I Didn't Say It ...

Joe Biden, on _____’s executive orders:

“Unable to deliver for the American people in a time of crisis, Donald ______ offered a series of half-baked measures today. He is putting Social Security at grave risk at a time when seniors are suffering the overwhelming impact of a pandemic he has failed to get under control. And make no mistake: Donald _____ said today that if he is re-elected, he will defund Social Security."

Remember all that money you paid into Social Security?

Say goodbye to it if this corrupt fuckmonkey is reelected.

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MacKenzie Bezos, ex-wife of Amazon One-Percenter, Jeff, Bezos, has given away $1.7 billion of her wealth since her divorce, some to LGBTQ charities:

“Like many, I watched the first half of 2020 with a mixture of heartbreak and horror. Life will never stop finding fresh ways to expose inequities in our systems; or waking us up to the fact that a civilization this imbalanced is not only unjust, but also unstable. What fills me with hope is the thought of what will come if each of us reflects on what we can offer. Opportunities that flowed from the mere chance of skin color, sexual orientation, gender, or zip code may have yielded resources that can be powerful levers for change. People troubled by recent events can make new connections between privileges they’ve enjoyed and benefits they’ve taken for granted. From there, many will choose to share some of what they have with people whose equal participation is essential to the construction of a better world.”

Meanwhile her husband rakes in millions every day and treats his employees like garbage.

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Bill Maher, Real Time host, delivering a mock eulogy for _____:

“What kind of spectacular prick do you have to be that everyone’s last request is ‘make sure that a**hole isn’t at my funeral?' Some men look at the world and ask, ‘Why?' Donald _____ looked at the world and asked, ‘What’s in it for me?’ His generosity knew only limits, and he never once failed to put himself before others. He was a devoted father who every day tried to teach his children the wrong lessons of life. Be quick to anger, never never let go of a grudge. See the worst in people, and treat them all equally based strictly on how much money they make and what they look like. So many wanted to speak here today, but couldn’t break their non-disclosure agreements. And our hearts go out to Melania who RSVP’d ‘maybe.’ Donald always said he knew she was the one the moment he saw her and said those three little words: ‘add to cart.’ As for me personally, I guess what I’ll miss most about Don is his dull wit. He was never laughing. And when he made you laugh, it was always unintentional. But as a walking parody of himself he was a challenge to satirize and made me a better comedian for it. He died as he lived: wearing makeup and lying in front of all of us. So fly free, whiny little bitch. Fly free.”

Whiny little bitch! Loving it.

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Tom Cotton, the GOP Senator from Arkansas, proposing a bill that would penalize schools that adopt the 1619 Project, which places slavery at the center of discourse in American history teaching:

“The entire premise of the New York Times’ factually, historically flawed 1619 Project … is that America is at root, a systemically racist country to the core and irredeemable. I reject that root and branch. America is a great and noble country founded on the proposition that all mankind is created equal. We have always struggled to live up to that promise, but no country has ever done more to achieve it. I have no problem with people debating that in a constructive, reasoned, deliberate fashion. What I can’t tolerate, what I think no one should tolerate, are angry mobs tearing down statues of anyone. We have to study the history of slavery and its role and impact on the development of our country because otherwise we can’t understand our country,. As the Founding Fathers said, it was the necessary evil upon which the union was built, but the union was built in a way, as Lincoln said, to put slavery on the course to its ultimate extinction.”

The one phrase that sticks out to me the most is “America is a great and noble country founded on the proposition that all mankind is created equal.” If that were true why did we enslave people; treat them as property; abuse, rape or murder them if they ‘disobeyed’ their white owners? If “all mankind is created equal” why were Blacks legislatively described as three-fifths of a person—or three-fifths of a US citizen? Why were they not counted as all other men who were created equal counted?

Take a seat, racist.

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Trevor Noah, The Daily Show host, on Tom Cotton’s calling of slavery a “necessary evil” and for objecting to teaching the 1619 Project  in schools:

“[So] Senator Cotton thinks that this curriculum is racially divisive? Really, this curriculum? Yo, you know what’s really racially divisive? Slavery. And here is the thing: People are upset because when Cotton says that slavery was a ‘necessary evil on which the union was built,’ it sounds like he’s defending slavery, all right? And that’s not something a U.S. senator should do, even if his name is Cotton.”

