It's Snarkurday!

Poor Chrissy Brown just can’t catch a break. He was set to appear on The Daily Show this week but, wait … what … is that Nick Cannon being interviewed by Trevor Noah instead? Yup, and all because a band of staffers for the show shrieked in unison, “Oh. Hell. No.” to a Brown guest spot.

When the staff at TDS demanded a Brown-free show, host Trevor Noah suggested that they use Chris’ spot to talk about domestic abuse but the staff wasn’t having it. And producers won’t confirmed that Brownie was bumped, but are simply sayin g they hope to “reschedule” him in the future.

And that snub comes on the heels of Chrissy’s Down under Tour, in both Australia and New Zealand, being cancelled because those countries don’t like abusers in their midst.

See, back in September, immigration officials in Australia let Chrissy know that the only way he was getting into their country would be if Johnny Depp and Amber Heard put him in a Yorkie costume and smuggled him in because Australia was going to deny him a visa based on what his violent past. Chrissy’s team of lawyers — on duty 24/7 — tried to get Aussie officials to change their minds, but that wasn’t happening so Chris cancelled the tours in both Australia and New Zealand.

So, here’s where we stand: Chrissy can’t go to Australia, New Zealand, Canada, Great Britain or The Daily Show because he’s an abuser.

Looks like he’s still our problem.

Every year we hear the tales of how infrequently Tom Cruise ALLEGEDLY — I don't wanna get sued — sees, or speaks to, his daughter Suri. But still, it seems clear that ever since Katie Holmes ALLEGEDLY tied the sheets together, swaddled Suri in a Scientology bathmat and climbed out the window at Chez Cruise and fled for New York and a divorce attorney, we have heard that Tom has barely spent any time with his youngest child.

Now, the man works a lot — Scientology is ALLEGEDLY expensive … ask Leah — and maybe Katie and Tom have a very clear-cut visitation rule, but still … Tom hasn’t seen Suri in eight hundred days. And, sure, maybe he does see her and maybe it's just behind closed doors ALLEGEDLY with a team of mediation lawyers in the room, and we don’t see it, but does that sound like the Tom Cruise who used to splash his ALLEGED love for Katie, and then their baby, all over the newspapers from the day this whole ALLEGED mess was arranged by a litigation team? I mean, Tom used to trot out Suri at the drop of a hat and now … eight hundred days.

Just sayin’. Oh, and … ALLEGEDLY.

The last time we talked 50 Cent it was about how maybe, or maybe not, he’s just a big old queen. And before that we talked about 50 Cent and that judgment against him for $7 million to the woman whose sex tape he posted online without her consent. 

And we heard his lawyers say that poor Fiddy was barely worth his name and had no money to pay. But, lord, that man is dumb, or something, because he recently posted an Instagram photo, and a video, of the inside of his fridge filled with stacks of money.

Yeah, nothing says “I cannot afford that seven mil” like an icebox full of cash. 

I’m waiting for his lawyers to pounce, saying it wasn’t his money … hell, it wasn’t even his refrigerator.

Taylor Swift likes to play herself off as the most wholesome of creatures; like she stepped right out of a Disney cartoon, with tiny little bluebirds carrying her coat for her and raccoons driving her limo. But … that might not be true.

According to BBC News, a bunch of endangered birds in New Zealand almost found themselves homeless this week after Swifty banished them from the set of her latest music video on the beach where they nest.

New Zealand conservationists are claiming that the beach belongs to the New Zealand dottorel and that the birds were at risk of losing their home when the crew responsible for working on Swifty’s new video, Cherokee Films, drove too many trucks onto the sand.

Now, Cherokee Films has since released a statement saying that Swifty and her team of cartoon lawyers aren’t at fault for this mess, and had no involvement in planning where on the beach the video would be shot; and they also claim they didn’t hurt any birdies or violate any permits.

Still, I wouldn’t be surprised to soon be seeing paparazzi shots of Taylor covered in cartoon bird sh*t.

Usually when we heard of Hollywood feuds it’s between a couple of D-list actresses. Not so this time, when the spat is between A-lister Channing Tatum and Z-lister Alex Pettyfer.

Pettyfer has a reputation in Hollywood of being a douchebag-psycho- diva-bad-boy and it was no secret that  Pettyfer and Channing Tatum had some major spats with each other during the filming of Magic Mike … which may explain Pettyfer’s absence from the sequel.

But now Pettyfer is trying to set the record straight about the tiffs … by admitting to them, and saying Channing was mean to him because Pettyfer is so sensitive … for a guy who ALLEGEDLY has the phrase ‘You Are Here’ tattooed about his boy bits.

