It's Snarkurday!

Ouch! When Fadi Fawaz found out that he didn’t make it into his late boyfriend George Michael’s will, he went on a Twitter tear, saying:

“George I hate you.”

He then Tweeted, again, on how George died, speculating, again, that it was a suicide.

Nice. Your love has died, and didn’t leave you anything in the will—George’s cousin Andros Georgiou says the estate was divided up between charities, his sisters, and a couple of his housekeepers—and this is how you act?

Maybe George knew that and that’s why you got zip, zilch, nada.

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In I Need A Silkwood Scrub-Down news … last week Kelsey Grammer appeared on Conan and talked about his tattoo … located just above his old man junk because nothing is cooler than grandpa with a dick tat.

And the tattoo is the name of his fourth wife, Kayte Walsh, who apparently demanded the ink:

“I think it was more, sort of, an ownership thing. My wife said, ‘Why don’t you get a tattoo?’… I guess, maybe, it was based on the idea if ever, I thought maybe a peccadillo outside the marriage, was a good idea. Whoever it might be, would read that this particular piece of equipment was already signed for, and owned, by someone named Kayte.”

Seriously. If Kayte thinks a tattoo will stop Kelsey Grammer, who cheated on his third wife with his fourth wife, from cheating, she needs one on her forehead that reads:

“Vacant.”

Just sayin’.

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We never hear from Charlie Sheen unless he’s pulled a knife on someone or crawled back to rehab or claims he’s too broke to pay his bills.

Ding.Ding.Ding. It’s that last one! Sheen is once again ALLEGING that he is too poor to handle paying child support to both his exes, Denise Richards and Brooke Mueller. He has filed a request with the court system asking to have his child support adjusted because his finances are no longer in the tens of millions and he can’t afford his kids:

“I have been unable to find steady work, and have been blacklisted from many aspects of the entertainment industry.” 

To be fair, as fair as one can be with Sheen, he pays first ex-0wife Denise some $20,000 a month for their two girls, and gives Brooker Mueller about $55,000 a month for their two boys.

I guess boys cost more?

Charlie says he has less than $10 million in the bank … oh the pain … do you need food stamps? Or, better yet, go get a job washing cars, being a pimp, making mochas.

I mean, that’s what a judge might tell any deadbeat dad, much less one with 10 million in the bank.

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Kim Kardastrophe. Plastic surgery addicted homophobe.

It’s true; Tyson Beckford saw a photo of Kim online and suggested that her plastic surgeon biffed her right hip, and then said he’s did not care for women who had plastic surgery. Now, that’s not nice, even if it’s directed at media whore Kim Kardastrophe who just said a few weeks ago that she was easing up on her social media posts and then tripled her posts.

But I digress. Kim saw Tyson’s response and she said:

“Sis we all know why you don’t care for it.”

Media whore. Plastic surgery addict. Homophobe.

Oh, and let’s not forget that this same week, she cheered and when her family said she was so thin that she looked anorexic because, you know, anorexia is a diet.

This bitch.

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Oh Britney Spears … stop talking. Stop “singing” too, for that matter. This past week, while performing onstage at Brighton Pride, BritBrit forgot where she was and turned to a backup dancer to ask:

“Where are we?”

The dancer replied:

“Brighton Pride bitch.” 

Okay, maybe that last word was just me, but then BritBrit shrieked:

“What’s up Brighton Pride!”

Oy.

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Oh, incest is good for a laugh, no?

Former Kardastrophe wannabe—she’s Rob Kardastrophe’s ex—Blac Chyna has a new, eleven years younger boyfriend, rapper YBN Almighty Jay, who recently posted to Instagram that he is Blac’s “oldest son.”

Cuz, you know, incest is a joke.

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More Kardastrophe news? Too bad, you’re getting it anyway …

On a recent episode of Keeping Up With The Kardastrophe’s one Khloé Kardastrophe spurted out some really stupid shiz from that mammoth mouth of hers:

"I was pregnant during this entire season of KUWTK. Some women get “pregnancy lips”. I was one of them. So my lips look crazy and massive. Trust me. I know and I hated it. A lot of wild sh*t happens to your body and face while pregnant. It’s out of our control. Most people don’t have to film during an entire pregnancy so just watch the show and be kind about growing body and lips. Pregnant women should be off limits.”

