It's Snarkurday!

Someone named Jason Derulo, a singer, apparently—thanks Google—has accused American Airlines of racial discrimination over a disagreement on baggage fees. And it must be true because Jason scooted over to bastion of journalistic integrity, The New York Times People magazine to spill the tea.

When Jason and his party of eight arrived at Miami International Airport at 4:15 for a 5PM flight to Los Angeles—which is cutting it very close you know—they had a total of 19 bags. And since they had just 45 minutes to make their flight, a Derulo flunky stayed behind to check the bags while everyone else scurried to the gate.

Now, Derulo says he flies AA because he has a Concierge Key that allows him to check three bags without getting hit with a fee and since he was traveling with eight people then all 19 bags should have been no charge ... right?

Not that day Satan. The straggler who stayed behind called Jason—who was on the plane and pulling away from the gate—to say the total for checking all 19 bags was $4,000 and that’s when Jason went off.

Derulo demanded the pilot let him off the plane and, miraculously, the pilot did! But, as Jason and his band of crybabies exited, Derulo says the pilot cussed them out, and they were met on the tarmac by fifteen police officers and another AA employee who also cursed them out.

But all that changed when Jason played the Don’t you know who I am? card ... and then took this mess to Instagram:

“As you can imagine, I’m surrounded by 15 police officers, I’m not going to curse back because I know what’s going to happen. So I pick up my phone, and I go live on my Instagram ... and I start to hear whispers happening, and as soon as they find out who I am, everything changes. Every single person becomes somebody else, and all of a sudden, we’re not in trouble anymore.”

No charges were filed and Jason, his group and their bags got on a later flight. But Jason says it’s not over. He says he would have ended up in handcuffs if he wasn’t the Jason Derulo and so he went back to Instagram:

“@americanair I spent millions on your airline throughout the past ten years between myself and my entire staff but have still experienced racial discrimination today at miami airport!!! Called 15 police officers on me as if I'm a criminal! It's not ok that when you find out who I am the gears change! Fuck that!! I want answers #conciergekey #conciergekeymember #thecaptainneedstoshowrespecttoo cause he could #cashmeoutsidehowboutdat #notypo #ifiwasanyoneelseiwouldhavebeenarrested”

Of course, the police tell a different story: an AA employee claims Jason and his group smelled like weed and got aggressive when they checked in, and then got pissy about the baggage fees and demanded to be let off the plane. But, when a passenger gets off a plane, they have to show their ID so the flight staff can take them off of the manifesto, and Jason and his group refused to show their IDs—Don’t you know who I am—and that’s where it got ugly.

See, he was acting like a dick on weed who cried about a baggage fee and then demanded to get off the plane and then refused to show his ID and then cried to People F**king Magazine about it.

Hey Jason, maybe you get to the airport early enough to check your bags and then, when you’re told how $$$ it’ll be, you don’t get on the flight. But don’t scream like a little bitch because you had to cough up some coins and then demand that the plane be stopped and act the bitch on the tarmac.

Grow the eff up. In a few years you’ll be working at baggage claim in Miami because no one knows who you are!

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Mere moments after breaking off her engagement to her billionaire boyfriend, James Packer, Mimi got a new love ... one of her backup dancers.

Billionaire to backup dancer must be quite the come down, which may explain why Mariah Carey and her boy-toy spent an intimate Valentine’s Day together, and then shared it on social media.

The two of them, in a hot tub, with both makeup and hair teams, retouchers, costumers, lighting people, acting coaches to tell Mimi how to appear happy, and, of course, the accountant, there to write a check for the boyfriend.

Isn’t it romantic?

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Did you know that Kelly Ripa hasn’t spoken to her former “Live” co-host Regis Philbin since the day he left the show six years ago? Did you care?

Anyway, Philbin is now saying that Ripa won’t speak to him because she was “very offended” when he left. Offended? I mean, her salary probably doubled and her name came first on the billing so ... offended? I doubt it. Philbin, though, is saying:

“She got very offended when I left. She thought I was leaving because of her. I was leaving because I was getting older and it was not right for me anymore.”

