Snarky Thoughts

All right kids let’s make this queer: there is only one Cher, and there will always, only and ever be one Cher. I say this to the Twitterer who posted a clip of 27-year-old singer Dua Lipa and wrote:

“Dua Lipa, the Cher of our generation.”

And then Cher herself responded with:

“How many years are in a generation?”

My Thought: Come back in forty-five years if Dua Lipa is still recording and touring successfully or, failing that, come back when Dua Lipa has number one hits in six consecutive decades.

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There is nothing that can quench Madonna’s thirst for attention, but she wants everyone to know that she is obsessed with sex. Like she hasn’t said that every day since the late eighties, and even when she gave us a book that no one asked for called Sex. And then she also admitted that she regrets both her marriages, which must be lovely for the children she had with Guy Ritchie.

My Thought: Grandma needs a mental health day.

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Ozzy Osbourne revealed in a recent interview that he and his wife of 40 years Sharon Osbourne, plan to permanently move back to their native England in the next few months and that The U.S.’s political climate and frequent mass shootings are part of their reasoning.

My Thought: they’re moving back because Sharon’s big mouth has got her banned from TV in Americas and what else can she do?

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It turns out that video footage of JLo’s current wedding, where she performed at her own ceremony because, well, attention-seeking fame-whore, was leaked to the press, and JLo is steaming mad that someone would invade her privacy so.

My Thought: if it was all so personal and private, Jell-O, why did you sell the photos and the story and all kinds of intimate details to People magazine. Oh, wait, asked and answered:  attention-seeking fame-whore.

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Oh Stacey Dash, former actress, former Fox News bimbo, and Thing 45 lover, has made a fool of herself yet again, by posting a video of herself to TikTok where’s she crying over the death of DMX … who died of an overdose over a year ago.

My Thought: How is she going to react when she learns her career also died several years ago?

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I Didn't Say It.....

Sarah Palin, on daughter Bristol's about-face-engagement to baby daddy Levi:
"Bristol at 19 is now a young adult. We obviously want what's best for our children. Bristol believes in redemption and forgiveness to a degree most of us struggle to put in practice in our daily lives."
Which is Palin-speak for, "There isn't a chance in hell that I'm gonna let this happen."
See, while Bristol may believe in REdemption, Mama Bore thrives solely on REvenge.
Levi should sleep with one eye open.

Stuart V. Goldberg, who met with Lindsay Lohan before declining to become her lawyer, says of Lohan:
"My impression of Lindsay is that she's a fragile lost child – a sleeping beauty with her head in the sand. I found her not fully forewarned of the consequence of her actions. I'm concerned that she's not disciplined or tethered enough to the reality of adult consequences. She doesn't seem to have the awareness of what's going to befall her. My real worry for her is not just the jail time, but my fear is that she's overly susceptible to a probation system that's set up for her to fail."
The probation system hasn't been set up for Lohan to fail, her family and friends and her own exaggerated sense of self-worth have already done that.

Village People, on the YMCA changing their name to "The Y":
"We are deeply dismayed by today's announcement from the YMCA that they feel a name change and a rebranding are in order after 166 years. Some things remain iconic and while we admire the organization for the work they do, we still can't help but wonder Y."
It's fun to stay at the Y-aye-aye-aye......It's fun to stay the the Y-aye-aye-aye.....
It just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Tori Spelling, on her children, marriage equality, and her big gay friends:
"I’m all for same-sex marriage -- obviously. I often refer to myself as a gay man and all my friends are gay and I would like nothing more than for them to be able to be married. I think the good news is that things are changing, generationally. My kids will grow up in a house knowing that it’s perfectly normal for two men to be in love, it’s perfectly normal for two women to be in love. They might even think it odd when they grow up for a man and woman to be in love and that’s how it’s changing. My kids will grow up knowing it’s all about love. It doesn’t matter who you’re with and everyone should have that experience. Being able to be in love and to commit to each other if they want to. I feel like that is changing."
For a nutjob, she does seem to be raising her children to know that love comes in all combinations.

Hawaiian Asshat Governor Linda Lingle, on same-sex marriage being akin to first cousins marrying and incest [and for the record, Linda, in Hawaii, first cousins can marry]:
"For those people who want to makes this into a civil rights issue, and of course those in favor of the bill, they see it as a civil rights issue. And I understand them drawing that conclusion. But people on the other side would point out, well, we don’t allow other people to marry even — it’s not a civil right for them. First cousins couldn’t marry, or a brother and a sister and that sort of thing. So there are restrictions, not to put it in the exact same category. But the bottom line is, it really can’t be a civil right if we are restricting it in other cases, and it’s been found to be legal in those other cases, that the restrictions."
Seriously, when will they tire of the homosexuality = bestiality = incest line?
It's never been proven true, and it never will be proven true.
It's the Right-Wing-Religious-Zealot-Republican-Wingnut-Asshat-Fear-Mongering ritual, as usual.

Joan Rivers, Tweeting about Lindsay Lohan:
"Lindsay Lohan is so dumb. Her idea of being sworn in is cursing at the judge.....I was just reading about the new Lindsay Lohan diet, which is all liquid. 80 proof.....Lindsay Lohan had 'F-ck you' painted on her nails. What people don't know is that the judge had 'Eat me you party skank,' painted on hers."
You're killing me over here, Joanie!

Mark Ruffalo and Julianne Moore, stars of The Kid's Are All Right--a film about two lesbians, their children, and the, um, sperm donor--on gay marriage:
Mark Ruffalo: "My son, we live down the street from a gay couple and they have a boy. And my son has played with them for many years, and goes to their house for lunch, and hangs out. And not once has he ever come and said, 'Papa, why does he have two papas?' Because his house is no different than mine, and it's only conditioning that would make him aware of that. In the human heart we want to see more of what's common in each other than really what's uncommon."
Julianne Moore: "If you haven't ever met a gay person, or known a gay family...if you've never known anything that's different from you, you might think well, hmm... But the more you learn and the closer it is to you, I think the more rapidly your ideas change."
Common sense. Simple common sense.
Refreshing, isn't it?

Ozzy Osbourne, on Lady GaGa:
"I'm not sure about her music, but I like her vibe. Shes a bit fucking crazy?"
Ozzy says GaGa is crazy?
Pot.
Kettle.
Osbourne.