Siddown.  Cuz if you hated your fat lips, then why all the Instagram photos of you and your lips? Not the baby bump, but the ginormous lips?

Be honest, you took the fat from Kim’s ass and Kanye’s head and injected it in your lips.

Okurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

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Add Kathleen Turner to the list of people who give no f**ks … right alongside one Miss Patti LuPone.

Turner gave an interview in which she tore into everyone from Elizabeth Taylor, Nicolas Cage, Burt Reynolds, the Friends cast, ____, and Hollywood.

She starts off with saying Taylor was all wrong for the role in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof and Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? —roles Turner took to Broadway:

“[Taylor] has a bad voice, badly used. In any case, people are after me all the time to do Sweet Bird of Youth, and I’m like, ‘Enough Taylor shit!’”

Then comes Cage and that weird voice he did in Peggy Sue Got Married:

“It was tough to not say, ‘Cut it out.’ But it wasn’t my job to say to another actor what he should or shouldn’t do. So I went to [director] Francis [Ford Coppola]. I asked him, ‘You approved this choice?’ It was very touchy. He [Nicolas Cage] was very difficult on set. But the director allowed what Nicolas wanted to do with his role, so I wasn’t in a position to do much except play with what I’d been given. If anything, it [Cage’s portrayal] only further illustrated my character’s disillusionment with the past. The way I saw it was, yeah, he was that asshole.”

Next up, Burt Reynolds:

“Working with Burt Reynolds was terrible. The first day Burt came in he made me cry. He said something about not taking second place to a woman. His behavior was shocking. It never occurred to me that I wasn’t someone’s equal.”

And as for that other misogynistic tool, _____:

“He goes to shake your hand and with his index finger kind of rubs the inside of your wrist. He’s trying to do some kind of seductive intimacy move. You pull your hand away and go yuck.”

As for the cats of Friends, where Kathleen played Chandler Bing’s drag queen father; she claims she didn’t exactly get a warm welcome from the cast because they were such a little clique and anybody on the outside really didn’t matter to them. When she was asked about their acting talent, she replied:

“I won’t comment on that.”

And then she gave a little gossip, of the Blind Item Variety.

“I’ll give you an example, but you mustn’t include her name. [Very famous Hollywood actress] has played the same role for 20 years. She even looks pretty much the same. She’s probably one of the richest women out there, but I would shoot myself if I were like that, only giving people what they expect.”

Sounds a little Julia to me.

Gosh, I’d love to sit in the shade and sip some tea with Turner.

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I Ain't One To Gossip, But ....

What is a cracktress to do when her representative, probably sick and tired of covering her drinking, drugging, driving, thieving, ass up and quits.

Well, we’ll have to see what Lindsay Lohan says because the man who tried to cover for her, from way back before her first stint at rehab, Steve Honig, done quit!

And it turns out it was all over tension with Lindsay’s dad.

Michael Lohan butted heads with Steve in the weeks leading up to his original Recipe™ intervention, but things got heated over the weekend, when Steve released a statement saying Lindsay’s management team had nothing to do with Michael’s plans.

Michael flipped out because, well, that’s what he does, and called Honig a “f**king liar” in a text message which made Steve pissy and he threw in the towel.

A towel ALLEGEDLY stolen from the Chateau Marmont, I’m guessing.

Honig, though, now says us he didn’t quit purely over Daddy Blohan, adding, “Michael wishes he were that important.”

Now what’s Lindsay gonna do the next time she runs someone over, or gets kicked out a hotel, or arrested?

Call her mommy and daddy?

That’s crazy talk.

More Blohan dramz.

Rumor has it that OR™ is, ahem, “careening toward financial ruin” by making stupid business decisions and recklessly stashing her money in unsafe places, like Mama Dina’s pocketbook.

