NSFW: Squeaky Clean Balls

Random Musings

First, a little back story that I’ve shared before ... When we lived in Miami Carlos’ boss took his entire staff, and their loved ones, to a Marlins game. When Carlos asked if I wanted to go, I said Yes immediately; I used to go to Giants and Dodgers games at Candlestick Park as a kid with my family and I love being at a baseball game.

Carlos? He’d never seen a game before. 

So, we’re at the game, the Marlins are at back; three outs later the other team—I can’t remember who they were playing—was up and soon enough they were also out.

Carlos stands up and says, “That was a good game,” and starts to leave.

I say, “That was the first inning; there are at least eight more.”

Carlos, “But both sides played.”

Cut to this week, and we’re watching Jeopardy and there is an answer about baseball, and which player gets the win when their team bests the other.

“What is a pitcher?” I ask ... correctly.

Carlos, bless his heart, says, “Is he the one that throws the ball?

Well, someone doesn’t want anyone to know his business ... President-elect _____ has ordered all members of his transition team sign a code of ethics with a pretty significant lobbying ban, but they were also ordered to sign a non-disclosure agreement to make certain they keep all of their work confidential.

Yeah, a _____ White House is gonna be soooo transparent.

Let the impeachment begin ...

Leah Remini, actress and ex-Scientologist, has a new show on A&E about the “religion,” and she’s telling all kinds of secrets and interviewing all kinds of folks who left the cult.

On Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath, she talks about how those who break the rules in the cult, no matter how high up—well, except for the untouchable Little Tommy Cruise—the punishments are severe. One woman, who was in the cult for nearly thirty years, began asking questions and she was sent to a camp where guards stood outside her room in the barracks and guards stood outside the barracks and guards stood near the barbed wire fence surrounding the “camp.” In the camp, these cult-members who disappointed the leadership, AKA David Miscavige, Tommy's BFF, were forced to do manual labor for up to twelve or fourteen hours a day.

Imagine the outrage if, say, the Catholic Church, treated those who chose to leave their faith that way. But the Co$ is all about money and secrecy and lies, so no one knows what goes on in there.

Check out the show on A&E; it’s fascinating.

Okay Gays, and some of you Straights, put down the razors ... but don’t put ‘em down there.

Apparently, people who opt to change their, um, “carpets” for “hardwoods” or “linoleum” at least once in their lifetimes are nearly twice as likely to have had at least one STD. 

“Extreme groomers”—those who shave all their pubic hair off at least 11 times a year—are more than four times as likely to have had an infection. 

So, while you may like a smooth playing surface, apparently it comes with a risk.

So, earlier this week President-elect _____ bashed Boeing on Twitter, declaring the company’s costs “out of control,” and saying the government should cancel an order with the company for two new Air Force One jets. _____ said the costs were over $4 billion which, were that true, would have been out of control, but the costs were roughly $170 million, far less than the _____Lie mentioned.

But also odd, is that the Tweetsplosion by _____ came within an hour after the Chicago Tribune published  a column where Boeing CEO Dennis Muilenburg criticized _____’s trade rhetoric against China.

President-elect _____ also went after United Steelworkers 1999 President Chuck Jones who claims the Twitter-in-Chief-To-Be "lied his ass off" about the terms of the deal to keep Carrier manufacturing jobs in the United States.

Yup, this will be a _____ presidency where he spends all his time Tweeting about the people who are mean to him.

And with so many people worldwide not liking this orange glob of Play-Doh—emphasis on the Doh—he’ll be spending all his time Tweeting. And that might actually be a good thing because he’ll never get any real work done.

Bishop Daniel Obinim, a homophobic preacher in Ghana, says he can, um, increase the size of a man’s penis using a ‘massage ritual’.Yes, the homophobe places his hands on a man’s crotch and rubs it vigorously to make the penis grow—though oddly, once his rubbing ritual stops, the penis goes back to its original size.

He thinks it’s magic ... and he also thinks he’s not the biggest queer of ‘em all.

Here he is, at, um, work:

Chris Evans is hot ... and political ... and has a good sense of humor because he obviously doesn’t live in Dumbfuckistan.

So sorry Pat.

North Carolina Governor Pat McCrory has conceded to Attorney General Roy Cooper in the state’s gubernatorial race.

Finally, we can consider him #Flushed

I found it especially ironic that President-elect _____ had another SNL Tweetsplosion after the show aired a skit about how much he Tweets.

The man doesn’t get it.

Remember last year when greedy motherf**king asshat Martin Shkreli bought Turing Pharmaceuticals and almost immediately increased the price of Daraprim—used to treat certain types of malaria as well as toxoplasmosis, a rare and life-threatening infection—from $13.50 a tablet to $750.00 a tablet?

Well, a group students in Australia, ages 16 and 17, tried to recreate the drug molecule in their school laboratory and they succeeded, making the drug for just $2.00 a pill.

On Twitter Shkreli dismissed the student’s achievement:

“How is that showing anyone up? Almost any drug can be made at small scale for a low price."

One student, Leonard Milan, took Shkreli down by saying:

“If you follow his overpriced method using toxic chemicals in an industrial lab it’s easy, but the fact that we were able to substitute some really toxic gasses with simple school-available chemicals and do it so cheaply demonstrates the absurdity of some of his justifications for the price. “I think Martin is an attention-seeking businessman, the way he responds to every Twitter post made threatening him, bragging about how he can do whatever he wants reflects this.”

Douche.

Yes, this is a Tweet from me, but it makes me giggle every time I see so I chose it for this weeks’ win.

Sue me, I’m funny.

Sweaty Balls? Have I Got The Thing For You!

Gentlemen, I ask you, how many times have you been enjoying a lovely meal with your partner, spouse, husband, boyfriend, and even, for some of you, girlfriend, and felt the trickle of sweat in your, ahem, nether regions.

I’m talking sweaty balls, fellas. And don’t be shy. At one time or another we’ve all been subject to a high level of moisture, unwanted moisture, at an inappropriate time, down there. So, rest easy men, there’s a solution for you ….

Nadkins. Handi-wipes for your nads … testicles … sweaty balls.

Nadkins were launched last week as a freshening wet wipes for the male genitals, specifically the testicles, and they are akin to another aptly named product marketed towards women called, and this is seriously no joke, Google it ,,, Healthy Hoohoo.

Nadkins are a luxurious quick-fix for the guy who needs a little midday upkeep session but is just too darn busy to stop off at home and shower. And, the wipes are 100 percent natural and non-toxic … thank the goddess for that because, man oh man, the burning … and use a mixture of fancy ingredients like aloe vera, vitamin E and grapefruit essence to keep things pleasant down south.

Not to brag, but I’ve often been told I have grapefruit-sized  balls and now they can smell like it, too.

You can buy a 10-pack for $12.50, three 10-packs for the bargain price of $30 or a subscription for $11.50 available on Nadkins.com today! And, if you don't believe it, the company's mission statement is:

If they're happy, you're happy.

Just think, no more sweaty balls. It really is a New Day.

Details