It's Snarkurday!

Just a bit of advice: don’t come for Adele unless she sends for you.

Recently, music producer Tom Visconti failed to heed that advice and began throwing shade … at Adele:

“You turn the radio on and it’s fluff, you are listening to 90% computerized voices. We know Adele has a great voice but it’s even questionable if that is actually her voice or how much has been manipulated. We don’t know. There’s a sound to pop now that is so perfect it’s boring, because everything is fixed.”

I, personally, was offended, because we’ve all heard Adele sing live many many times and we know she can sing.

So, the other night, in concert, singing live and un-manipulated, Adele took aim at Visconti:

“Some dickhead tried to say that my voice was not me on record… Dude, suck my d-ck.” 

I’m in love with Adele for not saying some politically correct BS and just laying into Visconti, who might have been better served going after manipulated singers like Katy Perry or Taylor Swift — remember her “live” performance at the Grammys a few years back when she sounded like a screeching cat in a bag?

Or better yet, Tom, take on Britney for over-manipulation …. Except that would be like shooting Fish Who Can’t Carry A Tune In A Barrel.

I haven’t talked about Johnny Depp and Amber heard lately, though Amber really seems to be going for the coins, because she’s suing a friend of Johnny’s for calling her a gold-digger. It doesn’t make things look any better when new rumors surface that that Amber gave two thumbs down to a two settlement offers from Johnny.

Note to Amber: if someone calls you a gold-digger don’t sue them for … gold; and don’t keep turning down cash because you think you can get more.

I also didn’t talk about the rumor that Amber was physically abusive to an ex-girlfriend—she was arrested in a Seattle airport for striking her ex-love … pre-Johnny—because it makes it sound like since Amber uses her hands in an argument it makes it okay for Johnny to use his when fighting, too; it doesn’t.

It’s being said that Amber was offered $50,000 a month in spousal support for eight months and turned that down; funny, because when Amber first asked for a temporary restraining order, she also asked for $50,000 a month in spousal support and the judge said “Oh hell no” to that.

Now, Johnny says he will only cough up the monthly fifty-thousand if Amber agrees to a mutual restraining order.

Aw, the couple that mutually restrains together ….

Sources say Amber will never agree to a mutual restraining order, because she’s the victim of abuse in the relationship, and now she wants a permanent restraining order against Johnny, because she feels like she needs to do that for other victims and wants to make an example out of Johnny … or wants to make him squirm so the number of monthly coins increases.

Kudos to Megan Fox, who, during a promo tour for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows, roasted her co-star Will Arnett and his penchant for dating young, very young, women.

Fox said this about Arnett’s ‘girls’:

“They were progressively getting younger and younger as the weeks went on, and it got to the point where I was like, ‘Buddy, I’m worried. Should I talk to craft service and make sure they have Lunchables for your girlfriend?’ There’s no food here with cartoon characters on it.”

I also worry that, god forbid Arnett take one of these ‘girls’ to his dressing room and she tells him to hold on while she gets some Sweet tea and then Chris Hansen swoops in with the To Catch a Predator film crew.

Just sayin’.

Okay, everyone relax!! Taylor Swift is gonna be just fine after her breakup with Calvin Harris — who left because, ALLEGEDLY, the idea of a Flintstones-themed-pink-bubble-gum-Candyland wedding to TayTay was too much.

And she’s getting over from being under Calvin by remodeling her Manhattan apartment … to rid it of all things Calvin, working out … so she’ll be strong enough to beat the carp outta Calvin if he ever comes to  Hello Kitty convention when she’s there, and … wait for it … you knew it … writing a buttload of new songs.

Cue new Swifty-breakup album, ALLEGEDLY entitled ‘Something Came Between Me and My Calvin’ in five … four … three … two ….

So, former Married … with Children star, and current Modern Family patriarch, Ed O’Neill was recently recognized in the airport by a fan who came over to tell him:

“Oh, Mr. O’Neill, I love Modern Family, and you’re my favorite on the show.”

And she asked for a photo, and when Ed agreed she sat on the arm of his chair and she smiled broadly and he kinda grimaced and then said, Goodbye … to Miss Britney Jean Spears, bitches.

