Why Is It ...

… that when I look back at all the successes and failures in my life I cannot help but be proud that the potty training stuck

… that I wonder what life would be like if I didn’t overthink everything. I think about that all the time.

… that I am an adult the same way a lawn chair is furniture; I mean, it’s technically true but no one’s impressed and I’m not very stable

… that I lovelovelove when my mere presence pisses someone off

… that since gas has gotten so expensive I’ve decided I’m just gonna drink energy drinks and run everywhere

… that some of you have no idea that you aren’t worth the fuck that made you

… that in high school I could eat a Gordita Supreme and a dozen Krispy Kremes at midnight and lose three pounds but these days I go up an entire pant size every time I swallow my spit

… that when confronted with a problem my go-to mantra is, Whatever. Fuck it. I tried. Not worth it.

… that no one understands that I am happy to apologize for being a bitch as soon as they apologize for bringing the bitch out in me

… that I hate when people accuse me of lollygagging when I am quite clearly dilly dallying

Know The Facts and ...

Here's some more information, more facts, of what's happening in this country and what  we want, what we’re getting, and how do we make our needs heard …

Start small … Every Democrat who votes for Jeffries as Speaker deserves a primary in 2028!

Nearly 35 years since measles was eradicated in America Pennsylvania has confirmed two measles-associated deaths; of note is that neither person had received the measles vaccine. One of the deceased was a newborn who contracted the virus before birth; state health officials classified it as a measles-associated death due to positive postmortem test results.

Pennsylvania has reported more than 420 confirmed measles cases across 30 counties this year. Two doses of the MMR [measles, mumps, and rubella] vaccine offer about 97% protection against the virus so people don’t have to start dying from measles again.

Vote Blue to end this anti-vaxxer bull shit and keep people from dying.

A Minneapolis rally organized by Jake Lang—a former GOP candidate for Senate in Florida and January 6 thug who Cankles pardoned—descended into chaos on August 23 when a counter-protester dressed as Spider-Man appeared to punch Lang in the face.

Lang was holding a sign containing an anti-Black racial slur during the rally outside Minneapolis City Hall which was organized in response to the conviction of Shiloh Hendrix, a white woman who was found guilty of disorderly conduct after directing the same slur at an autistic eight-year-old Black boy at a playground in nearby Rochester.

Racists do stick together. So, Lang and his supporters were at City Hall for only a few minutes before the demonstration devolved into violence and they fled the area but video from the event clearly showed a man dressed as Spider-Man, later identified as William Nicholas Love, striking Lang in the face.

Love was among 11 people arrested and has been charged with assault, while Lang was also arrested and charged with inciting a riot.

Lang, who is filled with hatred for nearly everyone, had previously staged anti-immigrant and anti-Muslim protests in Minneapolis, and tried to burn a Pride flag during an anti-LGBTQ+ demonstration and has long been the subject of violent confrontations with counter-protesters.

So there’s that, but there’s this, too:

The Spider-Man footage has since gone viral online and a GoFundMe  for William Nicholas Love’s legal defense has raised almost $90,000 and counting …

Listen up MAGAts …

No matter what he says it’s still the Gulf of Mexico and always will be.

No matter what he says it’s still the John F Kennedy Memorial Center and always will be.

No matter what he says it’s still Lake Ontario and always will be.

No matter what he says it’s still the Department of Defense and always will be.

And lastly, no matter what he says he is still an adjudicated rapist and convicted felon who is in the Epstein Files.

 

In Texas Hood County Constable John Shirley took action last week when he disabled and covered up all three county-owned Flock Safety automated license plate readers. The defiant move came after a unanimous decision by the Hood County Commissioners Court to terminate its contract with the tech company amidst rising citizen pushback and contract performance issues.

In a public statement on social media, Constable Shirley shared photos of the covered devices, telling the surveillance company to ‘come get your garbage out of my county’ and asserting that the protection of everyday privacy must come before indiscriminate data collection.

While law enforcement agencies advocate for Flock Cameras as indispensable tools for locating stolen vehicles, missing persons, and suspects, civil liberties advocates argue they facilitate continuous, warrantless government surveillance.

Big Brother is watching … but not in Hood County thanks to Constable John Shirley.

Pay attention…

You cannot hack a mail-in ballot.

You cannot keep a mail-in ballot in line all day.

You cannot tell a mail-in ballot that the machines aren’t working.

That’s why Cankles’ and the Regime are so desperate to stop mail-in voting.

