I Didn't Say It ...

Ronan Farrow, on Harvey Weinstein’s move to smear his alleged victimns before the story, er, stories, broke:

“He began to hire private security agencies to collect information on the women and the journalists trying to expose the allegations. According to dozens of pages of documents, and seven people directly involved in the effort, the firms that Weinstein hired included Kroll, which is one of the world’s largest corporate-intelligence companies, and Black Cube, an enterprise run largely by former officers of Mossad and other Israeli intelligence agencies.”

All that to cover-up the fact that he is a sexual predator.

And one wonders why victims, especially victims of powerful men, don’t come forward? Maybe it’s because the arsenal people like Weinstein collect to victim blame.

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Ken Paxton, Texas Attorney General, urging Texans to bring more guns into churches:

“All I can say is, you know, in Texas at least we have the opportunity to have concealed-carry, And so if it’s a place where somebody has the ability to carry, there’s always the opportunity that gunman will be taken out before he has the opportunity to kill very many people.”

Yes, more people with guns firing them in a tiny, crowded church is the solution.

Oh, Texas, this is what you want? This is what you believe?

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Michael Che, SNL’s Weekend Update co-anchor, coming for _____:

“I’m tired of watching the president of the United States have an emotional breakdown on Twitter like he’s Tyrese. If you want to live-Tweet ‘Morning Joe’ or ‘Cupcake Wars’ or whatever you watch, fine, but indictments are important and you work for us. So go put on your baggy suit, fold your hair nice, and answer all of our questions face-to-face like the public servant that you are.”

Demand answers.

That Fat Bastard works for us.

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Brian Stelter, CNN, calling out Kellyanne Conway for her misinformation—and that means lies, y’all—about the Steele Dossier being completely unverified:

“Parts of it have been verified. That is misinformation that you’re spreading on my program Kellyanne, and I don’t appreciate it. Much of the dossier, you just said the entire dossier is unverified. That is inaccurate…Pieces of the dossier have been verified, and when you say it’s unverified, you actually mislead the American people.”

Lie. She lies. They all lie. And then they try to spin the lie. But it’s still lies.

I wanna see more people calling this b*tch out, and the entire _____ team, when they lie.

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Tim Cook,  Apple CEO talks about the dangers of social media:

“I don’t believe the big issue are ads from foreign governments. I believe that’s like .1 percent of the issue. The bigger issue is that some of these tools are used to divide people, to manipulate people, to get fake news to people in broad numbers so as to influence their thinking. This to me is the No. 1 through 10 issue.”

So says the man who has helped create devices that allow this sort of thing to happen. Sure, people need to be more diligent and realize that a meme isn’t news, and to investigate what they read on social media, but I still find it odd that Tim Cook is warning of the dangers of social media when that’s what pads his bank accounts.

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Jenny Hagel, Late Night writer, on Kevin Spacey’s offensive decision to come out as gay in response to allegations of sexual assault:

“I’m gay, and as a gay woman, I have a lot of problems with Kevin Spacey’s statement. It is inappropriate to respond to an accusation of pedophilia by saying ‘I’m gay’. Those things are totally unrelated. The only appropriate response to ‘you tried to have sex with a 14-year old’ is ‘I am also a 14-year old.’ [And to blame it on being drunk] makes it sound like every gay person is two beers away from molesting a kid. I’m not. I’m two beers away from singing ‘Come to My Window’ at karaoke. And three beers away from singing it from my window. [And] now you choose to live as a gay man, after you threw us all under the bus? That’s like  saying ‘I told everyone you’re an asshole. Now I choose to come to your dinner party.’ Too late you’re not invited anymore. The gay community has been made up of brave, brilliant people like Alan Turing and Audre Lorde and Billie Jean King. You’re not in the gay community, you’re in the creep community. Go celebrate creep pride, and throw a little creep parade, and leave us out of it.”

Bravo.

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Joanna Krupa, a former “real housewife” on the canceled Real Housewives of Miami, coming to the defense of Jeremy Piven over allegations that he sexually assaulted several women:

“I love Jeremy Piven, like I’ve known Jeremy Piven for a very long time. He’s like the nicest f—king guy I’ve ever met. Jeremy never did anything wrong to me. He’s always been an amazing friend to me, so I support him. I knew about Harvey Weinstein over 10 years ago. Do I have any issues with him? No. I hope this whole situation gets better and people in Hollywood actually get hired for their talent. So I think people are taking advantage of the whole situation with Weinstein, and they’re trying to make a living or they’re trying to get famous.”

