I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Apparently actress and director Olivia Wilde has zero fucks to give and has implemented a strict No Assholes policy on the set of her movies, including her most recent directorial outing, “Don’t Worry Darling.”

That story came to light last September when word broke that Shia LaBeouf had been replaced by Harry Styles due to a scheduling conflict, when in fact Wilde fired him because, well, asshole:

“The no assholes policy, it puts everybody on the same level,” Wilde concluded. “I also noticed as an actress for years how the hierarchy of the set separated the actors from the crew in this very strange way that serves no one…I think actors would actually like to know more about what’s happening there when you’re pulling my focus? What is that lens change? But the idea of, don’t bother the actors and keep them separate, and don’t look at them. I think it makes everyone quite anxious.”

And so she removed “asshole” LaBeouf’s from “Don’t Worry Darling” and replaced him with Harry Styles, except … rumor also has it that Harry Styles is responsible for the breakup last fall of Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis, so maybe she has a “no asshole, replace with my new trick” policy?

photo 1   photo 2

It looks like Kim Kardastrophe West and Kanye Kardastrophe West‘s “separate lives” nonsense has taken another teeny-weeny baby step towards divorce as reports have come out that the two no longer even speak to each other.

Oh.The.Terror.

It was a few weeks back when we learned that KK was no longer wearing her ring, and now we learned that Kanye just moved 500 pairs of shoes out of their Calabasas mansion.

Oh.The.Humanity.

photo

I’ll start off by saying that I have a wee crush on Adam Driver—seriously, who don’t I have a crush on—though he’s not what you might call classically handsome; he just has something. So, this story piqued my interest.

Driver has been in the gossip columns this week because he was accused of assaulting 73-year-old Lidia Franco, his co-start in Terry Gilliam’s The Man Who Killed Don Quixote. Franco about her experience on set in a recent interview that was conducted in Portuguese and ALLEGEDLY the English translation of her quotes caused lots of confusion on social media.

In the initial interview, Franco seemingly accused Adam Driver of attacking her with a chair, and also claimed that extras and crew members were ordered not to look at him or even be around him when they weren’t filming. Both Gilliam and the production company have said none of these stories are true, and now, ALLEGEDLY, the rumors are being blamed on bad translations.

In a statement, Franco now says she was never assaulted by Driver, and that he never threw a chair at her, but, in a scene they filmed together:

“Our characters … had to be physically close. I considered the actor’s [she can’t even say his name?] behavior to be rude because, in the preparation of a scene, he didn’t take the care I believe he should have taken … and every time he stood up with the force of the character to do the rest of the scene, the chair in which he was sitting would bump into me with some force, which bothered me.”

Now, she claims that in the original interview she was just venting, though somehow she turned a bump into an assault.

I looked up the Portuguese translation for ‘Karen.’

It’s Karen.

photo 1  photo 2

Meanwhile, on the Armie Hammer front … while he has remained fairly quiet after several women came forward and accused of all kinds of physical and sexual abuse, and perhaps even cannibalism, The Daily Mail  was given messages and audio of Armie whining about how he’s being “kink shamed” by the internet and how women are now offering up their body parts for him to eat.

The Daily Mail says that a woman, who wished to remain anonymous, claims she started talking to Armie in December on Instagram. Armie shared all of his fantasies with her and tried to get her to join in. And then came all these allegations and Armie ALLEGEDLY cried and whined to this female friend that he was being “kink shamed.” Oh, and he bragged that he’s been getting lots and lots of offers from “girls who said I can eat pieces of them.”

But wait there’s more. Armie sent voice notes to this woman where he says:

“I wanna hear about each orgasm. I want you to tell me how it felt like. How strong it was. How long it lasted. Those are mine, don’t forget, so you have to tell me everything.”

The ick factor rises like bile in my throat.

On the upside, I recently rewatched Jagged Edge with Glenn Close and Jeff Bridges and I realized how much like Jeff Bridges in the 80s reminds me of my former flame, Armie. So, when I hear more sickening tales of Armie’s perversions I will simply think of Jeff Bridges from 1987.

