I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

That wacky Tara Reid. After last week’s post about her begging Nicole Kidman to co-star with her in some piece of schlock, she’s now trying to walk back the story.

Now Tara says she doesn’t “think” she pitched Nicole Kidman a job on Instagram. I think Tara should have stopped after saying, “I don’t think.” But now she’s crawled out from whatever fog she lives in to tell the “Access All Areas” radio show that she isn’t completely sure she was the one who left the message:

“I don’t think I did, because I think I’m not the only one who controls my Instagram. So, there’s a couple of people [who] do it. Do you know what I mean?”

Yeah, I’ve heard that, but I think you’d know what you posted and what your minion, AKA  the homeless guy who lives next door to the Starbucks dumpster on Highlands posted. But then Reid goes on to say that she isn’t sure she’s heard from Kidman yet:

“I haven’t read anything yet on private messages, so I don’t think so. So who knows?”

Oh honey, we all know.

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When last we heard about Erika [Jayne] Girardi’s split from 81-year-old husband Tom Girardi, we were told make it was a fake divorce to hide assets Tom was embezzling from a lawsuit, and how badly Erika needs all the coins she can grab because she’s expen$ive.

And it gets messier. The 49-year-old member of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills filed for divorce  a month ago, she and Tom have no children and there is no pre-nup. There were rumors of affairs, living separate lives, and major financial problems that stemmed from Tom’s many lawsuits, and then this:

Tom responded to Erika’s divorce filing a couple of weeks ago and requested to terminate the court’s ability to award spousal support to Erika and he demanded that she pay his attorney fees! Erika had requested spousal support in her original November 2nd filing, and also asked that the courts block Tom from requesting spousal support from her.

From her? What does she have exactly, other than some hooker heels, tons of hideous wigs and the most atrocious ALLEGEDLY couture wardrobe ever seen?

I am so ready for the next season of RHoBh because last season Erika, who shares little of her personal life on the show, was obsessed with getting Denise Richards to reveal every intimate detail of her life, including an ALLEGED with Brandi Glanville. 

Karma is a bitch, Erika, so let’s see how much you share of prenups and cheating and embezzling.

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Wendy Williams continues to make friends everywhere, with her latest target being living legend, Dionne Warwick. While talking about Warwick on her show, Wendy brought up an old marijuana charge against Dionne and said she thought Warwick might still be lighting up; Dionne then took to Twitter to demand that Wendy keep her name out of her mouth, but you know Williams.

She went back on TV and claims that Warwick hates her, but called her “a beautiful woman”, saying:

“She doesn’t like me though, I know she doesn’t like me. She’s been here. She’s a friend to the show. She’s a friend to the show ’cause she has something to promote and we’re the social influencers and she’s smart … But, once she gets off the show, you know she’s probably like, “Bitch.” It’s okay, Ms. Warwick, it’s okay.”

First off, Wendy, she’s one of many people who don’t like you; now, back to snark: Wendy claimed it’s Dionne’s niece, Brittani, who comes up with Dionne’s Tweets, and then suggested she does so because Dionne gets so high that she can’t work the social media. And that’s when she reminded everyone of that 2002 arrest where Dionne was caught with weed:

“I totally believe that she is doing her own tweeting, but I think that Brittani is her right hand. After Aunt Dionne does what she wants, after midnight, maybe after some bud… Well, you remember a few years ago, Aunt Dionne was stopped at the Miami airport trying to get back to Jersey and … TSA stopped Aunt Dionne and opened up a lipstick tube and found four, excuse me, 11 pre-rolled joints. Oh yeah … she’s still [smoking weed]. After midnight, a little bud, a little Chardonnay.”

Odd that Wendy, who has publicly had her own years and years of substance abuse issues, would sink that low. Well, not odd at all, because that’s Wendy Williams: low.

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Now, before y’all think I’ve lost my mind, this story is true: Saved By The Bell’s Mario Lopez will be playing … wait for it … Colonel Sanders, of KFC fame, in a movie for Lifetime.