Yup, Ed had no idea it was the pop tart rubbing up against him on that airport chair. Perhaps she could’a wiped off the Cheetos dust from her chin and maybe busted out an a capella off-key Oops I Did It Again.

Nah, Ed still would’a thought she was some kinda crazy who bypassed airport security.

Earlier this week I wrote an open letter to actor Noah Galvin of TV’s The Real O’Neals who gave an interview to Vulture that turned all kinds of messy and name-calling and douchebag-gy — proving that The Gays are just like everyone else … some of us are dicks too.

I joked in my letter that ABC should fire Galvin, sending his character off on a years-long trip around the world while his gay cousin moves in with the family and the show goes on — shades of Cousin Oliver moving in with the Brady’s once Cindy grew up and because less precocious.

Lo and behold, that almost happened … sources say ABC was blindsided by Galvin’s interview, which was set up by Galvin’s personal publicist, Maria Candida, as part of an Emmy push for the actor, and so the network held back on the renewal button for the show, and was even thinking of asking for fewer episodes — less Galvin episodes?? — causing one show exec to “beg” ABC not to take action.

So, the show will be back, and Galvin, too, though I imagine a handler will be assigned to him to keep him from speaking off-script because this was not the first such incident involving his idiotic behavior.

Sources — and it might be the actor waiting for the call to play replacement character Gay Cousin Stevie — says Galvin has been warned multiple times about matters of “ego and entitlement.”

Like I said, European vacation and new gay character. That’ll work, I mean, remember when Richie and Joanie’s older brother just vanished form Happy Days never seen or heard from again. And he wasn’t acting like a douche either.

More evidence that The Gays are just like The Straights? Melissa Etheridge, who fought tooth and nail not to give her ex wife, Tammy Lynn Michaels, the mother of her now 9 year-old twins, any child support because she was never legally married to Tammy since same-sex marriage wasn’t legal until late in their relationship.

Well, that didn’t work, and Melissa, who has since re-married, to Linda Wallem, whom she was accused of cheating on Michaels with, paid through the nose — to the tune of 23K a month — in child support.

And now, though Melissa’s wealth is estimated at around $25 million, she is $10,000 behind on her child support payments and claims she doesn’t have any money though she and Linda live in a $5 million home to which they just added a home recording studio.

A friend says Melissa invested a lot of her money in things that didn’t turn a profit, and she just expects Tammy and their kids to be patient while she sorts it all out.

Um, yeah, it ain’t the kids or the ex’s fault you are bad at investments, honey. Imagine a straight guy saying that to his ex.

So, let’s go back to Taylor Swift — who is rumored to be hooking up with Tom Hiddleston, which makes me physically  sick —­ and the fight brewing between her and Big Ass, er, Kim Kardastrophe.

Swifty was supposedly pissed when Kanye West claimed she approved a lyric he wrote about her that says:

“I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex, I made that bitch famous.”

Kanye says Taylor was not only okay with the line, but that she wrote it and laughed about it, but Swifty’s people claim she never did any of that and that’s where Kim waddles her ass into the room and calls out Swift’s lie. She says Kanye and Taylor had an hour long conversation on the phone about the lyric and that Kanye video records all his phone calls because … crazy:

“She totally approved that. She totally knew that that was coming out. She wanted to all of a sudden act like she didn’t. I swear, my husband gets so much shit for things [when] he really was doing proper protocol and even called to get it approved. What rapper would call a girl that he was rapping a line about to get approval?”

A fame-whoring rapper married to the biggest fame-whore in the world and writing a lyric about another fame-whore, maybe? And it’s bound to get uglier, because that Cabbage Patch Kid known as Taylor Swift is throwing down at Kim, though her people:

“Taylor does not hold anything against Kim … as she recognizes the pressure Kim must be under and that she is only repeating what she has been told by Kanye West. However, that does not change the fact that much of what Kim is saying is incorrect. Kanye West and Taylor only spoke once on the phone … in January of 2016 … and they have never spoken since.”

It’s fun when fame-whores use each to boost their fame.

