Bobservations

Carlos is a little lost with the iPhone. Every couple of days he’ll ask me how to do this or that; how to edit a photo, share a photo; hot to get an app. But, because he’s Carlos, the one thing he figured out on his own was how to change Siri’s gender and place of origin. His Siri is no longer some innocuous pleasant-sounding women, but an English gentleman, and this provides me hours of fun.

Carlos, when he can’t find his phone, calls out for Siri, and I usually respond in my own English accent:

“Sod off, ya bloody wanker, I’m right where you left me.”

But the best was the night Carlos hummed a melody and asked me the name of the song; now, while he’s musical, his signing-humming voice is less than perfect and I had no idea the tune; so, he held up Siri and asked her him, and he responded:

“I don’t know what you’re asking of me.”

Carlos was not amused and asked again and got the same response, and it was hard to tell who was angrier …Carlos or Lord Siri.

To be fair, the “essential workers” in Tuxedo’s life are the ones who put food in his dish, who let him nap of the table on the deck after a walkabout in the yard, and who hold him on their shoulders so he can sleep. But, then again, he’s always grateful.

After his breakup with Jennifer Lopez—and her mad dash to ReBoot Affleck—Alex Rodriguez is going for a glow up by teaming with Hims & Hers—the beauty company he and JLo invested in before busting up—to develop the brand’s first makeup for men:

“I wanted to create a product that solved an issue I faced every day. I realized as I was jumping from meeting to meeting, I needed something quick and easy in my routine to conceal blemishes or razor bumps.”

I think he stayed too long at the JLo.

Tim Keller, mayor of Albuquerque, New Mexico, put up a joke sign given to him by “The Daily Show” refusing checks from Thing #45:

“Just to clarify, we would accept one check from him for the amount of roughly $200,000 for services rendered.”

Keller says the city never received $200,000 it tried to charge his campaign for a rally he hosted during his presidency because … grifters gonna grift.

I had a dream the other night that Kim Kardastrophe and I shared a storage space and she was trying to get me to get my stuff out of it. That’s all.

Before leaving office, Barack Obama gave Thing #45 a warning about Michael Flynn.

Not surprisingly, Thing #45 ignored him, and made Flynn his National Security Adviser, and then fired him  for lying to Pence, after which Flynn pled guilty to lying to the FBI, before Thing #45 pardoned him. And since then, Flynn literally took the QAnon oath, has become increasingly unhinged about COVID, which he thinks was invented to help steal the 2020 election.

How did this ass become a general? Was he always an insane fuck or did he lose his mind? And to think the virus was created so Joe Biden could be elected President? If that was true, why didn’t the former guy attack the thing even harder and save the world and thus fund himself reelected?

Crazy fucker.

Has anyone else noticed that not one person in the country has said they miss Michael Elizabeth Pence? That speaks volumes about his political future.

It seems Texas Governor Greg Abbott, a Republican because of course, knew about the  looming natural gas shortages before a deep freeze plunged much of the state into blackouts a few months back, but did nothing while people died except to blame windmills.

Texas? For the love of the goddess, do better and remove this fool from office.

The co-worker who hoards gas and toilet paper told me this week that I didn’t need to wear the mask. I told her that, yes, outside, away from people, I don’t, but inside, where social distancing is hard, I do, until I’ve had my second prick.

And then this bitch tells me she has been vaccinated twice—though she never ever mentioned she was getting the vaccine—and said I was safe. I asked to see her vaccine card and she told me she didn’t have to show it. I reminded her that if she really had one, she wouldn't mind showing it.

Next up: socially distancing from the fucking stupid cuz there’s no vaccine for that!

I don't follow her on Twitter, because ...dumb, but I did see a Lauren Boebert Tweet where she announced that her was “Patriot”.

I replied: 

And it's spelled 'f-u-c-k-i-n-g i-d-i-o-t"

And it is.

It took the GQP leaders McCarthy and McConnell over five days to condemn Marjorie Taylor Greene for saying that wearing a mask is the same as sending Jews to the gas chamber. Let that sink in.