Indeed, cuz nothing says ‘Hire me’ like Harvey Weinstein tried to rape me. Nothing says I wanna be famous like ‘Jeremy Piven groped me.’

Way to victim blame you dim bulb.

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Ezra Miller, openly gay actor, on the reaction to his “coming out”:

“I was told, when I gave that interview ... This is an interesting thing to talk about. I was told by a lot of people I’d made a mistake. Folks in the industry, folks outside the industry. People I’ve never spoken to. They said there’s a reason so many gay, queer, gender-fluid people in Hollywood conceal their sexual identity, or their gender identity in their public image. I was told I had done a ‘silly’ thing in ... thwarting my own potential to be a leading man. ‘You’ve made a mistake’ is such a hard thing to hear. Maybe if I’d actually made a serious mistake? But not for this. I didn’t think I’d done anything wrong, though there have been moments of doubt as a result of those conversations. But…what they said was, in fact, ‘rubbish’, as you might say. We are the ones. It’s up to us to manifest the world we want to exist in. But we’re ready. Humans are ready.”

And the ones who aren’t ready need to step out of the way and keep their mouths closed.

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It's Snarkurday!

We haven’t heard a lot from Kanye lately, perhaps because his meds are, well, were, balanced and working. But now, after his—as The Queen might call it—annus horribilis ... not bad anus, but horrible year ... Kanye is ready to make someone pay.

Namely his insurance company; yup, Kanye is suing Lloyd’s of London $10 million he says he’s owed because he had a mental breakdown last year after cancelling his last tour.

It all started last year with the highly publicized “jewel heist” in Paris when Missus Yeezy had her costume jewelry stolen; that made Kanye cancel two shows and he wants to be reimbursed. But then came his, not one, but two, onstage, Dear Baby Jeebus he’s lost his mind moments in both San Jose and Sacramento before finally putting the tour, and his audiences, out of their misery and checking into the UCLA Neuropsychiatric Hospital Center.

Two days later, while still being cared for crazy, he submitted the first of his loss claims to Lloyd’s, though now Kanye says he hasn’t seen a penny.

The suit goes on to say Lloyd’s have not “provided anything approaching a coherent explanation about why they have not paid” but that they have implied that “Kanye’s use of marijuana may provide them with a basis to deny the claim.”

Look, here’s the deal, Yeezy, your wife had a meltdown after a robbery and you took time off; you don’t get paid for that, it’s called being a husband. Then you freaked out on your audience—who paid to see you, though I have no good reason for that—and you want more money for ranting and stomping off-stage and checking into a hospital to determine you’re crazy, though you were ALLEGEDLY sane enough to file a claim from your bed?

Yup, you Krazy.

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Anthony Scaramucci, we hardly knewcci.

I stole that from Twitter.

Anyway ... like a once bright shining star that burned too hot, and died too soon, The Mooch is gone, and before we knew what happened; or do we?

See, what had happened was that The Married Mooch’s relationship with Fox news correspondent Kimberly Guilfoyle may have been one of the reasons for his ouster.

It appears that, since The Mooch was dating the Fox news blonde, that certain gossip sites had begun looking into White House shenanigans, like the dinner The mooch and The Mistress attended at the White House that was leaked to the press and lead to Scaramucci’s “tirade” about, um, well, servicing his own Little Mooch.

See, the gossip sites wanted the real deal behind why The Mooch was out and about dating when his wife, nine months pregnant, was about to give birth.

Yup, when a man squires his jump-off to the White House while his wife is giving birth to his child, people talk, and maybe the White House needed one less scandal. And, as of this week, Anthony, who sent a text to his wife congratulating her on giving birth to their child, still has not seen his new born.

But, you know, he’s been busy trying to sell his ten-minute story to the news media.

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Remember when Aretha Franklin faxed her displeasure with Dionne Warwick over some lingering beef from Whitney Houston’s funeral? I mean, the fight was real, but it was the idea that RiRi faxed the info to the press that was high-larious, because I thought she’d send a telegram.

Well, now Franklin maybe ponying up some cash to get the Pony Express the relay her next story: her feud with Patti LaBelle.