An Open Letter To Noah Galvin

I don’t really know you, Noah, but I’ve been watching your TV show, The Real O’Neals, where you, an openly gay actor, play an openly gay character on a show created by openly gay Dan Savage. It’s kind of a cute show, bordering on, and wanting to be, edgy, but falling into that typical situation comedy trap of set-up and joke, set-up and joke.

But this isn’t about your show, this is about how you don’t seem to be able to think before you speak; and this is something I know about, because I’ve been known to rant uncontrollably though, in your case, what you did was beyond … I mean, how else are we to explain that, during an interview with Vulture, you seemed to sharpen your fangs and dig right into just about everyone, most of whom you don’t even know, apparently.

You started off tame enough in the interview, bemoaning the fact that Hollywood tends to stereotype actors and since you’re playing a “funny gay kid” on TV you might always be seen as that. But then you decided to go after other actors, though, for the life of me, I cannot figure why.

When the subject of fellow actor Colton Haynes’ recent coming out came up, and how Colton may have teased on social media for a few months that maybe he was gay before he actually said the words, this was your take:

“That’s not coming out. That’s fucking pussy bullshit. That’s like, enough people assume that I sleep with men, so I’m just going to slightly confirm the fact that I’ve sucked a dick or two. That’s not doing anything for the little gays but giving them more masturbation material.”

Wow. So, you’ve has appointed himself the HOMO Director of Coming Out for the LGBT Community? I mean, we all come out when we want, when we need, when we feel it’s the right thing to do; sure, you probably came out after coming out from the womb, but that doesn’t mean everyone else has to follow your lead. So Colton Haynes chose his late twenties to come out. Who cares? I wonder what your take on Joel Grey might be since he waited until his 80s before saying, “I’m gay.” Is Joel a pussy, too, or is Colton a pussy because he teased about it?

But you quickly moved on from Colton Haynes, to Modern Family actor Eric Stonestreet and what you call his “gay minstrel performance” on TV:

“I’ve thrown Eric Stonestreet under the bus a solid seven times this week. … I think as wonderful of an actor as Eric Stonestreet is — I’ve never met him, I assume he’s a wonderful guy — he’s playing a caricature of a caricature of a stereotype of stereotype on Modern Family. And he’s a straight man in real life. And as hilarious as that character is, there’s a lack of authenticity. I think people — especially young gay kids — they can laugh at it, and they can see it as a source of comedy, but like, nothing more than that. And I want Kenny to be more than the funny gay kid.”

Um, Noah, open your eyes and take a good long look at the LGBT community; we are all kinds of people, from muscle men to mincing queens to nerds to jocks to … whatever; and however we are, however we act, we should never be demeaned for it. And that’s what you did when you mocked Eric Stonestreet’s character; you mocked every single effeminate and flamboyant and dramatic queen out there. But here’s the queer deal, Noah: some of us are like that, and some of us are not. And when we have to fight for recognition and are denigrated by people who hate The Gays because of the way some of us act, well, that is awful; but when one of our own denigrates us, that wound is more hurtful. Gay is all kinds of people, all colors and sizes and mannerisms and you need to remember that.

Of course, Noah you also decided to go after an “unnamed” guest actor on your show:

“There was a kid who guested on our show. He was flirting with me so blatantly, to the point where he asked me out a few times. At one point I turned to him and was like, Are you gay? And he was like, Well … I don’t know. I’m more like, go with the flow. And I was like, Shut the fuck up. Get out of my face with your wishy-washy bullshit answer. You’re a fucking faggot. Like, I know you are. You know you are. Stop beating around the bush. Just go make out with me in my dressing room.”

Are you trying to be funny, Noah, because you missed the mark. Maybe that guest actor was flirting with you because you are an openly gay man and he might be a little closeted and trying to find his way and this is how you speak to him? You really should be ashamed of yourself. But that isn’t the worst of your problems with saying whatever seems to pop in your head; it got worse when you talked about openly gay director Bryan Singer, who recently fought off an unproven allegation that he molested young boys:

“Yeah. Bryan Singer likes to invite little boys over to his pool and diddle them in the fucking dark of night. I want nothing to do with that. I think there are enough boys in L.A. that are questionably homosexual who are willing to do things with the right person who can get them in the door. In New York there is a healthy gay community, and that doesn’t exist in L.A.”

