Bobservations

The other day, for some reason, Carlos and I were discussing the fact that most straight men don’t give other straight men compliments for fear of looking ‘gay.’ And out of the blue, he says:

“As I always say, the hardest thing about a man wearing a kilt is that it exposes a man to his insecurities.”

“As you always say?”

“Yes, that’s what I always say.”

“Seriously? We’re nineteen years into this thing and I have never heard that before.”

“Well, I don’t say it to you.”

And then he sashays from the room singing …

♫ ♪ “You don’t know me …" ♪ ♫

There are times when that man is the funniest person ever!

A man was hunting a rhinoceros in Kruger National Park, South Africa last week when he was trampled by the elephant, and his remains were devoured by a pride of lions.

Four other hunters were arrested, and they told the man’s family what happened. The relatives then called park officials, who started a search to recover his remains. A human skull and a pair of pants were recovered.

Karma is a bitch and this time she got it right.

Okay, I’m a cynic … bite me … but this story chaps my hide.

It seems that Taylor Swift has donated $113,000 to the Tennessee Equality Project, a group that tries to stop state lawmakers from passing a series of anti-LGBTQ legislation.

Here’s the cynical part …Tennessee has been anti-LGBTQ forever and Swifty never ponied up cash, but suddenly, on the heels of Beyoncé getting an award from GLAAD suddenly Tay-Tay is an ally?

I think she wants a trophy and she can bite me.

Kirstjen Nielsen resigned this week and folks are wondering what she’ll do next. I suggested we cage her and leave her at the border so she can get an exact idea of how vile a human being she is.

Colorado Senator Vicki Marble gave an extraordinary speech outlining why she couldn't vote in favor of an 'Equal Pay Day' bill—a resolution urging government agencies to help close the pay gap for Colorado's women and minorities—saying she was concerned it was 'so focused against a white man':

"I just can't take part in something that is so focused against a white man because frankly I feel white men have done a lot for this country and this legislature. [And] not all white men make the same as every white man in a job."

Senator Marble explained that she was a single mother and had lived on "hot dogs and macaroni cheese" - but she doesn't feel cheated that she was paid less than men, er, white men, I’m guessing.

Siddown, you’re blocking the movement.

Lori Loughlin and her husband Mossimo Giannulli were indicted this week for participating in the college admissions scam and were then hit with a new charge … conspiracy to commit money laundering, prosecutors said.

The move comes a day after the feds announced that 13 other parents arrested in the scandal—including actress Felicity Huffman—had agreed to take plea deals.

Of note is that under her plea deal Huffman gets a far lighter sentence—probation only, no jail time—than others who committed the same offense.

Yeah, that really shows that not only can money and privilege buy your way into college, it can also buy your way out of jail.

Well, maybe except for Loughlin. She may be going from Full House to Big House.

Texas Rangers players Joey Gallo and Nomar Mazara introduced a new celebration handshake to Major League Baseball on Sunday, after Gallo sent both players in on a home run.

No more High Five, now it’s the Low Grab and Tug? Maybe I should be playing baseball?

James Yates is a fitness model and an author of A Scrapbook of Conditioning Workouts, and clearly his workouts work.

He fills out briefs and wee swimsuits rather nicely.

He looks good wet.

He travels light.

He likes to skateboard, and I like to watch him skateboard.

Just sayin’.

If you aren’t following playwright, novelist, screenwriter and essayist Paul Rudnick on Twitter, if only for his captioning of photos of the _____ Klan and its minions, why aren’t you?

They’re high-larious.

Tuesday Thought #1

Tuesday Thought #2

Bobservations

It seems just like last week—because it was—when _____ was rallying and shouting and inciting fear, and generally having what he calls a good time, just ahead of the midterms. Then …

… the midterms; and his party, and _____, had their asses handed to them and now he is lost and sullen and bitter. Maybe it has something to do with incoming Democratic House majority going after his tax returns and investigating his other illegal actions.

Sorry …not sorry.

Speaking of sad _____s, Melanie has asked for Deputy National Security adviser Mira Ricardel, to be fired, after Ricardel ALLEGEDLY had a series of run-ins with the Melanie’s office, who released this statement:

“It is the position of the Office of the First Lady that she no longer deserves the honor of serving in this White House.”

That’s an extraordinary, if not unprecedented, move for a First lady, but then so is posing with your coochie out.

While the students of Parkland banded together to demand gun control after the shooting at their school, the students at Baraboo High School decided to give a Nazi salute in a prom photo last spring.

Now that the photo has gone viral, they’re all trying to spin it, but it’s hard to spin all those students holding their arms in the exact same position at the exact same moment … and then laughing while they do it.

Asshats; sheep.

