I Didn't Say It ...

Adam Schiff, Democratic congressman on the House Intelligence Committee, on the investigation into the Clinton Foundation:

“It’s not because there is some new evidence that has come to light. It’s because they’re being badgered by the White House to do it. You simply cannot explain it, I think, any other way.”

Wait, so the foundation with the A-ratings is being investigated at the behest of the guy who’s charitable foundation was shut down?

That’s our _____!

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Ellen DeGeneres, on Eric _____’s assertion that she is part of the “Deep State” along with Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton:

“Have you heard of the Deep State, anybody? I hadn’t either. I found out Deep State is supposed to be a group of people they believe are trying to undermine Donald _____. Which is ridiculous because no one has undermined Donald _____ more than Donald _____. I am sorry to disappoint you. I am not part of the Deep State. Even if somebody wanted me to be involved I don’t have that kind of time. I’ve got my gay agenda meetings on Mondays. I’ve got, on Wednesday Beyoncé and I host an Illuminati brunch. And then Portia and I on the weekends are desperately trying to have a baby, so I can’t. I don’t have time.”

I can vouch for Ellen, I see her at the Gay Agenda meetings all the time!

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Sarah Huckleberry Sanders, presidential liar, on anyone who says _____ is mentally unfit:

“Look, I think it’s absolutely insane to think all of these individuals, reporters and others, who suddenly have a medical degree and think that they can diagnose somebody, many times who they’ve never even had a conversation with. It’s absolutely outrageous to make these types of accusations, and it’s simply untrue, and it’s sad that people are going and making these desperate attempts to attack the president. What I think is really mentally unstable is people that don’t see the positive impact that this president is having on the country. The economy is booming, we’re crushing ISIS, day after day things are getting better for Americans all over this country. And I think it’s really sad that these people don’t see that, and that they’re not celebrating and trying to join in the president’s efforts to turn our country around.”

The economy, right now, is thanks to Obama, and I don’t see ISIS being crushed, and I don’t see things getting better every day.

I see hate, vile hate, and racism coming from the top and trickling down to minions like SHS.

I’ll celebrate when the Fat Bastard is out of office and SHS is out of a job and back to asking me if I’d like fries with that.

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Shepard Smith, Fox News most sane pundit, on _____’s announcement that he wants to overhaul the “very unfair” libel laws:

“For clarity, because we’re in the position to report facts here, all of that about libel laws—that was just a word salad of nothingness, because none of that means anything, except ‘look over here’. He couldn’t change the libel laws if he wanted to change the libel laws, he couldn’t change ’em if he got the Congress in there. These are state laws. He’s not a dictator. He’s not a king. He can’t change the libel laws. That’s preposterous.”

He’s a dick, not a dictator, and just a whiny little dick at that.

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Alan Cumming, set to become network television’s first gay lead character in an hour-long drama on CBS’s Instinct, on the _____ administration’s attacks on LGBT people:

“I applaud everyone at CBS for having the courage to put that (Instinct) on, in the climate that might not be the best time to do it. The President is actively condoning—by his silence—violence, and persecution against the LGBT community.”

Silence = Death.

And that’s what we get from this president … for now.

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Linda Harvey, Christian loon, on the need to “re-horrify” Americans about The Gays:

“So many of these groups are predators. I believe that the homosexual clubs in schools are just red flags for predators. I think that they exist there as an audience to continue to fast track kids into the lifestyle, network with adults—I mean, who knows what goes on there. How do we re-horrify people about the sin of homosexuality? People are becoming so comfortable with this, even people on our side. We need to re-horrify them.”

Actually, Linda, you re-horrifying people to your so-called faith, because if faith is used to influence hate against anyone, then your faith is not in God because She would be so pissed at you right now.

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Ryan Murphy, creator of American Horror Story, Glee, American Crime, Scream Queens and the upcoming Pose, on being beaten with a belt by his father when he came out as gay:

“That happened to me. That was my coming-out experience with my father. [Now] I can’t believe my life and can’t believe that things have changed so radically in my lifetime. If you asked me then if I would be allowed to be married and have children like you, I never would have believed it.”

