I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Oh Jussie. Former Empire actor, and Gay Boy Who Cried Wolf,  Jussie Smollett ALLEGEDLY had a sexual relationship with one of his ALLEGED ‘attackers,’ Ambimbola ‘Abel’ Osundairo.

Apparently, the couple, before Abel ‘bashed’ Jussie for some of his Empire coins, used to party together and go to a Chicago bathhouse to, um, well, bathe?

Oh Jussie, you don’t hire your sidepiece to ALLEGEDLY beat you up for sympathy press and a bigger contract for a TV show. Everybody knows that.

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This doesn’t look odd at all … Bruce Willis is self-isolating with ex-wife Demi Moore, and his three oldest children and their boyfriends and Demi’s assistant rather than self-isolate with his current wife, Emma Hemming, and their two young children. A source—Demi, no doubt because, seriously, what else does she have to do—says:

“Demi and Emma are close, and all three get on great as a big blended family. There are no issues at all. Emma needed to stay in L.A. with the young kids.”

Emma had to stay in LA while Bruce chose to stay with Demi? Uh huh; look, maybe it is all kumbaya in the Willis-Moore-Hemming household, but still  Bruce chose to self-isolate with his grown kids and not his younger ones?

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Some JLo juice? Okay … for whatever reason, Jose Canseco is still trying to convince the world that Alex Rodriquez is a cheating on JLo.

It all began last year, when Jose was watching World of Dance and Lopez, who at the time was newly engaged to A-Rod, and this annoyed Jose who claimed A-Rod was having an affair with his ex-wife Jessica Canseco—which Jessica has denied. Sadly, no one cared about Jose’s claims, but that hasn’t stopped him.

So, since no one cares—and let’s be clear, this will be another notch on JLo’s headboard and she be divorced from A-rod … if they ever marry … quicker than you can say How many times have you been married?—Canseco took to Twitter to wish:

“Happy Easter to everyone except Alex Rodriguez.”

Ooooh, burn. I love grown-assed men acting like thirteen-year-old girls. But then Jose followed that up with a message directed at JLo herself:

“Jennifer Lopez I have something to show you for your eyes only you will not regret it please contact Morgan at 702 374 3735”

Okay, first things first, who the fuck is Morgan? And how many Twit-heads tried calling him or her? And lastly, what the fuck is wrong with Jose Canseco? Did the steroids cause him to turn into a mean girl?

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It looks like one Anna Wintour won’t make Ricky Gervais’ Naughty List because Anna wants y’all to know that she has taken a pay cut during the pandemic.

Conde Nast, publisher of numerous magazines including Vogue, decided to tackle the COVID-19 situation with pay cuts and reduced work hours. CEO Roger Lynch is taking a 50% pay cut in an attempt to keep the company afloat, and a “temporary” pay cut will affect 10 to 20 percent of employees, but only those making $100,000 a year or more. It will go into effect May 1st.

Wintour—who ALLEGEDLY rakes in about $2 million a year—and I thought it’d be more—is included in the temporary pay cut group and will see her salary will be decreased by 20%.

Yes, people, Anna will have to make do on $1.6 million. I am starting a GoFundMe at once.

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Blac Chyna. Gurl. Did you learn nothing from Tori Spelling trying to use the pandemic to make people pay her to be on social media with them? Or, are you just that stupid?

Rhetorical question. You see, Chyna is selling FaceTime calls for $950 and social media follow backs for $250.

I wouldn’t pay this talentless miscreant social media whore 2 bucks to follow me home with my groceries, but it is funny to think that Chyna thinks she’s worth $950 on social media and Tori wanted just $95.

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After learning how hard Sam Smith has it in their London mansion, or how Justin Timberlake is struggling to raise ONE kid in the middle of a gated luxury community in Montana, or how Ellen feels like she’s living Orange Is The New Black But This Time In A Montecito Mansion … now we have Justin Bieber, and his streetwear model  wife, Hailey Baldwin, along with their BFF, Kendall Jenner, in an Instagram livestream talking about how important it is to acknowledge their privilege during these trying times.

