I Ain't One To Gossip But ... Olivia and Joan

I do love a feud, and one that lasted 96 years is, well, fabulous ...

So, we know that Olivia de Havilland died last week, shortly after her 104th birthday. Other things we know about OdH is that she didn’t suffer fools at all; she was well known for feuds … one, a lifelong feud with her sister, fellow actress Joan Fontaine, and one feud with Feud creator, Ryan Murphy, over his Feud: Bette and Joan TV show. OdH didn’t like the way she was portrayed in that production, though, for me, it had less to do with Murphy and more to do with the fact that aging cardboard “actress.” Catherine Zeta Jones portrayed de Havilland. But, we’re here to  talk sisters, Olivia v Joan … Fontaine.

De Havilland didn’t just hold a grudge against Fontaine because the latter won an Oscar for Best Actress in 1942—in a category for which they were both nominated. Their sibling rivalry began many years earlier and was OdH’s greatest battle.

It all stemmed from their mother’s marriage to one George Fontaine, after their father left the family for his mistress. Olivia didn’t like stepdaddy, but Joan did. In her 1978 autobiography No Bed of Roses—which Olivia dubbed No Shred of Truth—Joan says Olivia didn’t like sharing anything, even a stepfather she didn’t like, with Joan, who felt Olivia was favored by their mother.

And so, the feud … rumor has it that, at age nine, Joan decided she would kill Olivia. She thought it all out carefully: she would let Olivia hit her once, and then again, in silence. But after the third blow, she would hit Olivia right between the eyes, and then plead self-defense. Perhaps it has something to do with a school project Olivia was given a year earlier, when she was nine, and was asked to write out a will and what she might leave to whom; Olivia wrote:

“I bequeath all my beauty to my younger sister, Joan, since she has none.”

Joan loved to slap Olivia, who in turn loved hair pulling. Joan also says that older sister Olivia would tear up her outgrown clothes so Joan wouldn’t get the hand-me-downs. The hatred even manifested itself physically in 1933, when a 17-year-old Olivia broke Joan’s collarbone by pushing her into a swimming pool and then jumping on her.

A few years later, when Joan returned home from spending a couple of years with their ex-pat father in Japan, she found Olivia on the verge of a Hollywood career and decided she wanted the same thing; Olivia tried to convince their mother, and Joan, that the younger sister should be sent to boarding school instead!

But Joan won that battle and was soon living in Hollywood with Mama and Olivia, who was, by then, under contract with Warner Brothers. Olivia kept Joan from getting a deal with Warner’s and even suggested that Joan change her name because there was room for only one de Havilland in Hollywood. She encouraged Joan to take their stepfather’s last name—an idea Joan hated until a fortune teller told her that she needed a stage name ending in "e" to achieve success—and that’s how Joan de Havilland became Joan Fontaine.

And after the name change Olivia de Havilland would say:

"Joan Fontaine. I don't know who she is."

And the sisters' rivalry played out in full view of the world at the 1942 Academy Awards ceremony where both Olivia and Joan were nominated for Best Actress; Olivia for Hold Back the Dawn and Joan for Suspicion. Olivia was expected to win, but Joan got the Oscar instead and ignored her sister’s congratulations when she went to collect her statuette. Joan would later claim she was terrified of that win:

“I felt Olivia would spring across the table and grab me by the hair.”

And then she added:

"You can divorce your sister as well as your husbands. I don’t see her at all, and I don’t intend to. I got married first, got an Academy Award first, had a child first. If I die, she’ll be furious, because again I’ll have got there first!"

Olivia had a different take:

“On my part, it was always loving, but sometimes estranged and, in the later years, severed. Dragon Lady, as I eventually decided to call her, was a brilliant, multi-talented person, but with an astigmatism in her perception of people and events which often caused her to react in an unfair and even injurious way.”

And so, naturally, in 1947, when Olivia won her Oscar for To Each His Own, she snubbed Joan, although it wasn’t for Joan’s Oscar snub, it was for what Joan said publicly about Olivia’s new husband, novelist Marcus Goodrich:

"All I know about him is that he’s had four wives and written one book. Too bad it’s not the other way around."

