Bobservations

Carlos was talking about his former job working with the Hispanic community, the unhoused community, and the local schools to talk to kids about drugs and drinking and smoking.

Well, one day he and a few women on the staff went to a local middle school for an anti-drug program but before they got started there was a woman there selling faces creams for blotchy skin and under eye bags and tiny wrinkles and before you could, ‘Wait one damn minute,’ Carlos was slathered in creams and potions and lotions, none of which worked.

I asked him why he did it, and he said, wait for it, the ladies made him. Then I reminded him of that one word in the English language that might have saved him:

“No.”

“But you don’t know these women!”

Oh Carlos … and then he told me there was a picture of him covered in lotions and potions so I am on the hunt for that!

This Tuxedo Says is from August 2021:

"Once again Tuxedo has proven that, like his two Dads, he has zero fucks left to give to these anti-masker, anti-vaxxer loons."

And it wouldn’t be lost on Tuxedo to note that the MAGAts have no problem with ICEstapo masking up and murdering people and arresting children.

I forgot to mention that this month in my household is called Fuckuary as it is the month where my mother passed away February 17 2007; my Aunt Pam passed away February 14, 2009; my sister Jeri passed February 15, 2014; my father passed away February 1, 2024;  and while some of you may not count your pets as family, I do, and so ... The Great Tuxedo passed away February 15, 2023.

I don’t enjoy February Fuckuary.

A veritable who’s who of who’s that was the “celebrity” guest list for the premiere of Melanie’s “movie” at the Kennedy Center:

Daytime TV host has-been Dr. Phil; Dr. Mehmet Quack Oz; rapper Waka Flocka Flame; social media magician Pete Anthony Sciarrino III; Fox “News” host Maria Baritomo; Jordan Belfort, the serial fraudster. And then you have the people forced to show up lest Cankles go off like DUI hire Pete Hegseth; Second Lady Usha Vance’ Attorney General Pamela Jo  Bondi, FBI director Kash Patel; and heroin addict RFK Jr.

Sounds abysmal, doesn’t it?

I needed a palette cleanser after that last bit so here’s a photo of the flotation devices my neighbors have at their pool.

Keep in mind that the DOJ arrested journalists Don Lemon, Georgia Fort, Jamael Lydell Lundy and Trahern Jeen Crews; all people of color; all journalists covering a story.

Who has not been arrested by the DOJ are Jonathan Ross, who shot Nicole Good four times, once in the face, and ICEstapo agents Jesus Ochoa and Raymundo Gutierrez who shot Alex Pretti as he laid on the ground dying.

Down in Texas of all places Democrat Taylor Rehmet has flipped Texas Senate District 9 Blue, pulling off a major electoral upset in a district Cankles won by 17 points in 2024.

It’s coming … the Blue Wave!

Fox “News” host Bullshit Barbie AKA Kayleigh McEnany is pushing for Melanie to win an Academy Award for the documentary “Melanie: From Whore House to White House.”

In addition to seeing Melanie get an Oscar, McEnany claimed Melanie would outshine everyone in attendance at Hollywood’s most glamorous event:

“If she was to go, she would be the best dressed and the classiest dressed by a long shot.”

Bullshit, Barbie.

Damian Baugh  models for most of the top agencies when he isn’t foraging wild mushrooms for his mushroom business—seriously—and hoping to create his own fashion line, so with all that, Would You Hit It?

The Funny Papers

Ed Hall, Darrin Bell, David Dorey, Drew Sheneman, Mike Luckovich, Bill Bramhall, Steve Sack, Michael de Adder, Deb Milbrath, Nick Anderson, Jack Ohman, Clay Bennett

Bullshit Barbie's CliffsNotes for Press Briefings™

Poor Kayleigh McEnany promised the press she’d never lie to them—which was broken the second that last syllable escaped her lips—but she never promised she’d be an incompetent moron, and yet here she is …

Last week Reuters photographer Jonathan Ernst captured a closeup of the binder McEnany brings with her to every briefing and, well, it’s high-larious and indicative of everything that’s wrong about this White House, Hot Mess.

You see, at every briefing, McEnany is seen flipping through her Cliff Notes of Press Secretary-ing  and then appearing to read verbatim from pre-written responses. Now, to be fair, there’s a lot of information on a variety of topics, so that explains the binder tabs marked “Covid” and “Test” as well as “PPE,” “Masks,” “CDC,” and “Cases.”

But then there’s the tab “Mary,” allegedly information on The Occupant’s niece who just released a tell-all book about her batshit crazy sociopathic uncle; or the one marked “Hogan,” which may refer to Maryland’s Republican Governor Larry Hogan who wrote a scathing Washington Post essay condemning _____’s pandemic response. 

And then there’s “Goya,” which I don’t think is an ethnic foods recipe section.

The other day McEnany—pronounced Mac-ah-ninny—seemed to read from the LGBTQ section after being asked about _____’s ban on transgender troops by saying:

“I haven’t talked to him about that specific policy, but this president is proud that in 2019 we launched a global initiative to end the criminalization of homosexuality throughout the world. He has a great record when it comes to the LGBT community. The Trump administration eased a ban on blood donations from gay and bisexual men and he launched a plan to end the AIDS epidemic by 2030, so we’re very proud of our achievements.”

But nary a word about the transgender ban because I guess there’s no tab for that?

Here are some of Kayleigh’s actual tabs …

This one is full because everything is Obama’s fault.

This one is the biggest and perhaps the only one she really needs. The other one is recipes.

This one is empty, and the Russia one contains Love Letters from Donny to Vladdy™.

And, lastly, sadly, she can’t even spell Mueller correctly.

The Funny Papers

Mike Konopacki, Kevin Siers, Jack Ohman, Randy Bish, Nick Anderson, Dave Whamond, Chris Britt, Michael de Adder, Ken Catalino, JD Crowe, Clay Bennett, Marc Murphy