Why Is It ...

… that when I think of Maddie, I always think, ‘Let the fun begin’ … wait, that’s not right. Oh, yeah, I think, ‘Let the fun be gin.’

… that people never learn that, before they try to hurt my feelings, take into consideration that I don’t have any and they probably do.

… that nothing brings out my inner sarcasm like being asked stupid questions at work.

… that people always ask why I post so many memes; short answer: I don’t have the body for an OnlyFans. Next question, please.

… that I often wonder if clouds look down on people and think, ‘That one is shaped like an idiot.’

… that people should remember that if I ever win the lottery, nobody around me will be poor and I mean that. Right after cashing that check I will be moving to a rich neighborhood.

… that it’s a 5 minute walk to the bar but a 45 minute walk home … the difference is staggering.

… that no one realizes how much I hate when they ring my doorbell because then I have to drop to the floor, lay there in silence and pretend I’m not home.

… that seeing people walk out of my life is really painful because I want to see them run.

Bobservations

Carlos uses something called Voice Over on his phone to read his texts and to also read emails and websites on the phone to him. The other day he got a text and his phone told him; Carlos asked to have the text read and it was, and then Voice Over told him he had one unread text from Bob and asked if Carlos wanted it read.

“No.”

I was sitting in the room and told him it was a text I’d sent a few days earlier when I was on my way to pick him up from somewhere and he called to tell me he’d arranged a ride home. As I was on my way, I texted back:

“I’m almost there.”

And so I picked him up and drove him home. The following week we were having some plumbing work done in the house and I texted:

“How are the repairs going?”

He replied:

“This early?”

“What does that mean? Is Craig still working on the plumbing?”

“Yes, but he went to Lowes to get a part.”

“Okay.”

Cut to a few hours later and Carlos texts me:

“I thought you were coming home?”

“No. I’m here until four, and then I’m coming home.”

“You told me you were coming home.”

It took me a minute to realize that since Carlos hadn’t asked Voice Over to read him my texts from a few days earlier, the one I sent on Saturday wasn’t read until Monday and he thought it was a new text saying:

“I’m almost there.”

We went round and round on when that text was sent and when it was read.  Technology is a good thing … if you use it.

This Tuxedo Memory is from March 2015and is entitled “It's A Thin Line Between Utter Boredom and Sheer Joy” because … look at that face!

Oy, I miss that face.

When they presented the acting awards at last weekend’s Oscar’s they brought out five past winners in each category to introduce this year’s nominees. When it was time to present Best Actor, one of the former winners was Matthew McConaughey who looked a little too much like a beloved comic character, Fire Marshall Bill.

Someone needs to lay off the spray tan, stay out of the tanning bed, and ease up on the teeth whitening.

Alright? Alright? Alright!

Someone needs to hold her down because when Maddie sees this all Hell will break loose:

Crocs. Not just for your feet anymore.

A new word has joined our lexicon in light of the so-called Christians trying to use their faith to lead this country, and that word is:

Evangenitals; noun

evan-gen-i-tals: fundamentalist Christians who are constantly interested in what’s in someone else’s pants.

Use it proudly.

John Cena was a nice semi-nude welcome to the Oscars this past Sunday, and that meme put it perfectly; but then I found this photo of what Cena was hiding behind the Oscar envelope:

No wonder he needed a big envelope!

Madonna once again put her foot in her mouth, this time during a concert in California when, from the stage, she called out a concertgoer for sitting down:

“What are you doing sitting down over there? What are you getting [by] sitting down?”

It took a moment before Madge’s ego stepped aside and she could see that the seated concertgoer was, ahem, in a wheelchair. And once she realized her error she attempted to apologize:

“Oh, OK. Politically incorrect. Sorry about that. I'm glad you are here.”

Not politically incorrect, but kinda rude, because there is no law that says concertgoers must stand during a Madge performance.

This past Monday afternoon one of the most influential LGBTQ+, HIV/AIDS activists and political strategists in our community passed away.

David Mixner, 77, was a longtime formidable presence in both Democratic progressive political circles and within his beloved LGBTQ+ community.

RIP David and thanks for fighting with us and for us.