Another mass shooting in America, this time in San Jose. That’s all. I have no comment because those people in power don’t give  flying fuck about gun control as long as their pockets are lined with blood money, and the American people don’t seem to want to demand that Congress do something.

Lucas Cruz, another hot male model from España. With those baby blues and that mop of hair, he’s all kinds of dreamy.

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

While the entire world revels in the reboot of Bennifer let us not forget the sadness that is Alex Rodriguez.

A-Rod is not doing well lately, y’all. I imagine he spends his days cutting JLo’s face out of pictures, deleting her photos from his phone, and painting himself as a victim. But this week he took that extra step into self-pity when he posted an Instagram picture of a family dinner with his two daughters and made sure we saw that he had set the table for six … the three empty spaces being for JLo and her kids.

How sad. How sad that she dumped him because he was ALLEGEDLY cheating on her so she could ALLEGEDLY start making her move on the next guy.

How. Sad.

 

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Ricky Schroder, has-been actor, MAGAt, Thing #45 supporter QAnon conspiracy theorist wingnut harassed a Costco employee over the weekend for refusing to allow him inside the store without a mask.

When the Costco supervisor told Schroeder that the store’s mask policy remained unchanged despite last week’s new federal guidance for fully vaccinated Americans, Ricky went all Butt Hurt White Man Victim:

“Didn’t you see the news? You didn’t see the news? Nationwide, Costco has said you don’t need to wear masks.”

The supervisor calmly tells the wingnut that he’s wrong:

“Costco always goes above and beyond when following the law, and the mandate in California has not changed—”

Schroder cut him off:

“Oh, if they allow us? If they grant us that, our kings? The people in power? You’re going to listen to these people? They’ve destroyed our economy. They’re destroying our culture. They’re destroyed our state. And you’re just going to listen to the rules? I’m getting my refund.”

Schroder then shrieked at his, um, fan, as well as “everybody” in California to “get their refund” from Costco:

“Give up your membership to Costco until they remove this.”

Jason again reminded Schroder that Costco was following state law but Schroeder wasn’t having it and stormed off like the pissy little used-to-be that he is but, you know, as the story went viral, he had a change of heart as people took him to task on social media, and he crawled back to Facebook to apologize to the supervisor:

“I’m not upset with you or anyone in the position that you have. I understand that you’re following their laws and rules. I was trying to make a point to the corporate overlords and sorry that I had to use you to do it. If I hurt your feelings, I apologize … But I do think independence from medical tyranny is more important than hurt feelings.”

Medical tyranny. Corporate overlords.

Clearly Ricky still has that Silver Spoon shoved up his ass.

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More Bill Gates? Well, in addition to being on speed dial with Jeffrey Epstein, Gates apparently had a habit of asking female employees at both Microsoft and The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation out on dates. And while it appears that most of those attempts, which were called “clumsy”, ended in rejection, a confirmed affair with an employee led to Gates being investigated by the board of Microsoft a year before he stepped down.

Back in 2019, the Microsoft board investigated reports that Gates “sought to initiate an intimate relationship with a company employee in the year 2000.” Bill then issued a statement admitting to having had an affair “almost 20 years ago which ended amicably,” but swears it had nothing to do with him stepping down from the board a year following the investigation.

And, as if that doesn’t show what a snake Gates was—even though most women rebuffed his advances—there are reports that between 2011 and 2014, Bill “met Epstein dozens of times” ALLEGEDY … and this is rich … for marital advice.

All the money in the world and he wants y’all to believe he asked a child raping sex trafficker for advice om his marriage?

My only question now is, who gets custody of the vaccine chips that have been embedded in 130,000, 000 of us?

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Remember the Goop vagina candle? The one she claims smelled like her cooch?

Well, apparently it was a bomb, and I don’t just mean that it didn’t sell like hot cakes. Apparently the Paltrow Pussy Scented Candle is also incredibly dangerous because one man named is suing Goop because he ALLEGES the candle exploded in his house.

There was, um, Goop everywhere!