Then Philbin says he doesn’t speak to Kelly and gives us the nugget of why he’s spilling the tea right now ...

“Never once did they ask me to go back [on the show].”

And there it is; he hasn’t been asked back and so now he’s playing the She-Won’t-Talk-to-Me card in the hopes of her asking him to come back because, well, Regis Philbin likes to be on TV but when he gave it up, there were no new offers.

Sit down, Reege, and pipe down, too.

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Nick Cannon has hosted America’s Got Talent for eight years, but recently announced in a long-assed Facebook rant that he’s done with the show. And he says it’s because NBC wanted to censor a joke he told in a Showtime comedy special about how he feels like he lost his black card once he started hosting AGT. 

NBC execs didn’t like that joke and felt like Cannon was hurting their brand, er wallets, and asked him to cut it; Nick put on that Norma Desmond turban and said, “Oh hell no” and quit the AGT gig.

Here’s the, um, for lack of a better word, “joke,” that caused Nick to quit:

“I honestly believe, once I started doing America’s Got Talent, they took my real n—r card. They did! Because then like these type of people started showing up to my shows”—Cannon then points to three older white people in the front row—“I can’t do the real n—r stuff no more, because then they’ll put me on TMZ.”

But that wasn’t the only joke he made:

“That’s what NBC is gonna stand for tonight: ‘N—rs Better Come on, cuz N—rs Be Cussin’, so N—rs Be Careful ... ‘cuz y’all see me on the show. I mean sometimes I wish I could say the stuff that I want to say. … But I can’t say that. I can’t talk like that ‘cuz that would mess up the white money. It will.”

And since Nick has a contract with NBC that states that he can’t talk about the network without approval, he has opted to play the I Quit card instead of the I Got Fired card for talking about my bosses and telling jokes that are not funny.

Seriously, had the jokes landed he might have still had the job, but unfunny gets you axed.

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While walking the Red Carpet at the Grammys in a seriously hideous dress, Katy Perry created an internet firestorm because of something she said ... about Britney! Twice ... two times ... Katy joked about Britney Spears’ head-shaving mental breakdown moment from 2007.

The first occurred when ET asked Katy about her new-ish hair and she said:

“The only thing left to do is shave my head, which I’m really saving for a public breakdown. I’m down for that.”

And later, when asked by TV pipsqueak Ryan Seacrest about why she hasn’t been seen in a while, oops, she said it again:

“Yeah, that’s called taking care of your mental health…[it went] fantastic! And I haven’t shaved my head yet.”

To be fair, Katy didn’t mention BritBrit by name, but c’mon, we all know who she meant. And some of the more rabid Cheetos-eating Spears fans didn’t think it was very funny of Katy and they let her know it on Twitter by creating the hateful ... I kid, it’s funny ... hashtag:

#KatyPerryIsOverParty.

Now, Britney’s fans might have been pissed, but Britney herself wasn’t saying a word, maybe because she’s crazy as a loon and doesn’t remember her head shaving moment.

Just saying ...

Cue ... #BobIsOverParty

But then .... Britney heard about it ... I’m thinking someone told her about it          very         slowly        so     she’d         understand        and Britney came back like this ... with a Bible verse no less ...  on Instagram and  Twitter:

“Her mouth speaks from that which fills her heart ...  Luke 6:45”

But here’s the deal; the full verse, and Katy, whose parents are ultra-religious, should know, is much more harsh:

“A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”

Wow. Now I’m waiting to see what Katy does ... maybe dance around town with a boa constrictor who will choke her to death ... or maybe marry a backup dancer-turned-bloated-loser and pop out two Katylets ... or marry some random dude for half a day?

I do so love a feud, and maybe Ryan Murphy, once his Bette David Joan Crawford Feud airs, will turn next season toward Brit and Katy?

He can call it Dumb and Dumber.

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It looks as though Ben Affleck’s stand alone Batman movie is going to be a bigger mess than his Batman v Superman mess. I mean, seriously, he was woefully miscast as Batman, unless Batman was meant to be a muttering, mumbling, pretend to be gruff wannabe.