I know! Luckily, it’s a 15-minute holiday romance murder movie called A Recipe for Seduction that centers around Colonel Harland Sanders as the main love interest in what they call a “Lifetime Original Mini-Movie Presented by Kentucky Fried Chicken.” The official synopsis on Lifetime’s website says:

“As the holidays near, an heiress [played by Bosch alum Justene Alpert] contends with the affections of a suitor handpicked by her mother. When the handsome chef arrives with his secret recipe and a dream, he sets in motion a series of events that unravel the mother’s plans.”

Secret recipe and a dream? Get ready for a slew of Finger Lickin’ Good jokes when the movie “premieres” December 13^th … at noon.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Tara Reid, best known for global phenomenon Sharknado, baring her breast on a chilly red carpet and not knowing it was out, and a series of drunk in public encounters, really has chutzpah. She recently reached out to a fellow celebrity on social media to ask them to appear in a film with her. And who did the amazingly talented and utterly, unfairly Oscar snubbed Reid want to be her co-star?

Nicole Kidman. Oscar winner Nicole Kidman.

Reid reached out to Kidman on her Instagram page to, ahem, ask Kidman to join Reid in her next film project, Masha’s Mushroom, a psychological thriller about a drugged-filled child’s birthday party.

Seriously. Reid saw a photo of Kidman lounging on a terrace in NYC saying how much she loves the city, and commented:

“You are truly amazing in everything you do. I’ve b en [sic] a huge fan forever. Hopefully one day we can work together soon. I’m producing a movie Masha’s Mushroom it staring [sic] Vivica Fox, Billy Zane, Beverly Deangelo [sic], myself Tara Reid, Sade and others it truly an amazing script. I would love for you to read it. Shoreline and Universal are doing it. It’s a franchise of 5 films. If you follow me so I can tell you more. Kindly, Tara.”

I don’t know if I’m more stunned that Tara-effing-Reid thinks Nicole-effing-Kidman would accept a film role via Instagram, or that Tara Reid can’t string together a few simple sentences.

And ending with a beg for an Instagram follow? Oh Tara, just when I thought you couldn’t sink lower, you found the hatch to the subbasement, moved down there, and then found that hideous wig.

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Last summer Kelly Clarkson filed for divorce from Brandon Blackstock and, at first, it seemed like another victim of the pandemic. But then came rumors that Blackstock might be a cheater, and Kelly wasn’t having it. But, whether it was Kelly’s wholesome image, or her jobs as talk-show host or Voice coach, or maybe the fact that the rumors weren’t true, the gossip died away.

This week, though, it turned a little ugly after an LA court gave Kelly primary physical custody of their two children, saying she’s the one providing emotional and financial  stability,  and noted that Kelly and Brandon are having “co-parenting problems” at the moment.

But now it looks like Or Brandon is having “coins problems.” He is now is seeking spousal and child support from Kelly even though, in court, Kelly offered to pay all of the children’s expenses. But Blackstock wants $135,000 in child support and $301,000 in spousal support per month. That adds up to $5.2M per year. Oh, and he also wants all his legal fees paid by Kelly which amounts to over $2M because he needs seven attorneys to represent him.

All this may be because Kelly was given primary custody, while Blackstock wanted the children to go “back and forth” from Los Angeles to Montana—where he lives—but the court found that the children “have not resided in Montana” and said Blackstock must travel to L.A. to see the children at Clarkson’s home for “visitation and parenting time.”

And then came the coin beg.

Let’s see, who to side with: America’s sweetheart who has always and only wanted to protect her children. Or Blackstock, who didn’t get custody, won’t have to pay a dime in child support, but uses his kids for coins.

Yeah.

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A few weeks ago, we learned that Erika “Erika Jayne” Girardi and her husband, Tom Girardi—Albert Finney played him in Erin Brockovich—were divorcing. There was reportedly no prenup, but Erika asked the court for spousal support. At the time there were conspiracy theories that the divorce was related to Tom’s many lawsuits—fraud, theft, scamming—but the story seemed to go nowhere; until now.

This week both Erika and Tom are being sued by Edelson PC, a class action firm, on behalf of Boeing plane crash victims. The lawsuit ALLEGES that the Girardi’s divorce is a sham, and that the couple is actually embezzling settlement funds meant for the families of the victims who were killed in the 2018 Lion Air Flight 610 crash.

Yeah, this is gonna get ugly.

