I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

This past season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills saw the exit of fan favorite—and my personal BFF-In-My-Head—Lisa Vanderpump. But fear not, RHoBH fans, someone has stepped forward to say she would like to fill LVP’s stilettoes.

Tori Spelling. I know! Spelling recently sat down with Jenny McCarthy on her SiriusXM show to promote yet another reboot of BH90210 to say she’d be perfect for the RHoBH franchise. Yeah, maybe if they renamed it Brokeass Housewives Who Used To Live In Beverly Hills But Now Live In The Valley.

Take a seat, Tori. I’ll be the newest housewife on that show before they ever call you.

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Ever since Faye Dunaway played Joan Crawford I feel as if she’s been possessed by the former movie star. I mean, she’s turned into a raging diva and now she’s been fired from an upcoming Broadway show.

A one-woman show! They fired the only person in the cast! Dunaway was supposed to play Katharine Hepburn in the one-woman show Tea at Five and now she’s been let go, dumped, fired, canned because she couldn’t work well with others.

The producers announced that they have “terminated” their “relationship ” with Dunaway and there are loads of ALLEGED reasons … like the night Dunaway attacked crew members as they tried to put on her wig … like the night a performance was canceled because Dunaway slapped and threw things at crew members who were trying to put on her wig … like her constant tardiness … like her demand that no one wear white in rehearsals because it distracted her … like her rambling, angry voicemails to the creative team … like the photo shoot where she ALLEGEDLY fed her salad to the floor because she was trying to lose weight  and said the salad would be better on the floor than in her hand.

When Dunaway began to lose more and more weight, an assistant thought that it was due to her not taking her meds and producers called Actors’ Equity to see if it was “ethical” to put an actress in her state on stage every night; Actors’ Equity ruled that it was because she went on that night, but the crazy continued.

Dunaway refused to learn her lines and 98% of the script was fed to her through an earpiece … much like Crawford did in the last years of her career. And then came the full Mommie Dearest moment when she demanded that staffers at the Huntington Theater get down on their hands and knees and scrub the floor of her dressing room; she ALLEGEDLY threw mirrors, combs and boxes of hairpins at the staff of the theater and then pulled all the gray hairs out of that wig she couldn’t get into without help because she wanted to play a younger version of Hepburn than the playwright had written.

As I said, Possessed By Crawford. Maybe someone should write that play and then just let Faye run with it?

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We’ve all heard about what a diva Constance Wu has become, from throwing a TwitFit™ after learning that the show that made her a mediocre star, Fresh  Off The Boat, was renewed and now there’s talk that she was a menace on the set of  JLo’s newest movie bomb, Hustlers. Wu ALLEGEDLY demanded top billing over Lopez, who is not only the star of the dud, but a producer as well.

In fact, Wu was labeled a bigger diva than both JLo and her other co-star Cardi B.

Seriously, how much of a menace are you that people complain more about you than JLo or Cardi?

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For the past few years Mo’Nique has been waging a war against Oprah Winfrey, Lee Daniels and Tyler Perry for ALLEGEDLY being blackballed in Hollywood after winning an Oscar for Precious. She accused Daniels and Perry of treating her poorly and keeping her from getting work by calling her “difficult.” And while many thought her beef with Big O was Oprah not liking that Mo’Nique was speaking her mind, now comes the real tea: her anger comes from an interview Oprah did with her conniving family back in 2010.

Apparently Mo’Nique and her family do not get along, and she told this to Oprah after being approached by Winfrey’s show about having her brother Gerald Imes on for an interview. Mo’ has been vocal about the sexual abuse she suffered from Gerald as a child and declined to be a part of the interview. But then she learned that not only was Oprah having Imes on, but had also invited her parents and another brother to join the interview:

“Now the reason why that means so much is because in the conversation we had about my brother, we then went deeper and we began to talk about our relationships with our mothers and our fathers, and I shared my relationship with her about my mother. I shared with her that me and my mother were not talking. I shared with her that we were in a really bad place. I shared with her that I was hurt and trying to figure this thing out. She never said my mother was coming on the show, because had she, Oprah Winfrey, said ‘I’m going to have your mother,’ I would have said, ‘Shut it down.’ … I don’t need the world seeing how greedy my mother is.”