Lindsay’s daddy, Michael, says Lindsay flew out to L.A.—right after the LimoGate brawl with her mama, DinaDrunka—in order to attend a launch event for a drink called Mr. Pink. Michael claims Lindsay was paid $150,000 for the event, in cash, and then she gave the money to her brother Michael Jr. to hold in his bank account for safe keeping. Daddy Michael is worried that Dina has access to that account, and a liquor store bill in the amount of 150K that is long overdue.

Lindsay’s lawyer, Dave Feldman, is outraged, outraged I tell ya, for not looping him and her business manager in to the Mr. Pink transaction in order to provide her more financial protection. In text messages to Daddy Lohan, Feldman calls Lindsay stupid—so harsh—for not including her management team on the Mr. Pink deal because—Dave says—they could have gotten her even more money for the job.

And more money for Dave, of course. And Michael and Dina.

Enablers all.

Imagine for a moment that you are Tom Cruise.

What do you do when your third wife publicly dumps you? Do you pick yourself up, put your lifts back in your shoes and keep trucking? Do you file a millions of dollars lawsuit against anyone who calls you, um, ALLEGEDLY gay or ALLEGEDLY  a bad Daddy?

Or, do you ALLEGEDLY  head out to be to nightclubs and maybe check your son Connor’s latest DJ gig like you at London hotspot Chinawhite? Perhaps hoping that your son can hook his fifty-year-old daddy up with the future ex-Missus Movie Star.

ALLEGEDLY.

According to Star magazine—that bastion of professional journalism—Tommy has been seen in nightclubs everywhere his son DJs, cozying up with some of Connor’s club buddies; he was even seen “flirting” with busty Playboy twins Carla and Melissa Howe, who were also recently photographed with, in-need-of-a-Silkwood-scrubdown, Russell Brand.

An insider—and it might ALLEGELY be Suri because she has only one parent now …. ALLEEGDLY—says,  “Tom is looking for a beautiful brunette between the ages of 23 and 30. You would think he’d have the confidence to land any woman he set his sights on, but any man’s game would be a little rusty after five years of marriage.”

So he tags along with Connor and flirts with Playboy “models”.

Midlife crisis?

Or mid “wife” crisis.

ALLEGEDLY.

Speaking of Playboy, Kelsey Grammer was on daddy duty over the weekend, so instead of hiring a babysitter or having a nanny, he and the missus—that gal about town, former flight attendant and gold-digger, Kayte—went to the Playboy mansion Halloween party and brought their three month old daughter in a bassinet with them.

I guess you’re never too young to have your Daddy take you to a Playboy party, and sources say Baby Faith was safely tucked into a bassinet right beside Kelsey as he whooped it up with fellow Upstanding Citizen Paris Hilton, who, may or may not, had cocaine in her cooch, because that’s how she rolls.

A Playboy Playmate Tweeted: “Why the fk does Kelsey Grammer have a newborn baby at the Mansion party!?!?!?”

Well, a Kelsey spokes-tool answered that question: “I am not sure why this is a story. People have taken their infant children out with them since the beginning of time. They didn’t stay long, and left before it got too noisy.”

My mom took me out when I was a wee newborn. Maybe to the store, or a doctor’s visit, but not to a Halloween Party at the Playboy Mansion.

She waited until I could walk up to the bar and order her a drink before she did that.

That’s parenting.

But, not to be outdone by his spokes-tool, Kelsey popped up to defend himself: “Kayte is breast-feeding and we do not have a nanny or a trusted babysitter at this time, so Faith goes everywhere with us. We enjoyed the party with a few of our friends, the baby slept as her ears were covered the entire time and we left shortly after midnight.”

Kayte went as a bitch, oops, typo, witch, while Kelsey went as Dracula and Baby Faith went as a Baby in need of Child Protective Services.

Oh dear.

Once a porn star always a porn star.

Kim Kash Kow Kardashian, who rose to fame on her knees in a porn video she tried to stop from being released, and then finagled a deal worth millions when it was released, may have a new sex tape being issues.

