It's Snarkurday!

50 Cent is a petty lil bitch; I mean, you always hear about women catfighting, but Fiddy is the queen of the catfight.

It seems that he and fellow rapper Ja Rule have hated each other for years and recently, after one of Ja’s shows was cancelled, Fiddy trolled him with this:

“Only 10 tickets sold don’t nobody want to see that shit, you talking about wait we get a lot of people on the walk up. Get the fuck outta here get the strap.”

Yeah, I’m not sure what it means either, because Fiddy don’t know punctuation, but, to add insult to injury he then bought all the front row seats at another Ja Rule show so they would be empty on the night of the performance.

Like I said, petty lil bitch.

photo

Beyoncé changes her weave and it becomes news, so how does former bandmate Kelly Rowland keep her name in the papers?

By posting a picture of herself in which her skin appears to be several shades lighter than normal, and then taking on the ALLEGED trolls who think she bleaches her skin:

“Don’t go saying stupid stuff like that. You ever thought that it could be the lighting? I am still chocolate, forever chocolate, proud to be chocolate, shoutout to all my chocolate girls.”

Girl, bye; no one needs your Fake New story.

photo

Kanye West has designed T-shirts encouraging black people to exit—or Blexit–the Democratic Party.

I’m designing Kexit for people leaving Kanye West. That’s all.

photo

Every year Casamigos Tequila holds a Halloween party in LA where A-listers mingle with B-listers, C-listers … and Kathy Griffin.

And you just know that booze and costumes are a recipe for d-i-saster, and so when you throw in former Real Housewife and media whore Brandi Glanville, the recipe gets doubled.

It seems Glanville attended the party with a female friend whose ex-boyfriend, Kobie Randolph, aka DJ K-LUV, turned up, too.

And Kobie claims his ex-girlfriend assaulted him—punching him in the face and splitting his lip—and then Brandi jumped in, too, but … Brandi told cops she broke up the fight. I know! Let that sink in … Brandi Glanville broke up a fight.

Anyway, even though Randolph filed a police report for battery, no one was arrested, but like I said ….

Liquor + costumes + Brandi Glanville = d-i-saster.

photo

It’s time for another piece of the saga that is the Nicki Minaj-Cardi B feud.

A few weeks ago, the two singers had a fight on a red carpet with Cardi B hurling a shoe and Nicki hurling F-bombs.

So, what’s happening now? Well, Nicki’s talking and talking about Cardi B because her own tour was canceled—people are over Miss Minaj—and so she’s stirring the shiz.

Nicki began saying Cardi wasn’t assaulted by one of Nicki’s bodyguards at that fashion event, and Nicki is claiming Cardi is exerting some of her “influence” to keep people from collaborating with Nicki. Nicki is also claiming that no matter what Cardi says, she did not reveal the B’s private phone number.

Cardi reacted with this:

“I’m tired of the f**king whole internet sh*t, I’m tired of the interview sh*t. If you really wanna talk about it, you know where to link me … We can talk about it, or we can fight it out. I’m with whatever.” 

Then Nicki Tweeted: 

“I’ll pay you to take a lie detector test about every claim I made [but] you won’t. I must admit you’re a convincing liar.” 

Then Nicki claimed she was through:

“I know this stuff is entertaining & funny to a lot of people but I won’t be discussing this nonsense anymore.” 

Odd, since Nicki’s the one who restarted the feud, but I guess when your relevancy is slipping, and your ego is taking a beating, you’ll do whatever it takes to keep your name in the news.

At least she’s not talking about how she doesn’t bleach her skin.

photo

Oh Paltrow, again? Gwyneth Paltrow’s favorite child, GOOP, is in trouble again. After being ordered to fork over $145,000 because of the vagina eggs they were shilling, GOOP is now in trouble in the UK.

The Sunday Times claims GOOP is being “reported to British regulators over 113 alleged breaches of advertising law.” 

