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The Funny Papers

Slyngstad, Marty Two Bulls, Nick Anderson, Adam Zyglis, Michael de Adder, Pedro X Molina, Daniel Boris, Trevor Irvin, Ed Wexler, RJ Matson, Jack Ohman, Lalo Alcaraz,

GOP Dumpster Fire: Racists, Liars, Grifters and Some Good News

There’s an old saying about when someone shows you who they are, believe them; and when someone says something, openly and publicly, believe that, too, and not the spin machine that envelopes the liar afterwards.

Here are a few examples of liars, and morons, and weirdos showing us who they are …

The Felon, drawing howls of laughter and cheers from hundreds of cultists at a rally in Wisconsin calling Kamala Harris ‘mentally disabled.’

I wonder what it says bout him since this ALLEGED mentally disabled person kicked his ass in the debate so badly that he won’t even try it again.

At a recent campaign stop in the suburbs of St. Louis, reporters asked GOP Senator and January 6th Winner of the Chicken Run, Josh Hawley to list his top three accomplishments that make him worthy of re-election and he said:

“We got new housing for our soldiers in Fort Leonard Wood.”

Fact: Joshie did not secure the Fort Leonard Wood funding. In fact, he voted against military construction budgets multiple times.

The money came from President Biden.

Ryan Walters, Oklahoma Superintendent of Public Instruction, says he is very close to his goal of putting a Bible in “every school” to both combat “woke” curricula in today’s textbooks and ensure students have access to an incredible “historical document” groom children.

He is spending wasting $6 million dollars that could be better spent in any number of other, better ways.

JD Vance, AKA Sofa Loren, told a gaggle of flowers that he wished “the American media was half as interested in the stress on the local schools, the stress on the hospitals, and unaffordable housing as they are in debunking a story lie that he started about Haitian immigrants eating dogs and cats.

Then came the admission that he is a liar:

“Did you ever think about listening to people speak their truth instead of listening to some bureaucrat and assuming that everything they tell you is true?”

Sorry, couchfvcker, we don’t believe a word you say.

During an appearance on Tucker Carlson’s cross-country circus, has-been TV actress Roseanne Barr insisted that “they”—as always, it’s never quite clear who “they” are, but one assumes given the context she means Democrats—“eat babies,” and “love the taste of human flesh, and they drink human blood” and then added:

“That is not bullshit! It’s true!”

Carlson, who really does know better, treated the insane comments as valid because he still has Fox Lies on the brain.

Speaking at a rally in Pennsylvania, The Felon—polling worse among female voters than Kamala Harris—specifically addressed women during his remarks:

“I always thought women liked me. I never thought I had a problem. But the fake news keeps saying women don’t like me—I don’t believe it.”

He then said women are poorer, less healthy, and “more stressed and depressed and unhappy” than they were four years ago. Oh, and he forgot to mention that they also no longer have the right to make their own healthcare choices cuz he did that, and he’s proud of it.

Florida school districts have been told that they cannot teach teenagers about contraception, show them pictures depicting human reproductive anatomy or discuss topics such as sexual consent and domestic violence.

And now, Orange County Public Schools will scrap its own high school sex education plans and instead use a state-approved textbook that focuses on abstinence.

Seriously.

Lindsey Graham, licking The Felon’s ass again, claiming he “didn’t do anything with Mark Robinson.”

Well, he didn’t do anything other than praise Robinson many times, even calling him a better man than Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and appear at rallies with him.

Oh Miss Lindsey.

Robert Kennedy Jr. is claiming the Democratic Party spent “tens of millions of dollars to defame” him.

This from a man who collects roadkill, chainsaws whale heads and ties them to the roof of his car, leaves dead bear cubs in Central Park, denies that he barbecued and ate a dog, confessed to having a brain worm, admitted to dozens of adulterous affairs, and claims that all vaccines are “inherently dangerous.”

Yeah, the Democrats make you look crazy.