This is British actor and model Danny Griffin, but it’s not about any of that; it’s just Would You Hit It?

Words and Musics: An Award From Mistress Maddie

So … Mistress Maddie, over there to A Day With The MistressBorghese, has seen fit to honor me with an award. It seems I am the “Queen of the Blogiverse”! I am the “Master Of The Internet”! I am the “Most Important Person Who Ever Liv—“

What? The Music and Words Award? Not The Queen of Something or Other??

Well … this is … nice … too.

So, let’s rip … when I’m asked if I play a musical instrument I always say “the radio” because, sadly, that’s the extent of my musical abilities, though I love music. I do, however, sing almost constantly — ask Carlos how I drive him crazy with my tunes. And, as I have said here on this blog thing before, I wake up singing, literally, every single day. And sometimes it’s a song I heard the day before, and other times it’s a song I haven’t heard since I was a child.

For example, this morning I woke up singing The Mills Brothers rendition of “You’re Nobody Till Somebody Loves You.” I probably first heard this tune at my grandmother’s house when I was a child and stored it way in my head until this morning when it came out. I don’t know how it works, or why, but the idea of waking up singing is a good thing.

I listen to everything, even some country — though I am not a fan of rap — so there isn’t much I don’t like, and not much I haven’t bought, and not much I haven’t sung in the shower; showtunes, blues, jazz, pop, rock, folk, reggae, classical, opera … I love Billie Holiday, Sting, Adele, Sammy Davis Jr., Idina Menzel, Vivaldi, Betty Buckley, The BoDeans, REM, U2, UB40, Wynonna Judd, Kelly Clarkson, James Taylor, Judy Garland, Puccini, The Gershwin’s, Rodgers and Hammerstein, Louis Armstrong, Johnny Cash, Sarah Vaughan, Aaron Tveit — whom I just recently discovered, kd lang and on and on I could go.

What does music mean to you? 

It means almost everything because music reminds me of where I was when … when anything happened. I can listen to music when I am sad or angry or depressed or happy or tired or just need a little something in the background.

And while I like the music, I am especially drawn to interesting lyrics that can tell a story or take me somewhere or make me think something I had never thought before.

A singer, and a song, that always gets to me … Lady Day.

What is your first music related memory? My father had reel-to-reel tapes of music he’d recorded, and boxes upon boxes of tapes filled with songs; the Boston Pops; Nancy Wilson; Sammy Davis Jr.; John Denver—side note, he went to high school with one of my aunts. My father played those tapes all the time; we had music at dinner almost every night and it was always something new; we good go from Arthur Fiedler to the soundtrack from Roots over a dinner, with everything in between. I remember a few years back I was in a store and there was that elevator-type music playing in the background and a lady in line ahead was squinting and thinking and wondering, and she finally said, aloud to no one in particular, “What song is this? Who used to sing this song?”

And I replied, “Vicki Carr. ‘It Must Be Him.’”

The lady told me I was too young to know that and asked how I knew. I said, because I’m a smart-ass, “I used to do my long program to this one.” Then I spread my arms and lifted a leg behind me as though ice-skating.

But I was right, because I’d heard that song when I was just a wee queerling.

What was the first album you ever purchased yourself?  To be honest — and why not? — I think it was a Diana Ross and the Supremes album. I am a huge Miss Ross fan.to.this.day. But then there was The Who; the Beatles; Simon and Garfunkel … and others to follow.

 What is the latest music you purchased? Adele’s latest was my last purchase. I don’t do “internet” music so I always buy an actual CD because, like a book, I like to hold it in my hand; I like the lyrics so I need to be able to read the songs as well as bust out singing ‘em.

What is the very last song you listened to before writing this post? Be honest!  Idina Menzel — you might know her as Adele Dazeem — singing a live version of “No Day But Today.”

Now, I am supposed to bestow this ward on some folks, but I’ve seen it all around the blog-dom, so I will just say that if you wanna share your music with us, take the questions and sing to us …

Now, before I go, this little award got me trolling YouTube and stumbling across some stuff … so I’m’a leave y’all with a little Sammy.

Davis Jr., that is.

Adam Joseph Comes Out ... As Gay And As A New Dad

I almost missed this one, but luckily I got schooled by The Mistress ....