 

Democrat Alexander Vindman blindsided the GOP after losing his Senate primary to Democratic Socialist Angie Nixon by announcing that he's transferring $250,000 from his war chest to key Democratic races:

“Voters across the country, especially here in Florida, know that nothing is more important than flipping the U.S. Senate. The only way to cut costs for working families, root out corruption in D.C., and finally hold [the Regime] accountable is to deliver a Democratic majority this November. I am proud to invest in Florida and across the country to make sure Democrats win big on Election Day up and down the ballot.”

The money will flow into the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee to boost the campaigns of Senate nominees Charles Booker, Sherrod Brown, Roy Cooper, Abdul El-Sayed, Troy Jackson, Chris Pappas, Mary Peltola, Josh Turek as well as Dan Osborn, who has no formal party affiliation, in Nebraska.

On top of that, Vindman’s defeated campaign has donated an additional $400,000 to the Florida Democratic Party to help win elections across the state, including Angie Nixon's, whom he promised to support.

This is what true patriotism and resistance looks like.

Thank you Alexander Vindman!

 

Nearly 2 out of every 3 hired farm workers in this country were born in Mexico but if they’re taking “our” jobs where are all the American farm workers? Where are all the MAGAts who complained they were losing jobs to Mexican immigrants?

Gary Indiana has been without power for 2 weeks now.

Gary Indiana’s population of 68,000 is 775 Black.

Gary Indiana has eight data centers draining its power grid.

The president has not uttered one word about Gary Indiana.

Pay attention and vote accordingly.

 

There is something deeply funny about billionaires convincing a man making $52K a year that the greatest threat to his freedom is another worker who speaks Spanish and makes $14 an hour.

That immigrant didn’t outsource your job.

That immigrant didn’t buy your hospital.

That immigrant didn’t raise your rent.

That immigrant didn’t eliminate your pension.

You are being pickpocketed while somebody points dramatically at the guy standing next to you.

 

On March 19, 2026, Chinese customs rejected a 22-ton beef shipment from an ArreBeef plant in Argentina after finding it contained Chloramphenicol, a dangerous chemical banned in livestock production since 1995.

And that’s the beef Cankles’ wants Americans eat because he says it will save us money.

 

And if you don’t think your vote matters, think about this:

Your landlord will vote for the party who will help him raise rents.

Your boss will vote so more money goes into his pocket and not yours.

Anti-abortionists who want to take away a woman’s right to choose will vote.

Evangelical Christians who want to use their faith to govern you will vote.

Your racist uncle, brother, neighbor, co-worker will vote.

So CAST A GODDAMNED VOTE!!!

And on a personal note to the people of South Carolina …

If you’re ever feeling like you don’t believe in yourself or can’t achieve your dreams, remember that Darline Graham became a sitting member of Congress while knowing literally zero about anything, and admitting to that, and thinking that one-seventh of the entire population of the US lives in South Carolina.

We can do better than stupid so do the thing in November.

The Funny Papers

Matt Wuerker, Nick Anderson, Pedro X Molina, Trevor Irvin, Michael de Adder, Chris Britt, Lalo Alcaraz, Dennis Goris, Daniel Boris, Rick McKee, Gary Huck, Randy Bish, Mike Luckovich, Marc Murphy, Jesse Duquette

Why Is It ...

… that after I told a co-worker I could tell he was a C-section baby by the way he avoids labor that HR is once again asking to see me.

… that people don’t realize that as you get older you need to care less about how you look in photos and more about how you look in x-rays, scans and test result.

… that from now on I will identify as a rubber band, stretched to my limit, holding everything together but ready to snap

… that we have to pay for trash bags just to throw them out with the trash

… that one of my new favorite games is “Did I take Ibuprofen thirty minutes ago or did I just think about taking it?”

… that kids today cannot write a paper for school without resorting to AI when I was able to write ten pages for school with ever having read the book

… that people wait until New Years Day to cut people out of their lives … I’m like, Happy August 22nd, now get the fuck out!

… that when my therapist asked if my fifteen-year-old self would be proud of me today, I said, “My fifteen-year-old self would be stunned that I’m still alive!”

… that when someone asked if I had a favorite bird I instantly replied Rotisserie Chicken at CostCo

… that when I said, “Maybe I’m just too demanding? Maybe I’m just like my father, too bold? Maybe I’m just like my mother, she’s never satisf—” My therapist shrieked, “Get out.”

Why Is It ...