Gosh, I love a good catty bitch. And yet I don’t know which one I’d want to sit next to more …

In 1939, producer David O. Selznick wanted to cast Olivia in Alfred Hitchcock's Rebecca but she was still under contract at Warner Bros. Selznick reportedly asked Olivia:

"Would you mind if I take your sister?"

Ouch. But then turnabout … and what seemed, on paper, as can act of kindness. Joan was offered the role of Melanie in Gone with the Wind, but turned it down and suggested Olivia get the part instead, although in a rather backhanded way; Joan said:

“George Cukor [who initially directed the film, said] I wore some rather chic clothes. He said, ‘Oh you’re much too stylish for the role that I want you to do.’ And I said, ‘Well, what about my sister?’ And he said, ‘Who’s your sister?’ I explained. And he said, ‘Thank you.’ And that’s how Olivia got that role.”

Yes, she got her sister the part by suggesting Olivia was not as chic or beautiful. But then Olivia got the last laugh that time because when she was nominated for an Oscar for the role of Melanie, she never acknowledged Joan’s assistance.

In the 1950s, de Havilland left Hollywood for France where she spent the rest of her life; but even in retirement, the sisters did not get along. When their mother passed in 1975, Olivia tried blocking Joan from attending the memorial service, until Joan threatened to take the story to the press. Suddenly she was on the guest list, though the sisters avoided each at the memorial. The only contact they had that day was when Olivia passed their mother’s urn to Joan so she could scatter a handful of her ashes.

In 1979, Joan and Olivia both attended the Oscars, though they sat at opposite ends of the stage. In 1989, they were both staying at the Beverly Hills Hotel at the same time, in adjacent rooms, and when Fontaine learned of this, she checked out immediately.

Joan Fontaine said of Olivia:

“I remember not one act of kindness from Olivia all through my childhood. She so hated the idea of having a sibling she wouldn’t go near my crib.”

And Olivia said of Joan:

“On my part, it was always loving, but sometimes estranged and, in the later years, severed,” de Havilland once said of their relationship. “Dragon Lady, as I eventually decided to call her, was a brilliant, multi-talented person, but with an astigmatism in her perception of people and events which often caused her to react in an unfair and even injurious way.”

And now, in 2020, Olivia has left us, and perhaps the feud is over, and they are sharing a laugh over a flute of champagne … at opposite ends of Heaven ...or wherever they are.

TwitFeud: _____, Teigen and Legend

Apparently there was a show about Criminal Justice Reform over the weekend, and in that show, no one bowed down to ____ and so, well, you know, Twitter Rant …

He called John Legend boring, but then went after Legend’s wife, Chrissy Teigen, who not only wasn’t on the show, but never said a word about _____, and yet he called her Legend’s filthy mouthed wife. Well, if y’all don’t know Chrissy and don’t follow Chrissy, she don’t play, and so she clapped back:

And clapped back:

And then her husband stepped into it, because, he also does not suffer fools, even the current occupant of the White House:

In the end, #PresidentPussyAssBitch was trending on Twitter, until it was banned, and then it morphed into #PresidentPAB. And while this was fun, I miss civility from the White House.

I miss Obama.

Tuesday Thought #1

Feud: Whoopi v Jeanine

A hard and fast rule …. never tell Whoopi Goldberg who she is. Whoopi is Whoopi and she’ll gladly tell her yourself who she is, so don’t come for her.

Okay Judge Jeanine?

Jeanine Pirro, a Fox news and_____ darling, was set to appear on The View last week to hawk her book on ______, but when she arrived, and learned that conservative pundit, and staunchly anti-_____ Ana Navarro was sitting in for Joy Behar she apparently became enraged.

She asked that Ana not appear in her segment; the show refused. And she apparently shrieked like a GOP snowflake, demanding that the producers “handle this.” And they did; they told Jeanine to sit at the table, right beside Ana, and do her interview or leave.

Jeanine sat, but was then looking for a fight. And she got one when she told Whoopi that she suffered from “Trump Derangement Syndrome”.

