Random Musings

Well, this didn’t work out as planned, or as promised.

Back when Pope Frankie paid a visit to Philadelphia, it was reported that the World Meeting of Families — whatever that is — would cover all costs for the papal visit, except …

They won’t, and now the city of Philadelphia, er, the people of the city of Philadelphia and Pennsylvania, are on the hook for roughly half of the $17 million it took to cover "Frankie Goes To Philly."

Eight million bucks? Why that’s just half of Frankie’s yearly shoe budget at Prada.

I kinda have always liked John Stamos. He was cute as a younger actor, but he’s quite hot now.

So, why John, why, did you take a page from the Kardastrophe playbook and pose for Paper magazine bare-assed?

I mean, I like that you’re bare-assed — it’s a nice ass ... though I’ve seen better — but when you take the lead from one of that Klan it just seems pathetic and try hard.

UPDATE: Y’all remember last week I posted about Lake Lure Academy in North Carolina that banned all school groups after some parents got all pissy about the formation of an LGBT group? If now, the refresher is HERE.

Anyway, the brass at the school responded to a warning letter from the ACLU of North Carolina by voting night to resume all student-led clubs:

"To the students who are currently in the newly-formed gay-straight alliance, or any student who may wish to participate in the future, we respect you as individuals and support you as members of our school family. We support your club just as we do the chess club, Raptors for Christ and all other clubs that exist or may form under our policy guidelines. Our school is a place of inclusion, not exclusion."

That should’a been the policy long before some parents got involved.

So, on the heels of that terrorist attack in San Bernardino last week, Republican of course, Nevada Assemblywoman Michele Fiore released her holiday card featuring everyone, save the toddlers, armed and loaded … because nothing says Christmas like Lunatics with Guns:

“It’s up to Americans to protect America. We’re just your ordinary American family. - With love & liberty, Michele.”

Um, no you’re not, Michelle, You and your clan have stolen Christmas for the NRA and nothing says Jesus is the reason for the season like this idiotic display.

Go f**k yourselves.

Speaking of crazy … there’s a little less crazy down in the Lonestar State … for the moment.

Last week Texas GOP leaders voted down two controversial proposals:

1] Calling yet again for the state to secede from the Union — though a lot of us would be like, “Don’t let the door hit you, where the Good lord split you.”

2] The call to move the party’s convention out of Dallas over that city’s recent decision to strengthen LGBT protections. 

Yup, even Texas gets it right … sometimes.

Okay, it’s enough already.

Ever since her mother died last year Melissa Rivers has been riding Joan’s coattails harder than ever. She posts from mama’s Facebook page, she gives interviews to talk about her mother; she took over hosting of the Fashion Police after Joan’s death and Kathy Griffin’s disastrous attempts to revive the brand, and now this …

Melissa says that David O. Russell asked her if she would do a little cameo as the late Joan Rivers in Joy and she did it. Yes, she’s now playing her own mother on film.

I’m getting “Joan Crawford playing her daughter Christina’s character in that soap opera” realness and it’s making me ill.

Enough already!

It's Snarkurday!

So, a lot of people are speculating as to what Kim Kardastrophe and her husband, Kanye Kardastrophe, will be naming their second child.

And it won’t be a South West sibling for North West because, well, let’s have Kim toss a word salad explanation:

“I don’t like South West, though, because that’s like – you know, North will always, you know, be better… And be more – she has a better direction….so I wouldn’t do that. I don’t think we’ll go with another direction.”

Huh? Hopefully, whatever they name this child it will grow up to be able to structure a coherent thought, unlike Mommy.

There’s already a problem with the new ABC show, The FAB Life, starring Tyra Banks and Chrissy Teigen, and, no, it’s not just because it stars Tyra and Chrissy, though that would seem enough. It seems the former BigForeHeaded supermodel and the current GoingCommando supermodel don’t speak … at all.

A source — and it ain’t Lohan because that would be a threesome of hot messes — says:

“You never put two supermodels on the same show together, especially when one’s more than 10 years younger than the other. They are so different. Tyra thinks about everything. She thinks about what to say, down to when to move her arm. Chrissy is from the new school, where she says whatever she wants.”