LaBelle has an interview with PrideSource—she has a new jazz album, Bel Hommage, to peddle—and it seems to go along the lines of an interview she gave back in 2014, where she claimed she was no longer a “diva” because “all these little heifers who can’t sing are called divas.”

Now, in case you forgot, the original beef between LaBelle and Franklin was pie ... and chili. See, Pattie began going door-to-door hawking her Sweet Potato Pie and so Aretha got all up in the frozen food biz and began driving around the country selling Aretha’s Chili, Gumbo, Chicken, and Desserts. Patti gave a five-octave, Oh hell nooooooooooooooooooooooo and it was on.

Patti said in that interview:

“Now, there are a lot of ladies in this industry who don’t care for Patti LaBelle but I look at them and I smile. Because what can I do? I can’t change your mind, boo, because I don’t wanna change your mind. You go on thinkin’ about me the way you think.”

In case you missed it, ‘boo’ is Franklin and, in this case, ‘boo’ means you best watch your step Franklin or else I’ll snatch that wig off your head and those dead animals skins off your back.

Still, why not do us all a favor, stop cooking, shut up and sing.

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Queen Elizabeth II is 91 years old and maybe she’s lived this long because she follows one strict rule; alcohol. Yup, she’s pickled. Well, she gets pickled ion a daily basis.

Business Insider has a list of all the things The Queen likes to eat and drink in a day, like the usual suspects, tea and biscuits, toast and marmalade, tea sandwiches.

But it’s her cocktails that are interesting: The Queen has four drinks a day ... or drinks four times a day ... and ALLEGEDLY starts before noon with a Dubonnet and gin with a slice of lemon. That’s right, booze on booze; I bow down to this Queen. 

Then she has wine with lunch, followed by a dry gin martini and after dinner, she has a glass of champagne.

Wait; what happened to the before dinner drinks and the during dinner wines? I think maybe the Queen has a bit more than four, and , yeah, I’ll party with her.

Maybe, if I get her drunk enough, she’ll let me wear one of her hats ... and tell Prince Harry to sit on my lap.

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Speaking of getting your drunk on ... didn’t Ben Affleck spend some time in rehab last year for alcohol abuse? Then please to explain why Ben and his girlfriend of three months years, Lindsay Shookus, were spotted at a liquor store in Maine.

Both Radar and People report that Ben and Lindsay were spotted at the Umbrella Factory liquor store in Naples, Maine on Sunday. But, maybe he had nothing to hide, because NotBatmanAnymore Affleck posed for pictures with a store employee.

And the best part is the employee posted the picture to social media and then added other pictures from the store security camera, of Ben and Lindsay, Bindsay? Afflookus? in the store the day before.

And, to be fair, an alcoholic in a liquor store isn’t an automatic relapse. Maybe he was just helping Lindsay with her stash?

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Ever since The Beauty And The Beast live-action remake shocked everyone by not being a Big Budget D-I-Saster, everyone has been tossing around live-action remakes of Disney movies. 

Lin Manuel-Miranda is ALLEGEDLY bringing The Live-Action Little Mermaid to the screen, and Will “I’m No Scientologist” Smith has signed on to be the genie in an Aladdin reboot.

Robin Williams be damned, I say.

But now comes word that Beyoncé is close to signing a deal to voice Nala in The Lion King and that Disney is expected to fork over $25 million for it. Seriously? For $25 million you don’t get the ass-shaking, weave-whipping, fierce-grunting Bey? You just get lip-syncing Beyoncé?

Walt Disney’s frozen head must be spinning in his cryogenic freezer.

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So, back in 2013, ex-Real Housewife Brandi Glanville appeared on Watch What Happens Live and Andy Cohen asked her about some story she’d told once about fellow ex-Real House Joanna Krupa having a smelly, um, er, well, it’s the Age of _____ so, pussy.

Brandi says ex-Real Housewife Yolanda Foster’s ex-husband, Mohamed Hadid, told her that he’d slept with Krupa and she smelled bad ... down there. He's quite the gentleman. So, Brandi took the tale to TV and the world and Krupa took her to court, though that begs the question:

How does one prove their vah-jay-jay don’t stink and how do I avoid that jury duty.

Doody. Hee hee. Brandi demanded a “trial by jury” and Krupa wasn’t walking away, so it looked like this mess would happen but ... it’s case closed now.