Whoopi begged to differ and said:

“Did you just point at me? Listen, I don’t have Trump derangement [syndrome]. Let me tell you what I have. I’m tired of people starting a conversation with ‘Mexicans are liars and rapists.’ Listen, I’m 62 years old. There have been a lot of people in office that I didn’t agree with. But I have never, ever seen anything like this. I have never seen anybody whip up such hate. I have never seen anybody be so dismissive.”

Jeanine, because her lips are pressed firmly to _____ ass, said:

“You know what’s horrible? When people who shouldn’t be here end up murdering the children of American citizens!” 

And Whoopi replied:

“What is horrible is when the president of the United States whips up people to beat the hell out of people … Say goodbye. I’m done!” 

Whoopi was, so incensed she had to get host Sara Haines to wrap up the segment and go to commercial.But the drama didn’t end there, because Jeanine Pirro is a vile human being. In front of the audience, Pirro stood, ripped off her microphone, called all the women of The View ‘cocksuckers’ and stormed off.

Well, Whoopi had already left the stage, top cool off, when Pirro decided to walk past her. A source says:

“Jeanine could have walked by her. There was one more segment to do. She could have walked by her easily, she put her finger in her face and said, ‘I’ve done more for abused women than you will ever do’ and that’s when Whoopi said, ‘You and I have never had a problem,’ before everything else was said.”

And then she allegedly shouted:

“F**k you! Get the f**k out of here.”

Whoopi ended the show by apologizing to the audience for the blowup:

“You saw me do something I very rarely do … I very rarely lose my cool and I’m not proud of it. I don’t like it. But I also don’t like being accused of being hysterical because that is one of the things I try not to be on this show.”

Jeanine took her side to TMZ and played the victim card because, well, Fox News, GOP< _____:

“Look, I don’t mind four against one, I can handle it, but I don’t like being mistreated by people who invited you to have a discussion and then treat you like you’re less than human.”

I may remind you … “cocksucker.” That’s what Pirro said.

And, because it’s TV and everyone has a show, the next morning, Whoopi took on the tale again:

“She seemed to leave some key points out. She left a lot of pertinent stuff out…There’s a lot of spinning she’s doing and I can’t do anything about that but I can tell you what went on. She was upset when she got here because Ana Navarro was here instead of Joy [Behar]. After the segment, which ended up when it was supposed to, she then called everybody at the table a name I cannot repeat on TV [cocksucker] and said it in front of the audience.”

Whoopi went on:

“When I came offstage…I was a little hot. She came off. She could have just passed me. She didn’t need to stop but she stopped and put her finger in my face and yelled ‘I’ve done more for victims than you ever will.’ Then I said to her some few choice words [f**k you] that I cannot repeat. But I did not spit on her. I did not intimidate her. No one chased her out. But she did leave her cursing at the people who book the show, she cursed at the guys who do the security for the show…None of us were chasing her because we still had another segment to do.”

And then Pirro took the story to her own show, the lop-sided, one-sided, _____-sided, Fox News channel and basically said this is about hatred for ______:

“The level of hatred toward the 45th president of the United States is beyond anything we have seen in American history. He was once an icon sought after for movies, television, by politicians on both sides of the aisle, sports figures and yes, even the media. Then he ran for president. Now Donald Trump is the target of vitriol so palpable it’s simply frightening. And reason has become irrelevant. We can’t have conversations anymore. What you’re doing is tearing down America. You’re tearing down the values of the United States. Everyone has the right to speak. But when you can’t even listen to what someone has to say because you despise the man who is president, you undermine not the president, you undermine the United States.”

Wait, he’s sought after for movies? Is she is publicist now? And, again, calling Mexicans vile names, calling all Muslims terrorists, being a misogynistic pig, cozying up to murderous dictators, groping women, calling Nazis ‘nice people’ are not the actions of a man with American values.

It’s hate, and Jeanine Pirro is doing what she can to help _____ out by doing what she, Fox News, the GOP and _____do best … lie. And, with that, Jeanine came off as an hysterical shrew … cocksucker … sticking up for hate and racism and sexual predators, but again, Fox News, the GOP and _____.