The campaign of Republican Derrick Anderson, a former Army Green Beret who is running in a competitive race for an open seat in Virginia’s Seventh District, has posted footage of him posing with his wife and three daughters in what looks like a photo for a holiday card. In another photo, filmed for potential use in a campaign ad, Anderson is seated around the dining room table with the same woman and three girls, chatting and smiling.

Truth is the woman is not his wife, the girls are not his  daughters; they are the wife and children of a longtime friend. Anderson, who announced this month that he was engaged, does not have any children of his own.

So, he lies …

I know you may have heard this, but it bears repeating: this past week JD Vance, AKA Sofa Loren, went into a grocery store, held up a carton of eggs and told us all that a dozen eggs costs $4.00 now, thanks to Joe and Kamala … and not to the greed of corporations.

Funny, though, that JD’s team didn’t check the sign behind him that said a dozen eggs was $2.99 and didn’t point out to him that he was holding two dozen eggs not one dozen.

Perhaps if Vance has spent less time have carnal relations with the furniture he might have paid better attention in math class.

Georgia GOP Governor Brian Kemp will no longer back North Carolina gubernatorial candidate Mark “Black Nazi” Robinson after the Atlanta Journal-Constitution obtained photos of a Robinson fundraiser that Kemp attended. Kemp’s spokesman Cody Hall now says:

“The governor attended the fundraiser as Vice Chair of the Republican Governors Association and will not be offering further support to the Robinson campaign.”

Some North Carolina Republicans, however, are stupid and sticking with Robinson, like GOP Senator Ted Budd who, though he called the allegations “very disturbing,” says:

“I’m going to always vote for Republicans because we have the best platform.”

The Black Nazi Platform?

After the National Fraternal Order of Police backed a felon for president, Police Leaders for Community Safety leaders have endorsed Vice President Kamala Harris.

Police Leaders for Community Safety was created in 2024 as a non-partisan 501(c)4, and describes itself as an organization that represents dozens of police officials; members of the group’s leadership include David Mahoney, retired Dane County, Wisconsin sheriff and past president of the National Sheriffs’ Association, and Cynthia Herriott, former chief of the Rochester Police Department.

Mike McDonnell, a Nebraska Republican state lawmaker, says he remains opposed to switching how the state allocates its electoral votes, a blow to The Felon and his allies, who are seeking the change in a bid for an extra electoral vote this fall. McDonnell said:

“After deep consideration, it is clear to me that right now, 43 days from Election Day, is not the moment to make this change.”

State lawmakers told the Nebraska Examiner last week that they estimated that the change had the support of 30 or 31 state senators, meaning they remained two to three votes short and Mike McDonnell is one of those two votes.

Country over party, Mike; thank you.

Three more Republicans are crossing the aisle to endorse Vice President Kamala Harris for the White House.

Former Kansas Senator Nancy Kassebaum, former Kansas state senator and Insurance Commissioner Sandy Praeger, and Deanell Reece Tacha, a retired federal judge, condemned the current state of the GOP in a statement shared with Fox News Digital:

“This election presents a stark choice that is not easy for any of us. The Republican Party of Dwight D. Eisenhower, Bob Dole, Frank Carlson, Jan Meyers, and generations of Kansas leaders does not exist within the current Republican Party.”

Keep note that other than Tulsi Gabbard and RFK Jr. there aren’t Democrats coming out for The Felon.

Down in Texas, a federal judge just struck down a provision of sweeping anti-voter law S.B. 1 that restricted crucial get-out-the-vote efforts in that state.

This is a win for voting rights in Texas, and for the organizations that help keep elections accessible.

Remember, this is a party that promises but never delivers, a party of demented old men, and mascara-wearing RuPaul wannabes who hate women, the  LGBTQ+ community, immigrants, education and members of our military.

We don't need that so ...

GOP Dumpster Fire: Racists, Liars, Grifters and Some Good News

There’s an old saying about when someone shows you who they are, believe them; and when someone says something, openly and publicly, believe that, too, and not the spin machine that envelopes the liar afterwards.

Here are a few examples of liars, and morons, and weirdos showing us who they are …

At first glance, these new billboards in Arizona look like Chick-fil-A’s iconic “Eat Mor Chikin” promos but instead of cows, the billboards feature four cats dressed in cow costumes with the tagline:

“EAT LESS KITTENS. Vote Republican!”

