Why Is It ...

… that when I accidentally cut off a guy on the highway he pulled alongside me and shrieked out the window, “I am gonna make your life a living hell,” and all I could think of to say was, “Thanks but I’m not looking for a relationship right now.”

… that the older I get … No.

… that people hope to die gracefully when you can age like a fine old cheese … full of character and slightly offensive.

… that when people say their life is a walk in the park, I say, ‘Mine, too … Jurassic Park.’

… that I talk a lot of shit for someone who cannot function if the toe seam on my sock is in the wrong place.

… that sometimes people come into your life … and they need to stop doing that.

… that nothing brings neighbors together like a slew of police cars in front of another neighbor’s house that no one likes.

… that people forget that I used to be crazy but have recently upgraded to Premium Chaos.

… that when someone asks what my dream job is I always say I would like to simply not participate in society.

… that if I’m ever on life support, unplug me, and then plug me back in to see if that works.

Meme Dump

Why Is It ...

… that everyone needs to know that you don’t come to my house unannounced because I will just stare at you from my window.

… that when it’s nearly midnight and I remember that the sheets and duvet cover are still in the dryer, I think it’d be easier just to book a hotel for the night?

… that no one wants to rehome me. I mean, I’m tired of adulting and I’m housebroken, so what’s the issue?

… that I can be social for like three minutes but then I don’t wanna talk to anyone for four days?

… that people who tell me that I need to relax don’t know that the best I can do is dissociate?

… that my favorite colors are Black. Dark Black. Pitch Black. Pastel Black, Light Black. And Faded Black. Is it because they match my mood?

… that people often mistake me for an adult? Is it because of my age?

Such A Conundrum ...

I cannot decide which is hotter, the guy, or the shirt. Oh, who am I kidding ... it's the shirt.

Living In The Epicenter

It’s quiet here in Camden today.

We are being called the “epicenter” of the virus in South Carolina, though there are a little more than a handful of presumptive or confirmed cases of Coronavirus. We are also home to the world’s largest steeplechase event, a party that brings nearly 100,000 to our town of 7,000, but that event has been cancelled.

That’s devastating to our economy; that’s devastating to all the people planning on working the event and now being told they are not.

Schools will close this week—USC closed last week—but most businesses in town are open, even some of the restaurants, though I wonder how they’ll do in the long run. There was even discussion of closing churches yesterday … no church in South Carolina? That’s insane! 

Luckily that other church in the state, the liquor store, is still open.

There are some eight cases here in Camden, and that isn’t bad for a town of 7.000. I remind Carlos of that because he gets a little worried. I remind him that 8 or 9 cases in a town of 7,000 isn't a great risk. Still, we are an old money town, and there are a great many people in Camden in their 70s,80s, 90s and beyond here, so that may explain the “epicenter” tag.

We stayed home most of the weekend—I took a three-day weekend—though we ran errands Saturday; our local grocer was stocked up with just about everything, the only bare or nearly bare shelves were the cleaners and soaps and hand sanitizers. We did a Lowe’s run, got cat and dog food, litter, picked up some sheet music for Carlos, and then came home and hunkered down for a couple of days. I binge-watched the second season of Westworld and Carlos practiced his trumpet.

Luckily, Carlos, though he’s on disability and does not work, can do translations from home; I don’t know about my job. I will go in today and we’ll play it by ear if we work from home or don’t work at all. I'd be fine with staying home and working, or not, from here.

I may like a little staycation as long as it isn’t too long.

I read this and it sounds kinda desolate, and it shouldn’t be, and it isn't; we are cautious, not scared. We know this may go on longer than we’d like, but we’ll be okay. I just worry about those people who won’t be …

I’m’a go and get a cat hug from Tuxedo. I'd hug Carlos but we're social distancing today.

You Can't Fix Stupid Ignorant

Yesterday the door opened at work and a woman peered inside …

“Can I come in?”

I moved closer…

“What can I do for you?”

“Can I come in?”

“Yes, ma’am. What can I do for you?”

“Is anyone sick in here?”

Oh for the love of the Baby Jeebus …Now, to be fair, we do have four suspected cases of Coronavirus in Smallville, but there's no need for histrionics ...

“Ma’am, if we’re sick, we usually take the day off or work from home. What can I do for you?”

“I don’t want to come in if anyone inside has that … that, the … you know?”

The ‘You Know’. She couldn’t even bring herself to say it, like it was some kind of virus Candyman and if you say it three times you’re infected.

“Ma’am. We’re fine in here, We're smart. We wash our hands and we cover our mouths when we cough or sneeze and we stay home when we’re sick.”

“I’ll come back when this is over.” 

And she took the door handle and close the door. I so wanted to shout …

“You know how many people have touched that door handle today?”

But I thought it might kill her.