PS _____ gave Jeanine 20K when she ran against Hillary for New York Senate and lost in spectacular fashion, and ever since then she’s been smooching the flabby orange ass.

Random Musings

Ivanka _____ was in Germany this week, attending a women’s summit and getting booed for saying her father, AKA PussyGrabber, empowers women.

At the same time, PussyGrabber, AKA President _____, was hosting UN Ambassadors at the White House and asked those assembled if his pick for USs Ambassador, Nikki Haley, was being nice to them; he then added, “If she isn’t, we’ll get rid of her.”

Ah, that’s empowering.

There was a recent piece of legislation proposed in Maryland called the Rape Survivor Family Protection Act, which would have allowed women who have children as a result of rape to block the rapists’ parental rights.

See, if a woman chooses to raise the child herself, it could mean her rapist would become a part of her life for the next 18 years; or, the rapist could hinder efforts to place the child up for adoption by demanding parental rights.

The panel reportedly ran out of time on the last day of the state’s General Assembly and let the legislation fall by the wayside.  The Assembly isn’t set to reconvene until Jan. 10, 2018. Maryland remains one of seven states without a law that protects women from being forced to share custody with their rapists.

Oh, and before I forget, there was not one single woman on that panel; it was a group of men who let that legislation fall by the wayside.

The first season of Feud ended Sunday and it was fabulouuuuuus! Now, they’re working on Season Two about Princess Diana’s tumultuous marriage. But, because the show is so popular, the third season is in the works and creator Ryan Murphy has said it will be gay-themed.

As if Feud: Bette & Joan wasn’t gay-themed? But I digress ...

Since he’s done female-on-female and male-on-female face-offs, he’s got a male-on-male feud in mind:

“I have one good idea, but I have to get the right actors. It’s something Mark Ruffalo and I had talked about hearing. He’s a buddy of mine from The Normal Heart, so we talked about something, but I don’t know yet. I haven’t locked into it.”

Beyond that, though, his lips are sealed—he won’t begin Season three for another year—so we’ve got time for the details, but ...

Who do you think a gay-themed third season of Feud should involve?

So ... two new shows, two hot men.

Starz has a new bodice-ripper, The White Princess, about King Henry VII and Elizabeth of York. It stars Jacob Collin’s Levy, right, as Henry and, well, I’ll just say, one episode in, Henry has a fine ass.

Also, Showtime has Guerrilla, about the Civil Rights movement in England in the 1970s and it stars perennial Hot Man, Idris Elba—left ... swoon—although he’s wearing an awful haircut in this one; still, he’s Idris Elba.

That’s all.

Shawn Barber, Canadian Olympic pole vault champion, has come out as gay in a Facebook post:

“Gay and proud! Thank you to my parents for being such a great support. I continue to grow as a person and have a great support group. My parents are my greatest support and have helped me through a lot recently. To my friends, you are always my friends and I love you too!”

Of course he’s gay, I said to Carlos, he’s a “pole” vaulter. He's also a hottie.

I apologize for that, and send Shawn, a hottie in his own right, a copy of The Gay Agenda and the Official Coming Out Toaster Oven from HOMO HQ.

Welcome out, Shawn.

President _____ went to Walter Reed National Medical Center last Saturday where he awarded the Purple Heart to Army Sergeant First Class Alvaro Barrientos, saying:

"When I heard about this, I wanted to do it myself. Congratulations … tremendous.”

Congratulations on receiving a medal given to soldiers who were wounded or killed in battle.

I ‘m thinking most soldiers do go into battle hoping to be given a Purple Heart but then Draft Dodging Donald wouldn’t know that.

Erin Moran, Joanie from Happy Days and Joanie Loves Chachi, died this week and while most of her former castmates remembered her fondly, _____ supporter and all-around fuckmonkey, Scott Baio, said this about Moran:

“For me, you do drugs or drink, you’re gonna die. And I’m sorry if that’s cold, but… God gave you a brain, gave you the will to live and thrive, and you gotta take care of yourself.”

Erin Moran died of stage 4 cancer and Scott Baio is a heartless dick.

