Why Is It ...

… that when I look back at all the successes and failures in my life I cannot help but be proud that the potty training stuck

… that I wonder what life would be like if I didn’t overthink everything. I think about that all the time.

… that I am an adult the same way a lawn chair is furniture; I mean, it’s technically true but no one’s impressed and I’m not very stable

… that I lovelovelove when my mere presence pisses someone off

… that since gas has gotten so expensive I’ve decided I’m just gonna drink energy drinks and run everywhere

… that some of you have no idea that you aren’t worth the fuck that made you

… that in high school I could eat a Gordita Supreme and a dozen Krispy Kremes at midnight and lose three pounds but these days I go up an entire pant size every time I swallow my spit

… that when confronted with a problem my go-to mantra is, Whatever. Fuck it. I tried. Not worth it.

… that no one understands that I am happy to apologize for being a bitch as soon as they apologize for bringing the bitch out in me

… that I hate when people accuse me of lollygagging when I am quite clearly dilly dallying

Bobservations

Carlos thinks he’s funny. He’s a lot of things, sweet and smart and kind but he’s acquired taste of funny; he likes to make up jokes … like the email he sent to his friend Ellen who had a birthday last week. He wrote her a poem about aging joke and, yes, those can be funny if you’re turning forty or fifty, but when you’re turning 70+ a joke about how you started your life in diapers and you’ll be ending your life in diapers, is not necessarily funny to everyone.

Ellen was not amused—but to be fair, Ellen has no sense of humor.

But then later that same day I was purging the kitchen of things we didn’t need, don’t use, don’t want and I came across this oddly-shaped whisk; it looks like a large cone-shaped spring on a handle—perhaps a potato masher—and we don’t use it so I opted to donate it. Then Carlos saw it and said maybe he’d send it to his friend Byron who might like it as a sex toy, and I said:

“Honey. Honey. Sweetie. You’re not funny. You’re cute as a bug’s ear, sweet as all get out, and kinder than a pack of singing nuns in a Disney movie, but you’re not known for the funny.”

He put down the whisk.

This Tribute to Cats [and Dog]  is from March 2011 …  Caturday....With A Small Dose Of Dog[?]urday

Tuxedo and Max Goldberg like to sneak off for a 'nap'. Yeah, that's it......nap.

My two handsome men!

Consuelo Roca Jones. Hey, if she doesn't know I'm taking her picture, I don't get the stink eye!

And speaking of stink eye, Tallulah was giving it on the down-low when I caught her playing with Consuelo's toy.

And Ozzo, poor Ozzo. He begged not to be included on Caturday. He.Begged.

JD Vance gave a speech in which he noted that “we are about to celebrate the 25th year” of 9/11.

Celebrate? I think you mean commemorate dumbass because we are not celebrating the murders of 3,000 Americans.

Ever.

Sixteen years ago, Google pulled its search engine out of China because they chose not to submit to an authoritarian government.

Today they are renaming lakes because a fascist, sitting on the toilet at 2AM, told them so.

I have been watching Westies about New York in the 70s and the Irish and Italian mob going head-to-head. It’s good; gritty and dirty and then, of course, hot.

And by hot I mean that guy up there, Tom Brittney, who plays James, the good bad guy. He looks good in his jeans and even better out of his jeans..

Smolder. 

Just as I have never called that bloated, farting, diaper-shitting, racist, rapist, pedophile, grifting criminal my president,. I will never call the Gulf of Mexico by any other name, nor will I ever call Lake Ontario anything other than Lake Ontario. And the Kennedy Center will always be the Kennedy Center.

This is all a deflection for his inept ability to fix the economy, stop a war he started for no reason, and keep us from finding out how many young children he raped on Epstein’s Island.

Flock CEO Garrett Langley thinks you don’t deserve the right to privacy so his Flock Cameras are going up everywhere to watch you, but … Langley has blurred his house in Google maps because he thinks he deserves the right to privacy.

Think on that. 

Clark Bockelman is a thirty-four-year-old American high-fashion model who rose to prominence in the early 2010s due to his classic blond, muscular, "all-American" look … so, Would You Hit It?

Why Is It ...