There are all kinds of ways to Come Out it seems, You can do it like Ellen, splashing across the cover of Time back in the 90s, or you can do it like Zachary Quinto, who came out after the suicide of bullied gay teenager, Jamey Rodemayer. Don Lemon, the CNN anchor, came out in a book, and Robin Roberts, of Good Morning America, came out in a Facebook post. Anton Krasovsky, a Russian TV anchor came out live television on the heels of Russia’s new anti-gay laws, while Olympic diver Tom Daley came out on YouTube.  Jodie Foster and Matt Bomer came out while accepting awards, and WWE wrestler Darren Young sort of accidentally came out to a TMZ news crew.

There are all kinds of ways to tell the world you’re gay, but one of the sweetest, happened yesterday when Philadelphia meteorologist for 6ABC, Adam Joseph, announced the birth of his first child, and for the first time publicly, acknowledged his partner of five years, Karl, in a Facebook post.

"While I believe every person reading this article should respect others' privacy, I decided to share this personal moment for my son. I want my son to be proud of both his fathers. From the day he was born, I want him to understand that families come in all shapes, sizes and colors. In our eyes, as long as there is unconditional love for a child, it doesn't matter who that child looks up to or leans on.”—Adam Joseph

Welcome out, Adam.

And please, accept as our gift to you, and Karl, a copy of The Gay Agenda — perfect for a bedtime story — and the Obligatory Coming Out Toaster Oven. Heck, we might even throw some diapers in there for you!

But either way, no matter how you do it, or when you do it, Coming Out is an important amazing step, and the perfect thing for two dads to teach their son from the get go.

Welcome out, Adam, welcome.

h/t to Mistress Maddie at A Day with the Mistress Borghese for the story

Mistress Maddie Wants To Know ....

...What grinds your gears? What chaps your hide? What tightens your nuts? What pisses you off?

Mistress Maddie posted hers over at her spot, A Day With Mistress Borghese--and if you aren't reading her then WTF are you doing on the Internet--and so I decided to follow suit and share those things that, um, well, bother me.....

1, Stupid Questions .... like 'Which one of you is the woman?' comes to mind. First off, we're gay, and we're male, so neither of us is the woman because that would make us a straight couple and your question even more idiotic. Or howsabout 'What's it like being gay?' 'Um, it's like being straight only more fabulous.'

2.Barbara Walters ... Retire.Already. You passed your Sell By Date in the late 80s ... your late 80s.

3. Fashion ... I'm not into designer duds. I am no label queen--unless it Levi 501s--but if you're going out in public, even to Publix, or the mall, or a movie, put on clean clothes, clothes with no rips or tears or shredded hems. It only takes a second to look like you put a soupçon of effort into getting dressed.

4. Lazy Drivers ... Move! Just because there's a peed limit does not mean you have to drive slower than that! Use a signal! Every freaking car on the road has one, even your hillbilly wagon. Get off the phone! If you wanna die so you can read that latest Facebook update from someone you don't really know, I'd suggest traveling down a two-lane highway in the middle of the night and wrapping your car around a tree. Do not try to take me out with you.

5. John McCain ... See Barbara Walters.

6. People With No Opinions ...On Anything ... Really? You don't have a single thought on marriage equality, gun control or healthcare--amongst other things? Then stop breathing because you're taking up valuable real estate.

7. People Who Can Tell You ... which Kardastrophe f**ked a football player versus which Kardastrophe f**ked a basketball player versus which Kardastrophe is married to a woman, but when you mention the Secretary of State, they look at you like a deer in headlights. You have now become part of the problem.

8. Cell Phones ... I have one, and use it occasionally, but I don't have it glued to my hand and I don't pull it out every five seconds to check it. The reason we've lost the ability to communicate is because we're too busy playing games on phones, watching videos on phones, checking Facebook and Twitter and your blog on the phone. Life is going by and some of you won't know it until a YouTube video about the story comes up on your phone.

9. People Who Show You Pictures ... of their babies and ask, 'Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?' I say, 'Have you seen Huge Ackman shirtless on a beach and why does your baby look like 'Winston Churchill.'