When asked if the two butted heads on set of the 2012 flick he said yes … “Because Channing Tatum does not like me — and for many reasons … I was scared to speak. I actually did my work and I sat in the corner and listened to music because I had been told anything I did was wrong by my reps. I was very insecure as a human being. That also gave me a bad rep because everyone was like, ‘Alex doesn’t speak because he thinks he’s better than everyone else.’ That’s not true. I was just generally nervous and scared to be myself. I was in character.”

Wait. So he was quiet on the set, doing his job, working on his, ahem, craft, and made Channing hate him? Try harder.

Well, things got worse when Pettyfer, who was renting a home from one of Tatum’s friends during filming, skipped out without paying the bills; according to Pettyfer, he “couldn’t breathe” in the apartment because of mold and dust so he left and, um, “forgot” to pay rent due because his cousin had died … or the dog ate his lease … or something.

“All of a sudden, I got a very negative email from Channing saying, ‘Don’t f**k my friends. You owe money. Pay the f**king money. Don’t be a clown.’ And I really took that the wrong way, which I shouldn’t have, and emailed him back and said, ‘I’m in a real negative headspace and can you respect me for a moment and blah, blah, blah.’ And I got hounded through this time of grieving for money. By the end of it. I just said, ‘F—k them, what is money when life is so much more. I’m not paying.’ And I should have just paid. I think he was looking for an excuse to not like me.”

Okay, so what have we learned: men catfight as much as women and Alex Pettyfer is a douche.

Class dismissed.

So, yesterday we learned that Holland Taylor is a card-carrying lesbian and has  never officially “come out” because she’s pretty much always been out and hasn’t been hiding … except no one outside of her circle of friends and family knew it, but I digress.

Holland admitted that she’s currently in a serious relationship and her girlfriend brought up the idea of them getting married but Holland will not be divulging the name of said girlfriend because there’s a huge age difference between them… so I will.

ALLEGEDLY.

As a lot of sites have been saying, Holland’s much younger girlfriend is American Horror Story ­actress, and thirty-two years younger, Sarah Paulson. Sarah and Holland have been spotted out and about together during the past few months and, well, Sarah’s and Holland’s Twitter feeds are basically the two of them reTweeting what the other has already Tweeted.

It’s cute, no?

I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Newly divorced Papa Joe Simpson, father to celebrated weightwatcher Jessica, and celebrated lip-syncer Ashlee, spent his 56th birthday on Miami's South Beach with handsome, decade’s younger, male model Jonathan Keith.

Joe, whose actual birthday was February 18, played amateur photographer, snapping picture after picture of the 21-year-old shirtless Keith lying in the sand, or emerging dripping wet from the surf. Then the pair reclined side-by-side in the sun while Papa Joe, a former minister, was snapped smoking an unknown substance from a vaporizer-type device.

Simpson was quick to shoot down speculation that he and the much-younger model were romantically involved:

 More mis-information in the news. The guy in the pics is my modeling Client. He was in Miami taking agency meetings. That's it!!"

Okay, so your client is in town for meetings, but he spends the day sunbathing with you and posing provocatively on the sand? I thought photographers took the pictures and agents took the meetings?

Methinks Joe doth protest too much, or maybe he’s just embarrassed at having a boy toy young enough to be his son.

Just sayin’.

So, Miley Cyrus has taken her Bangerz on tour; and by Bangerz I mean her new music, not her tongue or her breasts which she loves to expose at the drop of a paycheck.

Miley spent her time onstage twerking in a thong, singing some, playing a Monica Lewinsky type while giving a stage blow job to a Bill Clinton type — how au currant, riding a hot dog, simulating masturbation, wearing a Pot Print leotard and generally begging for attention.

And now parents are in an uproar because their prepubescent teens, whom the parents bought the tickets for, and who drive the kids to the shows, are crying foul. Many are demanding their money back because they never expected Miley — known more lately for rubbing a foam finger on Robin Thicke’s crotch and simulating anal sex onstage — to be so vulgar.

Uh huh.

Last week we talked Kim Kash Kow Kardastrophe and her penchant for plastic surgery, so now let’s talk about her ass. See, it appears quite fair to say that Kimmy K got butt implants — I mean, just look at that picture up there — because she has an entirely new, and Toyota-sized posterior. But Kimmy K ain't happy y'all are talking about her booty and she's asking people to stop suggesting she had fillers injected into her buttocks because it’s just not true.

