Ain't That America XLI

His ego inflates with talk of ballrooms and arches and god statues while his approval rates drop lower than his IQ. His minions circle the globe to say stupid things and he keeps taking dementia tests.

Oy, what a week …

This week the Gang of Six Racist and Stupid Supreme Court Justices dismantled the Voting Rights Act, actually saying that the racial gap in voter turnout has closed.

Which explains why many states in the South are now trying to redraw their Congressional maps to make everything all-white. As soon as the ruling came down Tennessee’s GOP-controlled legislature redrew the congressional district of Memphis, which has long enjoyed its own Democratic-leaning House seat and split it into three GOP-leaning districts.

If you don’t think this is a racist attempt to keep Black Americans from being represented in government, answer me this: would you choose to be Black in America today knowing what’s happening?

 

The British energy giant Shell reported robust profits following the surge in oil prices prompted by the Cankles war with Iran. Shell’s adjusted profits soared 24%, to $6.92 billion, in the first three months of the year from the same time last year.

Well, Big Oil and billionaires are certainly being paid handsomely by the war while the rest of America suffers. If only there was a way to stop this bull shiz …

 

Last October the Cankles Regime abruptly stopped paying third-parties for medical care provided to detainees in ICEstapo custody; third-party providers are used to provide “medically necessary” care including “dialysis, prenatal care, oncology, [and] chemotherapy” but no more of that for detainees; they can suffer and die, I guess.

 

Senate Republicans want to provide the Secret Service with $1 billion for “security adjustments and upgrades” related to the construction of Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Ballroom™.

Yes, it was supposed to be built and funded without taxpayer money and now the GOP wants YOU to pony up your share of a billion dollars for a ballroom no one other than the Pedophile In Chief wants.

 

The Department of Education opened an investigation into Smith College, an all-women’s institution in Massachusetts, for admitting transgender women.

The move is the latest by the Cankles Regime—whose rhetoric has frequently included attacks on trans people—to limit, and more likely end, transgender rights in America.

Ten years after celebrating his caucus victory at the Iowa State Fair, GOP Nutbag and Senator Rafael Cruz returned to Des Moines fueling chatter about a potential 2028 presidential bid. Cruz told the audience that the GOP is “winning historic victories” under Cankles’ second administration but failed to name one.

He also made no note of the fact that not only do Democrats despise him, so does the majority of the GOP so his little trip to Des Moines was a waste of time.

He should have gone to Cancun again.

 

Transportation Secretary and reality show “star” Sean Duffy blamed to collapse of Spirit airlines on both President Biden and former Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg.

But Sean? Moron? How do you explain that you opposed bailing out Spirit Airlines saying there is no need for a federal bailout of any low-cost airline.

Sounds like another GOP liar.

 

The current US Senator from South Carolina, and former Miss Cotton Ball Queen 1924, Miss Lindsey Graham wants to arm the Iranian people to fight the Iranian government:

“I love the idea of empowering the Iranian people with weapons, a Second Amendment solution to make the Revolutionary Guard’s life hell. It’s one thing to be bombed by America. It’s another thing to have your neighbor shoot back at you because they’re tired of being slaughtered.”

Siddown, Sassy, and pour yourself another Mint Julep you ignorant fuck.

 

Health and Human Services Secretary, heroin addict and collector of raccoon penises Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is demanding hospitals stop serving sugary drinks and foods, including Jell-O.

Calley Means, one of Kennedy’s top lapdogs, is asking members of the public to report hospitals for their Jell-O usage because that’s so important … not the measles or the hantavirus.

It’s Jell-O.

 

Real estate magnate Steve Roth is standing strong with fellow billionaire Ken Griffin in his spat with New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani for suggesting billionaires should pay their fair share in taxes; Roth thinks the ultra-rich should be “praised and thanked” and also said this:

“I consider the phrase tax the rich … when spit out with anger and contempt by politicians both here and across the country, to be just as hateful as some disgusting racial slurs.”

