I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

I admit it, I'm a fan of The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. Mostly because of Brit diva Lisa Vanderpump, but still.....

And I jumped on the I Hate Camille Grammer bandwagon because she seemed like such a snobby self-entitled, former porn star who married a rich TV guy, had someone bear him two children and then found herself being traded in for a younger version. Yeah, lots of reasons to dislike Camille, including her demands for spousal support and child support that were beyond extraordinary.
But now I'm feeling a little less I Hate Camille Grammer, and a little more I Hate Kelsey Grammer, mostly because of his recent child custody request.
See, it seems Kelsey, who lives in Chicago with the fourth, but not last, Missus Grammer, filed a motion asking for full custody of his two children. He offered Camille the chance to have them half of each summer, and half of their school breaks., The details on who would get custody of the four nannies that care for the two wee Grammers was not released.
Camille fired back, asking for sole custody herself, saying the kids have always lived in California, have friends, family, nannies, sitters, bodyguards, cooks and chauffeurs in California, and the trauma of moving to Chi-town might be too much. And then, she released a letter from Kelsey that made him seem more of the asshat than she.
In the letter, written just last month, and sent from Kelsey's team of lawyers to Camille's gaggle of attorneys,  he actually offered to solve the problem by taking just one of the children.
Seriously.
Kesley wants his son to live with him full time and his daughter, what's-her-name, to stay in Malibu with Camille. Note to Kelsey: these are children, not cars. You can't say I'll take that one and you can have the other. I never thought Camille would come out looking like the decent parent in this, but, yes, I was wrong.

We haven't heard much from the OctoMom lately......Thank God....but suddenly she's back in the news, again, for falling behind on mortgage payments. Again! 

And is she pounding the pavement looking for a job, or two, to dig herself out of the situation she created for herself by having something like twenty children as a single mom?
Heavens no!
OctoMom AKA Nadya Suleman AKA Giant Asshatted Media Whore will be holding a......wait for it.....it's good........it's coming........a bikini car wash to raise money to save her house. And she's enlisted the aid of one of Charlie Sheen's many hooker-porn star girlfriends to help.
Yes, Capri Anderson, Miss I am Not A Hooker, I'm A Porn Star, will be washing cars with Octo, alongside reality whore Tia Tequila, Reggie Bush's former mistress January Gessert and Mel Gibson's ALLEGED next baby mama, Violet Kowal.
Whores washing cars!
Octo will hold her car wash on June 18, and, if such things tickle your interests, it will cost you $20 bucks for the wash, or $30 if you have an SUV.
Kisses and blow jobs are, of course, extra.

Looks like JLo is a little behind the times.

An LA judge has just ruled that one of JLo's ex-husbands, or ex-boyfriends, Ojani Noa, will be allowed to release home video of the singer shot while they were married. Yes. A JLo sex tape. Call it Booty On Fire or Jenny On My Cock or Open My Fly, Girl.
Okay, I'll stop.
And the bidding war has begun between porn companies hoping to purchase and distribute the, um, intimate home video. Noa's business manager, Ed Meyer, says bids were starting "in the hundreds of thousands," and the final price was expected to be in the millions.
Seriously, to watch JLo bang a guy from the 1990s, unless, it's, um, that guy?
But Meyer says, "I've gotten emails from Pornhub, YouPorn, Pulse Distribution, Red Light District and Kevin Blatt, who brokered Paris Hilton's sex tape. If an offer looks good, we'll definitely take it."

JLo is said to be distraught, or at least feign being distraught, because she'd long assumed that her ex wouldn't be able to release their sex tape because he'd signed a confidentiality agreement which would ban him from making such private material public.
Sidenote: nothing says love like a signed confidentiality agreement.
But Noa, making an end run around JLo's expansive end, recently sold the video to his current girlfriend, who is working with a distributor to release the film, and that LA judge says this plan is perfectly legal.
So, will you see JBlo? What about Made In Manhattan? The Back Door Plan?
Okay, I'll seriously stop.

Poor Whitney.
On the heels of dreadful, off-key, out-of-sorts, and, oftentimes, canceled live performances, and in addition to her recent re-admittance to a rehab program for drug abuse, Whitney Houston now ALLEGEDLY has a much more serious battle on her hands.

