It's Snarkurday AND My Blogiversary!

So, on Friday, November 21, 2008, this appeared on the interwebz:

Newbie

I'm new to this blog thing, but I do love to talk and I do have an opinion--hell I have thousands of opinions--so I guess that's as good a place to start. Let's talk about.........Me!

I am a happily-partnered gay male, and I have been with the love of my life for the last eight years. We met online in an AOL chatroom--no, not THAT kind of chatroom--and became IM friends, and then email friends, and then phone friends and then friends across the country and then I went from California to Miami to meet him, and that was that.

A few months later I'd left California and settled in Miami--talk about culture shock! We stayed in Miami for about six years until Carlos--the aforementioned partner--accepted a job in Smallville, South Carolina, and we loaded up the truck and moved to....well, not Beverly Hills, but Smallville. A small town. A cute town.

A town full of nice people who didn't seem at all peeved that the newest arrivals were a couple of mo's from Miami.

That's a start, I think. More to come.....I hope.

And that’s how it all started and here we are today some seven years and 6885 posts later.

Who knew? But enough about me … 

Okay, so Leah Remini’s book about her life in the cult that is Scientology has dropped, and is proving to be quite successful, even without the Tom Cruise juiciness … like how a chipped mug sends him into Joan Crawford Wire Hanger Rage, or how nuts he is about his cookie dough, or how he looks down on Kirstie Alley and John Travolta — difficult, given that most of the planet looks down on Tom … literally; that bitch is short, y’all. 

And Tommy’s probably really upset that his ex-beard Katie Holmes released a statement apologizing  to Leah for pissing her off, but he’s been pretty quiet … except … a source — and it’s probably the minion who didn’t see the chip in the tea cup — says Tommy Grrrl has “freaked out” over Leah trashing him like that, but he probably won’t be commenting and he definitely won’t be doing his Did He Call Me Gay fallback plan of filing a $100 million lawsuit against Remini, he’s just going to label her, as Co$ members do, a “suppressive person” and erase the fact that she’s ever existed from his memory banks.

“He thinks it’s a major betrayal. Leah is what the church calls a ‘suppressive person,’ so she’s evil in his mind. He wipes the memory of any SP out of his life. He’s letting the Scientology people discredit her.”

The only thing Tommy has erased from his mind is that fact he’s a crazy person in the eyes of the world.

Couch-jumping moron.

In ‘Does Anyone Really Care About This’ news Carly Simon has opted to tell us all who the Douchebag is in her song “You’re So Vain.” 

Most people believe that the song is about her ex-husband James Taylor  … or Mick Jagger, who sang background on the song … or her ex-boyfriend Warren Beatty … or David Bowie … or Cat Stevens … or David Geffen, but Carly has refused to give up one name, saying the song is about more than one guy.

But now, because she has a book coming out and needs the press Carly is giving up the name … saying the second verse of her song refers to Warren Beatty. She does say, though, that the other verses refer to two other men whom she won’t name unless this book sells enough and she’s asked to write, and promote, a sequel.

Kylie Jenner, the youngest and least talented — which isn’t saying much — member of the Kardastrophe Klan is planning on going into music now, according to a source, more than likely her pimp of a mother, That Woman, who says:

“Kylie has been in the studio the last couple of months with [her rapper boyfriend] Tyga recording her first song. She plans to debut the single on her app.”

The inside goes on to say that the 18-year-old failed-fashion-designer-turned-failed-fashion-model-turned-failed-Kim-Kardastrophe2.0 “has always been into rap music.”

You know, when she isn’t designing clothes or walking the runway of trying to be her older sister.

Is Amy Schumer a temperamental diva? Maybe so.

Rumor has it that  Schumer pulled the “don’t you know who I am” card at an Equinox gym in New York City when the staff refused to let her in after she couldn’t produce her gym card.

And Amy ALLEGEDLY went off … throwing a “massive fit” and shrieking:

“I know you know who I am, I’m famous!”

Schumer isn’t commenting, especially on Twitter so maybe it’s true ... or maybe it went like this … perhaps Amy thought she was a big enough star that she didn’t need to show ID and tried to waltz past security and not be questioned.” 

And when someone asked to see her pass, she answered:

“I’m famous.”

And now a  spokesperson for Equinox is denying reports that Schumer had a meltdown and says the kerfuffle was “simply a back-and-forth with staffers who didn’t immediately know who she was.”

Well, that sounds like both stories are true, and that Amy Schumer, whom half the country hadn’t heard of last year, now thinks everyone needs to know her name.