We’ve come a long way, but, as evidenced by some of these other quotes, we know that the march goes on …

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Sebastian Gorka, former _____ senior advisor, seeming to dispute the White House claim that no one talked with Michael Wolff:

“Unless we had a preexisting relationship, I didn’t trust any journalist. And if you came from an outlet that belonged to what President _____ calls #FakeNews, I really wasn’t interested in becoming your friend. To those few persistent journalists from news organs like the Washington Post who wouldn’t give up, I was upfront: Sorry, I don’t do ‘deep background’ and I’m using my phone to record this conversation. As a result, you’d never see Jim Acosta coming out of my office or Maggie Haberman buying me an espresso at Peet’s around the corner from the West Wing.  So, when I met Michael Wolff in Reince Priebus’ office, where he was waiting to talk to Steve Bannon, and after I had been told to also speak to him for his book, my attitude was polite but firm: ‘Thanks but no thanks.’ Our brief encounter reinforced my gut feeling that this oleaginous scribe had no interest in being fair and unbiased.”

And yet Wolff was in the White House with Priebus and Bannon and others so … yeah, his story is true.

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Random Musings

Sometimes it’s hard out there for a Republican …

Last week New Jersey Governor Chris Christie nearly missed his 9:55 Amtrak train from DC to New York and then he didn’t get the seat he wanted on the train and then he ALLEGEDLY had a hissy fit on his phone and then … he got kicked out of the Amtrak quiet car!

Alexander Mann, a commuter on the train tells the tale:

“He got on last minute yelling at his two secret service agents I think because of a seat mixup, sat down and immediately started making phone calls on the quiet car. After about 10 minutes the conductor asked him to stop or go to another car. He got up and walked out again yelling at his secret service. He was drinking a McDonald’s strawberry smoothie.”

I guess he didn’t get the Happy Meal?
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I am a fan of ABC’s Once Upon a Time, because I like it’s twist, and sometimes twisted, take on fairy tales. I also like that they don’t stick to the stereotypes of what a fairytale character should look like.

As in this season’s twist on Camelot, with Guinevere being a Latino woman, and Lancelot being African American.

But it’s Merlin, the white neared old man from the story that interests me now, because he’s played by much younger and far hotter, African American actor Elliot Knight.

That ain’t your Daddy’s Merlin, people.

[1,2,3]

Linda Harvey is a religious wingnut who hates gays and hates Halloween, and possibly really hates the gays on Halloween.

But she says this about the upcoming Trick-or-Treat Fest:

“Halloween celebrates the spirits of darkness like no other event. [Demonic forces] are more active than ever in recent times in America because we are inviting their activity in our lives. So here’s my question about Halloween: ‘Why hand your children to dark spiritual powers on a silver platter?’”

Seriously, I agree with her because everyone knows the Devil is so bad about returning things that you should never serve your children on a silver platter ... use a paper plate instead.
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True story: Norwegians use the word "Texas" as slang to mean crazy. It pops up frequently in everyday conversation, as in the phrase "Der var helt Texas!"

Translation: That’s totally Texas!

It became part of the language when Norwegians started watching cowboy movies and reading Western literature. Its first usage dates back to 1957, when it appeared in a novel by Vegard Vigerust called The Boy in which Vigerust writes about a boy who wanted to buy a village and says “he would make it even more Texas in the village".

Nowadays, the word is widespread all over Norway and most frequently used in the phrase "helt Texas" — 'Completely crazy' — and has appeared in Norwegian newspapers 50 times this year alone.

Funny, because here in America, when we say Texas we often mean ‘crazy,’ too.
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First off, I have an alibi … and the alibi is that this happened in Portland, Oregon and I haven’t been there in years.

But … last week a man broke into a Portland home in the middle of the night and found a couple sleeping in bed so … he stripped naked, climbed in the bed and began kissing the man.

The kiss apparently awoke the Sleeping Beauty and he found the naked burglar straddling him. The victim pushed the suspect off of him and the suspect put his pants back on and fled.

The suspect was arrested and faces charges of burglary and sexual abuse, as well as unlawful use of a weapon.

Again, I was three thousand miles away at the time.

This story is still all over our news. If you haven't heard, I'll break it down ...