Mo’Nique’s husband/manager Sidney Hicks thought she should confront Oprah at the time, but she didn’t until.years later at an Oscar party hosted by Alfre Woodard:

“I looked to Oprah Winfrey and I said, ‘You know you and I need to have this conversation. Why would you have my mother on your show? … How could you have my mother on your show? That’s not what we discussed.’”

And Oprah, being so full of herself, and processed cheese, said:

“If you think I did something wrong, then I apologize.”

Not an apology, but a faux-pology; an O-pology, because Oprah can do no wrong in her own bloated head.

And so Mo’Nique will be carrying that grudge until she gets a public apology from Oprah. And it’ll be a cold day in Hell before Winfrey does that … unless her handlers refuse to give her any more second helpings.

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Not a good summer for Katy Perry and it makes me so sad … bwahahahahaha!

Perry found out she was on the hook for hundreds of thousands of dollars after it was revealed that she ripped off a Christian rock song for her song Dark Horse.

And then, Josh Kloss, one of the male models from one of Katy’s earliest hits, Teenage Dream, revealed that working with Perry, even all those years ago, was horrible and awkward and that Katy humiliated him by exposing his junk to people at a party. Josh took his Perry beef to Instagram:

“You know. After I met Katy, we sang a worship song, “open the eyes of my heart” She was cool and kind. When other people were around she was cold as ice even called the act of kissing me “gross” to the entire set while filming.

…

So I saw Katy a couple times after her break up with Russel [sic] This one time I brought a friend who was dying to meet her. It was Johny Wujek’s birthday party at moonlight roller way. And when I saw her, we hugged and she was still my crush. But as I turned to introduce my friend, she pulled my Adidas sweats and underwear out as far as she could to show a couple of her guy friends and the crowd around us, my penis.

I just say this now because our culture is set on proving men of power are perverse. But females with power are just as disgusting.”

I was feeling bad for Josh, being treated like that by a hack like Katy Perry, but he lost me when he also claimed that … ick … Kim Kardastrophe and That Woman are much kinder people and deserve the Katy-stans support more than Katy does.

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Meanwhile, back to Joan Crawford 2.0, AKA Faye Dunaway.

After being fired from her one-woman show, Dunaway is also being sued by her former personal assistant, Michael Rocha, for the way she treated him.

Rocha, who is gay, says Dunaway berated him constantly, calling him “a little homosexual boy” and that when he complained, he was fired.

Rocha began working for Dunaway when she began working on Tea at Five and was tasked with shopping, helping Dunaway take her meds, arranging her schedule and getting her to and from rehearsals.

Rocha now ALLEGES that Dunaway “regularly and relentlessly subjected plaintiff to abusive demeaning tirades” and used his sexual orientation as a gay man to “demean and humiliate him at work.” He says Dunaway called him and other workers “little gay people” and later that month called him “a little homosexual boy.”

And he has her on tape saying it. Rocha reported it to the general manager and general counsel for the one-woman play, and gave them the tape of the offensive comment. Two weeks later he was told that Dunaway “is not comfortable with you anymore” and he was fired.

Luckily, perhaps, he got some sort of revenge, because a few weeks after his termination, the producers sent Faye Dunaway packing. And now she’ll have even fewer coins to offer up in Rocha’s lawsuit.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Well, Constance Wu seems to be loving her diva attitude … at least until the phone stops ringing and she stops getting hired.

Now the Crazy Rich Asians and Fresh Off the Boat ‘star’ is accused to sh*tting all over a rented penthouse. Well, to be fair, Wu rented the penthouse and then allowed her pet bunny—oh, isn’t she just so twee—roam wild around the space and take dumps wherever it pleased.

Wu rented the $6.5 million Chelsea apartment in NYC while she was filming Hustlers with JLo and, without the owner’s consent, she brought along her pet rabbit, Lida Rose, who proceeded to defecate and pee freely all over the place.

