Random Musings

I am more than a little tired of the shootings-and-murder-and-let-us-pray-ness of the last few days so I’m gonna muse on innocuous things, fun things, cute things, hot things but …

Before I do, I ask that you go HERE … the website for the US House of representatives … and find your representative and send him or her an email demanding that they stop working for the NRA and start working for We The People; demand they do something about these senseless murders, these mass shootings, these acts of home grown terrorism, or you will work as hard as you can to vote them out of office.

It’s just an email … but think what it could do …

Now … on much lighter notes …

Top Chef started up again last night and it looks like the competition will be tough this year. A lot of restaurateurs and executive chefs in the mix … and a lot of egos … and at least one, at least from watching last night, Hot Top Chef Jeremy Ford.

He’s quite good, he seems quite nice, and he’s something yummy cooking in the kitchen.

Last weekend, as we do here at Casa Bob y Carlos after Thanksgiving, we do up the house for Christmas and we decorate the tree.

But this year was different. I was not channeling Martha Stewart, Joan Crawford and Adolph Hitler as we decorated the tree, barking orders about what goes where and how.

Carlos: You weren’t so mean this year.

Bob: I’m just trying to keep quiet.

Carlos: That’s what scares me most of all.

But, what really happened was that Carlos had to run an errand and I decorated the tree by myself which is why it’s lovely and perfect and no one is allowed near it.

We also watched The Theory of Everything, about Stephen Hawking, last weekend. Great movie; Eddie Redmayne was absolutely brilliant and, to be fair, I do have a wee crush on him.

But then, right there, mid-film, comes Charlie Cox as Stephen’s wife’s., er, friend, and, well, Mister Cox … hehe, I said cox … is just delicious.

A quick Google search proved he’s quite delicious.

So, last week we learned that Tim Tebow’s girlfriend, Olivia Culpo dumped him because Tim wouldn’t put out.

Yeah, that’s basically what happened. But, it begs the question of Ms. Culpo:

If you’re dating the World’s Most Famous Virgin then how can you be surprised that there ain’t no nookie?

Uh huh.

This week The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills started up again, and we found that Yolanda Foster is still suffering from Lyme disease. She’s been traveling the globe, taking treatments and medications that aren’t available in this country, to no avail.

And we learned that she was living alone because her husband, musician and composer, David Foster, was touring the country and working on his charity.

I thought to myself, “This marriage is over.”

And the next day, there it was, the divorce announcement. I must be psychic.

I also, while cooking last weekend, caught a little film on TV called The Boy Next Door, starring Jennifer Lopez and Ryan Guzman.

I mostly watched because I am a huge fan of Ryan Guzman’s body of work … okay, maybe just his body … the man has an ass you can bounce a quarter off of but …

I suddenly realized the film, rather than being a drama about illicit sex and a stalker was a comedy because, how else does anyone explain that Jennifer Lopez played a high school teacher.

A high school teacher of literature.

A high school teacher of literature, most specifically Homer.

I kept waiting for JLo to say she thought they meant Homer Simpson.

Actually I kept waiting for more of this ...

Would You Hit It?

Ryan Guzman. He was in Step Up Revolution--never saw it--Pretty Little Liars--never saw it--Always Woodstock--never saw it-- and Beyond Paradise--never saw it.

He's also making news by being in the new Jennifer Lopez movie--which, for some reason, didn't go Direct to Video On Demand--The Boy Next Door--never gonna see it--as her love interest. There's also talk that maybe he's her real life boy.

But that's not what this is about. This is ...

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No. 

I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Paris Hilton is still around, and apparently still buying tiny animals. See, back in September she paid some $13,000 for a Pomeranian puppy that will never weigh more than 2 pounds that she named Prince Hilton the Pom.

But he’s now at full-weight, so Paris needed a new tiny animal to carry around, not like a living thing, but like an accessory … a ring … a coke spoon … something, so she purchased two more dogs — one for her and one for her mom — for $25,000, and named her dog, Princess Paris Jr.

