Snarky Thoughts

We all know the stories of Lea Michele’s bitchiness on the set of Glee, and how she tortured the cast and guest stars with her diva behaviors. And we know she schemed and cajoled and, god knows what else, her way into the lead of the Funny Girl revival on Broadway earlier this year, but maybe she’s trying to change … starting with her face. Recently Lea shared selfies on her Instagram, and social media lit up about buccal fat removal–the new procedure allegedly making its way through the women who have the fat sucked from their cheeks to look thinner.

My Thought: Lea’s face doesn’t look thinner … and it’s a bit more than gaunt. What’s the word? Skeletal! Yes, that’s a good look. And, is it just me, or was the fat sucked from her cheeks pumped into her lips?

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Chatting with Janelle Monáe for Variety’s Actors on Actors series, Elvis actor Austin Butler said that he didn’t see his family for almost years while prepping for the role of the King, and when he finally did see them he couldn’t stop being Elvis, moving and speaking like the long dead performer.

My Thought: Since Butler failed to mention this the press tours last year when Elvis opened, I think he’s telling the “story” now in case Oscar voters are listening.

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You know I am not one of those millionaires, but if I were I could think of many more things to spend 100K on, including a pet … and I’m even talking about The Great Tuxedo. But maybe comedian Gabriel Iglesias didn’t think anything about dropping $100,000 on a quinceañera for his chihuahua Risa. Iglesias paraded Risa through the party in a tricked-out baby carriage with neon accent lights looking every bit a fairy-tail princess … up to and including three sequined gowns she was changed into over the course of the festivities.

My Thought: This party wasn’t for the dog, and it wasn’t for Iglesias, it was for people Iglesias wanted to impress by spending all that dough on a dog.

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I guess he’s either trying to outdo Nick Cannon in the Baby Daddy Race or he’s trying to out crazy Kanye. Either way, 53-year-old Sean John Daddy P. Diddy Puffy or Diddy Love Combs had a baby with Dana Tran while still in a relationship with 28-year-old Caresha “Yung Miami” Brownlee and he wants y’all to stop calling that other woman a “side chick.” What a gentleman! This newest baby daughter, named Love Sean Combs, joins her siblings Quincy Taylor Brown, 30, Justin Dior Combs, 27, Christian Combs, 23, Chance Combs, 15, D’Lila & Jessie Combs, 14. Seven children with four different women.

My Thought: He has a few more babies to go before besting Cannon but naming his latest daughter after himself is kinda Kanye.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

The last season of rebooted Will & Grace  is about to get far less fabulous because Megan Mullally will be missing for a couple episodes due an ALLEGED feud with co-star Debra Messing. No reason why the feud, but the pair have confirmed it by doing the ghastly act of unfollowing one another on social media. Mullally has also stopped following her onscreen sidekick, Sean Hayes, but still follows Eric McCormack for some unexplainable reason.

Okay, Messing and Hayes, here’s the deal: you two are funny, but it’s Karen who makes the show. It should be called KAREN! With jack … will and grace.

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Ex-Bravo star [?] of Flipping Out, Jeff Lewis announced on his SiriusXM radio show Jeff Lewis Live, that he has hired his former maid Zoila’s sister to be his new maid.

Apparently, this counts as news? Well, maybe because Lewis’ Bravo show was canceled when he alienated every single person on the show from Zoila Chaves to Jenni Poulos to his business and life partner, and Baby Daddy, Gage Edwards, the surrogate mother for their child, and the staff at his child’s pre-school. Lewis even went after Bravo golden gay boy Andy Cohen by reading private text messages on his radio show.

Yeah, Bravo is done with Jeff Lewis, but Jeff Lewis says he’s not done with TV:

“I have talked to a couple of different networks about either a doc-series or a more formatted design show. I think when the right show with the right person comes, we’ll hopefully put something together.”

Until he goes after them and drives them away.