… there are times when I want to take away my best friend’s pain and give it to someone we both hate

… that I sometimes think I’ll never retire and that I will work up until the day of my funeral and probably use a vacation day for it

… that when someone asks how I am, I fear that if I answer honestly I’ll be institutionalized

… that I’ve only just learned that shouting “Let’s get this trauma started” as I clock in is ‘concerning behavior.’

… that I’m not surprised that my life coach told me I didn’t make the team

… that when my boss complimented me and said he appreciated the sparkle in my eyes, I told them they were tears

… that most people don’t understand that tattoos exist because adulting is hard and we deserve stickers

… that when someone tells me I’m funny I tell them I would have been lobotomized in the 1940s

… that a friend told me hiking is a good way to meet people and on my first hike I met two paramedics, three nurses, a cardiologist and I almost met Jesus

… that my body now makes noises that sound very expensive

Bobservations

Carlos is headed to an HIV conference in Columbia this week and will stay in Columbia from Thursday until Saturday. As he is the one who makes the Café con Leche for breakfast I suggested before he leaves on Thursday that he makes two Café con Leche for my breakfast on Friday and Saturday; and then he asked me:.

“Are you helpless?”

“The question is are you helpful?”

I need to go so I can practice the espresso machine …

This Tale of Tuxedo, with a special appearance by Consuelo, is from March 2011 and is entitled Tuxedo Caturday:

I LOVE that face!

We were worried about Tuxedo getting on with Miss Consuelo Jones when she came to live with us.

He was leery of MaxGoldberg when Max first came along--though they are best buddies now.  He was also leery of Tallulah when she first moved in and is still leery of her now because she's one crazy bitch. 

So, when Consuelo arrived, ee watched him, but then he started playing with her and chasing her and letting her chase him; it's like he's her big brother.

Just adorable.

Dolly Parton passed away Tuesday at the age of eighty; a good long life, I’d say.

Years ago, living in California, some friends and I were at South Lake Tahoe doing a wee bit of gambling at Harrah’s. Dolly Parton was performing there and by chance we checked on tickets and were able to see her, She was sweet and funny and bawdy and sassy and just all the things you thought Dolly Parton would be.

Sidenote: when I was living in California several friends and I went up to Lake Tahoe to gamble and drink and party. While in the casino we learned that Dolly Paron was performing that night and we scored some tickets. I had never seen her before, wasn’t what I considered a big fan, but she was fabulous and all of the things you realize that she has always been. It turned out to be one of the great shows.

RIP, Dolly, and Thank you.

The fact that Hakeem Jeffries legitimized Jared Kushner, who has earned upwards of $2 billion from Saudi Arabia, through a secret meeting to find 'common ground' should mean he has no future in politics.

He is untrustworthy if he does anything other than hold that family and every single con artist in that mob, accountable for their crimes.

There was a lady in one of those red hats behind me in line at the grocery store, talking obnoxiously loudly on her phone:

“I just got into Game of Thrones. I just started Season 4.”

I paid for my groceries, looked back at her and said:

“Jon Snow kills Daenerys and Anya kills the Night King. Have a good day.”

It’s the small victories, you know.

PS Anyone who knows me knows this isn't true as I have never seen Game of Thrones. I just stole this from Facebook!

I’ve been saying it for a long time and now I need y’all to step up: It’s time to eat the rich because everything else has salmonella. 

Country singer Kacey Musgraves used the opening night of her “Middle of Nowhere” tour in Chicago to raise awareness for children affected by immigration enforcement by asking fans to support the Young Center for Immigrant Children’s Rights. She described the effort as a humanitarian issue rather than a political message.

Of course, the MAGAts came for her because she used her platform to try and do something good for children whose family members have been disappeared.

But good on Kacey for taking this stand … Dolly would be pleased.

Manuel Zares, full name Manuel Cañizares, is an up-and-coming Spanish fashion model. He has green eyes and brown hair and is roughly 6’1” tall but may be a young one in his early twenties … still, Would You Hit It?

Why Is It ...

… that after I told a co-worker I could tell he was a C-section baby by the way he avoids labor that HR is once again asking to see me.

… that people don’t realize that as you get older you need to care less about how you look in photos and more about how you look in x-rays, scans and test result.

… that from now on I will identify as a rubber band, stretched to my limit, holding everything together but ready to snap

… that we have to pay for trash bags just to throw them out with the trash

… that one of my new favorite games is “Did I take Ibuprofen thirty minutes ago or did I just think about taking it?”