:::head snap foot stomp call to Kanye:::

Here’s the Kash Kow Twitter rant:

“I’m seeing all these nonsense tabloids claiming I have butt implants-injections. Get a life! Using pics of me 15lbs skinnier (before I had my baby) comparing to me now! I still have weight to lose. Anyone who has had a baby knows how hard it is to lose weight (especially the last bit of weight) and your body totally changes! Making fun of me pregnant and making fun of me trying to lose weight now shame on you. I’m not perfect but I will never conform to your skinny standards sorry! Not me. And BTW I’ve lost a lot so far and I’m proud of that! Don’t give young girls a complex!”

Two things to note:

A] the pictures are from 2005 and 2010, before she had a baby, so stop with the "baby weight" theory that you carried in your ass or something, and ...

2] Kim says anyone who claims she had injections is just wrong, but she doesn’t say a word about those hard bits of plastic, or little silicon chicken breast things going sluuuuurp into her ass.

It would be nice if she’s just own it. I mean, she has to lug it around everywhere, right?

Poor baby.

Chris Brown is being sued by the guy who claims the serial abuser berated him with the words, "I ain't down with that gay s***" and then beat him, broke his nose and ordered his bodyguard to join the fray. This is the same incident for which Brown is currently being prosecuted for misdemeanor assault.

Parker Adams claims in his $3 million lawsuit that he was outside the W Hotel in D.C. last October when Brown went nuts on him.  Now, as abusers do, Brown denies any wrongdoing and is now claiming that Adams was the aggressor who tried to force his way onto Chrissy’s tour bus.

We’ll have to see if this plays out in court, where Adams is suing both Brown and Christopher Hollosy — the bodyguard — for $1 million from each, and another $500K each for punitive damages.

I imagine Chrissy will go all Kanye and settle out of court.

And speaking of Kanye … It now appears that there is trouble in the House of Kardastrophe because Kanye wants to take control of Kim’s “career” — that alone makes me laugh till I cry — away from That Woman and run it into the ground all by himself.

A source close to the Kardastrophes — and it’s probably Bruce, between manicures, hair plugs and surgeries — says:

“Kanye is now totally in charge of Kim’s career and his non-stop wheeling and dealing is leaving Kris out of control. Kanye has managed to get Kim to cut her magazine and media appearances by a shocking level and that’s going directly against Kris’ plan to seize every publicity opportunity offered to her daughters. Kanye has [also] ordered Kim to run out the clock on several of her fashion endorsement projects, including the lucrative deal with Sears which she shares with her sisters. His goal is to get people to respect Kim and take her seriously."

I’ll stop there because, again, laughing. Seriously. Kim K?

And although That Woman was seen praising Kanye, and semi-joking, “He’s mine now!”on a recent episode of their craptastic show, rumor sys she and Kanye barely speak off-camera.

Well, of course, if he runs her career, how is That Woman gonna pay for her decades younger boyfriends, and all those trips to the plastic surgeon? I mean, it’s not as if any of her other children are making the pay.

Janet Jackson is said to be in desperate need of a divorce from her third husband — of just a couple of years — Wissam Al Mana. Once happily wed, now it seems as if Janet has no Control and she is not at all happy about it.

Still, it’s been said that she’ll happily divorce and move on, as long as the check has a bunch’a zeroes on it, but Wissam ain’t playing.

A source — and it has to be LaToya because what else has she got going on — says Janet is telling everyone she’s miserable because her billionaire husband doesn’t want her to work, and now she is setting up a defense team to challenge the prenup so she can walk away with major coin.

Rather than, just say, walk away since you're worth some $200 million yourself..

So, last week we talked that Heidi Klum was dating one of Demi Moore’s little boy cast-offs — and then we found out that maybe Heidi and Seal are reuniting — but this week, it’s all about 51-year-old Demi ALLEGEDLY cheating on her 30-year-old drummer boyfriend with 23-year-old actor Alex Pettyfer.

A source — probably Rumer, Scout and Tallulah since they love to dish about their Mama   — says Demi sashayed into a recent Hollywood party in a bizarre white romper ensemble — the better to seduce young lads, eh? — and managed to steal the limelight from all the twenty-something’s in the house. After exchanging air kisses with the party host, Demi spotted Pettyfer across the room and walked as fast as her aging hips would carry her over to him.

 “It was like they were long lost lovers,” the three "eyewitnesses" says. “Alex actually picked Demi up off the ground and swung her around, and then he kept both arms wrapped around her waist as they caught up.”