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So, we know that federal prosecutors have added additional charges for Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannulli, all part of the original scheme where they paid $500K to convince the USC admissions board that their daughters were master rowers … or smart. But, apparently Lori thinks if this mess goes to trial—she and her husband are one of the few involved in the scheme who have pled not guilty—she’ll get a Felicity Huffman Deal of eleven days in Easy Jail.

However, if Lori and Mossimo are convicted of everything, they face up to decades in prison. Now, no one thinks they would actually serve decades because … white and rich … but there could be serious fines and serious prison time … more than eleven days and less than eleven years.

But there’s more; prosecutors have emails between Mossimo and Rick Singer, leader of the scandal, where Rick tells Mossimo to get pictures of his daughters on a rowing machine to make it look legit. There is also evidence of payments and bribery, like an email between Mossimo and his accountant with an invoice for $200,000 saying:

“Good news my daughter … is in (U)SC… bad is I had to work the system.”

Oops. People magazine says Lori and Mossimo feel like this is “David versus Goliath” and that, wait for it, it’s rich and white … people excuse, that they are being scapegoated. Yeah, scapegoats. Lori has it all wrong; they might be made an ‘example’ by the feds to perhaps show people how not to get your kids into college, but a scapegoat is what Lori could use right now …

‘Look over there, it’s that guy’s fault.’

Take a seat Lori, you’ll handle prison just fine, but your Silver Fox husband might be the beauty of the cell block.

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Diddy is doing it again.

Diddy, AKA Sean John Combs, AKA Sean Combs, has changed his name almost as much as Miley Cyrus exchanges husbands and boyfriends and girlfriends. He’s been Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, Puffy, and Diddy, and even once suggested he would change it to Brother Love.

And now this … Sean John Combs now wants y’all to call him Sean Love Combs.

Wait. Is he hooking up with Jennifer Love Hewitt?

Oy. But if he wants to change it again, sometime in the future, might I suggest … drum roll …wait for it … it’s perfection … Didiot.

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Speaking of the unwashed …Cody Simpson and Miley Cyrus have been having a ball together. They’re  living together… or not; they’re getting tattooed together … or not; he cured her of her fear of dick and being bisexual … or not; and they’re both sober …or not.

But, since Miley opened her mouth last week and shoved a giant boot in it with her suggestion that she was a lesbian was due to never having had good dick, now it’s Cody’s time to share the stupid by saying he is the most romantic fulfilling adult real relationship Miley’s ever had … this week … and that previous ones were not.

Cue professional gossip hacker Lindsay Lohan who has inserted herself into this drama with claims of stolen furniture. What the what? Yes, Lindsay, fresh off her hit recording of Xanax … I kid, it was no hit … has accused Cody of stealing her sister Ali’s furniture because they dated and lived together for about a minute.

Lindsay posted, then deleted, a message of hatred toward Cody because of her sister Ali Lohan. On the finale of Masked Singer: Australia, where she works … hold for laughter … Lindsay brought up her drama with Cody:

“If it is you, we have a lot to talk about, and this is not the arena for it. I want my furniture back! Because I bought your furniture for your house in Venice!”

Seriously? Perhaps she wants the couch back because there’s a dime bag sewn into the cushions? Or perhaps because no one is talking about Lindsay Lohan and she needs to snark.

Six of one, half dozen of the other …

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It’s been a whole week and a half since a clip of Kylie Jenner waking up her daughter Stormi with a musical “Rise and shiiiiine” went viral and since she comes from That Family she is trying to trademark the words “rise and shine.”

Seriously. To be fair, we now know that Kylie, whose job is dating, getting pregnant and trademarking existing phrases, says she wants to trademark slang version of rise and shine”:

“RIIISE AND SHIIINNEE.”

I guess she really wants to trademark the fact that she can’t freaking spell.

I have opted to follow suit and will seek to trademark the phrase … ‘All Kardastrophes are idiiiiiiotttttts.’  … Followed by my newest version of Kylie-speak:

“Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiise and shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.”

