Snarky Thoughts

I’m not sure how many times Tom Brady got sacked this year but me thinks his brain rattled around in his melon a little longer than necessary because after losing his shot at another Super Bowl, he spewed up some nonsense about how he wants his three children—Jack, Benjamin, and Vivian—to experience a little bit of failure in their lives because he believes it will help them build character.

My Thought: This from a man who ended his marriage because he wouldn’t give up his dream of being the winningest winner ever?

Sidenote: No Super Bowl for Brady this year, loser.

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Somewhere screenwriter Diablo Cody is enjoying a bit of karma after the news broke that Universal Pictures has scrapped the Madonna bio-pic that was to be directed by Madonna, co-written by Madonna and Diablo Cody, and starring approved-by-Madonna, Julia Warner.

My Thought: No one other than Madonna was interested in this being made.

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After Chris Brown showed his massive wardrobe on Instagram collection, calling his closet a department store with hundreds of items on display, he was slapped with two federal tax liens from the IRS for $2,245,561.50 and $1,059,967.78, and a bill from California for some $739,067.48 in back taxes. Brown has been ordered to pay the nearly $4M at once or both the feds and California will move in  to collect.

My Thought: Don’t show off your wealth all over social media if you aren’t paying your taxes.

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Where in the world is Cult of Scientology leader David Miscavige is missing, or in hiding, to avoid being served with a lawsuit ALLEGING that he was involved in child trafficking. The federal lawsuit, brought by a group of plaintiffs who were formerly in the Sea Org–a strict group within Scientology–claims Miscavige trafficked them as children, and their lawyers have been trying to serve Miscavige for over four-months, but he has been in hiding.

My Thought: I wonder if he's hiding in the same as his wife, Shelley Miscavige, who's been missing not seen in public for over fifteen years.

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If you’ve ever watched Bridgerton then you know the beauty that is Regé-Jean Page. But what you don’t know, is that science, er, British plastic surgeon Dr. Julian De Silva, claimed to have proof that Regé-Jean is the most handsome man on the planet ... those are his stats below.

My Thought: He’s kinda dreamy, sweet hot, but y’all know I have a closet full of Husbands In My Head who best Regé-Jean at every turn. What’s your take?

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It's Snarkurday!

I am not into footballer Cristiano Ronaldo. He’s a little too plucked and primped and gelled and lotioned for me, but, ALLEGEDLY, that’s just fine with Badr Hari, a Moroccan kickboxer, with whom it is ALLEGED that Cristiano is having an ALLEGED gay old time.

It all began with reports in Spain that claimed Madrid officials — and Madrid is a team, not just a city — were concerned about Ronaldo’s lifestyle affecting his performances. See, it seems Ronaldo frequently flies to North Africa after sessions with his team to spend time with Hari.  And, because of that, Daniel Riolo, host of France’s ‘Touche pas a mon sport’, hinted that pair were more than just friends:

“Ronaldo takes three or four jets a week to see a friend in Morocco to cuddle.”

And, well, the pictures Hari posts on social media do show a holiday vacation he took with Cristiano … with Cristiano being lifted up in Hari’s arms above the caption:

“Just married. Always there to pick you up, bro”.

And other pictures show a candle-lit image of a traditional Moroccan meal, as well as a picture of the “couple” pair post “wedding”.

Now, to be fair, Ronaldo has been linked with every hot female swimsuit model currently alive on the planet but … Ronaldo’s love of fashion, accessories and grooming have always led people to question his sexuality in the past, and he’s responded quite vaguely:

“I’m at ease with my sexuality so it’s not a problem for me.”

So maybe gay … maybe not?

Kim and Kanye named their new baby boy, Saint.

Saint West.

Again, this is what happens when Big Ego marries Big Ass.

Speaking of “maybe gay” … Tom Cruise and David Miscavige? I mean, they’re both single now that Katie Holmes Shawshanked Cruise and Miscavige’s wife has “disappeared.”

The Daily Mail has interviews with several former Scientologists who dish the dirt on how much quality time Cruise and his BFF, megalomaniac Scientology leader Miscavige spend together in Scientology compounds around the globe where the two men are waited on hand and foot by Scientology minions who work 24/7 for next to nothing.

Cruise stays for months in a luxurious Scientology-owned villa in Hemet, California, smack dab between a giant mansion built for L. Ron Hubbard’s return — Scientologists think L. Ron will come back in another body and will need a mansion in which to live — and his BFF Miscavige.

