Happy July 4th!!

On this, America's 250th birthday, keep on marching and fighting and speaking up and demanding that the government go back to working Of and By and For The People.

Take America back from the criminal regime and all it's lapdogs  by voting all of them out.

The Funny Papers

Gary Huck, Lalo Alcaraz, Trevor Irvin, Robert Unell, Rick McKee, Pedro X Molina, Max Espinoza, Nick Anderson, Ed Wexler, Jack Ohman, Macleod, Mike Stanfill, Michael de Adder, Marc Murphy, Scott Stantis,

Ain't That America XLIII

Here we are with the 43rd edition of Ain’t That America. I never thought it would last this long, but I do feel an end in sight … an end to wars for profit from the “Peace” President … an end to the grift  … to the gold-leafing of America … and end to the goose-stepping GOP … a rise in voting … a rise in Democrats stepping up and speaking up and doing the work of We The People … so let’s go:

Senate Republicans are seeking reassurances from the Regime on guardrails for Cankles $1.8 billion Reparations For Traitors fund to compensate people who attacked the Capitol because they were butt-hurt Cankles lost, was a loser, did not win, failed etc.

Playacting Attorney General, and Cankles’ Bitch, Todd Blanche met with Senate Republicans and it turned into a shriek-fest refused demands that the most violent Capitol rioters be barred from getting payouts.

Yes, he refused demands to pay off the most violent rioters.

 

As a presidential candidate, Cankles painted his opponents as trigger-happy interventionists who would get the US bogged down in forever wars, up to and including World War III.

And since we know every Cankles Accusation Is An Admission™ Cankles has racked up a list of countries he’s both threatened to attack and actually attacked and this week added Oman to the list because he doesn’t know where it is or what to call the people of Oman—seriously he threatened Oman if it tries to control the Strait of Hormuz along with Iran.

Oman is at least the 15th country that he has either threatened to attack, left open the possibility of attacking, or actually attacked during his two terms as Draft-Dodging-Warmonger-In-Chief.

 

Not for the first time, clearly suffering from dementia or being the dumbest human in the world, Cankles once again confused Iran with Venezuela again:

“I don’t go into war, I go into conflict… Despite the conflict with Venezuela who no longer has a navy, no longer has an air force, no longer has a lot of people that were leading the country into very bad places. Their leadership is gone. Their second is gone. We’re dealing with half of their third as half of their third is gone too.”

Demented and stupid.

Vice President JD CouchFucker Vance was mocked by, well, nearly everyone in the world, when he said during a speech on the economy:

“If you want to rebuild the American Dream for the next generation, vote against the crazy leadership in Washington, D.C.”

Finally the truth from someone in the regime.

 

The day the “Freedom 250” concert series was announced, rapper Young MC announced he was backing out of the government-sponsored partisan festival taking place on the National Lawn in Washington, D.C.. His exit followed Morris Day‘s statement that he and the Time didn’t have the, um, er, time to perform either.

Meanwhile, C+C Music Factory frontman Freedom Williams posted a profanity-laced message in saying they would also back out of the show after learning about Cankles Trump involvement but then he backtracked and said C+C Music Factory might go ahead with the gig after all, to show he was impervious to the backlash and because no one knows who C+C Music Factory is and they need the coins.

Last week Bret Michaels and Martina McBride withdrew from the line-up leaving just C+C Music Factory, Vanilla Ice, Milli Vanilli’s Fab Morvan,  Flo Rida and Kid Rock.

Sounds like a Who’s Who of Who’s That?

PS You cannot make this shiz up, but after so many people backed out of The Cankles Shit Show™ Cankles himself has announced he will headline the event.

 

Cankles is once again bragging about the latest rounds of tests he’s undergone at Walter Reed Military Medical Center:

“Unlike other U.S. Presidents, none of whom have ever taken an approved, high difficulty, Cognitive Test, I scored a perfect 30 out of 30, considered ‘extreme intelligence’ … In fact, this is my fourth such test, all PERFECT or, 120 correct answers out of 120 questions asked! It is very rare that anyone gets a Perfect Score, especially when achieved four times in a row.”