I’ll make millions!

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It's Snarkurday!

I have always found Colin Farrell hot ... even dirty, drunk, sloppy, bordering on Johnny Depp-like messiness, I’ve always found him hot.

Well, Colin was on Ellen this week and played a game called Celebrity Confessions which involves the guest confessing to something in exchange for a $10,000 donation to the charity of their choice.

So, Colin talked about the time he gave his pubes a bad haircut. See, he was about to shoot a sex scene for Tigerland and he asked director Joel Schumacher for pubic hair removal approval ... is that a thing in Hollywood? 

Colin wanted to trim it ... Joel said “Do it.” ... Colin grabbed a beard trimmer from makeup-and-hair and went to town; and then went through town and out of town and all around town.

Suddenly his big bush was a landing strip and, well, his pubic hair did not make their film debut after all.

Note to Colin: Um, I’m pretty handy with a pair of clippers so the next time you’d like to manscape down there, gimme a call. I’d be happy to lend a hand or ... since I’ve seen that video ... two.

Just sayin’.
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This makes my skin crawl, but I’ve got a duty to snark so ... Cindy Rueda, former personal chef to Puff-Daddy-P-Diddy-Sean-Combs-Whatever, has filed a sexual harassment suit saying she was exposed to improper sexual activity and commentary while working in the Diddy manse.

In the complaint, Rueda ALLEGES that she was “regularly summoned by Mr. Combs to prepare and serve entrees and appetizers to him and his guests while Mr. Combs and/or his guests were engaged in or immediately following sexual activity.”

Ooh, Roman Orgy-style? And, Rueda ALLEGES, once when Combs asked her to prepare a “post-coital meal” he asked if she was attracted to his naked body.

I believe she may have hurled on Little Diddy. I would have.

Another time “a male house guest of Combs approached plaintiff in the nude to ask her to look at and admire his genitals after he had engaged in sexual activity with another house guest.”

Perhaps she wasn’t just serving crabs, but checking for them as well?

Rueda—who began working for Diddy but never diddling Diddy in 2015—is also claiming that she was required to work from 9AM until 2:30AM for just $150 a day, and that she traveled with Diddy for no extra pay.

And, she ALLEGES, that a year later when she complained about the long hours, the low pay, and the orgies and meals, she was fired ALLEGEDLY for  stealing a watch she says was given to her by the housekeeper, who found it in the trash.

What? Here’s the deal, girl: if you’re working 17 hours a day and getting just $150, you quit. If you’re working for a man who wants to serve him and his sex-guests an after orgy meal, you quit. If Sean Combs says, “How do you like my junk?” you throw up and then you quit.

You don’t stay for over a year and then bitch when you get canned.

Okurrrrrrrr?
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On last week’s RuPaul’s Drag Race, the queens were challenged to film a parody of Beverly Hills, 90210 called Beverly Hills, 9021-HO. The scenes were directed and judged by former 90210 stars Tori “Can’t pay my bills” Spelling and Jennie “Where is my career?” Garth.

And during the judging Tori and Jennie proved they are still bitchy mean girls by throwing shade at their 90210 co-star, Tiffani “There used to be an Amber there” Thiessen.

See, while critiquing Aja’s performance—a parody of Tiffani’s character Valerie Malone—Jennie refused to say Tiffani’s name, and Tori replied by calling Tiffani “That which we don’t speak of.”

And here’s why: the fued goes back to 1994 when Tiffani joined the cast in 1994. Things were cold in the beginning, but then warmed up a little and she became good friends with Jennie.  But, when Tori cheated on her first husband, Charlie, with her second husband-to-be, Dean, and then divorced Charlie, Tiffani’s friendship with the Mean Girls fell apart because Tiffani’s best friend was Charlie’s roommate.

And so, apparently, a decade later Tori and Jennie are still Bitter Bettys about it.