I was born in Biloxi, Mississippi, but remember nothing about it because we moved to California when I was six months old and I have never been back.

That may change because, this week, Biloxi has made the decision to remove the Mississippi state flag from all city buildings because it bears the Confederate battle as part of its design.

That symbol of hate will no longer fly in Biloxi; good on them.

Embattled homophobic Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore lost his effort to regain his job this week when the Alabama Supreme Court upheld his suspension for urging defiance of that federal ruling regarding same-sex marriage.

Moore, unhinged as ever, lashed out at the ruling, saying he considers his suspension to be both illegal and a "clear disregard of the will of the people who elected me chief justice."

Except that, as a judge, you fuckmonkey, you failed to follow the law.

Moore is said to be considering a run for the Alabama Senate.

Seriously, Alabama? You look bad enough already; don’t make it worse by electing this idiot to any other public office.

So, there’s a new film being shopped around that would chronicle Madonna’s early years—when she was relevant—as a recording artist in New York in the 1980s; Elyse Hollander’s script for Blond Ambition topped the 2016 “Black List,” an annual ranking of the best unproduced screenplays in Hollywood. Michael De Luca, who produced Fifty Shades of Grey, is set to produce but there are no details on who will play Madge.

There are all kinds of details about how Madge feels about the idea though ... she is not happy and took her mood to Instagram:

“Nobody knows what I know and what I have seen. Only I can tell my story. Anyone else who tries is a charlatan and a fool ... Looking for instant gratification without doing the work. This is a disease in our society.”

Funny she says that now, but failed to ever say it about any other film biography.

How long until she describes the film as a kind of rape or an anti-women idea?

Sit down Madge.

Lord, the things people make, the things people buy, and the prices they pay for them.

Apparently Fergie created a pair of holey jeans with a fake piss stain on the crotch and was charging $2,300 a pair for them. Seriously; the “I Pissed Myself” jeans?

But now, another loony entrepreneur, PRPS, is selling a pair of $425 jeans for people who want to look like they’ve been working in the farm all day but don’t want to actually work in the farm all day.

Yes, the jeans are designed to look as though you’ve been working in the mud all day. On the Nordstrom website they’re described like this:

“Heavily distressed medium-blue denim jeans in a comfortable straight-leg fit embody rugged, Americana workwear that’s seen some hard-working action with a crackled, caked-on muddy coating that shows you’re not afraid to get down and dirty.”

Come on down to Smallville; I’m headed to Goodwill to stock up on old jeans that I’m going throw in a mud puddle out back and sell for $300 a pair.

Or, a better idea, I’ll just head to the local high school and shove kids in the dirt and mud and charge them a hundred bucks for my Fashion Advice.

Until I get arrested ...

Random Musings

The first season of FX’s Feud: Bette & Joan hasn’t even started yet—it’s this Sunday, March 5, set your DVRs—but that hasn’t stopped FX from ordering a second season from creator Ryan Murphy.

And season two’s feud? Feud: Charles & Diana! No word on whether this will be the whole marriage, or just the final few years.

But still, since they can’t do Feud: Hillary & Donald, this is the next best thing.

San Francisco has never been a city to shy away from saying what it feels and, well, now this ...

Beginning on February 23rd, and continuing on, San Francisco City Hall will light up with the colors of the transgender flag—pink, white, and light blue—in response to _____’s roll back of protections for transgender students.

I think it looks gorgeous.

So, I was watching GMA this week and they were set to announce the latest contestants on Dancing With The ‘Hey, Didn’t You Used To Be Somebody?’ Stars. And amazingly enough one person who was ALLEGED to have been asked said, “Oh hell no.”

Hillary Clinton. Seriously. They asked Hillary Clinton to appear on their bumbling show.

I mean, who did they think she was: Rick Perry?

In Good LGBT News ... Arizona Wildcats recruit My-King Johnson will become the first openly gay football scholarship player in the NCAA.

King had verbally committed to UCLA before flipping to Arizona possibly, and I don’t know if this is for sure, but possibly because, when he told UA assistant coach Vince Amey about his orientation, Amey said:

“We want you to be a Wildcat.”