It’s also rare that anyone needs to take four cognitive tests in one year unless there’s something wrong … like they’re a demented fuckwit, perhaps?

Utah GOP Senator and Certified Lunatic™ Mike Lee left critics dumbfounded after posting on X that James Talarico, the Democratic nominee for Senate from Texas, would engage in religious child sacrifice:

“James Talarico will put you first… On the altar to Moloch.”

A reference to the ancient figure of Moloch mentioned in the Hebrew Bible and associated with child sacrifice.

Seriously.

 

South Carolina Senator and the reigning Miss Corn Hole, Lindsey Graham, one of the biggest war hawks in Congress, stopped by Fox News’ Hannity to discuss Cankles’ vow that any agreement to end the war should include a requirement for Middle Eastern countries—including Saudi Arabia and Qatar—to join the Abraham Accords, a treaty Cankles helped broker during his first term to normalize relations between Arab countries and Israel:

“If he can pull this off, if he can get Saudi Arabia—the center of Islam for the entire world—to recognize the Jewish state of Israel, he will have ended the Arab-Israeli conflict that’s been going on for thousands of years. They should change the Nobel Prize to the [Cankles] Prize.”

I believe he went on to also say they should redesign the Peace Prize to look like Cankles’ anus so Miss Lindsey could come by the White House and kiss it every day.

 

In an April 11 Truth Social post, Cankles wrote:

“The United States has completely destroyed Iran’s Military, including their entire Navy and Air Force, and everything else. Their Leadership is DEAD!”

This week he claimed:

“Their Navy is totally gone ... Their Air Force is totally gone ... Their military, we’ve sort of left it alone—because we think that their military is somewhat moderate. They have other people that aren’t moderate. We’ve taken them out. We’ve taking different forms of leadership out. We’ve actually left their military alone. People would be surprised to hear that. Because mistakes have been made in wars where you wipe out everybody and then you have a country that for 40 years can never rebuild.”

Again, the dementia is real.

James Talarico, the Democratic nominee for US Senate in Texas, raised more than $3 million in the first 24 hours after Texas AG and Criminal Ken Paxton emerged as his Republican opponent:

“Texans are uniting behind our campaign to defeat (Paxton) and the broken, corrupt political system he embodies.”

Good work Texas, now get out there and Vote Blue.

 

Gavin Newsom vowed to tax any payouts that California residents receive from that $1.8 billion Reparations For Traitors fund that Cankles created:

“Anyone from California that receives any of those funds, we want to tax 100% of those proceeds.”

Newsom’s pledge mirrors legislation unveiled in New York by Democrat Alex Bores, state assembly member and House candidate, that would also assess a 100% tax against payouts from the fund.

 

Last week US District Judge Christopher Cooper ordered that Cankles name be scraped off the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts and granted Democrat Representative Joyce Beatty’s request for a preliminary injunction to block Cankles from closing the institution.

The judge ordered Kennedy Center officials to scrape off Cankles’ name within two weeks.

Former Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg is leading in new polling on a hypothetical Democratic presidential primary. A new Emerson College Polling survey puts Buttigieg at the top of the pack with 18% followed by California Governor Gavin Newsom at 165; AOC has 11% support, while Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro and former Vice President Kamala Harris are at 10% each.

 Sure it’s early but it’s already an impressive field compared to alleged GOP choices JD "CouchFucker" Vance and Marco "Where Am I" Rubio.

The No Kings Movement has announced a nationwide event for June 14 directly counter-programming Cankles Dementia celebrations and a Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) bout on the south lawn of the newly named White Trash House.

The centerpiece is a 90-minute concert at New York’s Town Hall featuring entertainer Bette Midler, songwriter Patti Smith, actor Jane Fonda, musician Rufus Wainwright and commentator Joy Reid – streaming free nationwide, while local groups host watch parties across the country.