Tax the rich is the new N-word, y’all.

 

This week Secretary of State Marco Rubio made the following statement about Iran:

“This is an international waterway; no country can control them. There is no international law that allows you to say, I’m going to put mines in an international body of water, and I’m going to blow up ships that don’t listen to us and try to go through. We cannot live in a world where a rogue state like this Iranian regime is allowed to claim, as a new normal, control over an international shipping lane.”

He’s right … but then since September last year, the US military has conducted 47 strikes on civilian marine vessels travelling in the Caribbean Sea and eastern Pacific Ocean, leading to over 190 deaths.

Maybe you should zip it, Little Marco.

A towering, gold-leaf statue of Cankles’ was unveiled with great fanfare at Cankles’ National Doral golf course, in a dedication ceremony that included a prayer from a MAGAt pastor even though Alan Cottrill, the artist behind the statue, called the whole thing a “clusterfuck”:

“I usually deal with people that have everything organized. From the start, this was chaos … and almost never, anytime whatsoever, does anyone miss a payment.”

That wasn’t the case with the 22-foot statue as demands to nix his vagina neck, AKA turkey neck, requests to make the model look, um, not so fat, and late payments soured Cottrill on the deal.

And when it went up his minions circled round and prayed while God was watched.

She was not amused at the false god idolatry.

 

Cankles once again went off script to brag once again to brag once again to brag about passing a test meant to detect cognitive decline linked to dementia:

“I’ve taken three. No president, think of this, has ever taken one.”

To be fair no other president has ever needed one, but then Cankles said the best thing ever, that he takes the test whenever someone calls him a moron.

Testing is a 24/7 gig at the Cankles White House.

PS The test he described―the Montreal Cognitive Assessment―is not an intelligence test but an exam to detect the signs of cognitive decline.

Why is he taking it so much? Asking for a country.

Violent crime in New York City remained at historically low levels through April, with the Bronx recording some of the steepest declines and department leaders said they are hoping to build on that progress ahead of the summer, when crime typically spikes as more people gather outdoors.

NYPD Commissioner Jessica Tisch said the crime declines are the result of a policing strategy focused on using data to remove illegal guns from the streets and dismantle violent gangs and criminal groups.

Huh. Removing guns, you say.

 

Americans are deeply uncomfortable with recent religion-related statements by Cankles and DUI Hire Pete Hegseth. In fact, 87% of Americans have a negative view of Cankles’ social media post appearing to depict himself as Jesus and 69% dislike Hegseth praying at the Pentagon for “overwhelming violence of action against those who deserve no mercy.”

When you allow rapists and drunks who cannot quote a favorite Bible verse or refer the Bible According to Pulp Fiction, you’ll have these issues.

 

Days after suspending Louisiana’s US House primaries, GOP Governor Jeff Landry is facing mounting backlash from residents in the form of a recall to remove him from office.

Good. His racist ass needs to be removed.

 

Madison Sheahan, a former top official with the ICEstapo, has lost the Republican primary in Ohio’s 9th district as what some see as a sign of how unpopular ICE has become amid an aggressive immigration crackdown in Cankles’ second term.

Good. Keep all these bigots and racists and criminals out of office.

And how do we do that …

Ain't That America XXIX ...

I have decided to simplify the “Ain’t That America” posts by giving you what amounts to a headline, along with my personal thoughts about said headline. It’s quicker for me to post a few bullet points and quicker for y’all to read, so let’s go …

What better way to get the media and your enemies to stop talking about you raping girls on a tropical island than by invading another country.

Remember when the GOP went after Putin for invading Ukraine without cause but stayed silent when America raided Venezuela for the same reason last week? It’s not drugs or terrorism; it’s oil and money and greed.

If you needed proof that former news network SeeBS has flipped to the MAGAt side, note that the White House gave them the scoop on the illegal attack on Venezuela.

Candace Owens says it was the Jews who orchestrated the attack on Venezuela because Candace is an anti-Semitic lunatic.

