Would You Hit It?

It's a simple question .... pop singer, and serial bathhouse visitor, George Michael.

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No?

I Ain't One To Gossip, But....

Oh, it simply isn't a good week unless Lindsay makes the news.
And she has, by starring in a Direct-To-Surveillance Video production of Did She Or Didn't She?

It seems that Kamofie & Co--where Lindsay ALLEGEDLY stole the necklace, that she gave back ten days later just as the police were coming to search her house for it--has sold the surveillance video that shows Sticky Fingers Lohan leaving their store without, um, well, paying for everything.
A source--and by source, I mean Lindsay's fence--says: "The jewelry store wanted a bidding war to maximize profits."
And apparently Entertainment Tonight had the maximum cash.
And this little bit of news is two-fold--good and bad--for Machine Gun Lohan.
On one hand, it is just another bit of embarrassment for the serial rehabber, drug addict, carjacker and kidnapper.
But, on the other hand, it doesn't look good for the prosecution when the jewelry store makes a profit off the ALLEGED crime.
So, some are saying Bugsy Lohan just may have gotten a break.
Another one.

There are reports coming from across the pond--that would be the Atlantic Ocean for some of the less worldly readers--that George Michael's partner Kenny Goss has left the singer.

Sources--and by sources I mean the guys kept on retainer for keeping George out of the public restrooms--say that Goss, Michael's partner for more than 15 years, has finally had enough of the singer's troubled lifestyle, like his drug problems and his serial cruising issues.
George Michael, in a kind of Lindsay lohan sentence, served 27 days of an eight-week sentence for crashing his car into a photo booth while under the influence of marijuana.
And that last incident might have been the coke straw that broke the camel's back.
But all may not be lost for the happily gay duo.
It seems that George Michael is taking a page from another druggie's handbook--that would be Charlie Sheen--and going on radio to say that he and Kenny are fine, and still together. He also Tweeted--because that's the new thing--that the reports of the Goss/Michael split are untrue: "Would someone Tweet 5wrightstuff and tell them the Sun is lying through its teeth as usual."
Michael later on called into the show to personally say that the story was untrue: "It is complete b******t about myself and Kenny breaking up. Don't believe this story. We've had our problems, but he's never had a problem with my lifestyle. I love Kenny very much."
Kenny, however, has no comment.

NeNe Leakes is one mean bitch.
First, she ended the season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta with yet another big fight with castmate, and fake boobery, Kim Zolciak.

Then she took aim at her co-star on Celebrity Apprentice, Miss Star I'm a lawyer! Jones.
And she's taking her feud to every TV show imaginable, in what I call The Charlie Sheen Syndrome.
On The Talk, which is a knock-off of The View, the show that knocked Star Jones off TV in the first place, NeNe said: "Star's not nice. I believe...that anybody who has ever worked with her would side with me. She's not a nice person. She's a witch...with a 'b' in front."
NeNe then goes on to say that, in her usual way of being all sweetness and light, when she first joined Apprentice, she went to dinner and lunch with Star--grrrrrl, you know Star just loves to eat--and even double-dated with Jones, because she had "no preconceived notions" and "wanted to get to know her."
Now she says Star is a "back stabber."
Hearing the word stab being bandied about, Star Jones ALLEGEDLY hired security to protect her.
And bring her sammiches.

Another of those "real" housewives, Jill Zarin, of The Real Housewives of New York, is now saying that her friendship with Bethenny Frankel, played out for three season on the show, was really not a friendship at all.

Which explains why, at the last reunion show, Zarin cried and begged Frankel to be her friend again.
Now, Zarin calls it a "TV romance" that went bad.
Jill Zarin: "The truth is, I don't even remember being friends with her anymore. You know, when I see her picture and when I see her on TV, I don't even remember our relationship. Which kinda says something."
Yeah..................about you and your idea of friendship.
The duo's "friendship" went up in flames last year on RHoNY, no doubt helped by Jill Zarin's obsession with Bethenny, even going so far as to break the news of Bethhenny's pregnancy before Bethenny even had the chance to do it herself.
Jill now says she's fine with the non-existent-friendship-that-never-was: "People thought we came into the show with that romance," she said. "We didn't. We fell in love on TV and we got a divorce on TV."
And please don't make anything of Jill's latest revelations coming just as RHoNY is about to start it's first season, without Frankel.
Yeah......no jealousy there.

Oh, Nicky.

