Showing posts with label Hannibal Buress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hannibal Buress. Show all posts

Saturday, December 16, 2017

It's Snarkurday!

Charlie Sheen is suing the Enquirer over their story that, on the set of 1986’s Lucasthen-19-year-old Charlie Sheen raped then-13-year-old Corey Haim.

It all broke when former actor Dominick Brascia told the Enquirer that Sheen was the predator hinted at in a Radar story that ran In September. Dominick—who has also been accused of molesting Haim—says Corey claimed Sheen coerced him into smoking weed and having anal sex. The Enquirer also claims that various “sources” told them that Corey wasn’t Charlie’s only alleged victim, and that Sheen inspired Corey’s subsequent drug abuse, which led to his early death at 38.

And so naturally, Charlie Sheen is the Enquirer and releasing this statement:
“In my nearly 35 years as a celebrated entertainer, I have been nothing shy of a forthright, noble and valiant courier of the truth. Consistently admitting and owning a laundry list of shortcomings, wrongdoings and indiscretions this traveler hath traveled — however, every man has a breaking point. … “These radically groundless and unfounded allegations end now. I now take a passionate stand against those who wish to even entertain the sick and twisted lies against me. GAME OVER.”
Sheen is suing the Enquirer, Enquirer executive Dylan Howard, and Dominick Brascia for “defamation and false light” and claiming that Dylan only published the story because the Enquirer couldn’t break the story that Sheen is HIV+.

It’s all icky; Sheen ALLEGEDLY raping Haim; other boys molesting Haim; Sheen’s pronouncement of how honorable a man he is.

Yeah, I think that’s the most insane part of the story.
I wasn’t so surprised to see Dustin Hoffman “outed” as a sexual predator, groper, abuser. I’d read a story about how he treated Meryl Streep on the set of Kramer v Kramer and he’s a pig. But I was surprised, somewhat, at many women he abused physically, verbally and emotionally over the years, and how many women’s careers and lives were nearly ruined because of it.

Cases in point: Anna Graham Hunter was seventeen when she worked with Hoffman in 1985 and says Hoffman harassed her and assaulted her on a daily basis. And, in 1991, he did the same thing with playwright Wendy Riss Gatsiounis.

Last week, when John Oliver simply asked Hoffman for an explanation regarding what these women, and others, have said, Hoffman got pissy, defensive and claimed he’d never met Anna Graham Hunter.  And then he used his role in Tootsie as the reason he could never be a pig because he played the character onscreen and loves women and would never!

And yet now others have come forward, like Kathryn Rossetter, who costarred with Hoffman in Death of a Salesman on Broadway and on TV, who says she auditioned for Death of a Salesman because she admired Hoffman as an actor and was thrilled that he pushed for her to get the part. But, when rehearsals began, Hoffman got her into his hotel room and demanded a back rub; she says she gave him a “lame” back rub that ended when the maid interrupted them. When the play began, however, the harassment and assault intensified:
“Since they loved my laugh, it was decided that I would stand in the wings … and laugh on cue in a memory scene. … That scene led directly into the scene in the second act with Dustin and me in the hotel room and Biff walking in on us. My costume was a vintage slip, no bra, garter belt and stockings. The wing space was limited, so directly behind me was a chair where Dustin would sit … One night in Chicago, I felt his hand up under my slip on the inside of my thighs. I was completely surprised and tried to bat him away while watching the stage for my cues. After the show he was busy with the producer and director so I had no access to him to address it. It then happened almost every show. Six to eight shows a week … One night he actually started to stick his fingers inside me. … I withdrew and got depressed … How could the same man who fought to get me the job, who complimented my work, who essentially launched my career, who gave me the benefit of his wisdom as an actor, how could he also be this sexual power abuser?”
Perhaps because he felt a sense of ownership over a woman because he “helped’ or maybe it’s just because he’s a pig; at any rate …
“The groping continued. After the shows at parties, whenever he had a picture taken with me, he would put his arm around my rib cage and then grab my breast just before they snapped the picture and then remove it. He was very skilled at dropping his hand just as the picture snapped to avoid it being recorded. … Only by luck do I have one such picture — where the camera caught him in the act. A picture I had taken with hopes of sending it to my family. A millisecond in time. There I am — big smile and my arm moving toward his with the intention to push it away. But caught as it is, it seems I’m complicit with the gesture. I was not. Not ever.”
Rossetter says one night Hoffman told crew members he was going to assault her and they all gathered backstage to watch him pull down her slip and reveal her breasts.