The event is co-presented by the Committee for the First Amendment, a coalition of artists and cultural figures, and frames the US’s 250th anniversary as a moment of democratic reckoning. 

Get out and march and resist and cast a goddamned vote.

Ain't That America XLII

Another week down, another week of Cankles working to enrich the billionaire class, and himself, while telling We The People he doesn’t care about our financial situations … or Florida calling surrogacy a form of slavery especially when used by same-sex couples … Cankles wanting to send the military into polling places … with a few laughs courtesy the Cankles Gold Phone and US Ambassador to Greece, Kimberly “Big Mac Lips” Guilfoyle opening a McDonald’s  … lunacy from the mouth of a CouchFucker and the Oklahoma GOP … so let’s dig in …

While the Cankles Regime spent billions on immigration enforcement and mass deportations, the Criminal-In-Chief invested in Palantir Technologies, a company contracted with immigration enforcement agencies.

In early 2026, Palantir struck a billion-dollar deal with DHS to use the company’s software in the deportation surge. Palantir also has a contract surpassing a billion dollars with the Pentagon to develop AI systems that help orchestrate attacks.

This is the grift.

 

Also grift is the 30 billionaire CEOs Cankles flew with him to China. He had no intention of making like better for We The People, he used the trip to enrich the only part of his base that he gives a fuck about.

 

Florida Attorney General James Uthmeier is attempting to strip legal parentage from families who conceive children using a genetic donor, launching an attack on one same-sex couple that has sweeping ramifications for thousands more—including heterosexual and adoptive parents—by arguing that Florida’s surrogacy contract language violates the 13th Amendment’s prohibition on slavery, and, more sweepingly, that the state constitution bars biological parents from transferring parental rights at all.

This is hate, plain and simple.

 

Tennessee GOP House Speaker Cameron Sexton has barred all 24 House Democrats from standing committees and subcommittees for participating in a protest during a special session on redistricting.

The two-and-a-half-hour session ended with a vote to redraw congressional maps, which ultimately demolished a majority-Black voting district.

They are limiting the vote of people of color, so how do you spell racism? GOP.

 

In the wake of the Supreme Court’s recent decision on gerrymandering, Louisiana GOP Governor Jeff Landry suspended the state’s primary elections, even though tens of thousands of votes had already been cast and now he intends to toss those votes.

That is the clear definition of GOP voter suppression.

 

The numbers are bearing out what many lawmakers feared: Americans can’t afford health insurance through the federal marketplaces without boosted subsidies which congressional Republicans declined to extend in December.

You know, cuz they were giving tax breaks to billionaires and couldn’t be bothered about healthcare for their constituents.

 

Cankles says he won’t rule out deploying troops or federal agents to the polls during the upcoming midterm elections, saying he wants to have honest elections.

Accomplished only by sending soldiers to the polls.

Keep in mind that nearly every single election in this country has been honest except for the one Cankles lost and that’s why he’s having this hissy fit and working to suppress the vote.

 

Cankles' handpicked contractor was charging $1.8 million to paint the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool blue but the cost has jumped to $13.1 million. 

Cankles is quite the businessman, awarding a firm on a no-bid contract then letting them change the costs by $12 million.

The grift continues.

 

Hunter Rivera, the 24-year-old chairman of the Weld County Republican Party, was one of two men arrested on suspicion of trying to buy sex from Larimer County Sheriff’s Office investigators who posed as minors as part of an operation targeting child predators. 

Every single day it looks like the GOP protects pedophiles because so many of them are pedophiles.

The $499 Cankles smart-phone has sparked fresh scrutiny after a new rendering shows the device retaining its gaudy gold exterior but replacing a previously advertised triangular camera layout with a straight row of lenses on the back.

More striking, the flag design itself has been altered: while the American flag has 13 stripes representing the original colonies, the new renderings show the flag with just 11 stripes in one video clip and just 9 in another.

The phone also looks very much like a Chinese-made handset available at Walmart for $127.99—roughly the same price as the $100 deposit customers paid a year ago for the  gold phone they have yet to receive.

Grift.