A housekeeper—hired by the owner to clean once a week—noticed the piss-and-shiz show and told the owner, who warned Wu to keep her pet in its cage, but Constance Wu only cares about Constance Wu so she ignored the warnings and the defecation continued until the owner eventually called Wu’s management and threatened to throw her out.

Wu is not talking because she’s an irresponsible egotistical wannabe star who will be a has-been before you know it … with a bunny who poops in a cardboard box under an LA overpass.

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If you’d ever thought that the Kardastrophe Koven was just a petri dish of incestuous relationships, you’re right on the mark.

Tyga, who is Kylie Kardastrophe’s—let’s face it, she’d lose the Jenner as fast as she could if given the chance—ex-boyfriend, was once married to Jordan Craig.

Jordan Craig has a child with Tristan Thompson.

Tristan has a child with Khloe Kardastrophe.

Tyga also has a kid with Blac Chyna.

Blac Chyna has a child with Rob Kardastrophe.

Do those people not know anyone else they can date or impregnate or be impregnated by?

That whole Klan needs a Silkwood Scrubdown™.

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When a family has spent decades relying on one person to pay their bills and buy them shiz, what does that family do when the Coin Machine™ is dead? Send them out on the road as a hologram.

Yes, Dead Whitney is going on tour because the Houston family needs the coins. Despite the fact she’s been dead for seven years, Whitney Houston’s estate is planning on releasing a new album and sending Whitney out on tour in the form of a hologram.

Estate executor, and sister-in-law to Dead Whitney, Pat Houston has plans for a Dead Whitney album, a Dead Whitney Tour, and a Dead Whitney Broadway musical because even a Dead Whitney makes more money than Pat Houston, or the family.

Funny thing, though, in 2016 there was supposed to be a duet between Dead Whitney the Hologram and Christina Aguilera, but Pat put the kibosh on that because it was tacky. I think they thought it was tacky because Christina would get some of the coins and the Houston’s want all of them for themselves.

It’s all about the coins that can be made off selling your dead family member,like Whitney Houston: Dead In Concert!

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So, to recap … two years ago Real Housewives of New York City‘s very own ex-Countess and wannabe singer Luann De Lesseps was arrested for trying to have sex in an empty hotel room and then attacking the police officers dispatched to haul her drunk ass to jail.

To avoid jail time. Luann agreed to go to rehab, and, to be fair, she did complete that stint, only to be released and start a new life as ex-con, ex-countess, ex-drunk cabaret star Luann De Lesseps.

But then she had a relapse and was sent back to rehab where she stayed for less than three weeks before leaving to take her act—whatever that is—on the road.

And that brings us to her third strike; Luann recently violated her probation by admitting to her parole officer that she’d had some cocktails after one of her recent “shows”. She says she just had mimosas, which aren’t really drinks, unless you’re a three-time arrestee who can’t stay sober for more than a few months at a time.

And the judge who heard her sob story was all, Sorry, bitch, and put her in handcuffs. Luckily, she wasn’t taken to jail, but  she was hit with more conditions added to her probation …

She will have a breathalyzer in her car, making it impossible for her to drive drunk, for which America thanks the judge; she will be getting weekly telephone counseling sessions, for which she cannot use the bartender at the nearest Red Lobster; she will have monthly in-person meetings with a psychiatrist; and she must start taking the prescription drug Antabuse, which treats alcoholism by giving Luann the effects of a very severe hangover should have even one drink … including a mimosa.

Luann’s representative, which may or may not be one of her drinking buddy backup dancers, told the media:

“She looks forward to completing the last couple months of probation and putting this entire situation behind her and moving on with her life.”

Funny, that’s what she said the first time she got arrested, and then when she went to rehab, and then when she fell off the wagon and went to rehab again.

It’s the same old song. Hey, maybe she could find a spot for that in her cabaret act?

