The Funny Papers

Gary Huck, Chappatte Cartoons, Daniel Boris, Tim Campbell, Clay Bennett, Max Espinoza, Marc Murphy, Ann Telnaes, Chris Britt, Trevor Irvin, Dennis Goris, JD Crowe, Michael de Adder, Jeffrey Koterba, Nick Anderson,

Vice Admiral Nancy Lacore May Get The Last Laugh

Vice Admiral Nancy Lacore was in the Navy for thirty-five years, starting in the cockpit and finishing with three stars and command of the entire Navy Reserve of some 59,000 sailors and Marines; she has thirteen hundred flight hours under her belt, and command of the US base in Djibouti, and dozens of medals.

Last August, DUI Hire Pete Hegseth removed her, with no hearing, no charges, no reason on the record; a firing without cause. Lacore lost her job the same afternoon Hegseth fired the intelligence chief whose agency had just concluded that the strikes on Iran set the nuclear program back by months, not the total obliteration the president kept selling . The people closest to that inconvenient truth were swept out en masse. Competence no longer mattered, only loyalty and maintaining the lies put forth by Hegseth and an inept and incompetent regime.

Lacore could have taken the pension and the silence but instead she chose to run for Congress in the South Carolina seat Nancy Mace walked away from to chase the governor's mansion—and lose it. Last week Nancy Lacore won the Democratic nomination in a runoff, outright, and for the first time in forty years her district might be sending a Democrat to DC if she wins in November.

Hegseth once stood in front of a room of generals and told them that if they did not align with his vision and his story, they should do the honorable thing and resign. Lacore refused to resign and forced Hegseth to fire her …

And now Hegseth may spend next year answering to a Congress with her vote in it, her name on the door, inside the building she spent a lifetime defending. He wanted her out of his chain of command but his actions handed her the seat above it.

Ain't That America XXXIX

Another week and the four week war is in its eighth week … the president and his Cabinet cannot do basic math … there was another ALLEGED attempt on his life ... Miss Lindsey is crying in her vodka … And a bit of good news too …

A man was shot at the White House Correspondents' Dinner Saturday night while a Secret Service agent took the bullet in his vest but survived. Cankles was rushed off stage but within an hour he was saying that the shooting proves the need for the ballroom and justifies his war.

The man who survived an ALLEGED actual attempt on his life before, who said political violence was "destroying America" after Charlie Kirk was shot, whose Justice Department charged the Southern Poverty Law Center with fraud last week, who has been escalating his rhetoric against journalists and Democrats and judges every single day for months, used a shooting at a press dinner as a marketing pitch for his ballroom and his war.

That sounds about Cankles and all of that makes the entire thing seem suspect; again.

 

Throughout US during Cankles Con Artist Regime stock traders have been betting millions of dollars just before he makes major announcements.

Insider trading and the GOP-led Congress does nothing. They are just as complicit and need to be removed.

Acting Attorney ​General Todd Blanche  says the US government should add firing squads, electrocution and gas asphyxiation as methods of ​executing people convicted of the gravest federal crimes.

Careful what you wish for Todd, because soon enough many in the regime might be facing those very same methods.

That is a photo of Cankles with members of the University of Georgia’s championship-winning women’s tennis team.

Just so you know, those are all men in the front row and this picture proves how the regime feels about women.

Newly seated GOP Rep. Clay Fuller:

“So I had to stay in a hotel in Maryland for work and I wake up and it is blazing hot in my room. So the AC’s out. So I go to the front desk and I was like, ‘Hey, sir, the AC’s out. Can you send anybody down to my room to help fix it?’ He said, ‘Well, it’s not that it’s broken. You have to understand that there’s an AOC, Green New Deal thing, where if you’re not moving in your room, the AC just basically shuts off on its own.’ And I said, ‘Well, I’m asleep, I’m obviously not moving.’ And he said, ‘Don’t worry, there this VIP setting and we can override and the AC will stay on.’  And I said, ‘I don’t understand, it should already be in VIP mode because I’m from Georgia.’ And he said, ‘I don’t understand.’ I said, ‘Well, Georgia is named after George Washington,’ who quite literally invented freedom. It’s the birthplace of Ronald Acuna Jr.  … And he said, ‘Well, I’m immediately switching it to VIP mode.'”

Fuller’s stupidity was instantly fact-checked to prove that Georgia was not named for George Washington and that Atlanta Braves star Ronald Acuna was born in Venezuela.  

Health Secretary, Racoon Dick Saver and Heroin Addict  Robert F. Kennedy Jr. defended Cankles frequent incorrect calculations of percentages when talking about discounts on prescription drug prices, arguing that the president “has a different way of calculating” saying:

“If you have a $600 drug, and you reduce it to $10, that’s a 600% reduction.”