 

Kimberly Guilfoyle, Junior’s former side-piece and current US ambassador to Greece, gushed over her ribbon-cutting in Athens last week … for a new McDonald’s:

“An exciting day for Greece! It was my honor to participate in the ribbon cutting for a brand-new McDonald’s at The Mall in Athens, the most technologically advanced McDonald’s in all of Europe! American businesses investing here create jobs and bring American culture—and delicious food—to the Greek people.”

Opening a McDonald’s.

 

Little Mike Johnson had a meltdown on Fox News about "mini-Mamdanis" popping up everywhere and then accidentally told the whole country exactly why Republicans are about to get crushed:

"Mini-Mamdanis ... [are] avowed to socialist Marxist ideology. This is something we have never seen before in American history. This is about moving away from a constitutional republic to a communist utopian ideology. And that's a dangerous thing for the future of the country."

No, Mikey, it's about moving toward an ideology that gets things done for the people, not the oligarchs. And these "mini-Mamdanis" are gaining traction ... Graham Platner in Maine ... Brian Poindexter in Pennsylvania ... Abdul El-Sayed in Michigan ... running on Mamdani-style platforms and scaring the hell out of Republicans and corporate.

Mamdani inherited a $12 billion deficit from the corrupt Eric Adams administration and erased it without slashing public services, or raising taxes on working New Yorkers; he's investing $122 million to hire 1,000 new teachers and turned the blocks in front of 50 NYC public schools into car-free "Soccer Streets" so kids can play in celebration of the World Cup.

And now Little Mike Johnson is running scared because of Democratic Socialists taking over from his party of Nationalist Christians AKA Nat-C’s.

Virginia GOP Representative Jen Kiggans is facing calls to resign after expressing agreement with a radio host’s remarks that Democrat House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries get “his cotton-picking hands off of Virginia” and then adding:

“That’s right. Ditto. Yes. Yes, to that.”

Now she says she never agreed with the radio host.

Again, the not every GOPer is racist but nearly all racists identify as Republican.

Oklahoma Republicans are saying banning child marriage is “government interference,” but banning abortion is not.

Make them make sense.

 

JD “Couchfucker” Vance spoke at the National Peace Officers’ Memorial Service this week and uttered this line:

“So long as [Cankles] is the president, and so long as I am the vice president, we will never again let policy makers in the building behind us allow violent criminals to tee off on our police officers.”

Um, JD? You moronic tool? Wasn’t it your party that did nothing before, during, and after, Cankles sent a mob to the Capitol and those MAGAts attacked and killed police officers?

Stay in your lane, traitor.

 

Texas GOP Senator John Cornyn introduced legislation to name US Highway 287 in honor of [Cankles]. The I-47 Future Interstate Act would rename the roughly 1,800-mile corridor, which runs from Port Arthur, Texas, to Choteau, Montana, as the [Cankles] Interstate.

No surprise that Cornyn is doing this since he’s up for reelection and needs the help of a con artist so he’s sucking orange mushroom dick to save his ass.

 

Cankles shared a Truth Social post this week calling for the arrest of Barack Obama, accusing the former president of treason, without evidence.

Sounds about white cuz Cankles knows he will never be as smart as Obama, or as respected as Obama, and will go down in history as the worst president ever while Obama sits at the top of that list.

 

Then, regular as clockwork, Louisiana  GOP Senator John Kennedy, AKA Foghorn Leghorn, says Barack Obama stole $120 million that he ALLEGEDLY earned through ownership of Obamacare.

Once again, please remember, every GOP accusation is an admission because it was a completely made-up and nonsensical ‘quote’ that originated with a ‘satire’ website.

Once again, the GOP is made up of idiots.

 

This just in ... Flori-duh GOP Representative Byron Donalds, a Black man, claims it’s the Democrats who “systematically discriminated against” Black Americans in the South which was why we needed the 1965 Voting Rights Act.

Now, he says that “if you look at the last 30 years in America, there is no systematic discrimination [and so] no racial gerrymandering today.”