Legal documents say Colby purchased the $75 candle online in January, lit it for the first time in February, placed it on his nightstand, and then says that three hours later the candle became engulfed in flames and exploded.

Colby says there was a “limited warning” on the Goop website that cautions not to burn the candle for more than two hours but says Goop should warn people that the candle could cause injuries if it exploded, and he wants $5 million.

Now, this isn’t the first time a customer claimed the vagina candle was an explosion hazard. Jody Thompson says her candle blew up when she lit it and that it “emitted huge flames, with bits flying everywhere.” She described it as an “inferno.” 

Now, I have questions … why was Colby, a man, in need of a vagina-scented candle? Does he not get the real thing? Does this mean Paltrow’s cooch is a lethal weapon? If you light a match near Paltrow’s crotch, will she burst into flames? And more importantly, who buys a candle that smells like cooch? 

But, if you did, or would, purchase such a thing, I'd like you to know that this fall you can buy the Bob's Sweaty Ball Scented Road Flare! Nothing says 'Stop, and help me' like the smell of sweaty balls.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Marcia Gay Harden is not the best at shade or gossip.

Back in 2001, she won the Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her portrayal of Lee Krasner in Pollock. The other actresses up for the Oscar were Kate Hudson for Almost Famous, Frances McDormand for Almost Famous, Julie Walters for Billy Elliot and Judi Dench for Chocolat.

And now, for some reason, Harden is talking about her twenty-year-old win in a new interview with Vulture and implied—or outright shaded—a particular actress nominated in the same category who wasn’t thrilled Harden had won:

“It just felt great. I felt the girls were really happy for me as well. There was one I will not mention—but it wasn’t Kate—who seemingly wasn’t so happy. And I’m friends with Frances McDormand … Frances doesn’t give a s–t.”

She also ruled out Julie Walters, which just leaves Dame Judi who was upset about Harden‘s win.

“But I don’t want to say anything negative about anybody, honestly. It was my perception that somebody wasn’t so happy, but you never know what people have going on. Whatever.”

Gurl. Learn to shade, and just plain spill the tea!

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Apparently Harvey Weinstein, doing 23 years  for a rape conviction, is having a pretty bad time in prison, which is odd because isn’t prison supposed to be fun?

Ever since he’s been locked up, his health issues have ranged from heart issues—he doesn’t have one—to an ALLEGED bout of COVID-19—don’t care—to a second COVID scare—still not caring—and now his lawyers are arguing that Harvey is suffering vision loss and missing teeth.

This is all just a game because Weinstein is serving a sentence for rape in New York and was to be extradited to LA to face more charges of being a vile disgusting rapist pig, but then COVID hit and travel stopped. But now that we have a vaccine and travel is opening up again and Weinstein can be moved to LA to go on trial, this all smells like a plot to keep that from happened.

So, his eyes are bad and he has no teeth and COVID and cardiac issues, and diabetes and back pain, and sleep apnea and, ALLEGEDLY, a very tiny misshapen penis.

He’s a rapist and pervert, so I don’t care.

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After Alex Trebek died five months ago, Jeopardy! had many guest hosts, some good—Ken Jennings—some hot—Mike Richards and Aaron Rodgers—some annoying AF—Katie Couric—and one that Jeopardy! viewers never want to see again … “Dr.” Mehmet Oz. And remember that several former Jeopardy! contestants wrote to producers asking them to can Oz as a guest host, but now a contestant who endured his ego and ignorance is spilling the tea …

Recent Jeopardy! winner Emily Seaman talked about dealing with the “Dr.”, who she says she couldn’t remember if he was a real doctor:

“I always mix him up with Dr. Drew.”

Both quacks, but I digress … Emily spent a few days filming with “Dr.” Oz and how he had a hard time with the words. During the Final Jeopardy! of her second game the category was “Antidisestablishmentarianism” and Emily says mush-mouth Oz struggled to pronounce the word correctly, needing “seven or eight” takes to do so:

“He just couldn’t get it. And more than that he couldn’t get it, he didn’t know when he hadn’t gotten it, so it kind of seemed like the producers were like, ‘Are you gonna tell him that we’ve done this six times and he didn’t get it?’ Everybody in the audience was like, that’s not how you say that…”

Emily adds that she thought “Dr.” Oz was a quack before the episodes started airing, but that she chose not to protest his participation because she knew she’d never get a callback to be on the show.