Snap.

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Bobservations

I’ve mentioned before that Carlos loves some Nerd TV … How It’s Made … Big Ships …etc. The other day I caught him scrolling through the channels looking for something and he actually squealed …

“Ooooh, Battle Bots!”

Then he proceeded to tell me he didn’t really care for the show, even after I reminded him, over and over and over again, that he had squealed at the sight of the show.

Battle Bots is kinda like remote-controlled lawn mowers doing battle. No, seriously, that’s it. And my husband squealed at the thought.

Bill Maher went after GOP South Carolina Senator Lindsey’ Graham’s “hypocrisy on steroids” on Real Time last week with a list that wasn’t so much about Miss Lindsey’s blathering flip-flop on _____and more about the issue of whether Graham is a big old queen. Some were high-larious, some were offensive, but here they are:

My name is Lindsey and my pronouns are He and Y’all.

My spirit animal is a jellyfish.

I burn calories by skipping to work.

I’m the only Senator whose office has a bidet and a fainting couch.

For three weeks in 1992 I was married to Liza Minnelli.

In a fire, the first things I’d save are my bridal magazines.

When I was in school, the kids would tease me by calling me “Lindsey”.

I was the first person to push a dog around in a stroller.

The greatest advice my mother gave me was to stop waving my hands when I run.

My quote in the high school yearbook was “a lady is allowed to change her mind.”

My greatest legislative accomplishment is naming a post office after Nathan Lane.

If Trump and I were a celebrity couple, I’d want the tabloids to call us “Donsey.”

I once kissed Trump’s ass so hard I could taste Hannity.

John McCain’s last words to me were “Let go of my hand.”

People who say I’m anti-immigrant haven’t heard me talk about Siegfried and Roy.

When people call me a “hawk” I just want to bomb the sh*t out of them.

My favorite James Bond movie is Octo-yucky.

I’m one of only three people in Washington allowed to trim President Trump’s nose hairs.

I employ over a dozen pool boys even though I don’t own a pool.

Irony alert! Thanks to a food allergy, I avoid fruit.

For Halloween, I went as the Lindsey Graham from the Clinton impeachment.

If you saw just five seconds of the videotape Trump has of me, everything would suddenly make sense.

My nickname in the Air Force was “JAG-off.”

If it was socially acceptable, I would wear nothing but scarves.

Miss Lindsey has looooong been the subject of gay rumors and has always denied them. I hope he isn’t gay, because if he is, he gives the LGBTQ community a bad name. I think he’s just a lonely pathetic straight man with self-esteem issues related to the fact that he and _____ both have at least one more thing in common:

A tiny mushroom shaped dick. That’s all.

More Carlos…or more precisely, more me torturing Carlos? Okay …

As he was recovering from his surgery, he was doing very well, but every once in a while, getting out of one of the living room chairs, he’d whimper Oh oh oh oh.

Being the loving husband, I suggested a way to ease him from his seat by taking a dog leash, tying it around his neck, then attaching the other end to the ceiling fan, and turning the fan on. The motion of the fan would help him out of the chair, but then … do I  stop it from taking him all the way to the ceiling and spinning like a rag doll over my head.

Well, at least one Madonna fan is apparently leaving the building.

Nate Hollander has filed a lawsuit against Madonna and Live Nation alleging that the change in start time for the Madame X Tour is a breach of contract between the singer and ticket buyer.

Trouble for Nick is, that he hasn’t seen the show yet; his tickets are for December 17th. But he knows what’s going to happen because, even though the show time is 8:30 on the tickets, late last month, Madonna and Live Nation changed the start times for several shows to 10:30 and that’s too late for Madonna’s rapidly aging out fan base.

Nate says that no refund has been offered and says he can’t resell them because the tickets “suffered an extreme loss of value” due to the time change.

Oh Nate, as Judge Judy might say, ‘You picked her. And you’re stuck with her at 10:30.’

To add insult to injury, Madonna, who clearly had been told about the complaints, tweeted a video from her Las Vegas show where she said to the crowd:

“There’s something that you all need to understand. And that is, that a queen is never late.”

