was not injured, was cited with careless driving resulting in death.

The walk is over. A post on the Faces For Change Facebook page announced Bell's death Thursday morning:

"Thank you so much for all of your continued support. He loved everyone he came into contact with, and was so appreciative of all your support. … He will continue his journey now with Jadin. Please keep his family in your prayers and thoughts." 

He's Another One, now.

My heart breaks for his family.

RIP Joe Bell, for you were an amazing father while you were with us.

via The Advocate

Jesus Take The Wheel

Boy! Talk about having a bad day, and feeling like it's only gonna get worse.

In Pittsfield, Massachusetts, Brittany Cantarella was cited by police Tuesday after she ran down a man in the crosswalk.

The man was taken to the hospital, treated for minor injuries and released.

So, why is this a bad day for Cantarella?

The name of the man she hit in the crosswalk is Lord Jesus Christ.

In.The.Crosswalk.

I can't imagine that dinner conversation.

What happened?

I ran over Jesus with my Monte Carlo!

Good thing He's into forgiveness, or someone might be going to Hell.

source

Honey? My Wienermobile Is Stuck

Not everyone is in love with the Oscar Mayer Wiener.

Mobile that is.

The famed hot dog's Wienermobile crashed into the deck and garage of a home in Mount Pleasant, Wisconsin.

Police say the driver was trying to turn the Wienermobile around in the driveway and thought she was moving in reverse. But she instead went forward and hit the home. It sat in the driveway as if it were stuck in the garage Friday afternoon.

No one was home and no one was injured. No citations were immediately issued. Both the home and vehicle suffered moderate damage, which Oscar Mayer spokeswoman Sydney Lindner says insurance will cover.

So many times I've had trouble getting my Wienermobile turned around.

Just sayin'.

Fender Bender

Yesterday I was hobbling around the kitchen--it's a light hobble, but a hobble none-the-less--when the phone rang. As I am the kind of person who does not like talking on the phone and will not answer if it's an unrecognizable number, I checked the Caller ID.

Carlos.

Okay. I guess I can answer.

I kid. I press the button Hello?

Nothing.

Hello?

Nothing. I turn it off and wonder if it is Carlos hitting the wrong button, or saying the wrong word. He has that Voice Activation jiggy-mah-giggy--his word--on his phone and I wondered if maybe when he'd said Home the phone thought he said Homo and began fire-dialing around the globe. I do not want to see that phone bill.

So I call him back and it just rings and rings and goes to Voicemail. As I like to panic, because it's a special gift I have, I think Oh God, he's been in a car accident.

I dial again. No answer. And again. No answer.

Finally the phone rings and I pick up--but not before checking the Caller ID because, well, I'm no fool. It's him.

Hello.

I got in a car accident.

Damn me and my psychic abilities!

Turns out it was just a bump from another driver, but Carlos was lucky he called me, the Judge Judy of our house.

Did you call the police?

No.

Call them. You need a police report.

But the girl seems nic--

Call them.

Okay.

And take pictures of the car and the damages.

So he does as the Court Orders and all is well. A dent on the door and a couple of scratches on the fender. Carlos was more hurt than the car, and only emotionally because he loves PatsyEdwina--that's what he calls the car.

Sometimes I feel like Lucy and Ricky, and sometimes I feel like Abbott and Consuelo.