Then, Byron, explain why Tennessee and Louisiana and Alabama are gerrymandering districts to reduce Black representation in government.

Seriously, the stupid …

 

Cankles told Fox News that he was “seriously considering making Venezuela the 51st state” after abducting the country’s president Nicolas Maduro because, ahem, “Venezuela loves [him].”

But there are just two reasons he made this statement:

1] He’s a rapist and child molester trying to deflect from the Epstein scandal, and

B] He’s a grifter trying to steal that oil profit for himself.

Facts.

 

GOP Wyoming Representative Harriet Hageman is one of the most vocal critic of the Southern Poverty Law Center and has steadfastly tried to tie the organization to ... well, let her say it:

“The Aryan Nation, the Nazis, and the KKK are not far-right organizations. Those are far-left organizations, and they always have been. The KKK was created and started by the Democrats in the United States to prevent blacks from being able to participate in the political arena, if you will. So, I’m going to say they’ve never been associated with the right, they’ve always been associated with the left.”

Which is explains why everywhere you go Democrats are dressing as Nazis and the Klan and wave Confederate flags.

Seriously, Wyoming, you voted out Liz Cheney for this?

Hawaii just became the first state in the entire country to end Citizen’s United; a bold move that will put elections back in the hands of We The People and not the billionaire class.

If we want to save our Democracy we need to do this in every state.

 

The Cultural Landscape Foundation and its founder, Charles Birnbaum sued over Cankles’ Trump’s Reflecting Pool project, arguing the renovation at the National Mall violates environmental and preservation laws and the blue paint coating is “altering the historic character” of the Reflecting Pool without authority.

Well, let’s be fair, he’s doing it for the money.

And how do we end this bull shiz plaguing America? Well …

Ain't That America XLI

His ego inflates with talk of ballrooms and arches and god statues while his approval rates drop lower than his IQ. His minions circle the globe to say stupid things and he keeps taking dementia tests.

Oy, what a week …

This week the Gang of Six Racist and Stupid Supreme Court Justices dismantled the Voting Rights Act, actually saying that the racial gap in voter turnout has closed.

Which explains why many states in the South are now trying to redraw their Congressional maps to make everything all-white. As soon as the ruling came down Tennessee’s GOP-controlled legislature redrew the congressional district of Memphis, which has long enjoyed its own Democratic-leaning House seat and split it into three GOP-leaning districts.

If you don’t think this is a racist attempt to keep Black Americans from being represented in government, answer me this: would you choose to be Black in America today knowing what’s happening?

 

The British energy giant Shell reported robust profits following the surge in oil prices prompted by the Cankles war with Iran. Shell’s adjusted profits soared 24%, to $6.92 billion, in the first three months of the year from the same time last year.

Well, Big Oil and billionaires are certainly being paid handsomely by the war while the rest of America suffers. If only there was a way to stop this bull shiz …

 

Last October the Cankles Regime abruptly stopped paying third-parties for medical care provided to detainees in ICEstapo custody; third-party providers are used to provide “medically necessary” care including “dialysis, prenatal care, oncology, [and] chemotherapy” but no more of that for detainees; they can suffer and die, I guess.

 

Senate Republicans want to provide the Secret Service with $1 billion for “security adjustments and upgrades” related to the construction of Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Ballroom™.

Yes, it was supposed to be built and funded without taxpayer money and now the GOP wants YOU to pony up your share of a billion dollars for a ballroom no one other than the Pedophile In Chief wants.

 

The Department of Education opened an investigation into Smith College, an all-women’s institution in Massachusetts, for admitting transgender women.

The move is the latest by the Cankles Regime—whose rhetoric has frequently included attacks on trans people—to limit, and more likely end, transgender rights in America.

Ten years after celebrating his caucus victory at the Iowa State Fair, GOP Nutbag and Senator Rafael Cruz returned to Des Moines fueling chatter about a potential 2028 presidential bid. Cruz told the audience that the GOP is “winning historic victories” under Cankles’ second administration but failed to name one.