Pig. But there may be revenge, in a way that would hurt an ego like Tiny Dustin the most; he has a new film coming out and there was … was … talk of an Oscar nomination. Maybe this story will stop that.

Again. Pig.
More pig? Mario Batali.

It seems that Batali is “stepping away” from his empire, as well as ABC’s The Chew, on the heels of several allegations of sexual misconduct.

Four women have accused Batali of sexual harassment and assault spanning nearly 20 years; a female chef ALLEGES that a drunk Batali offered her a job, then groped her breasts; two other his female former employees have accused him of grabbing and groping them,; a third woman says he groped her breasts at a party.

Batali didn’t deny the allegations, but said:
“I apologize to the people I have mistreated and hurt. Although the identities of most of the individuals mentioned in these stories have not been revealed to me, much of the behavior described does, in fact, match up with ways I have acted. That behavior was wrong and there are no excuses. I take full responsibility and am deeply sorry for any pain, humiliation or discomfort I have caused to my peers, employees, customers, friends and family.”
Apparently, he’s desperate to save his “empire,” which may be difficult as more stories come out.
Hannibal Buress made his mark in Miami last week, but not the way he would have liked, I’m guessing.

Buress, ALLEGEDLY red-eyed and booze-scented, was leaving an Art Basel event and asked a police officer to call him an Uber. When the cop refused, Buress ALLEGEDLY got “angry and belligerent”—and, perhaps, a little “Don’t you know who I am?”—but walked back inside the venue with the officer following.

The officer thought Buress too drunk to be inside, so he asked him several times to leave; finally, after Buress stepped outside the officer again told him … five times … to leave the area five times, and he declined, and began shrieking profanities, and was arrested.

A witness filmed his arrest, and Hannibal did not go peacefully; he demanded to know what he was being arrested for… um, smell your breath …and when he was told he was being collared for trespassing, he didn’t take kindly to that reason. So, the officers put his drunk ass in the car and added disorderly intoxication to the trespassing charge.

I really wanted to hear him say “Don’t you know who I am?’ So someone, anyone, might respond, “Tracey Morgan? Kevin Hart? My waiter at Carrabas?”

Then Buress would really go off. Still, he had his mugshot taken at Glamour Shots, or so it seems.
So, Kevin Spacey. Before all the groping of young boys became news to everyone, Spacey was cast in a showy role in All The Money In The World.

But when the sexually assaulted boys began talking, Ridley Scoot, the director of the film, which was finished at the time, decided to spend $10 million reshooting all of Spacey’s scenes with Christopher Plummer taking over. Even other actors in the scenes, like Michelle Williams and Mark Wahlberg came back to the movie to film with Plummer, and this week … thanks to Karma … Christopher Plummer was nominated for a Golden globe for his part in the film.

Clearly, since the film won’t come out until Christmas Day, who else besides Scott and some editors saw Plummer’s performance? I mean, is he so great that he gets a nod for a film no one has seen, or is it clap-back at Spacey.

Yeah, clap-back.
What’s the newest, bestest, fastest way to improve ratings for a morning show?

Maybe having one of your cohosts fired for being handsy.

Yup, NBC’s Today Show is riding a ratings tidal wave since Matt Lauer was canned for being a pervert an is even outperforming Good Morning America.

How long until ABC gets a scandal of its own? I wonder, because after Charlie Rose’s sexual assault allegations, the rating for CBS This Morning are still in the tank, so maybe it’s not the story but the fact that Matt Lauer’s smug face is off TV.
I loved that they’ve rebooted Will & Grace this year, and I am mildly interested in the upcoming reboot of Roseanne, but there are some shows that, well, should never have appeared on a TV screen in the first place.

Blossom.

Blossom ran for five seasons on NBC and focused on the title character, a flowery hat wearing Blossom Russo, played by Mayim Bialik and her Dad, Ted Wass, and brothers Tony, Michael Stoyanov, and Joey, played by Joey Lawrence. And it’s Lawrence who’s been pushing for a reboot of the show, saying:
“There’s been serious talk about [a revival], believe it or not. Mayim and I have both said we’d be into it. We’ve talked to Don Reo about it, who created it. If there’s a way in, then I think we’re all down for it.”
Sure, Joey wants a Blossom reunion because what else is he doing? I mean, Mayim is appearing on a real hit show, Big Bang Theory and so does anyone think she’d give up that job for a second shot at Blossom?

