I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Oh. Hell. No. It’s been announced that 34-year-old Cynthia Erivo and 28-year-old Ariana Grande will star as Elphaba and Galinda in the film version of the Broadway musical Wicked and I am not here for it.

Here’s why … in both the book, which I have read, and the musical, which, yes, I have seen countless times, Elphaba and Galinda—she was Galinda before changing her name to Glinda—are the same age, and roommates in college. Erivo and Grande do not look the same age.

Now, I’m cool with Erivo, who is a formidable talent, but Grande? Come on. Find someone closer in age to Erivo who looks like a contemporary and not somebody’s little sister.

On the upside? Tens of thousands of people have signed a petition begging James Corden to stay out of the upcoming Wicked movie.

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For a while now there’s been a battle over the Hottest Chris … Pine, Hemsworth, Evans, or Pratt. Now, I’ve long been a fan of all three, Hemsworth with his hot body, Evans and his hot ass, and Pine with his sexy blue eyes, but I’ve never thought much of Pratt and now I think even less of him,.

Pratt was once married to Anna Faris, and they share a 9-year-old son named Jack. Jack was born seven weeks premature and weighed less than four pounds. He spent the first month of his life in the NICU before coming home and has had health issues and five separate surgeries due to his premature birth.

So what did Pratt do that earns him the title of Douchebag? Well, he took to Instagram to brag on his current wife Katherine Schwarzenegger and praised her for the things she’s given him, including an “amazing life” and a “gorgeous healthy daughter.”

Yes, Katherine gave him a healthy daughter while Anna … let’s not even talk about the misogyny of a man saying his wife “gave” him a child, as though that’s her duty, but to even praise her because the child she bore for him was healthy?

Pratt is a douche.

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Ramona Singer is the longest serving—like a jail sentence—member on The Real Housewives of New York City and is by far the worst. Though she rarely talks about it, she’s an ALLEGED Thing 45 fan, she thought COVID was a hoax, and is constantly saying racist, offensive shiz.

For example, at a “Black Shabbat” dinner she said that Jewish people hate her, and that she, too, was a victim of racism because a Black nurse ALLEGEDLY  refused to give her pain meds while she was in labor in 1987. And this past week, she commented “So true” on a video of Robert F. Kennedy Jr. comparing vaccine mandates to “Nazi territory.”

So that’s Ramona in a nutshell.

This past last season Eboni K. Williams joined the show as the first Black cast member, and not so coincidentally this past season was the first time ever that the reunion shows were cancelled. At first Bravo blamed that on “scheduling conflicts” even though the reunions are part of the filming schedule and planned out months in advance but then an uglier story broke that the cancellation had to do with an investigation into Ramona’s ALLEGED racist behavior and a comment she made during a fight when LuAnn de Lesseps kicked Eboni out of her home; Ramona ALLEGEDLY said:

“This is why we shouldn’t have Black people on the show.” 

Ramona immediately denied it, but … also says she signed a confidentiality agreement and can’t “share her side of the story.” Um, here’s the deal: someone accuses me of being a racist any “confidentiality” agreement is tossed out the window and I’m talking. But Ramona isn’t, and was asked by Bravo to undergo sensitivity training: AKA Stop Saying Racist Shit, Girl.

Eboni ALLEGEDLY filed a complaint against Ramona when she heard about the racist comment, and that Bravo took the ALLEGATION seriously enough to launch an investigation. Ramona was ultimately cleared though Williams was sad to be “dissatisfied” with the investigation and its findings.

And fans have their own thoughts: some think Bravo canceled the reunion so Eboni wouldn’t have a chance to confront Ramona about her racism, and others think the network is protecting Ramona so that people will watch her in the upcoming Peacock spin-off, The Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip, and that once the spin-off is done airing, Ramona will get fired.

Or, as I am apt to think, Andy Cohen will give her a pay raise for all the free publicity.

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Shailene Woodley, girlfriend of COVIDIOT Aaron Rodgers,  took to social media this week to slam the Daily Mail for misidentifying her boyfriend in a series of photos about him being a liar, saying the media outlet was “grasping at straws to disparage Aaron.” She posted screenshots from the story and drew a circle around the mystery man’s—who had been identified as Aaron in the photo—shoes and brought up the old wives’ tale that big feet mean big dick:

“i know aaron’s body. VERY well. first off, his feet, ahem and no offense to this rando dude, are a LOT bigger. ;).”

Wow, Shailene. Tell us more about your ALLEGEDLY big-dicked lying boyfriend; and she did:

“also, for those of us who know aaron beyond the worlds of obsessed sport and shitty media, it’s no secret he has the hairiest hands on the fucking planet. this oblivious homie, clearly, does not. (go ahead, zoom in).”