The suit ALLEGES that Tom’s law firm, Girardi Keese, is in financial ruin, but he needs a lot of coins to fund the outrageous lifestyle he and Erika Jayne live for, and why Erika Jayne, from out-of-nowhere, filed for divorce. See, if the Girardi’s “divorce,” their collective marital assets may be protected from a lawsuit his firm is facing; a faux-divorce protects the couple’s coins from those that seek to collect on debts owed by Tom’s firm.

The lawsuit also claims that this isn’t the first time Girardi has kept money meant for clients to himself to ALLEGEDLY fund “his and Erika’s lavish lifestyle, and Erika Jayne has bragged about spending $40,000 a month to look like a siliconed, Botoxed, be-wigged and be-weaved singer. She even released a single about how, ahem, XXPEN$IVE it is to be her.

Wow, stealing money from the families of victims of a plane crash and then fake divorcing so you can hide the coins is a special kind of vile.

ALLEGEDLY.

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In Vogue’s December issue, Harry Styles was the first male to be on the cover solo,  did the cover  by himself, and in the photo shoot, he donned some skirts and dresses, and this caused one rightwingnut loon, Candace Owens, to go nuts. A man in a dress? Owens shrieked all over social media and any “news” outlet that gave her to air, to declare that we need to bring back “manly men.”

I don’t know why Style’s dress-wearing freaked her out. I mean, has she never seen King Louis VIX, Billy Porter, David Bowie, and Richard Simmons before?

Styles either didn’t hear Owens’ comments, or didn’t care, because he was one of the few people who didn’t come for Candance … until now. He not only posted that photo up top on social media, with the caption, ‘bringing back manly men,’ but also said:

“To not wear [something] because it’s females’ clothing, you shut out a whole world of great clothes. And I think what’s exciting about right now is you can wear what you like. It doesn’t have to be X or Y. Those lines are becoming more and more blurred.”

And that’s how you combat ignorance. You don’t sink to that level, you rise above it and stand your ground. And you offer np ex[planation for that suggestive banana pose.

Bravo sir.

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I love when celebrities say dumb stuff and expect the public to just believe them. And I’m lookin’ at you, JLo.

Jennifer Lopez, who you just know spends millions to look like she isn’t aging, has decided to release a beauty line so you can look like a woman who spends millions on dermatology and skincare experts.

While promoting her new skincare line, JLo claims she has never had Botox and never will because she’s “not that person”:

“I haven’t ever had Botox to this day. I’m not that person. I don’t have anything against people doing that; it’s just not my thing. I’m more about a natural approach to skincare.”

JLo and natural? A fifty-year-old woman without one single frown line or laugh line?

Bitch, please.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Y’all know that the talk show hosts have been doing their shows from home these days, right? Well, one talk show host, the chic and stunning and impeccably mannered Wendy Williams is pissed at all of them.

In a recent interview with CNN—sinking low—Wendy shared some of her deepest nonsensical thoughts about how she’s managing to cope so beautifully as a remote entertainer … which is odd given she’s not even remotely entertaining. Still, Wendy had some doubts about doing her show hot mess from home because she calls it her ‘scared space,’ but when other hosts began doing the show-from-home thing she wasn’t happy with how their homes looked:

“Looking disgusting. I’m just saying.”

Wendy goes one step further by saying she’s better at this ‘from home’ stuff because she spent years on the radio; now, to be fair, she has a face made for radio.

“If it wasn’t for radio, I could not do this quarantine thing from home properly. I’ve so enjoyed this 11, going on 12, years of doing the talk show with the studio and hundreds of people and clapping…”

Hundreds of people? Counting is hard.

“I’ve so enjoyed that, but it is much easier for me as a host to be here at home, with no audience, because it’s always been about description. You know, I’ve been a radio host longer than I’ve been a TV host, so yes, right. Thank God for radio.”

Yes, because the less people see you, the better. Now, here’s another thought, trying doing a Silent Movie style radio show. I think that works for all of us. I’m just saying.

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It’s a One-Percent world and the rest of us are just trying to hang on.

David and Victoria Beckham are ALLEGEDLY worth $500 million dollars, but even the wealthiest of us need government assistance … right before we spend $20 million on a luxury Miami penthouse.