I don’t know what’s funnier, that Madonna thinks she’s royalty or that she thinks she’s still relevant.

As I said last week, Tuxedo went to the vets about him licking the fur off his front leg. He was given some medication, and some wipes to clean the area. The wipes were easy, but the medication had to be given through a dropper orally, which meant holding Tuxedo down and shoving the dropper in his mouth and given him the medication.

So, twice a day I would take a towel and wrap it around Tuxedo, keeping his paws from grabbing at me, and then Carlos would force the medications into his mouth. After the first dose, as soon as he saw the towel, Tuxedo knew what was coming; he didn’t run, but he wrapped his front paws around my neck and tried to climb me to get away. It was quite the struggle, but we finished his round of antibiotics the other day.

And I will give Tuxedo props for not holding a grudge; as soon as he had the meds, he got a treat, and then would crawl into my lap and go to sleep.

He really is a good boy … and thrilled to be “off the dropper.”

I guess the Golden Globes didn’t think he was the worst host ever after all.

The 1995 Golden Globes went hostless from 1944 through 2009 except for one year when I was co-hosted by that comedy duo John Larroquette and Janine Turner. But by 2010, the Globes felt they needed a host and asked Ricky Gervais, who hosted for three years, took three years off—the comedy duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler hosted those years—and the returned in 2016, only to be basically fired from ever hosting again.

But now he’s back, and the Golden Globes will once again go from ‘Which actor is the most drunk’ to ‘Which actor is gonna be publicly dragged by Ricky Gervais.’

I, for one, cannot wait.

Isha Blaaker. So hot and sultry and…did I say hot?

Born in  Paramaribo, Suriname, this green-eyed beauty also goes by the nickname The Charming Boxer.

Charming, indeed. And sweet; when asked if he found himself attractive, he said:

“I know what I’m being paid for, but beauty is internal. If you don’t see your light no one will. Everybody should see their own beauty.”

Usha is also single, sort of; he calls his relationship status “complicated”.

I could uncomplicate it for him. Just sayin’.

I Didn't Say It ...

Beth Ditto, singer, shades Taylor Swift for her sudden LGBTQ activism:

“I was like, great anthem… straight white girl? Cool, thanks. Released just in time for Pride! I wonder where the proceeds are going for that, you know? That’s the thing that bothers me about it.”

I’m also bothered by the fact that Swifty was never very vocally pro-LGBTQ—she did donate to fight an anti-LGBTQ referendum in Tennessee last year—and then suddenly she has a video featuring every gay theme she can come up with; using the LGBTQ community as accessories in a music video.

Go.Away.Swifty.

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Pete Buttigieg, on the anniversary of John McCain’s death, noting the death of the GOP under _____:

“John McCain did a remarkable job of reaching out to people of different persuasions. He was very convincing to independents because he did not appear to be dogmatic and he really prided himself, I think, on openness—especially with the press. I have taken a lot of lessons from that, even though my values and ideas are very different than his were. I do think he had that capacity to see across the aisle, to partner with others. Something that is on desperately short supply in the Republican Party right now. I think they are poorer as a party for having evolved from the party of John McCain to the party of [_____].”

McCain was never my favorite, but compared to _____ and the GOP of today, he was a saint.

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Patricia Ward Kelly, Gene Kelly’s widow, in an open letter to Lara Spencerfor her slamming of Prince George taking ballet:

“In 1958, my late husband, the dancer, director, choreographer Gene Kelly, decided to take on the stigma facing male dancers in an Omnibus television program for NBC that he created and starred in called “Dancing, A Man’s Game.” He hoped that by aligning the great sports stars of the day—Mickey Mantle, Johnny Unitas, Vic Seixas, Sugar Ray Robinson, among others—he could challenge and destroy the shame surrounding male dancers once and for all. For Gene it was more than a professional task. It was, in his words, a personal “crusade” to show that dancers are athletes and that it is okay for a man to be graceful. As he says in the special: “What could be more graceful than a football player throwing a pass—what is more excitingly beautiful than the swift movement of a double play? Every motion a good athlete makes is as beautiful as any a dancer makes. Gene would be devastated to know that 61 years after his ground-breaking work, the issue of boys and men dancing is still the subject of ridicule—and on a national network. ABC must do better.”

