I Didn't Say It

Ron DeSantis, Florida’s fascist governor, still stinging form the Mickey Mouse bitchslap, panders to Thing 45 and his ilk:

“The weaponization of the legal system to advance a political agenda turns the rule of law on its head. It is un-American. The Soros-backed Manhattan District Attorney has consistently bent the law to downgrade felonies and to excuse criminal misconduct. Yet now he is stretching the law to target a political opponent. Florida will not assist in an extradition request given the questionable circumstances at issue with this Soros-backed Manhattan prosecutor and his political agenda.”

You’re so transparent Ron. You’re either doing this because you think the MAGAts will swing to your team in Thing 45 goes away, or you’re doing this because you think it might make a criminal more popular And you’ll lose in 2024.

Either way, you look like a bitch.

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Steve Scalise, House Majority Leader, who himself nearly died in a mass shooting, knows how to stop the bloodshed:

“The first thing in any kind of tragedy I do is I pray. I pray for the victims. I pray for their families. I really get angry when I see people trying to politicize it for their own personal agenda, especially when we don’t even know the facts. We’ve talked about things that we can do, and it just seems like on the other side, all they want to do is take guns away from law abiding citizens before they even know the facts. The first thing they talk about is taking guns away from law abiding citizens. And that’s not the answer, by the way. So why don’t we number one, keep those families in our prayers.”

It’s been over ten years since Sandy Hook and with the GOP offering nothing but prayers it is clear that Steve Scalise is a dumb fuck.

It’s been six years since Steve Scalise was shot, and clearly his own prayers didn’t even save him.

What’s that saying … doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity? That’s Scalise and the GOP; fucking insane.

Praying doesn’t work.

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Brian Kilmeade, Fox & Friends host, on that Thing 45 rally in wacko Texas:

“The United States’ former president opened up with January 6 video, which is insane! He should be running from that, period. I don’t care [about] his point of view, that is not a good thing for him. I thought that was absolutely awful. Even though he is winning in the polls, that will not help.”

He doesn’t care; his ego is so huge, and so overrun with Adderall and syphilis that he thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and his Red Hatted MAGAT minions will do his dirty work for him.

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Kanye West, on his new pro-Jew stance and how it happened:

“Watching Jonah Hill in 21 jump street [sic] made me like Jewish people again. No one should take anger against one or two individuals and transform that into hatred towards millions of innocent people.”

Seriously, someone get him back on his meds.

Also of note, Kanye dd not disavow his love for Hitler.

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Gregg Jarrett, Fox News legal analyst  and apparent moron, has a new theory about January 6:

“One wonders, did Nancy Pelosi want it to get out of hand? Is that the reason why her daughter was suddenly there filming her mother in this heroic role? Because all of this, you know, was somehow planned and conjured up? You know, I think it’s worth asking the question but the committee wouldn’t allow it.”

Yes, Nancy Pelosi riled up the MAGAt Minions to march to the Capitol and “take back” their country because her daughter was there filming a documentary.

Um, Gregg, you ignorant fool, Pelosi’s daughter was there because it was an historic day in American politics, as it is every four years, when a presidential election result is certified.

Only one politician prodded a mob or miscreants, losers, basement dwellers, and tiny dicked Proud Boys to go to the Capitol that day.

PS Gregg Jarrett says his home Wi-Fi mysteriously goes down whenever he’s writing a hit piece about Biden.

It might be that tin-foil hat, fool.

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Tim Burchett, Tennessee GOP Congressman, has said the quiet part out loud about mass shootings in America:

“We’re not going to fix it. It’s a horrible, horrible situation, and we’re not going to fix it. Criminals are gonna be criminals. [My] daddy fought in the second world war, fought in the Pacific, fought the Japanese, and he told me, he said, ‘Buddy,’ he said, ‘if somebody wants to take you out, and doesn’t mind losing their life, there’s not a whole heck of a lot you can do about it.’”

Just let ‘em die and keep on moving, eh you ignorant gun loving fuck? And when this fool was asked a follow up question about how to protect his own daughter in school, Burchett replied:

“Well, we homeschool her, but you know, that’s our decision. Some people don’t have that option and frankly, some people don’t need to do it. I mean, they don’t have to. It just suited our needs much better.”

So he sees the problem of mass shootings in schools but I guess if his kid is safe then there’s nothing for him to do.