Tyra needs to think about where to move her arm, and Chrissy doesn’t think at all. M’kay. I smell Supermodel D-i-saster.

Actress — well, I’ll use the term ‘actress’ loosely, because she has just two expressions: Mopey and Pouty — Kristen Stewart is apparently done with men after her boyfriend, Sparkles The Vampire, Robert Pattinson, dumped her after she boned her married director.

Yup, KStew has a girlfriend, y’all, and we can thank her mama Jules for the scoop, after Jules said this to the Sunday Mirror:

“What’s not to be accepting about her now having a girlfriend? She’s happy. She’s my daughter; I’m just her mom so she knows I would accept her choices. I’ve met Kristen’s new girlfriend, I like her. What’s not to accept? She’s a lovely girl.”

Except now Jules is saying she never said that:

“I spoke to Sharon Feinstein about my film K-11 that has been put on display in the Hollywood Museum.  … She also asked me about my views on gay rights, which I was happy to express. Then we talked briefly about the fundraiser I am hosting for TheWolfConnection.org. Never ever did we discuss Kristen!” 

Jules is maintaining that all she ever said about KStew’s ALLEGED girl-toy, Alicia Cargile, is that she’d met her as her daughter’s personal assistant … uh huh … and all she ever said was “She’s a lovely girl.”

Now the only issue is that the interviewer, Sharon Feinstein, says she has the tapes of Jules talking about her Lesbian daughter and she’ll release them. And do I’m guessing KStew will finally reveal a new facial expression: Pissed Off At Mom.

It looks like it might not be all Gay Happy Heaven in the Elton John and David Furnish household. Rumor has it — I miss Adele … but I digress — that Furnish is cheating on John, and actually bought his new boy-toy, personal trainer, Danny,  a £300,000 house. The pair met during a “night out” and has spent a lot of time together in the past year while Elton’s been busy working and touring.

Ruh-roh. According to The Sun on Sunday newspaper, Land Registry documents from April 2013 show David paid more than £330,000 for a two-bed flat in South London and reportedly helped furnish and redecorate the pad.

David and Danny went on a number of holidays together and Danny even flew first class to Hawaii to celebrate David’s 51st birthday with him, as well as hanging out in London.

Now, Danny maintains he’s “just friends” with David … and Elton as well … but, well, how many friends buy their other friends houses?

Uh huh.

Shortbite:

Caitlyn Jenner is going to bank about $6 million for her E! reality show, which just proves that, even after transitioning, she’s as much a Kardastrophe as she was before.

I guess there really is life after death, because it appears that Fashion Police is coming back after Kathy Griffin, Kelly Osbourne and Giuliana Rancic bludgeoned it to death.

Oh, and to make sure it retains that Joan Rivers sense of humor, the new host will be that bastion of comedic entertainment, Melissa Rivers.

Seriously? And Melissa thinks Kathy tarnished Joan’s memory? I imagine Joan sitting in Heaven eating snacks with Liz Taylor and shouting:

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

It was just about this time last year that the story broke about JLo’s underage — I kid ... or do I — boyfriend, Casper Not-So-Smart banging a transsexual model named Sofia Vissa.

Well, JLo stuck it out with her cheating boyfriend for about a hot minute and then they “broke up.” Of course, we now know they never really broke up, and were back together before JLo’s nails could dry. But they kept up the lie, with JLo talking about being single and looking for love, and Casper looking like a pathetic high school boy without a date for prom, until that story died when we learned that the break up was a lie and the two had never really been apart.

So, they’re back together and it’s summer and, well, it looks like Casper’s cheating again … with Lebanese pop star Haifa Wehbe. Casper starred in and choreographed Haifa’s “Breathing You In” music video and allegedly started banging that pop star at about the same time that he started banging JLo again.

And it looks like JLo isn’t happy being sloppy seconds again, because just as Casper started negotiating to be in another Haifa “video” Mama JLo put her foot down and nixed the deal. So, are they gonna break up again, and then lie when they get back together, and then get back together on camera in time for Casper to find another side-piece?

Stay tuned … this is riveting stuff.

Caitlyn Jenner and That Woman must be so proud of their daughter.

Not the one who made a porn tape and then turned that into a career; not the one who married the drunk and gets pregnant every nine months; not the one who married and divorced the crack basketballer; and not the one who’s started modeling for all the biggies in fashion.