Gosh maybe Ryan Murphy can make this into a season of Feud ... or, if not a whole season, at least a very disturbing PSA.

Anyway, as feuds go, I tend to pick a side and I’ll stand with Tiffani because Tiffani has a job on Food Network and so, unlike Tori, she can pay her bills, and unlike Jennie, she’s working. But mainly I fall on Team Tiff because she worked for years on White Collar and got to stand within inches of Matt Bomer and that means we will always be on the same team!

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The list of things Justin Bieber needs to have while he’s on tour—it’s called a ‘rider’—have been exposed by music journalist Arjun S. Ravi, and, well, Bieber's a bigger douche than I originally thought ...

Ravi Tweeted what he claims is Bieber’s rider for his Purpose World Tour in Mumbai this week and it is something. Here now, is what Justin Bieber demands for himself and his entourage of 120 while he’s in India for one single show:

A helicopter to take him from his hotel to the concert venue.

A dressing room draped entirely in white curtains.

A lot of food, like bags of Swedish Fish and sugary cereal.

Ten luxury cars and two buses for his entourage, in addition to a Rolls Royce solely for himself.

Two five-star hotels, with three full floors and a private elevator reserved only for him in one of the hotels.

He will be shipping in his own ping pong table, sofa set, washing machine, and fridge.

He demands purple carnations, 100 hangers, a massage table and a female massage therapist in his room.

He demands that the five-star hotel chefs prepare him 5 special meals a day, each of which is renamed after his songs ...

Never Say Never to Mac’n’Cheese? What Do You Mean There’s No Pie? Love Yourself Like I Love Cheese Pizza?

He also wants a “yoga casket” containing essential oils, books on chakras and yoga asanas.

Oh, and last but assuredly not least, no lilies! I guess he’s a’scurred a’lilies.

Seriously, he out-divas JLo and Mimi and they've been around for half a century.

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So Suicide Squad. Out and gone in a relative flash, but now comes a tale of Jared Leto’s extreme method acting. 

It seems that his Suicide Squad co-star Ike Barinholtz was the recipient of Jared Leto Acting 101.

During an interview with Howard Stern, Ike talked about playing a prison guard in the film and shared a scene with Jared in which Let’s Joker offers to help Ike’s character out with some gambling debts.

Jared played the scene real close to Ike and even planted an unplanned kiss on him, saying and doing several things that were never in the script:

“I do this scene with Jared Leto and he’s supposed to be intimidating me. He comes in ... and he starts squeezing my tits. He’s like [panting and moaning] ‘You’re a big guy’. This is while we’re filming. Then he fucking grabs me and kisses me. On the mouth, full kisses me. I thought, OK, I’m just gonna go with it. But then he’s like, [panting and moaning again] ‘Did someone piss their pants?’ I’m like, now I did because you said I did!”

Man, first I miss out on manscaping Colin Farrell's nether regions and now I lose out on a steamy Leto kiss?

I need to get to Hollywood; I’ve work to do.

Oh, and I'm a whore.
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Beyoncé’s representative is not happy with y’all. In case you’ve forgotten, Beyoncé is still pregnant with her twins, and spends her days posting pictures to Instagram lest the Beyhive come for her.

But, in one photo—up there—it looks as though her lips have been Jolie’d. And as people talked about the visits to the Lip Doctor, Beyoncé’s publicist, Yvette Noel-Schure, lost her damned mind and told anyone and everyone who thinks Beyoncé’s lips look fake to f**k off:

“What do you know about the effects of pregnancy on a woman’s entire body? Please tell me. Did you know that in addition to weight gain there is often a dramatic change in the blood flow in the system and increased fluid causing swelling? Do you know that often women’s gums get swollen? Do you know that it sometimes affects our speech, our ability to chew intently and a host of other things? But the sacrifice to our faces, our feet and our entire bodies is something we welcome because we bring beautiful humans into the world who will one day combat your hate and negativity. I stood silent during Beyoncé’s first pregnancy when you thought it was okay to bully her like the cowards you are, when you accused her of never being pregnant, but I simply cannot this time. You are the saddest individuals and picking on a pregnant lady is tantamount to possessing the coldest, despicable heart. You need to find something else to do with your time and maybe stop by a store that has happiness on sale because you need to buy some.”