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Rachel Maddow, on Thing 45 promoting a Twitter poll conducted by Elon Musk’s favorite right-wing troll:

“Very, very exciting for them, right? If you look closely, you can see that the source for this poll is… Oh, @catturd2! Congratulations, sir! Who among us has not longed for the day in which we can claim victory in the acclaimed @catturd2 presidential poll? You know, @catturd2 does really seem to appeal to [Thing 45] in a visceral way, and I will note that Mike Pence is almost certainly not coming back as [Thing 45] running mate. I know it doesn’t totally roll off the tongue, but the t-shirts would be incredible, right? Vote [Thing 45]-Catturd2, for a Fresh Step! Scoop away your worries! Now with less clumping!”

It would be nice if Thing 45 had less clumping. But the best part is that he’s retweeting Catturd2 and their endorsement.

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Snarky Thoughts

Clearly it’s his ego that runs his life, because Tom Brady has finally decided to retire from football since he failed to take his team to the Super Bowl this year. I mean, his marriage ended because he refused to retire but he only quit the game after the game quit him first.

My Thought: A year too late, Tommy.

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Actress Eva Green has been left “humiliated” by the release of her private text messages she sent out while making the 2019 sci-fi thriller film ‘A Patriot.’ Though the film crashed and burned due to a lack of funding and a falling-out with financial backers, but some say Green’s WhatsApp messages are what really caused the death of the film. Still, to be fair Eva did text that the crew were “shitty peasants,” that a producer was “the devil,” the film’s director “weak and stupid,” and the entire project was a “Bull shit movie” and a “fucking nightmare” but she denies the rumor that she wanted the “chaotic” film to collapse so she would have a chance to seize control of it.

My Thought: Would she really trash every single aspect of the movie and then try to get it made herself? I mean, come on, think how badly the shitty peasants would treat her!

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It seems like Jolly Old London just became less jolly for everyone’s least favorite royal—which is saying something—Prince Andrew. A “royal insider”—and I think it’s Kate—says King Charles III has kicked his younger brother out of Buckingham Palace.

My Thought: Meh. Rumor has it that Randy Andy wasn’t even living or working at the Palace but was living at the Royal Lodge at Windsor with his ex-wife Sarah Ferguson.

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As we know, 64-year-old Thirst Queen Madonna is going on tour to celebrate her 40-year music career, but odd that it happens just as the Madonna-written, Madonna-directed, Madonna biopic, MADONNA! Was shelved by Universal Pictures. And all this after universal had spent more than $10 million on the film … most going to find a Thai Ladyboy to play Madge in her 60s.

My Thought: I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for another film studio to pick up the option, because they’d have to cough up millions to Universal to take this vanity thirst project off their hands.

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In case you’ve forgotten at one time Taylor Lautner was one of Taylor Swift‘s lengthy list of ex-lovers. And Taylor was with Taylor during that night back in 2009 at the MTV VMAs when Kanye West jumped onstage and basically told Swifty she’d never be Bey-Bey which leads us to Taylor, Lautner that is, saying he wishes he would have jumped onstage and … said something … to Kanye about being mean to poor Swifty.

My Thought: Taylor Lautner wants to revive his “career” after those vampire movies and what better way to do that than to rehash a fourteen-year-old story that very few people really cared about when it was current?

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Snarky Thoughts

Okay, so Shakira is the latest celebrity to find out that her boyfriend was dipping his wick into another lady’s pond … yes, mixed metaphor, but y’all know what I mean. But Shakira didn’t find out by hacking his phone or hiring a private detective, she used jam. Strawberry jam. Returning to the home she shared with her partner, Shakira saw that someone had been eating her jam, and the boyfriend don’t eat jam … which is a whole other thing … so she knew that the side piece was into the Smucker’s and dumped his sorry ass.

My Thought: Don’t let the side-pieces into the refrigerator if you wanna keep your dalliances a secret. Oh, and the jam don’t lie.

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It’s been a long week for anti-Semite, and future failed presidential candidate Kanye West, what with pissing off his first wife by taking her look-a-like as his second wife that he just didn’t have time to deal with the myriad of legal troubles surrounding him. Like, you know, changing your phone numbers and not telling your legal team, forcing his lawyers to take out ads in two Los Angeles newspapers to let him know they’re quitting him.

My Thought: Jacoby & Meyers, Ye, Jacoby & Meyers; you can probably still afford them.

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Clearly someone is still desperate for attention, and yet, no, this time it isn’t about Madge, though it is Madge adjacent. I guess that even though her last two movies were about weddings, filmed specifically so JLo could give interviews about how she and Ben Affleck fought their way back to one another, that source of media glare dried up so Jennifer Lopez Affleck had to come up with a new plan to get all eyes back on her: she’s claiming that the infamous Madonna, Britney and Christina lip-locks at the 2003 VMA’s was supposed to be Madonna, Britney and JLo, but she couldn’t get the day off of working on a movie to fly to New York and deep throat Madge’s horned tongue.