Caught up, because I imagine that Pettyfer went to school with one of Demi’s children and used to come by Casa Kutcher-Moore to do homework and Demi marked him as her new conquest in case of Ashton hot-tub-schtupping some random blond.

And remember, this is the same Alex Pettyfer who is said to have a “Thank You” tattoo right above his junk in case he forgets to mention it. So, say Thank You, Demi, as you leave the cash on the nightstand.

Do you remember when Aussie actor Sam Worthington was supposed to be the next big thing? He was in Avatar and he was everywhere and people said he was the Second Coming of Clooney. Or something.

Well, after Avatar, Sam made Clash of The Titans, which did well enough, but the sequel, Wrath of the Titans, bombed like no one’s business. Now he mostly makes news for being a drunken fool in public, or, in this case, getting arrested for punching a photographer in the face.

First, let’s backtrack: last November Sam was arrested for disorderly conduct after he pushed a doorman for refusing him entrance to an Atlanta club; the doorman said Sam was too drunk to be allowed in, but Sam shrieked at the guy that he was a DEA agent, even though what he meant was that he was an actor playing a DEA agent.

And now, a mere three months later, he’s been arrested for assault.

Worthington was charged with assault after he punched a paparazzo who had ALLEGEDLY and accidentally kicked his wife, Lara Bingle, outside a Greenwich Village bar. Sam was released on bail but will appear in court at a later date.

From Avatar to mugshot in two easy steps.

Sidenote: a newly released videotape shows that it was Laura Bingle who assaulted the camerman first, and then Sam joined in on the beating.

We all remember Justin Bieber‘s drag racing, DUI fun night, right?

Well, because the Miami PD basically effed up the investigation the Florida State Attorney wants to offer Biebs a plea deal which would essentially drop all the other charges in exchange for That Little Boy abstaining from Sizzurp and weed.

Except Justin don’t wanna do that!

Here are the conditions of the deal: all charges dropped if Justin pleads no contest to reckless driving, complete 40 hours of community service, attends an alcohol education course, attends a “victim impact panel” to listen to the stories of DUI victims, and install an ignition interlock device for 3 months.

But here’s the rub: prosecutors also want Bieber to submit to random drug testing, and not just in Florida.  He’ll have to submit his travel plans to the court and authorities will set up random testing wherever he happens to be, at his expense, and testing will last between 6 and 9 months.

Well, that snapped That Little Boy’s hide and he foot stomped and head snapped and pissed himself because he will never accept drug testing of any kind at any place anywhere ever. He has a problem with weed and the Sizzurp — think Lohan and her probation misdeeds over the last seven years — but mainly they say he won’t accept the deal because if he screws up, and you know he will, it frees up a judge to throw the book at him.

Literally. A judge will find a large, heavy book and throw it at him; maybe that’ll teach him a lesson.

UPDATE: the prosecutors in Miami say if Bieber doesn't take all of the deal, including the random drug testing, they will take the case to court where that judge is said to be practicing the Law Book Toss.

Oh Katy Perry, if you’re gonna model on the runway you need to act like a model and not a spoiled self-indulgent diva who thinks all that matters in the world is you.

It seems Katy was in Italy last week for Milan Fashion Week, and was asked to walk the runway for her friend Jeremy Scott’s new collection. The problem is Miss Thang showed up nearly n hour late — and holding up a show for any reason screws up all the shows that follow — and so the audience essentially booed her off the stage.

But Katy wasn’t having it and stood at the end of the runway, posing, arms on her hips, and shouting at the crowd, “You’re all gonna get your picture, so shut the fuck up!”

I think it best if Katy STFU.

After months of Robin Thicke singing song after song about his schlong, and after months of Robin Thicke groping the ass of any woman who asked to have her picture taken with him, and after months of Robin Thicke being photographed in clubs making out with random women, and after nine years of marriage, his wife Paula Patton has kicked his ass to the curb:

“We will always love each other and be best friends, however, we have mutually decided to separate at this time.”

Sad? Not so much. When you’re married to a man who sings odes to his dick and treats women like sexual toys, the marriage is long over.

Say g’night Robin. You’re basically done, but your wife has a long career ahead of her. Maybe someday, in the not too distant future, she’ll let you make her a Café Latte at the Starbucks where you’ll be working.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

I know. She's an idiot. I mean, she stashes cocaine in her vah-jay-jay. ALLEGEDLY.