Hailey hovers in the background making duck faces while Justin lets everyone know how blessed and rich they are, and they shouldn’t feel bad for it since they “worked” hard for it. Yes, while millions are out of work, and millions more have no healthcare, and thousands upon thousands are dying each and every day,  Justin and Hailey sit in their mansion and spew shiz like:

“How blessed are we to be able to like… a lot of people obviously in this time have a crappy situation. You know, they look at us and obviously, we’ve worked hard for where we’re at, so it’s like, you can’t feel bad for the things we have.”

At which point Kendall chimes in:

“[We’re] so blessed. I think about it all the time.”

Cut to the chase: this is what celebrities look and sound like when they get no attention. And to sit in your mansion and talk about how lucky you are because you worked so hard seems to imply that anyone without a mansion and servants and privilege doesn’t work hard at all.

The greatest payback would be for people to remember how these asshats acted, and when all this is over, stop buying their idiotic music or watching their stupid shows or, and this will kill these media whores, stop following and liking and sharing.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Well, Constance Wu seems to be loving her diva attitude … at least until the phone stops ringing and she stops getting hired.

Now the Crazy Rich Asians and Fresh Off the Boat ‘star’ is accused to sh*tting all over a rented penthouse. Well, to be fair, Wu rented the penthouse and then allowed her pet bunny—oh, isn’t she just so twee—roam wild around the space and take dumps wherever it pleased.

Wu rented the $6.5 million Chelsea apartment in NYC while she was filming Hustlers with JLo and, without the owner’s consent, she brought along her pet rabbit, Lida Rose, who proceeded to defecate and pee freely all over the place.

A housekeeper—hired by the owner to clean once a week—noticed the piss-and-shiz show and told the owner, who warned Wu to keep her pet in its cage, but Constance Wu only cares about Constance Wu so she ignored the warnings and the defecation continued until the owner eventually called Wu’s management and threatened to throw her out.

Wu is not talking because she’s an irresponsible egotistical wannabe star who will be a has-been before you know it … with a bunny who poops in a cardboard box under an LA overpass.

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If you’d ever thought that the Kardastrophe Koven was just a petri dish of incestuous relationships, you’re right on the mark.

Tyga, who is Kylie Kardastrophe’s—let’s face it, she’d lose the Jenner as fast as she could if given the chance—ex-boyfriend, was once married to Jordan Craig.

Jordan Craig has a child with Tristan Thompson.

Tristan has a child with Khloe Kardastrophe.

Tyga also has a kid with Blac Chyna.

Blac Chyna has a child with Rob Kardastrophe.

Do those people not know anyone else they can date or impregnate or be impregnated by?

That whole Klan needs a Silkwood Scrubdown™.

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When a family has spent decades relying on one person to pay their bills and buy them shiz, what does that family do when the Coin Machine™ is dead? Send them out on the road as a hologram.

Yes, Dead Whitney is going on tour because the Houston family needs the coins. Despite the fact she’s been dead for seven years, Whitney Houston’s estate is planning on releasing a new album and sending Whitney out on tour in the form of a hologram.

Estate executor, and sister-in-law to Dead Whitney, Pat Houston has plans for a Dead Whitney album, a Dead Whitney Tour, and a Dead Whitney Broadway musical because even a Dead Whitney makes more money than Pat Houston, or the family.

Funny thing, though, in 2016 there was supposed to be a duet between Dead Whitney the Hologram and Christina Aguilera, but Pat put the kibosh on that because it was tacky. I think they thought it was tacky because Christina would get some of the coins and the Houston’s want all of them for themselves.

It’s all about the coins that can be made off selling your dead family member,like Whitney Houston: Dead In Concert!

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So, to recap … two years ago Real Housewives of New York City‘s very own ex-Countess and wannabe singer Luann De Lesseps was arrested for trying to have sex in an empty hotel room and then attacking the police officers dispatched to haul her drunk ass to jail.