When The Batman was first announced, Warner Bros. said Affleck would write and direct and star in the film, but that lasted a second. Soon, Affleck gave up the director’s chair to Matt Reeves and now comes word that he doesn’t even wanna be Batman any more.

The rumor comes from John Campea, host of Collider Movie Talk, and he says he’s heard from sources—perhaps Lohan trying to get a Batgirl franchise going—that after being Batman in Batman v. Superman, Affleck wants to hang up his cape.

Now, he’ll write and produce it but he won’t wear the tights or the fake muscle suit any longer. And is that such a bad thing? I mean, he took Batman from the brilliant darkness of Christian Bale and turned it back into a cartoon.

He’s got to be stopped.

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Halle Berry sucks at picking men, clearly.

She’s been married three times, and all three were messy; even the men she didn’t marry became extras in her hubby troubles. But maybe, maybe, Halle has learned her lesson?

During a Q&A at the 2017 City Summit and Gala, Halle admitted she knows her three marriages have been more of a bomb than Catwoman ... and that was a nuclear bomb, y’all:

“I have learned to deal with three failed marriages, which has not been easy, especially when there’s children involved. [As] women, we go into marriage thinking it’s going to last forever and that this is our prince on a shiny horse. ... But we go in there with that hope, so when it falls apart it feels like a huge failure and a huge disappointment.”

Halle then says she’s learned a lot from all those horrific relationships which means it took her three marriages and countless relationships to learn the lesson to ... LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP.

Got it now, Halle?

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It’s hard to break-up with someone and then see them out dating someone else, but it’s harder when you’re Justin Bieber and you have the emotional range of a toddler in dirty Pampers.

See, shortly after Justin found out that his ex Selena Gomez was dating-schtupping-photo-op’ing The Weeknd, Justin puffed out his little chest and called The Weeknd’s music “wack” and now, a month later, he’s still crying.

We know that Justin Bieber didn’t go to the Grammys—because he says they don’t honor talent—so what did he do on Sunday? He trolled The Weeknd on Instagram Live by driving around with a friend who asks him, live, what his favorite song is ...and Bieber says it’s The Weeknd’s Starboy.

Then the two fools laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh ...

Oooh, burn! Like I said, the emotional range of a toddler in dirty Pampers.

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Matt Damon’s latest movie, The Wall—and it has nothing to do with hair Furor—has taught the actor a lot about buns, man buns. In the film, Damon plays a European mercenary warrior who is imprisoned at the Great Wall, but it’s his hair, his extensions, that are getting the attention today.

Damon says it took nearly a day to install his weave:

“I mean they put 700 extensions in, it took 12 hours, and then I had to try and keep them in. By the time they cut them out, it was like a rat’s nest. I took a picture of it. I think there was stuff living in there.”

What the what? If Damon had to sit in a chair getting his wee extensions for man bun in this film, Beyoncé must spend years in the chair getting her hair did.

Just sayin’.

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I Ain't One To Gossip, But......

Last week, Regis Philbin, host of 'Live With Regis and Kelly' announced that he would be retiring from morning television after 40 years of being in the business. He plans on leaving the show sometime this summer, saying of his retirement: "There is a time that everything must come to an end for certain people on camera -- especially certain old people!"
But it isn't all retirement and golf and trips with wife Joy that have Regis leaving. It's ALLEGEDLY  about money, or the lack of money being lain at Regis' feet.
It seems that Regis Philbin's agent, Jim Griffin, was in negotiations with ABC executives for a new contract since his current deal expired and the execs made it clear they wanted Regis to take a pay cut. The executives say the reason for the pay cut is that the show is no longer performing as well as it has, and that, well, Regis takes too much time off. 
Sources--and by sources I mean Gelman--say Philbin earns between $18 and $20 million a year.
Well, Regis turned all diva at the mere suggestion that he take less than twenty million, and his anger sparked the retirement announcement, and the sudden firing of his agent for mismanaging the negotiations.
Moral of the story: don't piss on a TV diva's paycheck.