The long and short answers are both ‘No.’

 Sorry Joey, take a seat.

Saturday, July 01, 2017

It's Snarkurday!

So, Iggy Azalea. I don’t know her. And I don’t know who, or what, Halsey is, either, but apparently Halsey, who is bi-racial, and has blue hair apparently, fired some shady shots at Iggy, calling her a “moron” with a “complete disregard for black culture.” 

M’kay. And so then, Iggy talked about Halsey while on an Australia radio show, saying she was surprised Halsey came for her and said she wouldn’t have done the same because she doesn’t come for people she doesn’t know:
“Yeah, it’s a bit weird to bring someone up in an interview that you weren’t asked about. It’s kind of like if we were talking right now and then I just like, randomly started talking about Janet Jackson ... For me, because I’m a famous person obviously and I know a lot of the time people have opinions and they’re not always accurate, so I really try very hard not to give my personal opinions about people that I don’t know. I don’t know her.”
Mariah Carey’s lawyers are thinking of filing a copyright infringement lawsuit against Iggy because “I don’t know her” is a Mimi Trademark.
Speaking of Mimi, after her cameo in The House was scrubbed because of her diva antics, she flew into Tel Aviv to promote her partnership with skincare line, Premier Dead Sea Cosmetics.

Mimi wanted to talk beauty and Mimi, her two favorite topics, but the press wanted to discuss James Packer, her billionaire ex, and his possible involvement in a corruption scandal.

See, Packer is friends with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who is under investigation for ALLEGEDLY accepting illegal gifts from rich businesspeople ... like James Packer who ALLEGEDLY wanted to buy himself some Israeli citizenship for tax reasons. Packer ALLEGEDLY gifted members of the Netanyahu family with vacations and use of his private jet, and even gave free tickets to see Mimi perform in Israel in 2015—I kid, perform? I mean totter around on hooker heels and lip sync.

So, when Mimi met with reporters to push Premier Dead Sea Cosmetics she was asked about Packer and acted as though she had no idea who he was before muttering something about staying out of politics. And when the reporter brought up the free concert tickets, Mimi tried to joke her way out of it before awkwardly saying she feels bad if that happened. Then came a question about a dinner Mimi and Packer had with the Netanyahus, and if she remembered any “gift giving.”

Mimi said all she remembered was the food. Go figure. Mimi and food, til death do they part.
Real Housewife of New York, and Pinot Grigio slurper, Ramona Singer had a “meltdown” in the Hamptons recently when she confronted publicist Anna Rothschild and accused her of tattling about Singer and her ex-husband Mario Singer’s 2014 affair with Kasey Dexter.

While witnesses said Ramona—who divorced Mario last year—“had a meltdown” and “screamed” at Rothschild, saying she was “evil, horrible . . . you broke up my family,” Rothschild calmly replied:
“Your husband was the one who left you and broke up your family.”
Afterwards, i.e. after sobering up, Singer tried to downplay the incident by saying she “merely expressed to her that I felt it was a low blow to ... [release] private information on my then-marriage and family.”

A Singer alcohol-induced meltdown and no Bravo cameras around to capture it? Then maybe it didn’t really happen.
Lord help us all, but ... Lindsay Lohan is trying to be the new GOOP.

Last week Lohan announced on Instagram and Twitter that she had launched a subscription-based lifestyle site called, wait for it, Lindsay Lohan.

I would’a gone with LOOPY.

But, for just $2.99 a month, you can have access to Lindsay’s life, beauty secrets and lifestyle tips ... like how to apply make-up for a mugshot, how many lawyers to have on speed dial after a bar brawl, how to wangle a better color than orange for a jumpsuit.

I think, though, for $3.99, you might get Lindsay After Dark and already several Russian businessmen are plunking down rubles that for that one,

Just sayin’.
Media whore Kelly Osbourne marched in NYC’s Pride Parade last week because, media whore, but the big story was that, while marching, Kelly really had to go and so she ducked into a Starbucks to use the bathroom and says the baristas gave her the “The toilet is for customers only” spiel and so Kelly Osbourne pissed herself.