A mere three months after being videotaped going Charlie Sheen outside a nightclub in Romania, Nicolas Cage was once again involved in an incident at a New Orleans bar and had to be escorted back to his hotel.
It seems that police were called to upscale restaurant Stella on Chartres Street night after a window was broken, and, upon arrival, authorities determined that Nic should be escorted back to his hotel for his "own safety."
The police say: "We can confirm that we did respond to an incident at that location on Friday night at around 10:45PM and that Mr. Cage needed some assistance to go back to his hotel. A window was found to be broken at the restaurant, but the owners decided it was an internal matter and that they would handle it."
In other words, don't give any bad press to Nicolas Cage.
He's a big star. He was in Moonstruck and.....and.......and........anyone?

You know , sometimes you ought to just cut your losses and walk away.
Or, if you can't, well, then, just walk away.
You've all heard the drama about the $65 million Broadway production Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, right? Accidents? People falling from the sky. Broken bones. Concussions.
And that's just at the ticket booth.
I kid.

Well, Julie Taymor, the Tony Award-winning director of the The Lion King was essentially a fail-safe to lead the biggest musical production in Broadway history. And with a score by living rock legends U2's Bono and The Edge, the show's destiny as a wild success seemed set in stone.
A stone falling from the sky.
Now the production is practically bankrupt, there has been one major cast overhaul, five delayed openings, four cast injuries--one nearly fatal--and a slew of scathing reviews.
And the show hasn't even opened yet!
So, ALLEGEDLY, looking for a scapegoat, producers might be willing to let Julie go.
Sources--and by sources I mean the web spinning team--say that negotiations took place this week, which including Julie's request for more control, of rewriting the script, rewriting the score and, again, setting a new date for its release.
But, according to the source, the producers are looking to get Julie Taymor out of there and replace her with........Bono!?!?
Despite admitting the production is flawed, Taymor has asserted that it's headed in the right direction.
Toward closing before it officially opens, I think.

Hey, can't people be addicted to fame? And, if so, can't they get help for it?
Well, apparently not if you're one-half of the White House Part Crashing Duds, Michaele Salahi, who was kicked out of the latest season of Celebrity Rehab when it was discovered that she suffered no addictions.

Well, except for that whole addicted to see her skeletal frame and ratted hair and fat jerk of a husband on TV.
You know, that kind of addiction.
A source--and by source I mean Mackenzie Phillips, who is still in rehab--says Salahi was released from the show as she failed to show any signs of an addiction: "Dr. Drew did a thorough medical examination of her, including a full neurological check-up, and she is fine. Michaele is all drama, that is her main issue."
Ain't drama an addiction?
See: Charlie Sheen.
See: Lindsay Lohan.
The source also claims Michaele was a distraction for other cast members and complained Dr. Drew wasn't properly treating her multiple sclerosis.
Um, Michaele? You bag of rattling fame obsessed bones, he's an addiction doctor, so unless you're saying you're addicted to MS, get the f**k out, and shut the f**k up.
Michaele's husband Tareq "I Wouldn't Know The Truth If It Rode Up To Me On A Polo Pony Drinking Wine From My Vineyard" Salahi says his fame-addled wife only agreed to do the show to get help with her MS: "She was really leaning on Dr. Drew who is a respected doctor to get her through some of the issues after the White House, when she went to Congress, when she went into relapse with her multiple sclerosis. She takes this very seriously."
No, she takes feeding her fame addiction seriously.

Mel Gibson too the deal!

According to sources--and by sources I mean the voices in his head--Gibson has taken a plea deal in his ongoing criminal case. He is said to be making an appearance in court this week and make a no contest battery plea.
That means he did it, but won't do jail time for hitting the mother of his child.
It seems that Melvin had a change of heart about the deal when he learned that Alexander "Sasha" Dalton, the son of Mel's ALLEGEDLY abused baby mama Oksana Grigorieva, was set to testify as the star witness.
As Astro might say: Ruh Roh.
A source--and by source I mean any one of the countless people who been subjected to the abuses of Mel Gibson...and I count myself among them because I say Signs, too--says: "One major reason why this case was being brought against Mel Gibson, more than a year after the alleged incident took place, is because Sasha was made available to testify at a potential criminal trial against Mel. Sasha's involvement and cooperation in the case was absolutely essential, and because he is a minor, both of his parents had to agree to let him participate, and that took some time to make happen."
So, Melvin caved, and admitted he's a spousal batterer to save his Catholic behind from prison where he would no doubt star in Prison Bitch. 

Rihanna has announced that she will not be playing the Whitney Houston role in a remake of The Bodyguard.

Rihanna says she won't take the role because the part isn't challenging enough for her, and plus, she spends most of her time keeping her hair that color of red, and, well, that's more important.
Rihanna also says she would rather escape into a role and not just play a singer: "Absolutely not. I want to separate the two. I hate it when singers do singing movies all the time, because you can never look at them as anybody else."
So, um, that's all good, you know, that she turned down the role, except for that one nagging bit of information she forgot to mention:
No.One.Offered.Her.The.Role.
Yes, she turned down a role that was even hers. And, she turned it down because she wanted to make her big screen debut in, oh, this is rich, Battleship, the movie version of that popular game.
You sunk my battleship.
And ALLEGEDLY, her film career.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

This is rich.
It seems that Lindsay Lohan's people, er, keepers, want her probation revoked.

Now, we all know that Lindsay is currently weaving baskets at the Betty Ford Center and blaming all her troubles on the media, but she will remain on probation for being a wacktress until August of 2011.

Now, her probation could have ended earlier, but there were those two failed drug tests in the first fifteen minutes or so after her release from rehab #6. So, she got a little extra time in the probation area.

And that's exactly why her legal team of numbnuts is hoping that judge Fox will shorten her probation period.

Huh? What? Huh?

See, they hope that by shortening Lindsay's probation period, it will spur the drug addict, alcohol, probation violator, from getting into any more trouble.

Yeah, um, no, See, that's what probation does...not ending probation.
Lindsay's lawyer: "The longer Lindsay stays on probation, the increased chances that she will get in trouble because of problems staying compliant with the terms of her probation."

It's like this: you're a bank robber, you get arrested, tried, convicted, and sent to jail. Then you get probation, but you want the probation lifted because, well, being on probation might make you want to rob another bank.

Seriously, Lindsay's team of wacknuts are saying this.
See, they think that if they take her off probation, and when--not if--she screws up again, she won't receive as severe a punishment as she would have had she screwed up while on probation.

Morons representing morons.

Perez Hilton, the gossip blogger who's made a name for himself with his no-holds-barred style of celebrity reporting, has vowed to change the direction of his website so that it no longer includes material that could be deemed as bullying.

It seems that while in the past weeks, that Perez has been reporting on the rise in LGBTQ bullying and suicides, many have called him out on his own style of bullying.

Perez Hilton: "Over the last two weeks I have been doing everything I can to bring awareness to the teen suicides and gay bullying. In doing so, a lot of people have called me a hypocrite and a bully myself and a big one ... From now on I really want to be part of the solution and not part of the problem."
So, Perez will stop outing people, and perhaps stop calling people "fag"on his blog; he might even stop the vile nicknames and crude drawings he posts on celebrity picture.
I remain leery. Perez Hilton is a media whore and will do anything to get attention, even saying he'll change his ways.
But remember, Perez Hilton is the one who labeled Jennifer Aniston "Maniston"and Lindsay Lohan "Lindsanity". Cute, seemingly harmless, but then Perez Hilton has also outed celebrities because he believes/knows/feels/hopes/dreams they are gay.
Hilton justified the practice by stating that the more public figures who come out as gay the more society will be tolerant of homosexuality; however, he has often dismissed a star's right to privacy as something they give up in exchange for celebrity.
Let's not forget that it was Perez Hilton who forced Neil Patrick Harris out of the closet back in November 2006 after requesting that men who had been intimate with Harris contact him to tell their stories. When NPH heard of Hilton's less than charitable requests, he chose to come out himself.
But it should have been NPH's choice, not Perez Hilton.
Like I say, I remain skeptical.


Police were called to Katherine Heigl's home this week after neighbors complained of the noise being made in her hot tub.
Talk about steamy.

According to sources--and by sources, I mean the minions who serve Heigl--Katherine and her husband Josh Kelley were spending some quality time in their hot tub one night when their next-door neighbor started screaming obscenities at them from over the fence.
Apparently, Heigl and Kelley were making a lot of noise.

Well, rather than, oh, I don't know, Keep it down! Heigl and Kelley had their security people call the police, who came to investigate. Officers spoke to the couple, who were dressed in a bikini and shorts, and Heigl and Kelley told the officers that the neighbor had noise issues with many other property owners as well. The cops determined no crime was committed and left.

Heigl and Kelley then ALLEGEDLY took the party inside.