At least she could pronounce ‘antidisestablishmentarianism’ “Dr.”

And “Dr.” Oz probably won’t be getting a callback from the producers.

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Prince Philip’s funeral is this Saturday, which means if you’re one of the 30 people attending you have mere hours to figure out what to wear; black is traditional, and slimming, so that’s a good choice. A bad choice, in both funeral attendee and what he’s going to wear is one Prince Andrew.

Andrew is demanding he be allowed to dress as an admiral, though he does not now, and never will, hold that actual rank. While he was made an honorary [i.e. fake] Vice-Admiral on his 55th birthday and was due to be promoted to Admiral on his 60th, this year, he deferred it until he can clear his name—without speaking to the FBI or any authorities—and return to public duties.

It sounds to me like he’s getting the funeral of his father confused with the cosplay he used to do with underage girls where he dressed like an Admiral and ordered those children to “walk his plank.”

Oh, and better still, he thinks Daddy’s death will open the door for the world to forget he’s a perv and allow him back on the Royal payroll.

Seriously nuts.

PS The Widow Betty Windsor has nixed sailor suits for the funeral.

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Just a few weeks ago the rumor spread that hopelessly in love Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez were over. She’d gone to the DR to film a movie and he didn’t go with her; their reps said he didn’t go because of COVID restrictions, but as soon as the gossip mill started that JLo was moving on with Lenny Kravitz suddenly A-Rod was able to fly, and off to the DR he went.

Once there, the lovebirds filmed an ad campaign for gummy vitamins and professed their love, but then, just as quickly, JLo began posting  pictures of herself on social media and she ….wait for it … it’s devastating … wasn’t wearing her ring!

And now comes the awful news that the lovers have called it quits and they issued a joint statement:

“We have realized we are better as friends and look forward to remaining so. We will continue to work together and support each other on our shared businesses and projects. We wish the best for each other and one another’s children. Out of respect for them, the only other comment we have is to say is thank you to everyone who has sent kind words and support.”

The love has died, but the opportunity to make money is alive and well. And … cue the influx of articles about how unlucky in love JLo is, and how she’s having a hard time finding love.

She doesn’t have a hard time finding it, she has a hard time keeping it.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Lindsay Lohan’s back y’all, and she’s got new music! RUN!!!

I kid … or do I? Lindsay announced on social media that she’s dropping a new single entitled “Lullaby” and she’s going release it as an NFT, or non-fungible token on fansforever.io. NFTs are digital collectibles that ALLEGEDLY represent something unique.

Basically, an NFT is something digital that you pay for so you can have it, but people who don’t pay for it can still see it. And the idea that Lindsay Lohan thinks people will buy her caterwauling so they can brag about owning it, is the height of hilarity.

Let’s go back to what I said at the start: RUN!!!!

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Also on Social Media this week, Social Media Whore Chrissy Teigen has gone all Alec Baldwin on your ass and quit Twitter; again.

Chrissy posts about everything and always gets a little clap back from folks, but now it appears that she’s done with all that. In a series of exit tweets—why she didn’t just leave quietly speaks volumes—Chrissy explained she couldn’t handle the amount of hate she was getting. She said she loved the time she spent on Twitter and that she kind of owes her career[?] to being an unfiltered, outspoken Twitterer, but that her current experience is pretty much non-stop negativity, and she’s over it.

Goodbye! Foot stomp. But don’t fret, you can still find her on Instagram and TikTok and talk shows, where she has once again over shared … 

Appearing  on The Late Late Show with James Corden and playing a game of Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts, Chrissy says she and her husband, John Legend, had sex at the Democratic National Convention.

Wow; media whore still media whorin’.

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Come on, y’all saw this coming …it has been announced  that Piers Morgan’s BFF, Sharon Osbourne, has been kicked to the curb by CBS and The Talk losing it on her co-host Sheryl Underwood while defending Piers Morgan. 

