It seems like we go about a
month or so without any Lindsay Lohan stories, and then, well, she probably
gets all mad that she's not being discussed, or disgusted, and goes all drunk
and jewel thief and stuff to get her name back out there.You just know Mama
Dina taught her right: all publicity is good publicity. So,
here's some more Original Recipe Lohan™:
It
seems that when Lindsay was filming the sure-to-be craptratsic Liz & Dick for Lifetime, the production team borrowed Elizabeth Taylor’s actual trailer that was, ALLEGEDLY, specifically built for
her hen she filmed Cleopatra in 1963.
Wait.
They gave Lindsay a fifty-year-old trailer and that's supposed to be a good
thing?
Anyway.....a fan of
Elizabeth Taylor bought the trailer for $50,000, but as part of the sale, she had to lend it to the Lifetime production for a week so they could use
it for filming, but when the trailer was returned, it had been Lohan-ed, er,
trashed.
Fox
Studios spent some $75,000 in 1963--about a half a million in 2012 bucks--to
create a suitable place for Taylor to shag Richard Burton while filming Cleopatra.
It had actual columns inside, and the walls and ceilings were hand-painted in
the style of Cleopatra’s era. But,
Angel Alger, the Taylor fan, who bought the 38-foot pink travel trailer for
$50,000--her life savings--back in June, says she only had two days to enjoy it
before it was delivered to Silver Screen Pictures.
“I
was specifically told that it would come back in pristine condition and in even
better condition than it was at that time,” Alger said. But
then Lohan got hold of it, and when Alger saw it again in July, she was
devastated to see damage she estimated to be at least $100,000. There are
cigarette burns on fabric, furniture and even a portrait of Taylor. Some
dishes, a mirror, and glasses were broken, but what’s worse, is that an
antique European rocking chair that Taylor sat in after filming every night is
missing.
Criminal
say what? Something that was left in a room with Sticky Fingers Lohan went
missing? You don’t say! So
who trashed Taylor’s trailer?
“Only
a psychotic and rebellious person...would steal irreplaceable museum belongings
and leave it in this vandalized condition,” Alger said. Sounds
like Lohan, no? And
Alger suspects Lohan because a studio employee told her the cracktress and her
mob used it every night after filming, though she says she cannot prove it was Original
Recipe Lohan™.
Lohan’s
publicist said there was no way Lohan, who he said worshiped Taylor, would ever
destroy anything connected to her. You know, like Lindsay wouldn't steal a
necklace, but did, like Lindsay wouldn't drive drunk, but did, like Lindsay
doesn't do drugs, but does.
Like
Lindsay.
And there's more on Lohan.
Remember last week when I told you she was booted from the
Chateau Marmont for not paying her room bill, and her cigarette bill, and her
liquor bill, and her Bill bill--he's a male escort who may, or may not, have
schtupped Miss Lohan.
Okay, I may have embellished that last part.
Anyway, Lindsay, who never met a lie she didn't want to
tell--seriously, Mitt almost considered her for Veep because she can spin a
tale--is saying now that, in her
cracktress head, she thought the producers of her sure-to-be craptastic
Lifetime movie, Liz Loves Dick, or something, were going to pay her bill,
because she was filming their "movie" at the time.
Lindsay says she was shocked to
learn there was an outstanding 5-figure bill in her name, and just as cracked
out to find she'd been banned from the hotel when the bill went unpaid. She says she is speaking
to the producers and if they don't pay the bill, well, she'll happily do so.
In cigarette butts and empty
vodka bottles, I’m guessing.
Only now sources--Hey Dina!
How's the chardonnay?--are saying the
production NEVER promised to foot the bill, though they did give Lindsay a
one-time only, $5,000 advance against her salary in late May so she could move
into the hotel, but that was it.
Five-thousand
barely covers her cig bill.
So....more Lohan....in an apparent effort to pay the hotel bill, not to mention her round-the-clock attorney and publicist
fees, and the astronomical bill for Dina's boxes of wine, rumor has it that
Lindsay is now kind of an international call girl.
Hooker, people, hooker.