It seems that millionaire fashion “designer” Victoria Beckham asked for a British government handout during the pandemic to help furlough the employees of her fashion brand, and then plunked down $20 million on a new home.

Yup, Victoria’s fashion brand took $185,000 in government assistance over the span of two months to assist in paying her employees while she then wrote a check for $20 million. Like I said, it’s a One-Percent world. Still, to be fair, when word broke that Vicki went on the dole and then bought a penthouse, she declared she’d stop taking government assistance.

How big of her.

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Speaking of self-entitled media whores … Khloe Kardastrophe.

Despite the fact that toilet paper is one of the most scarce commodities in the pandemic, Khloe-Seeking-Attention, and her nephew Mason Disick, decided to TP Kourtney Kardastrophe’s house and then filmed it and put it all over social media because, again, it’s a One Percent world—though in this case I mean people whose brains only fire 1% of the time.

Here are some people responding to the stupidity that is all things Kardastrophe:

“Not that you care, @khloekardashian & @kourtneykardash, but my family had to use McDonald’s napkins for toilet paper last month. Congrats on being worthy of so much more than the rest of us that you didn’t think twice before posting your TP ‘prank’”

“khloe kardashian deciding to teepee kourtneys house with rolls of toilet paper just shows obnoxious & selfish rich people are even during a pandemic”

“Stores are limiting 1 pack of toilet paper per customer (when there’s any in stock). Meanwhile Khloe Kardashian is TPing her sister’s mansion”

Talk about self-entitled media whores out of touch. Better yet, don’t.

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As you all definitely know, presidential candidate Joe Biden has been accused of sexual assault by former Senate aide Tara Reade and, while some people get Tara Reade-with-an-E-at -the-end confused with aging starlet, former bad girl—pre-Lohan—and Shaknado “star” Tara Reid, Tara-no-E-at-the-end is out to capitalize on it.

Yes, capitalize on a sexual assault allegation.

Tara Reid is suing this mess to do speaking engagements, according to literary … did I spell that right … i-l-l-i-t-e-r-a-t-e … yes, talent manager, Philippe Ashfield:

“Tara Reid is set for motivational speaking on female empowerment and equal pay for women in Hollywood, after all she has been judged for being beautiful, blonde and female for many years before the #MeToo movement happened… Tara is set to make a major comeback in the next 12 months.”

Um, Tara Reid has been judged mostly for being an out-of-control wannabe and has-been who spent more time in the gutter than anyone—except Lohan—and whose biggest claim to fame is the time the straps on her slip dress slid off on a red carper, exposing her much-siliconed breast to the elements and she had no idea because … silicone.

Like that’s a TED talk I need.

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We all know that in recent months Ellen DeGeneres has been dragged across social media for claiming that isolating in any one of her mansions was like being in jail and for perhaps not being near as nice as she claims and screwing her TV  crew and staff during the quarantine, leaving them unpaid and uncertain if they’d have a job when this is over.

Well, foot stomp, head snap, Ellen does not like the criticism. A source—possibly Portia—says:

“Ellen is at the end of her rope. She thought this was all just sour grapes from a few haters. But it’s not a passing thing—the hits just keep coming.”

Look, I like Ellen, but she has shown herself to be out-of-touch and a bit self-entitled and a tad bit greedy these last few months. And while her quarantine shows are performing well in the ratings, I think she’ll be doing damage control for some time.

Like, perhaps, starting with an apology …?

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I’m sorry, I know they’re both adults, but that photo is all kinds of creepy. That troll doll on the right is 33-year-old …who seriously looks older … Mary-Kate Olsen, and the old guy is her, she hopes, soon-to-be ex-husband Olivier Sarkozy.

The lovebirds separated recently, and MKO—it’s too much to write her full name—wanted an emergency divorce filing granted after Olivier terminated the lease on their Gramercy Park apartment because she felt forced out with nowhere to go.

Sidenote: there are tons of bridges in New York were trolls can live.

But this darn virus has ruined MKO’s plans because her emergency order request  has been deemed “not essential” and with the courts in NYC closed, well, let’s just say the bridges are looking like a nice alternative.