Sadly, a lot of people are now thinking it’s ‘Bitch.’

In the midst of nursing back to health her almost ex-husband Lamar Odom, who is still recovering from the seizure he had a Nevada whorehouse after a four day coke-and-prostitute binge, Khloe Kardashian took a minute to appear on The Ellen Show to promote the new book she “wrote.”

I’ll say wrote in quotes because, while I once thought Khloe was the smart Kardastrophe, well, I was wrong, and the evidence was quite clear when, while speaking with Ellen about Lamar, she joked that she’s “part of polygamy now” because she has a husband and a boyfriend — James Harden.

Um, Khloe, you’d have to be married to both men to be “part of polygamy.” As it stands, you’re just kind of a whore.

But then you’re part of Kardastrophe so that makes sense.

When last we heard from Giada De Laurentiis, she was saying she’d never date serial adulterer Bobby Flay because she’s, and I quote, “too smart for that.”

But is she? I mean, she has shed her ex-husband Todd Thompson, and she has moved on to TV producer Shane Farley ... who is still legally married to personal trainer Jennifer Giamo.

While Shane filed for divorce in March 2015, rumor has it that he and Giada began bumping privates back in 2013 when he was set to produce a show starring Giada and Flay. Giada’s rep is naturally now claiming that they didn’t start dating until this past August, though please to explain why Shane moved into Giada’s house right after he filed for divorce in March?

And Jennifer ain’t happy about the shenanigans, even having her lawyer release this statement:

“My client is devastated by what she has learned through the tabloids ... 'Hurtful’ would be a mild characterization. They’re just in the middle of it.”

So, wait, Giada is “too smart” to get involved with serial dater-slash-adulterer Bobby Flay, but moving her new man into her house while he was still married is okay?

Giada’s doin’ a lot more than cookin’ in her kitchen.

Now, since it's my blogiversary, let's end with my favorite Snark Star ...

Lindsey Lohan is at it again, trying to do anything and everything to get herself some attention since she doesn’t actually have a job.

She Instagrammed earlier this year that she might run for president, and I reminded her that whores have pimps not presidents. Then she began flashing a fake engagement ring around town, and we all know it’s fake because johns leave cash on the nightstand not cubic zirconium on your finer.

But this is low even for Lowhan, er, Lohan.

She Instagrammed a picture of herself in what she referred to as “Sharon Tate drag.” Tate, as some of you may remember, was in The Valley of the Dolls and was also brutally murdered, while eight months pregnant, by disciples of Charles Manson.

So, how is this low for Lohan? She posted the picture on Charles Manson’s birthday. Yup, she posted a picture of a murder victim on the birthday of the man who is in jail for murdering her.

Lowhan.

It's Snarkurday!

So, after Blake Shelton up and divorced Miranda Lambert amid rumors that she’s a cheatin’ croonin’ country star, she needed to beef up her image and what better way to get some press than to appear onstage with former country crooner turned pop tart Taylor Swift?

When Swifty’s tour came to North Carolina, Miranda was there, too, and they sang one of Lambert’s hits, “Little Red Wagon.” And it all looked so sweet except … the two are ALLEGEDLY feuding and have been for a couple of years, so it was tense that night, onstage and off … says a source:

“The girls were anything but friendly that night. Miranda was miffed that Taylor flubbed several lines of ‘Little Red Wagon’ and also annoyed that Taylor made her wear a 1989 shirt.”

Taylor Swift is a stylist, too? But I digress … the tension dates back to when the two gals got into a screaming match over a collaboration that fell apart and ever since then they hate each other. Miranda thinks Taylor is fake … you don’t say … while TayTay says Miranda is a mean girl … go figure. So why the concert duet? Damage control.

Since Miranda’s divorce, and the rumors that she’s boning any man and every man that comes within ten feet, her reputation is shot. Cheating boozing lying … maybe TayTay is a career stylist … too?

And speaking of Miranda, let’s jump to Blake Shelton and his new girlfriend, and newly divorced herself, Gwen Stefani.

After finally saying what everyone knew was true — that they were doing one another — the NBC press train … NBC owns The Voice and therefore owns Stefani and Shelton … made it clear that this new romance started after Gwen split from her husband Gavin Rossdale, except … Gavin doesn’t think so.

Gavin’s theory is that Gwen was on the down-low, turning in that chair with Blake Shelton while they were still married because she was afraid a nasty divorce, and rumors of cheating would cost Gwen a boatload of alimony cash.