And this time, Porn Kim, with the Blow Job Lips and the Booty For Days, is said to be pocketing $30 million.

Her parents must be so proud; one, rolling over in his grave, and the other, taking her 10% as Kow’s manager and pimp.

This new tape is actually an old tape—heretofore unseen—where Kash Kow and her pimp, Ray J, do the nasty, and the nastier.

 “It’s definitely Kim in the video,” a source—and you know it’s Kris—said. “And it’s even raunchier than her last one. There are all kinds of eye-popping moments.”

Who cares if you can make a million off of it?

That’s all Kash Kow wants. Money.Moneny.Fame.Money.

Okay, I loathe Taylor Swift.

I loathe her music. I loathe her aw shucks, who me, she ain’t fooling anyone attitude. I loathe the way she serial dates—and you know she serial schtups—all kinds of celebrities, or famous rich kids, so she can break up with them write a catchy ditty and pocket a mint.

I mean, isn’t that her career path?

But now it seems that Taylor Swift and her latest “beau”, boy Conor Kennedy, have split, and it seems Conor did the dumping. Even after Taylor spent millions on The House Next Door. Conor was ALLEGEDLY freaked-out by Swift’s “OMG. I.Love.You.” schtick and called it quits.

But, not to be outdone, because she has scads of break-up songs to write and sell, Taylor claims that she did the breaking-up, though, really, does a stalker ever truly bend the relationship without having to go to jail?

Just sayin’.

So, Jessica Simpson’s daddy is a homo.

Who knew?

I did. Joe Simpson had the Gay written all over him, and you could tell he got his girls into showbiz because then he could wear flashy glows, tan all die, and keep himself blond and Botoxed without too many people getting any wiser.

And now it seems as if the fifty-something, married former-preacher, was having an affair with a 21-year-old hustler. Joe’s wife, Tina, found about hustler, Bryce Chandler Hill—and maybe some other nubile boys—after finding “modeling shots” of Bryce around the house. She noticed that some of the photos were taken inside her own home.

Ick.

A source—and it’s probably Ashlee, lip-synching the gossip—says, “Joe got busted after Tina found some modeling pictures of Bryce in her home. They were taken in and around the house and she was suspicious because she didn’t have a clue who the boy was. Joe and Tina …. Had a make or break vacation booked in Hawaii, so she didn’t ask Joe any questions at that point. However, when they returned to Los Angeles Joe bizarrely got on a plane to New York, just six hours after they had landed in California. She thought it was suspicious [and] sent Joe a text message asking if he had anything to tell her. She quizzed him about Bryce but he denied knowing the kid …. She flew to New York to make an unannounced visit to Joe. When she got there, she called him down to the lobby and they thrashed it out. It was there and then that Joe confessed he was having a gay affair with Bryce, who had left the hotel just days earlier, and Tina demanded a divorce.”

And she may get half his money, though not any of the ALLEGED $1.5 million he spent wining and dining and, well, you know, Bryce.

Again.

Ick.

Random Musings

First off, forgive the couple of reposts--though not the one for Mom's birthday, because that one will come back every year--but I've been a little under the weather of late. 
Queasy stomach and absolutely no interest in writing anything I'd even want to read, and reading nothing that i would want to talk about.
Even the political world isn't holding my interest these days.
Thankfully, this post basically writes itself.
Hopefully tomorrow will be less queasier and more fresh.

The Jetsons are fifty!
I was never a cartoon nut, and am not really fond of cartoons today. I'm old school: Looney Tunes, The Flintstones and The Jetsons

I can't believe they're fifty!
And I still don’t have a Flying Car or a Robot Maid.

But my car is called a Saturn, so there's that.
And, well Carlos does clean the bathrooms, so………
Still, Spacely Space Sprockets hasn't commented on my resume.