According to the National Enquirer--Yes, I know, but they did break the John Edwards story--doctors informed the singer that she is suffering from early stages of emphysema, which might be a reason of her recent spate of less than stellar performances.
According to a friend--and by friend, I mean the awful person who would say such things to the Enquirer--"She's developed emphysema--and her doctors are warning her she'll die a horrible death."
According to the "story", doctors have told Houston that if she does not completely kick her smoking habit, the disease will take her life. And the task of weening her off the cigarettes has fallen on the shoulders of Whitney's recently released from rehab for her own addiction problems, daughter, Bobbi Kristina.
But Whitney's people are fighting back. Her rep, Kristen Foster, is now calling the story "completely untrue."
Hopefully the story isn't true, but I wonder. How many times have Whitney's people said she doesn't have a drug problem, and then she goes into rehab for it? I hope this doesn't turn out like that.

Comedy is fun, unless you're a comic that steals jokes.
Or, unless you're Jay Leno, a comic accused of stealing jokes. Again.

It seems that just last week Leno told a joke that was eerily similar to a joke told two days earlier by Andy Levy on 'Red Eye,' an overnight show on the Fox News channel.
You be the judge:
From 'The Tonight Show' on May 26:
Leno: Bad news for the state of California. The Supreme Court will force the state to release something like 46,000 convicts because of prison overcrowding. But the good news – it looks like the Oakland Raiders will have more season ticket holders. Yeah, so the stadium will be packed.
From the 'Red Eye' on May 24:
Levy: Supreme Court orders tens of thousands of California prisoners released. This actually might help the Raiders start selling out their home games again.
'Red Eye' host Greg Gutfeld and Andy Levy actually then joked about Leno's theft of humor this past weekend, when Gutfeld said: "Wow Andy, I can't believe you traveled to the future, stole that joke from Jay, then traveled back to tell it on 'Red Eye.'"
Andy Levy then joked, "Look, what's the point of having a time machine if you're not going to travel to the future, steal jokes from Jay Leno then travel back to tell them on 'Red Eye?'"
And they do point out that Leno himself didn't actually steal the joke, but that the theft of humor falls into the laps of his writers.
Still, Jay, get your own material, and some new writers.

They tried to make her go to rehab, but she stopped for vodka on the way and the released herself after just a week. Not as catchy as Amy Winehouse's song, but true none-the-less.

After just one week of treatment for alcohol addiction, Amy Winehouse has checked herself out of rehab. He rep, Chris Goodman, says she is looking forward to touring Europe this summer and "raring to go." He also said the 27-year-old will continue her treatment at the Priory Clinic as an outpatient.
An outpatient?
On tour?
Not drinking?
Am I the only one who sees Whitney Houston in all this?
Winehouse has a well-documented history of drug and alcohol abuse, as well as self-destructive behavior, since she came on the scene big time back in Ott-Seven with her Grammy-winning 'Back to Black' album.
And she's been in out of rehab, and pubs, ever since. Getting help then getting high. Getting help again, then getting drunk.
In fact, London tabloid, The Sun, reported that a bedraggled Winehouse was seen downing a miniature bottle of vodka in London last week, on her way to checking in to rehab.An eyewitness--and by eyewitness, I mean, another drunk looking for mini Voddies--says: "She seemed out of it. She was stumbling about, slurring her words. I was shocked to see her buy vodka so early in the day, and even more shocked to see her knock it straight back."
She said No No No.
 
Well, I'm glad about this because I was worried.
Kim Kardashian is taking her mother's advice after all, and will not--I said WILL NOT--be taking her husband's name when she marries his bank account this year.
See, since there is nothing happening in the world this week, all the news agencies were gleefully reporting that Kim was taking on the surname of her fiance, basketball somebody-or-other, Kris Humphries, but an insider--and by insider, I mean Khloe, who really has nothing better to do than eat and gossip--says: "Kim will not change her last name. It's her brand, and it's her name. It wouldn’t make sense."
And, when she divorces her bank account, er, husband in less than a year she won't have to go to all that legal trouble of changing her name back to KardASSian.

RantGate: I Don't Get It

Is everyone out for their fifteen minutes of fame? Is it us seeking the attention. or is it the media focusing the attention on us. For every news story out there, we suffer through countless more tales of those people on the fringe, who knew somebody, worked with somebody, had once been in the same situation, saw it, heard it, smelled it, felt it. It's a need for attention that I don't understand.

I don't get it.

