The Funny Papers

Marc Murphy, Max Espinosa, Tim Campbell, Nick Anderson, Pedro X Molina, Bill Bramhall, Darrin Bell, Gary Huck, Mike Luckovich, Matt Wuerker, Joe Heller, Clay Bennett, Dave Whamond,

The Funny Papers

"I just got let go from the Halifax Chronicle Herald after almost 30 years. I sent this in and got the call. My last cartoon, I think, in the Chronicle Herald. It's not published yet."--Michael de Adder

Clay Bennett, Nick Anderson, Lalo Alcaraz, Winters Art, Rick McKee, Ann Telnaes, Gary Huck, Chris Britt, Jack Ohman, Tim Campbell, Max Espinoza, Marc Murphy, Pedro X Molina, Michael de Adder,

Tuesday Thought #3

People Dead ... Houses Lost ... _____Threatens California As It Burns

First off, thanks to all of you for your kind words and good wishes—not thoughts and prayers, thankfully—for my brother and sister-in-law who lost their house in the Paradise fire. On a Sidenote to that story, after my brother and his wife were reunited—she evacuated before he did—they went out to grab a bite to eat, and, in a freak accident, my brother fell and broke his hip and was rushed into surgery to have a pin put in his hip and leg.

Seriously; I told them enough was enough. And he's doing fine, and they are doing well, and really, for all they've been through, have a positive attitude.

But this isn’t about them—they need a break—this is about that pile of excrement sitting in the White House and how he, as the so-called leader of our country responded to the devastating fires in California.

While he flew to Paris to pay homage to our war dead—and skipped that event because it was raining and that dead muskrat on his head looks worse when wet—he chose, instead of offering solace, or even federal aid, to actually threaten the state of California as it deals with deadly wildfires by Tweeting:

“There is no reason for these massive, deadly and costly forest fires in California except that forest management is so poor. Billions of dollars are given each year, with so many lives lost, all because of gross mismanagement of the forests. Remedy now, or no more Fed payments!”

To be fair, somewhat, the Fat Bastard approved an emergency declaration for the state last Friday, and yet at the same time warned the state that he may not do the same in the future. 

California Governor Jerry Brown fired back, calling _____ "inane and uninformed"—putting it mildly:

“Our focus is on the Californians impacted by these fires and the first responders and firefighters working around the clock to save lives and property — not on the president’s inane and uninformed tweets.”

At least 25 people died in those fires, with many others homeless, businesses lost; the entire town of Paradise, where my brother lived, is virtually wiped off the map, but that pile of … _____ plays a blame game and threatens to withhold aid.

Naturally, fire officials have labeled _____’s statements, and remedies, were incorrect, though, truthfully, they’re lies from an uniformed jackass.

California Professional Firefighters President Brian K. Rice:

"The president’s assertion that California’s forest management policies are to blame for catastrophic wildfire is dangerously wrong. Wildfires are sparked and spread not only in forested areas but in populated areas and open fields fueled by parched vegetation, high winds, low humidity and geography. Moreover, nearly 60 percent of California forests are under federal management, and another two-thirds under private control. It is the federal government that has chosen to divert resources away from forest management, not California."

Yes, it was under this president, this ill-informed, unqualified, unhinged, narcissistic, racist fuck monkey that money that could have been spent to maintain forest, to protect them from fires, was taken away, so it clearly isn’t California, it’s ____. He’s pissed because he didn’t win California in the election and so he’ll punish the entire state.

Still, to be fair, again, on Saturday, sitting in a Paris hotel, afraid to go out in the rain, _____ changed course and Tweeted support for the firefighters, the homeowners and the victims:

“More than 4,000 are fighting the Camp and Woolsey Fires in California that have burned over 170,000 acres. Our hearts are with those fighting the fires, the 52,000 who have evacuated, and the families of the 11 who have died. The destruction is catastrophic. God Bless them all.”

And then, after having his snack of Bic Macs and pommes frites and having Melanie change his diaper, the Fat Bastard Tweeted about mismanagement again:

"With proper Forest Management, we can stop the devastation constantly going on in California. Get Smart!"