10. People Who Cannot Take A Joke ... So, you say to me, 'Y'all don';t sound like you';re from here.' and I lie, 'I've lived here my whole life.' and you say, 'You don't have an accent' and I say, 'That's because I graduated from the fifth grade.' It's a joke. Sort of.

There are probably more ... many more ... but I'm trying to get myself back to zero and calm down.

What grinds your gears?

Just For Giggles: This One's For Mistress Maddie

Funny Link

Outstanding Guest Comment Of The Week: Mistress Maddie!

The day after, presents opened, meals cooked and served, a nice bottle of Pinot Noir opened and drained, so let's move on to awarding the coveted....coveted?....ISBL Outstanding Guest Comment of the Week award, shall we?

I continue to be shocked and offended by the decades-old, and still ongoing, child sexual abuse scandal of the Catholic Church. So, needless to say I was appalled to learn that in the Netherlands there are Ten To Twenty-Thousand Cases Of Child Molestation By The Catholic Church: 

Raybeard said...

For a long time I've been wondering how anyone at all can STILL claim to be a practicing member of this institution. (e.g. my sister and her husband and family - I stopped being an active member 40 years ago.) Any other organisation with this record, appalling almost beyond imagination, would have been forcibly shut down ages ago. But still, it's God's unique, true Church, isn't it? - led by a senile ex-Nazi (did I say "ex"?) who claims to be God's sole representative on earth. So that's all right, then! 

Since it's 'The Season' and since I'm such a Giver, i decided to share some of what my father calls "superfluous data" with you, in Well......I Never Knew That!, and the you all shared some of yours with me:

 David Dust said...
Did you know that 623 E. 68th Street is actually in the middle of the East River?
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO 

I am not a violent man and do not advocate violence at all, but sometimes, when LGBT people get bashed for being LGBT people, you kinda want them to fight back, which is what happened when William Adam Lane Gets The Lesbian Take-Down:

Tivo Mom said...

The mental picture is so much fun. Love it! 

It seems like scarcely a week goes by without another Republican sex scandal, some straight, some not so much, like And Another Republican Goes Down.......For Going Down On Men:

Buck said...

What an ersatz conservative, buying his porn in Canada rather than in the good 'ol U.S.A 

One man's castle is another man's dump, as we see every week in Architecture Wednesday:

twunty mcslore said...

I love the cozy feel, but who in their right mind puts wooden benches in their family room? Talk about uncomfortable! My butt knuckle would be bruised for DAYS.

Sometimes the bigots need to be shut down again and again, and they probably still don't get it, like in UPDATE 2: Jennifer Keeton Loses Again:

Tiger Chanter said...

Oh, boo-hoo! Poor Lamb! Marcus probably wouldn't want her. She has a va-jay-jay after all... 

Lots to ponder in Random Musings, but there was a little matter of a sign, with part of the name of the group replaced so as not to offend anyone:

R.J. said...

That Gay Men's Chorus sign really pissed me off. I would expect this in the South but not Colorado. 

Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one, and I actually have several.....um, you know, opinions, I mean, not that other....oh, well, here's I Didn't Say It.....:

Kyle Leach said...

Oh how I have missed these posts Bob!The haters are still serving up the same dish; after all, it is the only one they really have.

Your response to Ladybird Bachmann...priceless. Giggle. :) 

I'm a sucker for a love story, especially one with a happy ending like in John & Lou Are Married Now and one reader summed it all up with an emoticon:

froggy said...

:-) 

Lots of rumors running around this weekend, and with some of the not-so-usual suspects--sorry Lohan--but Viktor offered up a startling revelation in I Ain't One To Gossip, But....:

Wonder Man said...

Adam looks a member of Adam Ant's entourage 

One thing I should never do, like I did in A Very Amy Winehouse Christmas......from Mistress Maddie!, is make a promise to do something that I have no intention of ever showing anyone.....

Mitch Block said...

Thanks for the Amy! Enjoy the gin. I do expect to see some pictures of you with beehive and guy-liner. 

Sometimes a picture is worth a thousands words, and sometimes it's an education, and then it's a revelation, so it gets the nod as this weeks ISBLOGCOTW Award--and not just because I won a contest--or was one of severeal winners--at her place last week. Really. That's not why. REALLY! But, here we have Just For Giggles: Horny Outlet:

mistress maddie said...