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Beau Breedlove had an affair with out Portland Mayor Sam Adams back in 2005. It was a big scandal, with everyone, or almost everyone, calling for Adams to resign. He didn't; and he's still the mayor.

But Breedlove took his, ahem, media exposure to a new level. It wasn't enough that his personal live, personal love, personal affair, personal fling, whatever it was, was splashed all over the papers and the web. No, Breedlove took himself to Unzipped magazine and posed for the cover, using the story to further his career, or whatever.

Inside the May issue of Unzipped, Breedlove will tell all about his relationship with Adams and how the story broke, he'll reveal all about his own sex life and the kind of men he finds most attractive, and, of course, he'll do it buck naked.

I don't get it.

Is that what Breedlove wanted? To be a cover model for a male magazine? To be a nude model? No big deal there. But why exploit yourself and the relationship you had in the past. Is it only to be famous?

Because there's fame, and then there's infamy.

And they are not the same.

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I don't like to talk about the OctoMom because it makes me cringe thinking about those poor children who will be trotted out at every birthday and Christmas, Halloween and whatever day their Mama needs mo' money.

They are being used. She's the user.

It isn't a miracle she had eight babies. it was science.

So please, Entertainment Tonight and Today, quit using that word.

And the part I don't get is that when this miserable excuse for a parent was bringing home two of her eight babies, the car was surrounded by the media; the shoved at the car, they tried to keep Octo from closing the garage door; they tried to crawl under the garage door.

It was so terrifying that, inside the car, Octo was dialing 911.....AGAIN!....to ask for police help.

And how do we know all this?

Because she had Entertainment Tonight inside the car with her! She called the police to say that the media was dangerously close to her and her babies while she had the media in the car with her!

This is the worst case of media whore-ness I've ever seen.

I think we could all do ourselves a favor by not watching this tragedy unfold any further. Don't read about it online, or watch on TV. Don't talk about it.

Seriously.

I'm done as of right no.....

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That plane crash in Montana in which fourteen people lost their lives.

The media keeps mentioning that seven of them were children.

As if that's worse that the children were killed and not the adults.

But then they take it a step further and talk about the children, and the ones that were under ten years of age.

I guess if you're a child over ten, or an adult, dying in a fiery plane crash doesn't warrant any sympathy.

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I saw some video of the church service and funeral for Natasha Richardson.

Liam Neeson, his sons, Vanessa Redgrave, her sister Lynne, and the rest of Natasha's family stood outside the church posing for photographers, apparently in the hopes that the press might leave them alone.

They were burying a wife, mother, niece, daughter, sister, friend, and they have to pose for pictures to guarantee some sense of privacy.

it's outrageous.

But what makes it worse, is that just after seeing the images of the family posing, the next story was Did Natasha Have To Die? The media has grabbed onto this story and dug it's heels in deep. The woman is barely dead, the family is still mourning, and yet all the conversation turns to any mistakes that may, or may not, have been made, and who made them.

Can't we just let her rest in peace and let her family grieve?

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Fifteen minutes.

I don't want mine, so they're up for grabs.

To Sleep Perchance To Dream

Carlos snored again last night.

He put on the Breathe Rite strip, or strapped it on, as he says, and still he snored. Two times I nudged him and told him to turn over. The third time I think I socked him; he only remembers the one time. But the trouble is, when Carlos snores, I have the weirdest dreams. I don't know if it's the snoring, or the fact that my mind knows it isn't going to get much sleep, so it shows me crazy pictures, but that's how it goes.

I dreamed that Jessica Lange was selling her house to me. Only she didn't want to discuss the selling of the house, she wanted to talk about the new diet she was on, and how easy it was and how much weight she'd lost. But she looked chunky to me and I wasn't sure if I should tell her or not.

So I woke up. Nudged Carlos. Drifted off.

I dreamed the Octomom was chasing me. Not that she was trying to get me to take care of her children, or mow the lawn around the shoe in which she lives.....There was an old lady who lived in a shoe and had so many children she didn't know what to do...I think she just wanted to talk and talk. Everywhere I turned there was the Octomom talking to me. Now, truth be told, these days that really isn't a dream, it's more of a reality. Still.

I woke up. Nudged Carlos. Drifted off.