A girl at a local high school was on her phone in class when the teacher asked her to get off the phone.

She said, 'No.'

He asked for the phone to be given top him for the rest of the class.

She said, 'No.'

He asked her to leave his class.

She said, 'No.'

The police officer on duty at the school was called into remove he and flipped her, in her desk, onto the floor and dragged her from the room.

The officer, who has had these same issues in the past, has been fired.
But, here's the problem with this ...

While the officer's actions were reckless and ridiculous and violent, what do we do about students in school ... children ... who have zero respect for authority?

What do we do about this rash of police violence against, mostly, African Americans?

What do we do about teachers who are so overworked and underpaid that they have lost control of their classes?

All kinds of questions, no clear answers.

I Didn't Say It ...

Michael Sam, in GQ Magazine, on coming out:

“If I had it my way, I never would have [come out] the way I did, never would have told it the way I did. I would have done the same thing I did at Mizzou. Which was to tell my team and my coaches and leave it at that. But since I did tell my team, word got out.  ... But the recruiters knew, and reporters knew, and they talked to each other, and it got out. If I didn't have the year I did, nobody would have cared. But I did have that year. And a lot of people knew. Someone was gonna ask me, 'I heard you told your team a secret.…' Well, I was comfortable with who I was, and I wouldn't have denied it. And then I wouldn't have been able to control the story. But I have no regrets. Some people can argue that I had the potential to go higher in the draft. But I think everything happens for a reason. It looks good to see me in the position I'm in now, because I can show the world how good I am and rise up the ranks. I'm at the bottom now. I can rise up, show I'm a football player. Not anything else. Just a football player."

As I like to say, he isn't a gay football player, he's a football player who is gay.

Amy Schumer, on Joan Rivers:

"I only met Joan Rivers once, but I carried her with me for as long as I can remember. The first time I heard Joan was in the move Spaceballs. She was brash and hilarious and just hearing the voice coming from that gold robot put this crazy idea in my head: that I could use my voice, too. When I filmed my first standup special in 2007 I had to fight to get a joke past the censors. The joke was, 'I'm at the age where my friends are having kids and the way they tell me that they’re pregnant is by taking us all out to brunch and saying, 'You guys? I'm keeping this one.' And I thought I was pretty edgy for doing such a dark joke in what is still an unforgiving time for women who exercise their right to choose. It wasn't until a year later that I watched a clip of Joan on The Tonight Show and she was doing a joke of a similar nature. She spoke of a friend of hers who'd gotten fourteen appendectomies in Puerto Rico ... I laughed out loud. The truth and the pain and the way she said it cut like a knife. When she performed that joke on television it was the early 70s. Think about that. She stuck her neck out at a dangerous time; she couldn't even say the word abortion on television. Now, I’m not going to say how big of balls she had to say that joke on the air, because she has taught us time and time again that having balls has nothing to do with it ...Joan was the bravest of all.  Joan always got blasted for being mean, but she had the guts to make fun of herself more than anybody. ... I loved a lot of funny women ... Gilda, Carol Burnett, and Lucy, too, but I spoke up in class ... because of that first voice I heard coming from that golden robot. She wasn't just a woman or a person. She was a comic, and wanted to be treated as such. I'm sure this speech would annoy her. She didn't want to be given credit for aspiring women. She wanted to be known as a great comedian. And, she was." 

Yes, she was. I like to consider myself a little like Joan because I say what’s on my mind, and I will make that joke that some might think inappropriate. But it’s my mind, my mouth, my joke.

Thank Joan for that.

LeAnn Rimes comparing herself to her stepson:

“I was super-driven as a kid. Even though I was on the road a lot, the teachers would give me homework and I would get it all done. I look at my 11-year-old stepson Mason, and I’m like, ‘I signed a record deal when I was your age. You’re still fumbling with tying your shoelaces.’”

And y’all thought Cinderella have a Wicked Stepmother.

By the way, there are no known photos of LeAnn tying her own shoes because they don't make lace-ups for cloven hooves.