Seriously? Why didn’t she just buy something then? Oh yeah, media whore; if she’d bought something she wouldn’t have peed in her shoes and then traipsed all over social media to complain about how hard her life is, without ever thinking that the Starbucks bathroom is for customers and not the tens of thousands of people marching down NYC’s already urine-soaked streets.

But Starbucks Corporate told their side of the story and essentially pissed on Kelly Osbourne again by saying that particular Starbucks has no bathroom and that customers are “typically directed to a store a few blocks away.”

I guess Kelly just couldn’t make it or else, yeah, media whore.
The finale of HBO’s Silicon Valley aired this week and marked the final appearance of  T.J. Miller.

Last month it was announced that Miller and producers had “mutually agreed” this season would be his last, but then T.J. started talking and talking and ... maybe it wasn’t so mutual?

Miller says he never spoke to executive producer Alec Berg about his decision to leave because “I don’t like Alec,” and, “I don’t know how smart [Alec] is. He went to Harvard, and we all know those kids are fucking idiots. That Crimson trash.”

Burning bridges. That’ll play well in Hollywood.

Congrats T.J. you’ve officially become the new Sean Young or Katherine Heigl. Good luck squeezing into that cat-suit or hawking kitty litter

Google “Sean Young Catwoman” and “Katherine Heigl Kitty Litter” if you wanna know.
Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner are their mother’s daughters because they’ll do anything for attention ... like literally stealing images of famous African-American rap artists and putting their own Jenner-branded stink on them.

Seriously; the Kendall + Kylie clothing line has a bunch of vintage-style t-shirts for “bands” and rap artists, like Biggie and Tupac, and then they stamped their own faces on the shirts too, because when you think Biggie or Tupac you also think untalented hacks who’ve become famous because their older sister fucked on camera and their mother sold that video.

But, as soon as the t-shirts went on sale online, everyone was outraged and suddenly the t-shirts were pulled from the online store, and so Kendall took to Twitter to apologize and actually uttered the line:
“These designs were not well thought out.” 
Ya think? Because nothing Jenner or Kardastrophe is ever fully thought out, except for how it might keep their names in the press.

That Woman must be sqeeeeeeeing all over herself.
Something new has been revealed in the filing of Johnny Depp’s lawsuit against his former managers, The Management Group [TMG].

TMG filed an extensive chronology of their communications with Depp to prove they had informed him of his extensive money issues for years and to prove he has a history of lying publicly and a history of paying people off to lie for him.

The lie in question is that Johnny Depp had full knowledge that his two dogs, Boo and Pistol, were being smuggled into Australia in 2015.

Depp, working on Pirates of the Caribbean 5 at the time, claimed Amber and some staffers “accidentally” smuggled in the dogs, which is against Aussie laws. Heard ended up pleading guilty to a minor charge and paid a fine.

But now TMG says Depp was “fully aware that he was illegally bringing his dogs to Australia, and when confronted [he] heavily pressured one of his long-term employees to ‘take the fall.’”

And so there’s a slight chance Johnny Depp could face perjury charges; Australian Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce:
“If the allegation is correct, there’s a word for that—it is called perjury. We’re an island continent and we take biosecurity very seriously and it doesn’t matter if you think that you’re Mr. Who’s Who of Hollywood, you’re going to obey our laws.”
Now, it’s probably just huffing and puffing by Joyce, but it’d be kinda sweet to see Depp up on perjury charges since he ALLEGEDLY had his then wife, and then employee, take the fall for the Dog Smuggling.
Again, someone I do not know: Hannibal Buress.

But he’s apparently in the new Spider-Man: Homecoming and recently walked the red carpet at the LA premiere ... or did he?

For whatever reason, the real Hannibal Buress didn’t want to go to the premiere, so he ALLEGEDLY put out an open call on Twitter—which has since been deleted—asking for a look-a-like with “solid comedic timing” to go in his place. He asked all interested candidates to provide pictures, and if chosen, they would receive $500 compensation. And then he chose LA actor and screenwriter Joe Carroll.

Buress best be careful lest Joe Carroll make a better Buress impression and instead of producers asking for Buress, they’ll start asking for a Buress look-a-like.