Gene Kelly knew better in 1958., but 51 years later Lara Spencer, in a feeble attempt at humor, perpetuates gender roles.

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Bill Maher, on the impending _____-created recession:

“I’m just saying we can survive a recession. We’ve had 47 of them. We’ve had one every time there’s a Republican president. They don’t last forever. You know what lasts forever? Wiping out species!”

Wiping out racist Republican presidents by voting them out helps, too. Oh, and remember that last recession, the one during W’s term that Obama fixed? Yeah, we can do that again.

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Kanye West, speaking out of his ass on his new “fashion” line:

“I’ll be working on designs and looking at references from 3,000 years ago and reading the Old Testament at the same time. [Leviticus] says ‘You should keep my statutes. You should not let your cattle breed with a different kind. You shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor shall you wear a garment of cloth made of two kinds of material.’ I tell my apparel team that the clothes that we’re using are of a single material. I remember sending a manager I used to work with a really rude email about how every time he wore this wool jacket with leather sleeves, he set culture back by ten years. So now I can send him the verse from the Bible that says, ‘You should not wear a garment of cloth made of two kinds of materials.'”

I wonder how this illiterate tool feels about shellfish and football and the LGBTQ community.

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Candice Keller, Ohio State GOP Representative, blaming these last two mass shootings on gay marriage, drag queen advocates, and President Obama:

“After every mass shooting, the liberals start the blame game. Why not place the blame where it belongs? The breakdown of the traditional American family (thank you, transgender, homosexual marriage, and drag queen advocates); fatherlessness, a subject no one discusses or believes is relevant; the ignoring of violent video games; the relaxing of laws against criminals (open borders); the acceptance of recreational marijuana; failed school policies (hello, parents who defend misbehaving students): disrespect to law enforcement (thank you, Obama).”

Funny, you ignorant tool, the El Paso shooting blamed immigrants and channeled white supremacist hate speech from your party’s leader.

Not one word about The Gays, drag queens or even Obama.

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Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Supreme Court Justice, and hero of mine, on people on the right trying to hurry her death:

“There was a senator, I think it was after my pancreatic cancer, who announced, with great glee, that I was going to be dead within six months. That senator, whose name I have forgotten, is now dead himself, and I, am very much alive.”

I saw a Tweet that said the first person that will live to be 150 has already been born, and someone replied that they hoped it was RBG.

So do I.

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I Didn't Say It ...

Raymond Buckley, former Democratic party chair on Pete Buttigieg’s candidacy:

“As we move forward, what is fascinating about this year is that while in theory people support marriage equality, you’re seeing it with Chasten [Mr. Buttigieg’s husband] and Pete. And the visual from last weekend — for it to be absolutely normal as the spouse to come out, hug, embrace, kiss, hold hands — for the generation over 30, that was an amazing thing to witness. I talked to some folks in New Hampshire who are in their 20s, and it was nothing to them. Because their adult life has been marriage equality. They can’t imagine the sort of sense that we all felt. But there was still a tremendous sense of progress and pride with that picture.”

It is something I never thought I’d see, a gay man running for president, so it is kind of thrilling that it’s happening now. It gives me hope that there are more of us who are inclusive and accepting and understanding than there are on that other side.

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Kirsten Gillibrand, vowing to only nominate judges who will protect Roe v Wade:

“As a candidate, Donald _____ said he would punish women for accessing abortion, and as president, he’s made good on that promise by stacking the Supreme Court with anti-choice extremists Brett Kavanaugh and Neil Gorsuch. Republicans nationwide push these bills because they want a court ruling that guts abortion access nationwide, forever. We simply cannot let that happen. The decision about if and when to start a family should be made by a woman and her doctor — not Republican legislators, not Brett Kavanaugh and certainly not Donald _____.”

Funny about _____ because I imagine that, with some digging, you’d find a woman he got pregnant and then paid for her abortion.

Of course, his evangelicals hypocritical base wouldn’t mind that.