The other one; the underage one who seemingly does nothing but post her lips to Instagram and date a years older rapper, Tyga, who, after denying his relationship with Kylie because he’s basically guilty of statutory rape, released a new song that is ALLEGEDLY about his little girl toy, called Pleazer.

And it some of the lyrics in his “song” that are garnering a lot of attention because he seems to be bragging about banging a child called Kylie:

I just hit and forget they even existeded

Ha, it’s all the same though

I changed the lingo, gave her dangle, bury the dang ho

I’m fuckin’ faster, I’m gettin’ stronger

I hit her, she backwards, lickin’ her asshole

My dick is the password

T nasty, ’bout to catch a felony for it

Vagina juice like orange juice in the mornin’

Let’s not even go into the illiteracy, or the fact that the subject is disgusting, but let’s talk about how Tyga thinks he gonna catch a felony because the age of consent in California and Kylie, who began her relationship with Tyga in 2014, is only seventeen.

Tyga, who at first seemed to be bragging about banging a baby, now says he wrote the song two years ago and it was about his Baby Mama, Blac Chyna, and not Kylie except … Blac Chyna was never underage when she let Tyga dip his STD Wick into her — and create a child — so he would never catch a felony from that.

It’s about Kylie; it’s clear. But what remains unclear is why That Woman and Caitlyn are allowing this to happen; is it because Caitlyn is busy doing her own thing? Is it because That Woman negotiated a percentage of the profits from whoring out another of her children so as long as there are coins slipping into the bank accounts, she doesn’t care who, or what, schtups her child.

Lovely.

I Didn't Say It ...

David Letterman, the King of Late Night TV, on Jeb Bush’s opposition to same-sex marriage:

"Well, like it or not, the presidential campaign has already begun. Jeb Bush. Jeb Bush came out against same-sex marriage. Jeb Bush. Brother of the former president, son of the former, former president came out against same sex marriage. Also came out in favor of the Iraq War. He certainly is a different kind of Republican, isn't he? Jeb says, Jeb says that if you let gay people get married – this is Jeb Bush now talking – he says if you let gay people get married, next thing you know, women are going to want to vote."

Goin’ out on top!

[photo source]

Ger Brennan, Gaelic footballer, on why he's voting "No" in Ireland’s upcoming marriage referendum:

"I very nearly decided not to write this piece. I know I'll be targeted for it and labeled for it. It would have been easier to keep my mouth shut and not rock the boat. But I'm sick of the accusations being flung around that if you vote 'No' you are homophobic. I know I'm not homophobic; my gay friends and family can attest to that. I am voting "No" because I don't want our Constitution to deny that it is a good thing for a child to have a mother and a father."

So, um, Ger? Are your gay ‘friends’ happy that you think they’re less than? And are you planning on voting to make divorce illegal? Planning on making it illegal for people who don’t want, or can’t have, children, to get married?

Are you planning on removing children from all single parent homes?

Your arguments are idiotic, and your stance is homophobic.
[photo source]

Ted Cruz, hate-mongering, fear-spreading, lying:

“We are seeing today profound threats to religious liberty in America, I think the greatest threats we’ve ever seen. We’re a nation that was founded by men and women who were fleeing religious oppression and coming to seek out a land where everyone of us could worship God Almighty with all of our hearts, minds and souls, and that is under profound jeopardy today.”

Yes, we fled religious persecution and now you, and your ilk, are trying to use your religion to repress The Gays.
[photo source]

Melissa Rivers, on Kathy Griffin’s joining, the leaving, Fashion Police:

“I’m just going to say it wasn’t a match on a lot of levels. My biggest complaint was the feeling that she kind of sh*t all over my mother’s legacy in her statement on leaving. I know that that was not an intentional reading of it, but that’s how I felt … by calling the comedy and the style of it old fashioned. It’s like, I understand what you’re doing, you’re trying to save yourself, but don’t crap all over my mother to do it. And that’s how I felt and that was very personal, but as a professional that was her choice, that’s what she did, no harm no foul, it didn’t work, moving on.”

I love Kathy, but Kathy had no business trying to take over for Joan.