And speaking of Diva Philbin, while he isn't ready to say who he thinks should take his seat, there is a name of a possible replacement floating around.

Lisa Rinna.
A source--and by source, I mean Lisa Rinna--says, "Lisa has proved she can do the job. She has co-hosted the show with Regis, filled in for Joy Behar on her show and was even better than Billy Bush when she stepped into his shoes on Access Hollywood's new daytime show."
Yeah, but taking Regis and Kelly to Kelly and Lisa? I'm not sure that's a good fit. And plus, would Lisa go to all the trouble of moving her husband and children, not to mention her ginormous lips, from California to New York?
That would be some moving truck.
Lisa, probably knowing she should keep her mouth shut [if possible] will only say, "Regis taught me everything that I know. He is the King!"
But, desperate for a job, any job, since, well, no one hires her as an actress any longer, Rinna is quick to pint out that she almost had the job co-hosting the show ten years ago: "You know, back 10 years ago I filled in many times with Regis when Kathie Lee left. I've been so fortunate enough to co-host with him at least 10 times or more and was up for the job to replace Kathie Lee, but of course Kelly was the perfect choice for it."
Well, she might have been a good fit for Regis, but, again, Kelly and Lisa? I don't see it.

Rather than Top Chef, they should call this one Top Custody.

Earlier this week, Adam Dell, the father of Top Chef host Padma Lakshmi's baby, filed a lawsuit seeking full custody of their 11-month-old daughter Krishna. Dell decided to take this drastic step because he claims that Lakshmi told him she had hoped he has nothing to do with the pregnancy.
According to the 16-page lawsuit, Dell says that when he and Lakshmi were dating in 2009, she was also dating 70-year-old IMG boss Ted Forstmann, with whom she is currently in a relationship.
Dell claims that Lakshmi had hoped Forstmann was Krishna's father, and not Dell, and said Lakshmi even refused to put his name on the birth certificate. He claims she was trying "to minimize, if not eliminate [Dell's] role in Krishna's life and to install Forstmann as Krishna's father."
And, according to Dell, Padma ALLEGEDLY launched a cruel attack on him during a phone call in September 2009, calling him an 'unambitious' man with an 'uninteresting' career and 'unmemorable' friends.He also claims, in his lawsuit, that "Forstmann declared that Lakshmi, Krishna and he are a 'family' and they wished [Dell] would f*****g disappear."
Ouch.
Padma's lawyer, Jay Silverstein, calls Dell's suit "inaccurate and misleading" and adds, "We were in the process of negotiating permanent visitation rights when Dell terminated negotiations and this suit was filed. He remains more interested in garnering media attention than focusing on the welfare of his daughter....[Lakshmi is saddened and gravely disappointed that Mr. Dell has chosen a very public means of filing his petition with the court rather than doing so in a confidential or sealed manner which is customary in cases involving a very young child."
Hmmm, this could get ugly, like Marcel getting his hair cut ugly.

One thing one doesn't do, apparently, is bore Oprah Winfrey; though, it is quite accepted to be bored by Oprah Winfrey.

It seems that Sarah Ferguson, star of an upcoming reality show on Winfrey's new OWN network, is ALLEGEDLY being asked to go back and shoot more compelling footage before the show,  'Finding Sarah' debuts this spring.
A source--and by source I mean Oprah's husband Gayle--says, "Oprah isn't happy with the show...She found it boring...and has ordered reshoots to make it harder hitting, and more revealing."
Um, Oprah, you gasbag? If you reshoot scenes for a reality show, then how is that reality?
:::crickets::::
Yeah, further proof that Oprah has lost her grasp on reality, but not on that case of Ding Dongs under her bed.

I loves me some 'Housewives'. The New York bitches, and the Beverly Hills ho's. And now, there is another set of 'Housewives' being brought to Bravo to stir the pot.
And these  divas are from Miami.
I'm in.