Cankles now says the US will “run” Venezuela. Funny, because he is running America into the ground so I guess we can see the future of Venezuela.

Miss Lindsey Graham pulled her head out of Cankles’ ass long enough to call the attack on Venezuela “amazing”  and says Cuba should be next.

Pammy Jo Bondi praised Cankles for his “courage” in sitting in the White House and ordering American military men and women to put their lives on the line in Venezuela while he stuffed his gullet with McDonalds.

Senator Tim Kaine says he will force a Senate vote on Cankles war powers, though the GOP—still Carrying Cankles’ water—will fight that.

Most of the world has denounced America—and Cankles—for the attack; that ain’t America when most of the world comes for us.

One MAGAt Republican Thomas Massie claims Cankles’ threat to Iran is just like Venezuela: it’s about oil and money. One smart Republican who isn’t afraid to speak the truth.

It seems that both Cankles and the Couchfucker claim the attack on Venezuela was because they had “stolen” our oil with no explanation of how it was done … maybe it was that giant invisible pipeline Venezuela built in Alaska to funnel oil to South America when no one was watching?

The Wall Street Journal poked Cankles for going TACO on another round of tariffs.

The Democrats vow to campaign on the expired Obamacare subsidies and the idea that a great many Americans will see their health care insurance rates triple, but, hey, there’s oil to be had in Venezuela.

Tommy Tuberville, GOP clown, and many in that party, melted down over NYC Mayor Zohran Mamdani taking the oath of office on the Quran. Funny they had no trouble with a rapist, pussy grabbing pedophile swearing on the Bible.

Cankles says White House doctors say he’s in “perfect health” which explains the near constant medical procedures, the MRIs and the rotting flesh on both his hands, as well as those elephant ankles.

And Lastly, because this is funny and stupid and scary and all the things, but Chief Justice of the Supreme Court John Roberts is now calling for judicial impartiality. It’s kinda late, you traitorous prick.

And now you know, so … 

The Funny Papers

Clay Bennett, Mike Luckovich, Clay Jones, Nick Anderson, Ann Telnaes, Ward Sutton, JD Crowe, Jeffrey Koterba, David Horsey, Ed Hall, Kevin Siers, Christopher Weyant, Jack Ohman, Michael de Adder,

On This Date In ISBL History: What About Here?

As Carlos and I are in sunny Miami for business and pleasure, I thought I’d do something I’ll call “On This Date In ISBL History” and repost some things from back when the blog was new, and newish … this was originally published January 12, 2010:

What About Here?

I'm going to say this straight out: ever since the White Man arrived in this country, we have been fucking the Native Americans. Which is something we do quite well; we befriend; we offer help; we make a suggestion. And before you know it, we have your land; we have your goods; we have you.

The Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota, in the U.S. of A. is home to an estimated 45,000 Oglala Sioux on more than two million acres. Sounds nice. Room to roam; wide open spaces. God's country.

Not so much.

Unemployment stands at 80%. There are a minimum of fifteen people per home. Life expectancy ends at about age fifty. And while the Pine Ridge tribal housing authority receives some $10 million a year from Congress, it's not enough to maintain those few existing homes, much less build many new ones. One-third of homes on the reservation do not have electricity or running water.

What they have done, however, is to build a 280-cell jail to replace the old 25-cell one. So, if you're living with fourteen other people in a house with no water or electricity, get yourself arrested and move into some news digs with all the amenities. If you're young and living on the reservation you don't have the option of college or trade school; most young people end up joining a gang or the military or bootlegging; the reservation is supposed to be dry, but alcoholism is rampant

Youth suicide is on the rise.

Tribe president Theresa Two Bulls is also contending with startlingly poor health for young and old reservation residents alike; half of the Oglala Sioux over 40 have diabetes and the infant mortality rate is three times the national average.

President Obama has acknowledged the hardships facing Native Americans and vowed to do something, but with this economy and the fight for health care reform, will he find the time or the political capital?