To avoid jail time. Luann agreed to go to rehab, and, to be fair, she did complete that stint, only to be released and start a new life as ex-con, ex-countess, ex-drunk cabaret star Luann De Lesseps.

But then she had a relapse and was sent back to rehab where she stayed for less than three weeks before leaving to take her act—whatever that is—on the road.

And that brings us to her third strike; Luann recently violated her probation by admitting to her parole officer that she’d had some cocktails after one of her recent “shows”. She says she just had mimosas, which aren’t really drinks, unless you’re a three-time arrestee who can’t stay sober for more than a few months at a time.

And the judge who heard her sob story was all, Sorry, bitch, and put her in handcuffs. Luckily, she wasn’t taken to jail, but  she was hit with more conditions added to her probation …

She will have a breathalyzer in her car, making it impossible for her to drive drunk, for which America thanks the judge; she will be getting weekly telephone counseling sessions, for which she cannot use the bartender at the nearest Red Lobster; she will have monthly in-person meetings with a psychiatrist; and she must start taking the prescription drug Antabuse, which treats alcoholism by giving Luann the effects of a very severe hangover should have even one drink … including a mimosa.

Luann’s representative, which may or may not be one of her drinking buddy backup dancers, told the media:

“She looks forward to completing the last couple months of probation and putting this entire situation behind her and moving on with her life.”

Funny, that’s what she said the first time she got arrested, and then when she went to rehab, and then when she fell off the wagon and went to rehab again.

It’s the same old song. Hey, maybe she could find a spot for that in her cabaret act?

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Boy George is a bit of a diva, though nowhere near Wu-level diva-ness, but … as a judge on The Voice Australia one contestant got under the Boy’s skin and he was off … literally.

During the blind auditions 20-year-old Daniel Shaw sang Beneath Your Beautiful while playing the piano, and it made all four judges—Kelly Rowland, Guy Sebastian, Delta Goodrem, and Boy George—turn their chairs and hope he’d pick them. Boy George asked if Daniel played guitar, and Daniel replied:

“I can play guitar, but no one really cares if I play guitar.”

Now, there was a touch of rudeness there, and Boy wasn’t having it. He asked:

“No one cares?” 

When Daniel shook his head, Boy George said:

“I do.”

Then he suggested Daniel pick any other judge, grabbed his phone and left the building!

Of course, though, because there's a contract and a check involved, the Boy came back and claimed he’d misheard Daniel.

“I just misheard what was said, and I just went, you know when you go in the moment? I am kind of fine now and I’m a bit embarrassed. I’m cool, I’m not annoyed, I was just annoyed in the moment. I’ve got to go and find somewhere not to be embarrassed. I’ll have to be tied to my seat.”

Now, to be fair, that’s not high gossip, because he came back, but it does give me a moment to share my favorite Boy George story: years ago, during the height of Culture Club realness, Boy was in Japan doing a photo shoot. After they put him in his wardrobe, he announced that he didn’t like the pants because they reminded him of a cheap hotel …

"No ballroom."

Get it?

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I Ain't One To Gossip, But ....

Well, someone finally said … well, at least someone kinda famous said it: Tommy Cruise is short.

Lee Child, the author of the Jack Reacher novels just announced that Tom is too much of a Tiny Tom to play the title character again.

Reacher is described in the books as being almost six-and-a-half feet tall, with hands the size of dinner plates and Tom stands about five-foot-seven soaking wet with lifts in his shoes and hands the size of _____ hands. And Child says:

“Cruise, for all his talent, didn’t have that physicality. I really enjoyed working with Cruise. He’s a really, really nice guy … but ultimately the readers are right. The size of Reacher is really, really important and it’s a big component of who he is. The idea is that when Reacher walks into a room, you’re all a little nervous just for that first minute. And Cruise, for all his talent, didn’t have that physicality.”

Lee adds that maybe if they reboot the Wizard of Oz Cruise could have a shot as the Mayor of Munchkin City.

Or maybe I said that.

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I do love shade, and actress Zoë Kravitz is my new Shadestress.