But now, little Miss Paris Hilton is being blasted by Sarah Shahi, "star" of something called 'Fairly Legal', as being the "worst driver ever" because Paris ALLEGEDLY almost hit Shahi.
Trouble is, Paris says she wasn';t driving anywhere that day: "I was so shocked when I read that, too. First of all, I wasn't even driving that day. I just came back from Vegas with my boyfriend--and we were home relaxing. I hadn't even been in the car that day. I literally came with a driver from the airport went to my house."
Paris then lamented that perhaps it was someone who just looked like her.
Seriously? There's more than one vacuous blond bimbo with the IQ of soap and a cooch full of coke driving around LA.
Well........maybe.
Then  Paris goes on and on crying about the team of Paris look-a-likes "who do it for a living....always doing things and I'm getting blamed for it."
Marcia! Marcia! Marcia! 
Sarah Shahi won't back down, though, and ranted on Twitter--because how else do people communicate these days--about Hilton:
"Paris Hilton- worst driver ever. Almost hit me, then ran a stop sign.what if there was a kid around the corner, you dumb b--ch."
Shahi then called Paris a "horrible excuse for a human being" and a "blonde piece of sh-t".
Okay, so where's the rant? 

Because no one noticed, Kate Hudson announced she's engaged to Muse rocker, and her upcoming baby daddy, Matt Bellamy on The Today Show this week.

During a live interview with Matt Lauer, where Kate kept swatting her left hand through the air, Lauer finally broke down and mentioned the rock on her ring finger.
Hudson laughed: "It just happened a week ago, I'm so glad you noticed,. I haven't really announced it and I felt like the announcing thing feels so silly, and I was just waiting for someone to notice."
Which is why I've been batting my hand around like I'm hailing a freakin' cab before someone would ask me!!!!
Then Kate got all coy, refusing to discuss wedding dates or arrangements.
My guess is that she'll show up on Wendy Williams in a wedding dress and wait for Wendy to 'notice' it.
Just sayin'.

Talk about a fright.

Last October, Daniel Radcliffe admits he was terrified to hear Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling announce to Oprah that she might write another Harry Potter book, or two. Although Rowling has always insisted that she was done with seven books on the Junior Wizard, she said, "But you never know!"
Radcliffe was heard screaming, Every time I try to get out, they pull me back in!!!
After a team of paramedics revived him Radcliffe says he texted Rowling so her could clarify her comments. He won't say what she texted back, but I think it was along the lines of How did you get this number?
But it may take Rowling a long time to write books eight through forty-seven, and by the time they come to be filmed, Radcliffe will be too old to play a boy wizard.
At least that's what he hopes.

Glee spoilers! Glee spoilers!

And, no, Bret Easton Ellis hasn't been asked to write an episode.
But Mister Shue, Matthew Morrison, is talking about upcoming episodes, including the one where someone on the show will die.
Holy Moldavia Batman!
You mean someone more important that the Warbler mascot bird, Pavarotti?
Morrison says: "Somebody's dying. Obviously I'm not going to tell you who it is, but it's no-one that you would probably expect. The episode right before the finale is called 'Funeral'. We were actually at a funeral home yesterday, shooting all day. It was a very taxing day."
Someone.Dies.On.Glee?
What.Will.They.Sing?
Who do you think it is?

Talk about everything old being new again. or every old movie being made new again.
Former California Grope-enator, Arnold Schwarzenegger, is being shopped around Hollywood like a whore with a coke stash.

And Arnie is said to want to star in.....ANOTHER.....remake of 'The Terminator'. I guess he meant it when he said, "I'll be Bach."
And I thought he meant Johann Sebastian. Now that's a movie worth seeing.
Unfortunately there is no screenwriter attached yet, because most screenwriters are like, Um, this has been done, to death, and back again. But a director, ah, that's  a whore, er, horse of a different color has expressed interest. Apparently, Justin Lin, who is responsible for 'Fast Five'--the fifth installment of The Fast and The Furious, because four weren't enough--is getting wooed to helm the project.
Who's up for seeing Ah-nold back onscreen in Terminator: Rise Of The Man-Boobs?

Poor Lindsay.
After being sent back to the big house, er, the Lynwood Correctional Facility--where she was incarcerated for the unbelievable amount of five hours--Lohan is now crying that she's being punished because she's a celebrity.

