I Didn't Say It ...

Liz Cheney, yes, that Liz Cheney, Wyoming Republican Congresswoman, on the GOP, FoxNews, and _____’s “shameful” attack on the patriotism of Iraq war veteran and impeachment inquiry witness Alexander Vindman:

“I want to say a word about something that’s been going on over the last several hours and last night which I think is also shameful. That is, questioning the patriotism, questioning the dedication to country of people like Mr. Vindman, Lieutenant Colonel Vindman who will be coming today, and others who have testified. I think that we need to show that we are better than that as a nation. Their patriotism, their love of country, we are talking about decorated veterans who served this nation who have put their lives on the line and it is shameful to question their patriotism, their love of this nation, and we should not be involved in that process.”

I’ve a feeling Hell is freezing over because ::::gulp::: I 100% agree with :::gulp::: Liz Cheney.

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Pete Buttigieg, presidential candidate, on Warren Hurst, Sevier County, Tennessee Commissioner, calling him the “queer” running for president:

“Well, he was right about one thing. He’s right that there is a gay man running for president. He doesn’t seem to be right about much else.”

Good on Pete for not sinking to the level of Warren Hurst. He’s like Obama in that way; he won’t suffer the fools but he won’t go low, either.

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Helen Mirren, Academy Award and Golden Globe-winning actress, on getting older:

“It’s much better to age disgracefully! Take it on the chin, and roll with it. You die young, or you get older. There is nothing in between! You may as well enjoy it. My mother once said, ‘Never worry about getting older. I know the thought of you being 45 when you’re 25 is, Oh, my god! Who wants to be 45? But it’s amazing because when you get to be 45, you’ll realize it’s actually very cool and you don’t want to be 25 again.’ And I have to say, she was absolutely right. With every age comes advantages and disadvantages. And you tend to find that you don’t want to go back. You want to be exactly where you are with everything you’ve experienced.”

Brava Helen, a fine fierce fabulous older woman.

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Kellyanne Conway, White House Cryptkeeper, mocked, berated and threatened Caitlin Yilek, a Washington Examiner reporter who dared mention her husband’s opposition to _____ in an article about her:

“So, listen, if you’re going to cover my personal life, if you’re going to cover my personal life, then we’re welcome to do the same around here. If it has nothing to do with my job, which it doesn’t, that’s obvious, then we’re either going to expect you to cover everybody’s personal life or we’re going to start covering them over here.”

Oh Kelly, someone hit a nerve and your crumbling façade crumbled a little more.

Any article about you should include the fact that you are married to a man who isn’t goose-stepping along with a rapist racist misogynistic lying traitor.

Okurrrrrr?

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Miss Lindsey Graham, ass-kissing goose-stepping _____ lapdog, demanding we all praise the Asshat in Chief:

“The killing of Baghdadi is a game changer in the war on terror. Doesn’t mean the war is over. The president’s determination over time has paid off. We don’t give him enough credit for destroying the caliphate. He did this in months, not years, because he changed the rules of engagement. This is a moment where we should all be proud of our American military and our intelligence community. This is a moment where President _____’s worst critics should say, ‘Well done, Mr. President.’”

Why, Miss Lindsey, because he had a great round of golf while our soldiers were risking their lives?

Why, because he staged a photo op to make it look like he was in the room when the attack happened even though he’s a five-time draft dodging anti-military f**kmonkey?

Go f**k yourself, ma’am, you’re a disgrace.

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Pharrell Williams, on gender fluid fashion:

“Well, I’m ashamed to say it was an aesthetic choice first. I liked something, and I put it on. Then the philosophy came behind it. And I do have my lines … But things that are made for women that I feel will look good on me—that I like—I will wear.”

Does it matter, really? I mean they’re just clothes, an extension of our expression of who we are and how we feel at that moment.

I say rock the boat and wear what you want.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I adore Patti LuPone. She’s talented, brassy, ballsy, bold and has exactly zero fucks left to give. Even when it comes to old feuds like her decades long-running tiff with Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber.

La LuPone, as I call her, is returning to Broadway this spring with the revival of Stephen Sondheim’s Company and so she’s doing some press; and whenever Patti does press her tiff with ALW comes up. Now, Patti dished ALW in her 2011 memoir Patti LuPone: A Memoir and last year he countered with memories of her in his own book Unmasked: A Memoir, in which he dragged La LuPone for her diction. As you know, and if you don’t WTF is wrong with you, La LuPone was the original Evita and ALW still had a few notes for her about her performance.