… that kids today cannot write a paper for school without resorting to AI when I was able to write ten pages for school with ever having read the book

… that people wait until New Years Day to cut people out of their lives … I’m like, Happy August 22nd, now get the fuck out!

… that when my therapist asked if my fifteen-year-old self would be proud of me today, I said, “My fifteen-year-old self would be stunned that I’m still alive!”

… that when someone asked if I had a favorite bird I instantly replied Rotisserie Chicken at CostCo

… that when I said, “Maybe I’m just too demanding? Maybe I’m just like my father, too bold? Maybe I’m just like my mother, she’s never satisf—” My therapist shrieked, “Get out.”

Bobservations

Carlos couldn’t bear to part with the old tiles from the kitchen countertops and tried to find a way to use them; most of his ideas involved gluing them to parts of the house and I put the kibosh on those. But then he got together with our contractor, Craig, and came up with trivets to use for hot pots and pans on the new countertops.

Keeping the old with the new is a fabulous idea.

This Tale of Tuxedo is from March 2011 … and is entitled “Consuelo Roca Jones: #11 of 1500” because I was going to post 1500 pictures of her; a goal I have yet to reach I believe. Anyway …

When we adopted Miss Jones, they gave us a small bag of cat food, and this toy. It has a ball that runs through a channel, and lights up as it does so, with a scratch pad in the center. Little Miss Jones loves to bat the ball around and watch it light up.

We also bought another scratching tool for all the cats, but Tuxedo has taken to it most of all. He loves to sit in it, play under, lay atop it, but, most of all, guard it from the other cats.

That's my boy!

Never let it be forgotten that DUI hire Pete Hegseth once spent $6.9 million on lobster, $15.1 million on ribeye steak, $2 million on Alaskan king crab, $1 million on salmon, $124,000 on ice cream machines, and $139,000 on doughnuts during a September 2025 end-of-year spending surge.

And now there’s sailors not being fed, given no toiletries and living in filth on the USS Abraham Lincoln.

I didn’t think I’d have to say it again, but this is why you don’t put drunken sexual predators in positions of power. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

Hakeem Jeffries says he doesn't support Medicare for all in the richest nation on Earth.

I no longer support Hakeem Jeffries who, as a member of Congress pays next to nothing for his healthcare.

Now, to cleanse my palate from both Hegseth and Jeffries here’s this:

Mackenzie Scott, the ex-missus Jeff Bezos, has just donated $70 million to Meals on Wheels as elderly people face a four-month wait list.

Her ex-husband, meanwhile, wants you to tip Amazon drivers working in the heat of summer while he pockets somewhere between $40 million and $8o million a day.

Just more proof that in this chaos it’s the women doing the right things.

ICEstapo officers may soon be outfitted with gloves that can deliver painful electric shocks intended to gain compliance from combative individuals.

But remember this one thing: spraying electric shock gloves with water can cause them to malfunction. Oops.

Kit Butler hails from Oxford, England and is just 28-years-old and stands 6’2” tall … do you need to know more or Would You Hit It?

Why Is It ...

… that people need to remember that I don't think I’m right all the time, but I am and that’s why it comes off that way

… that I may be laid back but I lean forward very quickly

… that people don’t understand that when I say I feel like Barbie, I mean that my hip is making that clicking sound

… that when it comes to a text chat I am either fast Replier or Never Answer

… that this snippet of advice always gets me in trouble because I say, whenever you get angry at someone bite them; just bite them and walk away. I guarantee they’ll never speak to you again

… that no one realizes that my ability to find the comedy in every crisis is a sign of deep inner peace or a warning that my last marble has officially left the building

… that when people ask what kinds of music I like all I can say is it’s every song except the ones I don’t like.

… that some days my brain is a powerful machine and other days it’s just two racoons fighting in a garbage can.

… that the new girl at work wanted to chat and chat and chat and I finally said, “Let’s skip the talking stage and you can go right to blocking me.”

… that I just learned that therapy is like some stranger walking around my brain and saying, “This is how you live?”

Bobservations

We’re in a bit of a fire warning stage here in South Carolina because of the heat and while Carlos and I were out running errands on Tuesday we must have seen four or five fire trucks racing down the roads and here’s what gets me …

PEOPLE DON’T GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!!!!