The issue at the center of this mess is a vitamin supplement packet marketed to pregnant women called The Mother Load which contains a high amount of vitamin A and too much vitamin A during pregnancy can “lead to birth defects and liver toxicity.” 

Naturally, a spokesperson for GOOP was at the ready:

“When used as recommended, Goop’s The Mother Load supplements are safe during pregnancy … The Mother Load contains a very moderate 450 mcg of vitamin A which is less than the recommended daily intake of 600 mcg per day … The 4000 IU beta-carotene included in Mother Load is only converted in the body to vitamin A as needed, and there is no safety concern for eating this, as there would be no safety concern for eating a large number of carrots containing beta-carotene.”

The statement did admit that the “concern is that pregnant women not consume excessive vitamin A,” and added that “moderation is the best policy.” 

Seriously, the company that sells t-shirts for a grand-and-a-half is suggesting moderation?

Someone get Gwyneth’s $900,0000 fainting couch ready.

photo

Last week we talked about That Woman gifting her BFF with a trip to the plastic surgeon for her birthday, and now we learn that one of That Woman’s demon spawn, Kylie, has gifted her with a brand-new $250,000Ferrari for her 666th birthday.

Of course, the gift exchange took place on camera and once That Woman slithered into and then out of the driver’s seat the car was taken back to the dealer and then sold at a greatly reduced price.

photo

A year ago, Today was sending Matt Lauer to The Old Sexual Predator’s Home while trying to find a way to keep the coins from the year-and-a-half left on his $20 million a year contract for themselves. Naturally, Lauer wanted it all and ALLEGEDLY got nothing, but now it’s Megyn Kelly’s turn.

Kelly was halfway through her $69 million three-year contract with NBC News when she got the axe for her racist insensitivity and now she wants every single penny left on her deal and is refusing to sign a non-disclosure agreement. 

NBC News chairman Andy Lack doesn’t wanna give up the coins and seems to be saying that Kelly’s idiotic blackface comments broke her morals clause and so she gets no mo money.

Sources—and it might be Lauer who may be sleeping on the Today Show set—say that it’s not known how this will pan out, and it all depends on how hard Megyn’s lawyers fight against NBC’s lawyers for that check.

We’ll get a clue when the wine budget for Hoda and Kathie Lee comes in; if it’s up, Kelly’s screwed, but if it’s down, she’s scored some big bucks.

photo

About a year ago, rumors broke about Sarah Jessica Parker and another SATC movie, and how Kim Cattrall was ruining it all by refusing to come back to that tired saga. And suddenly the press was attacking Cattrall, calling her a diva and “difficult” and “greedy,” claiming she was ruining SATC for the world—while I think she did us a favor by taking it off life-support—because she’s an awful person.

The controversy heated up again when SJP, acting just so sweet and innocent, dismissed Cattrall in the press—using her lap-dog, Andy Cohen to help smear Kim—even when Cattrall was mourning the loss of her brother.

Cattrall then slammed SJP for her fakery on social media, calling out her phony nice-girl persona and after that, for a while at least, SJP shut up and the feud seemed over.

But SJP just can’t help herself, and is once again letting everyone know that she never did anything wrong and that Kim Cattrall is the bad guy:

“If one more person calls this a catfight… I’m not in a fight. I never fought with Kim … She has felt perfectly comfortable to say lots of things—that’s the beauty of living in a democracy—but I have no apologies, meaning, this isn’t a catfight. This is someone who chose to talk about something and myself, I remain grateful for her work and the role she played on and off camera for all the years we spent together.”

Someone who “chose to talk”? Um, yeah, Kim talked, and said she didn’t want to do an SATC again, and then talked when SJP went after her in her passive-aggressive, woe is me, I’m so nice way; and then Kim closed her mouth and yet SJP keeps talking.

And sure, SJP didn’t use her own voice to attack Kim; she used Cohen and Kristin Davis and supporting players on SATC and day players, to smear Kim Cattrall, while Kim used her own voice and spoke her own truth and then shut up.