… that people don’t notice that I prefer hanging out in groups of three because I can go nonverbal and they can entertain each other while I look at a tree or something

… that people don’t seem to get it that me ignoring you is me being nice to you

… that as a child I wanted to be included in everything but as an adult I want y’all to stop asking me to go out

… that my other spirit animal is a racoon … because we have dark rings around our eyes? Or because we like to eat junk food? Because we’re a bit chubby but somewhat cute and possibly rabid? Or because we will fight you for no apparent reason?

… that people need to stop asking me to meet up; half my neighbors don’t even know I exist

… that people don’t realize that my only social skills are laughing when I shouldn’t, telling a joke in an awkward situation,  and saying “You, too” when the server tells me to enjoy my meal

… that adulting means using the phone flashlight more often than I ever thought possible

… that, while it’s actually more, my three dominant personalities are the one who talks to much, the one who doesn’t talk at all, and the one to talks to myself like I’m a full-on podcast.

… that when my boss comes up with a project and looks for volunteers and I shout “Not it,” he is not amused

… that my new diet is a lot of salads, like last night … mostly tomatoes and croutons; well, one big crouton covered in tomato sauce and cheese. It was a pizza, okay? I had a whole pizza

Boycott Taylor Farms ... And Their Aliases

Why Is It ...

… that we have anger management classes but we don’t have stupidity management classes? You can be dumb but I can’t be angry?

… that you need to know that someone, somewhere, right now, is thinking of you and the impact you’ve made on their life, but it isn’t me cuz I think you’re an effing idiot.

… that people don’t understand that I’m not really a “people person,” I am more of a “one human at a time, by appointment only” kind of person ... “no walk-ins allowed.”

… that when my therapist asked what triggers me and I replied, “Nouns,” she didn’t understand until I added, “People, places and things.”

… that I just learned that the serving size for chips is ten; hell, I eat ten chips while trying to decide if I want chips.

… that people are just now learning how good water is for you … you want to lose weight, drink water … you want clear skin, more water … don’t like a person, drown them. Water is amazing.

… that people are all against cigarettes, sugar and booze now but forget who was there for you when your life fell apart; hint: it wasn’t broccoli.

… that people can’t understand why The Wizard of Oz is my all-time favorite movie? I mean, dropping houses on a bitch, making them melt and shiz, I live for that.

… that men don’t test anti-wrinkle creams on their ball sack first? If it gets wrinkles out of that, I’m buying that shiz in bulk.

Why Is It ...

… that instead of writing LOL—I kid,  never write or say LOL—I’m going to start writing SALTS …Smiled A Little Then Stopped.

… that I often wish I could go back in time and leave some people right where I found them.

… that the health-nuts at work told me that I am what I eat but I don’t remember eating anxiety and back pain and rage at coworkers telling me what to eat.

… that I like smiling at people, for no reason, who don’t like me; stay bothered.

… that I have made really bad decisions while drunk, but then I ask myself if the sober ones were any better and the answer is, not so much.

… that it’s my ability to read the room that keeps me staying home.

… that my boss still doesn’t realize I don’t go to work to hustle and grind, but to chit and chat and take time off.

… that when my therapist told me I needed to love myself, I replied, ‘I’m not really my type.’

… that my boss wasn’t happy when I said I needed  a ‘maycation,’ especially when I explained that meant that I may come back or I may not.

… that being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet.

Meme Dump

Why Is It ...

… that I am as swift as a gazelle … an old one … with arthritis … run over by a Land Rover … seven days ago.

… that I am not weird, but I am simply a Limited Edition. Kidding, I’m weird AF.

… that I don’t have a train of thought … I have seven trains on four tracks that narrowly avoid each other when their paths cross and all the conductors are screaming.

… that people need to remember that I have a soft heart and a savage mouth; I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

… that when people disagree with me I generally say, ‘Nice argument, unfortunately, your mama,’ and then I saunter away.

… there is nothing better than hearing friends say, ‘We never see you around.’ I mean, I know, I make sure of it.

… that when people ask me if I run, I say out of patience , money and good decisions.

… that no one realizes I have three basic moods: IDK, IDC, IDGAF and it’s a daily spin-the wheel situation.

… that when I’m drunk I forget I’m shy and I suddenly become the CEO of Chaos, giving life advice to strangers like I’ve got a PhD in bad choices.

… that the idea that someone looked at a purple onion and named it a red red onion really irks me

…. that I seek restraining orders on anyone not wearing deodorant.

Meme Dump