Of course, because the rich get richer, Osbourne was handed a $10 million check on her way out … and she’s now saying it was her choice to leave.

Riiiiight. After defending Morgan’s ALLEGED racist rants about Meghan Markle, it also came to light that she once called former Talk co-hosts Holly Robinson Peete “ghetto” and said Leah Remini was a “wop” and called boss lady Julie Chen “slanty eyed.”

Sharon, of course, denies saying these racist things but perhaps ten million can buy her some soul searching.

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For a minute there, we were all afraid that true love had actually died because it looked like JLo and A-Rod were done.

But breathe … they’re back to sharing their love all over social media, and using it to hawk products like Goli vitamin gummies on Instagram.

Love conquers all …especially when you can make some coins off of it.

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First Lindsay, and now Gwyneth Paltrow is back, and she has yet another beauty routine which she is calling a “less is more” regimen.

Gwyneth starts each day with a nut milk and almond butter smoothie, and then rubs a coarse brush on her body to exfoliate and boost circulation, using GOOP’s wood-handled brush. She follows that up with Goopglow Microderm Instant Glow Exfoliator to slough off more dead skin cells. Then comes a few drops of Vintner’s Daughter Active Botanical Serum followed by Jillian Dempsey Hydrating Eye Masks. She also loves Jillian Dempsey’s Gold Sculpting Bar which is made from 24-karat gold and vibrates—it’s a face dildo. After reinvigorating her skin, Paltrow uses Weleda Skin Food, Goopglow Glow Lotion, Unsun Mineral Tinted Sunscreen, and Goopgenes Clean Nourishing Lip Balm, Westman Atelier Vital Skin Foundation Stick,  Olio E Osso Lip & Cheek Tinted Balm, Kosas The Big Clean Mascara and Ilia Balmy Gloss Tinted Lip Oil.

And the best part? Paltrow’s “less is more” routine will set you back over $900 so,  while it’s marketed as simple, it’s not for you paupers.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Why do celebrities think they need to share everything with us? Seriously, do we need to know Gwynnie steams her cooch? Do we need to know Soleil Moon Frye’s first “consensual” sexual experience was when she was eighteen and she was boned by … wait for it … get a HazMat suit ready … it’s the height of ick … Charlie Sheen.

Soleil shared a journal entry dated December 18, 1994:

“It’s been the most strange and incredible day ever. He’s somebody I’ve had a crush on for years. He’s a person that intrigues me and excites me.”

And then she calls Sheen her “Mr. Big.” Like I said, Ick.

Soleil is aware of Corey Feldman’s sexual assault allegations against Charlie, but says she doesn’t know anything about that, and can only speak to her own experience. She also talks about experiencing her own sexual assault by an unnamed man when she was 17—hence the clarification that Sheen was her first consensual sexual encounter.

Look, everyone’s experience is different, but I don’t know that I’d air out the idea that I let Charlie Sheen’s dick anywhere near me.

That’s all.

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Kim Kardastrophe and Kanye West are now doing to each other what I have been begging them to do to all of us for years.

They have stopped speaking to each other.

Lucky them. If we could only get them to divorce America we might never hear from them again.

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And then we have Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez who have ALLEGEDLY broken up in the wake of his scandal with Southern Charm “star” Madison LeCroy. You see, last January, Twitter was set ablaze with rumors after the Southern Charm reunion special exposed ALLEGATIONS of infidelity involving an “ex-MLB star” and Southern Charm cast-member, and manhunter, Madison LeCroy, who admitted to FaceTiming A-Rod, but maintained the two had never Facetimed in person. LeCroy demurred:

“He’s never physically cheated on his fiancée with me.”

Physically? And so, JLo was embarrassed by that rumor—and yet, oddly, she’s never been embarrassed by her singing or her acting—and split from A-Rod. Or did she?

Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez are now saying reports of their demise as a couple have been greatly exaggerated—well, maybe not so greatly—because while there might be trouble in their made-for-social-media relationship, they are still fighting to stay together.