The feuding reality “stars” have reached an out-of-court settlement with the stipulations remaining confidential, though Krupa’s lawyers say she’s pleased with the outcome and Brandi eating ... no, not that ... crow:

“I want to apologize to Joanna Krupa for the statements I have made about her. I regret making such statements about Joanna Krupa; I also certainly never intended my statements to be taken so seriously and out of proportion. I apologize as I never wanted my statements to affect Joanna Krupa’s reputation and I wish her nothing but continued success in life.”

Wow. I never thought Brandi would back down! Perhaps she stopped drinking for half a minute and realized she’d never win that case unless she took a trip ... down there ... in court.

Ick.

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More Beyoncé ... back in February, the family of Anthony Barré, AKA Messy Mya, filed a suit against Beyoncé for using his voice in her song Formation.

Messy Mya was murdered in 2010 and then Beyoncé used samples of his voice in her song with no citation, no credit, no permission and no coins. And so the family sued, but since Beyoncé believes all she does is right, even stealing the art of a dead person for her own personal bank account, she filed to dismiss the case and went on about her business.

Not so fast, gurl, said Judge Nannette Jolivette Brown, who denied the request.

At this stage facts ALLEGED by the plaintiff are deemed true, and Brown found that Barre had made a case that Beyoncé’s use of the clips was not transformative and that, although the samples were short, it was a “qualitatively significant” use. She also notes that a motion to dismiss for failure to state a claim, like this one, is “viewed with disfavor and is rarely granted.”

In other words, Beyoncé may think she’s all that, but Judge Brown say, Not today, Satan.

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So, Silver Foxes, the Golden Girls homage featuring aging homosexuals, is as dead as Sophia’s cooch. And Hollywood homophobia is ALLEGEDLY to blame!

The creators are saying that Hollywood is shutting doors on Foxes because of ageism and homophobia because mature gays aren’t the most recognized demographic and they tend to be generally ignored ... especially from younger gays who don’t yet know that this will be them in a few years.

Co-creator, and co-writer of several Golden Girls episodes, Stan Zimmerman says he can’t get a major network to even look at the script:

“In all my years in television, I’ve never seen a script reading get so much attention. I think this proves that there’s a great interest in seeing a sitcom like ours come to life. Ageism and homophobia are not only keeping the show from getting picked up, but from even being read by a major network.”

The creators and the cast—George Takei, Leslie Jordan, Bruce Vilanch, and Todd Sherry—met up for a table read in June but that may be all that this turns out to be. And while I might have liked to see a gay Golden Girls but if I ever get to thinking about it, I’d realize there already was a gay Golden Girls called ...

The Golden Girls.

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It's Snarkurday!

Taylor Swift and her pals — and by ‘pals’ I mean the people she brought with her to VMA after-parties and paid their bar tabs, their hair and make-up tabs, stylists and transportation bills — were apparently a bunch of mean girls to diminutive pipsqueak pop star, Arianna Grande, and her brother, hanger-on-with-n-real-job, Frankie, because Swifty demanded the duo be kept away from her and her friend$.

At first, people thought it was just Frankie because … who? … but Swifty made it clear that she wanted an Arianna-Free Zone.

Perhaps TayTay was serving donuts and she didn’t want to tempt Grande who has been known to tongue some sweet treats?

It pays to be a Food Network star and it pays to divorce one, too.

Giada De Laurentiis is officially divorced from her husband Todd Thompson, but not without coughing up some coins.

Giada will pay Todd $9,000 a month in child support and give him their $3.2 million Pacific Palisades home, as well as $300,000 in art and furnishings. He also gets to keep his membership in the swanky Bel-Air Bay Club. In return, Giada gets all rights to an untitled Italian cookbook and her production company, Linguine Pictures, as well as the rights to GDL Foods, Inc.

But, because there was no prenup, Todd will also get 50% of the unpaid advances for various cookbooks, including a $2.5 million balance for Giada at Home/Weeknights with Giada, $2.3 million for Giada Feel Good Food, and $757,000 for Everyday Pasta/Giada’s Kitchen.

Wow. I should’a married a Food Network star!

So, fired Real Housewives of Beverly Hill’s “star” Brandi Glanville is being sued by out-of-a-job Real Housewives of Miami “star” Joanna Krupa because Brandi claims Krupa’s vagina stinks.

Uh huh. And that led to the lawsuit for “slander, libel, defamation and/or intentional inflection of emotional distress”.