Sorry, Yvette. Maybe we didn’t know that, like most women, Beyoncé suffers a little baby weight gain ... in.her.lips.
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Rumors have swirling ever since Chris Rock revealed in a comedy routine that he’d cheated on his ex-wife with three different women, including a big star. And now foils are saying the big star is Scandal’s Kerry Washington.

A source—and it could be Lohan, still trying to get Mean girls: The Musical on Broadway ... in a high school gym, on Broadway—says:

“He was cheating on his wife with Kerry when they were filming [‘I Think I Love My Wife’] about him, ironically, having fantasies of cheating on his wife. That went on for a while, for like six months, and she found out. There’s no gray area.”

Rumors about the Chris-Kerry Tryst have been around since 2007, when Rock was married and Washington was engaged to actor David Moscow who, when asked about the ALLEGED affair, uttered, “No comment.”

Still, some say it was a joke because Chris also said he cheated with a member of Destiny’s Child, but not Beyoncé.

Hmmm, I wonder what Beyoncé’s lips looked like then?
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So, Conrad Hilton, Paris Hilton’s little brother; you thought she was a self-entitled spoiled rich kid, well, she’s got nothing on her baby brother.

Conrad used to date Hunter Salomon, the daughter of actress E.G. Daily—“Dottie” in Pee-Wee Herman’s Big Adventure—and Paris Hilton porn tape co-star Rick Salomon.

This week Conrad was arrested for ALLEGEDLY trying to break into her house—again—last Saturday morning; and, in addition to trying to break into the home, he’s also ALLEGEDLY charged with grand theft auto for stealing E.G.’s ex-husband, and Hunter’s dad, Rick Salomon’s, Bentley from HIS house before the break-in.

Hunter filed a restraining order when they broke up in May of 2015, but Conrad violated it almost at once; this, in fact, is the second time he’s broken into her home, and now E.G. is talking about Conrad’s scary behavior towards her family that has been going on for years. She’s even talked to his parents, Rick and Kathy Hilton, and tried to cut Conrad a break, if he’d just stay away, but, you know, rich, white, drug addicted stalkers are hard to keep at bay.

Especially when they keep getting arrested and yet their bail is set at a measly—by Hilton standards—$60,000.

Oh, and lest we forget what a vile human being Connie Hilton is, he exploded on police who showed up to arrest him for breaking-and-entering in a spree of homophobic slurs, racial epithets and rape accusations, in addition to making even Reese Witherspoon cringe at the ‘Don’t you know who I am?’ of it all:

“I’m Conrad motherf***ing Hilton, don’t you forget it.”

How can we forget you Connie when you keep getting arrested. We’d love to forget you if only your punishment would fit your crimes.
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Now, in sweet news, longtime unmarried lovebirds Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn both got their stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame; and they are side-by-side. And they gushed about one another in their acceptance speeches:

“Goldie, to you, I owe my wonderful life. Simply put, Goldie, I cherish you. All of the stars in the sky or on the boulevard don’t hold a candle to that.”

Hawn and Russell never tied the knot, and yet they’ve stayed together for 33-years. Russell, accepting his star, joked that it “will be subjected to the constant harshness of the blazing California sun” and “stray dogs of both the canine and human variety — perhaps in need of a little relief.” He said it will “trod upon by the soles of shoes caked with earth from all corners of the world.” And the added:

“There’s no one else I’d rather be next to for all of that than Goldie Hawn.”

Goldie, for her part, began by asking a question:

“Can we just get married? We’ve never had a celebration like this before, but I’m not going to pop the question.”

Sweet. After the sludge above it’s nice to end with sweet, eh?

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