Ritzy name for a tiny dog that will probably be used as some kind of drug mule.

Note to Paris: I bet you could buy a nice dog for, oh say, $500 and then give $24,500 to charity? That thought ever cross your min — oh, never mind.

After The Sony Hack revealed the ugly truth about unequal pay for women in Hollywood, Charlize Theron decided enough was enough, and is insisting that she be paid the same as Chris Hemsworth in their upcoming movie, “The Huntsman” the sequel to Snow White and The Huntsman—which, I guess means Kristen Stewart, who played … and this makes me giggle … Snow White, won’t be back … halleloo!

Back to Charlize, who demanded the same ten million as Chris, saying she has a great track record. Um, okay, did anyone mention Aeon Flux or A Million Ways to Die in the West or Prometheus or Young Adult or Brandon Flowers: Crossfire or Astro Boy or The Road or The Burning Plain or Hancock or Sleepwalking or Battle in Seattle or North Country or Head in the Clouds or The Life and Death of Peter Sellers?

Great track record? Charlize, honey, who are you kidding. I’d pay ten million to see Chris Hemsworth walk across my living room in a fig leaf, but I wouldn’t pay ten bucks to see you ‘act.’

Just sayin’.

Oh goodness, that Kim Kardastrophe never fails to make everything about her.

Last week she and the Mad Man were finally together for a weekend in the Big Apple and celebrated John Legend’s birthday with him.

This picture is how Kim wished her friend a happy birthday: by placing her augmented boobs front and center and shoving the birthday boy to one side where he was almost cropped out.

Big ass, Big Head.

Swifty was at the Globes this week because, well, there are men there and she needs a new boyfriend and some material for new songs, so she wriggled into a gown and off she went.

And she hit the after-parties with new BFF Lorde. But one person she wasn’t counting on seeing … right, Taylor … was Golden Globe nominee and her ex-boyfriend, he of the classic Swifty tune, You’re No Jake, You’re A Rake Who Breaks My Heart, Jake Gyllenhaal.

And Swifty apparently had a meltdown because Jake was in the same room, and was dancing with Rita Ora and then with actress … I dunno who she is … Malin Akerman, then his sister, and then his co-star in Constellations on Broadway, Ruth Wilson.

This apparently sent Swifty into a spiral and an eyewitness — perhaps Lohan, drunk under a bar or something — said, “I saw her grab her friend’s hand and repeat, ‘We have to go. We have to go.’”

The source says Swifty scurried off to the bathroom, where she ran into BFFs Cara Delevingne, Dakota Johnson, and … oopsy … Rita Ora:

“The four girls were together and Taylor was having a mini meltdown. Cara’s arm was around Taylor, calming her down as Rita looked on. They were talking extremely closely.”

She left the bathroom and wandered around the lobby for a hot minute — her makeup smudged — before she and Cara sat on a bench out front.

Oh Swifty? Didn’t you date Jake about ten years ago? I mean, he might have seen you and wondered who you were and why they let an underage girl into the party.

But at least you’ll have something to write in your diary, and a new song to pop out like a bad case of diarrhea.

So, Kirstie Alley is thin again, y’all and has been making the rounds to promote Jenny Craig … again. She went on Howard Stern’s show and talked Jenny … and a lot of stuff jenny may not have wanted her to talk about.

:::cough Scientology ::: cough ::: Leah Remini :::: cough :::

She declared that she is now something called an OT Level VII Scientologist which means no one audits Kirstie, Kirstie audits herself; and also meaning she’s nearly as high-up as Top Tiny Scientologist Tom Cruise, who is at Level VIII. I think Level VII is the Certifiably Insane Level. ALLEGEDLY.