She is not now, nor will she ever be, Joan Rivers.
[photo source]

Rush Limbaugh, on the news that the number of Christina’s is declining:

“They have left their churches because of social issues and the evolution of their churches to social areas they didn't want to go and don't feel comfortable being in. If you look at the evangelical churches, they haven’t lost anything. Their membership is holding pretty steady. Where the message has remained, where the mission has remained the same, where the members of the church don’t think any corruption is taking place. They're still hanging in there.”

Actually, Rush, the Pew study shows that membership is down in all branches of religion, save Judaism, Islam and Buddhism.

And the people aren’t leaving because the churches changed; they’re leaving because the churches won’t change.
[photo source]

I Didn't Say It ...

Dan Savage, on Marcus Bachmann's orientation [ALLEGEDLY] and his "ex-gay" therapy clinics:

“It’s so sad and pathetic. A lot of the self-destructive behaviors gay people are prone to drifting into are directed inward, and then you have these sh*tbags like Marcus Bachmann for whom it’s all directed outward. Marcus Bachmann is the photo negative of the guy on the last bar stool in the gay bar, drinking and smoking himself to death, except instead of destroying himself, he’s destroying other vulnerable queer people in an effort to destroy the queer inside himself.”

How sad it must be, to be in such denial of who you are that you create a business in which to help other people feel ashamed of themselves.

Even if Marcus Bachmann isn’t gay, he should be ashamed of himself for his ex-gay therapies.

Pippa Middleton, on Kim Kardastrophe’s nude Paper magazine cover:

“No year is complete without a bottom story, and the ‘Rear of 2014’ award undoubtedly goes to Kim Kardashian, after her posterior exploded all over the internet last month. … But the Kim butt story did make me pause. What is it with this American booty culture? It seems to me to be a form of obsession. Kim’s aim, apparently, was to break the internet, but I’m not sure she’s going the right way about it.”

When all you have to show for yourself is an ass, then that’s all you’ll ever be.

Melissa Rivers, speaking about her mother, Joan, who was honored at The Hollywood Reporter’s Women in Entertainment luncheon:

“My mother was fearless. And I don’t mean she didn’t have any fears, I mean that even though she was only 5’2, she stood tall and walked through it. And that’s what made her such a brilliant performer. She was willing to say what others were thinking and too frightened to admit. She made fun of herself first and foremost which gave her the right to joke about others. She never apologized for a joke, and no topic was taboo and she was fine with that. Truth be told, my mother never thought of herself as a woman working in a man’s world. She thought of herself as a comic that had to be funnier than anyone else…she just wanted to do her job and that was to make people laugh. ... There’s been tribute after tribute to my mother [where she’s] been called everything from a legend, to a trailblazer, to a bitch; the bottom line is, she was really just my mother.”

Still missing Joan ….

Michele Bachmann, the Quitting Congresswoman, on what she said to the President at the White House holiday party:

"I turned to the president and I said, something to the effect of, ‘Mr. President, you need to bomb the Iranian nuclear facilities, because if you don’t, Iran will have a nuclear weapon on your watch and the course of world history will change.' And he got his condescending smile on his face and laughed at me and said, 'Well Michele, it’s just not that easy.' And I said to him, 'No, Mr. President, you’re the president, it will happen on your watch, and you’ll have to answer to the world for this.' And that was it and then I left. Merry Christmas." 

And Obama looked at her, Crazy Eyes roaming the walls of a House in which she will never reside, and as she walked out he said, “Finally, a gift I like!”

Who the f**k does Michele Bachmann think she is to tell any president what he or she ought to do? And where was the Secret Service when this lunatic entered the White House?

Michael C. Hall, on playing Hedwig on Broadway and why he’s drawn to gay roles:

"I think I gravitate toward characters who are defined by some sense of conflict or secret keeping. I think in the case of David Fisher [on Six Feet Under], it was about the character's inherent conflict — something that made him inherently dramatic. In case of Hedwig, it was the chance to front a rock band and sing awesome rock-and-roll music. There is something about people, for one reason or the other, who are marginalized by their circumstance that is compelling to me. That has manifested itself into me playing a few, or more than a few, characters who are gay."

Well, and we’re fabulous, too, so there’s that to play as well.