Crisis averted!

photo 1  photo 2

It's Snarkurday!

I love romance; that first glimpse; the first time you speak; that first date; that first kiss, the first “time” and the first private detective you hire to follow your lover.

Oh, that’s not me, it’s, as Carlos calls her, Jell-O, or JLo.

Last month, JLo’s relationship with A-Rod was hit hard when The National Enquirer claimed that he was cheating on her with a fitness model. And that’s when JLo hired a private detective to get to the bottom of it and because, as a source says, she’s “really into him.”

Trouble is, A-Rod found out and, yeah, he’s not happy; the couple had a huge fight, though they’re trying to mend their relationship for the public.

Still, how did A-Rod find out? Was it that he saw a big Bloodhound wearing Sherlock’s hat and looking at him through a magnifying glass that gave it away? I mean, maybe JLo went on the cheap for her PI; and you’d think after Casper she’d know better than that.

[photo]

Well, they say that everything you put out on social media stays out there, even if you try and delete it.

The same can be said for actual handwritten letters, like the one Madonna wrote years back to a friend—named ‘J’—where she bashed Whitney Houston and Sharon Stone as “horribly mediocre.”

And believe you me, Madonna knows all about horribly mediocre ... she’s made a career of it. But, back to the letter ... which says:

“It’s so unequivocally frustrating to read that Whitney Houston has the music career I wish I had and Sharon Stone has the film career I’ll never have. Not because I want to be these women — because I’d rather die, but they’re so horribly mediocre and they’re always being held up as paragons of virtue [or] some sort of measuring stick to humiliate me.”

She wanted Whitney’s drug habit and Stone’s vagina on movie screens? What then?

The letter is up for auction and might fetch as much as $5,000.

Seriously. 5K to read a letter proving Madonna’s an insecure idiot? There, I gave it to you for free!

[photo]

The “fashion” label for Kendall and Kylie Jenner—the youngest idiots in that family—announced that it has sold just two of the “vintage” T-shirts with late rapper Tupac Shakur‘s image on them before pulling them from stores.

The Kendall + Kylie brand released that statement because they’re being sued for copyright infringement by Michael Miller, a commercial photographer who shot the image of Tupac that the Jenner Morons stole.

How lovely to hear them admit that they sold just two shirts after splashing themselves all over social media in them.

[photo]

So, are Jay-Z and Yeezy beefin’? Does anybody really care? Well, if you do, here’s this:

It’s no secret to anyone who does care that Jay and Kanye have been on the outs for a while ... like right after Kanye took up with porn star Kim Kardastrophe.

See, Jay and Bey don’t like Kim—which is the only thing I like about Jay and Bey. Now, they don’t hate her, they just don’t want her anywhere near them. So, while some folks are saying the Jay-Z-Yeezy beef is about Tidal, or a loan from one to the other, can sit down; it’s Kim.

Jay-Z is still so pissed about fighting with Kanye West that he addressed it on the opening track of his new album “4:44” ... some nine months after West ranted about Jay-Z and wife Beyoncé onstage before checking himself into the hospital for “crazy.

It appears Kanye’s rant was really about Kim and Beyoncé not being friends and Kanye being upset about that. He feels that since he and Jay-Z do business together why shouldn’t their wives be friends?

Now, folks say that this, too, shall pass ... but don’t hold your breath for Kim and Beyoncé to do lunch or anything.

Unless they can Tweet it, Instagram it, Snapchat it, and get more likes than the other one.

It’s about tacky reality star versus media hungry hair whipper and lip sync’er ... it’s about crazy rapper and cheating rapper.

[photo]

Never ask Shia LaBeouf to hold your beer for you because he can’t even hold his own liquor.

See what I did there?

Okay ... Shia’s currently filming The Peanut Butter Falcon in Savannah, Georgia, where he was taken into custody at 4 AM last Saturday morning for disorderly conduct, obstruction and public drunkenness.

Trifecta!

Shia posted bond, which was $3,5000, and is already back in the bars but let’s read what he said to police officers who tried to arrest him that night:

“Take these cuffs off. I’m a f**king American, I pay my taxes. Get these sh*ts off my f**king arms … You’re going to put these sh*ts off my arms or you’ll be f**king f**ked.”