MKO’s demand was rejected last month by Manhattan Supreme Court Justice Michael Katz because the “essential matter procedure” was not followed. Oops, a One-Percenter didn’t follow the rules? The only odd thing about that is that the One-Percenter was then treated like an everyday normal person.

But here’s what gets me … MKO wants the emergency filing because Olivier sold their apartment and she has nowhere to live and nowhere to put her things.

Seriously, a rich troll can’t get a U Haul and some POD storage lockers?

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I’d say this is shocking but … why lie.

Apparently, Nicholas cage’s wife of four days, Erika Koike, is going after his coins. After 96 hours of marriage, Koike has become accustomed to a certain lifestyle and now needs his money to maintain it. And even though Cage has filed for an annulment she is seeking spousal support.

Cage has been married three times before—Alice Kim, Lisa Marie Presley, Patricia Arquette—and had been dating Erika for one year when he decided the fourth time would be The One until, four days in, he decided it wasn’t and asked for an annulment. But Erika wasn’t going to let all her hard work of dating Cage for a year and being his wife for four days go to waste, so she speed-dialed her lawyer to sue for coins.

And then it gets more cluttered … Cage says in his annulment documents that he “reacted on impulse and without the ability to recognize or understand the full impact of his actions” –even though it was his fourth time at the altar—and claimed that Erika was shady and the marriage was based on “fraud”. Erika then countered Cage’s claims saying he reached out to her 12 days after he filed for an annulment because he wanted to start again “in the right way” and thus their relationship could not be a fraud, except … now Erika wants out, as long as she gets coins.

Look, the only thing I know about this is that Cage is a moron, and Koike is clearly a gold-digger! They sound perfect for each other.

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Oh Oprah, go make a sandwich.

Once again Winfrey is trying to pass herself off as ‘one of the people’—even though she is a multi-billionaire—by complaining about the price of avocados. But, unlike ‘one of us’ who would simply stop making guacamole, bloated Oprah opted to buy an avocado orchard instead.

Yes, avocadoes are expensive so I’m buying an orchard. She thinks that’s the solution to overpriced produce.

Seriously. Perhaps she should eat some fish, or drink some coffee, or have blueberries, or turmeric, or broccoli, or pumpkin seeds, all considered brain food before she goes off the rails about buying an avocado orchard.

One of the people her fat ass.

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Guard your umbrellas, Crazy Britney Spears may be back.

Now, here’s the tea …in January, Brit Brit announced that she was dropping her latest Las Vegas residency Domination before it even started because her father, and conservator, Jamie suffered a ruptured colon and she wanted to care for him. Then … ALLEGEDLY … Jamie Spears’ condition worsened, and the stress was so bad that Brit voluntarily checked herself into a 30-day mental health program. 

BUT, now some folks say that Britney is being held against her will in that mental institution and that Jamie put her there in January after she stopped taking her meds. Jamie, at first, threatened to pull Domination and use his sickness as the excuse, and then, when Brit continued skipping her dosages, he cancelled the show. A few days later, the paparazzi snapped her driving—something she is not allowed to do—so Jamie had her committed.

Naturally, as happened when celebrities go off the rails, there are conflicting stories. While Britney is in a mental health facility she is not being held against her will. Apparently everything ALLEGEDLY went south because Brit got a new team of lawyers and doctors to help her and her meds situation was a mess; add to that, people are saying Jamie began giving Brit more and more freedom and they were worried she “could’ve died” so Daddy Spears decided to put her in treatment, and use his illness as an excuse.

No one knows when Brit will get out, but, while she is not being held against her will, Britney did not really want to go to rehab … 

... and now Amy Winehouse is playing in my head.

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A few months back, “actress” Tara Reid sued the producers of Sharknado because they used her likeness in other promotional ventures. She was asking $100 million in damages for profiting off her image. But now, quietly Reid has dropped the suit.

Reid claimed the producers behind Sharknado, Asylum Entertainment and SYFY Media Productions used her likeness for different ventures, including a Sharknado slot machine, and that $100 million would be the sum she needed to recover from the trauma. But then last week, without warning, Reid filed court papers saying she’s dropping all claims and will dismiss her entire lawsuit.

I guess she was a’scurred that a judge would look her in the face and laugh out loud at the notion that she thought her likeness was worth $100 million.