So last week Paul Lyin' Ryan spoke to the AARP’s National Annual Conference in New Orleans and, as he likes to do, he attacked President Obama's Affordable Healthcare Act for taking $716 billion out of Medicare—even though these are the exact same cuts Lyin' Ryan proposed in his own budget.
See, if Ryan wants the cuts, it's good, but if Obama wants the cuts, it's bad. That's how Paul Ryan works. But the audience wasn't playing that day, and began booing when Ryan spoke; some channeled their inner Joe Wilson and shouted "liar" at Ryan, while some told him to "go home" and others simply walked out rather than listen to Paul Ryan spin yet another lie. Like when he said his proposal would offer seniors a voucher, despite previously claiming, “you can call it a voucher” and then claimed, in another lie, that it was similar to the health care program for federal employees.
The man doesn't know the truth. He doesn't speak the truth. He knows it and we know it, but rather than boo him for lying, make a point not to vote for him in either of the two campaigns he's running; send him home to Wisconsin instead of letting him keep his job in DC.
We don't need a liar like Paul Ryan anywhere near the White House.

This season we have two new gay shows on TV, both comedies. One is The New Normal, which does tend to play up stereotypes but has also tackled homophobia and racism in some interesting ways.

The other new show is Partners, which details the relationship between two best friends, one gay and one straight. It was cute, but I felt as though I’d seen it before.

Oh, yeah, it was called Will & Grace. See, this show is kinda what would have happened if Will had decided to be straight—after all he was so-not-gay for years on W&G—and married Grace. And then he and Jack opened up an architecture firm.

Michael Urie is Jack, David Krumholz is Will, and Sophia Bush is Grace. Throw in Brandon Routh as Jack’s dimwitted nurse boyfriend and you have a new show.

Oh, yeah, Partners was created by the two men—one gay, Max Mutchnick, and one straight, David Kohan—and they say it’s based on their relationship. Which was also turned into Will & Grace?

Show of hands, who’s ready for a nice drama about a gay couple? Why is gay always played for laughs? Or tragedy?

Well, well, well, if it isn’t Mitt Romney.

I thought I smelled magic underwear and regret.

It seems that Mittsy’s campaign is $11 million in debt even after it borrowed $20 million in August to pay for expenses before it could tap into general election dollars.

The National Review Online has the story:

"Before the Republican National Convention, Mitt Romney was the Republican nominee in all but name. By law, however, he could only spend primary donations until he officially became nominee. To increase cash flow during the interregnum, the Romney campaign borrowed $20 million."

A senior Romney aide told NRO that they collateralized the debt with $20 million of general election funds already in the campaign's bank account, which is permitted by Federal Election Commission rules.

But, in order to compete with President Obama, the senior aide continues, Mittsy's advisers could not sit on their hands until they were able to use general-election funds. To be fair, $9 million has been paid back. Five million was paid back before the end of August and an additional $4 million has been paid back in September, but when federal election reports are released later this week, they'll show debt of $15 million, but the campaign's actual debt is roughly $11 million.

Mittsy will start fundraising to pay off the remainder.

This is the man who says he can fix the economy. The man who runs his campaign into debt.

I am not a fan of Piers Morgan, who took over for Larry King, after King retired from 200 years in the interview biz. Piers is a bit full of himself, which was evident when his show first started and he announced that Madonna was banned from his show because.....well, he never really explained why.
Maybe it was her fake British accent.
Now Piers has banned another guest from ever appearing on his show--at least until he needs a ratings bumps--and that man is Kesley Grammer. But at least this time Piers gave a reason.
Grammer walked off the set of a planned interview, even before it began, because Piers' people showed a picture of Grammer's ex-wife, Camille, in the opening moments of the show.
See, Kelsey's a douche and never mentions his ex-wife, and mother to two of his children, by name, though he talks about "that person" incessantly.
But i guess seeing her picture sent him over the edge.

After the premiere of Modern Family, I decided to stick around and watch the premier of The Neighbors, the story of a human family who moves into a community where everyone else is an alien. 
And not the kind from south of the border, but the kind from, somewhere, out there.
It was stupid. Eight-and-a-half minutes in.......Click.