He also made no note of the fact that not only do Democrats despise him, so does the majority of the GOP so his little trip to Des Moines was a waste of time.

He should have gone to Cancun again.

 

Transportation Secretary and reality show “star” Sean Duffy blamed to collapse of Spirit airlines on both President Biden and former Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg.

But Sean? Moron? How do you explain that you opposed bailing out Spirit Airlines saying there is no need for a federal bailout of any low-cost airline.

Sounds like another GOP liar.

 

The current US Senator from South Carolina, and former Miss Cotton Ball Queen 1924, Miss Lindsey Graham wants to arm the Iranian people to fight the Iranian government:

“I love the idea of empowering the Iranian people with weapons, a Second Amendment solution to make the Revolutionary Guard’s life hell. It’s one thing to be bombed by America. It’s another thing to have your neighbor shoot back at you because they’re tired of being slaughtered.”

Siddown, Sassy, and pour yourself another Mint Julep you ignorant fuck.

 

Health and Human Services Secretary, heroin addict and collector of raccoon penises Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is demanding hospitals stop serving sugary drinks and foods, including Jell-O.

Calley Means, one of Kennedy’s top lapdogs, is asking members of the public to report hospitals for their Jell-O usage because that’s so important … not the measles or the hantavirus.

It’s Jell-O.

 

Real estate magnate Steve Roth is standing strong with fellow billionaire Ken Griffin in his spat with New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani for suggesting billionaires should pay their fair share in taxes; Roth thinks the ultra-rich should be “praised and thanked” and also said this:

“I consider the phrase tax the rich … when spit out with anger and contempt by politicians both here and across the country, to be just as hateful as some disgusting racial slurs.”

Tax the rich is the new N-word, y’all.

 

This week Secretary of State Marco Rubio made the following statement about Iran:

“This is an international waterway; no country can control them. There is no international law that allows you to say, I’m going to put mines in an international body of water, and I’m going to blow up ships that don’t listen to us and try to go through. We cannot live in a world where a rogue state like this Iranian regime is allowed to claim, as a new normal, control over an international shipping lane.”

He’s right … but then since September last year, the US military has conducted 47 strikes on civilian marine vessels travelling in the Caribbean Sea and eastern Pacific Ocean, leading to over 190 deaths.

Maybe you should zip it, Little Marco.

A towering, gold-leaf statue of Cankles’ was unveiled with great fanfare at Cankles’ National Doral golf course, in a dedication ceremony that included a prayer from a MAGAt pastor even though Alan Cottrill, the artist behind the statue, called the whole thing a “clusterfuck”:

“I usually deal with people that have everything organized. From the start, this was chaos … and almost never, anytime whatsoever, does anyone miss a payment.”

That wasn’t the case with the 22-foot statue as demands to nix his vagina neck, AKA turkey neck, requests to make the model look, um, not so fat, and late payments soured Cottrill on the deal.

And when it went up his minions circled round and prayed while God was watched.

She was not amused at the false god idolatry.

 

Cankles once again went off script to brag once again to brag once again to brag about passing a test meant to detect cognitive decline linked to dementia:

“I’ve taken three. No president, think of this, has ever taken one.”

To be fair no other president has ever needed one, but then Cankles said the best thing ever, that he takes the test whenever someone calls him a moron.

Testing is a 24/7 gig at the Cankles White House.

PS The test he described―the Montreal Cognitive Assessment―is not an intelligence test but an exam to detect the signs of cognitive decline.

Why is he taking it so much? Asking for a country.

Violent crime in New York City remained at historically low levels through April, with the Bronx recording some of the steepest declines and department leaders said they are hoping to build on that progress ahead of the summer, when crime typically spikes as more people gather outdoors.

NYPD Commissioner Jessica Tisch said the crime declines are the result of a policing strategy focused on using data to remove illegal guns from the streets and dismantle violent gangs and criminal groups.

Huh. Removing guns, you say.

