The Funny Papers

Bill Day, David Horsey, Jim Morin, Clay Bennett, Randy Bish, Jimmy Margulies, Mike Lucovich 

Random Musings

So … Audra. I could sum up her performance with one word: flawless. But y’all know I need more than one word, so ...

The voice is perfection.

The song choices are amazing.

She was gorgeous and funny and thoughtful and thought-provoking.

She talked of her support for marriage equality — she was one of the first — way back when it was just Massachusetts and Iowa—because, as she said it, she’s a beneficiary of the Civil Rights movement, and without that movement back in the 60s, she might not have been able to stand on a stage in Greenville, South Carolina and sing before a mixed audience.

She told a story of playing the Mother Superior in NBC’s live version of The Sound of Music, and how, during the live airing, the actors couldn’t leave the soundstage for fear that the noise from doors opening and closing would be heard on TV. So the actors sat in cubbyholes backstage and, since they also had to keep quiet, Audra live Tweeted the show with her daughter Zoe, who told her that it was beautiful and sounded great and was a fabulous show. Audra texted her back saying she had to go, she was up to sing ‘Climb Every Mountain,’ and when she returned to her phone, hoping to see what her daughter had said, she found this text:

“Do we have dryer sheets? I wanna do some laundry.”

Audra. Flawless.

In a case of ‘My How Things Change’ comes this tidbit … An LGBT community center has opened in Imperial County, California.  Not familiar with Imperial County? Well, here’s the back story:

After the passage of marriage equality in California, several anti-gay groups turned to the deeply conservative Imperial County because they needed a governmental body to defend Prop 8 when the state refused to do so.

Imperial County became the starting point for Prop Hate in 2008 and now, today, they have opened their first LGBT community center.

Times do change, though the march still goes on …

Early next year there's a big change coming to Playboy magazine. No more nudes; citing easy access to nekkid pictures via the internet, Playboy will stop with the nude pictorials.

So I guess folks really will be reading it for the articles.

We missed the democratic debates because of Audra and that was all well and good with me, but I did see a few snaps of that hot guy on my television later on.

Martin O'Malley. If I was a shallow type, or, let’s be real, a more shallow type, I might vote for him for president just to ogle him during each and every news conference and State of the Union Address.

Pedro Redding has been charged in the gang assault and murder of trans woman Keisha Jenkins last week in Philadelphia ... original post HERE.

A judge arraigned Redding on murder, conspiracy and weapons charges noting that he was among a group of “neighborhood individuals” who go around the city’s Hunting Park section robbing people.

So far no other arrests have been made and, again, I wonder how this isn’t a Hate Crime since Keisha Jenkins was murdered — beaten and then shot twice — and not just robbed.

So, there’s a commercial for Campbell’s soup that starts off with a Dad feeding his son, and saying, “Luke, I’m your father.” The camera pans back and there’s another man, who also says, “No, Luke, I am your father.”

Two gay dads feeding soup to their child and One Million Moms Seventy-Five-Thousand Moms wants a boycott.

You know what to do … to the soup aisle at your local grocer and stock up on Campbell’s!

American Horror Story: Hotel. Seriously? You expect me to believe that Lady Gaga would toss aside Matt Bomer for Finn Wittrock?

I mean, Finn can wittrock a pair of black lace briefs, but he’s no Matt Bomer.

Just saying …

So, the CW has cancelled America’s Top Model… about ten years too, late is what I’m thinking. But, Tyra Banks, who gave the world “smizing” — smiling with your eyes — is now giving us crazing, er, crying, and lyzing, um, lying, as she released this statement to Instagram:

TYRA MAIL! 

Thinking #ANTM #cycle22 should be our last cycle. Yeah, I truly believe it’s time. Our diehard fans know we’ve expanded the definition of beauty, presented what Flawsome is, tooched and booched and boom boom boomed, shown the world how to show their neck, rocked couture/catalogue/commercial poses, have found our (and your) light, strutted countless runways, gone on tons of go-sees, added guys to the girls mix, and have traveled around the globe and back again. Yeah, it’s time. It really is.

Wow, I am SO proud of what Top Model has done.

Bitch please. The CW kicked you to the curb. And, um, please to explain exactly what it has done?

Another Republican, Richard Hanna a New York Congressman, says the House Select Committee on Benghazi was formed solely to go after the reputation of former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.

And let the Teabaggers begin the Hanna Bashing, though I might ask that, even if you don’t like Hillary Clinton, you’re okay with the GOP spending millions and millions of your tax dollars on a fake investigation?

Just saying.

Lamar Odom is reportedly still in a coma today after being found unconscious after an ALLEGED four-day coke binge at a Las Vegas whorehouse.

The whorehouse is not ALLEGED, however. But, true to form, the Kardastrophes have taken to brooms and flown to his side, after first stopping in hair and makeup and wardrobe, and brought along a camera crew because, well, if they don’t sell it to TV it didn’t happen.

To be fair, the Kardastrophe news channel, AKA TMZ, says the show is on hiatus so there were no cameras, but this is That Woman and her family so I’m kinda thinking that’s a lie because … November sweeps.

Extra! Extra! WTF? Kate Moss

Kate Moss, on the cover of Playboy ... if you're into that sort of thing.

Not a bad picture, I guess, but, is it just me, or does she look twenty from the neck down and much, much older from the neck up.

Do I smell a body double?

Do I smell a lack of Photshop on the face?

Do I smell toast burning? Am I having a stroke?

Miss Kenny Chesney

Bald On................................................Bald Off.

Kenny Chesney, some country singer, I guess, who was married to Renee Zellwiger for about a minute, tells Playboy that he's definitely not gay and has well over 100 women who could attest to that.

One hundred woman.
Does that make you 'not gay?'
Or does it make you a sex-obsessed little pricked dickhead?

Kenny says, and I quote: "Man, I was over 100 several years ago. There were years when I had a better summer than A-Rod, buddy. You know? I got on the boards quite often."

I think I threw up a little in my mouth.

I get so sick of these so-called 'straight' boys bitching and moaning because someone said they were gay.

Boo-hoo.

There are worse things that I could call you Miss Chesney.

Howsabout bald-headed-limp-dicked-guitar-playing-sleep-with-anything-douchebag-who-uses-his-celebrity-to-screw-women-and-then-brag-about-it-like-it's-a-good-thing?

Yeah, calling you gay is sooooo awful.

Piss off pissant.