If there isn’t a catfight, Sarah, it’s on Kim’s side because she’s moved on; you’re the one keeping it alive.

photo

More Kanye ... 

After his insane visit to the White House, amongst all his Twit-Rambles and his new line of Blexit shirts, this week the rapper/lunatic claimed he was being used by the politicians and is now swearing off politics for good.

If only he’d swear off Twitter …and music …and fashion… too.

photo

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Hallelujah and praise the Baby Jeebus! Justin Bieber’s been arrested!

Around 4AM Thursday morning, Miss Justine was caught drag racing down a Miami residential street in a Lamborghini, which is illegal on its own. But let’s toss in the fact that nineteen-year-old Miss Thang failed a sobriety test!

Underage! Drunk! Drag racing — and not the good RuPaul kind! Dick!

Police officers saw two cars racing at 4:09 AM Thursday, with two other vehicles apparently being used to block the area off; the second car was a red Ferrari, and that driver, R&B singer Khalil Sharief, was also arrested. Both cars were towed.

At the scene Bieber failed a field sobriety test and was taken to the Miami Beach police station for a Breathalyzer and processing, and was then transported to the Miami-Dade County jail, where he will undoubtedly soil his drawers and cry for his Mommy.

Now, the case: for a first DUI offense, there is no minimum sentence but a maximum sentence is six months, a fine of $250 to $500, and 50 hours of community service. For anyone under 21, there is an automatic six-month license suspension. First offense of a drag-racing offense nets a sentence of up to six months, a fine of $500 to $1,000, and a one-year license suspension.

But, let’s be clear: rich, white, celebrity, however untalented, Bieber won’t go to jail.

Damn! But he has started his Official Criminal Record!

I think he’ll Out-Lindsay Lohan.

And speaking of Lohan, you gotta hand it to her. I mean, she’s gone down more times than George Michael in a London bathroom, and yet she still thinks she’s “somebody.”

Lindsay is still in England, partying or something, because no one really knows. She’s been in and out of London clubs for more than a week, and seems to be surrounding herself with the crème-de-la-crème of UK druggies and dealers.

And so, since she's a huge star, where Lohan goes, the paparazzi follow, and what’s a mega-star to do when she can’t tumble out of a club at 4AM without a pesky photographer snapping away? She calls the police and asks to be escorted to her car.

Seriously. Last week Lohan left the john’s house where she was staying and went off to a “friend’s” place in West London. Upon arrival at the house, there were four police officers waiting, ALLEGEDLY called by Lohan herself to help her get into the building without paparazzi snapping her teetering footsteps.

The photographers asked the officers if helping Lindsay across a sidewalk was the best use of taxpayer funds, and they replied that they respond to any call they receive.

Now, once Lohan was ensconced in the house, the officers left, but did return a few hours later when Lindsay was ready to leave. The police guided her into a waiting car and then followed the car halfway back to her john’s house. There, another police car with two officers inside was waiting to make sure she walked the 10-feet from the car into the doorway without incident.

She’s a big star, y’all; she’s not just a media whore looking for attention.

Really. Really.

I didn’t mention this last week because, well, it’s Kanye and there’s always a ton of Kanye stories and I needed a break.

But, let’s dish: it seems some 18-year-old kid followed Kim Kash Kow Kardastrophe into a building and he kinda yelled at the paparazzi to leave her alone; I guess he thought he was a London cop protecting Lohan? Anyway, Kim told him to relax and so he went off on her, screaming obscenities, calling her a slut and a whore and dropping some N-bombs. Well, Kim either called or texted Kanye, who was in the building, and he came swishing screaming in to save her and began punching the kid about 30 times.

Eyewitness say the 18-year-old was sitting in a chair in a chiropractor's office when Kanye started slugging him in the face as Kim stood there, watching. The receptionist was screaming, “Stop, stop,” but Kanye ignored her and the kid dropped to the floor, trying to block the Fists of Kanye. Finally, a massage therapist came out and pushed Kanye off the kid. Then Kim and Kanye fled.