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Boy George is a bit of a diva, though nowhere near Wu-level diva-ness, but … as a judge on The Voice Australia one contestant got under the Boy’s skin and he was off … literally.

During the blind auditions 20-year-old Daniel Shaw sang Beneath Your Beautiful while playing the piano, and it made all four judges—Kelly Rowland, Guy Sebastian, Delta Goodrem, and Boy George—turn their chairs and hope he’d pick them. Boy George asked if Daniel played guitar, and Daniel replied:

“I can play guitar, but no one really cares if I play guitar.”

Now, there was a touch of rudeness there, and Boy wasn’t having it. He asked:

“No one cares?” 

When Daniel shook his head, Boy George said:

“I do.”

Then he suggested Daniel pick any other judge, grabbed his phone and left the building!

Of course, though, because there's a contract and a check involved, the Boy came back and claimed he’d misheard Daniel.

“I just misheard what was said, and I just went, you know when you go in the moment? I am kind of fine now and I’m a bit embarrassed. I’m cool, I’m not annoyed, I was just annoyed in the moment. I’ve got to go and find somewhere not to be embarrassed. I’ll have to be tied to my seat.”

Now, to be fair, that’s not high gossip, because he came back, but it does give me a moment to share my favorite Boy George story: years ago, during the height of Culture Club realness, Boy was in Japan doing a photo shoot. After they put him in his wardrobe, he announced that he didn’t like the pants because they reminded him of a cheap hotel …

"No ballroom."

Get it?

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Apparently, actor Mark Webber was fired from an ABC pilot before it even aired, and he thinks it’s because the executives did not find him handsome enough.

Seriously? ABC, home of John Goodman and Tim Allen is suddenly the arbiter of handsome men on TV? Bitch, please. And yet the fact remains that when ABC’s Untitled Colbie Smulders pilot—formally Stumptown—was the network’s first new drama series picked up, Webber’s name was nowhere in the cast list. And so naturally, Mark Webber too to Twitter:

“Look, I’m a straight white male so I know my journey has been way less painful in this warped industry, but I’m being recast in a network television show because I’m not handsome enough for the executives. … I’m so curious how they’re going to frame this in their upfront announcement. What the spin will be? Probably none as I’ve already been deemed insignificant by them. The way I was treated was so degrading. These ‘executive’ decisions are why network tv is dying. The way this industry has contributed to women hating their bodies is just ONE of the many things I’ve abhorred for so long. I know a lot of us men generally stay silent with our challenges in this arena.”

Wait, so you hate network TV, and you think it's dying and you feel network TV is degrading, but you’re pissy because network TV kicked you to the curb? You need to settle, Mark; settle down. But he didn’t; instead he continued:

“I was raised by a single teenage mom. We were poor. We were homeless. We lived in the streets. She became a radical revolutionary leader. I give zero fucks what filthy rich executives at huge corporations think about me. Never have. Never will. I feel sad that by expressing my own bad experience with the show I was fired from, that it could interfere with the positive experience the actors & creatives that are still on the show should be having. I wish the writers, producers and cast nothing but love.”

And what do you wish for network TV executives who will see this childish woe-is-me rant and scratch your name off their list of prospective actors?

Get back to Starbucks quickly, Mark, your job may still be open.

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Even better at trying to make sure she doesn’t work again is one Constance Wu, from TV’s Fresh Off the Boat and the movie Crazy Rich Asians. Wu is none-too-happy about that her show was picked up for a new season because she was hoping it would die so she could embark on a glorious film career, but ABC put the kibosh on that when they renewed the show, forcing Wu—who makes 300K a year from TV—to also take to Twitter to rage about still having a TV job:

“So upset right now that I’m literally crying. Ugh. F–k .” 

And when someone congratulated her on the renewal by saying it was “great news,” she replied:

“No, it’s not.”

