The Better Late Than Never 'I See Stupid People' Edition of 'I Didn't Say it'

Harrison Butker, Kansas City Chiefs kicker, giving an anti-LGBTQ+, anti-women commencement address at Benedictine College, a conservative Catholic college:

“While COVID might’ve played a large role throughout your formative years, it is not unique. The bad policies and poor leadership have negatively impacted major life issues. Things like abortion, IVF, surrogacy, euthanasia, as well as a growing support for degenerate cultural values and media all stem from pervasiveness of disorder. I am certain the reporters at the [Associated Press] could not have imagined that their attempt to rebuke and embarrass places and people like those here at Benedictine, wouldn’t be met with anger but instead met with excitement and pride. Not the deadly sin sort of the pride that has an entire month dedicated to it, but the true God-centered pride that is cooperating with the holy ghost to glorify him. [But] I think it is you, the women, who have had the most diabolic lies told to you. Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world.”

Yes, he did.

The man who kicks a ball for a living wants to tell women how they should live their lives; and to denigrate anyone who isn’t white and Catholic and thick-headed and stupid.

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Mike Johnson, Republican, House Speaker, Christian Nationalist, traitor, going after Target because … gay:

“When Americans are silent, we are playing right along with the deception that is destroying the lives of many young people. What we have is not our own. God has entrusted you with the resources to buy food, clothing, the necessities of life. Do you think He would really want you sending that to an entity that uses the profits to attack the biblical truth that he expects us to live by? So it really comes down to a stewardship issue. It’s not about boycotting. It’s about using money in a way that would honor God. And I’ll have to be very, very clear. I do not think being caught in a Target store is honoring God.”

But being a lying traitorous fuckmonkey is just fine, eh Mike?

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Greg Murphy, North Carolina GOP Representative and surgeon, on Fox News about Biden and the SOTU speech:

“I’ll just be very plain and simple. I was at the State of the Union address and Joe Biden must have been jacked up on something that day. I absolutely believe that from a medical viewpoint and have a good bit of knowledge that happened. He can’t stand and he can’t stand under the lights for that long and I don’t think he can keep a concept in his brain that long. I believe they gave him something to sustain the lights and sustain the vigor that he had. That was not Joe Biden. I was in there. He screamed for two hours. I think I can have some evidence that shows that he was given something before.”

“I think I can have some evidence”? Really, asshat? You think?

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Mitt Romney, GOP Senator from Utah, doing the Mittsy flip-flop:

“I think it’s a little demeaning to show up in front of a courthouse particularly one where we’re talking about an allegation of paying a porn star. Really very difficult to watch. There is a level of dignity and decorum that you expect from people who are running for the highest station in the land and going out and prostrating themselves in front of the public to try and apparently curry favor with the person who’s our nominee, it’s a little embarrassing.”

Romney also said Biden should have pardoned Hair Furor from the hush money charges so isn’t that Mittsy prostrating himself for the grifter?

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Mark Levin, Fox News host AKA Liar, threatening Joe Biden with, well, nothing I guess:

“Joe Biden, you better damn well hope that you lose that Supreme Court decision. You better damn well hope that immunity for your so-called official acts after you leave office protects you when you leave office, because I’m making a long list of the crimes that you’ve committed and the constitutional violations. Whether it’s the border and the deaths and the damage and the slavery that’s taking place there as a result of you. Whether it’s your violation of federal law, the Empowerment Act, withholding munitions that were passed by Congress, a clear violation of federal law. Let the dust off the Espionage Act. Oh, yeah. Because we have a report that says that you violated and on multiple grounds, a matter of fact, you sold out your country to a publisher for $8 million, spewing classified information from the government. It’s a long list, Joe. You better damn well hope you lose that immunity case in the Supreme Court.”

Hey Mark Levin, you’re treading dangerously close to #DrunkleRudy territory, or even better, the My Pillow Guy brand of crazy.

Just cuz you’re on TV, on the network that paid nearly a billion dollars after losing a court battle over lying, you might wanna watch what you say.

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Johnny McEntee, former Hair Furor aide and Project 2025 leader in a TikTok video showing what a vile piece of excrement he is:

“So I always keep this fake Hollywood money in my car so when a homeless person asks for money, then I give him like a fake $5 bill, so I feel good about myself, they feel good. And then, when they go to use it, they get arrested so I’m actually like helping clean up the community. You know, getting them off the street.”

Um, dumbass, you’re passing counterfeit money and I’d feel great if they got your hate-filled ass off the street.

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Kari Lake, when asked by Fox host Maria Bartiromo if she believes Democrats are “bringing in illegals” to vote for them:

“Oh, absolutely, 1,000%. What they want is to have a line in the voter rolls so that somebody can vote for that person. And that’s why they’re asking them to register to vote when they get set up for Medicare and Medicaid, because they’re giving them all of these services. They’re asking them to sign up to vote. Then they have a line in the voter roll and somebody will vote under that name.”

Oh, the Vaseline Lady is lying because she’s down in the polls and trying to shore up a fake story about illegals voting and that’s why she lost. She’s gonna lose because she’s crazy, inept, and basically Hair Furor in a dress.

PS There's no such thing as 1,000%, dumbass.

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Hair Furor, in a bizarre rally rant apparently meant to compare migrants to cannibals:

“Silence of the Lambs. Has anyone ever seen The Silence of the Lambs? The late, great Hannibal Lecter is a wonderful man. He often times would have a friend for dinner. Remember the last scene? ‘Excuse me. I’m about to have a friend for dinner,’ as this poor doctor walked by. ‘I’m about to have a friend for dinner.’ But Hannibal Lecter. Congratulations. The late, great Hannibal Lecter.”

And he says Joe is losing it? The man is praising a murderer … and a fictional one at that.

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Matt Gaetz, Florida GOP Congressman, who is currently under a House Ethics Committee investigation over allegations regarding sex and drugs with an underage female:

“There’s not a single human being who has publicly accused me of any wrongdoing of any kind. At what point after these things have been said about me, for years and years, and not a single person has even accused me of wrongdoing, does this sort of become a strange urban legend?” 

He admits people have been talking for years and years about his sexual predator ways. And he says that he did nothing wrong and has characterized the Ethics Committee probe as payback for leading the effort to oust former Speaker Kevin McCarthy.

Funny then that these claims have been around ever since Matty showed his pervy face in Congress.

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Chip Roy, Texas GOP Congressman, giving an anti-Muslim rant on the House floor:

“You’ve got a massive Muslim takeover of the United Kingdom going on right before our eyes. People say, ‘Chip, well what is wrong with that?’ Well, I’ve got some pretty strong concerns about Sharia law and whether that will be forced upon the American people … What are we gonna do about that? Are we teaching people about Western civilization? Are we teaching people about the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, the rule of law? Are we teaching them Western values? Are we teaching them God exists? Are we teaching them the importance of freedom? Or are we teaching an entire generation, or two, or three to run around complaining about what’s wrong and why the entire world is against them because of their skin color, their sex, their supposed gender identity?”

Why does everyone have to conform to Chip’s narrow world view? Does everyone want to be a Muslim-hating bald-assed moron, or do people want to learn to understand that, while we are all created equal … ALLEGEDLY … we are not all supposed to be the same.

I’ll take a gender-fluid, dark-skinned practicing undocumented immigrant Muslim as a neighbor any day over bigoted, faux-Christian Chip Roy.

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I Didn't Say It ...

Kristi Noem, continuing to try and spin the killing of a dog into anything that represents a good, kind thing to do:

“I can understand why some people are upset about a 20-year-old story of Cricket, one of the working dogs at our ranch, in my upcoming book—No Going Back. The book is filled with many honest stories of my life, good and bad days, challenges, painful decisions, and lessons learned. What I learned from my years of public service, especially leading South Dakota through COVID, is people are looking for leaders who are authentic, willing to learn from the past, and don’t shy away from tough challenges. My hope is anyone reading this book will have an understanding that I always work to make the best decisions I can for the people in my life. The fact is, South Dakota law states that dogs who attack and kill livestock can be put down. Given that Cricket had shown aggressive behavior toward people by biting them, I decided what I did. Whether running the ranch or in politics, I have never passed on my responsibilities to anyone else to handle. Even if it’s hard and painful. I followed the law and was being a responsible parent, dog owner, and neighbor. As I explained in the book, it wasn’t easy. But often the easy way isn’t the right way.”

She will talk and talk and talk and try to justify killing a young dog rather than give it to someone who could care for it, but she will never, ever talk about her MAGAt make-over.

And perhaps those new blown-up lips make her stories shift?

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Mitt Romney, distancing himself and his own dog story from that of Kristi “Dog Killer” Noem:

“I didn’t eat my dog. I didn’t shoot my dog. I loved my dog, and my dog loved me.”

Mittsy, if you recall, says Noem’s “tale of slaughter” in her upcoming book is nothing like him being criticized for tying his dog Seamus to the roof of the family car during a cross-country trip.

True; he didn’t kill a dog, her just terrorized it. Noem, on the other hand murdered her dog because she “hated” it, and because it wasn’t a good hunter.

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Jeanine Pirro, Fox New’s resident boxed wine sommelier, on Kristi “Dog Killer” Noem:

“I have four rescues, and I have a puppy. I gotta tell you, you know what she’s done is, she’s sabotaged herself, whether or not it was to, you know, buttress what was coming down the road. She also managed to unite the right and the left. Because America—if nothing else, we are dog lovers. And don’t tell me you shot a puppy because it wasn’t used to hunting. You know, maybe you’re not a good teacher.”

I don’t think Noem united the two sides but she did show that Noem is woefully out of touch with the GOP if she thinks they approve of her murdering a fourteen-month-old dog because she didn’t like it.

Even Cruella was that much of a DeVil.

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Chris Plante, Newsmax host, showing his true racist colors:

“Illegals from Venezuela, Cuba, Nicaragua, and Haiti—where cannibalism is popular these days. Flying them mostly to swing states across the country. No electoral politics going on here. This is pretty obviously Joe Biden and the Democrats sticking it to Ron DeSantis, right? And sticking it to Florida and trying to move the demographic needle in Florida. And of course, you know, you put all the people in there, it’s like the Democrats during slavery times like the three-fifths of a person a slave because it gave them more seats in the House of Representatives, and they’re doing the same thing. The illegal aliens are effectively three-fifths of a person and they’re flooding them by 160,000 into the state of Florida. Much more than any other state, and it’s because they’ve got a problem with Ron DeSantis.”

No evidence of this, but Newsmax and Plante, like Fox News and Tucker, don’t worry about facts.

Plante recently accused President Biden of inciting civil war, when he declared that AI is racist against white people; he claimed Dr. Jill Biden dressed as Hitler for Halloween, and stated that late Capitol Police officer Brian Sicknick was actually killed by the COVID vaccine.

Truth doesn’t matter to these people because they have no souls.

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Mike Johnson, speaking to CNN’s Jake Tapper, on the alleged—or not so alleged—GOP plan to pass a national abortion ban:

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about—national abortion ban. No. Listen, [Hair Furor] has said this very well. Look, I’m pro-life personally, but I have 434 colleagues. You have to build a political consensus. After cultural consensus, Breitbart famously observed that politics is downstream from culture, and there is no consensus at the moment on what to do at the federal level so that’s not on the legislative agenda.”

Mike Johnson and the majority of House Republicans all support the “Life Begins At Conception Act” that would ban all abortions nationwide and rip away access to IVF.

That’s a fact. And God is watching faux-Christian Mike Johnson and She is not happy.

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Chris Sununu, New Hampshire GOP Governor, throwing his support for Hair Furor to win in 2024:

“I’m going to support the ticket. I’m going to support [Thing 45]. It won’t be his party forever. Right? It just won’t. At some point, [Thing 45] won’t be here forever. Let me put it a different way: Assholes come and go. But America is here to stay.”

Sununu has referred to Thing 45 as an “asshole” and once joked that he belongs in a mental institution, and who campaigned like hell for Nikki Haley, You’re an asshole, throwing your support behind a man you think should be locked up.

That’s the Kool Aid drinking, goose-stepping GOP.

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Sonia Sotomayor, Supreme Court Justice, droning arguments on Hair Furor’s immunity case:

“I am having a hard time thinking that creating false documents, that ordering the assassination of a rival, that accepting a bribe and countless other lies could be broken for personal gain, that anyone would say that it would be reasonable for a president or any public official to do that.”

Sotomayor spells it out plain and simply, though the rightwing justices are too simple, and too much in debt to Hair Furor, to understand.

You do this for Hair Furor, then you do it for every president.

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I Didn't Say It ...

Bernie Sanders, on the GOP fondness for bailing out the wealthy while utterly ignoring their base:

“I find it interesting that for my Republican colleagues, when it comes to tax breaks for the rich and [for] corporations—that’s okay. But when you demand that we invest in the working families of this country, well, suddenly the sky is falling. I’m tired of that hypocrisy.”

If only there was some way to get MAGAts to listen to reason … Oh, who am I kidding? MAGAts are buying bibles from a rapist racist and shoes from China because a con artist told them to do it.

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Mitt Romney, GOP Senator from Utah, on Hair Furor’s criminal trial and the jury:

“I think everybody has made their own assessment of [Hair Furor]’s character and so far as I know, you don’t pay someone $130,000 not to have sex with you.”

Snap, Mittsy!

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Jon Ossoff, Georgia Democrat Senator, on the GOP bending over for Hair Furor to kill a bipartisan border bill:

“No one, and I mean no one, is interested in lectures on border security from Republicans. In one of the most stunning acts of political cowardice, a bipartisan border security bill was denied even a debate on the floor, because [Hair Furor] told Republicans to kill it.”

The GOP never even mentions the border until an election cycle and then it becomes the greatest threat to America … Remember the caravans?

They won’t ever fix the border because their base is so ignorant they don’t see that the GOP is the Do-Nothing Party.

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Jared Moskowitz, Democrat Representative from Florida, speaking on Fox News Sunday about Moscow Marge:

“What Marjorie Taylor Greene and what Thomas Massie and what Paul Gosar are trying to accomplish by removing the Speaker of the House in this very moment, after October 7, would only embolden China, it would only embolden Russia, it would only embolden Iran. She’s not a serious legislator, quite frankly. That’s why I think the way we’ve been treating her now is she is Putin’s special envoy to Congress. The idea that she would criticize anybody else that somehow we’re not respecting America. The way you disrespect America, is not by standing by our allies, not by strengthening us.”

Marge is a Putin puppet; I imagine she is already trying to build a gym in Russia and trying to get him to join, so she can fuck him, too, since that’s her MO.

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William Barr, attempting to justify this week’s announcement that he’ll be voting for the man who recently attacked him:

“I think this is a terrible choice for the country, but it is a choice. At the end of the day, we have to select between two different individuals. And I’ve said all along that I think it’s my duty to pick the person I think will do the least harm to the country. And I and I think that that to me, that’s clearly [Hair Furor] and the Republican administration, which I think is important. I think, you know, getting control over the border, stopping the lawlessness in our cities, building up the strength of the United States and an ever, more dangerous world, stop the avalanche of regulation that is strangling, business and our and our technological superiority. These are critical things that have to be done. And I think that we’ll get them done under a [Hair Furor] administration. At the same time, I think the Biden administration, it is, in fact, the greater threat to democracy. I think they have a totalitarian temper. They have bought into the progressive movement, and they’re trying to squelch opposition and freedom of speech.”

Barr has said that the man who called him “dumb, weak, slow moving, lethargic, gutless and a lazy, a RINO who couldn’t do the job” is the man he supports to run the country.

Oh, and right after Barr endorsed him, Hair Furor once again called him lazy and fat and stupid.

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Reverend Benjamin Cremer, a Man of God, on Christianity in America today:

“Christianity in the United States doesn’t need more political power. It needs less arrogance. It needs less entitlement. It needs less animosity towards those who are different. It needs more humility. It needs more generosity. It needs more compassion and understanding.”

This is how you Christian, not with Hate and Judgement and Political Power.

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I Didn't Say It ...

Adam Kinzinger, former GOP Congressman, on Jim Gym Jordan’s antics:

“Jim Jordan is an absolute hypocrite. Jim Jordan was in front of the Rules Committee when we were talking about holding Steve Bannon … in contempt. He said in front of the Rules Committee that the Department of Justice and the FBI should be the ones investigating [Thing 45]. And that would be their role. Now, of course, he’s against the Department of Justice and the FBI investigating [Thing 45]. He’s for the sanctity of the subpoena by the US Congress until he’s the one that gets subpoenaed by the US Congress. And he also voted against enforcing subpoenas against people like Steve Bannon and against people like Mark Meadows. I mean, this is—the hypocrisy is mind numbing. I am less concerned with what people’s view is on positions and what their idea is on policy, as much as I am when there is just open and blatant and unashamed hypocrisy where it’s all about winning. It’s all about power and truth, and justice really has no role in what they’re doing. If you have evidence that Joe Biden, not Hunter Biden, but that Joe Biden broke the law, bring it forward. And if it’s impeachable, impeach him. But you don’t have that evidence. So you go on a fishing expedition and all of a sudden you raise the flame of justice in Congress like you’re so concerned with the congressional subpoena when you were the one that ignored it the whole time.”