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George Clooney, on Brunei backing down from its death by stoning penalty for gay sex:

“This is a huge step forward after a giant leap backwards. It promises that the citizens of Brunei won’t be executed for being gay. It also sends a very crucial message to countries like Indonesia and Malaysia that there is a cost for enacting these laws. And the cost isn’t folks boycotting their hotels. The cost is that corporations and big banks won’t do business with you.”

Clearly, money talks, and you punch folks in their bank account and they bend.

Boycotts work.

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Madonna, playing victim:

“People have always been trying to silence me for one reason or another, whether it’s that I’m not pretty enough, I don’t sing well enough, I’m not talented enough, I’m not married enough, and now it’s that I’m not young enough. So they just keep trying to find a hook to hang their beef about me being alive on. Now I’m fighting ageism, now I’m being punished for turning 60.”

The only person trying to silence Madonna is Madonna playing the victim.

Remember this is a multi-millionaire complaining about her life and how people have tried to shut her up.

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Mike Pompeo, Secretary of State, lying like his boss:

"Look, the facts speak for themselves: America is the world's leader in caring for the environment."

The way this administration can simply open their mouths and lie is frightening.

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Bill Maher, on Real Time, on Barr and _____:

“Bill Barr is so far up _____’s ass he bumped into Hannity. So Barr went before the Senate this week, on Wednesday, and the Democrats looked all so happy after they gave him a good grilling. But I think they missed the big picture. _____ is still President and the big gotcha was they got Barr to commit perjury, which is apparently some old-timey law about lying being wrong. Nancy Pelosi said, ‘That’s a crime and I’m going to report it to…oh, yeah.’ See this is the problem when the guy who is supposed to be enforcing the law is the guy who’s breaking the law. Democrats don’t seem to get it. You know, ‘It’s in the rules,’ is not an argument that works on Donald _____. You’re playing Monopoly with a hyena. When it bites you and shits on the board, saying ‘It’s not your turn’ really doesn’t work.”

Hey Democrats? Do something.

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Ben Domenech, Meghan McCain’s husband, Federalist publisher and conservative commentator, Tweet raging at Seth Meyers like a certain Asshat-In-Chief after McCain and Meyers had an exchange on Late Night over comments by Representative Ilhan Omar:

“I see that @sethmeyers, the untalented piece of sh*t who only has his job because he regularly gargled Lorne Michaels’ balls, went after my wife tonight with his idiotic anti-Semitic bullsh*t. Seth is an awful person who is known within the industry for how terrible he is. He is a monumental a**hole who is utterly unfunny. He deserves the mockery he receives from all the people who laugh at him. Here is proof that white men get ahead despite their obvious lack of talent: it’s @sethmeyers, who would beg for a third of the viewers at @TheView. He’s awful, untalented, and a perfect definition of a cuck”

Wow. Someone is angry and childish and stupid, and this totally explains why McCain married him: he’s just like her father [sarcasm font].

Domenech later deleted those asshatted Tweets and apologized:

“I love my wife. I apologize for rage tweeting about how Seth Meyers treated her. I don't like him, I think he's a hack, but I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry to anyone I offended.”

Sound like Ben is an angry little hack himself. Seth Meyers disagreed with Precious Meghan and her husband behaved like _____. Again, Daddy would be so proud.

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I Didn't Say It ...

Jodie Foster, on how women are questioning past behaviors in the wake of #MeToo and how having an industry-savvy mother may have protected her from Hollywood’s abusers:

“I don’t think there is a woman I know, who doesn’t look back on when they were 15, 16, 17 or 18, who doesn’t put their hand on their head and say: ‘Why did I do that? Why was I like that? Why wasn’t I confident? Why didn’t I say no?’ …. The weird cauldron that made me ­– working from the time I was three years old, supporting my family by the time that I was seven, super-strong mom, over-confident personality, celebrity young enough that I learned to be stand-offish … I think there’s a whole bunch of reasons why I didn’t have the same path as someone who came to Hollywood at 22 with two cents in her pocket and just wanted more than anything else to be an actor; it’s just a different life.”

Woman are learning that they have the power. The power of ‘No’.