People are saying that Lohan
wants a sugar daddy, and fast, because her bills are mounting and, well, when
she gets a check it goes right to booze and cigarettes. So, Lohan has been desperately searching for a “rich
older man” to help her maintain her lifestyle after being dumped by her most
recent boyfriend, billionaire hotel mogul, and married man, Vikram Chatawal.
A source--Hey Dina! You
want some peanut-butter-crackers to go with that wine?--says, “Lindsay got
used to living and spending like a big-time movie star, and Vikram helped her
keep that lifestyle going. But on her own, Lindsay doesn’t have that kind of
money, and she still spends thousands on hair extensions, and several thousand
on makeup, fillers and Botox injections and new lips. She’s
also a compulsive online shopper.”
See, while Lindsay does
make a rather comfortable living--though not at all what she thinks she
makes--she spends far more than she earns. Add to that all those legal fees
Lindsay incurs every other week when she gets arrested, or even just called in
for questioning because someone's iPhone was stolen.
Without a deep-pockets
boyfriend, Lindsay is headed for the poorhouse.
Or, well, you knew I'd go
there, the whorehouse.
Enough about Lohan; there are other crazy celebs out there
to talk about.
Take LeAnn Rimes for example.
LeAnn Rimes was married to an ambiguously gay man when she
went away to Canada to film a movie with Eddie Cibrian. The two began
schtupping and Eddie dumped his wife and baby-mama and LeAnn dumped her
dancer-turned-chef husband.
And began a new obsession with Twitter which apparently lead
to her recent announcement that she was seeking treatment for anxiety and
stress because she Twit-Fights with strangers all the time and it's just too
much.
Now Team LeAnn is trying to spin the story of her trip to
Stress Rehab by saying that, maybe, she was being cyberbullied in the
Twittersphere. And then came word that LeAnn's team of lawyers--sidenote: being
a lawyer for a celeb must be a full time job--was “gearing
up to sue the scumbags behind the illegal activity.”
The illegal activity in question is the recording of
LeAnn’s phone call to Kimberly Smiley--a call that all parties seem to agree
that LeAnn initiated. The lawyers say that LeAnn has been “victimized
by a gang of cyber-bullies who have been terrorizing her on Twitter ever since
she hooked up with Eddie Cibrian." And so, dim-bulb LeAnn chose to
actually call one of the ALLEGED bullies, who, well, recorded the
conversation and then spread
it around the web for everyone's enjoyment.
LeAnn filed suit for
invasion of privacy against Kimberly Smiley and Lexi Smiley claiming that they
are “supporters of
Brandi Glanville--LeAnn's husband's ex-wife--who “illegally
taped a conversation with her and then spread it across the Internet.”
The suit further claims that
LeAnn only called Smiley “in an attempt
to stop the negative" activity and that she "attempted to be kind and
said she wanted peace.”
Um, LeAnn? Honey? Nutbag?
Start by getting off Twitter, m'kay?
Turn the computer off and
have a sammich.
So, Heidi and Seal. I always thought those two crazy kids could make a go of it
but they didn't. And now Heidi is seeking full custody of their children
because Seal, well, apparently dates now, and used photos of the SealKlum kids
in a commercial. Heidi wasn't pleased because
she wanted to pimp the kids, probably in Project Runway.
And so Seal, who, I guess,
wants joint custody, is spilling some secrets about the marriage now, in an
effort to get back at her. He says they
divorced because Heidi was cheating with her bodyguard, Martin Kristen, and
Seal says he believes Heidi was sleeping with him during their marriage:
or, he just wants us to think it.
Seal said: “You know, that’s what happens when people separate.
They move on, and that generally means other people in their lives. I certainly
don’t expect Heidi to all of a sudden become a nun, but as always, my main
priority is the emotional well-being of our children. And to be quite honest,
if there is going to be someone else in their lives, I’d much rather it be a
familiar face. I guess the only thing that I would have preferred [was] that
Heidi would have shown a little more class and at least wait until we separated
first before deciding to fornicate with the help."
Ouch. But now he's singing a different
tune, telling his friends that the idea that Heidi Klum cheated on
him during their marriage is absolutely false, and, of course, Heidi is
maintaining that her relationship with the bodyguard was “strictly
professional” while she was with Seal. Now, however, they are ALLEGEDLY “very
close.”