Arizona’s GOP designed about a dozen of these billboards in response to false claims shared by some Republicans—like DonOLD and Sofa Loren—that Haitian immigrants in Springfield, Ohio, were eating Americans’ pets.

Seriously. This is a campaign talking point?

The Felon promoted a social media account that wrote that “the election must be too big to rig” above an image of a flag with the words “Trump or Communism.” The account is filled with extremist content such as:

“Jews have been capitalizing on n****rs for thousands of years.”

“Adolf Hitler was right.”

“[The Holocaust was] the Holohoax. 6 Million never happened.”

That’s DonOLD’s base.

A Governor Ron “Gogo Boots” DeSantis-appointed member of the Broward County School Board who was rejected this week for election to the board will become a member of the Florida Board of Education instead as a DeSantis appointee.

He doesn’t care what the people of Florida want.

The Felon has announced that, if he is elected, he would stop sending California federal firefighting aid unless Democrat Governor Gavin Newsom agrees to The Felon’s tax cut for the wealthiest Californians.

Yes, he did, and I prefer a president for ALL the people, not just the richest people.

According to two new analyses from the Penn Wharton Budget Model—from the Wharton School where The Felon ALLEGEDLY graduated—says his campaign promises would send the national debt soaring much faster than Kamala Harris’ would.

The Felon’s campaign promises would increase the national debt by $5.8 trillion over 10 years, while Harris’ would cost $1.2 trillion.

No choice, here … Vote Blue.

Republican officials in 24 states asked the Supreme Court to halt a Biden administration effort to reduce emissions of the planet-warming gas methane, adding to a series of emergency appeals challenging environmental regulations.

Methane, the main component of natural gas and a byproduct of fossil fuel drilling, is a powerful source of climate pollution with more than 80 times the warming power of carbon dioxide during its first two decades in the atmosphere.

But the GOP doesn’t care.

Anyone who has spent time reviewing The Felon’s campaign spending reports would conclude they’re a governance nightmare. There is so little disclosure about what happened to the billions raised in 2020 and 2024 that donors can’t possibly know how it was spent.

Federal Election Commission campaign disclosure reports from 2020 show that much of the money donated to The Felon campaign went into a legal and financial black hole reportedly controlled by The Felon’s family members and close associates.

Yes, they gave the money to a mob family.

In yet another word salad by Demented DonOLD told a rally goer of his plan to fight inflation:

"You take a look at bacon and some of these products, and some people don't eat bacon anymore. And we are going to get the energy prices down. When we get energy down—you know this was caused by their horrible energy. Wind—they want wind all over the place, but when it doesn't blow we have a little problem.”

He also lied that food prices have gone up “50, 60, 70 percent" when in reality, food price inflation in the US is now only slightly higher than it was at the end of The Felon’s Administration in January 2020.

The Felon’s running mate JD Vance Sofa Loren is urging Silicon Valley billionaire, homosexual and JD’s BFF, Peter Thiel to “get off the sidelines” and financially support the GOP ticket.

Perhaps the two could meet, say in a basement, on a couch or something to discuss this further.

A week ago The Felon signaled that he could vote to end Florida’s six-week abortion ban when it comes up in a referendum election later this year.

But his base went nuts and now he will vote to  keep the ban. He doesn’t care about women; he cares about getting elected to save himself from prison.

Utah’s Republican Governor Spencer Cox, who vowed not to vote for The Felon right before he vowed to vote for The Felon is using a photo of him and The Felon at Arlington National Cemetery during a wreath-laying ceremony.

And since federal law prohibits campaign or election-related activities within Army National Military Cemeteries, Cox’s campaign has apologized for politicizing the graveside ceremony.

Too little too late.

More than 200 Republicans who previously worked for either former President George W. Bush, the late Senator John McCain or Mitt Romney from Utah have endorsed Vice President Kamala Harris for president in an open letter.

The GOP touts its roster of Tulsi Gabbard, RFK Jr. and … Kid Rock.