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Michelle Wolf, on _____’s Supreme Court nomination and the presumed attack on Roe V Wade from a group of Pro-Life hypocrites:

“It’s so ironic that Trump could be the guy that ends legal abortion. That dude has been responsible for more abortions than the invention of back alleys … We were originally gonna use coat hangers. And before that, stairs.”

Women, and men, need to fight this every which way we can.

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Kimberly Guilfoyle, Fox News host and Junior’s current mistress, on outspoken liberals:

“Who are these jokers? You see them on television, and they have a blog, and everyone thinks they’re a journalist, and they’re a joke. They’re provocateurs. They have no substance and no meat, let alone any intellect. It’s unbelievable in this day and age anyone calls themselves a journalist because they can post something on the Internet. I just take issue with people who are complete liars and smear merchants and say things that are not true, and they know that they’re not true, and some of these people need to get a beatdown, and I’m happy to give it to them.”

Wow; so this woman, stupid enough to break up with Gavin Newsom and take up with that oil slick of a piece of trash, thinks people who disagree with her, people who stand up for themselves, deserve a “beat down.”

Sit in a corner until your next trick comes along.

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Bill Maher, on, ahem, _____’s dick:

“Although honestly, doesn’t everything about this man just scream microdick? The bragging, and the buildings with my name on it! And the debates. He was talking about his dick at the debates! That guy is president. Remember that?”

And let’s not forget that he actually is a dick.

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Elizabeth Warren, on _____’s bullying:

"I can handle a bully. But here’s the really creepy part: In the same breath, he mocked the entire #MeToo movement. He mocked women who are bravely coming forward and saying that they’ve been harassed and abused by guys just like Donald _____. [He] isn’t just trying to scare me—he's trying to bully all women and make us all shut up. He still doesn't think guys like him should be held accountable for what they say or do. You know what, Donald? You don't scare us. Women fight back. Women vote, organize marches, knock on doors, make phone calls, run for office – and win. We'll sweep your Republican enablers out of office this November. And that means, all hands on deck. Use the ballot to stop the patriarchal fascist white supremacists who want to loot the economy and rape Mother Earth."

And cast a goddamned vote!

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Stephen Colbert, celebrating the news from Thailand that the 12 boys and their soccer coach were rescued from a flooded cave … and taking a jab at _____:

”All 12 Thai boys and their coach have been rescued from the cave that they were trapped in for more than two weeks. That feels good. In fact, it’s a great story that gives everyone hope. And it reminds us of the importance of permission slips for field trips to flooded caves. Everybody loves this story. Are you listening, Mr. President? Freeing children makes people like you!”

Ah, but those aren’t immigrant boys.

_____ hates immigrants, unless he marries one to give her a green card and get her parents into the country.

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Sarah Palin, quitter, on being duped into giving an interview to comedian Sacha Baron Cohen for his new program on Showtime:

“Yup — we were duped. Ya’ got me, Sacha. Feel better now? I join a long list of American public personalities who have fallen victim to the evil, exploitive, sick ‘humor’ of the British ‘comedian’ Sacha Baron Cohen, enabled and sponsored by CBS/Showtime. This ‘legit opportunity’ to honor American Vets and contribute to a ‘legit Showtime historical documentary’ was requested of me via a speakers bureau. Out of respect for what I was led to believe would be a thoughtful discussion with someone who had served in uniform, I sat through a long ‘interview’ full of Hollywoodism’s disrespect and sarcasm—but finally had enough and literally, physically removed my mic and walked out, much to Cohen’s chagrin.”

She’s just mad because, once again, she’s shown the world how stupid she is; this isn’t the first time Palin was duped by the media, but since she’s such a famewhore, she’s now trying to turn it into another ‘Look at me’ moment.

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Larry Kramer, saying, for gays, the worst is yet to come:

“We’ve come a certain distance from such a blanket suffocation. But by the time a modicum of acceptance by the outside world starts to arrive, we are visited with a plague. It is a plague of disease, and with our new president it continues to be a plague of hate. There is not one cabinet member who has supportive or welcoming words for us. Every week, it seems, Mr. _____ appoints another judge who is on record as hating us. They will serve for many years. A new Supreme Court will further echo this disdain.”

All the more reason to vote blue, and only blue, for years to come.

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