Here’s how Patti found that out in a recent interview:

Did you read Andrew Lloyd Webber’s memoir?

No. Am I in it?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, dear.

The interviewer tells her that Andy “rehashed the expected stuff” like their falling out when ALW fired her from the Broadway production of Sunset Boulevard and replaced her with Glenn Close, and the interviewer says Andy “made a point of criticizing” La LuPone’s diction. Now, Patti wasn’t surprised by that, and even acknowledged it saying:

“You don’t know, when you’re in the moment, that you’re not enunciating.”

She added that John Houseman used to call her “flannel mouth” back in the day. So, she was fine with the diction comments until she realized he was talking about her performance in Evita:

“How could he talk about “Evita”? The whole thing is sung. He’s a jerk. He’s a sad sack. He is the definition of sad sack. I never wanted to do “Evita,” because it was the most bizarre music I’d ever heard. You’re raised on Rodgers and Hammerstein, Meredith Willson, Lerner and Loewe, and then you hear that? I heard the “Evita” concept album, and I went, ‘Ow, my ear.’”

But then she added:

“I thought ‘Evita’ was the best thing he and Tim Rice did. But the rest of it is schmaltz.”

That’s why I love La LuPone, a compliment and a dig going hand-in-hand.

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When Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan announced they were divorcing after nine years of marriage, they both released the same no-drama statement about their split, saying how much they loved each other, but that they just weren’t going to be married anymore.

How quickly things change … Jenna, who has a book, Gracefully You: Finding Beauty and Balance in the Everyday, to publicize, is now crying about how she found out that Channing and Jessie J were dating … like all of us, or some of us, or none of us … by reading it on the internet.

But here’s the rub … Channing and Jessie J started dating after the Tatum’s split up, so why she is now acting like the scorned spouse is odd … except she has a book to sell and coins to make.

“I was in a state of shock. One week I’d be doing really well and the next I was slammed with a whole new slew of emotions. The rumor mill was churning out story after story. There were many times I hid under the covers, wondering what was next. The pain hit me like a tumbling avalanche. I was completely overcome with fear and sadness. It took many moments of sitting alone with my grief to force me into surrendering to my roller coaster of a situation.”

Funny, all that pain, and that wild roller coaster of an emotional ride didn’t stop Jenna from meeting and dating and hooking up with and having a baby with  Broadway actor Steve Kazee. I wonder if she called Channing to let him know, or if that’s just a one-sided thing … when you have a book to sell.

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Lori Loughlin is hilarious. She’s currently awaiting trial for her :::cough::: ALLEGED role in Operation Varsity Blues where rich people used illegal bribes to get their kids into prestigious universities. Lori stands accused of paying $500,000 to fake some rowing credentials for her daughters, Olivia Jade and Isabella Giannulli to get them into USC because they weren’t smart enough to get in on their own merits.

But that’s not the funny part; Loughlin pled not guilty, where others—like Felicity Huffman—pled out, and were given very light sentences. And then ,even funnier, Loughlin has now been hit with more charges and funniest of all is that Lori Loughlin has been watching Felicity Huffman’s 13-day prison stay and wants to know what it’s like because she thinks she’ll get the same deal.

Oh Lori, you’ll be going to a Fuller Big House.

For a longer time, too, honey.

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What do you do if you’re tasked with playing a role in a film, like say, oh, I dunno, The Joker, in Suicide Squad, and think you’re gonna ride that part to an Oscar like Heath Ledger did in that Batman movie? And then you don’t. But then you think you’ll take the part on again and play it in a stand-alone film about The Joker’s origin story and you learn that Joaquin Phoenix has gotten your part?

Well, if you’re  Jared Leto you try and try and try … and try to stop the film from happening. And you fail. Kinda because Suicide Squad sucked, and many of your scenes were chopped from the film, and so no one wanted Jared Leto back on film in that role except for Jared Leto. And now, in 2019, that Joker film is killing it at the box office and it looks like its star, Joaquin Phoenix, might get that Joker Oscar.

According to sources familiar with Leto’s behavior, when the Oscar-winning actor—for Dallas Buyer’s Club—learned of the Todd Phillips project, he not only complained to his agents at CAA, who also represent Phillips, but asked his music manager, Irving Azoff, to call the leader of Warners parent company to get Warners to kill the Phillips film if he didn’t get the lead. Sources say Leto felt his agents should have told him about the Phillips project earlier and fought harder for his version of Joker, or at least stopped the rival project, arguing that Leto wasn’t being treated properly as an Oscar winner.