Shia began an Apology Tour, not after the arrest, but after video of his drunken, profanity-laced arrest hit the Internet. And I doubt that will be the last time that happens.

[photo]

Ben Affleck has a new girlfriend, SNL producer Lindsay Shookus ... or does he?

Is she that new? Maybe not, because it appears that Ben and Lindsay ... Bindsey? Afflookus? ... have ALLEGEDLY been boning while he was dating, and married, to Jennifer Garner ... and while Shookus was married to fellow SNL producer Kevin Miller.

Yummy. The STD Pool is open!

Sources say Ben and Lindsay have known each other for a while and in 2013, they got into some double home wrecking messiness when they started banging each other in NYC hotel rooms, or sexting each other constantly.

Sources—and it’s likely to be Garner—say both Jennifer and Kevin found out about the affair in 2015 and were both “devastated.” That was the same year Ben and Jennifer, Lindsay and Kevin, “officially” broke up.

And here we all thought his jump-off was The Nanny.

[photo]

A month ago, an extremely awkward and random celebrity interaction happened after Kesha tried to hug Jerry Seinfeld and he ran away in disgust. We’ve heard Jerry’s side of things ... he had no idea what a Kesha was and why she was coming for him ... and now it’s Kasha’s turn to, well, whine, saying she was “a little hug traumatized” by Seinfeld:

“I felt like I was five years old. I instantly was like, ‘Oh, fuck me.’ And I like somehow ended up in my very own episode, mini episode of Seinfeld for like five seconds. ... That’s fine. But I just was like, as soon as he didn’t hug me, I was like, ‘Oh, this is gonna be everywhere.’ I should have known better. I’ve seen the hugging episode. That was my fault.”

Kesha now claims Jerry’s hug refusal has nearly cost her the ability to hug at all until she played a festival with Bob Dylan, who gave her “the most wonderful, healing Bob Dylan hug.”

Thank god for that because I was about to start a GoFundMe page so Kesha could fight her Hug Disorder.

[photo]

So, now that Jennifer Garner is spilling the tea ... ALLEGEDLY ... about Ben Affleck’s year’s long infidelity with SNL producer Lindsay Shookus, we are hearing more about how she’ll handle the next ex-Missus Affleck.

Jennifer has gone into “mama bear mode” since Ben brought Lindsay into the light. In fact, she’s been Mama Bear since 2015, when she first learned of their affair and tracked Lindsay down in New York and confronted her. No one is saying what happened during the confrontation, except that Lindsay refused to quit Ben.

So Garner did the next best thing ... she tracked down Lindsay’s ex-husband Kevin Miller after appearing on an episode of Late Night with Seth Meyers where Kevin is a producer. And even though Kevin and Lindsay were through by then, Garner showed him a string of set messages from his ex to her ex.

Next up, Jennifer may place a call to her good friends at Capital One and have a certain someone’s new side-piece’s credit cards cancelled.

That’s what I would do.

[photo]

It's Snarkurday!

In Hollywood, every time two women work together, there are always stories of “The Catfights.” Sometimes the stories seem really true—I’m looking at you on Empire, Nia Long—and sometimes they’re nothing but air.

Before Stepmom came out in 1998, there were rumors that costars Susan Sarandon and Julia Roberts hated working with each other; both women denied the stories, with Julia calling them “boring.” In fact, Julia, at the time, said she’d wished someone had started the rumor that she and Sarandon were, um, well, f**king.

Cut to this year, with Sarandon working on Feud: Bette and Joan, and the rumors rising that she and costar Jessica Lange hate one another.  Susan was Tweeting about Feud recently and talked about the ALLEGED feud with Lange, and then twenty-year-old ALLEGED feud with Roberts. She said the rumor about Roberts was false and was started by her publicist to drum up buzz about the film. And then she tackled the ALLEGED feud with Jessica Lange:

“The #1 question I get in interviews is whether Jessica & I get along. Jess & I not only got along great during filming, we’re now dating”

And then added, because you know how people believe The Twitter:

“…I mean, staying in touch. She’s one of the reasons I agreed to do the series. Working with brilliant actors only makes you better.”