Poor Constance; she’s got a job on TV making thousands of dollars a week and was in one of the biggest films of the year, but she wants us all to feel her pain at having to go back to TV. Luckily, perhaps in the nick of time, her publicist sat her down and told her she was inches away from destroying her career because now Wu is trying a different spin:

“That was not a rampage, it was just how I normally talk. I say f–k a lot. I love the word. Y’all are making a lot of assumptions about what I was saying. And no, it’s not what it’s about. No it’s not … what this is all about. Stop assuming. Todays tweets were on the heels of rough day&were ill timed w/the news of the show. Plz know, Im so grateful for FOTB renewal. I love the cast&crew. Im proud to be a part of it. For all the fans support, thank u & for all who support my casual use of the word f-ck-thank u too.” 

Nice try Constance, but … “So upset right now that I’m literally crying. Ugh. F–k” ... doesn’t sound like anything other than you being pissy at going back to star in a TV show making nearly half-a-million a year, rather than be an adult and see if you can work this out and still be allowed to work in film.

Maybe you and Mark will get hired to do PSAs for acne creams or suppositories.

At least until you both grow up.

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It used to be that Steve Harvey was everywhere you looked on television. Now? Not so much.

He’s been “let go” from two different jobs this week. First, it was announced that Steve would no longer be doing Little Big Shots because next season Melissa McCarthy will be the host.

Then came word that he’d been axed from his own talk show because they’re changing the name of it to The Kelly Clarkson Show and so Kelly Clarkson will be hosting that one.

Too bad he wasn’t quick enough to change his name to either Kelly McCarthy or Melissa Clarkson, cuz he might have kept both those gigs.

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Paris Hilton was on Watch What Happens Live! This week and is still trying to make herself relevant by reigniting her decades-old feud with Lindsay Lohan.

Paris had made it clear to interviewers that she never wants her name spoken in the same sentence as Lohan, and so Andy Cohen–being a big old drama queen–asked Paris to say three nice things about Lohan and she couldn’t come up with one, except to say:

“…She’s… beyond… lame and embarrassing.”

How funny that Paris Hilton is calling anyone embarrassing since the last time she was in the news was when she was going Full Lohan trying to get her engagement ring back from an ex-fiancé because she paid for it herself. Now that’s embarrassing.

Lindsay, of course, heard the news and had a source—possibly Dina after she’d soaked her head in a box of chardonnay—say that Lohan has not been in contact with Hilton in some time and doesn’t understand why the heiress continues to talk about her publicly. She feels Paris is a little obsessed with her and it’s becoming a thing.

An embarrassing thing.

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When we last left Constance Wu, she was trashing her TV show job because, after starring in one hit movie, as part of an ensemble, she thinks she’s a movie star. Trouble is she’s acting like a spoiled self-entitled movie star.

Apparently, Constance is a diva, and so much of a diva on the set of her new film Hustlers that she’s making her co-star, the diva of all divas, Jennifer Lopez, seem positively normal. In fact, a source from the set, and it’s either JLo or Cardi B, says:

“[Wu] is a pain in the fucking ass. She just won’t agree to do anything. She refuses to do interviews; she won’t have visitors on her sets. It’s like a cliché. She is very talented–but all signs are pointing to a difficult diva.”

And now, either though ABC President Karey Burke says the cast and crew of Fresh Off the Boat love Constance and have no plans to replace her, a source there claims Constance is the “most hated person on set.” They add that she’s rude to everybody, but mostly the crew.

In fact, they compare her to Katherine Heigl, and we all know how fabulous her career turned out to be; she’s on basic cable.

Now, I like a diva, especially one that makes JLo seem sweet and innocent, but Wu is about to Diva herself out of all jobs in Hollywood; well, unless she gets a job driving one of those buses that takes you by the movie star’s homes.

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When Ben Affleck announced he was no longer going to be Batman because the public shouted, “Please Ben! You’re not Batman! Stop!” we all thought big old hunk of beef, and My-Husband-In-My-Head, Armie Hammer was the new caped crusader.

Well, that’s not true, because it looks like Twilight star Robert Pattinson will mutter and pout his way into the cowl.

Seriously? That pale little waif of a man instead of Hammer? How’s he gonna get that gelled hair up in that mask?

Damn. I so wanted to be Missus Batman.

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