My Thought: Funny how this story slipped her mind for two decades but she’s just remembered it now that she needs more attention. JLo must be parched.

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ABC News hasn’t commented yet but it seems as if the dust has settled on the married anchors bumping uglies in their off hours and Amy Robach is still employed, but TJ Holmes is out. Now, before anyone says anything about why she gets to keep her job and his adulterous ass has to pound the pavement looking for another gig, know that T.J. has ALLEGEDLY had several affairs with a few other ladies at ABC and so his pattern of schtupping coworkers sent him packing.

 My Thought: wherever TJ lands, it’ll probably be on another woman.

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Last week the Critics’ Choice Awards aired on TV and while several nominees sat out the show after testing positive for COVID, one Cate Blanchett—who skipped the Golden Globes the previous—did appear to collect her trophy for Best Actress Tár. Cate used her time onstage, on TV, in public, accepting her award to tell the crowd that these shows, are a  “televised horse race” and should never happen again, then strode offstage, award in hand.

My Thought: I’m guessing Cate just wanted to go down in  history as the last winner of the Critics’ Choice Award for Best Actress and had she not won, she would have kept her mouth shut.

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Diddy might be trying to crash Nick Cannon’s Baby Daddy party since he just had a surprise baby to add to his already large family with a woman named Dana Tran while claiming to be both “single” and yet dating rapper Caresha “Yung Miami” Brownlee. And Diddy may wanna rethink this coupling since Yung Miami just revealed on her show Caresha Please that she loves a good old-fashioned Golden Shower.

My Thought: Is that why they call him Pee Diddy?

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Snarky Thoughts

Remember back in 2012 when Kim Kardastrophe was still a bit of a nobody? That was the year that PETA “flour bombed” to aspiring media whore on the red carpet of her True Reflection perfume launch and we all cackled at a Kardastrophe covered in flour. Well, now it seems that a PR rep who worked with Kimmy during that time said the whole thing was a planned “media moment.”

My Thought: What? Kim planned the flour bombing to get attention? Why she would never, that’s so unlike her.

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Recently Real Housewife of Salt Lake City, Jen Shah, was sentenced for her wire fraud scam where she stole money from the elderly and the poor to feed her lavish lifestyle, so what does a convict do? Well, scam artist Shah took 20 people to Italian hotspot Valbella at the Park in New York City and ate and drank their way through the menu.

My Thought: I guess six and a half years in prison rather than 14 is worth celebrating, though not for the elderly, whose money she stole. A shame she couldn't have used some of the money to buy herself a soul or a conscience.

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Apparently director Michael Bay is a wanted man in Italy for a crime he ALLEGEDLY committed a few years back while filming his Netflix action movie, 6 Underground. What did he do, you ask? Or didn’t ask? Bay is ALLEGED to have murdered a pigeon while filming or, to be fair, having a pigeon murdered while filming.

My Thought: He’s in trouble for this but got off scot-free for those Transformer abominations? There is literally no justice.

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And you all thought Kim would get married first, but, no, y’all, Kanye’s off the market after marrying a Yeezy employee named Bianca Censori who looks a lot like a certain  media whore with a giant ass. But maybe it’s all for The Ye Crazy Hour because he and the bride never filed a marriage certificate to make their union a legally binding one.

My Thought: When the meds kick back in, Kanye will move along from this Kim Kardastrophe Knockoff™ mess.

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Oh Gwen Stefani, does no one around you ever say, “Stop talking”? People have been calling Gwen a “culture vulture” since her No Doubt days when she did discount Pocahontas drag, but she’s upped her game since then by fully committing to Japanese culture after releasing her debut album Love. Angel. Music. in 2004. And so now, eighteen years later, Stefani is responding to the hate she’s received for appropriating another culture by saying … with a straight face … to an Asian-American journalist … that she, too, is Japanese. And that’s because … wait for it … she said this with a straight face, too … her father once worked for Yamaha. The interviewer also claims that Gwen identifies as both Hispanic and Latinx and Japanese and English, and that the day after these ridiculous statements her rep contacted her to say that she misunderstood Gwen.

My Thought: Gwen said to the reporter, “I’m Japanese.” Someone needs to sit Gwen down and explain cultural appropriation to her, and then ask that she just stop … she’s an effing white girl from effing Anaheim!

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Bobservations

Last night I was getting ready to go to bed and walked into the living room to kiss Carlos goodnight. Then I went to the front door, opened it and stepped out onto the porch:

“Are you turning off the Christmas lights?”

“No. I’m leaving you.”

“Okay. Goodbye.”

Luckily, I only left him for about twenty seconds and then I came back home.