And that was what Johnson wanted to hear, and now he’s become a trailblazer of sorts:

“I do feel like when I say that, it can put a target on my back, but whatever.”

Exactly.

Good luck My-King ... ooh, that sounds kinda odd!

So Bates Motel is back for its final season and Mother is dead and Norman’s lost his mind and bodies are piling up at the motel.

And Rihanna is set to play the Janet Leigh role—stabbed in the shower, you know—as the season, and series ends but ...

First we have Austin Nichols, as the husband of a woman, a live woman, that Norman thinks looks suspiciously like Mother.

And Austin might not be such a good guy, but he is deliciously, evilly hot ... Carry on.

Damn it. A week or so ago American Horror Story creator Ryan Murphy was on Watch What Happens Live and suggested that the next season of the fright-fest might be the scariest ever because it was going to be based on the election last fall of _____.

Talk about horror! But now Murphy is saying he might have been a wee bit drunk when he said that and walked that idea back:

“The themes of ‘American Horror Story’ have always been allegories. You will not see [Donald] Trump and [Hillary] Clinton as characters on the show.”

He did mention, though, that AHS favorite, Sarah Paulson, would make a perfect Minister of Propaganda and AlternativeFactoid.

While I might have enjoyed a horror version of that horrible election, the idea of reliving that mess for a few months might have been too much even for me.

I love this story ... did you know that when you donate to Planned Parenthood you receive a Thank You letter? And if you donate in someone else’s name they receive a Thank You note? That happened last year when thousand s of folks donated to the cause in the name of Mike Pence and he received thousands of Thank You’s.

And now folks have been donating to Planned Parenthood in the name of Greg Locke, the pastor of something called Global Vision Bible Church and poor Greg has gone off on Facebook ...

‘SINCE PLANNED PARENTHOOD IS TAKING HUNDREDS OF DONATIONS IN MY NAME, I’LL REPOST THIS VIDEO. THIS IS ONE FIGHT I WILL NOT BACK DOWN FROM.”

Easy on the all-caps, Cowboy! Who do you think you are, the president?

Locke is anti-gay, anti-women’s right, anti-choice, anti-transgender, and even went last year posting videos denouncing Target’s gender-neutral bathroom policy.

Locke is also known as a “pervert hunter” though he might not be so good at that because just three years ago he hired a youth pastor who was later arrested on multiple counts of raping a thirteen-year-old girl.

So, if you wish to donate to PP, do it in Greg Locke’s name. Thank you.

So that picture ... of Kellyanne Conway, propped up on the couch in the Oval office looking like a stuffed, dumbassed lapdog, after taking a picture of Hair Furor with representatives from Historically Black Colleges and Universities.

What a display of disrespect from the C U Next Tuesday except .... Kellyanne is the victim, y’all:

“I was very busy today and didn’t follow a lot of [the controversy] but I know there are a couple of reports at least showing what happened. And what happened is we had the largest gathering of men and women to date in the Oval Office for a picture. I was being asked to take a picture in a crowded room with the press behind us. I was asked to take a certain angle and was doing exactly that. I certainly meant no disrespect, I didn’t mean to have my feet on the couch. It is venomous, it is vicious, it bothers my children to be frank with you. I have 24/7 Secret Service protection because people do wish us harm and people should take that very seriously. I’m not a victim at all but people should take very seriously the import of their words when I meant no disrespect. This came from a journalist that is not happy that Donald Trump is the President. But I just want people to focus on the great work of the HBCU presidents and how honored we were to have them here.”

Um, Kellyanne, you remarkably dip-shitted tool? No one questions the angle at which you took the picture, but we are wondering why you propped your foul ass on the couch like one of the Queen’s prized Corgi’s and then, after the photo, played tag the picture on Facebook while still sitting on the couch like a dog.

Show some respect in the last days you have in this job. You are an embarrassment. You knew you were being photographed because you said you were in front of a slew of photographers. Seriously, bitch, and I mean that in the most disrespectful way possible, is there one topic about which you will not lie?

That’s a rhetorical question.

Now get off the couch and get back in your kennel.