Car thief? Jewel thief? Drug addict? Kidnapper?
Oh, yeah, how unfair.
A source close to Lindsay--and by source I mean Mama Dina who has a news crew permanently stationed in her home lest she go five minutes without publicity--says, "She is being treated differently from everyone else because she is famous. We were all in shock when she was forced to return to jail just to make an example out of her. It's not right. Especially when she is working so hard to live a healthy life."
Last week, a judge ruled that Lindsay, who has been accused of stealing a necklace, was in violation of probation and was jailed for five hours before someone--a drug dealer, I'm thinking, because she's his best client--got her out.
Dina, er, the source, adds, "She is innocent and can't understand what is going on. She didn't steal any necklace and will be found innocent. It's obvious this is only happening because she is famous and anyone that thinks celebrities get away with stuff or let off will think again after seeing this."
Hey Lindsay, listen up you utter moron: if you were Lindsay Lohan, working at the Forever 21 store in Dayton, Ohio, and had done all of the things you've done in your short stint of adulthood, you'd have been locked away for years.
Years.
So do not play this Poor me crap.
And do not make me go to my manicurist and have my Fuck You nail reapplied.
Please. Go to jail. Do not pass go. Do not talk, whine, cry.
You're over.


Rob Lowe, or, as he's known by his porn name, Raw Blow, must have a pretty selective memory. See, in his new auto-biography, 'Stories I Only Tell My Friends,' he conveniently glosses over his six-year relationship, engagement to, and loss of a child with, actress Melissa Gilbert.

Lucky for him Michael Landon isn't alive. He's take Lowe out behind the barn for a whoopin'.
In her tell-all, 'Prairie Tale,' Gilbert revealed she'd had three nose jobs by age 20, struggled with drugs and alcohol, and then wrote page after page about her love affair with Rob Lowe, including losing his child.
Rob Lowe, on the other hand, in his book, dishes about his Hollywood bromances with Charlie Sheen and Sean Penn, dining out with Chris Farley and many more important things than a  six-year relationship. Of course, he also makes scant mention of his infamous--because of the underage girls--sex tape.
In Melissa's book she mentions Rob Lowe 77 times.
In Lowe's book, he mentions Gilbert 4 times.
Guess the relationship and the miscarriage meant more to her?
She writes on and on that she "fell instantly, hopelessly and stupidly in love" with him, then wallows in the anguish of losing him. He talks about how, when Gilbert's mom tried to keep them apart, he began spending more time with Charlie Sheen and his brother, Emilio Estevez. He makes absolutely no mention of the length and intensity of their relationship, their brief engagement and Melissa's miscarriage.
I guess it meant more to her than to him. He had buddies to drink with and underage girls to screw.
Just sayin'.

Bon Jovi rocker Richie Sambora has checked himself into rehab. Again.

And not just for rocking the Jane Fonda in Klute wig. But, for, among other things, like, um, sobriety "issues". A source--and by source, I mean Denise Richards, because she's the go-to source for all things Sambora or Sheen--says, "Richie recently has been drinking too much, and wants to get his life together."
He also checked himself into rehab for exhaustion.
Exhaustion rehab? Seriously?
Is there a rehab for everything now, because I may need a Bravo rehab one of these days. Or a Logo rehab. Top Chef: Rehab.
But Sambora, who's been on tour with Bon Jovi, says he needs time to regroup. And take a nap. ALLEGEDLY.
A friend--Hi Denise--says: "Richie has had a busy year. I think this was a culmination of all the things that overloaded his life and finally he realized he needed to take care of himself."
This isn't Sambora's first time at the rehab rodeo. He made his first appearance at the career boosting rehabbing Cirque Lodge back in 2007, right after he divorced his wife, Heather Locklear, and broke up with his girlfriend, Denise Richards.
Maybe he needs a Blonde Starlet rehab?


This guy is a pig.
He thinks he might be the next Robert DeNiro, when he more like the next Robert DeLusional. But self-titled Hollywood bad boy, and wannabe movie star, Alex Pettyfer, has given an interview where he discusses everything, from a sad, sick tattoo, to his hatred for LA.

The star--hee hee, I giggle at that.....star....--of 'I Am Number Four'--remember when it was in theaters for an hour or so?--gave a candid interview to VMAN magazine where he revealed that he has a tattoo, right above his crotch that says, "Thank You".
I imagine the proper tattoo should have said, "That isn't a toothpick, it's my dick."
Pettyfer, ever the gentleman, says he got the tattoo, "in case I forget to say it."
Oh, honey, you don't have to say Thank you. Just leave the money on the nightstand. Or the passenger seat. Or the next urinal.
Pettyfer, who was once considered, by himself mostly, to be on the Hollywood fast-track to stardom, until his head got ginormous--making his penis appear even smaller--now says, "I really don't give a s**t about any of that. I wish I had some interesting stories about living in L.A., but mostly I just do my work and then go home. Being an actor is like being in prison. You go, you serve your time, you try and replicate Johnny Depp's career and then you move to Paris."
Oh, honey, you're no Johnny Depp. He has talent.
And it seems that Hollywood, like me, has developed a distaste for Pettyfer. After rumors of his ALLEGED erratic behavior, most bigwigs in Hollywood are steering clear of Pettyfer.
Unless they're wearing a Hazmat suit.