Whoosh, Shailene is pissed over, and obsessed by, big feet and hairy hands, and gets very angry about them. Lastly, she went after the man’s car:

“also, cute car dude, but aaron would never drive this.”

Take it down a notch, girl your boyfriend was asked if he had taken the COVID-19  vaccine and he said, “Yes.” And that was a lie. Now, did the Daily Mail maybe not use photos of the actual liar? Did they use a small-footed, smooth-handed, compact car driving man? Maybe.

But that doesn’t mean your boyfriend isn’t a liar, hon, and that doesn’t mean you sound desperate and pathetic.

Take a seat, Karen.

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If Dakota Johnson is your Secret Santa this year your, um, “stocking” will be stuffed.

For some reason known to no one other than Dakota, she announced that she will be giving Butt Plugs, designed by sexual wellness brand Maude, to friends and family for Christmas because nothing says Ho Ho Ho like a butt plug, I guess:

“Oh, this is going in everybody’s stocking. Are you kidding? It’s the perfect stocking stuffer. You think your uncle hasn’t wanted a butt plug his entire life? You’re lying.”

The butt plug, dubbed Cone, plug is a dark evergreen color and resembles a Christmas tree, perfect for the person who wants a Christmas tree up their bum.

Maude’s $30 “Cone” is made with FDA-grade, body-safe silicone that is soft to the touch. The tapered end of the toy and its smaller size makes it the perfect “starter size” for beginners, designed with both men and women in mind to make anal play “really approachable.”

Ho Ho … Oooh.

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It's Snarkurday!

After hinting about it for a few months, actress Uma Thurman finally gave a detailed account of her encounters with pervert Harvey Weinstein.

Thurman says their relationship started off professional, but that changed on the set of “Pulp Fiction,” when Weinstein suggested they meet in his hotel room and he wore just his usual bathrobe. Thurman admits she wasn’t initially alarmed by what Weinstein was wearing, but she began to question his intentions when he led her down a hallway to a steam room:

“I was standing there in my full black leather [Pulp Fiction] outfit — boots, pants, jacket. And it was so hot and I said, ‘This is ridiculous, what are you doing?’ And he was getting very flustered and mad and he jumped up and ran out.”

And that wasn’t her only interaction with the sexual predator; that incident led to another encounter in London that she described as “such a bat to the head”:

“He pushed me down. He tried to shove himself on me. He tried to expose himself. He did all kinds of unpleasant things, but he didn’t actually put his back into it and force me. I was doing anything I could to get the train back on the track. My track. Not his track.”

The next day Weinstein’s assistants arranged for Thurman to meet with him again and she claims he threatened her by saying, “if you do what you did to me to other people, you will lose your career, your reputation and your family, I promise you.”

Weinstein is now saying that he did make a pass at Thurman—dressing in a robe and trying to lure her into a steam room—because he’d “misread” her signals.

Okay, but what about the second time, pervert?

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Real Housewives of New York ‘star’ Ramona Singer apparently asked her assistant to bill Bravo for some of her more high-end clothing purchases and would then have the woman return the clothes and give her the refund.

According to a Manhattan lawsuit, Singer “asked [Lisa] Taubes to purchase designer clothes for the filming of Ms. Singer’s show and instructed plaintiff to submit receipts to Bravo cable Network for reimbursement” and “then asked Ms. Taubes to return the clothes for refund.” The suit also claims Singer instructed Taubes to “submit fake receipts for reimbursement on clothes that she already owned and demanded plaintiff carry out these tasks.”

The lawsuit did not say how much money in total Singer made from the alleged scam and, as of now, Singer ain’t talking. But apparently this mess occurred because Singer refused to pay her assistant, who then took the story public.

The allegations against Singer were made by an agency called T360, which provided her with an assistant. Singer initially agreed to pay $4,000 a month for up to 20 hours of assistant time, yet Singer allegedly demanded Taubes work more than 40 hours a week without extra compensation, in violation of their contract. Taubes was also forced to walk Singer’s dog— “outside the scope of the agreement”—and was expected to be on call 24/7 to meet the TV personality’s demands.

The suit seeks more than $150,000 in damages and claims that Singer “humiliated” the woman by firing her in the lobby of her building, and then then trying to force her into signing a non-disclosure agreement and when Taubes refused, Singer ALLEGEDLY pushed her.

Ramona Singer, for her part, is playing dumb, saying:

“I have no knowledge of any lawsuit. Her company did some work for my company. The relationship ended, and her company was paid in full for their services.”