Linda Harvey, “ex-gay” wingnut, on a Christmas gift for your favorite teen or college student struggling with their sexuality:

“If you were wondering what to get your teen or college student for Christmas, how about giving them the gift of common sense and morality? This is the way many people have described my book, Maybe He’s Not Gay: Another View On Homosexuality. Same-sex relationships are not what anyone was born for yet there are reasons why people get there and even more reasons why they can leave those feelings behind.”

Linda? Honey? Nutjob? By the time your youngsters get to be teens or college students they know they’re gay, they’ve probably had some gay experiences, and your little Hate Book won’t change that.

Maybe you should take a seat now.

Robbie Rogers, openly gay soccer star, on being a role model:

"I realized that just by playing and being on the soccer field, that's a symbol right there, and that can encourage and give people hope. It was really those kids inspiring me that was kind of like my final decision — I need to sack up, I need to go back into soccer.'" 

The very kids for whom he is a role model, were role models to him for returning to soccer after coming out.

That’s progress.

I Didn't Say It ...

Jennifer Hudson, on how she feels about The Gays supporting her career:

"What I've always admired about the gay community is the independence and the confidence. Just that attitude. I'm so inspired by that, and I feel like, for me, that is my connection. I've never understood, gosh, what does the gay community see in me? You know what I mean? Because again, I grew up around a lot of that and that's the world that embraced me first, so that I've never fully gathered ... because that's where I started. I was just literally looking at old pictures a few minutes ago, and I saw a picture of me performing in a gay club and a picture of being dressed. Drag queens used to dress me, and then I would go and perform. That's where I started, so there's definitely a connection there. I wanted to make sure that I reconnected."

JHud. Love.Her.

Linda Harvey, on the National Organization for Marriage's ongoing boycott of Target over its support for LGBT equality:

“Have you noticed how this is how headlines often read these days? They talk about laws on natural marriage as being ‘bans’ on same-sex so-called marriage. And that’s incorrect because people who are male can still marry people who are female. The only obstacle for a few people is the presence of unnatural desires. Those desires can change with a different mind and heart.”

Oh, that's funny, gay people can marry as long as they marry the opposite sex!
Um, then we wouldn't be in a same-sex marriage you neanderthal.

Miley Cyrus, on social media: 

"You know what hurts your brain? Googling yourself. You know what hurts your brain? Instagram. You know what hurts your brain? Reading comments on Facebook. You know what hurts your brain? Reading US Weekly.”

This is the height of country bumpkin hilarity coming from the media whore herself. I mean, did she think anyone would forget how she Instagrams every single aspect of her life, including her hospitalization last year for, ahem, "exhaustion"?
Sit down, hillbilly, and think on that fer a spell.

T.I., on the accusations that Iggy Azalea is a racist:

“That p-sses me off. Simply because they don’t have any real substantial grounds. ‘I don’t like them.’ Why? ‘Just ’cause.’ What you mean just ’cause? Since when do you get the right to judge people? Who died and made you the emperor of Egypt? That kind of sh-t and then the things that they accuse her of, like the racist stuff. That’s not even her. That’s not even in her. Me knowing her, knowing where she comes from–for real, the whole racist thing, that’s American–we forget, she’s not American. So the whole Black, white, color divided thing, it isn’t a part of her DNA like it is here in America.”

Wow. So racism is a strictly American thing, huh?

I guess you should tell that to the Muslims and the Black folks and the Indians in other parts of the world, including Izzy';s home country.

T.I.? Take a seat next to Miley and put that dunce cap on your head.

Grover Norquist, on attending Burning Man: 

"A community that comes together with a minimum of 'rules' demands self-reliance – that everyone clean up after themselves and help thy neighbor. Some day, I want to live 52 weeks a year in a state or city that acts like this. I want to attend a national political convention that advocates the wisdom of Burning Man."

And yet hes' a 'Bagger who sticks his nose into same-sex marriage and women's vaginas all the time; and when was the last time you saw a Republican help a poor person, or an immigrant, or a lesbian or gay man?
There's room on the bench with Miley and T.I.

I Didn't Say It ....