And Gary Morehead, former Co$ head of security, says this has lead to a “real bromance between [Cruise and Miscavige]. They do everything together – travel, exercise and cigar smoke together.” He even relates how Miscavige joined Tom and Katie on their honeymoon.

And Morehead says that Tommy is trapped in Scientology and will never ever leave the cult … of his BFF:

“I know people who have worked with Cruise and he’s in it for life. Imagine if you were Tom Cruise – to admit to yourself that you were wrong, it’s a huge blowout. To admit that you’d been hoaxed, that would be very hard to accept.”

Especially when you’re nuts.

There are some celebrities that seem like normal people and act like normal people, and then there’s Madonna … nothing normal about her.

After her show in London, Madge left the O2 Arena, but the streets were overflowing with people and cars also leaving the concert and so Madonna … Madonna … was forced to sit in traffic like regular people; and she was not having it.

Her driver pulled out a flashing red light, placed it on the dashboard and then cut right though traffic playing like he was a police officer; and The Sun, a London paper, has pictures of it, witnesses, who say that, in addition to the flashing lights, there was also a siren blaring from the car.

Well, that siren blaring could have been just Madonna “singing.”

At any rate, now Scotland Yard is investigating and if anyone is hit with charges, it would be Madge’s driver … and you know she’ll sell him down the river because that’s how that bitch rolls.

Let’s recap: Back in May, Johnny Depp was filming Pirates of Caribbean 5: Nobody Cares Anymore in Australia and his new wife, “actress” Amber Heard joined him in Queensland, along with their dogs, Pistol and Boo, via private plane. Heard never got the proper paperwork on the dogs and didn’t follow the proper protocols involved with bringing foreign animals into Australia.

It was all a big to-do with Aussie Agriculture Minister Barnaby Joyce going so far as to say he would have Boo and Pistol euthanized, and Amber calling Joyce a famewhore. But, she ended up taking the dogs out of the country, and both Amber and Johnny said they’d never be back … unless there is going to be a Pirates of Caribbean 6: Who The F**k Asked For This.

Still, she was charged with “illegally importing” the dogs and here’s the update: Heard plans to plead not guilty to charges of ALLEGEDLY and illegally sneaking the dogs into Australia and, through her lawyer, because Amber can’t speak without a script, she says she  will fight charges  although she respects “the importance of Australian laws.”

Guffaw. She’s just the spoiled wannabe actress wife of a spoiled fading film star who doesn’t think the rules apply to her.

If found guilty, Heard could face up to 10 years in prison and a $75,000 fine for the two counts of illegal importation as well as up to one year in prison and a $7,500 fine for the ALLEGED false documents.

The good news? Prison could keep her from, ahem, “acting” any more and that way we all win.

Mandy Moore likes her animals, and apparently she likes them so much she wants her soon-to-be ex-husband, Ryan Adams, to pay, um, pet support?

Ryan filed for divorce back in January, and 11 months later, nothing is finalized because they are The Bickersons over who will pay the mortgage on the house — in which she currently lives and yet he pays half the mortgage — and who will pay for their pets.  Yup, the divorce isn’t final because Moore and Adams can’t reach an agreement on money or what to do with their eight pets. 

Moore is whining that her annual income is just a quarter of his and so she needs cash money for the animals:

“I feel as if I have no alternative. Although I love our pets, it is overwhelming for me to take care of eight of them all of the time, even while I travel for work … Without Ryan’s help caring for the house and our pets, I have not been able to work as much as I would like.”

So, she wants the court to order Ryan to pay her $37,000 a month for her and their pets.

Oh yeah, he makes $151,000 a month and Moore makes a paltry $37,500 a month, not enough to care for herself and felines and canines, so she desperately needs that extra 35K a month.

Seriously, Mandy? It’s time to take a seat and think for a moment.

And, speaking of divorce settlements …

Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas — who have been split up for a looong time — have only just now completed the asset-splitting portion of their divorce, and Melanie will be getting a whopping $65,000 a month in spousal support.

Now, they do have a daughter together, but Stella in 19 so this 65K isn’t child support; it’s all Melanie.

According to final divorce docs, Antonio made a lot of coins on “The Mask of Zorro,” “Desperado,” and “Spy Kids” and he will keep all that cash; Melanie, likewise, will keep all her film earnings from … What? “Working Girl”? I mean, what else has she done since the 80s?