A source claims they haven’t been together because:

“She’s working in the Dominican Republic and he’s in Miami so it’s tough seeing each other especially with quarantining and COVID, but they want to try to stay together.”

Yeah, I buy that except for the fact that they have each posted lovey-dovey Instagram stories from various vacation spots, and daily pap strolls to the gym and out to dinner and such, all during the pandemic.

Look, they’re over. He has a wandering peen and she can’t seem to keep a man… possibly because she picks men with wandering peens.

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Drew Barrymore has a talk show so we are learning all sorts of things about her in a thirsty attempt to score more viewers.

She’s done with marriage! Until she does it again.

She’s done with drugs! She’s been saying that for years.

And she’s done with acting! Or, more likely, acting is done with her.

All of these things, however, are subject to change, but you aren’t allowed to remember that Drew said them.

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To prove my point about JLo, rumor has it that she has already scrubbed A-Rod from her life, and most importantly her social media, and set her sights on one Lenny Kravitz.

See, Kravitz has joined the cast of JLo’s upcoming film Shotgun Wedding and has ALLEGEDLY made quite an impression on his co-star. And we know this is true because JLo asked Kravitz to give her daughter guitar lessons and then posted a seductive video of herself dancing on the balcony of her hotel suite to the tune of Kravitz’s chart-topping hit “Fly Away.”

A not-so-subtle message to A-Rod and the world.

Still, I had higher expectations of Lenny Kravitz.

UPDATE: After telling us that she’s in the DR and he’s in Miami and with COVID they aren’t traveling, A-Rod flew to the DR to see JLo and perhaps put the kibosh on the rumors, or beg her forgiveness for being a cheating punk while she begs his forgiveness for moving on so quickly.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Oh Jussie. Former Empire actor, and Gay Boy Who Cried Wolf,  Jussie Smollett ALLEGEDLY had a sexual relationship with one of his ALLEGED ‘attackers,’ Ambimbola ‘Abel’ Osundairo.

Apparently, the couple, before Abel ‘bashed’ Jussie for some of his Empire coins, used to party together and go to a Chicago bathhouse to, um, well, bathe?

Oh Jussie, you don’t hire your sidepiece to ALLEGEDLY beat you up for sympathy press and a bigger contract for a TV show. Everybody knows that.

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This doesn’t look odd at all … Bruce Willis is self-isolating with ex-wife Demi Moore, and his three oldest children and their boyfriends and Demi’s assistant rather than self-isolate with his current wife, Emma Hemming, and their two young children. A source—Demi, no doubt because, seriously, what else does she have to do—says:

“Demi and Emma are close, and all three get on great as a big blended family. There are no issues at all. Emma needed to stay in L.A. with the young kids.”

Emma had to stay in LA while Bruce chose to stay with Demi? Uh huh; look, maybe it is all kumbaya in the Willis-Moore-Hemming household, but still  Bruce chose to self-isolate with his grown kids and not his younger ones?

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Some JLo juice? Okay … for whatever reason, Jose Canseco is still trying to convince the world that Alex Rodriquez is a cheating on JLo.

It all began last year, when Jose was watching World of Dance and Lopez, who at the time was newly engaged to A-Rod, and this annoyed Jose who claimed A-Rod was having an affair with his ex-wife Jessica Canseco—which Jessica has denied. Sadly, no one cared about Jose’s claims, but that hasn’t stopped him.

So, since no one cares—and let’s be clear, this will be another notch on JLo’s headboard and she be divorced from A-rod … if they ever marry … quicker than you can say How many times have you been married?—Canseco took to Twitter to wish:

“Happy Easter to everyone except Alex Rodriguez.”

Ooooh, burn. I love grown-assed men acting like thirteen-year-old girls. But then Jose followed that up with a message directed at JLo herself:

“Jennifer Lopez I have something to show you for your eyes only you will not regret it please contact Morgan at 702 374 3735”

Okay, first things first, who the fuck is Morgan? And how many Twit-heads tried calling him or her? And lastly, what the fuck is wrong with Jose Canseco? Did the steroids cause him to turn into a mean girl?

