Snarky Thoughts

For those who remember Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth‘s short-lived marriage you might remember that it never should have happened, other than to give Miley a reason to remind Liam how ALLEGEDLY terrible he was to her in her song Flowers. Still, Miley now says she appreciates the little time they spent together thirteen years ago and admits she would never want to erase any of her former relationships because they made her the woman that she is.

My Thought: And she’s able to capitalize on all her failed relationships years after they end by turning her thirst into tunes.

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Last week, Tori Spelling confessed to her Instagram followers that she and her family have been in a “continual spiral of sickness for months” after being exposed to toxic mold in her rental home. Tori, because she lives her life on social media, posted photos of herself and her five kids at Urgent Care along with a lengthy passage explaining she finally uncovered the problem after an inspection “discovered extreme mold” and that her family “needs help.” 

My Thought: Maybe if you paid your credit card bills you could have afforded to move out of Mold Manor or, at the very least,. Had the situation remediated. Lesson to learn, kids, pay your damn credit card bills.

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Kim Kardastrophe has revealed that even though she’s only passed the “baby bar”—a nickname given to California's First-Year Law Student's Examination, which is not a prerequisite for admission to the Bar—that she plans to take the Big Girl Bar in 2025 and might even give up reality TV and her fake Instagram pictures and photoshopped paparazzi shots permanently.

My Thought: Can someone take the test for her to make sure she passes and then have her sign a legally binding letter promising to stay out of the spotlight and off social media forever?

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Speaking of Thirst Queens who love turning their so-called pain into musical coins, let’s dish for a brief moment on the break-up of Taylor’s six-year relationship with British actor Joe Alwyn. He ALLEGEDLY “feels slighted and is distraught” since the love affair ended and not so much because he misses Swifty, but because it took her about three weeks to find her new love, 1975 frontman Matty Healy.

My Thought: Fret not, Joe, because I imagine in a year or so, or maybe even sooner, you can sing and dance to Swifty’s version of the breakup.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I like actress Laura Dern; I do. But does anyone other than actress Laura Dern really think she’s having a thing with Bradley Cooper because she’s the only one talking about it.

It seems that Dern and My-Husband-In-My-Head Bradley Cooper—not to be confused with My-Husband-In-My-Head Anderson Cooper—were spotted having lunch together in June and Dern comes out in late September to say there’s nothing to it, they’re just friends …blah blah blah.

No need to explain, Laura, we already guessed that.

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On the heels of the Miley Cyrus-Liam Hemsworth breakup comes the news that Lindsay Lohan is somehow involved. I mean, only in her own utterly empty head, but still, she is talking about it.

As the lovebirds announced they were finished, Lohan took to Instagram to lament that none of the brothers Hemsworth ever vied for her attention.

Note to Lindsay: men don’t “vie” for your attention; they call your pimp, give over a credit card number, and then send a car for you.

Okurrrrrr?

PS I don’t think a Hemsworth would ever want to wade in the STD pond that is Lindsay Lohan.

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I used to find actor Tom Hiddleston absolutely delicious, but then he hooked up with Taylor Swift and I suddenly realized he was an empty-headed famewhore.

But that’s just me; apparently one woman who paid to see Hiddleston in Broadway’s Betrayal, was so overcome with lust for Hiddleston that she up, well, as Erika Jayne once famously screeched, “patted the puss” right there in the theater.

Twice! And when the show was over this Diddling Donna ALLEGEDLY applauded like a wild woman causing one theatergoer to post about the show:

“The show was really wonderful and the cast first-rate. But you might want to avoid seat B-3.”

Note taken.

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Wendy Williams, who has had one Hell of a year between denying about her husband cheating, admitting her husband was cheating, denying about her husband having a child with his mistress, admitting her husband had a child with his mistress, denying she was divorcing her husband, admitting she was divorcing her husband, denying she was having a substance abuse relapse, admitting she was living in a  sober house because she had a substance abuse relapse, is now pointing out other liars.

Pot.Kettle.Black. And while the chance that all this messiness would cause Williams to lose her show, it was renewed and she’s back, spilling the tea, stirring the pot and tossing the shade … at Christie Brinkley. Williams claims that Christie, who was set to appear on this season’s Dancing With The Has-Beens until she fell and “broke” her wrist in a fall, is faking the whole thing to get her daughter, Sailor Brinkley-Cook, a shot at some publicity:

“Well, that looked fake as hell … Let me tell you what I see. I don’t see a wrist and a shoulder being fractured. But that was real cute. Here’s my thought: Dancing with the Stars called Christie Brinkley … and she said yes. After she got off the phone, that’s when she plotted her schedule. … knowing that she’d put her daughter Sailor in there.”

Wendy? Hon? Why don’t you try telling the truth about yourself, before demanding the same of others? Plus, you know, you made Christie Brinkley cry and sob and weep … over Wendy Williams gossip.

Girl please. You both need to take a seat.

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Back in 2017 Kevin Hart revealed to the world that he was a cheating dirtbag. Now, he didn’t reveal this truth because his conscience was bothering, but because his jump-off apparently had video of Little Kevin and Littler Kevin.

Now his mistress, Montia Sabbag, claimed at the time she had no involvement in the “film”—though a film of Montia doing the nasty with her neighbor wouldn’t sell as much as Montia doing Little Kevin—now she is claiming that Kevin himself is one of the orchestrators of this sex tape scandal.

And so, she’s suing him for $60 million.

And she may have a case because one of Hart’s best friends, one JT Jackson, was arrested for extortion and charged because of this hidden camera sex tape, and Montia thinks Kevin was in on it because he had a tour coming up and the idea of people seeing Montia and Kevin do the deed in grainy video footage would help ticket sales. Seriously.

Even if it still begs the question: who is Montia Sabbag and why would anyone want to watch her have sex with anyone … including Kevin Hart?

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Remember when Jose Canseco claimed in his 2008 autobiography Vindicated that Madonna had ALLEGEDLY wanted him to be her sperm donor?

First off, Jose Canseco? Ick.

Well, now, another dreamboat from Madge’s past is saying he was be her Baby Daddy—in Sperm only—and he is none other than … Dennis Rodman. But while Jose seemed to be in it just because he could nail Madonna, Rodman says Madge offered up significant coins for his junk. Rodman is ALLEGING that Madonna called him up, out of the blue, announced she was ovulating, and said:

“Dennis, you know that I’m ovulating.”

And then he says she sent a private jet to pick him up in Las Vegas, and bring him back to her New York City manse where, before they did the deed, she said if she got pregnant, she’d pay him $20 million.

So, they banged, cleaned up, and he was back on the plane to Vegas. And we all know that Madonna didn’t get pregnant with Rodman’s baby, so he never got that 20 mil. But he does have that story to tell, and another one …

Rodman has also ALLEGED Madge made a similar deal with Carlos Leon—who fathered her daughter Lourdes—though he has no facts, just his flapping lips. But he has a book to sell, so …

Still, it begs the question, if you sleep with Rodman for $20,000,000, where are you gonna get the coins for your follow-up treatments.

STDs ain’t cheap, y’all.

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Would You Hit It ... Which Hemsworth Would You Hit?

Our newest contestants, brothers in hotness. So, you can only have one ... Which Hemsworth do you choose?

Liam, up top there, or Chris?

Remember, just one ....