Linda Harvey, "Christian" wingnut, on homosexuality being changeable:

"Why should the equal protection argument be made in favor of homosexual behavior, which is changeable?  People are not naturally homosexual, so the definition of 'person' in the Fourteenth Amendment is being twisted to make this assumption. 'Person' should be understood based on historic, beneficial, or at least neutral and fact-based traits; it should not be twisted to incorporate behavior that most religions and most cultures have said a firm 'no' to. It's also behavior for which there's no recognized science demonstrating a genetic or hormonal origin.  And it's also not beneficial and does not stand the definition of marriage, used for millenia - that is, the act of consummation. It's another sad fact of homosexual behavior that two men or two women can never consummate a marriage; they can never conceive children together. This should still have some standing and it remains a fact that there are only two types of human in the world: male and female.  Any other distinctions made are appearance, custom, and construction.  So marriage is the lawful, orderly confirmation of what we already see in nature. The Supreme Court says they will give their decision in June.  Pray, friends, for truth to prevail."

Actually, Linda, gay men and women can consummate their relationships, though maybe it's different from how you consummate yours. Consummate doesn’t mean procreate.

Marriage is a union of consenting adults.

Deal with it.

And get a new hairstyle, it's not 1952 anymore.

Nancy Pelosi, on John Boehner and the GOP secretly padding money away to defend DOMA: 

“Here they go again. It’s bad enough that Speaker Boehner and House Republicans are wasting taxpayer dollars to defend the indefensible Defense of Marriage Act--and losing in every case. Now, they have reached a new low--signing a secret contract to spend more public money on their legal boondoggle without informing Democrats. Their actions are simply unconscionable; their decisions are utterly irresponsible....Hiding this contract from voters in the midst of an election season was a cynical move at best, and a betrayal of the public trust at worst. With Americans focused on the creation of jobs and the growth of our economy, Republicans should not be spending $2 million to defend discrimination in our country. We should be embracing our tradition of equality, advancing our promise of opportunity, and securing justice and equal rights for every American....With DOMA now before the Supreme Court, there is no end in sight for the Republican legal effort. It’s time for the Speaker and his Republican colleagues to come clean about their plans. Until then, we look forward to the day when DOMA is discarded by the highest court in the land and when all of America’s families can know the blessings of equal protection under the law.”

Further proof, even though we don't need it, that the GOP isn't concerned about jobs, unemployed Americans, the economy, the environment; it’s more worried about keeping its nose in other people’s business.

They want to stop The Gays from achieving equality.

Same GOP, different day.

James Dobson, of the Focus on Family hate group, blaming the declining numbers of religious followers for the mass murder in Newtown:

"We have turned our back on God. I mean millions of people have decided that God doesn't exist, or he's irrelevant to me and we have killed fifty-four million babies and the institution of marriage is right on the verge of a complete redefinition.  Believe me, that is going to have consequences too. And a lot of these things are happening around us, and somebody is going to get mad at me for saying what I am about to say right now, but I am going to give you my honest opinion: I think we have turned our back on the Scripture and on God Almighty and I think he has allowed judgment to fall upon us. I think that's what's going on."

And so he wonders why people might choose to believe God doesn’t exist?

Well, if God gets so mad at folks for questioning his, or her, existence, that he or she allows children to be murdered in school, then he or she ain't much of a God.

Matt Damon, on voting for Obama again after being critical of Obama’s first term:

“Definitely. I assume there will be some Supreme Court appointments in this next term; that alone was reason to vote for him. I don’t think I said anything a lot of people weren’t thinking. It’s easier now more than ever in my life to feel the fix is in, the game is rigged and no matter how hard you work to change things, it just doesn’t matter.”

Look, even when you are critical of a candidate, it doesn't mean you'll switch parties.

It means you have questions, and sometimes your candidate is giving the answers you want to hear.

That's the whole idea behind voting and candidates and elections.

Listen. And ask questions.

Pat McEwen, "pastor", on the Newtown murders being revenge from God for taking Him/her out of the public schools:

"Watching the Memorial service for the twenty-six precious lives taken from us was painful to say the least, but it was far more painful to the God who made America great. Newtown cancelled Christmas so it could properly mourn. How foolish, yet typical of governmental strategy to replace God. The 'Interfaith' service was an affront to Almighty God. Those claiming to be His priests barely mentioned His Name --Jesus! After all, He is the only God there is! What happened? We violently removed the fear of Almighty God from the hearts of our children. We expelled God from school and banished Him from the schoolyard. He was replaced with metal detectors, condoms, policemen, anti-bullying policies, No-gun zones, and violence of unprecedented order. Our strategy has replaced God's Truth. We are losing our kids because we are ignoring God's Law."