Now, there are sources — whose name is something like That Woman — who say Kim has been talking to her lawyer about suing the kid because he ALLEGEDLY “threatened to hit her. He said, ‘I bet I could beat you … Slut! N***er lover! C**t.”

The source goes on to say that Kanye, who ran to Kim's side like a knight in shining Armani was also verbally attacked by the kid, who “continued with the slurs [and] was in Kanye’s face and wouldn’t stop. He was taunting him.”

All the more reason for a grown-assed man to beat an 18-year-old, rather than just removing his  Baby Mama from the room. And now Kim, in an effort to make the scene appear direr, says she feared she would be killed during the racially charged run-in.

But then why not just leave? Why not call the police? Why not do anything other than calling your hot-headed ill-tempered baby daddy?

Oh yeah, free publicity.

More from Krazy K?

A Kardashian family holiday get-together at That Woman’s manse erupted into a shouting match at the dinner table when That Mother heard that Kim was changing her name to Kim Kardashian-West!

There goes The Brand, That Woman shrieked. How am I gonna make a dime off’a you if you change your name? Make Kanye change his to Kanye Kardashian and let the cash registers ring!

But then, with everyone silent, and dumbstruck — a normal mode for most Kardashians — Kanye spoke up, “She will be known as Kim West! My wife will bear my name only! ”

Then That Woman turned into a cheap Joan Crawford knock-off and pushed Kanye through a glass coffee table shrieking at him about respecting her.

ALLEGEDLY.

Back to Miss Justine, and the Egg Toss.

Last week Miss Justine Bieber’s house was raided by cops because he was accused of making an omelet of his neighbor’s home and causing some $20,000 in damages. They found no eggs, but did find drugs and arrested Bieber’s buddy, rapper Lil Za, for possession of Molly. 

They also seized a bunch of stuff, like Little Justin’s cell phone and now she’s worried about what cops are going to find on the cell phone, like nekkid selfies and maybe pictures of Justin doing all those drugs that were found in the home, too.

Law enforcement officers are interested in texts that could incriminate him and want to see if he texted someone after the fact and bragged about the egging. But Justine is more concerned more about drug discussions and references — not that it’s against the law, but what if it leaks out and tens of millions of underage girls find out he’s a real douche?

Just sayin’.

And to combine two Gossip Subjects into one item: let’s talk Kylie Jenner, Kim Kash Kow Kardastrophe’s half-sister, and what she thinks of Justin Bieber.

“I feel strongly. Just because I know when we’re in positions like that. And I just feel like people feel like they have the opportunity to, like, kind of mess with you just because of your status. So, I don’t know, I feel strongly. What are you raiding his house for, to find eggs?”

First off, Kylie, stay in school and learn to use your words.

And secondly, Kylie, the police will “mess with you” if you break the law by damaging someone else’s property, even with eggs.

Thirdly, shut up.

So, Dennis Rodman went back to North Korea to see his friend, murderer and despot Kim Jong Un. And while there he defending Little Kim and called him a friend. He also claimed that an American who’s been detained in North Korea for over a year now should have thought harder about whatever it is he did and basically, he was shit outta luck.

Many people didn’t care for that, so naturally Rodman apologized and then he came back to America and checked into rehab.

For being a moron? Or maybe just a moron who likes to booze it up with tiny Asian men.

So, last week Kelly Rowland, formerly of Destiny’s Child, Instagrammed a photo of her and Beyoncé with Aaliyah, on what would have been Aaliyah’s 35th birthday; she was killed in a 2001 plane crash.

Then Beyoncé decided to honor Aaliyah the same way and used the same picture, too. Only, in her photo posted to Instagram she cropped Kelly Rowland out of the picture.

Oh, the Queen throws shade. And not subtle shade, you know.