 

Americans are deeply uncomfortable with recent religion-related statements by Cankles and DUI Hire Pete Hegseth. In fact, 87% of Americans have a negative view of Cankles’ social media post appearing to depict himself as Jesus and 69% dislike Hegseth praying at the Pentagon for “overwhelming violence of action against those who deserve no mercy.”

When you allow rapists and drunks who cannot quote a favorite Bible verse or refer the Bible According to Pulp Fiction, you’ll have these issues.

 

Days after suspending Louisiana’s US House primaries, GOP Governor Jeff Landry is facing mounting backlash from residents in the form of a recall to remove him from office.

Good. His racist ass needs to be removed.

 

Madison Sheahan, a former top official with the ICEstapo, has lost the Republican primary in Ohio’s 9th district as what some see as a sign of how unpopular ICE has become amid an aggressive immigration crackdown in Cankles’ second term.

Good. Keep all these bigots and racists and criminals out of office.

And how do we do that …

Ain't That America XL

The war in Iran ended this week … and then started up again … and then it was over and then it wasn’t over … and the Strait of Hormuz opened and closed and opened and closed and then opened and closed again … a Slovenian Hooker, married to the most divisive hate-filled pig on Earth, took to the media to whine about a comedian making a joke of her … Oh Melanie, but ya’are a joke, ya’are … the GOP is suddenly all on board for the Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Ballroom™ and suddenly want We The People to pay for that … and the war … and the tariffs and higher gas and higher food prices and less healthcare and childcare … boy, it’s costs us a buttload of money to Make America Great Again, don’t it?

According to Nationalist Christian, AKA Nat-C, Little Mike Johnson, the Secret Service needs to “tighten up” and rethink their security protocols after an ALLEGED assassin stormed a security checkpoint at the recent White House Correspondents’ dinner.

Funny, there was a photo of Little Mike scurrying from the event surrounded by Secret Service.

God sees you lying, Mike, and She’s not happy.

 

In no way to make the shooting seem like another staged event Cankles’ DOJ is not talking about guns and gunmen but is using the ALLEGED assassination attempt to justify building the $400 million Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Ballroom™ and demanding that preservationists drop their lawsuit over the building.

If a ballroom stopped gunmen wouldn’t every school in the country already have one?

Cankles says he views his repeated brushes with violence as a sign of his historic significance:

“I’ve studied assassinations, and I must tell you, the most impactful people, the people that do the most … they’re the ones that they go after and I hate to say I’m honored by that, but I’ve done a lot.”

He said he’s studied??? The man falls asleep and shits his pants during Cabinet meetings.

 

Texas GOP Representative and MAGAt Chip Roy is furious :::: foot stomp neck snap :::: that children in Texas took a poll and were asked what language was spoken in their homes and Spanish was Number 1  … English came in fourth.

Roy, for the record, was raised by a French-speaking mother and learned Spanish at an early age.

 

Former Fox News himbo and current Secretary of Transportation Sean Duffy says that Spirit Airlines suddenly shut down all business over the weekend because of … wait for it, it’s hilarious … Joe Biden:

“There was a proposed merger between JetBlue and Spirit, and Joe Biden and Pete Buttigieg, along with the Biden DOJ, decided that they did not want that merger to take place.”

But Sean, please to explain the fact that Spirit Airlines said they closed their doors because the war in Iran raised the cost of jet fuel so high that they could no longer afford to fly.

 

DINO, Democrat in Name Only, John Fetterman, is again joining hands with the GOP, this time to demand the Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Ballroom™ be built to protect the president from ALLEGED assassination attempts at future White House Correspondents’ Dinners.

Trouble is, Fetterman, the Correspondents’ Dinner is a private event that would not be held on federal property even if there was a ridiculous gold-plated ballroom existed.

 

Cankles was captured falling down to the ground as Secret Service agents ushered him away from the dais after that ALLEGED assassination attempt, but now Cankles says he went down at the urging of Secret Service agents, not because he fell.

“I started walking, and they said, ‘Please go down, please go down on the floor.’”

He also told this story:

“[I started to walk out] a little bent over but the agents said, ‘please go down to the floor, please go down to the floor.”