Bravo is also not talking.

Huh, maybe Ramona can go to jail for stealing from Bravo and share a cell with her ‘co-star’ LuAnn Drunken de Lesseps.

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Lotsa folks overdo it on Super Bowl Sunday between the food and the cheering and, apparently, the booze.

Amirite Kevin Hart? Hart, a native of Philadelphia, was beyond excited that the Philadelphia Eagles beat the New England Patriots and so when the Eagles took to the stage to receive the Vince Lombardi trophy, Lil Kev tried to worm his way onstage! But he was dee-nied by a hulking security guard. The clip went viral and Twitter had a field day, as you’d expect.

Hart also crashed an interview by Game Day Prime with Eagles defensive lineman Fletcher Cox to say:

“I’ve been drinking. Philadelphia’s a great city. I thought, I hope this is an example of what we can do. We gave a f–k…ooh. I’m out.” 

He dropped the mic and staggered away.

Now, once you’ve made a fool of yourself dropping an f-bomb on TV or trying to take the stage with the Super Bowl champions, what else can you do? If you’re Lil Kev, you go on Instagram, still obviously drunk, to explain your being drunk:

“To all the kids out there, I just want to say, ‘Don’t drink.’ You know when alcohol is in your system you do dumb stuff. One of the top two stupidest things I’ve ever done, but who cares. The Eagles won the Super Bowl. Yeah I’m still a little tipsy—the world can kiss my ass.” 

Wow, just shows you tiny little egos can’t hold their booze and then they make fools of themselves on national TV.

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Last Summer rumor’s swirled that youngest Kardastrophe Klan member Kylie was pregnant after having gone on one date with Travis Scott. Kylie, for once, kept her mouth shut, and stayed outta sight, but now we know it’s true because there’s a new Kardastrophe spawn that she’s named Stormi.

Kris Jenner must be livid that it’s not a ‘K’ name because there goes a huge chance to brand that child.

But Stormi …where have I heard that name lately? Oh yeah, Stormy Daniels, the Fat Bastard’s porn star mistress. Kylie named her daughter after a porn star who’s been in the news for weeks.

No surprise, though, since her older sister Kim made a name for herself in porn. That’s how That Family rolls.

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Last week, Scott Baio’s Charles in Charge co-star Nicole Eggert accused him on Twitter of molesting her from the ages of 14 to 17 when he was 26. Baio clapped back on Facebook Live, fully denying the allegations, and accused her of seducing him when she turned 18.

Eggert took her tale to Megyn Kelly Today while Baio took his to Good Morning America.  

The first time Eggert brought forth these allegation, years ago, Baio told her to take it to the police; this week she did.

Eggert and her lawyer, Lisa Bloom, along with her former Charles In Charge co-star, Alexander Polinsky, met with detectives from LAPD’s Sexual Assault Section. Eggert spent two hours with detectives, talking about what Baio ALLEGEDLY did to her when she was 14, 15, and 16.

Polinsky was present to back up Eggert’s allegations, and Lisa Bloom came with a list of witnesses who claim to have seen Scott acting inappropriate around Nicole. Since the abuse ALLEGEDLY took place between 1986 and 1990, there’s a chance the statute of limitations has run out, but police are still ALLEGEDLY launching an investigation and are asking

“We’ve been demanding since last year that Nicole Eggert bring her story to the authorities. It’s good that she finally has, even if it’s part of a publicity campaign. Perhaps she can explain to them her ever-changing story.”

The good news is that Baio must put his version of the story on record, the bad news is that police will have to listen to a sanctimonious prick like Scott Baio, and maybe even his wife, who’s a bigger dick than her husband.

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The British royal wedding is still some two months away, and the invitation are heading out but it appears there’s room for only one Ginger Royal during the ceremony and former Ginger Duchess Sarah Ferguson is not that Ginger.

Rumor has it that Hot Prince Ginger Harry doesn’t exactly trust that Fergie 1.0 will keep her mouth shut and so he’s ALLEGEDLY not asking her to attend which should make things awkward at Fergie 1.0’s daughter Princess Eugenie’s fall wedding because Hot Prince Ginger Harry is invited to that soiree.

But is it Harry who banned Fergie? Maybe not; some are saying Harry’s dad and grandpa, Prince Charles and Prince Philip, are the ones who don’t want Fergie at the wedding because they feel she’s tarnished the royal family’s image with her antics, like trying to sell access to her ex-husband Prince Andrew for $750,000 or like marrying Andrew while still carrying on an affair with Camilla Parker Bowles … oh wait, that Prince Hypocrite Chuck. And, if you remember, Fergie didn’t go to Prince William and Duchess Kate’s wedding in 2011 because :::ahem::: she wasn’t invited.