Of course, maybe he’s just sour graping because of the song she wrote about him after the split … a song that, as I said a few weeks back, was kinda nasty and not really the kind of song a mother would like her kids to hear her sing about their father. And maybe he’s pissy because folks say she wrote it that way since he was ALLEGEDLY doing the down-low thing with Marilyn …

All this cheating makes for a perfect country song … Get to writin’ it, Blake.

I adore Tim Gunn and here’s just one reason … Tim has once again served the tea — a few weeks back he dished all things Anna Wintour — during an interview where he was asked about Kanye West’s latest fashion collection … and we're holding until the laughter dies down … and he replied like this:

“Well, I’m reminded of the words of a very dear friend of mine, former editor-in-chief of Vogue Grace Mirabella. I think they’re a bunch of dumb clothes. Just basic pieces.”

And Tim then decided to add some juice about that whole Kardastrophe Klan and their ALLEGED fashion sense and influence:

“The whole Kardashian clan doesn’t like me, so. There are large issues for me, such as ‘Why? Why?’. When it comes to fashion, I say to people all the time, if you want guidance for your fashion, just consider this: If a Kardashian is wearing it — don’t. I think it’s vulgar. And I just think given the amount of public exposure that the Kardashians have, to potentially be sending a message to people that you too can dress like this? No.”

I image now that Kanye and That Woman have huddled around a cauldron trying to come up with a potion to make Tim Gunn recant …

It must be a slow news day when has-been actor, and bad toupee wearer, Burt Reynolds rises from his crypt to say something nasty about his ex-wife, Loni Anderson — whom he wed in 1988 and divorced six years later. But, Burt decided twenty-one years later was the perfect time to dish about Loni, whom he calls “The Countess”:

“The Countess bought everything in triplicate. China. Diamonds. Designer gowns. She’d pay $10,000 a pop for the dress. And being ‘the Countess,’ she’d only wear them once because, you know, she couldn’t possibly wear a dress after it had been photographed. She’d say, ‘I have to dress like a star, Burt.’”

And, he says, when he gave her an American Express Platinum Card, she maxed out the $45,000 credit limit in 30 minutes.

Wait. It was just 45K? Reynolds spent more than that in 30 minutes on toupee glue.

Ariana Not-So-Grande has kinda become a star rather quickly — I mean a couple of years ago she was just some prepubescent schoolgirl and now she’s a prepubescent schoolgirl with a record deal. And, along the way there have been all sorts of stories about what a bratty diva bitch she is, from temper tantrums to America-bashing to fan-hating to donut-licking and on and on.

And now this; she was supposed to be on The Jonathan Ross Show in Britain, but didn’t show up ALLEGEDLY because a new Krispy Kreme had opened on the corner and she had Maple Glazed to lick.

Apparently her minions, and by minions, I mean her parents because she doesn’t have to pay them, told Jonathan Ross’ people that she was getting in a car to go over to shoot the episode but then she never arrived; and so Ross trashed the petulant little diva on air:

“Ariana is in town. We were told she would be in the car at 6pm to be here for 7pm then it got to 7pm and she was not in the car – 7.30pm and she is still not in the motherfucking car. So I don’t think we can hold out much hope. I don’t know what it is. We are going to give Ariana the benefit of the doubt and not say anything mean or judgmental. I apologise to anyone who might have come along hoping to see her. She was booked but the lazy little fucker has not come. Maybe she has gone to her first Nando’s.”

I imagine now that Arianna has created a Jonathan Ross voodoo doll out of bits of her weave, some donut crumbs, and crusty bits of chicken and will stand outside his apartment wailing like a bird with a broken wing … if she can get there in time.

Robert De Niro is cranky; he’s cranky like “get off my lawn” cranky.

At the Wall Street Journal Innovator Awards in New York last week, a man named Stewart Butterfield — his real name — won an award and during his speech, pointed out all the famous people in the room, and then took aim at De Niro:

"I watched ‘Godfather II’ on the plane ... when you killed Don Fanucci, I liked that."

Robert De Niro didn’t like it, and when he took the stage to present an award to Angelina … need I say Jolie … he went off:

“Whoever the last speaker was ... I thought you were a bit condescending to us actors ... celebrities. I’m gonna go on record with you just to say that. And I don’t give a fuck who you are.”

And then Robert De Niro had Stewart Butterfield offed. Well, maybe not, but he could have; and the lesson is, never speak to De Niro, about De Niro, or look into the eyes of De Niro.

And now for some Food Network gossip … This year ALLEGED adulterer Bobby Flay divorced his wife and ALLEGED adulteress Giada de Laurentiis divorced her husband and the internet went wild that Giada and Bobby would be bumping uglies before the year was out.