Oh yeah, The Emmys.
Jon Cryer? Outstanding Actor? Seriously?
Onstage he said he was stunned, and the entire audience nodded in agreement.
Jon Cryer. Outstanding actor.
Really?
Jessica Lange winning for her role in American Horror Story kinda made up for that mess.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But ....

It seems like we go about a month or so without any Lindsay Lohan stories, and then, well, she probably gets all mad that she's not being discussed, or disgusted, and goes all drunk and jewel thief and stuff to get her name back out there.You just know Mama Dina taught her right: all publicity is good publicity. So, here's some more Original Recipe Lohan™:

It seems that when Lindsay was filming the sure-to-be craptratsic Liz & Dick for Lifetime, the production team borrowed Elizabeth Taylor’s actual trailer that was, ALLEGEDLY, specifically built for her hen she filmed Cleopatra in 1963.

Wait. They gave Lindsay a fifty-year-old trailer and that's supposed to be a good thing?

Anyway.....a fan of Elizabeth Taylor bought the trailer for $50,000, but as part of the sale,  she had to lend it to the Lifetime production for a week so they could use it for filming, but when the trailer was returned, it had been Lohan-ed, er, trashed.

Fox Studios spent some $75,000 in 1963--about a half a million in 2012 bucks--to create a suitable place for Taylor to shag Richard Burton while filming Cleopatra. It had actual columns inside, and the walls and ceilings were hand-painted in the style of Cleopatra’s era. But, Angel Alger, the Taylor fan, who bought the 38-foot pink travel trailer for $50,000--her life savings--back in June, says she only had two days to enjoy it before it was delivered to Silver Screen Pictures. 

“I was specifically told that it would come back in pristine condition and in even better condition than it was at that time,” Alger said. But then Lohan got hold of it, and when Alger saw it again in July, she was devastated to see damage she estimated to be at least $100,000. There are cigarette burns on fabric, furniture and even a portrait of Taylor. Some dishes, a mirror, and glasses were broken, but what’s worse, is that an antique European rocking chair that Taylor sat in after filming every night is missing.

Criminal say what? Something that was left in a room with Sticky Fingers Lohan went missing? You don’t say! So who trashed Taylor’s trailer?

“Only a psychotic and rebellious person...would steal irreplaceable museum belongings and leave it in this vandalized condition,” Alger said. Sounds like Lohan, no? And Alger suspects Lohan because a studio employee told her the cracktress and her mob used it every night after filming, though she says she cannot prove it was Original Recipe Lohan™.

Lohan’s publicist said there was no way Lohan, who he said worshiped Taylor, would ever destroy anything connected to her. You know, like Lindsay wouldn't steal a necklace, but did, like Lindsay wouldn't drive drunk, but did, like Lindsay doesn't do drugs, but does.

Like Lindsay.

And there's more on Lohan.

Remember last week when I told you she was booted from the Chateau Marmont for not paying her room bill, and her cigarette bill, and her liquor bill, and her Bill bill--he's a male escort who may, or may not, have schtupped Miss Lohan.

Okay, I may have embellished that last part.

Anyway, Lindsay, who never met a lie she didn't want to tell--seriously, Mitt almost considered her for Veep because she can spin a tale--is saying now that, in her cracktress head, she thought the producers of her sure-to-be craptastic Lifetime movie, Liz Loves Dick, or something, were going to pay her bill, because she was filming their "movie" at the time.

Lindsay says she was shocked to learn there was an outstanding 5-figure bill in her name, and just as cracked out to find she'd been banned from the hotel when the bill went unpaid. She says she is speaking to the producers and if they don't pay the bill, well, she'll happily do so.

In cigarette butts and empty vodka bottles, I’m guessing.

Only now sources--Hey Dina! How's the chardonnay?--are saying the production NEVER promised to foot the bill, though they did give Lindsay a one-time only, $5,000 advance against her salary in late May so she could move into the hotel, but that was it.

Five-thousand barely covers her cig bill.

So....more Lohan....in an apparent effort to pay the hotel bill, not to mention her round-the-clock attorney and publicist fees, and the astronomical bill for Dina's boxes of wine, rumor has it that Lindsay is now kind of an international call girl.