More like a roll of pennies.

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Best parents ever, Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannulli, pleaded not guilty to using $500,000 to ALLEGEDLY bribe their moderately intelligent daughters’ way into USC but now may change their pleas so that prosecutors won’t come after their totally innocent girls.

Totally innocent. Lori and Mossimo will do anything they can to keep their daughters safe from, ahem, “malicious prosecution” even though we now know that Lori and Mossimo’s plan was to paint their younger daughter as a crew coxswain for the L.A. Marina Club team, and that they provided an “action shot” of the girl on the ‘erg’—or rowing machine.

Trouble is, the daughter posed on the machine and we’re to believe that she had no idea why her parents took her to the yacht club, put her in a uniform, and asked her to pose on a piece of equipment?

Not today Satan. This all means that dim-bulb Olivia Jade either fully knew about this plan, or she took a picture for her parents on a random rowing machine one day because … Instagram?

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I Ain't One To Gossip, But ...

Oh, Les Moonves! Again.

Cybill Shepherd has revealed that she too had been propositioned by disgraced former CBS bigwig, serial sexual predator, Les Moonves. She says:

“He was, well, he was telling me his wife didn't turn him on, some mistress didn't turn him on, and ... he says, 'Well, you know, why don't you let me take you home?' I said, 'No, I've got a ride.' And I had my car outside with a good friend of mine who is an off-duty LAPD officer."

Cybil said ‘No,’ and "quite shortly afterward," her show, Cybill, which was rather popular, was abruptly canceled; the show ended with a cliffhanger and the words "To be continued..." 

I guess that’s now and I, for one, hope Les Moonves gets everything he deserves and more.

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How is it that I’ve never heard this story?

Courtney Love has just been granted a restraining order against her one-time manager Sam Lutfi.  Both she and Lufti are being sued by her daughter Francis Bean’s ex-husband Isaiah Silva who claims that Courtney, Sam, and some actor named Ross Butler, along with two others, conspired to break into his house, beat him up, sexually batter him, and eventually murder him in order to steal his guitar.

To be fair, this mob of ALLEGED miscreants were only able to complete part of their mission; they did not murder Silva, but now Courtney is coming for Lufti, claiming he has been “unrelentingly” harassing her and her family. She asked for a restraining to protect herself, her sister and her daughter, so Lutfi is not allowed within 100 yards of any them.

Apparently, this all stems from the criminal acts of Love and Lufti, with Lufti claiming Love never paid her for services—breaking, entering, battery, sexual assault—that he rendered; and so, he has been harassing her with emails, texts and phone calls … for payment for a crime they committed.

Seriously, I wanna see this one on Judge Judy.

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Blister Palin is back in the news, on reality TV again because she knows no other way to make some coins to pay for all those babies she’s having. And so, she’s been appearing on MTV’s Teen Mom, though, saddest of all, Blister is far from a teen, but hey, coins are coins, and this trailer ain’t gonna pay for itself; Blister is getting some $250,000 to sell herself and her kids.

But now Blister has taken issue with how she’s being portrayed on a TV show about teen moms and has taken to Instagram to whine like her mama about how she works hard, loves her kids, Democrats are bad, and her mama isn’t some drunken wannabe sitting on a porch in Alaska looking at Russia …or something:

“If I cared what people thought of me, I wouldn’t be here today - let’s be real. I’ve stood strong and held it down for my kids since day one. No matter how bad @teenmom tries to portray my “life” ..... my babies, my family, my close friends - they know the TRUTH. I’m a pretty great mom, work my ass off, show up, and hustle everyday to give my kids a pretty great life. @mtv doesn’t want to talk about faith, show work ethic, or juggling three kids alone, they don’t want to show the humble process of starting over after a divorce, building a career, or any real life issues. All they want with my little segment each week is some fake fill-in Farrah Abraham/Jerry Springer BS, and it’s simply not true. Don’t get me wrong - I’ve said some mean things and learned a lot the last several months - but the life I’ve built for my kids is NOT sitting around talking about baby daddy drama. Every week is a continued disappointment with their inaccuracies and false narratives. I hate getting all emo on you guys but I’ve kept quiet for too long about it. Don’t believe everything you see on TV.”