Prosecutors filed a superseding indictment in the federal criminal case against The Felon after the Criminal Supreme Court granted the former president substantial immunity.

A spokesperson for Special counsel Jack Smith said the superseding indictment was presented to a new grand jury one that had not previously heard evidence in the case and it “reflects the Government’s efforts to respect and implement the Supreme Court’s holdings and remand instructions.”

Smith has been consulting with other officials inside the Justice Department for weeks about the case, which accuses the former “president” of leading a conspiracy to overturn the 2020 election and disenfranchise millions of voters culminating in a violent attack on police at the US Capitol in 2021.

CBS News host Major Garrett is tracking a surge in voter registration in key groups ahead of the November election.

Key groups like young Black women where registration is up more than 175%; registration has also increased among young Latinas.

Women will win this for Kamala.

A new lawsuit brought by the Democratic Party and backed by the Harris-Walz campaign has been filed to challenge recent changes to Georgia’s election certification rules.

Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger called the board’s actions an “11th-hour effort to impose new activist rulemaking” and said earlier this month that refusing to certify election results is unlawful.

Naturally, The Felon has praised the board’s three Republicans as “pit bulls fighting for honesty, transparency and victory.”

The Arizona Police Association [APA] is throwing its weight behind Democrat Representative Ruben Gallego in the state’s Senate race, despite endorsing Kari Lake in her losing gubernatorial bid last cycle. APA President Justin Harris said:

“As a Marine combat veteran, we know Congressman Gallego understands the complexities of modern policing in American society today, while at the same time recognizing the public’s expectations. The APA does not take our endorsements lightly; we recognize the importance of having a U.S. senator that can bring people together to improve society for all and we believe Congressman Gallego will be that U.S. Senator.”

Get ready for another year’s long whine fest from Kari Lake about how the election was stolen … I mean, she’s still fighting the fact that she lost the vote for governor in 2020.

Colorado Republicans have voted to remove Dave Williams, their party chairperson, amid mounting criticism of his leadership, including recent posts where he attacked the LGBTQ+ community and accusations that he had fueled divisions within the party.

Williams, a hardline state representative, elected to helm the Colorado GOP last year, was ousted two months after dozens of state Republican Party members signed a petition to hold the vote. He is refusing to step down, claiming that the vote was “illegitimate” because that’s the GOP way.

In a 3-1 opinion, the New Hampshire Supreme Court upheld a school district's policy that aims to support the privacy of transgender students, ruling that a mother who challenged it failed to show it infringed on a fundamental parenting right.

That mother of a Manchester School District student sued after inadvertently discovering her child had asked to be called by a name typically associated with a different gender.

Her child had asked. And the mother sued. Who’s grooming who?

A school district in northeast Florida has been ordered to put back in libraries three dozen books as part of a settlement reached with students and parents who sued over what they said was an unlawful decision to limit access to dozens of titles containing LGBTQ+ content.

Just another smack in the face to Governor Gogo Boots who signed the ban into law.

More than 30 House members, including a half-dozen Republicans, signed a bipartisan pledge to uphold the results of the 2024 election amid an increased focus on Congress’ role in certifying the vote.

A pair of House centrists, Reps. Josh Gottheimer, the Democrat from New Jersey, and Don Bacon, the Republican from Nebraska, have worked for months to organize their “unity commitment”—an agreement to “safeguard the fairness and integrity” of this fall’s presidential election. Five other Republicans Representatives also signed on: Brian Fitzpatrick [PA], Mike Lawler [NY], Lori Chavez-DeRemer [OR], Nick LaLota [NY] and Anthony D’Esposito [NY].

The Arizona Supreme Court won’t consider a bid by the head of the Arizona Republican Party to void executive orders issued by Democrat Governor Katie Hobbs designed to make registration and voting easier—at least not now, and possibly not ever.

Remember, this is a party that promises but never delivers, a party of demented old men, and mascara-wearing RuPaul wannabes who hate women, the  LGBTQ+ community, immigrants, education and members of our military.

We don't need that so ...