He's angry that a town cancelled celebrations of Christmas in order to mourn for dead children and teachers? This is called being a Christian?

He's angry that the church services included all faiths? This is called acceptance?

He's somehow saying, like other asshats, that if you ignore God he'll kill children? This is faith?

Then he can have it.

Matt Damon, again, on nudity and playing Liberace’s lover: 

“Well, normally I’d say no to nudity, but I just did a lot of it playing the long-term partner of Liberace, Scott Thorson, in Behind the Candelabra. I mean, it’s tastefully done. Steven Soderbergh directed it, and Michael Douglas plays Liberace. But this movie’s not going to be for everyone. These two men were deeply in love and in a real relationship—a marriage—long before there was gay marriage. That’s not an insignificant thing. The script is beautiful and relatable. Their conversations when they’re dressing or undressing or having a spat or getting ready for bed? That’s every marriage. It feels like you’re witnessing something really intimate you would normally see with a man and a woman, but instead it’s two men, which was thrilling. There’s stuff I think will make people uncomfortable. Great. It’s HBO—they can change the channel."

Well said.

People are people, gay and straight, and, when it comes right down to it, we're all very much alike in our relationships.

Except for the gender thingy.

Joe Lieberman, in the final days of his 24-year career in politics, saying he's changed his mind about term limits:

“My position on this has changed, I’ve always felt that there are term limits for senators — it’s six years and it’s up to voters to decide whether they want somebody to go on, and you need some people around here with some experience. [But now] I’m beginning to feel now that the place needs to change more often. I think the place might be healthier and less partisan and more rigid if it turned over more often.” 

Of course he waits until he's done before he advocates term limits.

Typical bull-sh*t from a career politician.

Matt Damon, again, on gay sex scenes:

“We both have a lot of gay friends, and we were not going to screw this up or bulls–t it. It wasn’t the most natural thing in the world to do, though. Like, for one scene, I had to come out of a pool, go over to Michael, straddle him on a chaise longue and start kissing him. And throughout the script, it’s not like I kiss him just once. We drew it up like a football plan… I remember asking Heath Ledger after Brokeback Mountain, “How’d you do that scene with Jake?”—meaning the scene where they start ferociously kissing. He said, “Well, mate, I drank a half case of beer in my trailer.” I started laughing, and he goes, “No, I’m serious. I needed to just go for it. If you can’t do that, you’re not making the movie. Michael was a wonderful kisser. My concerns ended up mattering a lot less once we were filming."

I've never understood how the press always wants to know how difficult it is to do a same-sex kissing scene, but they have no questions about playing murderers and rapists and adulterers.

Noah Syndergaard, New York Mets pitcher, on his anti-gay Tweet:

“I had a little mishap on Twitter about a month ago, and it was just brought to my attention this morning. I’d just like to apologize for anything that was said. A buddy and I were having a little conversation. I had a poor attempt at humor and an even worse attempt at using a term I shouldn’t have used. I hope I didn’t offend anybody. I’m really sorry my first introduction to being a New York Met had to be like this."

First off, it wasn’t a mishap, unless you don’t know how to spell. You said the word ‘fag’ and meant to say the word ‘fag’.

It isn’t humorous.

Matt Damon, again, on gay rumors and supporting the gay community:

“I never denied those rumors because I was offended and didn’t want to offend my friends who were gay—as if being gay were some kind of f–king disease. It put me in a weird position in that sense. The whole thing was just gross. But look, there have been great signs of progress—the fact that Anderson Cooper and Ellen DeGeneres can come out so beautifully and powerfully, and it’s a big f–king deal that it turns out nobody gives a s–t. If Liberace were alive today, everybody would love his music and nobody would care what he did in his private life. Like with Elton John.”

I.Love.Matt.Damon.