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It looks like one Anna Wintour won’t make Ricky Gervais’ Naughty List because Anna wants y’all to know that she has taken a pay cut during the pandemic.

Conde Nast, publisher of numerous magazines including Vogue, decided to tackle the COVID-19 situation with pay cuts and reduced work hours. CEO Roger Lynch is taking a 50% pay cut in an attempt to keep the company afloat, and a “temporary” pay cut will affect 10 to 20 percent of employees, but only those making $100,000 a year or more. It will go into effect May 1st.

Wintour—who ALLEGEDLY rakes in about $2 million a year—and I thought it’d be more—is included in the temporary pay cut group and will see her salary will be decreased by 20%.

Yes, people, Anna will have to make do on $1.6 million. I am starting a GoFundMe at once.

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Blac Chyna. Gurl. Did you learn nothing from Tori Spelling trying to use the pandemic to make people pay her to be on social media with them? Or, are you just that stupid?

Rhetorical question. You see, Chyna is selling FaceTime calls for $950 and social media follow backs for $250.

I wouldn’t pay this talentless miscreant social media whore 2 bucks to follow me home with my groceries, but it is funny to think that Chyna thinks she’s worth $950 on social media and Tori wanted just $95.

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After learning how hard Sam Smith has it in their London mansion, or how Justin Timberlake is struggling to raise ONE kid in the middle of a gated luxury community in Montana, or how Ellen feels like she’s living Orange Is The New Black But This Time In A Montecito Mansion … now we have Justin Bieber, and his streetwear model  wife, Hailey Baldwin, along with their BFF, Kendall Jenner, in an Instagram livestream talking about how important it is to acknowledge their privilege during these trying times.

Hailey hovers in the background making duck faces while Justin lets everyone know how blessed and rich they are, and they shouldn’t feel bad for it since they “worked” hard for it. Yes, while millions are out of work, and millions more have no healthcare, and thousands upon thousands are dying each and every day,  Justin and Hailey sit in their mansion and spew shiz like:

“How blessed are we to be able to like… a lot of people obviously in this time have a crappy situation. You know, they look at us and obviously, we’ve worked hard for where we’re at, so it’s like, you can’t feel bad for the things we have.”

At which point Kendall chimes in:

“[We’re] so blessed. I think about it all the time.”

Cut to the chase: this is what celebrities look and sound like when they get no attention. And to sit in your mansion and talk about how lucky you are because you worked so hard seems to imply that anyone without a mansion and servants and privilege doesn’t work hard at all.

The greatest payback would be for people to remember how these asshats acted, and when all this is over, stop buying their idiotic music or watching their stupid shows or, and this will kill these media whores, stop following and liking and sharing.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ... COVIDIOT-19 Edition

Arielle Charnas, a fashion influencer—whatever that means—is being, rightfully attacked for fleeing NYC to the Hamptons after testing positive for COVID-19. And, because her followers might ditch her and then what would she do, Charnas has taken to social media to issue tearful apology, all while her husband, Brandon, goes after her critics.

It all began when Arielle Charnas—who founded the lifestyle blog Something Navy and has 1.3 million Instagram followers--pissed off her “fans” when she got a COVID-19 test via connections to a fancy doctor while others in the city cannot get tested.

To make matters worse, these out-of-touch, self-entitled, media whores, Arielle and Brandon, filmed every detail of Arielle’s ordeal as she went to a drive-through testing site. And they kept filming when her test came back positive, and kept filming as she fled to the Hamptons, with the virus, and took all kinds of photos of her outside.

And people went off; and that’s went Arielle sniffled and apologized:

“My family and I are truly sorry to those we have offended for not appearing to [take] this crisis gravely seriously. We’re not bad people.”

No, you’re entitled selfish asshats. And your husband, Brandon is a dick. See, Brandon didn’t like being called out for being a moron, and took to calling one of Arielle’s “fans,” Andrea Rodríguez, “a loser” after she posted to Instagram that Arielle is “reckless, selfish and irresponsible.”