THANK GOD for the outlet, it was how I learned about the birds and the bees. 

Congrats to the Mistress, and thanks for the giggle....and, well, the visual.

A Very Amy Winehouse Christmas......from Mistress Maddie!

Lucky me!
I stopped in to visit the Mistress at her place, A Day With The Mistress Borghese, one day and she had a contest goin' on. Leave a comment was all I had to do to win a copy of Amy Winehouse's Lioness: Hidden Treasures.
I'd do anything for some Amy, so comment I did, and was one of the lucky ones chosen to receive the CD. And, of course, seeing as it was a gift from Mistress Maddie, it came with its own bottle of Gin and some guy-liner, er, eye-liner.

I'll be teasing my hair into a beehive, slathering on some guy-liner, and then relaxing with some Amy. Thanks Mistress!
And, for all of you, here's some Amy Winehouse for Christmas Eve....

What If You Had To..............

I saw this over at Mistress Maddie's place, A Day With The Mistress Borghese, and thought I'd give it a whirl. It's a game she and the Boy-Toy play, called "What If You Had To".

If you had to, which would you choose:

My answers are in red red red.

1- Free tickets to see Queen Latifah in a jazz club, or Jennifer Hudson in concert? I have loved JHud since Idol days and through Dreamgirls.

2-Wake up in the body of Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie? Jen is too bony; I'd like to be curvy.

3-Wake up in the body of Ashton Kutcher or Brad Pitt? Definitely Brad because, since I'd have the shot to be Angie, I could experience both sides of their "relationship benefits".

4-Overdress, or under dress everyday? Definitely over; yes, definitely.

5-Eat, for a whole week this item only, chocolate chip cookies, or chocolate ice cream? I don't really care for chocolate, but I don't like ice cream, so, the lesser of the two.

6-Nigthmares for a year, or real haunting for a year? Scary to say, but a haunting sounds fun.

7-Sleep with George W Bush, or Ann Coulter? I have never had sex with a woman and my first would not be The Devil Herself.

8-Go on Price is Right, or Jeopardy? Drew Carey scares me, and not in a good way.

9-sleep with Jay Leno, or David Letterman? That chin? Honey, no.

10-Hang with drag queen RuPaul, or Varla Jean Merman? I'd hang with Ru in drag or out of it. Love him. Love her.

11-Have a beach house in the Hampton's, or a beautiful bungalow in Spain? No, I loves me some Spanish men--are you listening Carlos?

12-Be a Smurf, or a Peanuts character? Anyone but PigPen.

13-Direct porn, or star in one? I'd like to run the show.

14-Spend a day with Paris Hilton, or Rachael Zoe? Maddie! You know how this would end if I spent the day with Paris. Dead heiress, homo in jail.

15-Spend a week with Martha Stewart, or Oprah Winfrey? My big mouth and Oprah's big as...head? Not gonna happen.

16-If you couldn't live in America any longer, if you had to, would you live in South America or Europe? More diverse.

17-Have a sex change or end your life? I could be happy as a woman, but, what to do with Carlos?

18-Change your beauty, or be thinner? Does this make me shallow?

19-Sleep with Mel Gibson, or Tom Cruise? I just couldn't. Mel Gibson is the King Of The Fucktards and Tom Cruise is a closeted girly-man. A hater or a self-loather? Neither.

20-Go up in a hot air balloon,or sky dive? Freefalling!

21-Give up the ability to ever hear music again, or the ability to ever read again? This was tough, but to never hear music? i could make up stories, but I couldn't make up music.

22-Be a land animal,or a sea animal? I'm Aqueerius, a water sign!

23-Live a year with Lady Gaga, or Madonna? I never thought I'd say it, and I'm late to the show, but I am cuckoo for GaGa.

24-Have breathtaking beauty for the rest of your life, but spend a year in jail, or be just plain looking and never be in jail? I keep thinking about being beautiful in jail with all those horny guys. When would I sleep?

25-Be snowed in a cabin for two long weeks with Star Jones, or Debbie Matenopoulos. Although, I could kill Star and live off the meat through the winter. Hmmmm. six of one, a half dozen of the other.