Hooker, people, hooker.

People are saying that Lohan wants a sugar daddy, and fast, because her bills are mounting and, well, when she gets a check it goes right to booze and cigarettes. So, Lohan has been desperately searching for a “rich older man” to help her maintain her lifestyle after being dumped by her most recent boyfriend, billionaire hotel mogul, and married man, Vikram Chatawal.

A source--Hey Dina! You want some peanut-butter-crackers to go with that wine?--says, “Lindsay got used to living and spending like a big-time movie star, and Vikram helped her keep that lifestyle going. But on her own, Lindsay doesn’t have that kind of money, and she still spends thousands on hair extensions, and several thousand on makeup, fillers and Botox injections and new lips. She’s also a compulsive online shopper.”

See, while Lindsay does make a rather comfortable living--though not at all what she thinks she makes--she spends far more than she earns. Add to that all those legal fees Lindsay incurs every other week when she gets arrested, or even just called in for questioning because someone's iPhone was stolen.

Without a deep-pockets boyfriend, Lindsay is headed for the poorhouse.

Or, well, you knew I'd go there, the whorehouse.

Enough about Lohan; there are other crazy celebs out there to talk about.

Take LeAnn Rimes for example.

LeAnn Rimes was married to an ambiguously gay man when she went away to Canada to film a movie with Eddie Cibrian. The two began schtupping and Eddie dumped his wife and baby-mama and LeAnn dumped her dancer-turned-chef husband.

And began a new obsession with Twitter which apparently lead to her recent announcement that she was seeking treatment for anxiety and stress because she Twit-Fights with strangers all the time and it's just too much.

Now Team LeAnn is trying to spin the story of her trip to Stress Rehab by saying that, maybe, she was being cyberbullied in the Twittersphere. And then came word that LeAnn's team of lawyers--sidenote: being a lawyer for a celeb must be a full time job--was “gearing up to sue the scumbags behind the illegal activity.”

The illegal activity in question is the recording of LeAnn’s phone call to Kimberly Smiley--a call that all parties seem to agree that LeAnn initiated. The lawyers say that LeAnn has been “victimized by a gang of cyber-bullies who have been terrorizing her on Twitter ever since she hooked up with Eddie Cibrian." And so, dim-bulb LeAnn chose to actually call one of the ALLEGED bullies, who, well, recorded the conversation and then spread it around the web for everyone's enjoyment.

LeAnn filed suit for invasion of privacy against Kimberly Smiley and Lexi Smiley claiming that they are “supporters of Brandi Glanville--LeAnn's husband's ex-wife--who “illegally taped a conversation with her and then spread it across the Internet.” 

The suit further claims that LeAnn only called Smiley “in an attempt to stop the negative" activity and that she "attempted to be kind and said she wanted peace.” 

Um, LeAnn? Honey? Nutbag? Start by getting off Twitter, m'kay?

Turn the computer off and have a sammich.

So, Heidi and Seal. I always thought those two crazy kids could make a go of it but they didn't. And now Heidi is seeking full custody of their children because Seal, well, apparently dates now, and used photos of the SealKlum kids in a commercial. Heidi wasn't pleased because she wanted to pimp the kids, probably in Project Runway.

And so Seal, who, I guess, wants joint custody, is spilling some secrets about the marriage now, in an effort to get back at her. He says they divorced because Heidi was cheating with her bodyguard, Martin Kristen, and Seal says he believes Heidi was sleeping with him during their marriage: or, he just wants us to think it.

Seal said: “You know, that’s what happens when people separate. They move on, and that generally means other people in their lives. I certainly don’t expect Heidi to all of a sudden become a nun, but as always, my main priority is the emotional well-being of our children. And to be quite honest, if there is going to be someone else in their lives, I’d much rather it be a familiar face. I guess the only thing that I would have preferred [was] that Heidi would have shown a little more class and at least wait until we separated first before deciding to fornicate with the help."