Um, Noah, that’s lawsuit shiz right there, unless you’re saying you have personal knowledge of what you’re talking about. And if you don’t … shut up. Just shut up.

Which might be what’s happening now; perhaps Bryan Singer’s attorneys speed-dialed ABC who emailed the PR department who called your manager who texted your agent who got into his Prius and raced to your house to tell you to shut the f**k up and start apologizing before ABC decides to send your TV character Kenny O’Neal on a long European vacation while his gay cousin, Stevie, visits from Cleveland for the next season and you’re out of a job

And so you instantly began to Tweet-apologize to everyone from Bryan Singer to Eric Stonestreet to Colton Haynes:

“I sincerely apologize to Bryan Singer for the horrible statement I made about him … My comments were false and unwarranted. It was irresponsible and stupid of me to make those allegations … and I deeply regret doing so. I have never been to Bryan’s house, and I admit there is no basis for any of the things I said or implied … I understand now that my statements were not at all funny and have serious implications.”

So, you know nothing of Bryan Singer but felt the need to spread false gossip? As what, a joke? A need for free publicity for your show? A desperate cry for attention? Whatever the reason …. Stop it. Well, after you apologized to Stonestreet and Haynes:

“To Colton Haynes and to the LGBTQ youth, especially those who have embraced our show, I have no right to dictate how or when anybody comes out of the closet; I know how difficult and scary the process of coming out can be, and the last thing I would ever want to do is make it scarier. For anyone. Lastly, as I said in the interview, I think Eric Stonestreet is a wonderful actor. I apologize to everyone that I’ve hurt with my comments and understand the damage that has been done. I am new to this and will certainly commit to being more thoughtful and wiser as I navigate all of this moving forward.”

Look, we’re all new to stuff, but take a minute to think before you speak and unless you know firsthand about someone, maybe don’t talk or joke or imply any kind of sexual misconduct with children?

And maybe try to be more understanding about when and why people come out; and learn that the LGBT community is made up of all kinds of people; Elton John … Jack Mackenroth … Nathan Lane … Tim Cook … Ellen … Lea DeLaria … Laverne Cox … Chaz Bono.

Noah Galvin. All different, and all having the right not to be judged by anyone for who they are, much less judged by one of our own.

I’ll end with the words of one of the people you don’t know, have never met, and yet felt the need to trash in print. After your apology, Colton Haynes said this:

“It’s extremely ironic that only a month ago I was tweeting [Noah Galvin} and saying that he should win an Emmy for his work. Then today he returns the favor by calling me a pussy and the worst to the entire world. Let me just clarify, I’ve never met this kid, so for him to judge me without even meeting [me] and having no idea the struggles I’ve been through or where I come from is absolutely uncalled for and quite frankly embarrassing on his part. … And since when did he become the judge of what’s appropriate. Shouldn’t we all be supporting each other? Enjoy all of your success. You’re young kid…hopefully you’ll eventually learn a thing or two. Good luck. I’m sure I’ll see ya around. – Colton Pussy Haynes”

Take a minute Noah, but keep apologizing, and learn a lesson. We are not all like you, and we are not at all like one another, except that we are gay. Our experiences, our lives, our choices on coming out, or not, are our choices.

You made your choice on when and how to come out and good for you. Maybe that’s what you should say the next time a person publicly comes out:

“Good for you.”

And then stop talking. 

I Didn't Say It ...