Happy Birthday To The Mistress!

Mistress Maddie, over at A Day With The Mistress Borghese is celebrating her birthday.

EVERYBODY SING!

What A Way To Start The Day!

I saw this first thing this morning over at Mistress Maddie's place and just had to share it. Say what you will about the drama that is Amy Winehouse, the problems that plague her, the issues she has, but, damn, girl can sing.

Another RantGate

Thanks to Joy over at Babble On for the title!

As you may know, I love to rant about things that annoy me, things I cannot understand, and , well, anything and everything. So here are today's rants, and notice, there is no Matt Lauer rant simply because he's been gone all week.

______________________________

Oprah.

I know, I've ranted about the Big O in the past, but seriously, when is she going to stop milking Rihanna for ratings?

She apparently had an entire show devoted to the Rihanna/Chris Brown situation last week, and then did another show about it yesterday.

Oprah, honey, put down the snack cake and listen to me for a sec, okay? Put it down. It's okay you can have it back when we're done. Put it dow.......that's a good girl.

Oprah, this is a serious topic, and it isn't a topic that went away after Tina left Ike, and then reared it's ugly head again when Chris Brown bit Rihanna. This topic has been around for eons. Sheesh, even you dragged poor Robin Givens outta bed to talk about her life with Mikey.

So why are you bringing it up now?

For ratings.

Even your lap dog, I'm-No-Doctor Phil, is doing shows on the Rihanna factor.

What I'm tryin' to say, O, is don't use Rihanna to score ratings points. It isn't worse because it was Rihanna or Tina or Robin. It's bad because it's bad, and if you want to help, then talk about it more often.

Don't wait until the next celebrity smackdown.

________________________________

Racists.

What's up with them?

I knew we'd encounter a bit more racism after leaving Miami for Smallville, but up here it makes even less sense than anywhere else I've ever lived or been. And that doesn't mean it makes sense at all, anywhere, ever.

One of the women I work with is African-American, and she is horrendously anti-Mexican. For the record, there has been a huge influx of Latinos here in South Carolina over the last few years, so it is a relatively new segment of the population, although that should make no difference. But this one Black woman, who was a friend of sorts, who had met Carlos, and knew us both, one day, out of the blue, she says, Oh no. Mexicans. I hate Mexicans.

Well, I say, Carlos is Mexican.

He's one of the good ones.

One of the good ones? I don't understand how anyone, who has been subjected to racism or sexism or ageism or gay-ism, to any form of hate, can they themselves become haters.

Didn't they learn anything from their own attackers?

And this isn't a Black Thing or a White thing....a yellow red or brown thing....it applies to gay folks just as well.

Think about those who hate you before you open your mouth to spew your own hate.

_________________________________

Those folks who are criticizing President Obama because his people are now saying "the fundamentals of the economy are strong."

And didn't, they say in that snarky tone, didn't John McCain utter those words just last fall? And wasn't he blasted for being a dimwit for saying them?

Yes, he did utter them. But that was before the mess got messier. Before we knew about all the corruption on Wall Street.

And he was blasted for saying them because, as we all know, he was, and is, a man who has stated publicly that he knows nothing about the economy.

__________________________________

And to those same people who are going after President Obama like sharks after blood, just two months into his term.

Where were you during the first six years of the Bush Terrorist Regime? Where were you when the Repugs hid the bodies of our war dead from us as they came home to be buried? Where were you when the Repugs stopped any and all anti-war protesters from getting within eyesight if W? Where were you when he allowed torture to be used....when he said it was okay to spy on Americans.....when he out and out lied to us?

Where were you?

Exactly. So give Obama six years before you open your yaps to complain.

___________________________________

Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan.

__________________________________

UPDATE: This just in from Mistress Maddie and I just had to share:
"I could rant right there with you but I agree with you on all these things and or people. But Paris drives me CRAZY more than anyone. I wish that blonde bimbo ,untalented, rode hard and put away wet, ho ,who looks like a tart as the 3am shift worker at the Jacksonville ,FL Waffle House would just go AWAY!!! How's that?"
__________________________________

Now.
That's all.