And one of the reasons I'm in is that one of The Real Housewives of Miami is none other than blonde bombshell Elaine Lancaster, whose also goes by his non-drag name, James Davis.
That's right. One of the housewives is  a man....and a woman! This has fabulous written all over it.
Elaine will appear as both James and Elaine in the series, which is expected to debut this year. It is a reboot of an old, tired, Bravo show called Miami Social Club but it has been upgraded to Housewives!
It will also feature Scottie Pippen's wife, Larsa, and magazine editor Alexia Echeverria.
In Miami.
Miami? Drag queens? I'm so there!


And now, back to Oprah:
Everyone, well, not me, was stunned this week when Oprah Winfrey broke the news that she recently discovered she had a half-eaten sister, I mean, a half-sister she never knew about.

But, and this is the part of the story that makes me giggle, it seems people are so impressed that Oprah's newest semi-sibling, Patricia, cared so much about Oprah's privacy and reputation that she turned down million dollar offers from tabloid magazines to tell her story.
A source--and by source, I mean the man who keeps Oprah fed--says, "All Patricia wanted was the truth. She wasn't interested in selling her story even for a million dollars. She just wanted to know who she was, where she came from and if she had any brothers or sisters. She had no idea when she started this search she would end up being Oprah Winfrey's half-sister."
And people are just falling all over themselves, praising Patricia for not selling out, but, call me skeptical, would you sell your story to the tabloids for a million bucks, or would you keep that story to yourself, and find your sister who is worth 100-times that much money.
Yeah, Patricia didn't sell her story because she's a half-sister to the goose with the golden eggs.

And, well, this is becoming All-Oprah, All The Time:
While her audience may have been stunned with Oprah Winfrey's news of half-sister Patricia, they weren't the only ones.

Vernon Winfrey, O's father, had no idea at all about the half-sister until he tuned it to the show himself.
Upon hearing the good news, Vernon said, "I'm pleased for Oprah that she discovered that she has a new half-sister and I would like to meet her too. I intend to call Oprah later this evening actually to try and catch-up with her about the exciting news."
And, no doubt, to find out where she fits in the inheritance line.
And then we have Gayle's reaction to the news that her husband has a long lost half-sister.
Gayle told ABC News: "I can't wait to meet Patricia."

Gayle-speak for, "Let me size this bitch up."
A source--and by source I mean Steadman, Oprah's beard--says "Gayle must have mixed feelings about the arrival of Patricia. Of course she wants nothing but the best for Oprah, but there has to be just a little tiny part of Gayle that is asking, 'What now?'"
As in, "Does this cut my share of the fortune?"
We all know that Gayle is very protective of Oprah, and her bank accounts, and is not used to sharing her with anyone. Sources--and by sources I mean the team that hoists Oprah in and out of the tub each day--say, "This new addition to the family could be a bigger adjustment for Gayle than for Oprah."
But Gayle is trying to take the high road to Oprah's vault, by saying, "This is extraordinary that somebody would have this information about Oprah, who as you know has been sold out on many occasions by friends, by co-workers, in some cases family. Patricia wasn't trying to get Oprah, she was trying to find her mother ... having Oprah as a sister, a half-sister, was a bonus."
Yeah, the kind of bonus one gets from their boss every year; or used to, until the boss found out she has a sister.

Okay, enough O stories.

Onto Camille Grammer, who is set to receive some $50 million dollars in her divorce settlement from Kelsey Grammer.
Now, it seems, Camille wants just a teeny bit more. 
Camille is requesting the divorce court grant her additional $10 million just in case Kelsey suddenly, um, dies shortly after his marriage.
Camille's lawyer, Neal Hersh, says Camille is concerned that Kelsey's impending marriage to Kayte Walsh would affect her as Walsh would presumably receive some legal rights to property that is still subject to divorce proceedings between Kelsey and Camille.
Oh, Kayte might get some stuff Camille wants.
Camille's objection is that, should Kelsey remarry and then suddenly pass away, she would have to pay out of her own pocket for any litigation regarding his estate. And she'll only have $50 million, and a house in Malibu. Why, she might have to downsize to just three nannies, and just four friends on the payroll if Kelsey dies.
Oh.The.Humanity.