I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Lindsay’s not gonna like this.

After the craptastic—yeah, I should probably just call it crap—Lifetime move, Liz & Dick, starring former actress, current homeless party crasher, Lindsay Lohan, bombed on TV into a cascade of jokes, bad dialogue, and high-larious pictures of Lohan as Taylor, comes news that yet another movie about the legendary screen giant—seriously, you don’t think I mean Lohan, do you?—Liz Taylor is about to be made.

The new film, not entitled Liz & Dick, but called the far more interesting Burton & Taylor, will star Helena Bonham Carter as Taylor, even though, to quote HBC: “I look nothing like her,” with Dominic West playing Richard Burton.

This TV movie--filmed for the BBC and not for, well, craptastic Lifetime--will focus on their relationship in the ’80s, after their second divorce while Lohan’s—for lack of a better word—portrayal of Liz was from the 60s and 70s Liz and Dick.

Still, you gotta wonder how Lindsay feels knowing a second TV film is being rushed into production so that the image of Lohan as Liz can forever be eradicated from our mind’s eye.

I used to watch Up All Night because Christina Applegate and Will Arnett were high-larious in it. It never did very well in the ratings despite having a pretty phenomenal cast, including Oprah-esque Maya Rudolph, and NBC has tinkered with the show incessantly, trying to make it work. In fact, they tinkered so much, that Applegate has chosen to leave.

Yup, Applegate has left the building, saying: “It’s been a great experience working on Up All Night, but the show has taken a different creative direction, and I decided it was best for me to move on to other endeavors.”

Code for NBC is gonna 'eff' this mother up and I'm getting out before the train wrecks.

And so the show about the hard partying couple whose lives were shaken up when they had a baby will go on, though the mother of the baby, played by Applegate, won't be there any longer, and the show will focus on Arnett, the baby daddy, and Rudolph, the mama's friend.

How this will work is....oh hell, we all know it won't work.

Say goodnight already.

So, Bradley Cooper and Zoe Saldana got their ALLEGED swerve on for about a year before splitting up, and Zoe’s not taking the news so well. She’s desperate to get the Oscar nominee back but the other woman in Bradley's life, his mama, ain't feeling it.

Gloria Cooper, who lives with her movie star son, has told Bradley not to go back to Zoe because she just isn’t so sure she’s the right 'girl' for him.

Hmmm, maybe Bradley doesn't need a girl, if you get my meaning, and if those nagging rumors are true.

Note to self: find out where Gloria Cooper gets her nails done and get the manicurist right next to her.

Mr. and Mr. Bradley Cooper has a nice ring to it, no?

In an interview for CBS Sunday Morning, John Mayer dubbed himself a “jerk” and came clean about his previous dating life--in what smells like a desperate attempt to keep current f**k buddy Katy Perry by his side--with the gals, Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson, Taylor Swift, and Jennifer Love Hewitt .... Wait. Mayer dated Hewitt. Wow. That's a skank I never smelled before.

Anyway, John also notes that the backlash that came with his overly candid--and disrespectful--interviews was hard on him because he lost his singing voice due to lesions on his vocal chords, and had to have surgery, as well as injections in his neck, in order to fix the problem.

Wow, I didn't know, and all I can say is, Go back to being a jerk--because you do it so well-and then maybe you'll lose your voice again and we'll never have to hear from you again.

Just sayin'.

So, with court cases, tax liens, and no real career to speak of, rumors surfaced that Lindsay Lohan had moved back into Mama Dina's Crack and Chardonnay B&B on Long Island. She was even sleeping in her old bedroom.

Oh, not so fast ye of little faith. Lindsay wants y'all to know that she is not renting her old room at Chez Cocaine, but she is, in fact, living the high live in a dee-luxe apartment in the sky-y-y-y. One that's owned by a friend, of course. The friend who is letting Lindsay stay there rent free until she finds a place of her own.

Good thing because Lohan, up to her firecrotch in bills can't pay no rent. And good thing she got outta Mama Dina's manse because that house is just seconds away from foreclosure. Maybe Dina will rent a couple of penthouse rooms out to Dina; one to sleep in, and one to house the chardonnay.