I dreamed we were looking at houses to buy....I guess we weren't that interested in Jessica Lange's after all. Carlos and I are wandering through this condo owned by another gay couple. It was pretty, but all the art on the walls was already ours. They even had a stained glass piece that my dad made for me, but they said they had it commissioned for their house. I showed them my Dad's signature at the bottom....who signs stained glass?....and they still told me it was theirs.

I woke up. Socked Carlos. Drifted off.

So this morning all I could think about was Jessica Lange, the Octomom, and stained glass.

I have always had strange dreams. One, that I had eons ago, and still remember, was about Gloria Estefan. I didn't like Gloria Estefan, or the Miami Sound Machine. I didn't want to Congo, and I seriously hoped the Rhythm Was Gonna Get Her. But then i had a dream that I was a roadie on a Gloria Estefan tour--and this was right around the time of the bus crash that broke her back--and suddenly I loved Gloria Estefan.

And I still do.

Dreams. Go figure.

To Quote Dan.....This Is Batshit Crazy!

The OctoMom, you know, 14 kids and counting, who doesn't take welfare but uses student loans to pay for her kids, has created her own website, I think it's called something like batshitcrazy.com--thanks to Dan over at 41North87West for the name.

Anyhoo, CrazyMom is asking for donations from the public to help her raise her kids because she doesn't want to use welfare, or public assistance. She says she can do it on her own, or with a website asking for public donations.

Huh? What? Huh? Public donations? Public Assistance? Pot-Tay-Toe, Po-Tah-Toe.

And now Page Six is claiming that NBC paid Crazy some seven-figures for her interviews. I have seven figures for her and they're all ZERO! Of course, NBC, home to that NutInterviewer Ann "Good Morning Matt Good Morning Meredith Good Morning Everyone In The News This Morning Good Morning" Curry, and Matt "Lemme Ask Yet Another Stupid Question" Lauer, is denying paying anything, but they have all sorts of loopholes to get around that.

Shame on you NBC for funding BatShitCraziness.

Then, as if that weren't bad enough, it has come to light that CrazyMom was using Food Stamps--almost $500 a month--and Social Security disability payments for three of the youngsters. Public aid will almost certainly be increased with the EIGHT new additions to her family. Again, she says she does it all herself without assistance.

Food Stamps ARE assistance, you Moron!

Plus, the hospital where the octuplets are expected to spend seven to 12 weeks has requested reimbursement from Medi-Cal, California's Medicaid program, for care of the premature babies; the cost has not been disclosed but is expected to be several million dollars.

Way to go, CrazyCaliforniaHospital.

Just what we need to do in this country.

Fund Lunacy.

To quote Barbra Streisand and Donna Summer, in that immortal disco classic:

Enough Is Enough Is Enough Is Enough Is Enough Is Enough Is Enough Is Enough Is Enough Is Enough Is Enough Is Enough Is Enough Is Enough Is Enough Is Enough Is

IT' S ENOUGH!

And Now Back To Bob and The News.....Or His Opinions On The News

Tell3.org

Tell 3 is a new call to action. Tell 3 people that you're gay. Tell 3 people that you know someone gay. Just three. It shouldn't be that hard. Let three people know who you are and that you don't deserve being treated like a second-class citizen; that you deserve equal rights.

-----California voted to get rid of marriage rights for our community.
-----29 other states have done the same.
-----LGBT people get fired from their jobs just for being who they are.
-----Kids get beat up in school for seeming "queer" while school administrators do nothing.
-----Same-sex couples can't foster or adopt while children in need go without homes.