On an episode Watch What Happens Live to promote Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindewald a caller asked Zoë about her appearance in Lily Allen’s memoir My Thoughts Exactly in which Lily claimed she and Zoë partied one night in 2014 and ended up kissing; when the caller asked Zoë if she was warned by Lily about that story, Zoë Mariah Carey’d Lily by saying:

“Who’s Lily Allen?”

And then Zoë told her side of the kissing story:

“If by ‘kissing’ she means, like, attacking, then yes, she kissed me. She attacked me.”

Zoë then said it was portrayed in the book like she wanted Lily to kiss her and that wasn’t the case; and when Andy Cohen asked Zoë if she read Lily’s book, she said—and I love it:

“I don’t think anybody read the book.”

It.Was.Deliciously.Shady.

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According to multiple sources—Kellyanne, Huckleberry and Junior—_____’s favorite child, and Girlfriend-In-His-Head, Ivanka, and the third Missus _____ do not get along. And the drama ALLEGEDLY stems from who was going to get to take that fashion trip to Africa first.

Y’all recall that last month, Melanie took a solo trip to Africa to parade various outfits around the pyramids and small children. But when Melanie’s handlers presented the idea of the Africa trip months earlier, Ivanka’s minions informed them that the First Lady Daughter was planning her own trip, but just hadn’t announced it yet. And so Melanie said:

“I don’t care. I need to get away from Orange Baboon so I go now,”

And off she went, leaving Ivanka , her Chief Minion and Baggage Handler, Jared, and their Lapdog, Miss PittyPatFlippetyFlop Lindsey Graham to plan their own trip sometime next year where Ivanka will model clothes, Jared will play mute, and Miss Lindsey will try on Ivanka’s Manolos.

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It looks like Kardastrophe-adjacent Blac Chyna may just see less coins  now that Rob Kardastrophe is trying to pay less child support for their daughter, Kream …Dream.

After months of fighting over payments, Rob filed papers demanding that the20K he pays a month to Chyna be reduced because he “can no longer afford these orders” since, wait for it, Chyna filed domestic violence claims against him. Rob says.

“I have not participated in the filming of any episodes [of KUWTK] since this summer when [Chyna] filed a request for a restraining order against me. Her request was widely publicized and I was scrutinized by the media … It has been an extraordinarily difficult time for me emotionally and I have no desire to continue participating in the reality show. I would like to maintain my privacy, try to recover from the emotional damage of the past several months, and explore other business ventures.”

Wait; your Baby Mama says you’re violent, so you stop filming your reality show and then cry poor, so you can pay her even less? Bitch, please.

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And so now Blac Chyna and Rob Kardastrophe’s child support fight is headed into Round Three.

It seems Rob wants to pay less money to his baby and Baby Mama because he’s broke; oh, not broke like eating mayonnaise sandwiches without the bread broke, but broke as in even Kourtney has more money than Rob. Court documents show that when during the breakup with Chyna, Rob was forced to sell his lucrative—that makes me giggle just typing–sock line to That Woman.  

Yup, Mama bought the socks and now Rob is claiming poverty and even had to move back into the Koven with her.

And of course, That Woman confirmed all of this because it makes her look good to make her son look like a failure:

“I helped Robert with his sock line business, Arthur George. I infused the business with capital, purchased goods, and set up distribution and fulfillment centers amongst other tasks. In exchange for the work I did and the money I put in, I acquired 50% interest in the business.”

He cannot film his fake show and he cannot sell socks and he’s moved back in with the Devil who bought his business. And I think she got his soul, too.

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I love me some Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and am a particular fan of the spectacular Lisa Vanderpump.

Well, ALLEGEDLY there has been some tension this upcoming season between LVP and the other “wives,” and rumor has it she may be leaving the show. Vanderpump has been absent during much of the filming for the upcoming season—she did suffer a death in the family—and some say it’s because there was some spat involving Dorit Kemsley—whom I loathe—and a dog adopted from Lisa’s organization, VanderPups,  and later returned.

Bravo, knowing she is a fan favorite, is staying mum, saying only:

“Lisa will appear in the majority of episodes this season. She has not been filming at every event, but fans can expect to see her throughout. The show will return to Bravo in early 2019.”