Toni Braxton has decided to call it quits on her 20-year music career: “I don’t feel the love for music anymore. It’s not affecting me, making me feel that thing I’ve always felt when I perform."

Music issued a statement: This is news to us, because we left Toni in 1996, right after Unbreak My Heart so we don't know what she's talking about.

Now, a bit more on Lohan, and her savior/benefactor/drug dealer, Charlie Sheen.

Last week Lindsay showed up at the AMFAR event in New York and everyone was surprised because, well, she’s a high class call girl, and she’s broke, and how could she possibly afford a dress for the party?

I mean, does anyone seriously believe any designer would ‘loan’ Sticky Fingers Lohan a dress, shoes and jewels? Why take the risk that they would either be stolen, or lost, or come back with some kind of, um, stain on them.

So, having no one to turn to, and realizing that all of Dina’s clothes look like leftovers from the Who’s The Boss closet, Lindsay turned to Charlie, who arranged with stylist Philip Bloch to get something for Lohan; and Charlie coughed up the dough for the shimmering Cavalli gown Lohan wore that night.

And Bloch is talking about how he took Charlie’s money and stretched it as far as he could go, but, you know, even he says it wasn’t his best work.

Lipstick on a pig, you know.

Poor Justin Bieber, he wants to be taken seriously as an ‘artiste.’

And, he thinks, to that he needs to win a Grammy, which is hard to do when you don’t even get nominated. Which is where this story starts….

On the heels of his heartbreaking Grammy snub and breakup from Selena Gomez, Justin Bieber’s reckless partying has his loved ones—and those who depended on him for a paycheck … Which could also be his loved ones—in a panic and begging him to enter rehab.

In fact, since the break up, and the Grammy snub, Bieber has ALLEGEDLY had a drug-fueled hookup with a nursing student, has been seen frequently smoking marijuana, drinking the street cocktail “sizzurp,” driving recklessly and partying to all hours of the night.

Um, he’s eighteen, right? Isn’t that what all eighteen-year-old Lesbians do? I mean, when they have no real, discernible talent other than warbling off-key for pre-pubescent girls?

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

Ooh, a showdown between Oscar and the Superbowl!

It seems that organizers of the Academy Awards are debating whether to move the ceremony up to late January or early February starting in 2012. They hope that the earlier date will boost TV ratings by being one of the first award shows of the season.
But something called football may toss a monkeywrench into the plans, because the NFL--whatever that is--is considering adding two more games to its schedule.
Academy President Tom Sherak said:
"It's not a done deal yet. I think we would like to do it. Progress is being made, but we don't have it all right just yet. We still are the mother of all awards shows. But in today's world, everybody wants it now. People don't want to wait. You need to stay relevant."
Another snag, besides a bunch of grown men in tight pants....huh?....is that with the earlier airdate, Academy voters may not have enough time to screen the nominees. So, the Academy wants to go all techno on it, and stream the nominated movies online.
What do you think: Oscars or this Football fad?

File this under: Get Your Resume Together:

It seems that one of Britney Spears' former nanny's--not for her, for the kids--is suing Britney for $55,142.00, saying she took care of the Federline boys, Jayden James and Sean Preston. way back in 2007, but resigned a month later.
Ferial Zaltash believes she is owed $35,202 in unpaid wages and an additional $19,940 for penalties for unpaid wages and overtime work.
Seriously?
Britney pays her nanny 35K a month?
How do I get that job? I mean, how hard would it be taking care of those two boys? Pork rinds and sprite oughta do it.
And I get $35,000 a month.

I'm getting in line for this one!
20th Century Fox has announced that it is also jumping on the vampire bandwagon, and has won a bidding war to film Seth Grahame-Smith's Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

A book I am reading right now and loving!
Apparently, the studio wanted the movie so bad, they went to great lengths in the pitch meeting to prove it. When the filmmakers arrived on the lot for their meeting, they found signs that read, “Parking for Vampire Hunters Only, Park at your own risk" and discovered bloody footprints in the parking lot and silver bullets in a bowl at the check-in desk.
And it seems that their show paid off and the Fox plans to go into pre-production immediately. They've already planned a $69 million dollar budget, snagged Tim Burton to produce and plan for a 2012.
Tim Burton. Abraham Lincoln. Vampires.
Color me thrilled.