Sounds like a long rant for a woman who has made most of her coins by selling herself, and those kids, to any reality show that will have her, but says she doesn’t care what people think about her. Clearly, the idiot apple doesn’t fall far from the Dumbass Tree.

Seriously, Blister, if it’s all too much, get a job off TV and see if you can support your kids.

Failing that, simply STFU.

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Tara Reid, who is to acting what Blister Palin is to motherhood and reality TV, is suing the Sharknado franchise producers—Asylum Entertainment and SYFY Media Productions—for unlawfully using her image and she wants, wait for it, $100 million.

For her image … on the side of a slot machine.

Reid claims that in “Performer Engagement Agreement” for Sharknado 5—there were four more before that—there was a clause stating that “in no event shall Performer’s likeness be used for any merchandising in association with alcohol, tobacco, gambling, hygiene, or sexual products without Performer’s prior written approval.”

No beer cans, no tampons, no dildoes, no slot machines! Ever!

As to why she’s suing for $100 million, Reid’s lawyers at Jacoby & Meyers explain:

“As such, the actions of the Defendants were malicious and oppressive and justify an award of punitive and exemplary damages in an amount sufficiently large to set a public example of deterrence, and in an amount no less than 100 million.”

Reid must be loopy as hell to think her likeness on anything is worth $100,000,000.

That’s a lot of zeroes for a zero.

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Former NBC News hack Megyn Kelly is still haggling with the network over how the rest of her contract, meaning her coins, is going to play out.

Kelly wants the money now, all of it, while NBC News wants to cash her out in installments so she won’t violate any nondisclosure agreements.

Really? What could Kelly possibly say? That NBC hires pseudo-racist, or at least racially insensitive news hosts? Or hosts who like to sexually harass women?

We already know that! But here’s the best part: Kelly says she wants all the coins now because “her phone is blowing up” and she is still deciding which network/hosting job to do following her departure from NBC.

Perhaps she’ll go back to Fox where she’ll fit in nicely.

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Now, let’s end with a good story … one of my favorite actors, Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

As you may know, last year Louis-Dreyfus announced she had cancer, and her treatments were far worse than she ever let on. And, as is the state of journalism these days, the paparazzi were clamoring to get a photograph of Cancer Julia looking sick and haggard because, well, pigs, but Julia outsmarted them and really took back the power and control by posting her own pictures to social media:

“There were people with long lenses trying to get pictures of me looking ill, and I think I kind of burst the bubble on a lot of it because of my social-media presence.”

And not one of them made any coins on those pictures, which makes me love the story, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus, even more.

She’s real, and she’s spectacular.

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It's Snarkurday!

They’ve been together nearly fifty years, but a breakup can still be ugly and can still inspire a lawsuit.

Indeed, the Rumours—see what I did there? —are true, Fleetwood Mac guitarist Lindsey Buckingham is suing the band, claiming that they booted him from the group for no reason and then replaced him with Mike Campbell of the Heartbreakers and Neil Finn from Crowded House.

Lindsey claims Stevie Nicks started hating on him after he smirked while she was giving a speech at a MusiCares benefit, while Stevie says Lindsey got the boot for wanting to postpone their tour while the others were ready to roll … rock and roll:

“We were supposed to go into rehearsal in June and he wanted to put it off until next November… That’s a long time…. As soon as I finish one thing, I dive back into another. Why would we stop? We don’t want to stop playing music. We don’t have anything else to do. This is what we do.”

Either way, Lindsey and his people have filed suit for “breach of fiduciary duty, breach of oral contract and intentional interference with prospective economic advantage” and claim Lindsey was let go without warning and is entitled to money. The complaint also says that because there was no written contract between the band, no one can get fired “without cause”. Lindsey tops off his complaint by attaching some receipts to the end of it in the form of an email sent to Mick Fleetwood on February 28 where he tried to deal with the drama:

“In the month since MusiCares I’ve tried to speak to both you and Stevie, to no avail … I’ve only gotten radio silence this whole time … All of this breaks my heart … After 43 years and the finish line so clearly in sight, it’s hard to escape the conclusion that for the five of us to splinter apart now would be the wrong thing … At the moment, the band’s heart and soul has been diminished. But our center, which had seen us through so much, is only laying dormant.”