Look, the rumors about Roberts and Sarandon started because they were playing two women who, at first, did not get along, and the rumors about Lange and Sarandon started because they’re playing Crawford and Davis, two women who, well, truly did not get along.

Not every catfight is real ... unless it involves Nia Long.

Just sayin’.

[photo]

Now, this is high-larious!

Back in 2015 Shia LaBeouf was in a movie called Man Down in which he played a US Marine stuck in Afghanistan while his wife cheats on him with his best friend.

Man Down—which has yet to be released in America—was shown at a single theater in the UK over the weekend, and made a total of £7 ... or roughly $8.70 ... meaning one ticket was sold.

Ow.

[photo]

Harry Macklowe, a New York developer, is willing to give up half of his $2 billion fortune just to end his messy divorce case—and he’s laughing and skipping about it.

Outside a Manhattan courtroom this week, Macklowe giggled as he told reporters that he was handing his wife, Linda, half of his worth, $1 billion, just so she’ll go away and let him get on with his new love, French mistress Patricia Landeau.

And interestingly enough, Linda has yet to agree to the $1 billion Go Away settlement, and he entertained reporters with a Henny Youngman-style, Take My Wife Please, comedy routine and suggested reporters check out the stand-up routines he’s posted on Old Jews Telling Jokes.

Linda, though, is the only one not laughing, having filed for divorce in July after learning that Harry had put his mistress up in one of his apartments less than a mile away from their home.

Rule # 1: keep the mistress away from the wife.

Rule # 2: when the spouse offers you a billion to go away, go away.

[photo]

Folks are always saying models are dumb, but, c’mon, they’re rude, too.

When supermodels Cara Delevingne, Helena Christensen and Coco Rocha went to see “Hamilton” last week, their theater etiquette was almost non-existent.

First, while drinks were allowed in the audience at the Richard Rodgers Theatre, one model insisted at the America Express Platinum-sponsored event:

“We can drink inside and do whatever we want because they rented the whole theater.”

Well, yeah, maybe sip a cocktail but these gals were also talking during the show and taking photographs of the production. And one model actually said:

“We need tequila to stay awake.”

Cuz models are dumb ... and rude.

[photo]

Back in 2013, Amber Heard worked on a movie with Billy Bob Thornton called London Fields; it has never been released, and so I wonder, if it was, would it sell more than one ticket? 

We may never know, because it appears no one will ever see the film as things are getting messy.

Christopher Hanley filed suit against Heard for not honoring her contract by following the script and for not promoting the film upon completion; but, to his credit, he dropped his suit earlier this year.

But now Amber has counter-sued, claiming Hanley and his wife, Roberta, who wrote the script, filmed explicit nude scenes with her body double after she completed filming. Amber claims Christopher and Roberta—whom she calls a “lascivious and sexploitive couple”—filmed several secret nude scenes, including an “explicit pornographic sex scene” with her body double without her knowledge.

See, Amber had specific restrictions regarding nude scenes when she signed on to do the film and never agreed to the scenes in question. So, the scenes by the body double, naturally suggest that it was Amber being all porn-star-riffic when she was not.

But, to be fair, the porn scenes never made into the final, as yet unreleased film, but it appears the Hanley’s made add them to a special, most likely unseen, “producer’s cut” later on.

At any rate, is it just me, or does Amber seem to do more suing that acting these days?

Just sayin’.

[photo]

Harrison Ford just might be the new Lindsay Lohan ... or at least he Lohan’d his way out of big trouble over his recent airplane screw-up.

The FAA has ruled that they won’t take away Ford’s pilot’s license, or even fine him, for landing his plane on the taxiway instead of a runway at John Wayne Airport back in February.

Just like Lohan getting off with a slap on the wrist for driving drunk, Ford gets a spanking for flying the wrong way at an airport.

[photo]

And now, let’s end with One-Ticket-Movie-Star, Shia LaBeouf. He’s been a hot mess, a la Lohan, for a while now, but it seemed like he was getting his act, if not his acting, together, until ...

