The Funny Papers

Bill Bramhall, Tim Campbell, Ann Telnaes, Darrin Bell, Chuck Legge, Mike Luckovich, Pat Bagley, Steve Cousineau, Pedro X Molina, Max Espinosa, Gary Huck, Marc Murphy, Nick Anderson, Kevin Siers, Clay Bennett

Meme Dump

Meme Dump

Bobservations

Carlos had to be at the County Courthouse this week for an interpretation, so I dropped him off on my way to work. I asked how he was getting home and he said he’d figure it out, so I told him to call me if nothing canes up and I could leave for a minute to take him home. A few hours later I got this text:

“Hi honey, I’m home. Guess what? I got to ride in a patrol car because the sheriff gave me a ride home!”

I asked if they cuffed him to keep him from playing with the siren ... or the officer.

Tuxedo is putting all his efforts into removing Thomas, and her husband Clarence, from the Supreme Court.

SIDENOTE: I took a few days off work after MaxGoldberg passed, and when I went back I had two utterly different encounters with co-workers.

One came up to me, gave me a hug and a card, and asked, very softly, because she didn’t know:

“Was it Tuxedo?”

I told her No, and added that had it been Tuxedo, as much as I loved Max, I would have needed much more time off.

A second co-worker said:

“Oh, I thought it was a family member and not just a cat.”

After my fellow co-workers pulled me off this bitch I told her that Max was a family member and told her that under no circumstances should she ever have a pet.

In Georgia, Fulton County Superior Court Judge Robert McBurney has ordered Senator Lindsey Graham to testify in front of a special grand jury looking into possible election tampering by Thing 45.

Graham tried to sue his way out of it, but the judge said, ‘No, ma’am.’ He will be asked about the two phone calls he made in November 2020 to Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger try and change the results in Georgia.

Lordy, her undergarments will be shvitzing.

This week the House passed a bill to recognize same-sex marriages at the federal level and … huge surprise … forty-seven Republicans joined the Democrats in support of the measure.

This new Respect for Marriage Act would codify federal protections for same-sex couples that were put in place in 2015 and would repeal the Defense of Marriage Act of 1996.

It now heads to the Senate, where Democrats have a slight edge, but word today is that a couple of Republicans might be willing to vote ‘Yes.’

Of course, one of those is flip-flopping Susan Collins so … fingers crossed.

Rumor has it that late in her Shelley Winters was offered a film role with the caveat that she provide a head shot and come in for an audition. Shelley obliged and showed up with a large bag which she set on the table. She opened the bag, took out her Oscar and said:

“Here’s my head shot.”

Then she reached into the bag and took out her second Oscar and said:

“And here’s my fucking audition.”

Those producers should have known that you don’t come for Shelley Winters.

All 25 Republican members of the Ohio Senate were mailed envelopes full of feces last week from a Cleveland post office. The shitty packages were intercepted before reaching the senators.

Huh, I wonder what envelopes full of feces sent to all GOP senators means?

No reports on whether similar envelopes had been sent to Ohio House Republicans.

I have been looking for the perfect coverup for when I get out of the pool, and while this one seems a bit fussy, I think it might be a winner.

Brandy Bottone was ticketed in Dallas for driving in the carpool lane with only one person in the car. But Brandy is 24 weeks pregnant and since the Supreme Court overturned Roe v Wade, and Texas now considers a fetus a person, she was within her rights to drive in the HOV lane.

She says you cannot have it both ways.

Also in Texas, the Martin House Brewing Co. of Fort Worth thinks everyone deserves the taste of meat in their adult beverages and have opted to turn hot dog water into a new flavor of hard seltzer called Bun Length, with a 5.2% alcohol content, which is brewed with the leftover water from 52 pounds of boiled frankfurters.

You may start vomiting now.

Frank Christians is a model, TV host and actor, and a true silver fox with ice blue eyes, who looks good in clothes and out of them. So, Would You Hit It?