Get smart, from the biggest dumbass on the planet. As my father said, ever so eloquently, when he read of _____’s idiotic statement:

“He can fuck off.”

And now you know where I get that from.

ABC News

God and Mother Nature Have a Sense Of Irony

Some folks say ‘Karma is a bitch’; I like to think that sometimes Karma is a hoot and a half.

Let’s go back a moment …

In 2010, Tony Perkins, the Head Bigot-and-Homophobe of the Family Research Council, once praised Uganda’s Kill The Gays Bill, calling it an effort to “uphold moral conduct that protects others and in particular the most vulnerable.”

He also blamed the Boston marathon bombing on "sexual liberalism" in Massachusetts.

And last year when “Christian prophet” Jonathan Cahn was a guest on Perkin’s radio show and claimed that Hurricane Joaquin was a sign of God’s wrath for the legalization of same-sex marriage, Tony Perkins agreed, saying that while “those on the left like to mock these things,” many throughout history know “God is trying to send us a message” through natural disasters.

You don’t say, Tony. Then, please to explain how a massive flood destroyed your own home this past week in Southern Louisiana.

What was God saying, Tony?

Well, Tony, who called into his own radio show to describe the floods as being of “biblical proportions” and said that he and his family will have to live in a camper — actually a luxury RV — for 6 months until the damage is repaired, wants y’all to know that this flood wasn’t because of the gays, but rather an “incredible, encouraging spiritual exercise to take you to the next level in your walk with an almighty and gracious God who does all things well.”

Uh huh.

I like to think it was God looking down on Tony Perkins and his ilk and saying,

“Have a seat, Tony. You should be quiet now.”

DeadState

NCRM

Here Are Two GOP Presidential Hopefuls

Look, I know a Donald [t]Rump presidency would be a travesty, and I know a Ted Cruz presidency would be a giant lying flop, but what about a Marco Rubio or a Chris Christie? In the wake of last weeks’ nasty weather in the Northeast, where at least twenty-seven Americans died and the toll on the economy might well be into the billions, this is what these two asshats had to say …

While avoiding the Senate so he could campaign in New Hampshire yesterday GOP Asshat and Hypocrite Marco Rubio tried some funny when he made a joke about that deadly storm:

“In Washington right now they are being buried in this snow blizzard, which means that federal agencies were not able to work all day at issuing new regulations. Apparently Barack Obama’s executive order pen has frozen. Come to think of it, that’s probably one of the best things to happen to the republic in a while.”

People are dead’; people are without power; businesses are shuttered. He makes a funny.

Even fellow GOP Asshat and Man Who Never Pushed Back Early From A Dinner Table, Chris Christie called Rubio’s remarks immature, but, perhaps that before this happened:

While also in New Hampshire campaigning for the highest office in the land, where he would, ALLEGEDLY, represent all Americans, Chris Christie was more than annoyed when a student asked him why he was campaigning when he should have been back in New Jersey during the crisis. Christie replied:

"Do you want me to go down there with a mop? … All of the water had receded back, so for your friends and family, who are concerned about why I’m not there, I just wonder what it is they think I’d be doing today. You know, I’m the governor, not the chief engineer."

Severe flooding has once again devastated sections of the Jersey Shore with Cape May experiencing a record storm surge of more than 9 feet.

At the end of his response, Christie asked the student to give him the names and numbers of her friends who are concerned about the cleanup process in New Jersey and promised to call them personally tonight.

Uh huh. Then he said his lieutenant governor was in Cape May County and that the government is working to assess damage and assist business owners in applying for loans and grants.

Is it just the GOP that reacts to these kinds of horrible situations like this, because I’m thinking back on how George W. Bush, in the days after Katrina devastated New Orleans, was in California getting some kind of award, and then had Air Force One fly over Louisiana on the way back to D.C.

This is how Republicans handle crisis: they joke, or they ignore it.

Marco Rubio

Chris Christie

The Funny Papers