This needs to end.
Tell three people what it's like to be gay. What helps people see that we are all really alike is having close relationships with one another.
And the best way to do that is by Telling 3.
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Jessica Simpson.
I don't like her. To me she is a no-talent-hair-tits-and-ass-wannabe-who-never-will.
But now all people can talk about is that she has apparently gained weight. Even women, who should be sticking up for women, are attacking her. Because she got fat, or so they say.
I've seen the recent pictures of her, and I've seen old pictures of her. She looks a bit heavier, yeah, but she looks healthy and happy, so why drag her down? Why put the most horrendous cartoons of her on the net?
Think about your own child, or yourself for that matter. Would you want that kind of attention for your child? For yourself?
I didn't think so.
She is still, to me, a no-talent-hair-tits-and-ass-wannabe-who-never-will, but leave her alone.
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Michael Phelps.
What is wrong with America that we have a desperate need for heroes, and then we begin to tear them down? Or heaven forbid they get caught doing something, and we all jump on the bandwagon calling them names and ratting them out?
He's a swimmer, folks; he swims. And he's pretty good at it, too, because he's got lots of gold bling to show for it. And after he won that jewelry all of America stood on his shoulders and shouted to the world, Look at us! We.Are.The.Best!
Then Phelps picked up a bong and someone picked up a camera.
Sheesh.
Now, I don't smoke pot; tried it once....hated it....never again. I also cannot stand the smell. But that's me. Apparently Phelps doesn't have the same lack of interest in pot as me. So he smoked, got snapped, and now everyone wants to drag him down.
How dare he?
We trusted him.
What kind of role-model is he?
Well, he isn't a role-model, people. He didn't sign up for that. He signed up to be a spokesperson for various companies, and to use his celebrity as a golden boy to make some dough so he could keep training and maybe get some more bling.
He didn't ask to be a role-model. You all made him one, and then waited like wolves at the door for him to stumble, and then you pounce.
Grow up.
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Octuplets.

We are cheered the miracle of the eight births. But it was less miracle and more science, so if you wanna cheer, cheer for the right team. Science.

But then we stopped cheering when we found out the mother was single, had six children, lived with her parents, used a sperm donor, seemed interested in selling, I mean telling.....no, I mean selling....her story to Oprah and Diane, Barbara, Katie and Matt.

We started to get angry. Who does this woman think she is having eight more when she has six at home? What the hell is going on? Her own mother says the woman has emotional issues. Who's going to pay for all those kids? Well, probably Oprah et al to some extent.

I read on another blog that we don't have the right, as pro-choice thinkers, to tell this woman what she can do with her body. Probably not. But we do have the right to question doctors who make it possible for a mother of six to have eight babies. We do have a right to question who's going to pay for all these babies. Millions spent already for the very small people who did nothing wrong other than being born.
The mother doesn't owe us answers, although I expect TV appearances and news specials and documentaries and books will come out of this.

But the doctors who allowed this to happen have some 'splaining to do.

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In New Mexico, the Senate Public Affairs Committee voted 5-4 to give a favorable recommendation to a measure, the "Domestic Partners Rights and Responsibilities Act," that extends the same legal benefits that married couples have under New Mexico law to unmarried couples, whether homosexual or heterosexual.
Domestic partners, whether gay or straight, would have the right to take family medical leave to care for a partner who is ill, the authority to make end-of-life decisions for a partner and would be entitled to property rights in a partner's pension and inheritance rights. Domestic partners also would have the same responsibilities as married couples in child custody and visitation issues and paying child support.

Of course, the haters are up in arms already, talking about the word or God, and traditional marriage, and 5,000 years of no change to marriage, and how this bill, about domestic partners, straight or gay, is opening up the back door to gay marriage.

The back door? Really. Don't give a sarcastic gay a line like that. I could ramble on for days about gays and back doors, and how that's the way we do things, but I won't.

I just want to bask in the sunshine of New Mexico, for taking this step; cool off in the icy breezes of Maine, for taking a stand, too. Bask in the glories of Massachusetts, Connecticut and New Jersey.

Baby steps, people. Baby steps.
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Sarah Palin is back in the news.
My watch must be slow, because I could have sworn her fifteen minutes was up.
There's a documentary coming out called, Media Manipulation, or something like that, by a man who apparently wants to boink Sarah, because he seems to pitch a tent in his pants whenever he talks about her. About how it wasn't Americans who elected Barack Obama, but the media.
The media? Really?
The media showed us what was wrong with Palin. An abstinence preaching mother whose own daughter missed the sermon; a woman who couldn't answer even the most challenging question, like What newspapers do you read? Who, when asked a question, actually said, I'll get back to you on that.
Get back to you?
I got a flash of a Palin Presidency after Grampa John kicked the bucket, and a reporter questioning President Wink-Wink about missiles being aimed at the US and Sarah saying, Oh gosh, I'll have to get back to you on that.
Ka-boooooom.
Now there's this video of Ashley Judd speaking out against Governor Palin's obsessions with shooting wolves from the sky--much like shooting fish in a barrel, but you're in a plane and you're shooting wolves. In the winter. When they can't hide. Shooting a defenseless animal simply for sport.
It's murder, Sarah. Murder.
And you think it's fun.
Tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick