I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Why do celebrities think they need to share everything with us? Seriously, do we need to know Gwynnie steams her cooch? Do we need to know Soleil Moon Frye’s first “consensual” sexual experience was when she was eighteen and she was boned by … wait for it … get a HazMat suit ready … it’s the height of ick … Charlie Sheen.

Soleil shared a journal entry dated December 18, 1994:

“It’s been the most strange and incredible day ever. He’s somebody I’ve had a crush on for years. He’s a person that intrigues me and excites me.”

And then she calls Sheen her “Mr. Big.” Like I said, Ick.

Soleil is aware of Corey Feldman’s sexual assault allegations against Charlie, but says she doesn’t know anything about that, and can only speak to her own experience. She also talks about experiencing her own sexual assault by an unnamed man when she was 17—hence the clarification that Sheen was her first consensual sexual encounter.

Look, everyone’s experience is different, but I don’t know that I’d air out the idea that I let Charlie Sheen’s dick anywhere near me.

That’s all.

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Kim Kardastrophe and Kanye West are now doing to each other what I have been begging them to do to all of us for years.

They have stopped speaking to each other.

Lucky them. If we could only get them to divorce America we might never hear from them again.

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And then we have Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez who have ALLEGEDLY broken up in the wake of his scandal with Southern Charm “star” Madison LeCroy. You see, last January, Twitter was set ablaze with rumors after the Southern Charm reunion special exposed ALLEGATIONS of infidelity involving an “ex-MLB star” and Southern Charm cast-member, and manhunter, Madison LeCroy, who admitted to FaceTiming A-Rod, but maintained the two had never Facetimed in person. LeCroy demurred:

“He’s never physically cheated on his fiancée with me.”

Physically? And so, JLo was embarrassed by that rumor—and yet, oddly, she’s never been embarrassed by her singing or her acting—and split from A-Rod. Or did she?

Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez are now saying reports of their demise as a couple have been greatly exaggerated—well, maybe not so greatly—because while there might be trouble in their made-for-social-media relationship, they are still fighting to stay together.

A source claims they haven’t been together because:

“She’s working in the Dominican Republic and he’s in Miami so it’s tough seeing each other especially with quarantining and COVID, but they want to try to stay together.”

Yeah, I buy that except for the fact that they have each posted lovey-dovey Instagram stories from various vacation spots, and daily pap strolls to the gym and out to dinner and such, all during the pandemic.

Look, they’re over. He has a wandering peen and she can’t seem to keep a man… possibly because she picks men with wandering peens.

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Drew Barrymore has a talk show so we are learning all sorts of things about her in a thirsty attempt to score more viewers.

She’s done with marriage! Until she does it again.

She’s done with drugs! She’s been saying that for years.

And she’s done with acting! Or, more likely, acting is done with her.

All of these things, however, are subject to change, but you aren’t allowed to remember that Drew said them.

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To prove my point about JLo, rumor has it that she has already scrubbed A-Rod from her life, and most importantly her social media, and set her sights on one Lenny Kravitz.

See, Kravitz has joined the cast of JLo’s upcoming film Shotgun Wedding and has ALLEGEDLY made quite an impression on his co-star. And we know this is true because JLo asked Kravitz to give her daughter guitar lessons and then posted a seductive video of herself dancing on the balcony of her hotel suite to the tune of Kravitz’s chart-topping hit “Fly Away.”

A not-so-subtle message to A-Rod and the world.

Still, I had higher expectations of Lenny Kravitz.

UPDATE: After telling us that she’s in the DR and he’s in Miami and with COVID they aren’t traveling, A-Rod flew to the DR to see JLo and perhaps put the kibosh on the rumors, or beg her forgiveness for being a cheating punk while she begs his forgiveness for moving on so quickly.

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It's Snarkurday!

It’s like an itch you can’t stop scratching ... Usher’s herpes lawsuits, that is.

The first ... first ... accuser, suing for $20 million, has now revealed herself: Laura Helm. And, Lisa Bloom, who is representing several ... several ... of Usher’s accusers, has filed more documents including one that details how one young man ended being infected by the singer when, he ALLEGES, that Usher exposed him to herpes when they f**ked at a Koreatown spa in L.A.

That ain’t no Happy Ending, y’all.

Now, Usher has called all of his accusers liars, but he will not say if he has the herpes and is refusing to take an STD test.

Take that for what it is, but until we know better, Just Say No, to Usher.

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There are some "celebrities" who should never speak, Tweet, Instagram or Facebook because their view of the world needs to be kept silent.

Melissa Joan Hart. She recently whined all over Instagram about her family vacation being ruined because of Hurricane Maria.

Yup, the semi-rich, scarcely talented TV star, and her family were headed to the Nickelodeon Resort Punta Cana, but couldn’t go because a hurricane came along and washed away the homes and businesses and livelihoods of all kinds of people; so Melissa whined about missing her vacation on social media. She later removed her post once she realized the storm killed people, but this kind of delusion is nothing new for Hart ...

Back in 2015, she promoted her clothing line on the 14th anniversary of the September 11th terrorist attacks with the tagline:

“Free Shipping in honor of the victims, families & first responders of 9/11. Use the promo code ‘911’ during your online checkout at KingofHarts.com.”

Yup, you may have lost your spouse, lover, son, daughter in the worst terror attack ever on American soil, but, hey, you get Free Shipping!

Seriously, bitch, take a seat.

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This may be true, and it may not be, but ... twenty-year-old Kylie Jenner is ALLEGEDLY pregnant by her boyfriend of five months, twenty-five-year-old rapper Travis Scott.

That Woman has yet to confirm the pregnancy because they’re still trying to iron out the details of how Kylie will pee on a stick on TV ... break up with the Baby Daddy on TV ... get her first ultrasound on TV ... get back together with the Baby Daddy on TV ... give birth on TV ... break up with the Baby Daddy on TV ... get back together with the Baby Daddy on TV ... have DCF remove the child from her home on TV ... and then launch a new lipstick line.

No, seriously, that’s how it’ll play out. They’re Kardastrophes after all.

Oops. It got twice as skeevey because now Khloe is pregnant, too. That Woman will be working overtime whoring out two babies!

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It’s almost a year later and folks are still talking about Mariah’s Carey’s Epic New Years Eve Fail, aka The Clusterf**k Heard Round The World.

To recap, Mimi tottered around a stage on impossibly high heels singing, ahem, live to a track that she didn’t to remember or even know. Mimi and her team later blamed Dick Clark Productions, and DCP placed the blame at the high heels of the diva who didn’t show up to rehearse.

Now, finally, Miss Ryan Seacrest is ready to dish; during an appearance on Watch What Happens Live! Seacrest insinuated that the fault was all Mimi because she refused to do a soundcheck:

“That crew, that team, that staff is the best in the business. They put on the biggest live music events and they know what they’re doing. I know how good they are at their jobs. My reaction was, ‘She was working with the best.’ I find it hard to believe they made big mistakes that bad.”

Seacrest, of course, knowing Mimi missed the soundcheck ... I think ... scurried several blocks away after introducing Carey and says he had no idea what was going on:

“When it was happening, it was hard for me to see and hear because we’re in Times Square and there was a lot going on. I had to be told that something was going on and then try to find a monitor to react to. So I wasn’t quite sure what was happening, actually.”

Really, Ryan? You’re working with the best team ever and you’re a nitpicky diva yourself, and someone had to tell you to watch?

I think you were sipping tea and watching it all with a wry smile on your face.

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When you’re born wealthy and spoiled you never really learn to share ... even within your own family; and that’s exactly the case with spoiled brats Ivanka and Junior _____.

It seems Newsweek got hold of some ancient interview Big Daddy Little Hands _____ did with Howard Stern and, if you didn’t already feel sorry for Tiffany _____, this might ... might ... make you change your mind.

The interview ALLEGEDLY took place in late 2005, and in it, Stern asks _____ about a rumor Ivanka and Junior tried to erase Tiffany from Daddy’s will; _____answers:

“I have a friend who is also like a very rich guy. And he said how his children hate the new children coming along and everything else; I said, ‘Yeah, because every time you have a child, it’s 20 percent less to the people [Inaudible].'”

So then Stern asks if Junior and Ivanka were trying to “bump off a child.” Trump instantly says:

“Tiffany?”

Stern asks if that rumor is true and _____ tries to evade the question but Stern keeps asking it, and finally _____ says:

“Yes.”

Then _____ points out that when he dies, all his kids will be inherit ... wait for it, he actually said it ... _____ University and _____ Ice bottle water. _____ U is gone and _____ Ice is now only available at _____’s tacky hotels and resorts.

Big coins, eh? Now, to be fair, ______ may have been lying about Ivanka and Junior wanting to nix Tiffany from the bankroll, but then that means he’d paint his own children as greedy monsters for a story; or, he’s telling the truth and his two oldest kids are evil greedy spoiled self-entitled loons who will never amount to anything.

Either way ... I think on the day Daddy kicks it and the will is read, Tiffany will be the proud owner of a warehouse filled with MAGA hats.

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Back before Leah Remini left the Cult of Scientology, she co-starred with Kevin James on The King of Queens, a minor hit for CBS. The show ended and Leah and Kevin went about their business; he made a couple of films and she began taking down a cult.

James returned to TV, with a new TV wife, last year in Kevin Can Wait and toward the end of the season Leah Remini guest-starred on the show, ands the ratings went way up. The producers loved the higher numbers and sop they asked Leah Remini to join the cast only there was one hitch: Kevin James’ character had a wife and how would it look if he and Leah, who plays an old flame, were all flirty and stuff. What to do, what to do ...

Kill off the wife. Yes, they killed the wife character, played by Erinn Hayes and brought Remini back full-time and will slowly—so as not to alienate fans—have Leah and Kevin become a TV couple. Wow. But, when asked how they planned to reveal the death of the “wife,” producers said they would keep it thoughtful and simple except ... not so much ... this is how they did it:

The new season began with Kevin’s character, aptly named Kevin, looking at the mail and finding a letter addressed to his wife from her gym that read:

“We haven’t seen you, we miss you.”

Kevin replies:

“You know what, so do I.” 

His TV daughter Kendra—actress Taylor Spreitler—grabs the letter and says:

“It’s been over a year since she died, they shouldn’t still be sending this.”

Then Kevin makes a joke about not throwing it out, because he wants to save the coupon attached for a kung fu lesson.

Wow. That was sweet and simple: the junk mail reveal. And Kevin made need to Kung Fu lessons to protect him if he ever comes across Erin n Hayes—the now-dead TV wife—in an LA alley.

Just sayin’.

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I used to like Wendy Williams until she went the Trans humor route and I stopped watching. As a Snarker, however, I loved her daily dose of gossip, though now she might not be as thrilled with the rumor mill ...

The Daily Mail reports that Wendy’s husband, Kevin Hunter, has ... ALLEGEDLY ... been carrying on a ten-year affair with 32-year-old massage therapist Sharina Hudson; the Daily Mail knows this because they’ve been watching the adulterers for over a year! They claim Kevin has been living a double life, moving between his home with Wendy and the condo he bought for Sharina. And the Daily Mail has pictures of Kevin and Sharina—he calls her “Shawty”—at the apartment, the gym, and even at the grocery store ... pictures showing Sharina wearing a big ass diamond engagement ring. And they also have photos of the inside of the mailbox at the new, private $765,000 house Kevin ALLEGEDLY upgraded them to, showing both Kevin and Sharina’s names. Sources claim they live a pretty normal life other than the fact that Kevin has a wife, another house and a son just a couple of towns over.

And this really is nothing new for Kevin Hunter; he’s not really what you might call a gentleman. Back in 2008 he was sued for sexual harassment by a talent broker who worked on Wendy’s radio show; that was settled out of court. And Kevin had an affair back in 2001, which Wendy now admits to having known about, and decided to stay with him because the cheating made them stronger ... or made him hide the next time even better?

And so she’s doing the same now; when the story broke and Wendy appeared on her show, she flashed her wedding ring and called the rumors fake:

“I stand by my guy. All is well in Hunterville. Don’t believe the hype. And if there was hype, believe me, I would let you know. And by the way, I’ll be following this story. So I guess I’ll have to watch to find out what happens.”

It’s not true he has two homes ... not true he gets mail at a house with another woman, with whom he shops and dines and works out and lives; and, also not true, is the quote from Sharina’s parents saying they want Kevin to dump Wendy and marry Sharina because they want grandbabies.

Keep following it Wendy ... we’ll follow it to divorce court.

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Lenny Kravitz is steamy hot. But this isn’t about that; it’s about Lenny and chocolates.

Lenny is living in Paris while working on a new album, but he took a night off for the opening performance of the Paris Opera Ballet. While most men wore tuxedos, Lenny wore black leather ... like I said, hot ... and in one of the pockets was some chocolate he brought along for a snack. And that hidden chocolate caused some issues when, minutes after the lights went down, Lenny pulled that piece of chocolate out to nibble on, and as he unwrapped it, a man in front of him went off:

“Shhhh! Stop eating! Stop eating!”

And so Lenny got out of his seat and confronted the man:

“Don’t tell me what to do. This is France!”

And we’ll stop ... This is France? That’s an excuse? I’m’a use that if I ever get stopped by a cop and see what happens, though it clearly didn’t help Lenny because ... back to our story ...

Lenny was then grabbed by a woman nearby, who exclaimed:

“You don’t know who that is!”

She was speaking about the ALLEGED VIP at whom Lenny was shrieking; and so he replied:

“I don’t care—don’t tell me what to do.”

And just when it looked like Lenny and the VIP might schedule a duel with pistols at dawn, it was over ...  Lenny took his seat, then stormed out—perhaps to eat his chocolates in the lobby—only to return 15 minutes later to watch the show. And then, after the show, Lenny was seen with the French VIP hugging it out in the lobby and laughing.

Maybe Lenny’s blood sugar was low ... let him eat chocolate and, as Lenny taught us, Let Love Rule.

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It's Snarkurday!

Lisa Marie Presley has been married ... a lot; I mean, we all know about the Michael Jackson sham and the Nicholas Cage crazy, but there are others; and that means she’s been divorced ... a lot, too. But normally her divorces are quiet and quick, until this current one—I won’t say ‘last one’ because ... it’s Lisa Marie—from Michael Lockwood, her husband of ten years, is getting ugly.

Lisa Marie and Michael have twin 8-year-old girls who are now in the custody of the LA County Department of Children and Family Services after Lisa Marie told the authorities that she found disturbing things on Michael’s computer ... something along the lines of child porn, though no one is really saying.

Lisa Marie says the images and videos made her “sick to her stomach” and so she called the Beverly Hills Police Department; using a search warrant, they found the questionable images and videos, and also confiscated 80 ... eighty??? ... of Michael’s devices.

Now the divorce is not just irreconcilable differences, but about the ALLEGATIONS of “sexual abuse and neglect” against Michael Lockwood and, while he wants spousal support, she is claiming to be broke.

Yup, Lisa Marie is broker than broke. She’s already gone through her $300 million inheritance from Daddy Elvis, owes $7.3 million to the IRS, is $655,000 in debt, and is living with her daughter Riley Keough and her husband.  

And, she says, her brokeness is ALLEGEDLY Lockwood’s fault because, again, she says, he stole from her and failed to make the payments on her English manor house and so she owes another $5.4 million there.

But, to be fair, this is what constitutes broke in Lisa Marie’s life: she receives $100,000 a month from her father’s estate and another $4,361 monthly for being the creative director at Graceland. Over 100K a month is broke? That’s almost $3,500 a day. I should be so broke.

Now, I don’t know if Lisa Marie is broke—okay, I know she’s not Bob Broke, she’s Presley broke—and I don’t know if her husband is some kind of Subway Jared perv, but I do know that this is one fugly split.

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Speaking of celebrity divorces, it now appears that after splitting up—perhaps because of Ben’s dalliance with the nanny—Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are finally, truly, really done being husband-and-wife.

Ben has moved out of the guest house and Jennifer is filing papers. I’m kinda glad because this marriage-is-over-but-he’s-living-in-the-guest-house-and-we-take-vacations-together mess has gone on too long.

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Poor Little Justin Bieber ... back in May 2016, an indie artist named Casey Dienel accused Justin and Skrillex of stealing a sample from her song Ring The Bell and using it without permission. So now she’s suing, but getting Justin to talk may be hard.

Bieber was scheduled to give a deposition last week, but didn’t even show up. He called in sick ... well, the nanny called in sick ... he couldn’t talk with the rectal thermometer in his mouth.

But Casey Dienel’s lawyers think he’s #FakeNews and say they have proof via several YouTube videos showing him partying with his friends in the early morning hours before his scheduled deposition... damn you, YouTube ... and then hours after calling in sick, Bieber, posted more pictures to Instagram of him drinking with his friends.

To be fair, no one ever said he was smart.

Casey’s lawyers are pissed, because they flew from Nashville to LA for the deposition, so now they want Bieber to give his make-up deposition in March in Nashville.

I imagine his excuse for missing that deposition is that he got locked inside the overhead compartment on the plane.

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Katherine Heigl had it made; she was the It Girl on Grey’s Anatomy back in the day, but then her head got too big and she ran from that show to make movies. A few were successful, but then even her films were bust so she went trotting back to TV. Her first foray of shame was in something called State of Affairs, which was cancelled about halfway through the first hour it was on.

So, don’t blink, because Heigl is back in a new show called Doubt and there is no doubt that it will die a quick death.

But this story is about her promoting Doubt on The Late Late Show with James Corden, and Corden saying he’d heard—or had been told, by Heigl—that John Mayer had something to do with her finding her husband and falling in love and blahblahblah.

See, about a month after Heigl and Josh Kelley started dating, she says that she didn’t know if he was serious, and so she started “hanging out”—banging—John Mayer; she swears they never “did it” but says she just used John  to make Josh jealous:

“[John] wasn’t interested in me in that way, but he would talk to me about like other hot girls and stuff. It was friends! But Josh didn’t know that. But Josh, to this day, doesn’t quite believe me ... But I did use it a little bit to put a fire under him. It was like, ‘Hey, if this isn’t exclusive and you’re dating other people, that’s fine, but I’m going to continuing seeing John.'”

Seriously, Josh was jealous of John Mayer? I mean, Mayer has banged garbage cans in LA and if Heigl thinks that’s an endearing quality to make Josh jealous then the two of them, the three of them, are crazy.

Or maybe Josh Kelley knew they were banging and sacrificed himself to save the world from a Heigl-Mayer spawn.

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Two years after Nicole Kidman escaped the cult of Scientology Tom Cruise, there were rumors she was dating Lenny Kravitz.  I remember hearing that and thinking, “Lucky bitch,” but neither Nicole nor Lenny ever confirmed it ... until now.

Nicole is starring in a new HBO series Big Little Lies and one of her co-stars is, small world, Lenny’s daughter Zoë Kravitz, and when Nicole was interviewed about the show and the other actresses and how they all knew each other, she said this:

“Well, I knew Zoë because I was engaged to her father. It’s all in the family! I love Lenny; he’s a great guy.”

Back in 2007, Nicole admitted she had been engaged to someone before marrying Keith Urban in 2006, but she wouldn’t say to whom ... and now we know.

Seriously, it looks like some celebrities don’t have to share their every moment with the media ... though this romance was back in the days before everyone had a smart phone and an Instagram account.

And again, I’ve seen the video of Lenny onstage and he splits his pants down the middle and so, again, “Lucky bitch.”

Even if it was a short engagement.

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Sometimes it’s best when athletes don’t speak; I mean, make your coins from your athletic prowess, but don’t talk, at all.

Case in point, Cleveland Cavalier Kyrie Irving who has just come out ... no, not that way ... to say that the earth is flat.  Oh, but he did; he said it on the Road Trippin’ with RJ & Channing podcast:

“This is not even a conspiracy theory. The Earth is flat. The Earth is flat. … It’s right in front of our faces. I’m telling you, it’s right in front of our faces. They lie to us.”

He says science is just opinion and that sometimes—shades of Hair Furor—they lie, because he did learn that the earth was round but found that to be a lie?

What the what? It got to be such a story in the NBA that even LeBron James weighed in, saying “if he decides he wants to say the Earth is flat, so be it. He’s an interesting guy, and he believes it.” 

What the ... ? LeBron? You need to sit down and rethink that statement because what you should have said was something along the lines of, “How cute, but the earth isn’t flat and science isn’t just some guy’s opinion.

And Irving? Child, you need to stop talking and get back to class.

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Harrison Ford is one of those movie stars who like to fly planes and for a while he was good at it. Then he flew one into the ground and seriously injured himself, and last week he ALLEGEDLY landed his plane on a taxiway instead of a runway at the John Wayne Airport in Santa Ana, California and nearly missed hitting another plane carrying 110 passengers.

And now his newest role is playing the subject of an FAA investigation because, as he was coming in for a landing on the wrong runway, he asked the tower:

“Was that airliner meant to be underneath me?”

And that answer would be, “No, fool! You aren’t supposed to be over that airliner!”

And, not only that, Ford also ALLEGEDLY misidentified what kind of plane he was piloting and was ALLEGEDLY broadcasting to the wrong tower!

I’m thinking Hans should no longer fly Solo.

See what I did there ... ah, who cares!

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Disney is doing live-action remakes of pretty much all their cartoons because M-I-C ... see ya real soon ... K-E-Y ... why, because we need the coins.

And now comes word that Disney will be doing a live version of The Little Mermaid and, color me crazy, but Lindsay Lohan wants to be the mermaid.

On her Instagram page, Lohan actually put a photo of herself alongside a picture of cartoon Ariel, and then announced that she wants Bill Condon to direct, and her sister, Ali, to do a song for the film, and that Kat Graham should play Ursula.

Sadly, were this version of The Little Mermaid be made, it would end up with Ariel in prison for killing someone in an undersea bar fight.

Seriously, Lindsay? Sit down before you fall down.

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Remember how broke Tori Spelling is? I mean, the IRS is after her, as are most credit card companies because Tori and her husband Dean McDermott don’t pay their bills.

And so what better way to try and get out of debt than to become pregnant with your fifth child and then ask your Mommy, Candy Spelling, to throw you a lavish baby shower. Nothing says I can’t pay my bills than a $40,000 party for a fetus.

Money that could have been used to pay off a credit card or, oh, I don’t know, maybe pay off Dean’s ex-wife, Mary Jo Eustace, the one he left after he started schtupping the married to someone else, Tori.

See, Dean owes Mary Jo thousands of dollars in back child support for their 18-year-old son Jack, and after seeing Tori’s Instagram of the FetusFest, Mary Jo is expected to rake Dean’s ass over the coals next month in court.

But, hey, back child support, or a party for your fifth child?

Asked and answered.

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So, Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black became the Cute-Hot-New-Gay couple when they hooked up a few years ago, but maybe the newly out Tom should’a waited awhile before settling down, because, ALLEGEDLY, he’s kind of a photo-sharing, model-banging player.

See, Tom ALLEGEDLY sent a soft-core—it wasn’t hard, if you get my drift—porn video to a fan on Snapchat while, he claims, that he and Dustin were Ross-and-Rachel’ing it, i.e. they were on a break.

But he also had a bit of thing, and a couple of more things, with a model named Edward William whom he met on a London street. They started “hanging out” a year after Tom and Dustin became an item, and Edward has ALLEGEDLY “hung out” with both men several times.

But then Edward and Tom became “f**k buddies” whenever Dustin left town and for a year-and-a-half Ed was Tom’s booty call. Now, to be fair, some folks say Tom and Dustin have an open relationship so maybe Dustin knew?

But if he knew, and he saw that guy, wouldn’t he have gone off? I mean, I would ...

Edward and Tom stopped doing each other in 2015 when Tom got engaged to Dustin and Edward found a boyfriend who was less trick and more full-time.

Happy endings all around, or so it appears.

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