"Few have been more marginalized and ignored by Washington for as long as Native Americans, our first Americans. I know what it means to feel ignored and forgotten, and what it means to struggle. So you will not be forgotten as long as I'm in this White House."—President Obama, at the White House Tribal Nations Conference.

We've heard those words from him before, regarding the LGBT community

Theresa Two Bulls has long harbored a conspiracy theory about the government: 

"Look how they brought welfare and our people lived on welfare and some of our people don't even know how to work. They're used to just staying at home all day, watching TV and drinking and taking drugs. That's the state the government wanted us to be in and we're in it."

We came here, and stole their land.

We came here and murdered them.

We came here and robbed them of their homes and their dignity and their livelihood.

That is not America.

If you want to know more about how we've treated Native Americans, please read Peter Matthiessen's In The Spirit Of Crazy Horse.

Things haven’t changed in the seven years since this post. We are still stealing lands from Native Peoples; we are running oil pipelines through their sacred burial grounds, through their properties; we are endangering the very existence of these Native Americans by treating them as if they, their lands, their idea, their lives, don’t matter more than a barrel of oil.

The Funny Papers

Clay Bennett, Nick Anderson, David Horsey, John Cole, Mike Luckovich, Sean Delonas, Jack Ohman, Chan Lowe, Mike Smith, Jim Morin

The Funny Papers

Clay Bennett, Michael Ramirez, John Cole, Bob Gorrell, Jim Morin, Steve Benson, David Horsey, Bill Day

Today In Hypocrisy: Exxon CEO Comes Out Against Fracking Because It Affects His Property

Rex Tillerson is the CEO of ExxonMobil, and, as part of his job — for which he is paid over forty million annually — he promotes hydraulic fracturing, or fracking, a controversial drilling technique which may contaminate water supplies, deplete fresh water from the ground, degrade air quality and even cause earthquakes.

But hey, it’s a job and, again, he makes millions doing it so what does he care, right?

Oh, but Rex Tillerson does care, y’all, because his own $5 million property value might be harmed, and so ExxonMobil CEO Rex. Tillerson has joined a lawsuit that cites the dangers of fracking in order to block the construction of a 160-foot water tower next to his Texas home. Fracking is good when it makes money to line his pockets; fracking is bad when it comes to his neighborhood.

The water tower in question would supply water to a nearby fracking site, and the plaintiffs — including Tillerson — argue that the project would cause too much noise and traffic from hauling the water from the tower to the drilling site.

Now to be fair, and we’re always fair here at ISBL :::snicker::: while Rex Tillerson’s name is on the lawsuit, his lawyer says Tillerson’s main concern is about the devaluation of his property, not fracking … specifically. 

But what makes me giggle is that, while acting as Big Oil CEO, Tillerson touts the virtues of fracking, and lashes out at its critics and proponents of regulation, but as a homeowner of a multi-0millioin dollar property that is located near a fracking site, he is less than thrilled.

Isn’t it funny, or hypocritical, or pathetic, or sad, or infuriating, that this rich mother-effer can endorse fracking when it affects you and me, but when it comes near his house suddenly its bad? It seems to me Rex Tillerson, by virtue of adding his name to this lawsuit, has become the most outspoken critic of fracking, and thereby the most hated enemy of, well, Rex Tillerson.

On a funny side note, Congressman Jared Polis has extended a welcome to Tillerson to join the fracking critic club:

“I would like to officially welcome Rex to the ‘Society of Citizens Really Enraged When Encircled by Drilling’ [SCREWED]. This select group of everyday citizens has been fighting for years to protect their property values, the health of their local communities, and the environment. We are thrilled to have the CEO of a major international oil and gas corporation join our quickly multiplying ranks.”

Rex Tillerson; corporate greed at its worst, with more than a soupçon of hypocrisy thrown in. Still, I hope he starts buying bottled water, and shoring up the manse against any tremors.

via Think Progress