Ouch. But now he's singing a different tune, telling his friends that the idea  that Heidi Klum cheated on him during their marriage is absolutely false, and, of course, Heidi is maintaining that her relationship with the bodyguard was “strictly professional” while she was with Seal. Now, however, they are ALLEGEDLY “very close.”

She says, of the relationship, “It’s complicated....

Meaning it stars Meryl Streep, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin?

"....This has been a difficult time."

But, this makes it even weirder. Though Seal was on-camera, speaking to a TMZ reporter when saying Heidi was "fornicating" with the help while they were married, now he says he didn't mean to "imply" such a thing.

Honey that was no implication.

And now Heidi will speak:

“I cherish all of the great memories Seal and I created together over the years. Our separation was based on issues between the two of us. Seal has moved on and so have I. My priority has and continues to be protecting and providing for our children.”

But, um, she is dating Martin now.

Not Steve Martin, co-star of "It's Complicated," but bodyguard, Martin Kristen.

Gosh, it is complicated.

I didn't see the interview Rihanna did with Oprah because I loathe O, and I'm not really a fan of Rihanna. But bits and pieces of it invaded the ether around my head and I saw her acting all sweetness and light, and just a plain old island girl who made it big.

Headed.

Rihanna’s been in Europe lately working on her fashion line--hold for laughter because, have you seen how she dresses? Hookers have better taste of on-the-job apparel. Of course, it'll sell, but will also be ultra-trashy, like Rihanna.

Anyway, since Rihanna isn't an all-work-and-no-play girl, she's been making the nightclub scene around London, and, well, just basically making a scene.

It seems Boozehanna sparked fresh fears over her hard-partying lifestyle last week after clashing with bouncers at London’s Rose Club. In front of 300 onlookers, Boozehanna was removed from the club by doormen after jumping on a table in her thigh-high snakeskin boots--Again, she has a fashion line?--and wrecking it, sending glasses flying everywhere; a little like that Drake and Chris Brown nightclub brawl over Boozehanna a few months back. 

One clubgoer said, "They were trying to eject her when her girlfriends starting screaming, ‘That’s Rihanna, you idiots!’

And Rihanna was scuffling with the bounders and telling them to get off her: 

 “Don’t you know who I am?” she shrieked as doormen tossed her ass outside.

"Yes," they said, "a drunken tart."

Okay, that last part was my imagination.

After nearly tossing her drunken ass to the curb, they finally recognized that she was a pop star and not a call girl. The club manager ordered free drinks for the table. 

And a new table, of course.

Last week we heard about Kelsey Grammer and how he will never mention his ex-wife's--and mother to two of his children--name again. He won't mention how she stayed with him for thirteen years and saw him through rehab and off the booze and drugs just so he could start f**king around on her and then play all victim-y and ask for a divorce.

You know, so he could marry his future ex-wife, Kayte Something-Or-Other.

And he was granted a quickie, bifurcated divorce, which means the divorce is granted before the money part is all settled. Which worked out good, because then Kelsey could marry his already pregnant mistress.

Did I mention he's a staunch Redumblican? This explains the boozing and drugging and screwing around, all with a holier-than-thou attitude.

But, anyway, now the financials are all in and Kelsey's ex, Camille, will be pocketing $30 million bucks, plus their house, er, mansion, in Malibu, which she is selling.

I say good for her.

Sere, when Kelsey married Camille all those years ago, before rehab and cheating, he was actually broke. I think all the Cheers money and the early Frasier money went up his nose and not into a bank. But at the time of their divorce, the couple was worth some $60 million and Camille will get half.

Still there are some who say the massive settlement may not be to Camille’s liking because she was, ALLEGEDLY, offered $30 million a couple of years ago and turned it down, hoping to hit the $50 million mark.

Still, there really isn't much of a difference between $30 mil and $50 mil, and, well, the news gets better, in the revenge sense. See, Kelsey and Camille had no prenup, and Kelsey, who apparently never learns a lesson, has no prenup with Wife #4.

So, figure, with his track record, that once he gets his fortune back up to $60 million, it'll be time for another divorce.

Karma is a bitch. So is Kelsey.