It’s a Clown Car that has no morals, no backbone, no spine, just feeding into Thing 45’s ego so he doesn’t come after them.

It’s fear and hypocrisy and ego and party over country for the Gop which is why they need to go.

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George Santos, speaking to  NYC-based far-right talk radio station WABC:

“I’m not done with public service. I want to go back to Congress. I’m not saying today. I’m not saying tomorrow. I have a lot of things I need to take care of first. I think we all know, but I do have hopes of trying to regain the trust of the American people and going there, because I will continue to expose and root out the rot in our federal government.”

Oh, Kitara, Congress and the people of your district are done with you.

Santos, you will recall, screamed “to hell with this place” as he fled the final minutes of his House expulsion vote.

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Mitt Romney, retiring GOP senator from Utah, saying that nearly any candidate in the 2024 field, of either party, would be an “upgrade” over another term for Thing 45:

“I’d be happy to support virtually any one of the Republicans—maybe not Vivek [Ramaswamy]—but the others that are running would be acceptable to me, and I’d be happy to vote for them. I’d be happy to vote for a number of the Democrats too. It would be an upgrade, in my opinion, from [Thing 45] and perhaps also from Joe Biden.”

Mittsy has it right, except that it’s anyone but the GOP candidates because none are fit to be president and only one person running knows the job, has done  the job, accomplished a lot, and still vows to fight and finish the job.

Vote Blue.

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Liz Cheney, on a second Thing 45 term:

“He’s told us what he will do. It’s very easy to see the steps that he will take. People who say, ‘Well, if he’s elected, it’s not that dangerous because we have all of these checks and balances,’ don’t fully understand the extent to which the Republicans in Congress today have been co-opted. One of the things that we see happening today is a sort of a sleepwalking into dictatorship in the United States. If you look at what Donald Trump is trying to do, he can’t do it by himself. He has to have collaborators. And the story of Mike Johnson is a story of, of a collaborator and of someone who knew then – and knows now – that what he’s doing and saying is wrong, but he’s willing to do it in an effort to please [Inmate # P01135809]. And that’s what makes it dangerous.”

Take the lunatic at his word: he’ll be a dictator and every freedom we’ve all enjoyed will be gone if he doesn’t like it.

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Chuck Grassley, GOP Senator from Iowa, on the House moving forward with an impeachment inquiry against Biden:

“I’m going to take the same position I’ve taken since I came. That all I can say is there’s some indication of maybe some compromise with China particularly, but I have no evidence of it. I’m going to just follow the facts where they are. And the facts haven’t taken me to that point where I can say that the president is guilty of anything.”

'No evidence.'

And yet the Gop keeps going on and on as if there is something.

Dear God, a doddering old fool like Grassley sees this for what it is, a whole lotta Who Shot John.

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Jonathan Bailey, actor and current Husband-In-My-Head, on struggling with his sexual orientation when he was younger:

"I realized [LGBT+] was not in the curriculum [when I was at school] so I felt very alone. It’s a very common experience to not even have people in the classroom... if there's nothing in the books that you're reading, you're twice as likely to be bullied if you are a gay person. There's two things we don't want to know: if you're an alcoholic or if you're gay [so] of course, I thought that in order to be happy I needed to be straight. But if there is positive LGBT+ messaging 100% of everyone's mental health and happiness increases. It's a no brainer and Just Like Us is the charity that is doing it and they're bring ambassadors into schools, so I'm really excited.”

Bailey is involved with a charity called Just Like Us, which aims to raise awareness in schools on LGBTQ+. After coming out as gay to his friends and family in his twenties he still felt pressured to hide his sexuality in order to land roles but now hopes to help change the stigma for those who come after.

Plus he’s utterly hot.

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The Funny Papers

The Daily Don, Adam Zyglis, Drew Sheneman, Mike Luckovich, Rob Rogers, Dennis Goris, Bill Bramhall, Tim Campbell, Jack Ohman, Ed Hall, Michael de Adder, Nick Anderson, Clay Bennett,