Seriously, math is hard if not downright impossible for the regime. A price discount cannot be more than 100% because that would lower the price to zero—or suggest that the company was giving you money for buying the product.

Cankles says that he would have led the US to victory in the Vietnam War within weeks.

Funny, though, that a five-time draft dodger who begged his daddy to have a doctor declare that his bone spurs made it impossible for him to go to Vietnam thinks he could have stopped the war.

He can’t even end the war in Iran quickly though he claims every week that the war is over until he relaizes it’s not.

Energy Secretary Chris Wright floundered this week when cornered on his shifting claims about rising gas prices amid the war with Iran. Wright was reminded by CNN host Jake Tapper that just six weeks ago he had predicted prices would drop below $3 a gallon within weeks—not months and now, when asked again when Americans could realistically expect those lower prices prices Wright said:

“Uh, I don‘t know.”

Perfect man for the job. Eh?

Miss Lindsey took to the airwaves this week begging for money because the Democrats are outspending him:

“We’re in a fight for the heart and soul of this country. I’m in a fight. I need your help. I hate to say this, but I’ve been outraised twice by Democrats … The Democrats have money. I don’t know where they’re getting all this money, but I need your help … Please help me if you can.”

Um, ma’am? The Democrats have money because right now a slim majority of South Carolinians want your ass out of Congress. M’kay? Better?

The Cankles regime rolled out the welcome mat for the upcoming visit of King Charles III . Sadly, though, they displayed the flags of Australia instead of the Union Jack though to be fair Charles is also Australia’s head of state.

Fair, but not diplomatically ideal.

A federal appeals court ruled that Cankles’ declaration of an “invasion” at the US-Mexico border was illegal, effectively clearing the way to reopen the United States to migrants seeking asylum. It was not clear when asylum processing would resume, and the regime is likely to appeal the decision but it’s a step and smack in the face for Cankles.

Cankles approval rating has sunk to a new low as Americans express growing concerns about rising costs and the war with Iran.

Just 37% of adults approve of Cankles’ performance as president, while 63% disapprove—including 50% who disapprove strongly—putting his job rating at the lowest point of his second term.

Seriously.

Speculation ramped up this week over which ranking administration official would go next and the money is one DUI hire Kash Patel.

Sorry not sorry.

At the start of the 2026 election cycle, the Senate looked far out of reach for the Democrats though the House always seemed competitive; retaking the Senate would require flipping at least four Republican-held seats—including at least two seats in states Cankles won by double digits in 2024.

In today’s polarized era, Democrats would need everything to break their way and so far everything is breaking the Democrats’ way.

All the more reason to vote; we can stop all this bull shit with Democrats in charge of the Senate and the House.

Get out there and:

Ain't That America XXXIV

What a week … the Bad News is that Cankles five-day war is not in its eighth day and he announced it may actually lasty four months longer before saying he has no idea when it will end. The Good News is that Democrats won several elections last week and Border Barbie was kicked to the curbed .

Now do Pam Bondi!

The DOJ posted FBI interviews with a woman who alleged Cankles sexually assaulted her when she was a teenager after being introduced to him by Jeffrey Epstein. She says that Cankles hit her after she bit his, as Stormy called it, tiny orange mushroom dick when he attempted to force her to perform oral sex.

The President is a rapist and a pedophile. Don’t let it be forgotten.

 

Markwayne Mullin, the new Border Barbie, has an incredible list of qualifications:

His highest undergrad degree is Associate in Construction Technology; he has no law degree; he has no law degree; he has no law enforcement background; he has no National Security experience; he has no security, intelligence or emergency management skills

As I saw on Facebook, how can we expect him to secure the border when he cannot even secure the border between his two first names? And will he have to continue the Secretary’s extra-marital affair with Corey Kewandoski?

PS Please don’t suggest he was named after his two dads because that makes him crazy!

 

The FBI, Homeland Security, and the National Counterterrorism Center prepared a joint intelligence statement to state and local authorities alerting them of a heightened threat due to the illegal war in Iran but after Homeland Security gave the White House a heads-up about the statement before it was set to be released top regime officials ordered it placed on ‘hold’. 

Let that sink in.

 

The House of Representatives killed an effort to rein in Cankles’ illegal war in Iran after voting 219 to 212 to kill a War Powers Act resolution introduced by GOP Representative Thomas Massie and Democrat Representative Ro Khanna.

Four Democrats— Representatives Jared Golden, Henry Cuellar, Greg Landsman and Juan Vargas—voted with the GOP while one other Republican, Warren Davidson, joined Massie, in voting for it. Those four Democrats need to be voted from office in November.

 

Speaking of the illegal war in Iran, the Little Johnson declared the US is not at war even though the Draft Dodger In Chief and DUI Pete say we are at war.

Perhaps Little Johnson had his entire head shoved up Cankles’ ass and not just his lips on the rim.

 

Cankles is not at all concerned about rising US gas prices driven by the illegal war in Iran:

“I don’t have any concern about it. They’ll drop very rapidly when this is over, and if they rise, they rise, but this is far more important than having gasoline prices go up a little bit.”

Once again the rotting fetid corpse in chief says he doesn’t care about the American people and affordability.

 

Cankles also claimed the illegal war with Iran was necessary because that country was two weeks away from having nuclear weapons:

“If we didn’t hit within two weeks, they would’ve had a nuclear weapon. When crazy people have nuclear weapons, bad things happen.”

But remember in June 2025 when Cankles claimed that US and Israeli military actions—"Operation Midnight Hammer"—has "obliterated" Iran's nuclear facilities, air force, and missile industry.

Huh, and then nine months later it was on the verge of creating nuclear weapons.

Someone needs to explain “obliterated” to the dimwit.

 

Just days before Cankles launched an illegal war with Iran, FBI Director Kash Patel fired a dozen agents and staff members from a counterintelligence unit tasked with monitoring threats from Iran because each one was involved in the investigation of Cankles’ stealing classified documents after his first term in office and taking them to Mar-illegal.

That’s the FBI under Patel.

As for the upside …

The regime seems to have abandoned its attempts to impose potentially crippling executive orders against law firms that refused to capitulate to Cankles, walking away from its appeal of victories the firms had won against the White House.

DOJ lawyers told the US Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia that they were no longer interested in pursuing the cases and were voluntarily asking the court to dismiss them.

Later, Cankles appeared to have changed his mind, however, because, well, Epstein.

 

Texas state Representative, and Democrat, James Talarico won the state’s primary to become the Democratic nominee for U.S. Senate in an effort to flip Texas Blue.

 

Democrat Alex Holladay won a Republican-held seat in the Arkansas state House last week marking the ninth time Democrats have flipped a district from red to blue in a special election since the start of Cankles’ second term.

 

The matchup is set in North Carolina’s crucial Senate race, with Democratic former Governor Roy Cooper and former Republican National Committee chair Michael Whatley winning their primaries.

Democrats are confident that Cooper will be a formidable candidate after he won races for governor in 2016 and 2020 even as Cankles carried the state.

 

The DOJ, after Cankles ordered an investigation into whether former President Biden broke the law in using the autopen to sign presidential documents, has announced they are unable to build a criminal case out of this bull shiz.

Go figure.

 

In a defeat for the Cankles Regime  a federal judge in New York ruled that companies that paid tariffs struck down last month by Supreme Court are due refunds.

The federal government collected more than $130 billion in the now-defunct tariffs through mid-December and could ultimately be on the hook for refunds worth $175 billion.

 

Virginia’s legislature has passed a bill prohibiting schools from teaching what it considers to be lies about the January 6, 2021, Capitol riot. Schools must “not describe, portray, or present as credible a description or portrayal of the actions precipitating or involved in the events of the January 6, 2021, insurrection as peaceful protest” and may not “state, suggest, or present as credible a statement or suggestion that there was extensive election fraud that could have changed or actually changed the results of the 2020 presidential election.”

The president is a liar, is basically what they’re saying … cuz it’s true.

Cankles was at Dover Air Force Base Saturday for the dignified transfer of the six United States service members killed in Kuwait, and … well, once again, he proved that he cannot handle himself like a decent human being.

As others bowed their heads, he did not; and he wore a white USA baseball cap that he did not take off during the ceremony.

In the photo above, he appears to be playing with his buttons while Melanie is looking for the car because Saks is having a sale, and JD dreams of an evening with Velvet Settee.

This is what passes for honoring our fallen troops killed in an illegal war because the president is a child rapist and a con artist.

What, oh what, can we do …

Bobservations

I don’t really have a Carlos story this week. He’s not amused me with his take on Spanglish … he’s not done any wacky tricks around the house … So I asked him last night if he remembered doing anything crazy or wacky or silly in the past week so I could write about for my blog and he said …

“Just tell your people that I didn’t do anything stupid or crazy or nuts this week and I’m sorry.”

And I replied:

“Don’t be sorry, what you did just now is perfect.”

Oy, the looks from that man.

Here’s a Tuxedo Says from September 2021 …

With all these state legislatures trying to pass these voter suppression bills, they are the perfect place to start voting out the RepubliQAnons.

And from the looks and results of the elections the other night, this may be the year it works!

A co-worker was speaking with a female client the other day and I turned to another co-worker to say:

“Now this is coming from a homosexual so there is nothing sexual about it at all, but that woman is absolutely beautiful.”

Later in the day a former NFL player and resident of Camden came into the office and I spoke with him for several minutes. After he left I said to a co-worker:

“Now this is coming from a homosexual so everything about it is sexual, but that man is absolutely beautiful.”

That explains everything.

Bernie Sanders is proposing a bill to raise $.4 trillion in taxes from America’s billionaires, a move that would cut their fortunes in half with a chunk of that tax money going toward $3K stimulus checks to everyone making under $150K annually.

See, if a 5% wealth tax had been imposed on Elon Musk in 2021, he would be worth $365 billion instead of the $834 billion he’s worth today and yet would still be the richest man in the world and yet every senior would have dental, vision and hearing under Medicare.

Works for me.

Just a heads up, but since Cankles started his illegal war, the DOW is crashing so shouldn’t we haul Pammy Jo Bondi’s ass back to Congress since NOW she can talk about the Epstein Files?

PS I just read that Congress subpoenaed Bondi to testify again!!

Please note that entering America illegally is a misdemeanor while sexually abusing a child is a felony.

We are putting the wrong people in cages.

Conservatives won’t ban assault weapons that kill people, but they will ban vaccines that can save people’s lives.

The nation’s blood is on their hands.

I have a math question that I am trying to answer and maybe y’all can help:

If Congress had any balls at all and subpoenaed Cankles to testify in an open-door hearing on the Epstein Files, how many diapers do you think Cankles would go through in the first hour?

If every person who has attended or plans to attend a No Kings March votes Blue in the midterm election Congress can be retaken.

Think about that and doublecheck that you are registered to vote well in advance. 

Hiago Paulino is a model from Brazil and I imagine that’s all Maddie need know so the rest of us should be happy about that, too … Would You Hit It?

Bobservations

Carlos was talking about his former job working with the Hispanic community, the unhoused community, and the local schools to talk to kids about drugs and drinking and smoking.

Well, one day he and a few women on the staff went to a local middle school for an anti-drug program but before they got started there was a woman there selling faces creams for blotchy skin and under eye bags and tiny wrinkles and before you could, ‘Wait one damn minute,’ Carlos was slathered in creams and potions and lotions, none of which worked.

I asked him why he did it, and he said, wait for it, the ladies made him. Then I reminded him of that one word in the English language that might have saved him:

“No.”

“But you don’t know these women!”

Oh Carlos … and then he told me there was a picture of him covered in lotions and potions so I am on the hunt for that!

This Tuxedo Says is from August 2021:

"Once again Tuxedo has proven that, like his two Dads, he has zero fucks left to give to these anti-masker, anti-vaxxer loons."

And it wouldn’t be lost on Tuxedo to note that the MAGAts have no problem with ICEstapo masking up and murdering people and arresting children.

I forgot to mention that this month in my household is called Fuckuary as it is the month where my mother passed away February 17 2007; my Aunt Pam passed away February 14, 2009; my sister Jeri passed February 15, 2014; my father passed away February 1, 2024;  and while some of you may not count your pets as family, I do, and so ... The Great Tuxedo passed away February 15, 2023.

I don’t enjoy February Fuckuary.

A veritable who’s who of who’s that was the “celebrity” guest list for the premiere of Melanie’s “movie” at the Kennedy Center:

Daytime TV host has-been Dr. Phil; Dr. Mehmet Quack Oz; rapper Waka Flocka Flame; social media magician Pete Anthony Sciarrino III; Fox “News” host Maria Baritomo; Jordan Belfort, the serial fraudster. And then you have the people forced to show up lest Cankles go off like DUI hire Pete Hegseth; Second Lady Usha Vance’ Attorney General Pamela Jo  Bondi, FBI director Kash Patel; and heroin addict RFK Jr.

Sounds abysmal, doesn’t it?

I needed a palette cleanser after that last bit so here’s a photo of the flotation devices my neighbors have at their pool.

Keep in mind that the DOJ arrested journalists Don Lemon, Georgia Fort, Jamael Lydell Lundy and Trahern Jeen Crews; all people of color; all journalists covering a story.

Who has not been arrested by the DOJ are Jonathan Ross, who shot Nicole Good four times, once in the face, and ICEstapo agents Jesus Ochoa and Raymundo Gutierrez who shot Alex Pretti as he laid on the ground dying.

Down in Texas of all places Democrat Taylor Rehmet has flipped Texas Senate District 9 Blue, pulling off a major electoral upset in a district Cankles won by 17 points in 2024.

It’s coming … the Blue Wave!

Fox “News” host Bullshit Barbie AKA Kayleigh McEnany is pushing for Melanie to win an Academy Award for the documentary “Melanie: From Whore House to White House.”

In addition to seeing Melanie get an Oscar, McEnany claimed Melanie would outshine everyone in attendance at Hollywood’s most glamorous event:

“If she was to go, she would be the best dressed and the classiest dressed by a long shot.”

Bullshit, Barbie.

Damian Baugh  models for most of the top agencies when he isn’t foraging wild mushrooms for his mushroom business—seriously—and hoping to create his own fashion line, so with all that, Would You Hit It?