Apparently, George Michael is taking a page from Lindsay Lohan's book on jail, rehab, rehab, jail, rehab and is on his way to his first stint in rehab now that he's been released from jail.

After serving time in a Suffolk prison for smoking pot and crashing his car into a building, Michael has now been released from jail, and is looking forward to his next batch off publicity with a trip to rehab, saying he needs to get his life "back on track."

George Micahel: "I want to beat my drug addiction and lead a normal life. I don't want to end up back in prison. It's a very horrible place to be. You're not considered a person when you're inside, you're just a number and that freaked me out. I have done wrong and paid my time for doing this stupid crime and I want to get my life back on track."
Hmmm, how Lohan-esque.
Sad to say, however, that george Michael's partner, Kenny Goss, has kept his distance from the troubles singer, and is said to be away, "relaxing."
.
Ian Halperin.
Never heard of him? Me, neither.

Well, apparently he's an author of some sort, who has written unauthorized biographies of people like Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and Michael Jackson, yet it's his latest work that seems to be causing the most drama.
Halperin has written a book about Arnold Schwarzenegger, called 'The Governator: From Muscle Beach to His Quest for the White House, the Improbable Rise of Arnold Schwarzenegger.' It's currently in stores, and available online, though Halperin is finding it hard to get the word out.

Ian Halperin: "I have learned that Arnold's camp is desperately trying to stop the book and obviously they were unsuccessful. And they've tried this in the past to other biographers of Schwarzenegger, they've had a lot of problems. That's what was exciting to me."

But Halperin is not backing down, even though, with his other books, he appeared on FOX, CNN and Howard Stern, to promote them, and this go-round he's being denied access.

Halperin's especially dismayed by Stern's refusal to book him, because every time he has a new gossip tome, he gets about ninety minutes of Stern airtime. But, Halperin is in good[?] company. Kitty Kelley got shut out of a lot of interviews with her book on Oprah, and Andrew Morton, who wrote the unauthorized, authorized, biography of Princess Diana, also struggles to get time to promote his books.

But, he made have a long road ahead of him, The Governor, and his minions, are ALLEGEDLY upset about the tales of Arnold's womanizing past, and perhaps present, and the accusations of sexual harassment that have earned Schwarzenegger the nickname 'The Groper.'

But ALLEGEDLY Schwarzenegger is also upset that Halerpin doesn't show him as a true Republican in the book, saying Arnold's policies and politics do not always align with the parties: "He's clearly not a Republican, ideologically. In the book , numerous people say that he's closer to being a Democrat. The only reason why he's hid behind the Republican shield all these years is because he does believe in free enterprise and getting governments off the back of the people."

Another tidbit from the book? The 'Terminator' star plans to run for President... if he can amend the Constitution, which bars non-U.S. born candidates from seeking the office. And he wants New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg to be a part of his Dream Team.

Halperin dares his critics to prove anything in 'The Governator' wrong.
If I were him I'd be more worried that Arnold would show up at my house and snap me like a twig.

Uh oh, Gleeks.

Sources--and by sources, i mean the folks who clean out Matthew Morrison's dimples--are saying that Puck's absence from the show this week just might become permanent.

Mark Salling has ALLEGEDLY been cut from the show.

ALLEGEDLY Salling's ego has gotten a bit too big for the show, the cats, and producers, and they weren't having it. Salling has ALLEGEDLY been more interested in his own recording and musical career than that of the show, she he was given the ax.

The source--and by source, I mean Sue's tracksuit wrangler--explains:

“Mark has been really focused on his own music and it’s actually gotten in the way of his Glee stuff…His band means the world to him and he thinks that’s more important than the show at this point."

Say it ain't so, Mark. Yes, we have new hottie Chord Overstreet--god, how I love that boy's name--but we need our weekly dose of Puckishness, too.

On the other side of the gossip aisle, sources--and by sources,, I mean the nubile young boys who carry Lea Michele to and from set--are saying that Mark will be back on the show by the sixth episode and his sudden disappearance does not mean he is off the show.

Fingers crossed Gleeks.

First we had Courtney Cox and David Arquette splitting up.

Yeah, I didn't really care either.

 Then we had Christina Aguilera leaving her husband, whose name has always escaped me.

And I wasn't too invested in them either.

But now comes word that Colin Farrell has split from his baby-mama Alicja Bachleda-Curus.

Which I see as kind of good news, and I'll tell you why.

I'm better for Colin that Alicja.

There. Said it.

Colin, come to Smallville and I will make you forget you ever had a baby mama.

Seriously.
Of course, now I hear that Colin is ALLEGEDLY dating British model Agyness Deyn.

Seriously, Colin. I'm here for you. Wake up!

Of course, if Colin won't have me, I might set my sights on one Mister Morgan Freeman.

What's that? you say.

Well, it seems that Morgan's divorce from wife Myrna was finalized last month, and, well, there are some interesting tidbits revealed.

After ALLEGEDLY carrying on affairs with both a former schoolteacher and his his step-granddaughter--ick--E'Dena Hines, Morgan Freeman was ordered to pay his ex-wife $400 million in cash and real estate.

In the settlement, Myrna gets a $7 million house in the British Virgin Islands, a home in Los Angeles and an apartment beside New York's Central Park, the latter of which she is reportedly bequeathing to E'Dena.

Huh? What? Huh? The step-granddaughter is in on this?

Anyway, this is how I see it:

Marry Morgan, let him cheat, divorce him, get millions, and then set my sights on my real husband,Colin Farrell.

I think it might work.

Now, where did I put Morgan Freeman's phone number?

I Ain't One To Gossip, But........

I hate to say I told you so but.......

Lindsay Lohan failed a pair of drug tests this week and it looks like, if the judge is true to his word, that she is going back to the slammer for 30 days.

And hopefully, she'll serve all thirty days and not just a long weekend.

At first, the Lohan camp was denying the failed tests, but then Lindsay herself took to Twitter to confess:

"Regrettably, I did in fact fail my most recent drug test and if I am asked, I am prepared to appear before judge Fox next week as a result.
"Substance abuse is a disease, which unfortunately doesn't go away over night. I am working hard to overcome it and am taking positive steps forward every day. I am testing every single day and doing what I must do to prevent any mishaps in the future.
"This was certainly a setback for me but I am taking responsibility for my actions and I'm prepared to face the consequences.
"I am so thankful for the support of my fans, loved ones and immediate family, who understand that i am trying hard, but also that I am a work in progress, just as anyone else. I am keeping my faith, and I am hopeful….Thank you all!!!

Um, yeah, I won't hold my breath on this one. I imagine Lindsay, on her way to court, will stop by the nail salon and have another message painted on her middle finger.

And, I imagine, that Dina will spin this some way to make it seem like it's anyone's and everyone's fault, except hers and Lindsay.

And then we'll start all over again.

Oh Oprah. Your ego is as big as your waistline.
And, apparently, getting bigger all the time.
It seems that Oprah, the falling star of daytime TV, who is getting out just in time, surprised her audience the other day with a trip to Australia for all of them.
Not, you know, to say Thanks for watching me all these years but rather to say I am the richest woman in the world and none of you can ever touch me.
But it seems that more than $3 million dollars are going to be spent to bring Oprah and zombies to tape a show at the Sydney Opera House, but Tourism Minister Martin Ferguson said the cost is completely reasonable for what they're getting in return:
"This truly represents an amazing opportunity to showcase Australia, the warmth and hospitality of our people and the depth and breadth of everything our country has to offer visitors from around the world. Tourism Australia is finally getting it together. We as a nation will win as a result of this coup. I think it's money well spent."
Tourism Australia is partly financing "Project O," contributing $1.5 million from its current financial year marketing budget.
Isn't it funny how Oprah plays off the "I'm taking you to Australia," when in fact she isn't paying for a thing, and will probably get a paycheck while she's there? And, naturally, as with her infamous "free" car giveaway years ago, her audience must pay the taxes on the entire eight-day trip.
Some gift.
Sidenote:
Australia? Oprah going Down Under. Put another school of shrimp on the barbie.
Girlfriend is hungry.

Shaquille O'Neal is being sued by Shawn Darling, a former employee, for emotional distress, invasion of privacy and racketeering. Darling was employed by O'Neal from 2007 to 2009, and says he worked on several "creepy" projects for the NBA star.
He has ALLEGEDLY witnessed O'Neal hacking into voicemails, use law enforcement contacts to gain info about his mistresses,throw a personal computer with evidence in a nearby lake and conspire with active police to frame Darling for a criminal offense.
Uh oh.
Back in 2008, Shaq styarted having an affair with Alexis Miller--who has her own laqwsuit against O'Neal for harassment and stalking--and Shawn Darling says O'Neal asked him to find every email and text that he sent to Miller. He was then asked to perform a clean sweep of O'Neal's computer, wiping out every trace of Alexis Miller.
And if that isn't enough, Darling's lawsuit ALLEGES that "O'Neal, along with his houseboy Joe Caballero, disposed of the computer in the lake behind O'Neal's house and gave Darling cash to buy another replacement I-Mac."
It got ugly in 20098 when Shaq began another affair with Vanessa Lopez. Shawn Darling tried to warn her that O'Neal was hacking into her voicemails, deleting messages and changing her passwords, and Lopez ran to O'Neal with the story.
Darlind claims that O'Neal then began to send him threatening messages, attempted to break into his voicemail and tried to frame Darling for possession of child pornography with the help of an Arizona detective. His goal was that the computer would be confiscated and the evidence of an affair with Lopez would be gone.
Creepy.

I love adulterers who deny being adulterers and then come out and admit they cheated on their spouses and try to make a case for being liars and cheaters.

Yes, LeAnn Rimes, I'm talking to your sorry ass.

LeAnn Rimes: "I understand why people are disappointed in me, especially since I grew up as America's sweetheart. I think any relationship is hard to get out of, and I don't think the way I did it was right. It wasn't a fulfilling marriage for either of us. As we got older, we grew apart."

First off: America's sweetheart? Honey, please. You're a fourth-rate Carrie Underwood on your best day.

Second off: I'm sick of that whole "grew apart" bullshiz. If you grow apart, then move apart, and file for divorce, and get a divorce, and then schtup Eddie Cibrian all you want...at least after he gets a divorce, too.

But don't get caught cheating and then deny it and then leave your husband and move in with the cheater and then blame it all on growing apart.

The only thing that grew apart was your knees.

Shut up already, because you'll be coming up with a new story when Cibrian cheats on you.

Unless you cheat on him first.

File This Under: I'm Getting A Lawn Chair and A Tiny BBQ and Getting In Line Now.

Cher! The Musical!

Yup, after the fantastic Cher appeared on the VMA's in that glittery bodysuit, at age 64 for the love of Gaga, there have been rumors a'rumbling.

Producer-director-writer Andy Fickman has confirmed that he has a theatrical piece, drawn from Cher's life and career, on the way:

"We'll be making announcements about that project coming together shortly. She's a fairly phenomenal character, Cher -- as a human being I think she's one of the great icons of all time, a force to be reckoned with. The way she looked onstage with Lady Gaga, well, it's one for the books."

Fickman isn't saying much more, but he's said enough for me to be readying a trip to a sidewalk in front of a theater somewhere.

Cher! The Musical!

I wonder how many drag queens it'll take to play Cher through the years!

Well, it looks like it's still going on.

Lindsay Lohan is still crying and whining that she shouldn't have to go to jail for her little indiscretions, and that she's only being punished because she's ,ahem, a star. She is begging the judge to let her out of jail on bail.

Lindsay says........What? I'm sorry? It's not Lindsay this time? Oh.

George Michael? Not Lindsay?

Okay. So, George Michael, who was sentenced to 8 weeks in jail, is the, ahem, star who is desperately trying to obtain a Get Out Of Jail card.

A source--and by source I mean George's roommate Bubba--says:

"George is desperate to get out of Pentonville and still can't quite believe he's there. He's pinning all his hopes on a judge giving him bail."
George feels that the sentencing is excessive and that bail should be set because his jail term could have ended before any appeal is heard. But, i think it's his prior record of drinking and driving and drugging and driving and trolling for meat in public parks that may be the problem that is keeping him in jail for a few weeks.

I mean, it's England, and he won't be doing Lindsay time there. They take criminal offenses seriously over there.

Quelle surprise!

FOX has announced that next Wednesday, American Idol host Ryan Seacrest will be unveiling the new line-up of judges for the coming 10th season of Idol.

Um, yeah, FOX? We already knew this, and we already don't care.
See, it's gonna be Jennifer "I need a career boost because my movies flop and my records don't sell and my husband is a hasbeen" Lopez, Steven "Where am I?" Tyler, and Randy "I'll stay only if you give me Simon Cowell money" Jackson.

Yeah, me, too. I'm done with Idol.

No Simon? No Bob.

No Ellen? No Bob.

No fresh talent? No Bob.

And, sad to say, Idol is opening up the audition process to online performances.

Train....followed quickly by.....wreck.

I am a Real Housewives of New York fan.

And I will not be seeking a Twelve-Step program to save me.

But I don't like the OC wives because they are fake boobs, teeth, tans, and hair, and that much plastic doesn't read well on my TV set. As for the Mafia wives, they are just plain ugly and mean and undeniably stupid. The Atlanta girls are just trash.

Then came the DC Wives. I refused to watch because they promoted Tareq and Michaele Salahi, the White House party crashers and self-indulgent, self-involved media whores.

Well, it seems that Bravo, who thought the Salahi's and their special brand of idiocy would bring ratings to the network, has done an aboutface. The Salahi's are out.

Yippee!

Sources--and by sources I mean the guys who work in the mailroom at Bravo and are kept around to service Andy Cohen--say:

"The DC show is the only show in the entire franchise that isn't a true hit. And the Salahi's are the biggest reason for that. At first, execs thought they struck gold with all the attention the couple got over the White House dinner. But now they realize not all press is good press and this couple's involvement in the show has turned more viewers off than on."
The Salahis are ALLEGEDLY miffed because they say Bravo kept them from talking about being pathetic media whores, and so they refused to attend the Housewives of D.C. launch party, and hosted a competing party the same night!
A fellow castmate--and by that i mean any one of the other bee-yotches who sell their lives for fifteen minutes of fame--says:

"At this point, they are an embarrassment to the 'Housewife' franchise. They are a loose cannon. Now, Michaele has revealed she has multiple sclerosis; next she'll be announcing she is pregnant with triplets to get attention."

Like I said, media. Whores.

Musings

Glenn Beck is saying that if there is any violence coming to America it will be coming from the Left. Those nasty liberals. Well, then, Glenn, put down the hankie and wipe your tears long enough to explain to me why it is that we don't see a single sign, such as the one at a recent Teabagger rally that read, "By ballot or by bullet a change is coming" at any liberal rallies or campaign stops? Why is it only conservative teabagging dimwit illiterate fucktards are carrying the threatening messages, and why aren't you asking them to stop?

I think summer is coming to a close here in Smallville. We are way out of the hundreds and treading dangerously close to the mid-80s. Add to that that it was in the 50s last night, and I had to wear socks to bed so my feet didn't get cold. God, I'm a shawl and a rocker away from being my grandmother.

I saw some of the VMA's the other night. I loved the Lohan skit. But what i don't get is why everyone is bashing her for making fun of her situation, or situations. I mean, how come every comic on TV and every moron with a blog--finger pointed directly at moi--can bash, poke fun, call names, and generally ridicule Lindsanity, but she can't?

Cher. Sixty-something. Fabulousness. That's all.

Lady Gaga. Love her. Love the clothes, except for the meat-fit, that was just gross. But, when you wanna outdo wearing a suit of frogs, I guess a suit of beef is the next illogical step.

Christine O'Donnell handily won the Delaware primary. If you don't know her, she believes you can "Cure The Gay" and is against masturbation, and did a slick job of trying to paint her opponent as gay without actually ever saying it. That's the bad news. The good news is, the Republicans don't want to support this wingnut moron, so it looks like the Democrats will win in the general election. Enjoy your fame while you can, Christine, soon you'll be merely a footnote in the Handbook Of Stupid.

As a glutton for punishment, I watched the season opener of the farewell season of Oprah. The things I do for this blog, but......Girlfriend has gotten fatter. It looked like she'd eaten the Keebler elves out of house and tree. And, of course, the season opener was all about Oprah, and a salute to the fanatics who follow her and weep at the sight of her. I wonder what all these women, and some men, will do, once Oprah hangs up her big girl panties.

And don't get me started on Miss John Travolta. Girlfriend is as big as O, but oh so pasty. And, you'd think if he could afford his own airplane he could afford a better rug. The montage of previous Travolta visits to O'ville, were like a parade of bad hair Club For Men ads. The toupees were different in every one. And the skin goes pastier, and the eyebrows go darker, and the forehead goes smoother, every year.

Newt Gingrich called president Obama a Kenyan. Seriously. This dumbfuck thinks pandering to the lowest of the lowest will aid him in a presidential bid? What would have helped him was not fucking around on wives 1 and 2 with wives 2 and 3.

And what about Glenn Beck and Mama Grizzly Bore with their latest attempt to co-opt a date in American history. First was their little, and I do mean little, salute to faith on the anniversary of Martin Luther King's "I Have A Dream" speech. Who bought that it was just a coinkydink that Beck-and-Bore didn't realize what they had done? Okay, maybe some did, but then when they held another rally on 9/11 and again called it a coinkydink? Really? Let me tell you something you former drug addict turned snake oil salesman and you, you ignorant illiterate screw everyone to get ahead political wannabe, there isn't a person in this country who doesn't hear 9/11 or September 11 and not think about that day. So, if the two of you fucktards really didn't think of it, it just plays into my theory that you are both to stupid to be of any consequence.

George Michael was just sentenced to eight weeks in jail for "drug driving." Lindsay Lohan should be thankful she wasn't hijacking cars, kidnapping people, driving recklessly and high on cocaine in the UK.

Foot-In-Mouth-Disease: A Top Five

It's almost a given that people will say something stupid, and The Advocate has put together the Top 5 Gay Related Gaffes, Goofs, and Dipshits from the Double 0's.

Here we go:

NUMBER FIVE: George Michael on cruising the woods and park lands for sex.

“The handful of times a year it's bloody warm enough, I'll do it. I'll do it on a nice summer evening. Quite often there are campfires up there. It's a much nicer place to get some quick and honest sex than standing in a bar; E'd off your tits shouting at somebody and hoping they want the same thing as you do in bed.”

Um, George, yeah, maybe a little too much information, honey.

NUMBER FOUR: U.S. congressman Barney Frank on the National Equality March.

"I literally don't understand how [it] will do anything. People are kidding themselves. I don't want people patting themselves on the back for doing something that is useless.”

I usually agree with Barney, but this time he was waaaay off the mark. The march was widely seen as a success, from galvanizing the LGBT community, from making a show of who we are and what we want, and, maybe, just maybe, it helped with the passage of a piece of legislation I like to call the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act. Plus, marriage equality became the law of the land in Washington, D.C.

Barney? Sometimes a march is more than a march.

NUMBER THREE: The BBC poll.

The BBC, in talking about the proposed Kill The Gays legislation, put up a poll on its web-page under the heading, Should homosexuals face execution?”

After bringing forth the nutjobs and the asshats, and facing the ire of an enraged world community, the BBC changed its question to “Should Uganda debate gay execution?”

The BBC later apologized for its asshattedness and generally stupidity.

NUMBER TWO: GLAAD staement[s] on the Adam Lambert AMA performance brouhaha.

They first said: "After it was announced that ABC decided to cancel appearances by openly gay singer Adam Lambert on Jimmy Kimmel Live and Dick Clark’s ‘New Year's Rockin' Eve,' the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) spoke with ABC today regarding concerns that Adam Lambert was being held to a double standard."

ABC's respnse to GLAAD staement: 'Given the live nature of the American Music Awards, Adam Lambert’s performance, which differed greatly from his rehearsal, caught many, including the network, off guard. This is not a question of Lambert’s sexual orientation. As is evidenced by GLAAD’s media report card, ABC is at the forefront of positive gay and lesbian portrayal on television. We welcome openly gay performers and look forward to continuing our great work within the LGBT community.'
"It would appear that the kiss between Adam Lambert and his keyboardist did not factor into ABC’s decision, ABC has a history of positive gay and transgender inclusion that includes featuring kisses between gay and lesbian couples on-air."

GLAAD statement number 2: "Since his American Music Awards performance occurred GLAAD has consistently advocated that Adam Lambert and openly gay artists not be held to a double standard. As we have expressed publicly, it is disappointing that ABC will not give Lambert a chance to perform at this time. GLAAD’s discussions with ABC focused on confirming that his sexual orientation was not a factor in their decisions. ABC confirmed this is not about a same-sex kiss or his sexual orientation but about being 'caught off guard.' GLAAD asked ABC and calls on them for clarification on 'caught off guard' so that the community knows why Lambert is being denied the opportunity to perform on the network."

GLAAD statement number 3: "We appreciate ABC's commitment to gay and transgender inclusion in other programming. However, let us be clear that GLAAD remains steadfast in our assertion that Adam Lambert is being subjected to a double standard by ABC as an openly gay performer. We do not support ABC cancelling Adam Lambert's past and future performances. We urge the community to reach out to ABC and express their concerns that Adam Lambert is being subjected to a double standard."

Can press releases be schizophrenic? Apparently, yes.

NUMBER ONE: Dethroned Former Miss California Carrie Prejean and Her Magic Digits.

“I was all by myself. I was sending a boyfriend at the time, who I loved and cared about, a video of me. I was a teenager at the time and never did I ever think it would come out.”

Of course, we all know now that this quote where she's trying to defend her LadyFingers Extravaganza came out just before seven other, more explicit, videos, of The Carrie Prejean and Her Amazing Finger Puppet Show came out.

I love stupid!

source