She says, of the
relationship, “It’s
complicated....
Meaning it stars
Meryl Streep, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin?
"....This
has been a difficult time."
But, this makes
it even weirder. Though Seal was on-camera, speaking to a TMZ reporter when
saying Heidi was "fornicating" with the help while they were married,
now he says he didn't mean to "imply" such a thing.
Honey that was
no implication.
And now Heidi
will speak:
“I cherish all of the great memories Seal and I created
together over the years. Our separation was based on issues between the two of
us. Seal has moved on and so have I. My priority has and continues to be
protecting and providing for our children.”
But, um, she is dating Martin now.
Not Steve Martin, co-star of "It's Complicated,"
but bodyguard, Martin Kristen.
Gosh, it is complicated.
I didn't see the interview Rihanna did with Oprah because I
loathe O, and I'm not really a fan of Rihanna. But bits and pieces of it
invaded the ether around my head and I saw her acting all sweetness and light,
and just a plain old island girl who made it big.
Headed.
Rihanna’s been in Europe lately working on her fashion
line--hold for laughter because, have you seen how she dresses? Hookers have
better taste of on-the-job apparel. Of course, it'll sell, but will also be
ultra-trashy, like Rihanna.
Anyway, since Rihanna isn't an all-work-and-no-play girl,
she's been making the nightclub scene around London, and, well, just basically
making a scene.
It seems Boozehanna sparked
fresh fears over her hard-partying lifestyle last week after clashing with
bouncers at London’s Rose Club. In front of 300 onlookers, Boozehanna was
removed from the club by doormen after jumping on a table in her thigh-high snakeskin
boots--Again, she has a fashion line?--and wrecking it, sending glasses flying
everywhere; a little like that Drake and Chris Brown nightclub brawl over
Boozehanna a few months back.
One clubgoer said,
"They were trying to eject her when her girlfriends starting screaming,
‘That’s Rihanna, you idiots!’
And Rihanna was scuffling
with the bounders and telling them to get off her:
“Don’t you know who I
am?” she shrieked as doormen tossed her ass outside.
"Yes," they said,
"a drunken tart."
Okay, that last part was my
imagination.
After nearly tossing her drunken
ass to the curb, they finally recognized that she was a pop star and not a call
girl. The club manager ordered free drinks for the table.
And a new table, of course.
Last week we heard about Kelsey
Grammer and how he will never mention his ex-wife's--and mother to two of his
children--name again. He won't mention how she stayed with him for thirteen
years and saw him through rehab and off the booze and drugs just so he could
start f**king around on her and then play all victim-y and ask for a divorce.
You know, so he could marry
his future ex-wife, Kayte Something-Or-Other.
And he was granted a quickie,
bifurcated divorce, which means the divorce is granted before the money part is
all settled. Which worked out good, because then Kelsey could marry his already
pregnant mistress.
Did I mention he's a staunch
Redumblican? This explains the boozing and drugging and screwing around, all
with a holier-than-thou attitude.
But, anyway, now the financials
are all in and Kelsey's ex, Camille, will be pocketing $30 million bucks, plus
their house, er, mansion, in Malibu, which she is selling.
I say good for her.
Sere, when Kelsey married
Camille all those years ago, before rehab and cheating, he was actually broke. I
think all the Cheers money and the early Frasier money went up his nose and not
into a bank. But at the time of their divorce, the couple was worth some $60
million and Camille will get half.
Still there are some who say
the massive settlement may not be to
Camille’s liking because she was, ALLEGEDLY, offered $30 million a couple of years ago and turned
it down, hoping to hit the $50 million mark.
Still, there really isn't
much of a difference between $30 mil and $50 mil, and, well, the news gets
better, in the revenge sense. See, Kelsey and Camille had no
prenup, and Kelsey, who apparently never learns
a lesson, has no prenup with Wife #4.
So, figure, with his track
record, that once he gets his fortune back up to $60 million, it'll be time for
another divorce.
Karma is a bitch. So is Kelsey.