Everyone said, ‘No,’ and now Jared is no longer represented by CAA or Azoff.

Oops.

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What’s that smell? 

It smells like aging Miley Cyrus desperate for attention, but it’s actually 73-year-old Suzanne Somers celebrating her 73rd birthday by posting a picture of herself in her literal birthday suit.

Oh Suzanne, desperation smells terrible at age 26 and even worse at 73.

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What smells glorious is 74-year-old Hellen Mirren at the premiere of her latest film, The Good Liar.

Somers should take notes.

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It's Snarkurday!

Helen Mirren is no stranger to loving your body and showing it off, and I love her for it — and I am way gay.

And I love her because she loathes the Kardastrophes, though she did say this:

“I’m not into the Kardashians, it’s a phenomenon I just don’t find interesting, but – and this is the big word: B-U-T-T — it’s wonderful that you’re allowed to have a butt nowadays. Thanks to Madame Kardashian, and before her, J-Lo. We’re also allowed to have thighs now, which is great too. It’s very positive.”

Shoot, when I read she was talking about Kim Kardastrophe’s ass I simply assumed she was a fan of Kanye.

Oh well …

The other night they held the CFDA Fashion Awards dinner and so naturally designer Rachel Roy was in attendance. She arrived with model Candice Huffine, whom she dressed, and they posed together for pictures on the red carpet.

But as the gala began, suddenly the room was all abuzz with the news that Beyoncé might attend. A fashion writer tweeted, “Jay Z has just arrived ... What could it mean?”  Then Beyoncé’s daughter, Blue Ivy, arrived with grandmother Tina Knowles, basically giving away the night’s Icon winner.

And so what was Roy to do, especially since it is rumored that she was the “Becky with the good hair,” a character name-checked in a Beyoncé song about a woman Jay Z banged while married to Bey.

Roy did what she could … she grabbed her place card and ran!

Seriously? The place card? It’s like she was trying to remove any evidence that she’d even been in the room, lest Beyoncé whip that weave in her direction.

Roy now says she left in such a hurry, place card in hand because she had to catch an early flight the next day to be with her kids in LA.

Uh huh.

Axl Rose is pissed, y’all. See, like Beyoncé before him, Rose is very very angry the hordes of “unflattering” pictures of him from 2010 that live on the internet.

See, back in ’10, photos of a not-so-skinny Axl Rose in a red bandana were taken at a Guns N’ Roses concert in Canada.  And quicker than you can say Mad Fat Boy In A Bandanna the photos were turned into memes.

Well, Axl must have just stumbled across the nearly six-year-old memes recently, because now he’s filed documents to have them destroyed. Yes; destroyed.

It seems the anti-piracy company Web Sheriff issued a DMCA takedown request to Google and Blogspot over the pictures on Axl’s behalf:

“Copyright image of Axl Rose. Please be advised that no permission has been granted to publish the copyright image so we cannot direct you to an authorized example of it.” 

To make it even stickier, the photos were taken by Boris Minkevich for the Winnipeg Free Press. Boris doesn’t own the copyright and says that anyone who made a Fax Axl meme is guilty of stealing the pictures from the Winnipeg Free Press.

So far, Google hasn’t taken any of the pictures so if you search for “Fat Axl” you’ll get your fill of Fat Axl Memes.

Fat Axl Rose. Who does he think he us, Ugly Beyoncé?

Just last week, dressed like a young racist Donald [t]Rump, 22-year-old Conrad Hilton was back in front of a judge yesterday for messing up the terms of his parole … again.

Conrad was told to lay off the, um, er, substances, but apparently he’s been filling up his orifices with all kinds of shiz and admitted so to the judge.

Now, since Connie is rich and white, I naturally assumed he’d be sent to swim camp with Convicted Rapist Brock Allen Turner, but the judge gave him two months in jail.

Two months for violating probation. Wow, that’s almost a third of the sentence that Swimmers Who Rape get, but let’s look back at Connie’s indiscretions:

In 2014 he was arrested for punching a bulkhead on a British Airways flight and shrieking at the flight crew:

“I am going to fucking kill you!”

Connie plead guilty and got parole.

In January 2015, Conrad violated his parole when he failed a battery of drug tests and the judge ordered him to 90 days in a substance abuse treatment center.