Funny, cuz Melanie didn’t go to the floor because she wasn’t being paid to lay down on the floor.

 

Cankles wants to rename the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement [ICE] as the National Immigration and Customs Enforcement AKA NICE.

But to be fair, the name ICEstapo works better for the agency that kills Americans in the street and in detention centers.

 

This Just In From The Slovenian Hooker …

“Kimmel’s hateful and violent rhetoric is intended to divide our country. His monologue about my family isn’t comedy—his words are corrosive and deepens the political sickness within America. People like Kimmel shouldn’t have the opportunity to enter our homes each evening to spread hate.”

Odd coming from the woman whose husband celebrated the death of Robert Mueller, and laughed at the murders of Rob and Michele Reiner … the man who said nothing about his own party making jokes about Minnesota Representative Melissa Hortman and her husband Mark, being murdered in their home … the man whose own family joked about the attempted murder of Nancy Pelosi’s husband, Paul … the man who said he wouldn’t care if Joe Biden died …

So, Melanie, shut your fucking mouth and clean up your own house before you play the victim … AGAIN.

 

Both GOP Senator and cult member Mike Lee, and Cankles’ lapdog Pee Wee German’s wife Katie Miller sent out Tweets after the ALLEGED assassination attempt slamming the New York Times for not covering the story. Luckily, Keith Olbermann was there to explain how time works:

“Children: you’re looking at the early editions printed last night at 8 PM. Maybe if you could find an adult … she could explain to you how to tell time.”

The image of the print version of the New York Times shared by Miller and Lee went to press at 8PM and the ALLEGED assassination attempt had not yet happened. On Sunday morning the NYT had the full story on the front page.

Cankles’ shared a series of posts on X including an AI-generated image depicting himself and top officials in the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool.

Clearly, the Cankles in the photo was using AI-generated Ozempic.

 

After that ALLEGED assassin traveled cross-country via Amtrak to stage an ALLEGED assassination attempt, Amtrak announced they are considering allowing people to store guns in lockboxes on most of its trains. Amtrak says they’ve been considering the policy change since early this year, after being pressured by Cankles’ Regime to ease restrictions on transporting weapons and …

Wait, the Cankles Regime asked Amtrak to ease restrictions on transporting weapons just a few months before an ALLEGED assassin used Amtrak to travel cross-country with guns to stage a shooting?

Seriously, you cannot make this shiz up.

Cankles said he’d wear a bulletproof vest in the future in the aftermath of an ALLEGED  third assassination attempt but says it might make him look fat.

Fatter. Fatter. Thought the extra padding around the gut might take some of the glare off the extra thick Depends on the ass.

 

60 Minutes correspondent Norah O’Donnell caught Cankles in a revealing moment while asking about the manifesto of the ALLEGED assassin who stormed the White House Correspondents’ dinner saying that Cole Thomas Allen wrote, “I am no longer willing to permit a pedophile, rapist, and traitor to coat my hands with his crimes.” O’Donnell asked Cankles his reaction, to which he shrieked:

“Well, I was waiting for you to read that because I knew you would, because you’re horrible people. Horrible people. Yeah, he did write that. I’m not a rapist. I didn’t rape anybody.”

That’s when O’Donnell asked:

“Oh, you think—do you think he was referring to you?”

Aaaaaaaand scene!

As the Iran war has pushed the global economy into an oil crisis and gas prices reach a four-year high—I know y’all may have higher prices but a few months ago gas was $2.50 a gallon and now it’s $3.99—Americans’ ratings of the Cankles Regime on several issues are deeply underwater.

Roughly 76%  disapprove of his handling of the cost of living, while 72% disapprove of how he’s handling inflation. Seven in ten Americans think he’s dishonest—where are the 3 in 10 living—while 60% say he does not have the mental sharpness to serve as president.

Best of all, among registered voters, 49% say that they would vote for the Democratic candidate if midterms were held today and 44% say they would vote for the Republican.

Keep all of this in mind and remember: