The Funny Papers

Randy Bish, Max Espinoza, Deb Milbrath, Trevor Irvin, Gary Huck, David Horsey, Daniel Boris, Clay Bennett, Nick Anderson, JD Crowe, Marc Murphy, Michael de Adder

Bobservations

Carlos is headed to an HIV conference in Columbia this week and will stay in Columbia from Thursday until Saturday. As he is the one who makes the Café con Leche for breakfast I suggested before he leaves on Thursday that he makes two Café con Leche for my breakfast on Friday and Saturday; and then he asked me:.

“Are you helpless?”

“The question is are you helpful?”

I need to go so I can practice the espresso machine …

This Tale of Tuxedo, with a special appearance by Consuelo, is from March 2011 and is entitled Tuxedo Caturday:

I LOVE that face!

We were worried about Tuxedo getting on with Miss Consuelo Jones when she came to live with us.

He was leery of MaxGoldberg when Max first came along--though they are best buddies now.  He was also leery of Tallulah when she first moved in and is still leery of her now because she's one crazy bitch. 

So, when Consuelo arrived, ee watched him, but then he started playing with her and chasing her and letting her chase him; it's like he's her big brother.

Just adorable.

Dolly Parton passed away Tuesday at the age of eighty; a good long life, I’d say.

Years ago, living in California, some friends and I were at South Lake Tahoe doing a wee bit of gambling at Harrah’s. Dolly Parton was performing there and by chance we checked on tickets and were able to see her, She was sweet and funny and bawdy and sassy and just all the things you thought Dolly Parton would be.

Sidenote: when I was living in California several friends and I went up to Lake Tahoe to gamble and drink and party. While in the casino we learned that Dolly Paron was performing that night and we scored some tickets. I had never seen her before, wasn’t what I considered a big fan, but she was fabulous and all of the things you realize that she has always been. It turned out to be one of the great shows.

RIP, Dolly, and Thank you.

The fact that Hakeem Jeffries legitimized Jared Kushner, who has earned upwards of $2 billion from Saudi Arabia, through a secret meeting to find 'common ground' should mean he has no future in politics.

He is untrustworthy if he does anything other than hold that family and every single con artist in that mob, accountable for their crimes.

There was a lady in one of those red hats behind me in line at the grocery store, talking obnoxiously loudly on her phone:

“I just got into Game of Thrones. I just started Season 4.”

I paid for my groceries, looked back at her and said:

“Jon Snow kills Daenerys and Anya kills the Night King. Have a good day.”

It’s the small victories, you know.

PS Anyone who knows me knows this isn't true as I have never seen Game of Thrones. I just stole this from Facebook!

I’ve been saying it for a long time and now I need y’all to step up: It’s time to eat the rich because everything else has salmonella. 

Country singer Kacey Musgraves used the opening night of her “Middle of Nowhere” tour in Chicago to raise awareness for children affected by immigration enforcement by asking fans to support the Young Center for Immigrant Children’s Rights. She described the effort as a humanitarian issue rather than a political message.

Of course, the MAGAts came for her because she used her platform to try and do something good for children whose family members have been disappeared.

But good on Kacey for taking this stand … Dolly would be pleased.

Manuel Zares, full name Manuel Cañizares, is an up-and-coming Spanish fashion model. He has green eyes and brown hair and is roughly 6’1” tall but may be a young one in his early twenties … still, Would You Hit It?

Bobservations

Last weekend we had a lawn service come out and give the back yard a refresh, trimming trees, cutting branches back, shaping hedges and holly bushes and the popcorn tree. The workers are all Latino so Carlos was walking them around the yard telling them what we wanted done and he didn't know I was there. 

At the side yard, under the trees, was our Pet Cemetery and I heard Carlos telling them that the big stones under the trees are cat and dog graves and not to remove those markers. But when he mentioned Tuxedo, whom I buried under the trees and then placed a rectangle paver over him, he told the men not to move the paver because that was the grave site of, as Carlos said, “El gato más espectacular de todos los tiempos” or “the most spectacular cat ever.”

All the times that Carlos poked at me for my love of The Great Tuxedo and now he says this.

I love that man.

This Tale of Tuxedo is from June 2010 and is entitled “Artist’s Model”:

"Years ago, in San Francisco, a friend and I stumbled upon a cool little furniture store in the Mission, where I saw this piece of wrought iron sculpture called "Twisted Kitty."

I bought it instantly.

This morning, finding Tuxedo on the floor, I wondered if, in one of his Nine Lives, he'd been the inspiration."

Tuxedo was a lot of things but he was most definitely bendy!

Sam Neill, star of the original “Jurassic Park,” died Monday at 78. His death came just two months after he announced he was cancer-free following his battle with non-Hodgkin lymphoma. 

I had a crush on Sam ever since I saw him in “Dead Calm” with Nicole Kidman. As both a younger man and an older man he was always a most handsome fella.

RIP

Lindsey Graham has barely boarded the Handbasket to Hell and already the South Carolina Sludge™ is eyeing his seat … Nancy Mace, whom the entire state just said “Oh Hell no” to when she ran for governor is lurking around, and so is Nikki “I am the Queen of Flip Flopping” Haley.

Oh, and Cankles wants Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent, a native of South Carolina, to run for the seat and at least with him you’d be trading one sold-his-soul-to-the-Devil closeted gay man for a sold-his-soul-to-the-Devil out gay man.

Dear goddess, let’s get Democrat Annie Andrews into that office!

Remember married Kristin Cabot, the woman caught on camera at a Coldplay concert making out with her married boss, on the Jumbotron?

Well, I guess her fifteen minutes of fame wasn’t enough for the boss’ sidepiece and Kristin is now telling anyone who will listen that Coldplay frontman Chris Martin never reached out to check on her.

Oh Kristin, go sit in a corner and think about what you’ve done, and then get a real life.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, if football players dressed like this I might be more interested in watching them, um, “play.”

In a Sunday night Truth Social post, the 80-year-old demented man in the White House claimed that his approval rating was ::: hold for laughter ::: “59 percent” and that “prices [were] coming down along with the lowering of oil and gas.”

Seriously? Could anyone in DC get the straitjacket and haul this doddering old rapist off to the Nut Barn?

Atila Escolano Sanchez is a Spanish male model and musician based in Madrid, and is also an avid trail runner so, if you could catch him Would You Hit It?

Bobservations

We all know I have many … MANY … Husbands-In-My-Head but this is a tale about Carlos’ boyfriend.

When he and his family moved in behind us we struck up a n over the fence friendship and when Carlos asked me to describe the husband I said he was bearded and beefy and dirty, because he works with his hands. That intrigued Carlos so I began calling the new neighbor Carlos’ boyfriend and saying things like:

“Your boyfriend is outside.”

“Your boyfriend is working in his shed.”

Your boyfriend is mowing his yard.”

This week the neighbor was using a small tractor to grade his property for better water drainage and I said to Carlos:

“Your boyfriend is outside on a tractor. Maybe if you’re nice he’ll let you take a ride.”

“I don’t want to ride on a tractor.”

I smiled:

“I didn’t say anything about a tractor.”

I’m fun.

This Tuxedo Says is from July 2012 …

Can you imagine Tiffany testifying? 

I mean, she’d probably admit that Daddy kidnapped the Lindbergh baby if it saved her ass.

Actor and director Rob Reiner and his wife Michele, a film producer, were killed this past weekend by their own son, Nick, who had a history of substance abuse issues.

But this isn’t about that.

Rob Reiner starred in one of the most iconic TV shows of all time, All in the Family, and went on to produce and direct such films as This Is Spinal Tap, Stand by Me, The Princess Bride, When Harry Met Sally…, Misery, A Few Good Men, The American President, LBJ, and The Story of Us among others.

But this isn’t about that either.

At a time when many people in this country stood against LGBTQ+ rights and marriage equality Reiner cofounded the American Foundation for Equal Rights, which funded the legal fight against Prop 8, the California ballot measure that revoked marriage equality in that state.

When two same-sex couples—Kris Perry and Sandy Stier, and Paul Katami and Jeff Zarrillo—sued over Prop. 8 after they were denied marriage licenses, the American Foundation for Equal Rights hired lawyers Ted Olson and David Boies to argue the case against Prop. 8.

U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker ruled in 2010 that Prop. 8 violated the U.S. Constitution while California state officials in two consecutive administrations declined to defend Prop. 8; in 2012, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit upheld Walker’s ruling and the following year, the U.S. Supreme Court let that decision stand.

Reiner likened the Prop. 8 case to the landmark civil rights case Brown v. Board of Education, which determined that separate is not equal:

“We don’t believe in separate but equal in any other legal position except this. We feel that this is the last piece of the civil rights puzzle being put into place.”

And he continued to be an ally; at the Human Rights Campaign’s Los Angeles dinner in 2019, he spoke out for LGBTQ+ equality, saying:

“We have to move past singling out transgender, LGBTQ, Black, white, Jewish, Muslim, Latino. We have to get way past that and start accepting the idea that we’re all human beings. We’re all human beings, we all share the same planet, and we should all have the same rights, period. It’s no more complicated than that.”

At a time when the courts, the state legislatures, and our own Congress were standing against equality Rob and Michele Reiner stood up for simple equality, for all of us.

That’s what this is about.

Thank you, Rob and Michele, for taking up the fight, for standing by us, and with us, and with anyone who’s ever been considered less than in America.

RIP

I just saw the photos Vanity Fair took of Cankles staff, unretouched photos, and the right is calling it an act of sabotage. I say, Good for Vanity Fair, showing that his team is rotting right before our eyes.

Claudio Breitscheidel was born in Southern Germany to Polish immigrant parents who wanted to model after seeing an ad on television and two weeks later he was walking in Fashion Week. He moves fast, so … Would you Hit It?

Bobservations

The other night as we ate dinner, the kids of the family who live behind us were playing in their yard, and as kids do there was a lot of shrieking and screaming and laughing and yelling which spurred Carlos:

“I’m going to call over there and ask them to quiet down those kids.”

“No you are not. When I was that age [and these kids were 12 and 10 or so] we used to play with our friends and scream and shriek and yell.”

“Well, I don’t like it.”

“That’s because when you were an only child and at that age you were probably wearing a tutu and giving a piano recital.”

His sly smile told me I was probably correct.

This Tuxedo Says is from October 2020:

Tuxedo has discovered Twitter and really enjoys finding people’s Tweets and sharing them. This is one of his Favorites …

The owner of an Idaho bar and restaurant plans to host a two-day “Hetero Awesome Fest” outside of the state Capitol in Boise in June to coincide with LGBTQ Pride Month because there is no more oppressed group in the entire world who need a celebration to stoke their egos than straight people.

I may start a GoFundMe for them, but I’ll call it a GoFuckYourself.

After that last snippet, I’m’a need me some Summertime Beach Cakes to cleanse my palate.

Let’s try this again … because of the tariffs there are fewer ships arriving from China which means less work for dock workers … for truck drivers … for retailers and fewer dollars circulating.

It’s a cascading effect and will affect all of us.

RuPaul’s Drag Race icon Jinkx Monsoon, left, is eligible to be nominated for a Tony Award in the category, “Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Musical” for her performance in the musical ‘Pirates.’

Yes ma’am.

On the flip side, we lost the wonderful Jiggly Caliente, right, AKA Bianca Castro-Arabejo this past week.

May I call you Jiggly.

RIP

This is model Brennan Aldred and I don’t know how old he is or where he’s from or much of anything else so we’re flying blind here but: Would You Hit It?