Now out, he ALLEGEDLY failed another test and that’s what lead to a Brock Allen Turner sentence of days in jail.

But I doubt Connie will serve more than 20 minutes — remember Lohan’s 84 minute jail term — and then he’ll be back on the street acting like an entitled drug addicted douchebag … or a Swimmer Who Rapes, a la Brock Allen Turner.

First Johnny and Amber split, and then Hillary swank and … who was she dating? … bit the dust. Now :::gasp::: Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris have gone their separate ways.

At first Team Swifty tried to spin it that she ended things but, yeah, not so fast …

And why did Calvin dump Swifty? Because of her bad language … yup, she began saying the ‘M’ word allowed and the idea of being married to Taylor Swift sent Calvin running.

A source — and you know it’s one of TayTay’s minions — says:

“A few weeks ago she was talking about marrying him.”

And, again, the idea of being Mister Taylor Swift, and probably being forced to wear a Hello Kitty Tuxedo at the televised wedding where your bride floats toward the altar in a bubble a la Glinda the Good Witch, followed by the pay-per-view Wedding Night was just too much for Calvin.

And who could blame him?

Word has it he’s already invested in a blow-up doll that looks remarkably like Swifty herself.

Remember when Katie Holmes made a ladder of her tear-stained tissues and escaped from the Cruise Compound by hiding out in the trunk of a ’65 Dodge Dart headed East? And remember how Tom Cruise vowed he would never let his little Suri go with Katie?

Well, he did, and now it’s ALLEGED that Tommy hasn’t seen his daughter in three years because … she’s not a Scientologist.

Sources, and it might be Nicki Kidman and Katie Holmes Tweeting from lunch together, say Tom doesn’t want to see Suri because she’s a “nonbeliever.”

In Tom … or the Church.

Just sayin’.

Random Musings

We are in the home stretch to our Sometimes Annual, Sometimes Not, Cinco de Never Celebration at Casa Bob y Carlos.

Limes for the Rice and the Pinto Bean Corn Salad? Check.

Limes for the Chipotle Lime Peanuts? The Bo’s House Special Salsa and Guacamole? Check.

Limes for Margaritas? Double check.

Lemons and Oranges for the Shrimp Ceviche? Check.

Wine? Need a few more bottles …

Beer and Liquor? Check.

Now, it’s just a matter of building ceviche and salsa and guacamole and cooking rice, and heating tamales and sopes and  … and … I best get busy …

Last week I posted about the GOP congressmembers who bullied some of their colleagues into voting down an LGBT-protection clause, and how the Democrats went off on the Republicans for being blatantly anti-LGBT haters.

Well, the congressman who introduced the legislation, openly gay Congressman Sean Patrick Maloney of New York, is not giving up on his anti-discrimination measure to protect LGBT workers.

Tuesday Maloney vowed that he would try and attach his proposal to the energy and water spending bill scheduled to be debated in the House this week and scheduled for a final vote on Thursday.

“There is a majority [in] the House of Representatives right now to oppose discrimination in the workplace [and] … the only way discrimination is going to win is if Kevin McCarthy keeps rigging the votes.” — Congressman Maloney

Let’s hope McCarthy’s fellow Republicans won’t bend to his bullying this time.

I was over the Chewbacca Mom about ten seconds into the video and the fact that now she’s freaking everywhere makes me wanna boycott anything and everything Star Wars.

If you are one of the few who has yet to see it, move on.

A new version of Roots is set to premiere on the History channel next Monday. I am interested, though I often wonder why not just show the original. Sure it’s about forty years old but the story is the same.

That said … Hot Men Alert!

The new Roots stars — clockwise from upper left — Malachi Kirby, Matthew Goode, Jonathan Rhys Meyers and Regé-Jean Page.

Ooh yes; a good story and some eye candy.

It might be just me, but aren't the Avengers and X-Men really just the same movie? And even if they aren’t I have no desire to see either one.

Poor Mark Cuban is conflicted …

A day after offering himself up to be Hillary Clinton’s running mate, Cuban, who calls himself an independent, said he is also open to being [t]Rump’s Veep.

How does that happen?

Why I am in love with Helen Mirren, Reason #13,849:

When 10-year-old Oliver Burton declared that his dying wish was to have afternoon tea with the Queen of England, he never received an invitation to Buckingham Palace.

Luckily, Dame Helen Mirren, who is playing the Queen in The Audience in London’s West End, stepped up to meet Oliver, who has Down’s syndrome and is also battling terminal spine and bone marrow cancer.