This week when he went into a rage at the staff of a Jerry’s Deli in L.A. Witnesses say he was downing beer after beer for about three hours and then staggered over to Pinz bowling alley—which is connected to Jerry’s—and pitched a fit about ... French fries.

Apparently, though the bartender kept serving him brewskis, he refused to give Shia and fries and LaBeouf LaBlewUp.

Shia doesn’t only lose it about French fries, he ALLEGED that the bartender wanted to hit him in the head with a bottle of Grey Goose—why waste good vodka?—and so he called the bartender a “fucking racist bitch.”

No one knows why he said that, unless he thinks the bartender only serves French Fries to the French ... or Grey Goose to Grey Geese.

Anyway, to add insult to injury, and to make it all seem more funny, LaBeouf was removed from Pinz in his rented bowling shoes and then had to go back inside to retrieve his regular shoes.

Talk about a walk of shame. 

[photo]

I Didn't Say It ...

Jeffrey Tambor, who plays transgender Maura Pfeffermen, on an airport encounter with a stranger:

“I thought he was going to lay me out. But he said, ‘Thank you. Thank you for teaching me about something I did not know.’ The world is changing. They’re not going to stand for this hatred. They’re not going to stand for this nonsense and this misgendering and all of this crap. It’s a brand new world.”

The more people talk, the better educated people become; the better educated people become, the less ‘phobic’ they are.

It’s a good thing.

[photo]

Garrison Keillor, on The [t]Rump:

“The cap does not look good on you, it's a duffer's cap, and when you come to the microphone, you look like the warm-up guy, the guy who announces the license number of the car left in the parking lot, doors locked, lights on, motor running. The brim shadows your face, which gives a sinister look, as if you'd come to town to announce the closing of the pulp factory. Your eyes look dead and your scowl does not suggest American greatness so much as American indigestion. Your hair is the wrong color: People don't want a president to be that shade of blond. You know that now. … Meanwhile, you keep plugging away. It's the hardest work you've ever done. You walk out in the white cap and you rant for an hour about stuff that means nothing and the fans scream and wave their signs and you wish you could level with them for once and say one true thing: I love you to death and when this is over I will have nothing that I want.”

One can dream that when this ends he will have nothing he wants; and one can dream that he’ll do the one thing he said he’d do if he lost and go away.

But he’s a pathological liar, so he’ll hang around and bitch and moan and whine … cuz that’s all he does.

[photo]

Megan Rapinoe, United States women’s national soccer team star, on joining other professional athletes and refusing to stand during the national anthem:

“It was very intentional. It was a little nod to Kaepernick and everything that he’s standing for right now. I think it’s actually pretty disgusting the way he was treated and the way that a lot of the media has covered it and made it about something that it absolutely isn’t. We need to have a more thoughtful, two-sided conversation about racial issues in this country. Being a gay American, I know what it means to look at the flag and not have it protect all of your liberties. It was something small that I could do and something that I plan to keep doing in the future and hopefully spark some meaningful conversation around it. It’s important to have white people stand in support of people of color on this. We don’t need to be the leading voice, of course, but standing in support of them is something that’s really powerful.”

The other day I heard Whoopi Goldberg talking about this, and she told a story of black soldiers fighting for America in World War II and then coming home to find that they couldn’t eat at the counter, drink out of the fountain, sit anywhere they wanted to in a bus or a movie theater.

The flag, the anthem, this country, need to represent all of us; all of us.

[photo]

Jewel, at a Rob Lowe Roast, on ‘why gay men love Ann Coulter:

“Two minutes into hearing her speak, they remember why they hate pussy.”

And one minute after looking at her reminds me that, somewhere, a horse needs to be fed.

[photo]

Shia LaBeouf, on  Steven Spielberg, who directed him in that awful Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: 

“I grew up with this idea, if you got to Spielberg, that’s where it is. I’m not talking about fame, and I’m not talking about money. You get there, and you realize you’re not meeting the Spielberg you dream of. You’re meeting a different Spielberg, who is in a different stage in his career. He’s less a director than he is a fucking company….I don’t like the movies that I made with Spielberg. The only movie that I liked that we made together was Transformers."