Wow. Is it about cash, or a smirk, or is Lindsey crushed the band got back together without him and that it took two people to do his job?

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Now, this is how a breakup after five months goes … last week Pete Davidson had his neck tattoo for Ariana Grande—a pair of bunny ears inspired by her Dangerous Woman album getup—changed into a heart.

Yes, folks, it’s over between Davidson and Grande and, oh who cares. This whole relationship seemed made for Instagram and Twitter and social Media and special Pete Davidson comedy segments on SNL, as well as Ariana’s new tunes.

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Former White House staffer, and pot stirrer extraordinaire, Omarosa is still trying to sell her book by detonating some more bombs about _____ and his White House Hot Mess band of miscreants and losers. But, since we all know what a d-i-saster this administration is Omarosa has no more stories to sell tell sell, so she’s moved onto the creepy relationship between _____ and his daughter-wife Ivanka:

“He would kiss her on the lips. He would rub her for a very long period of time. It was awkward.”

Even better is the ALLEGATION that Ivanka adores being known as, not Mrs. Jared Kushner, but Daddy’s Little Girl and she often introduced _____ to people as … I may vomit …

“My daddy.”

But Omarosa also threw shade at Mr. Daddy’s Little Girl, saying:

“[Jared] is that guy in the room who thinks he’s the smartest guy in the room. He has absolutely no idea of what is going on. He doesn’t know how stupid he sounds when he’s talking at those meetings.”

Still, he must know, as we all know now, that he sounds like a cartoon squirrel, right?

The only one who goes unscathed is Melanie, who’s probably thrilled about the kisses and touches Daddy and Daddy’s Little Girl share, because it means that orange mushroom dick ain’t coming near her.

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Tara Reid may not be able to book any acting jobs, but she can steal the show aboard a Delta Airlines flight like the best of them.

Things got off to a rocky start for Tara aboard her Delta Flight 613 from LAX to NYC right from the jump off when she loudly complained about being given the wrong seat … She likes to sit close to the bar cart, you know … but things turned hideous when the flight attendants did not fulfill Read’s request for a pillow. And when they tried to diffuse the situation with shiny objects and little bottles of booze, and got nowhere, the pilot turned the plane around, and went back to the gate for a “customer service issue”. 

The issue, of course, was Tara, who got off the plane to the biggest ovation she’s ever heard.

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Say it isn’t so, even though the idea of Idris Elba in tights sends sparks through my loins.

Is Idris Elba actually in talks for a role in the upcoming film adaptation of :::gasp::: Cats? If so, he’ll be joining Sir Ian McKellen as either Old Deuteronomy or Gus: The Theater Cat and Jennifer Hudson as Grizabella: The Glamor Cat. Okay, there’s some talent there so maybe Idris Feline Elba will be good but … but …BUT … both Taylor Swift and James Corden have been cast as well.

Say it ain’t so Idris! I mean, wear tights and prance around like a cat, but do it in my dreams like you used to, and not in a movie.

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Lastly, Gwyneth Paltrow. I know, she’s horrible, but apparently we aren’t the only ones who know. Gwyneth’s dad, Bruce, was also well aware of what a shrew his child was is, because, as Goop tells it, he told her so:

“I was just believing my own hype, thinking that I was super-awesome. And [my dad] was like, ‘You’re getting weird—you’re acting like a dick.’”

Daddy was right; and she proves it again by talking about giving up acting …thank the goddess for that one … and how she doesn’t miss it at all:

“It’s so weird. It was such a part of my identity for so long … I went out to LA for a couple of days, and I actually didn’t hate it. But I just don’t miss it. The level and breadth of creativity that I have in this job is so bananas, and I’m very fulfilled.”

Um, not to call you a liar, again, Gwynnie, but it was just last month … last effing month … that you talked about your home being in LA and how your two kids Jedediah and Mango go to school in LA and your consciously uncoupled ex, Chris Martin, bought a home in LA to be close to his kids and how your new husband Brad Falchuk lives and works full-time in LA.

Sheesh, this woman wouldn’t know the truth if it came silkscreened on a $1,500 Goop T.

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