But Harry may have the last word; he says he wants Fergie there and so Fergie will be there …in the seat not saved for Donald _____, I hope.

And, failing that, I’m sure Prince Andrew got an invitation for a Plus-One so there’s always that way in, too.

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Lastly, we talked Kylie Jenner’s new porn star baby, and yet we still have another Kardastrophe spawn in the wings because Khloe is also pregnant. She still has a few months to go, if her Instagram is truthful, because she tagged that photo with the note “29 weeks.”

Seeing that photo, and knowing what Khloe Kardastrophe really looks like, got me wondering if she was carrying the baby really high … like in her lips.

I mean, if you want to change your appearance because you’re unhappy with it, go ahead, but when you change it so drastically that you go from looking like yourself to looking like a $29.99 blow-up doll version of yourself, I wonder …

New Khloe is on the left …as if you needed my help … while Old Khloe is to the right.

Just sayin’.

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It's Snarkurday!

So, Iggy Azalea. I don’t know her. And I don’t know who, or what, Halsey is, either, but apparently Halsey, who is bi-racial, and has blue hair apparently, fired some shady shots at Iggy, calling her a “moron” with a “complete disregard for black culture.” 

M’kay. And so then, Iggy talked about Halsey while on an Australia radio show, saying she was surprised Halsey came for her and said she wouldn’t have done the same because she doesn’t come for people she doesn’t know:

“Yeah, it’s a bit weird to bring someone up in an interview that you weren’t asked about. It’s kind of like if we were talking right now and then I just like, randomly started talking about Janet Jackson ... For me, because I’m a famous person obviously and I know a lot of the time people have opinions and they’re not always accurate, so I really try very hard not to give my personal opinions about people that I don’t know. I don’t know her.”

Mariah Carey’s lawyers are thinking of filing a copyright infringement lawsuit against Iggy because “I don’t know her” is a Mimi Trademark.

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Speaking of Mimi, after her cameo in The House was scrubbed because of her diva antics, she flew into Tel Aviv to promote her partnership with skincare line, Premier Dead Sea Cosmetics.

Mimi wanted to talk beauty and Mimi, her two favorite topics, but the press wanted to discuss James Packer, her billionaire ex, and his possible involvement in a corruption scandal.

See, Packer is friends with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who is under investigation for ALLEGEDLY accepting illegal gifts from rich businesspeople ... like James Packer who ALLEGEDLY wanted to buy himself some Israeli citizenship for tax reasons. Packer ALLEGEDLY gifted members of the Netanyahu family with vacations and use of his private jet, and even gave free tickets to see Mimi perform in Israel in 2015—I kid, perform? I mean totter around on hooker heels and lip sync.

So, when Mimi met with reporters to push Premier Dead Sea Cosmetics she was asked about Packer and acted as though she had no idea who he was before muttering something about staying out of politics. And when the reporter brought up the free concert tickets, Mimi tried to joke her way out of it before awkwardly saying she feels bad if that happened. Then came a question about a dinner Mimi and Packer had with the Netanyahus, and if she remembered any “gift giving.”

Mimi said all she remembered was the food. Go figure. Mimi and food, til death do they part.

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Real Housewife of New York, and Pinot Grigio slurper, Ramona Singer had a “meltdown” in the Hamptons recently when she confronted publicist Anna Rothschild and accused her of tattling about Singer and her ex-husband Mario Singer’s 2014 affair with Kasey Dexter.

While witnesses said Ramona—who divorced Mario last year—“had a meltdown” and “screamed” at Rothschild, saying she was “evil, horrible . . . you broke up my family,” Rothschild calmly replied:

“Your husband was the one who left you and broke up your family.”

Afterwards, i.e. after sobering up, Singer tried to downplay the incident by saying she “merely expressed to her that I felt it was a low blow to ... [release] private information on my then-marriage and family.”

A Singer alcohol-induced meltdown and no Bravo cameras around to capture it? Then maybe it didn’t really happen.

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Lord help us all, but ... Lindsay Lohan is trying to be the new GOOP.

Last week Lohan announced on Instagram and Twitter that she had launched a subscription-based lifestyle site called, wait for it, Lindsay Lohan.

I would’a gone with LOOPY.

But, for just $2.99 a month, you can have access to Lindsay’s life, beauty secrets and lifestyle tips ... like how to apply make-up for a mugshot, how many lawyers to have on speed dial after a bar brawl, how to wangle a better color than orange for a jumpsuit.