“Get a life,” Brandon said.

Perhaps Brandon—founder of commercial real estate firm Current Real Estate Advisors—needs to think of his own life, because while Arielle is positive for the virus, so is he and so is their nanny, who went with the infected duo to the Hamptons.

This is the One Percent; they get special treatment and don’t think the rules apply to them, and only when their image or their brand is threatened. do they pretend to apologize.

They should be in quarantine for months for being such Covidiots.

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Ivanka is self-isolating and wants y’all to know that she’s rereading The Odyssey and learning to play guitar, while describing her self-quarantine experience as similar to “pretty much every parent around the country” amid the COVID-19 pandemic.

Yes, my staff of nannies and maids and butlers share her pain. But, here’s the bigger question? Why is she not at the White House? I mean, Daddy’s there, holding his daily press rally; and even Jared’s at work, telling people who can and cannot get a mask. But Ivanka gets a vacation?

Well, she did appear on a Yahoo Finance interview to discuss Daddy’s plans for the country as well as the steps she’s taken to help curb the spread of the virus.

Um, let’s see …Daddy learned of the virus last fall and did nothing; he was reminded of it again in January and did nothing; a group of Senators went to the White House in February asking for emergency funding for an imminent pandemic and he did nothing. Then, when he finally realized how late he was to the “party,” he told us it would be over in two weeks, or we could go to Church on Easter, or that a 100,000 people dead was a win.

Yes, by all means you self-entitled little bitch tell us what daddy’s doing, and what you’re reading and how you and your kids and your staff are getting by in the manse.

Better yet, instead of reading Homer, read my lips: fuck off, you complicit bitch.

Sidenote: look at that photo and tell me she isn’t looking more and more like Daddy every day, and how much that is killing her!

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Speaking of out-of-touch and self-entitled media whores—I’m sensing a theme—Jennifer Lopez and fiancé Alex Rodriguez don’t think the virus will get them—they’ve probably already gotten tested and have masks and have their staff on a six-foot tether—because, well, this …

While these two ignorant millionaires probably have their own gyms in any number of the homes they own—or could have one built at the snap of a finger—their more concerned with getting their photos in the papers apparently. See, their regular gym in Miami was closed as the virus hit Florida, but the owners unlocked the doors for these two selfish pigs.

To be fair, Florida Governor, and _____ butt-bot, Ron DeSantis, hadn’t shut down the state as yet, but the gym did close its doors to patrons, except for J-Rod … or A-Hole. When they arrived at thee gym, they found a sign posted to the door:

“The gym is not open stay home stay safe.”

Well, that was meant for regular people because these two morons were allowed inside. Did they not know about the virus? Could be because JLo probably only reads the news when she sees her name in print, but, as they were leaving the gym, a mask-wearing security guard—maybe they think he can protect them from the virus—opened up the SUV door for them with a sanitizing wipe.

Maybe when they got home, they had the staff give them each their own sanitizing wash.

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And since we’re on a roll with asshats … Gwyneth ‘Contagion’ Paltrow and her husband Brad ‘Why Did I Get Married’ Falchuk.

With nothing better to do, and sure the world cannot exist without her wisdom, Contagion hosted a chat with “intimacy coach” Michaela Boehm about sex in the time of COVID-19. And one of the questions that Contagion asked is how she and Brad get their hypoallergenic rocks off during a pandemic when they are side-by-side with the kids in quarantine in their Brentwood mansion:

“We’re lucky that we have a really solid relationship but we’re also in the house with the kids and it’s pretty close quarters. I think we all feel, especially my teenagers right now, are feeling really pent in … [and] as a couple it’s sort of like, ‘Where do you go as a couple when you’re all in the house and you’ve got dogs, and work, and work from home’. It’s like, ‘What are you supposed to do?’”

Hmm, quick guess would be ANYWHERE ON IN YOUR 20,000 SQUARE FOOT MANSION where the children don’t have to listen to Contagion and Brad f-alch-uckng.

Of course, that photo up top there, taken during their intimacy interview, clearly shows the last thing Brad wants to do is Contagion.

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