Mirren invited Oliver and his family to the Gielgud Theatre to see the show, and then after she met the young man while still in her Queen drag. She sat and had tea and cakes with the boy — “royal” footman served the tea — and then Oliver met Mirren’s corgis. Finally, Helen Mirren knighted Oliver, giving him the title of Sir.

“She stayed in character for the whole thing. Oliver thought she was the real Queen, and well, that’s good enough for us.” — James Browne, Oliver’s father

I didn’t need another reason to love Mirren but I’ll take this one.

The San Diego Gay Men’s Chorus was at the center of a disturbing incident at Petco Park last week when, as they were preparing to sing the national anthem, their singing was replaced by a recording of a woman — reportedly the anthem singer from the night before. No one stopped the recording and when the chorus was led off the field afterward they were taunted with homophobic slurs … “you sing like a girl” … from fans.

Afterward, the chorus wanted answers, specifically about whether it was discriminatory or a hate crime. The Padres' investigation concluded it was a mistake, that DJ ArtForm hit the wrong button and played an old recording, but he was fired anyway:

“Based both on the unintentional mistake that was made, as well as the failure to immediately intervene and correct the situation by those who had oversight, we have terminated our relationship with the third-party contractor who was responsible for the error, and taken disciplinary action against our employee who was responsible for the game production on Saturday.

We once again sincerely apologize to members of the San Diego Gay Men’s Chorus, their families and those who came out to support their pride night performance. The Padres organization is proud of our longstanding commitment to inclusion – within both our sport and our community.

We deeply regret that a mistake on our part has called this into question, but accept full responsibility.” 

But now, the San Diego Gay Men's Chorus has announced that it wants the Padres to rehire the DJ — DJ ArtForm — who had been fired for his role in the anthem mess:

"We applaud the San Diego Padres organization … for its ongoing efforts to make something good come out of unfortunate recent events. We have met with Mr. Dee and he has agreed to meet with and work closely with the LGBT community to bring our communities together with constructive, positive change.

"We also would like to publicly accept the sincere apology of DJ ARTFORM and recognize his support for the LGBT community and equality for all people. We do not wish to see him lose his job with the San Diego Padres and kindly ask the Padres to reinstate him. Everyone deserves a second chance."

And DJ ArtForm has also spoken out, and taken ownership for the mistake, and apologized, adding it was just a mistake and nothing discriminatory against gays:

“I believe we all deserve a second chance."

Here’s hoping the mistake doesn’t ruin jobs and relationships for all involved.

Globes Fashions Made Simple ... Plus, Screaming Hot Oscar Isaac

BEST DRESSED

Helen Mirren … showing all those younger girls how to pull off sexy and chic and glamorous all at the same time. Head to toe, she knows how to dress for these shows.

GREAT

Jennifer Lawrence knows fashion, though sometimes she goes over-the-top. This time she was a cool, calm, collected and perfect Ice Princess On Fire.

VERY GOOD

Julianne Moore was rockin’ the sequins at the Globes, looking every inch a glamorous star. Totally covered up, totally sexy.

GOOD

Lady Gaga dragged her Inner Marilyn onto the carpet, though she gave it a kind of Morticia Adams edge to the whole thing.

OKAY … I’M FEELIN’ IT

Usually the comics tend to get it wrong—I’m looking at Tina Fey and Kristen Wiig from years past—but Amy Schumer looked cool and sophisticated and not-at-all try hard.

THIS SHOCKED ME

JLo usually brings out the ass or the legs or the bazongas, but this year — except for the Jolie Leg — she kept herself covered up and worked it. She might have scored higher, but that face she makes on the carpets always looked, um, constipated to me.

WTF

Cate Blanchett loves couture, but I’m getting fringy pink skeletal x-ray, or bad curtains in an Old West brothel.

WORST

Katy Perry. When I firsts potted her I thought, Oh look, Lisa Vanderpump is there in an ugly dress. But it was just Katy looking decades older in a Rite Aid Bump-It™ and a too-tight dress. If she was going Old Hollywood, she just stopped at Old.

HOT MAN

Rami Malek looked so put together. He’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but there’s just something about him that gets my moor running … especially in a dark blue tuxedo.

SCORCHING

Oscar Isaac. I can’t with him because he just makes me crazy … crazy hot. I’m usually not a full facial hair guy, but on Oscar it works. Hell, on Oscar, anything works.