Rumor has it that before Oprah Winfrey agreed to give the once-Queen of Nice, Rosie O'Donnell, her own show on Oprah's network, I-OWN-U, the larger than life...and getting larger every day.....Winfrey performed a "crazy check" on Rosie, and insisted on getting it written in chocolate--so she could eat it later--that there would be no drama with setting up the new Rosie show.

An insider--and by insider, i mean the woman who travels with Oprah's food--says: "Oprah needed to have Rosie's word before she would move forward. For as big a deal that Oprah is she runs her company like a small business. She wanted to look Rosie in the eye, shake hands and made a deal between the two of them in person."

And, ALLEGEDLY, Oprah isn't denying that she and some of her I-OWN-U executives visited Rosie over the summer. Oprah says: "Rosie said, 'I know you're here to assess how crazy I am.' I said, 'Basically, yes. I'm doing a crazy check. If you have an issue that's causing a problem, speak to me, woman to woman, so that it doesn't become a worldwide issue."
I thought everything about Oprah was worldwide.
Just sayin.

Oh Ashton.
Add to that, ALLEGEDLY, oh Demi.
It seems that Brittney Jones, the girl who claims to have been Ashton's playmate while Grandma Demi was out of town, continues to talk.
And not just about him.

Jones is now talking about Ashton and Demi Moore's marriage, saying that she loved banging him in their living room was cool because Ashton and Demi an "open marriage policy!"
Oh yes she did!
In a new interview with that bastion of journalistic integrity, Star Magazine, Brittney says Ashton told her that he shared an "open relationship" with Demi and that their hookup was "normal and OK."
Furthermore, she ALLEGES that Ashton confessed that he and Grandma Demi liked to have "threesomes often" and she believes that the reason that Demi is so upset is because she wasn't invited to the germ-fest-a-palooza.
Brittney says: “[Ashton] said they share women, but he isn’t supposed to go off and sleep with women on his own. He said Demi had to be there and that Demi likes to pick the girls out. He explained that he and Demi had a deal where they had to share lovers. He felt bad that he had been with me and didn’t share."
I guess Demi wants her piece of the pie, too.
Such a lovely couple. ALLEGEDLY.

WTF is up with Toni Braxton?
It seems that she has filed for bankruptcy again!
And by again, I mean she already went that route once back in 1998.

Now, she was recently seen out and about having a grand time, partying it up at a Miami Dolphins/New England Patriots game, but maybe she was just drinking away the shame.
See, Toni Braxton filed Chapter 7 bankruptcy in California, where she states that she's only worth between $1 million and $10 million dollars, but has ALLEGEDLY up to $50 million in debt.
Allegedly, because she isn't sure how deep her debt goes.
In court papers, Braxton lists a the creditors to whom she thinks she owes money: AT&T, The Four Seasons Hotels, Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, DirecTV, Neiman Marcus, The William Morris Agency, Tiffany & Co., Orkin Pest Control, The IRS, Nevada Power Company, among others. She also said she owes the DMV in both California and Nevada money.
Seriously, someone get her out of those barely-there outfits she loves and get her a fully-there accountant.

Like the rest of the world, Lisa Rinna has finally had it with her lips.
Her, ahem, fake, filled with silicone, lips.

It seems that Lisa Rinna has finally admitted that this past August she went to a plastic surgeon who fired up the Dyson and sucked the silicone from her upper lip.
I'm told the process took several days. I mean, that was a lot of silicone in those lips,.
On the Today Show, doing her I Have My original Lips Tour, Lisa told Meredith Vieira: "My lips started to define who I am. That bothered me... I took a big hit for being honest. It gave everyone online permission to lambaste me. It hurt my feelings."
And her lips apparently hurt husband Harry Hamlin whenever they kissed, because Rinna described them as "bumpy and lumpy."
Or, was she talking about her breasts.
No, I kid, it's her lips, Bumpy and Lumpy.
But in six months they should be back to normal.
Then she'll do the breasts, Droopy and Saggy.