Still, the deal is that  Melanie and Antonio split money from every movie either of them did between 2004 and 2014, including “Shrek 2,” “Puss in Boots,” “Machete Kills,” “Expendables 3″ and all the others that Antonio did while Melanie sat at home taking a long soak.

Rich people problems; though it makes me wonder, how can I get Antonio to marry me so I can get 65K a month, too?

Tom And Xenu Won't Be happy

The Church of Scientology is having a tough time of late and, well, it kind of makes me giggle.

First off, let's talk Europe in general, France, in particular, where Scientology was recently convicted of fraud and fined $900,000.00. The courts did, however, stop just short of banning the group's activities in France. Of course, the French branch of Scientology likened the conviction and fine to sort of a modern-day Inquisition, and Tommy Davis, spokes-flack for Scientology, questioned the attention given to the French verdict when the church won court victories in Italy and Russia.

But then Scientology felt the sting of Paul Haggis' resignation from the church, and his open letter to L.Ron Hubbard successor, David Miscavige. Haggis' main complaint with the church is that it didn't do enough to distance itself from proponents of Prop H8--California's marriage equality ban--and he also criticized a church practice of "smearing" high-level defectors who'd left the church and then spoken about it. The filmmaker is also disgusted with another church practice called "disconnection," in which members cut off contact with loved ones who leave or advocate against the religion--something Tommy Davis said is not mandated, though he didn't deny that it is a church practice.

Tommy Davis says these top-level defections, lawsuits and letters as not troubling at all, but rather a gain for the church. Talk about turning lemons in lemonade, or, er, Kool-Aid.

Then there is the story from former Scientology defectors who told of an alleged culture of violence and control under David Miscavige. Four former high-ranking Scientology executives who said they witnessed Miscavige, chairman of the board that oversees the church, hit staff members dozens of times and urged others to do the same. The church has denied the allegations against Miscavige, portraying the accusers as merely disgruntled ex-employees, and Tommy Davis called the allegations "absolutely, unquestionably false" and "sickening and outrageous."

And Davis goes on to stress that, even with these court battles, denouncements and defections from Scientology, the movement is flourishing, with upwards of 8,000 churches, missions and groups in 160-plus nations, and he claims that assets and property holdings have doubled over the past five years.

This makes me wonder if it's a church or a business? I wonder, because they spend more time telling you how much they've amassed in terms of property and capital, but not really discussing what it is that they do. "From our perspective, things are going pretty great," Davis said. "In fact, that's downplaying it. Actually, what's happening with the church right now is frankly spectacular. To the degree there are these various things happening, it really is a lot of noise."

And yet, a survey of American religion shows Scientology numbers on the decline in the U.S. In 2001, the estimated numbers of Americans who called themselves Scientologists was approximately 55,000, but as of 2008 the number had fallen to just 25,000.

Tommy Davis, still squeezing lemons, and creating spin, says that the church avoids memberships estimates, but then says it's "absolutely in the millions" globally and growing in the United States.

Controversy isn't new to Scientology. In fact, after a nearly forty year battle, in 1993 the IRS granted the Church tax exemption, even though critics maintain that Scientology is a business, preying on people by charging exorbitant sums for services. And it's chock-full-o-celebrities, from Tom Cruise to Lisa Marie Presley, John Travolta to Kirstie Alley, and perhaps even Will Smith, though he denies any affiliation.

So, what will become of the Church of Scientology? Will it overcome the bad press and, one day, be as accepted as the Mormon Church and Jehovah's Witnesses, which also endured a time of attacks and speculation of wrongdoing? And what of the defections of leaders and members? They are those who say that, while the defections hurt, they are but a minor setback.

"If five cardinals walked out of the Roman Catholic Church and turned on it and said there are bad things happening, it'd be a storm, but the church would weather the storm," said J. Gordon Melton, director of the Institute for the Study of American Religion. "I think Scientology is big enough to where it can and will weather the storm."

But some believe that Scientology is in trouble. Along with the defections and the French court setback, Scientology has been unable to stop Internet leaks of confidential material for which members must pay a premium; Hugh Urban, a professor at Ohio State University, calls that their "bread and butter."

And rumors still swirl over which celebrity or high ranking official will be next to leave. If you put money on Tom Cruise, I'd think again.