Looks like 'Two and a Half Men' will be back in the fall, and it will be Sheen-less.
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

'Men' creator Chuck Lorre is ALLEGEDLY working on a reboot of the I-have-no-idea-why-it's-so-popular sitcom, and Sheen is out, though Jon Cryer, who without this would have no career whatsoever, is in.
Winning!
Cryer has ALLEGEDLY been presented with a plan that would focus on his character, Alan, and a new character--someone Sheen-like, but not Sheen--who has yet to be cast. Lorre has ALLEGEDLY presented  his idea to a few Hollywood players, and the network and studio are aware of his intention to overhaul the series.
Though no actor has emerged as the frontrunner to replace Sheen--both Rob Lowe and John Stamos were rumored--the network has yet to schedule the return of 'Two and a Half Men.'
But CBS could be eying it as a mid-season launch.
Or it, like Sheen, could just go away.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But......

Just a few short weeks after getting out of her 32nd try at rehab, Lindsay Lohan was charged with theft this week.
Hey, a girl's gotta make a living. it isn't like Hollywood is knocking at her door anymore.

And La Lohan's lawyer is working both sides of the fence in an effort to keep Lindsay from jail [again]. She says, after reviewing the police reports, that she believes the wacktress can avoid jail time, but, um, yeah, she's also working on a plea-deal to keep crazy out of the slammer.

Which is it? Lohan didn't do it, or, Let's Make A Deal?
Lohan mouthpiece, Shawn Chapman Holley, took her odd case all the way to CNN--because that's how things are done in this Anything For Fame society--saying she believes the case is "defensible" but that she's ready to "entertain" offers.
Holley: "Ms. Lohan maintains her innocence, and now that I've seen the police reports, I believe the case is entirely defensible. Having said that, we will entertain a discussion concerning a plea if it means no jail so that she can move forward with her recovery and her career."
Uh huh, that's what Lindsay gets from hiring a lawyer based on an after-midnight TV commercial.
The wacktress pleaded not guilty this week to felony theft charges for ALLEGEDLY stealing a $2,500 necklace from a Venice Beach jewelry store. Superior Court Judge Keith Schwartz revoked Lohan's probation, released her on $40,000 bail and told her, "You are in a different situation now with a felony filed against you. If you violate the law, I will remand you and set no bail."
That might be best for Lohan. all these little slaps on the wrist haven't done anything to stop her from acting like a spoiled, self-indulgent, self-entitled, former movie wacktress.
I wonder where she gets it?


Oh yeah.
Dina Lohan.

Mother of the Year.

Enabler.

Fame-whore.

Now, and this causes me to giggle, Dina Lohan, wackjob mother of the wacktress, says that, ahem, Lindsay' huge break at not being sent straight to prison for jewel theft is because, ahem, there's a higher power at work here, and that her daughter is thankful for another chance.
Dina Lohan, said with a straight face--and it's really straight because she just came from her bi-weekly Botox treatments: "All good. God has a big plan."
Wow, Dina thinks god is up there working to help Lohan?
Well, that settles that argument. Dina is the more delusional Lohan.

Well, it seems the Spaceship Church, er, the Church of Scientology is ALLEGEDLY under federal investigation for human trafficking and using unpaid labor, in part due to work ALLEGEDLY performed on behalf of Scientology Queen Tom Cruise.

The charges surfaced in a profile of Oscar-winning writer-director Paul Haggis, who left Scientology in 2009 after 34 years following a disagreement with church officials.
Now, it also looks like a $100 million lawsuit was threatened, because, now, all of the sudden, it's just Scientology, and not Miss Cruise being investigated.
I'll say it again: it's the church and not the lady being looked into.
i say all this because, after consulting with my checkbook, I see that i don't have $100 million handy, so......
The 2009 investigation into abuse claims against the church, indicate the abuse charges relate to, in part, paying church members just $50 per week to meet _____'s demands, which included customizing a building and repairing boats and motorcycles.
Of course, Miss ______ released a statement denying the allegations and any knowledge of the investigation, and said the New Yorker "irresponsibly" used "discredited" sources to write a misleading article in an effort to attract attention.
Uh huh.