Uh huh. And that led to Brandi’s defense lawyers and their questions that Krupa must answer in a deposition:

“Is it your contention in this lawsuit that your vagina and/or vulva are odorless? If yes, please explain with specificity why your vagina and/or vulva are odorless.”

Yup. Krupa will have to prove she has a sweet-smelling va-jay-jay.

That is one jury I want to be excused from …

In other Real Housewives of Beverly Hills news … recovering alcoholic and public drunk, Kim Richards won’t be heading to jail … at least not for acting the fool at a posh hotel.

Richards struck a plea deal this week and will get three years’ probation, and she must attend 52 Alcoholics Anonymous classes and complete 30 days of community labor, like cleaning up a freeway or a hotel bathroom after a drunk vomits in there.

Oh, and she is banned from the Beverly Hills Hotel … for life ... though she’s still facing charges for shoplifting $612.00 worth of stuff from Target.

I wonder if Target will ban her for life as well.

In more vagina news … I sense a trend and I don’t like it … this one is for the books.

A few years ago, some strange fan, or fanatic, started an online rumor that pop star Demi Lovato had, um, flicked her vagina during a meet and greet. Not only that, but Demi apparently flicked her vagina, made fun of the fan’s weight, and made her cry.

Demi called it the most ridiculous experience she’s ever had with a fan and now it’s come back up again because the fan apparently reposted the story …

“[Lovato] was rude, not classy and she lost a long time lovatic that day. I walked into the $350 [meet and greet] and say hello she replies with ‘fat’ and I shook it off because I thought maybe I had heard her wrong. As I approached her and asked to do my pose she stared at me blank faced. I continued talking ‘you saved my life’ I say ‘you’re the reason I’m alive today.’ She looks me dead in the eye and says ‘you’ll die soon enough fatty’ and then whispered ‘obesity.’ I started crying I had never felt pain like this and she started laughing and said ‘are you crying? Stop it. Stop it now’ and she flicked my vagina. I headed out of the M&G section and that’s when Demi started speaking whale to me. I still can’t believe this happened.”

The girl also claims that Lovato exchanged twitter messages and Demi kept up the fat rant, though the girl has no proof.

Seriously? Vagina flicking? Is this a thing?

And back to Swifty, who has apparently left one Sir Ian McKellen homeless.

In a recent interview, Sir Ian tells of the time that he was evicted from his apartment by TayTay. Yup, it seems that Swifty had purchased Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson’s NYC apartment whilst Sir Ian was crashing there. And rather than let it continue, TayTay demanded he leave at once.

According to McKellen, he was “thrown out” a month before he was supposed to leave and ended up sleeping with hobbits or something; but he holds no grudge against Swifty saying:

“Well she bought it, she’s every right to take it over. I was just lodging there for free you know.”

But maybe Ian is a bit miffed, because Swift recently asked McKellen and his bestie, Patrick Stewart, to join her on stage during one of her LA shows but they both declined.

You don’t kick out Gandolf — he was Gandolf, right? — and then ask him to help you out onstage.

So, Tom Brady is now not guilty in the DeflateGate scandal, though a new one might be brewing on the home front.

They say they’re fine, but rumor has it that this summer has been tough — with Tom’s deflated balls, and Giselle’s inflated breasts, and Tom hanging out with Ben Affleck’s nanny in Vegas — and Tom has been “nasty and cold” to Gisele and everyone else while he dealt with DeflateGate drama.

And this week Tom appeared in a photo without.his.wedding.ring!

And we all know what means … he left it on the bathroom counter ... in Vegas ... and Affleck's nanny is now wearing it.

Tori Spelling needs money, y’all. I mean, her billionaire daddy left her just 800K in the will, and since she ran through that she’s been selling her life on reality TV and now people are so sick of her and her cheating-not-cheating-porn-addicted husband, that she’s had to come up with a new way to make some coins … besides getting a job.

She’s suing Benihana. Tori claims she suffered second and third-degree burns after slipping at the Encino Benihana last April and falling onto one of the restaurant’s signature table-side hibachi grills.

Spelling claims to have accrued medical expenses, “general damage” and wage loss—Wages? From what?—while she lolled about a hospital bed thinking of suing.

Tori? Dear? Get a job? Away from cameras and hot stoves? M’kay?

New Couple Alert:

Rosie O’Donnell and Tatum O’Neal are said to be having a “bicoastal” love affair.

Is that the PC term for it these days?