But another source—and it could be Brandi Glanville stirring her witches’ cauldron—says:

“Lisa has only filmed on a few occasions during the beginning of filming this season and has been absent the remainder of the time. She has been refusing to film and … her interactions with the ladies have been solely negative. Lisa has still not returned to filming and as of now has no plan to. It’s too far gone, and Lisa agrees that she shouldn’t return at this point.”

I’m’a just say it, if she goes, I go, because I will be VanderBummed.

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For the past ten years, Gwyneth Paltrow has run a multi-million-dollar business saying thousand dollar t-shirts and vaginal eggs to gullible rich women with too much time on their hands and no limit on their AMEX.

But Gwynnie wants y’all to know show she struggled, struggled, to find investors for GOOP because no one wanted anything to do with her special brand of crazy because … wait for it …it’s as precious as anything she sells … she was too famous.

Seriously; she wants people to think that if she was Missus Betty Paltrow from Iowa who came up with an idea to sell shady medical cures and cheap threads jacked-up in price, investors would be clamoring for a piece of the pie, but because she’s an Oscar winner—having won the Oscar Harvey Weinstein bought for her—no one would help.

Siddown, snake-oil salesperson.

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It's Snarkurday!

Ouch! When Fadi Fawaz found out that he didn’t make it into his late boyfriend George Michael’s will, he went on a Twitter tear, saying:

“George I hate you.”

He then Tweeted, again, on how George died, speculating, again, that it was a suicide.

Nice. Your love has died, and didn’t leave you anything in the will—George’s cousin Andros Georgiou says the estate was divided up between charities, his sisters, and a couple of his housekeepers—and this is how you act?

Maybe George knew that and that’s why you got zip, zilch, nada.

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In I Need A Silkwood Scrub-Down news … last week Kelsey Grammer appeared on Conan and talked about his tattoo … located just above his old man junk because nothing is cooler than grandpa with a dick tat.

And the tattoo is the name of his fourth wife, Kayte Walsh, who apparently demanded the ink:

“I think it was more, sort of, an ownership thing. My wife said, ‘Why don’t you get a tattoo?’… I guess, maybe, it was based on the idea if ever, I thought maybe a peccadillo outside the marriage, was a good idea. Whoever it might be, would read that this particular piece of equipment was already signed for, and owned, by someone named Kayte.”

Seriously. If Kayte thinks a tattoo will stop Kelsey Grammer, who cheated on his third wife with his fourth wife, from cheating, she needs one on her forehead that reads:

“Vacant.”

Just sayin’.

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We never hear from Charlie Sheen unless he’s pulled a knife on someone or crawled back to rehab or claims he’s too broke to pay his bills.

Ding.Ding.Ding. It’s that last one! Sheen is once again ALLEGING that he is too poor to handle paying child support to both his exes, Denise Richards and Brooke Mueller. He has filed a request with the court system asking to have his child support adjusted because his finances are no longer in the tens of millions and he can’t afford his kids:

“I have been unable to find steady work, and have been blacklisted from many aspects of the entertainment industry.” 

To be fair, as fair as one can be with Sheen, he pays first ex-0wife Denise some $20,000 a month for their two girls, and gives Brooker Mueller about $55,000 a month for their two boys.

I guess boys cost more?

Charlie says he has less than $10 million in the bank … oh the pain … do you need food stamps? Or, better yet, go get a job washing cars, being a pimp, making mochas.

I mean, that’s what a judge might tell any deadbeat dad, much less one with 10 million in the bank.

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Kim Kardastrophe. Plastic surgery addicted homophobe.

It’s true; Tyson Beckford saw a photo of Kim online and suggested that her plastic surgeon biffed her right hip, and then said he’s did not care for women who had plastic surgery. Now, that’s not nice, even if it’s directed at media whore Kim Kardastrophe who just said a few weeks ago that she was easing up on her social media posts and then tripled her posts.

But I digress. Kim saw Tyson’s response and she said:

“Sis we all know why you don’t care for it.”