Isn’t it funny just how quickly Miss Lindsey and Rafael Cruz forgot all about Herschel Walker. Why it’s almost as if they were just pandering that poor delusional man for votes.

Need more posts about religious perverts? Howsabout Hillsong church founder Pastor Brian Houston allegedly telling a man who had been repeatedly raped Houston’s father when he was a child that it was “all your fault, you tempted my father.”

It’s the seven-year-old child’s fault a grown man raped him. Fuck off pastor.

Scientology promises that if you reach the upper levels you won't get cancer but Kirstie Alley was OT8 and died from cancer this week.

Scientology is a cult and you can add Kirstie Alley’s name to the list of people they’ve killed.

After praising Adolf Hitler last week, Kanye West and new buddy, Nazi Nick Fuentes, sat down with Proud Boys founder Gavin McInnes to demand that Jewish people “forgive Hitler”:

“Jews should work for Christians,. I’ll hire a Jewish person in a second if I knew they weren’t a spy and I could look through their phone and follow through their house and have a camera all in their living room.”

Someone needs to lay hands on Kanye … and put him in a hospital where he can get back on his meds.

Metzger Bar and Butchery, a restaurant in the Union Hill neighborhood of Richmond canceled a reservation for a private event being held by a conservative Christian organization, citing the group’s opposition to same-sex marriage and abortion rights:

“We have always refused service to anyone for making our staff uncomfortable or unsafe and this was the driving force behind our decision.”

Hate should always have its reservations canceled.

The Red Oak Community School in Ohio canceled its “Holi-Drag Storytime” event last week at the last minute due to a security threat from the Ohio Chapter of the Proud Boys.

Proud Boys? Seriously? With ball caps pulled down low on their heads and masks covering their faces? Chickenshit little unemployed basement living gamers whose mothers want them gone is more like it.

On the other side of the coin, a group of protestors gathered at the Staten Island Children’s Museum to oppose a “Drag Story Hour” but their jeers had little effect.

In fact, the event’s organizer, Yun-Hee Proffit, said the protest, led by local artist Scott LoBaido, up there with his idol, achieved the opposite of its intended effect by reinforcing their drive to host more events that promote acceptance and inclusivity.

Meanwhile … Myrtle Beach Police are working to determine who emailed a bomb threat to the Mr. Fish Seafood Restaurant that led to the evacuation of a drag show brunch. The email read:

“We have placed several bombs in the Mr Fish Restaurant … We are not terrorists hurt children which is why you have this warning to evacuate. You b—— are all child abusers and will all burn in hell. This event is grooming children. For all of human history its been known that the innonence of children should be preserved, you are scarring the future generations with your perverted fantasizes. You deserve to die and we will kill all you f—— for preying on children.”

I suggest a course in spelling first because this note, perhaps written in crayon, was penned by a moron.

Actor-writer-producer—Christian loon Kirk Cameron wrote a children’s book that celebrates family, faith and biblical wisdom and wanted to hold Christian Story Hours, but over 50 public libraries have either outright rejected him or not responded to requests on his behalf. And better still, many of those libraries are actively offering “drag queen” story hours or similar programs for kids and young people.

The Rochambeau Public Library in Providence, Rhode Island, for instance, told Cameron and his book publisher:

“No, we will pass on having you run a program in our space. We are a very queer-friendly library. Our messaging does not align.”

Buh bye.

Shannon Epstein, former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s niece, was likely drunk and high when she was kicked off a Spirit Airlines flight after causing a ruckus on a flight from New Orleans to New Jersey  by acting aggressively and asking a Latino family sitting nearby if they were “smuggling cocaine.” She later screamed at police:

“Do you know who I am? I’m Chris Christie’s daughter and you’re so f—ed. You will lose your job over this s—. I know [Thing 45]. By this time tomorrow you will both be in jail. What the f— did I do? I’m a lesbian. Is that it? Do you want to put your dick in me? That’s it, isn’t it. That’s what this is all about? You want to put your dick in my mouth, don’t you? You’re so f—ed, you asshole.”

During her arrest, Epstein kicked, bit, scratched, and spat on police officers, and accused them of thinking she had, ahem, “cocaine in my pussy.” She’s been charged with multiple felony counts and is free after posting $10,750 in bail. Christie has not responded to press inquiries.

Paolo Busti is an Italian model and dancer, and limber AF, but the real question is: Would You Hit It?

The Funny Papers

RJ Matson, David Horsey, Jack Ohman, Rivers, Dave Whamond, Deb Milbrath, Mike Luckovich, Nick Anderson, Ann Telnaes, Dick Wright, Bruce MacKinnon, Marc Murphy, Michael de Adder, Steve Benson, Clay Bennett,