They speed up and maybe move slightly to the right but they keep driving and it pisses me off so I began a rant to Carlos about people not getting out of the way. As you know, my rants go on and on and on and how I think fire trucks should have cameras and any car that doesn’t get out of the way their license plate should be tagged and they should be fined. When I finished I looked at Carlos for his reaction.

Asleep.

“Are you sleeping???”

“No!”

“What did I say?”

“You were talking about the drivers.”

And so I guess he was awake but then I thought again …

“What about the drivers?”

“That they all drive too slow and brake too much.”

“And the fire trucks?”

“What fire trucks?”

Gotcha!

This Tale of Tuxedo is from January 2011 …

You know, what goes around........

Tuxedo was my feline caregiver when I was sick--with Carlos being my human nurse. He was sitting at my side, or rather, he would sit on me, leading me to think he was one of those Death Cats, waiting for me to, ahem crossover. Now, I know that all he wanted was for his Daddy to get better.

And I am getting better.

So, when Tux needed a little pampering, well, he got it. He curled up in a Afghan my mother made for me, and napped, while I periodically checked on him, and brought him snacks, and sat on him, well, by his side.

Here's to my Round-The-Clock Nurse, Tuxedo.

Ian Charleson [left] told the theater company he was recovering from sinus surgery when he was actually dying of AIDS and had just agreed to play Hamlet at the National Theatre. The part became available after Daniel Day-Lewis walked off the stage mid-run, collapsing during the scene where Hamlet meets his father's ghost; Day-Lewis later claimed he had seen his own ghost. So, Ian  Charleson took over, and outside a few close friends only the director, Richard Eyre, knew what it was costing him to stand up there.

He opened on 13 November 1989 and actor Ian McKellen was in the audience that night and so overwhelmed by Charleson’s Hamlet that gifted Charleson his own Best Actor award. But after that first night Charleson never appeared on a stage again. He died eight weeks later, on January 6, 1990 at age 40.

But this isn’t about his brilliant performance it was about what he did after he died, something nobody in Britain was doing in 1990: he left instructions that his cause of death, AIDS, be made public and his was the first show business death in the country openly attributed to AIDS.

A hero and an icon even in death.

American audiences know Charleson from Chariots of Fire, where he played Eric Liddell, the Scottish runner who wouldn't race on Sundays. And now Andrew Scott [right], an out gay actor and quite a handsome fella, is playing him now in Elsinore, the story of Charleson’s life and death, which opens in London in October and reaches US theaters in November.

I only found out the neighbors were having a party when the cake deliveries began showing up … I’m looking forward to my invitation.

I’m gagged … South Dakota ex-Governor and ex-Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi DogKiller Noem has unveiled a statue of herself.

Seriously. But the best part of all this was the influx of alternate Noem statues with her cross-dressing husband, or her love of plastic surgery, or her audition statue to play Freddy Krueger, or the one of her killing her dog.

The only one I couldn’t find was of Kristi on all fours taking it from behind by her married lover Corey Lewandowski.

Noem is said to be mulling over her future in politics but I think she’s better suited to statuary.

Recently, under orders from DUI Hire Pete Hegseth the Navy ended a 43-year contract with The Sewing Box, a Black-owned family business who made the Blue Angel uniforms. The last five-year contract with The Sewing Box paid out $400,000 to the business but rather sticking with a long-term arrangement Hegseth signed a new contract with another company and is paying them $1.69 million.

Sounds about white for a racist, misogynistic, transphobic drunken former Fox News talking head.

Taylor Fresh Foods (Taylor Farms) has issued a recall on 20 ready-to-eat products containing jalapeños due to potential Salmonella contamination. The recall follows a prior July voluntary recall of iceberg lettuce over Cyclospora concerns.

Boycott Taylor Farms until they can prove their products are safe.

It's not so much that Cankles snuck away in a catering container because of some threat that Iran was going to shoot the plane down; it's that he left the entire Air Force One crew and the innocent Press Pool behind as decoys while he crawled into a food truck.

He doesn't have a single moral fiber in his body though he does have an ass the size of a VW that had to be lubed with Hellman's Mayo to squeeze it into that food cart! 

Antonio Ortega is an international fashion model represented by top-tier agencies such as Wilhelmina, Next Management and Modelwerk; born in Mexico he is 6’1” tall with brilliant green eyes which seem to ask, Would You Hit It?