Kirstie also threw shade at old pal, and former Scientologist, Leah Remini. Remini famously left the COS in 2013 after filing a missing persons report for COS head honcho David Miscavige’s wife, Shelley. The report went nowhere because Miscavige was able to halt the investigation by the LAPD and Kirstie went after Leah, though she’s always denied that allegation:

“She left the religion and she was very critical. That’s just sort of water under the bridge. There’s nothing going on and there was nothing going on for years. I didn’t shun her, but if a lot of people are rejecting you, at some point you gotta ask, ‘What am I doing?’ I mean, that’s what I would have asked myself.”

She didn’t shun Leah but a lot of people did? Uh huh. And if a lot of people shun you does that mean you needed to be shunned, or does it mean that a cult wants to distance itself from a member who broke away.

I’d wait for Kristie’s response, but she’s having a sammich and one does not disturb Kirstie when she’s with a sammich.

So, does JLo have a new much younger boyfriend, or is she just dating her The Boy Next Door co-star Ryan Guzman until the movie comes out and bombs and then she’ll dump him?

I mean, she did bring him as her Plus One to the Globes and the two posed together on the carpet, and she introduced him to everybody. And he’d be perfect for her because he’s twenty-seven to her forty-five, so he’s still in Son of JLo age range.

But, is it just me or is something pinging about Guzman? I mean, JLo allegedly has a habit of going for The Gays.

Right, Casper?

Did y’all see Justin Bieber’s Calvin Klein ads where he’s trying to Marky Mark his way into our hearts?

Not working because, even though Marky Mark was kind of a dangerous, criminal type, Justin is more of an egg-tossing, drag-racing wannabe, so, yeah, there’s that.

There is also the fact that the ads were photoshopped to bulk up Bieber’s pecs and crotch, and even though the photos are out there, The Biebs and his team are in suing mode ore anyone who says the ad isn’t all Bieber.

In fact, Team Bieber sent a cease and desist letter to the website that first posted the ALLEGED un-retouched Calvin Klein photo, asking to have the photo removed. His people say the photo isn’t real and, darn it, the picture made Justin cry so y’all just stop it. Now.

On a sicker note, Team Bieber even had Bieber’s personal trainer, Patrick Nilsson, give a statement on how big the Bieber junk is:

“I can definitely confirm that he is a well-endowed guy.”

Wait. A guy is talking Bieber junk? Couldn’t they get a stripper to confirm it? Or Selena Gomez?

Just sayin’.

More trouble over there at The View and this time it isn’t about Whoopi and Rosie O trying to wrestle control over the show from the other.

This time word on the street is that Rosie Perez will soon be out. Or that she’s already gone because she was just sick of that whole toxic environment.

Perez hasn’t been on The View all month because she’s ALLEGEDLY been busy rehearsing the Broadway play Fish in the Dark; Rosie O has been saying that Perez will be out for the rest of the month but will be back next month, though sources — and it could be Lohan angling for a TV gig — say that isn’t going to happen. That source says Rosie P “never got a hang of the show’s mixture of hard and soft news” and she has trouble reading the TelePrompTer … ouch … though a spokeswhore for ABC — and that could be Barbara Walters — says:

 “Rosie Perez is currently in rehearsal for her Broadway play for the month of January. Her status with the show has not changed.”

There is also a rumor that ABC is gonna kill The View to add another hour to the far more popular, and less drama-filled, Good Morning America.

That I can see.

Let’s finish with more Biebs … During his vacation in Turks and Caicos, Justin Bieber ran into Rolling Stone Keith Richards. Justin, who figures himself rock royalty, wandered over to Keith’s table for a drink when, according to a source — possibly Selena Gomez hiding under the table to measure Justin’s, er, inseam, for a tabloid — says:

 “Justin tried to bro down with him.”

To which Richards ALLEGEDLY — though I believe it — said:

“Let’s get one thing straight. You’re a wannabe.”

Better than another group this week, a conservative political group that mistook Justin Bieber for Miley Cyrus.

That’s seriously happened.