I think, though, for $3.99, you might get Lindsay After Dark and already several Russian businessmen are plunking down rubles that for that one,

Just sayin’.

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Media whore Kelly Osbourne marched in NYC’s Pride Parade last week because, media whore, but the big story was that, while marching, Kelly really had to go and so she ducked into a Starbucks to use the bathroom and says the baristas gave her the “The toilet is for customers only” spiel and so Kelly Osbourne pissed herself.

Seriously? Why didn’t she just buy something then? Oh yeah, media whore; if she’d bought something she wouldn’t have peed in her shoes and then traipsed all over social media to complain about how hard her life is, without ever thinking that the Starbucks bathroom is for customers and not the tens of thousands of people marching down NYC’s already urine-soaked streets.

But Starbucks Corporate told their side of the story and essentially pissed on Kelly Osbourne again by saying that particular Starbucks has no bathroom and that customers are “typically directed to a store a few blocks away.”

I guess Kelly just couldn’t make it or else, yeah, media whore.

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The finale of HBO’s Silicon Valley aired this week and marked the final appearance of  T.J. Miller.

Last month it was announced that Miller and producers had “mutually agreed” this season would be his last, but then T.J. started talking and talking and ... maybe it wasn’t so mutual?

Miller says he never spoke to executive producer Alec Berg about his decision to leave because “I don’t like Alec,” and, “I don’t know how smart [Alec] is. He went to Harvard, and we all know those kids are fucking idiots. That Crimson trash.”

Burning bridges. That’ll play well in Hollywood.

Congrats T.J. you’ve officially become the new Sean Young or Katherine Heigl. Good luck squeezing into that cat-suit or hawking kitty litter

Google “Sean Young Catwoman” and “Katherine Heigl Kitty Litter” if you wanna know.

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Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner are their mother’s daughters because they’ll do anything for attention ... like literally stealing images of famous African-American rap artists and putting their own Jenner-branded stink on them.

Seriously; the Kendall + Kylie clothing line has a bunch of vintage-style t-shirts for “bands” and rap artists, like Biggie and Tupac, and then they stamped their own faces on the shirts too, because when you think Biggie or Tupac you also think untalented hacks who’ve become famous because their older sister fucked on camera and their mother sold that video.

But, as soon as the t-shirts went on sale online, everyone was outraged and suddenly the t-shirts were pulled from the online store, and so Kendall took to Twitter to apologize and actually uttered the line:

“These designs were not well thought out.” 

Ya think? Because nothing Jenner or Kardastrophe is ever fully thought out, except for how it might keep their names in the press.

That Woman must be sqeeeeeeeing all over herself.

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Something new has been revealed in the filing of Johnny Depp’s lawsuit against his former managers, The Management Group [TMG].

TMG filed an extensive chronology of their communications with Depp to prove they had informed him of his extensive money issues for years and to prove he has a history of lying publicly and a history of paying people off to lie for him.

The lie in question is that Johnny Depp had full knowledge that his two dogs, Boo and Pistol, were being smuggled into Australia in 2015.

Depp, working on Pirates of the Caribbean 5 at the time, claimed Amber and some staffers “accidentally” smuggled in the dogs, which is against Aussie laws. Heard ended up pleading guilty to a minor charge and paid a fine.

But now TMG says Depp was “fully aware that he was illegally bringing his dogs to Australia, and when confronted [he] heavily pressured one of his long-term employees to ‘take the fall.’”

And so there’s a slight chance Johnny Depp could face perjury charges; Australian Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce:

“If the allegation is correct, there’s a word for that—it is called perjury. We’re an island continent and we take biosecurity very seriously and it doesn’t matter if you think that you’re Mr. Who’s Who of Hollywood, you’re going to obey our laws.”

Now, it’s probably just huffing and puffing by Joyce, but it’d be kinda sweet to see Depp up on perjury charges since he ALLEGEDLY had his then wife, and then employee, take the fall for the Dog Smuggling.

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Again, someone I do not know: Hannibal Buress.

But he’s apparently in the new Spider-Man: Homecoming and recently walked the red carpet at the LA premiere ... or did he?

For whatever reason, the real Hannibal Buress didn’t want to go to the premiere, so he ALLEGEDLY put out an open call on Twitter—which has since been deleted—asking for a look-a-like with “solid comedic timing” to go in his place. He asked all interested candidates to provide pictures, and if chosen, they would receive $500 compensation. And then he chose LA actor and screenwriter Joe Carroll.

Buress best be careful lest Joe Carroll make a better Buress impression and instead of producers asking for Buress, they’ll start asking for a Buress look-a-like.

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