They say things come in threes.
Celebrity deaths.
Stooges.
The number of pounds in the average Charlie Sheen brick of cocaine.
The number of hours until Lohan screws up again.
Threes.

And now, former TV, um, for lack of a better word, star Jaime Pressly, of My Name Is Earl--and I'm fairly sure, having never seen the show, that she was not earl--has discovered the power of threes.
First up: She has pleaded not guilty to DUI--drunk driving--charges that resulted from a January 5th arrest. Pressly was stopped for a traffic violation, failed a field sobriety test and registered a BAC of 0.22--nearly three times the legal limit. Not guilty.
M'kay.
Second up: Shortly after her arrest, Pressly filed for divorce from Simran Singh, her husband of 16 months. Thirdly: After she filed for divorce, her baby daddy, not her husband, mind you, one DJ Eric Cubiche, filed charges to be granted full custody of their child, a 3-year-old son named Dezi.
Like I said, The Power Of The Threes.
DUI.
Divorce.
Child custody.
And, well, looky here, in Pressly's case, it might just be The Power Of The Fours.
She also faces close to $600,000 in tax liens from the IRS.
Sucks to be her, I'm guessing.

New Hollywood IT boy, Alex Pettyfer, is making quite the name for himself in Hollywood.
As a bitch.

Pettyfer--who opens this week in his first major film, I Am Number Four, which will no doubt soon be called This Is Number Two--already has the massive ego of, say, a Mel Gibson, or a Tom Cruise.
It seems that last year, at the tender age of 19, while working on Number Two, er, Four, Pettyfer discovered that his $250K paycheck was less than someone else’s on the set, most likely Timothy Olyphant.
Well, he cursed and Lohan'd and stomped his feet and pouted, and demanded a raise, because, you know, being 19 and being paid a quarter-of-a-million dollars is kind of an insult, because he's Alex Pettyfer and all.
Well, DreamWorks, the studio behind # 2, er, 4, played all hard ball, and told the demanding diva No raise! Alex Pettyfer then refused to cash his checks.
Dumbass say what?
That'll show 'em.
Now, Pettyfer has taken to blowing off marketing meetings and behaving like an irresponsible child, or Lindsay Lohan, on upcoming projects. In fact, with no starring role under his belt, except for the horridly titled Number Four, Alex has now decided his price to star in a film is $10 million.
Yeah, it looks like Dina Lohan is his momager, too.

I don't watch The Apprentice because Trump's hair frightens me, and because, let's face it, it's a stupid show. i mean, when the behind the scenes catfights are more interesting than what's onscreen, well.....

Big-headed, and formerly huge-bodied, Star Jones is one of the "apprentices" on this next go round, and so is NeNe Leakes, whose main claim to fame is that she is a trashy real Housewives of Atlanta bitch.
And, ALLEGEDLY, these two divas do not get along.
In fact, it's gotten so ugly that Star had to hire her own security detail.
To protect her from Leakes, or to keep her from going rabid dog on the craft services table?
I kid.
A source close to Jones--and by source, I mean the beefy bodyguard who keeps her out of the All You Can Eat Buffets--says, "NeNe is coming unhinged."
Coming unhinged? Oh child, that heifer was born unhinged.
NeNe has already ALLEGEDLY made La Toya Jackson cry--which is nearly impossible as La Toya had her tear ducts removed during a recent brow lift incident--and she even got in the face of singing legend Dionne Warwick--who called her personal henchman and niece, Whitney Houston into the fray.
But it's her, um, roast beef with Star that is particularly nasty. The source--and by source, I mean the guy that trolls gay bars looking for Star's next husband--says, "Clearly, she can't get along with women, especially other black women. She is losing it."
And NeNe isn't exactly denying her, um, lack of love for the formerly gigantic Star, saying, "I'm not feeling Star Jones, I'm sorry. I gave her a chance when I first got there, I did. I wouldn't spit on Star if she was on fire."
And, it's ALLEGEDLY the idea of being spat upon by NeNe that caused Star to hire her own private security guards. No matter what you hear, it isn't because Star Jones, after several years on The View is essentially over.
Still, a friend of Star's-- and, naturally by friend, I mean someone on Star;'s payroll--says, "Star is a real celebrity, not some cheap reality star who is enjoying 15 minute of fame. She's a lawyer and a lady."
Yes, let us not forget, she's Star Jones, and she's a lawyer.
Dammit.