Harvey Fierstein, asking The Gays to stop protesting [t]Rump:

“Watching our people protesting Trump today I have to say that I don’t understand what we’re doing. I understand that we must always speak out against intolerance and bigotry and anyone who would destroy American values to ensure their own profits but, at this moment…WHY ARE WE DOING THE REPUBLICANS’ JOB FOR THEM? They created Trump. They earned him. As if their hateful rhetoric wasn’t enough, just in how they treated our President, they earned Trump! With every racist slight, with every homophobic slander, with every manufactured semi-automatic weapon and oil spill and fracking disaster and shuttered women’s clinic and attack on affordable health care, the Republican leadership built this Frankenstein monster. Let the monster they created and nurtured destroy them! What do you think they’ll do if we manage to Dump Trump? They’ll only turn around and give us the next horror from their arsenal of selfish intolerance. Look who they have to offer America. Next up is Cruz. CRUZ!!!!! Someone who has done nothing in his career but self promote, obstruct progress, and lie. Don’t you see that Trump is the radical that makes the dangerous Cruz look reasonable?”

As usual, Harvey nails it. Let the GOP have [t]Rump and then watch them implode because of it … latest news is that if [t]Rump is the GOP nominee, it’s very likely the Democrats would take back the House and the Senate.

Boom! Vote Blue!

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Noah Galvin, the newly out Kenny on The Real O’Neal’s, on playing gay on TV being like reliving his own coming out:

“I have found that there is a very clear distinction between how young people view the show as opposed to older people who have gone through this. I’m gay myself, and I haven’t gone through a lot of the things that Kenny goes through in the series. I felt a little disconnected from it because I was experiencing these things again but I was like, ‘Is this … crazy new and groundbreaking?’ I came off the stage and Twitter was ablaze with ‘Noah Galvin comes out ...' I was like, ‘I didn’t come out to anybody. It was just new information to you.’”

I just watched a Matt Baume video on Gays on TV through the ages … from being the silent ones, the comic relief, the butt of the joke, to being out loud, being proud, speaking up, being equal.

Kenny, and The Real O’Neal’s—while not a perfect show though it has its moments—is the result.

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Steve Grand, openly gay musician and Instagram darling, on the pitfalls of being pretty:

"I just know people have really, really low expectations of me and that’s what the Internet does. I’m such an easy person to target. Young, good-looking, white, gay men — we love to hate those people. But there’s been a real person there the whole time. I’m not very good at crafting the public image version of me. I’m just not. I’m too messy of a person, and I care too much about being able to be a real dimensional human being. [I’m not] a well-oiled machine. I still am just a regular person operating in the same world as everyone else. I’m not rich and famous. And I think there’s a weird disconnect that, when someone has any degree of fame on social media or whatever, we discount them as being a real, complicated human being. I feel like I have always fought for myself to be seen as a complex, nuanced human being, to the point where I would rather not have lots of success and notoriety if it means that I can’t let all the messy edges of me show.”

Oh Steve, you aren’t new or different. I passed ten of you on the way to work this morning. And the messiness is what you create by fame-whoring your every shirtless, drunken photo to the internet.

You’re cute, yes, and talented, yes, but you aren’t all that and a bag of chips. You're a stereotype of what people thing 'gay' looks like and what all gay men want.

Don't be the stereotype; break the stereotype.

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Arthur Blank, Atlanta Falcons owner, on Georgia's anti-LGBT ‘license to discriminate’ bill:

“One of my bedrock values is ‘Include Everyone’ and it’s a principle we embrace and strive to live each and every day with my family and our associates, a vast majority of which live and work in Georgia. I strongly believe a diverse, inclusive and welcoming Georgia is critical to our citizens and the millions of visitors coming to enjoy all that our great state has to offer. House Bill 757 undermines these principles and would have long-lasting negative impact on our state and the people of Georgia.”

Georgia is on the brink of ruining itself, and its economy, not to mention its image, by legalizing hate.

Thank the goddess that people like Blank are standing up and speaking out.

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Matt Bomer, on how he saw himself in Montgomery Clift:

“Even as a young kid — before obviously I knew anything about him, or even myself — I saw him on screen and I thought, ‘Oh wow he actually looks a lot like my brother. He was one of those really early screen icons for me to start with. Then once I learned the circumstances of his life, I realized how he was someone who did not want to be relegated to the times he lived in and was so progressive in so many ways.”

Bomer is set to play Clift in an HBO film. Perfect casting because I cannot help but think that, if Montgomery Clift had arrived on the scene in the early part of this century instead of the middle of the century, he’d be a Matt Bomer, too.

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