And so I imagine he won’t be making any more movies with Spielberg though the decision won’t by Shia’s … it’ll be Spielberg’s.

[photo]

It's Snarkurday!

Cuba Gooding Jr is out and about promoting The People v OJ Simpson: American Crime Story. He’s good in it, but he looks nothing like OJ so I keep thinking: did Cuba Gooding Jr kill Nicole Brown Simpson?

But this isn’t about that; it’s about the impending $100 million lawsuit Cuba might be facing from Tiny Tom Cruise — with whom he worked in A Few Good Men and Jerry Maguire. You see, while talking up his new gig, someone had the nerve to ask Cuba about Tom Cruise and how his face hasn’t changed — though it seems to have turned to stone — and does Cuba think Tiny Tom went under the knife:

“Absolutely, yes!”

And cue lawsuit. But, wait, maybe Cuba has seen the actual evidence of a little Scientology Surgery on Tom:

"I don't know what he's had done, but I surprised him at his house one day and he had all these little red dots over his face. And I said, 'You alright?' and he said, 'I didn't know you were coming.' And I was like, 'I can see why!'"

A lawsuit and a hit put on him by Co$. Run, Cuba, run!

I love love and I love when people have been married for a while and then renew their vows and their commitment to one another, but … Daisy Fuentes and Richard Marx got married in Los Angeles last week, a mere 60 days from when they tied the knot the first time in Aspen in December.

Try hard much? Publicity seekers much? I see a St Patrick’s Day renewal coming up and maybe a July 4th reboot, too.

Beyoncé dropped her latest weave-whipping, gyrating, pelvic thrust “music” video over the weekend and already there are cried of plagiarism … like when she steals Michael Jackson’s drag for her Super Bowl performance, or rips off Britney Jean Spears’ — or some pole dancer’s — moves for her videos. But this time it’s documentary filmmakers Chris Black and Abteen Bagheri who say Beyoncé, um, lifted some scenes in her video directly from their 2013 film “That B.E.A.T.” and so Chris Black Tweeted:

“New Beyoncé video used hella clips from the doc I produced and directed by @abteem . . . but why!?!?”

And then said:

“I guess it’s flattering that people f - - k with the things you’ve created but also frustrating when they wanna use it like it’s theirs. The funny thing is that our doc is low key iconic so the audacity to rip and pass it off like we not gonna notice. You outta touch b!”

Naturally, Beyoncé released the Flying Monkeys, AKA her legal team, to say they had permission to use the documentary footage even though it appears no one bothered to tell the filmmakers that Beyoncé would be stealing from them. Well, except for Beyoncé’s director, Melina Matsoukas, who Tweeted back that she, um, yeah, had acquired the footage:

“Must give much love to the beautiful NOLA footage shot and directed by @abyewm and @lkeber to make #FORMATION whole.”

Look, Beyoncé is a hybrid of Brit and Michael and Janet and Willow Smith and a slew of pole dancers outta Vegas. Nothing new, nothing real. Nothing of her own.

I don’t know these people, but here goes … someone named  Ciara — real name Ciara Princess Harris — as filed a $15 million lawsuit against her former fiancé and current baby daddy, Future — real name Nayvadius DeMun Wilburn — for slander after he accused her of being a horrible mother to their 1-year-old son Future Zahir because Ciara allowed her current non-sexual life partner, Russell Wilson to be photographed pushing Little Future around in a stroller in  what he deems to be “publicity stunts.” He also went after Ciara on twitter, accusing her of taking $15,000 a month in child support while making him go though lawyers to see their son.

And so Ciara is responding to Future’s rant by coming for a lot more than $15,000 a month because she says she isn’t keeping Big Future from Little Future, and that she’s allowed some 19 visitations since December 2014, the most recent being last week. And she adds that Future — daddy, not son — is just stirring the pot to promote his flailing music career. 

She’s seeking, in addition to the coins, that Big Future erase all the nasty words he wrote about her on Twitter and wants him legally blocked from saying a word about her.

Keep Silent and Give Me More Coins.