Media whore. Plastic surgery addict. Homophobe.

Oh, and let’s not forget that this same week, she cheered and when her family said she was so thin that she looked anorexic because, you know, anorexia is a diet.

This bitch.

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Oh Britney Spears … stop talking. Stop “singing” too, for that matter. This past week, while performing onstage at Brighton Pride, BritBrit forgot where she was and turned to a backup dancer to ask:

“Where are we?”

The dancer replied:

“Brighton Pride bitch.” 

Okay, maybe that last word was just me, but then BritBrit shrieked:

“What’s up Brighton Pride!”

Oy.

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Oh, incest is good for a laugh, no?

Former Kardastrophe wannabe—she’s Rob Kardastrophe’s ex—Blac Chyna has a new, eleven years younger boyfriend, rapper YBN Almighty Jay, who recently posted to Instagram that he is Blac’s “oldest son.”

Cuz, you know, incest is a joke.

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More Kardastrophe news? Too bad, you’re getting it anyway …

On a recent episode of Keeping Up With The Kardastrophe’s one Khloé Kardastrophe spurted out some really stupid shiz from that mammoth mouth of hers:

"I was pregnant during this entire season of KUWTK. Some women get “pregnancy lips”. I was one of them. So my lips look crazy and massive. Trust me. I know and I hated it. A lot of wild sh*t happens to your body and face while pregnant. It’s out of our control. Most people don’t have to film during an entire pregnancy so just watch the show and be kind about growing body and lips. Pregnant women should be off limits.”

Siddown.  Cuz if you hated your fat lips, then why all the Instagram photos of you and your lips? Not the baby bump, but the ginormous lips?

Be honest, you took the fat from Kim’s ass and Kanye’s head and injected it in your lips.

Okurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

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Add Kathleen Turner to the list of people who give no f**ks … right alongside one Miss Patti LuPone.

Turner gave an interview in which she tore into everyone from Elizabeth Taylor, Nicolas Cage, Burt Reynolds, the Friends cast, ____, and Hollywood.

She starts off with saying Taylor was all wrong for the role in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof and Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? —roles Turner took to Broadway:

“[Taylor] has a bad voice, badly used. In any case, people are after me all the time to do Sweet Bird of Youth, and I’m like, ‘Enough Taylor shit!’”

Then comes Cage and that weird voice he did in Peggy Sue Got Married:

“It was tough to not say, ‘Cut it out.’ But it wasn’t my job to say to another actor what he should or shouldn’t do. So I went to [director] Francis [Ford Coppola]. I asked him, ‘You approved this choice?’ It was very touchy. He [Nicolas Cage] was very difficult on set. But the director allowed what Nicolas wanted to do with his role, so I wasn’t in a position to do much except play with what I’d been given. If anything, it [Cage’s portrayal] only further illustrated my character’s disillusionment with the past. The way I saw it was, yeah, he was that asshole.”

Next up, Burt Reynolds:

“Working with Burt Reynolds was terrible. The first day Burt came in he made me cry. He said something about not taking second place to a woman. His behavior was shocking. It never occurred to me that I wasn’t someone’s equal.”

And as for that other misogynistic tool, _____:

“He goes to shake your hand and with his index finger kind of rubs the inside of your wrist. He’s trying to do some kind of seductive intimacy move. You pull your hand away and go yuck.”

As for the cats of Friends, where Kathleen played Chandler Bing’s drag queen father; she claims she didn’t exactly get a warm welcome from the cast because they were such a little clique and anybody on the outside really didn’t matter to them. When she was asked about their acting talent, she replied:

“I won’t comment on that.”

And then she gave a little gossip, of the Blind Item Variety.

“I’ll give you an example, but you mustn’t include her name. [Very famous Hollywood actress] has played the same role for 20 years. She even looks pretty much the same. She’s probably one of the richest women out there, but I would shoot myself if I were like that, only giving people what they expect.”

Sounds a little Julia to me.

Gosh, I’d love to sit in the shade and sip some tea with Turner.

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