I dunno, should he be called Lord Gaga?

At a couple of premieres for Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald Ezra Miller is doing his level best to make the promotion interesting.

And I think Gaga might be nervous that someone is stepping on her drag.

We all know _____ cancelled trips to both the Aisne-Marne American cemetery in France—where 1,800 Americans died—and a follow-up visit to Arlington on Veteran’s Day because it was raining.

I guess he was right about that Robert Mueller witch hunt; apparently, if he gets wet, he’ll melt? Or, he’s just an over-indulgent, narcissistic, bloated, whining man-baby.

Oh, and also, while in Paris, when seventy world leaders walked to the Arc de Triomphe, marking 100 years since the end of World War I, there were just two world leaders who didn’t participate:

Putin and ____. Maybe they were having special alone time?

Down in the land of my birth, Mississippi, GOP Senator Cindy Hyde-Smith is in a runoff election against Democrat Mike Espy, and at a recent event where rancher Colin Hutchinson praised her, Hyde-Smith actually said:

“If he invited me to a public hanging, I’d be on the front row.”

In Mississippi. Where’s she’s in a runoff with a Black man; Mississippi, which has a long and brutal history of lynchings and public executions of African American citizens.

But hey, she supports _____ and he supports her, so is anyone surprised?

Speaking of Veteran’s Day at Arlington, while _____couldn’t get his rug wet, guess who showed up to honor American veterans?

The French.

Our president couldn’t be bothered but the French …

Lucy McBath, a member of Mothers of the Movement, a group of black women who have lost children to gun violence, has won her election to represent Georgia’s 6th Congressional District—a seat the GOP has held for 30 years.

McBath is the mother of Jordan Davis, a 17-year-old young man who was shot to death by a white man who thought Davis was playing music too loudly outside a Florida gas station.

And now she’s in Congress in Georgia. Brava!

Rumor has it that Hillary Clinton will try to reinvent herself “as a liberal firebrand” and run for president again in 2020.

Please, for the love of the goddess, Hillary, just stay home. We are in a Blue Wave and need some new faces, some strong, faces. You’ve had your chance, twice; let it go.

Oh, and that goes for you, too, Bernie.

It appears that _____is planning to fire Secretary of Homeland Security Kirstjen Nielsen very soon.

Poor girl; how is she gonna torture more families and lock more children up in cages if she’s out of a job. Bye bitch.

Finally, it’s a cold wet Thursday in Smallville, and I need a little Henry Cavill to heat things up, especially with his new longer, luscious, curly hair.

And while we’re at it let’s throw in Jay Hayden and Sterling Sulieman, who play gay lovers on ABC’s Station 19; we don’t watch, but I did catch a glimpse of a rather passionate love scene between the two men.

My how TV has changed since Lucy and Ricky slept in double beds.

Just sayin’.

I Didn't Say It ...

Stephen Colbert, on Attorney General Jeff Sessions using the Bible to justify separating immigrant kids from their parents:

“Now if that sounds evil, then good news, your ears are working. The United States? That’s you and me who are putting up with our government saying, ‘If you come to the United States, the worst thing imaginable will happen to you. We will take your children away from you, with no guarantee you’ll see them again.’ That is using cruelty as a deterrent. That’s not my interpretation. That is our stated intention. And the way they’re doing it is horrific. Public defenders in the area are telling parents they’re taking their children away for baths to never return with them. Clearly, no decent human being could defend that, so Jeff Sessions did. Don’t bring God into this. First of all, I don’t think God picked you, because I don’t worship Vladimir Putin. And, the only thing in the Bible close to this is a king threatening to cut a baby in two, and he was joking. I will give Sessions this: That is what Romans 13:1 says: You’ve got to have laws. But if he had just read a little bit further, into Romans 13:10, it says: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore, love is the fulfillment of the law.’ But I’m not surprised Sessions didn’t read the whole thing. After all, Jesus said, ‘Suffer the children to come unto me,’ but I’m pretty sure all Sessions saw was the words ‘children’ and ‘suffer’ and said, ‘I’m on it!' … So, for Father’s Day, call your elected representatives and demand they do something. Because I sincerely believe that it doesn’t matter who you voted for. If we let this happen in our name, we are a feckless… country.”

We are America and we, yes, we, are taking children from their parents and basically putting them into camps.

Camps; not Summer camps, but internment camps.

That’s America under _____ and Sessions.

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Laura Bush, former First Lady of the United States, on the incarceration of brown children at the border:

“I was among the millions of Americans who watched images of children who have been torn from their parents. In the six weeks between April 19 and May 31, the Department of Homeland Security has sent nearly 2,000 children to mass detention centers or foster care. More than 100 of these children are younger than 4 years old. The reason for these separations is a zero-tolerance policy for their parents, who are accused of illegally crossing our borders.