A recent picture surfaced of Rocco Ritchie — spawn of Madonna and Guy … not some guy, but Guy Ritchie — smoking what may or may not have been a little joint at a skate park in London and Madonna is said to be using the picture to prove that Guy is Bad Daddy. She’s even hired a private investigator to follow Rocco around and photograph him whenever he does something bad so she can haul their son and her ex into court because she is not getting her way.

Multiple sources connected with Madge says she feels that Guy has set no rules for 15-year-old Rocco and he’s living dangerously … not enrolled in school, hanging out in skate parks, smoking and essentially doing anything he wants. And so she wants him back so she can control his every move.

In the meantime, I think Madonna will release another record, called Parenting and it will feature songs like ‘Stalking My Son,’ ‘Guy’s A Dick,’ and ‘No One, NO ONE, Ignores Me!’

A couple of weeks ago I shared the news that Khloe Kardastrophe has a new talk show, Kocktails With Khloe, a show that apparently no one in Hollywood with a scintilla of decency or integrity would appear on so … Tori Spelling has guested on the chat-show … and she brought the cray.

On the show, Tori admits that when Tori gets drunk, she turns into Terri — short for TerriTORI because the bitch brands everything — and Terri is a mess who apparently likes to pee anywhere and everywhere she wants.

Now, to be fair, Tori claims Terri doesn’t come out that often because Tori has kids and because it’s generally more likely that her husband Dean is the drunk one so he can stay at home with her and not be lead around town by his dick.

But, some say this might be a case of split personality, though I disagree because Tori would have to have a personality already for one to split off from it.

You know …

And speaking of Hollywood blondes who met their husband s because they schtupped them while they were both married to other people … LeAnn Rimes.

Apparently, Miss Adultery, er, LeAnn is miffed that the husband she screwed around on, one Dean Sheremet, keeps talking about her, and not always in a pleasant way because, well, lying adulterer.

And now Dean has the nerve to say the name LeAnn in his new cookbook, high-lariously entitled, Eat Your Heart Out and so LeAnn released the hounds — AKA a crack team of lawyers — on Dean’s ass to remind him that he’d signed a paper to never say “LeAnn” again. LeAnn is worried because it sounds like his cook book might spill some confidential information and violate the terms of their agreement. And they says that although LeAnn doesn’t want to come between Dean and his coins — lest he decide to come after her for more — she doesn’t like him making money off’a her whilst discussing his new recipe Cheating Chicken With Cibrian Sauce.

In response to LeAnn’s letter, Dean hissed that LeAnn was, as usual, making this all about herself.

“I just don’t get it. She already killed my happiness the first time around. [It’s like], ‘Move on already, LeAnn. I’ve moved on!' I’m on people’s radar because of my past with her. I can’t erase my past; I referred to it and was very respectful. I’m not the one who cheated.”

See LeAnn? He’s over it! Put a fork in his My Wife Banged Eddie Cibrian Meatloaf. He’s done.

Oh Shia LaBeouf is making enemies everywhere, even in his own family.

It seems that Shia’s aunt, Sharon Saide, might have to hit up Craig’s List for rooms to rent because Shia has taped an eviction notice to her door, saying he wants her out of her Manhattan apartment because he’s in the middle of a Bitchfest with Sharon’s husband, his uncle, Barry Saide.

See, back in 2014, Shia sued Barry over a 2009 $800,000 loan that Barry felt he shouldn’t have to repay because … Rich Nephew. Well, the courts didn’t like that argument and Barry lost the case. Now, it’s 2016, and Barry still hasn’t paid back the loan and it’s grown to $1 million, thanks to interest and lawyer fees, so Shia decided to take Aunt Sharon’s home.

But Sharon has an ace up her sleeve; she says she bought the apartment with inheritance money from her grandmother and that Barry’s name isn’t anywhere on the ownership papers. And, if that isn’t enough, she says the apartment is worth $2.5 million, far more than Barry owes Shia. Sharon has also accused Shia of trying to “intimidate and pressure” her into handing over her apartment.

How? By showing her one of his films? I know it’d make me run for the hills!