I live in a border state. I appreciate the need to enforce and protect our international boundaries, but this zero-tolerance policy is cruel. It is immoral. And it breaks my heart.

Our government should not be in the business of warehousing children in converted box stores or making plans to place them in tent cities in the desert outside of El Paso. These images are eerily reminiscent of the Japanese American internment camps of World War II, now considered to have been one of the most shameful episodes in U.S. history.

Americans pride ourselves on being a moral nation, on being the nation that sends humanitarian relief to places devastated by natural disasters or famine or war. We pride ourselves on believing that people should be seen for the content of their character, not the color of their skin. We pride ourselves on acceptance. If we are truly that country, then it is our obligation to reunite these detained children with their parents — and to stop separating parents and children in the first place.

People on all sides agree that our immigration system isn’t working, but the injustice of zero tolerance is not the answer. I moved away from Washington almost a decade ago, but I know there are good people at all levels of government who can do better to fix this.

In 2018, can we not as a nation find a kinder, more compassionate and more moral answer to this current crisis? I, for one, believe we can.”

Word.

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Kirstjen Nielsen, Homeland Security Secretary, telling the National Sheriffs’ Association not to believe the press regarding the _____ administration’s immigrant child separation policy:

“Don’t believe the press. They are very well taken care of … We operate according to some of the highest standards in the country. We provide food, medical, education, and all needs that the child requests … .We will not apologize for the job we do or for the job law enforcement does for doing the job that the American people expect us to do. Illegal actions have and must have consequences. No more free passes, no more get-out-of-jail-free cards.”

Sad she was born to late to round up Jews. I think she might have loved that, too.

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Shepard Smith, Fox News, on that meeting between _____ and Kim Jong Un:

“[Kim] wanted the legitimacy that came with the event, the handshake with America’s president, and he wanted those military exercises with the Americans and the South Koreans that happen every year to stop. Kim Jong Un got it all for actually doing nothing.”

____ is nothing; he does nothing; he accomplishes nothing.

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Seth Meyers, on _____, Sessions and Miller’s policy of separating immigrant children from their parents:

“_____ has sympathy for [Paul Manafort] accused of conspiracy against the United States and sent to jail for alleged witness tampering but what about children fleeing violence and seeking asylum with their parents? This will shock you—_____ has much less sympathy for them. [And] if this policy strikes you as monstrous, and inhumane, and cruel, then you’re a decent person. In other words, you are not attorney general Jeff Sessions. Last week, Sessions defended the policy by citing the Bible. He cites the Bible like a guy challenging someone else’s word in Scrabble. [And] you know you’re evil when you actually want credit for a policy this cruel. Miller’s like a serial killer who leaves clues for the police … To be absolutely clear, this Is not a law. It’s a choice by the _____ administration, and they could end it right now. And yet _____ is trying to gaslight the country into thinking it’s actually the Democrats’ fault that this policy exists. He just repeats the same lie, over and over … _____‘s lies are starting to sound like the Tinder profile of a scammer trying to catfish you. This policy is monstrous and morally repugnant and it is being done in our name. Any elected official who doesn’t call for an immediate end to it is complicit, and anyone associated with it should resign in disgrace.”

Anyone who hasn’t yet stepped up to publicly denounce _____ and this inhumane act, needs to go; if not instantly through resignation, then in November by the will of the people.

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Ronna Romney McDaniel, RNC Chair, threatening people who don’t support Hair Furor:

“Complacency is our enemy. Anyone that does not embrace the _____ agenda of making America great again will be making a mistake.”

Threats. To democracy; to Free Speech; to Resistance.

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John Oliver, blasting Jeff Sessions and Sarah Huckleberry Sanders for their excuses for separating families:

“I cannot stress this enough. There is no law that suddenly required separating parents from their children. This was the result of a deliberate policy choice by Jeff Sessions, a man so small he can wear – and this is true – a raspberry as a hat. That’s a fact. A. [It is] so not a f**king law. And B. Lots of things are said in the Bible but that doesn’t mean you should do them. At one point the Bible demands that the head of government get 100 foreskins but I don’t think Sanders is looking for Congress to get together and start slicing dicks. And the _____ administration might want to go a little easy on holding the Bible up as a moral code. Because let’s remember, the Bible is not a big fan of adultery, gluttony, coveting your neighbor’s wife, pride or wrath.”

Not mention coveting your daughter and generally being the biggest douchebag on the planet.

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_____, praising dictator Kim Jong Un:

“He speaks, and his people sit up at attention. I want my people to do the same.”

Fuck.You.

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Tuesday Thought #4