Now, maybe not so much. Giada recently admitted on Watch What Happens Live that she would NEVER date Bobby Flay after hot Andy Cohen suggested that there are people out there who want to see these two foodies play hide the chorizo.

“We’re very good friends, we’ve worked for many years together. But I don’t think that’s ever going to happen, because I’m smarter than that.”

So, is she smarter than dating Bobby Flay or is she smarter than telling Andy Cohen, who never met a tidbit of gossip he didn’t Tweet to death, that she wouldn’t date Flay?

I’m still sensing hanky-panky in the kitchen.

Forget about the Taylor Swift and Katy Perry Feud, because there’s some old school divalicious about Mariah Carey and Jennifer Lopez.

It seems that JLo’s manager Benny Medina, also represented Mimi from 2003 to 2008, and then tried to get back into her career ruining, I kid, running, I kid, but JLo put the kibosh on it and renegotiated her contract with Medina to include a “No Mariah” clause.

I assumed that clause was standard practice in Hollywood.

I can’t help it … I love girls feuding. Especially when the girls are Vivica Fox and 50 Cent. And to think it all started with the rumors that Vivica once tossed 50’s salad, and the of Fiddy’s ass getting Vivica lip treatment raised its ugly head again when Fox appeared on Watch What Happens Live and Andy Cohen asked her about Fiddy’s Instagram post that blamed Empire’s second season ratings slump on the “extra gay stuff”:

Andy: What were your thoughts when 50 Cent blamed the second season ratings dip on “gay stuff”?

Vivica: First of all, um, you know the pot calling the kettle black is all I’m saying.

Andy: Pot calling the kettle black… So you’re not insinuating that he’s…  Vivica A. Fox, what are you insinuating?

Vivica: Well, I mean, no, he’s not. I mean, we had a good time. I mean, but he’s just, seems, like he’s got something that’s not quite clear. So….

Andy: You mean sometimes if people protest too much about something, that the actual fire is happening right there in front of them?

Vivica: Yes. Absolutely. I’ll just never forget there was a Vibe cover with him and Soulja Boy that made me go, “Hmm.” I’m just saying…

Andy: So you saw the cover and you thought… Were you with him at the time the cover came out?

Vivica: Absolutely not. Well, he looked like a booty snatcher on that one to me.

And so the feud was off and as soon as that episode of WWHL aired both 50 Cent and Soulja Boy went on the attack against Fox; Soulja Boy Instagrammed a picture of Vivica looking a little rode hard and put away wet … as we say here in Smallville’s horse country … and he added the caption:

“Everybody hit up this cougar...she’s single & ready to mingle …1-800-GrannyDesperateForAttention extension I’mWashedUp”

And then Fiddy took aim:

“Oh No!!!, Now she thinks I’m gay because I let her lick my Ass. LMAO. Wait, I didn’t want her to, she forced me, and my hands were tied. 50 shades of grey”

Sounds like a lot of protesting to me … and funny that Fiddy and Soulja both came for Vivica. Where there’s smoke, there might be flamers.

Since we already did some Snark Talk this week about Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani, and when they began banging, and with whom his ex, Miranda Lambert, may have been cheating with, and how her ex, Gavin Rossdale, suspected that Gwen was already riding Blake before his divorce, and before their divorce, except …

Right about the time Gwen and Gavin put the kibosh on their wedded bliss, rumors circulated about Gwen firing the nanny because maybe the nanny was, um, nannying Gavin, too.

And now there seems to be more rumors that, yes, Gavin was boning the nanny, Mindy Mann, for up to three years, including the years that Gwen was knocked up with their youngest kid. Gwen ALLEGEDLY found out about the Nanny Banging when another nanny — how many nannies do these folks need — read a slew of text messages, and saw some nude pics, between Mindy and Gavin on the family iPad.

Damn that technology! It makes it so much harder for bored male celebrities to bang the nanny without their wives finding out.

It's Snarkurday!

Taylor Swift and her pals — and by ‘pals’ I mean the people she brought with her to VMA after-parties and paid their bar tabs, their hair and make-up tabs, stylists and transportation bills — were apparently a bunch of mean girls to diminutive pipsqueak pop star, Arianna Grande, and her brother, hanger-on-with-n-real-job, Frankie, because Swifty demanded the duo be kept away from her and her friend$.

At first, people thought it was just Frankie because … who? … but Swifty made it clear that she wanted an Arianna-Free Zone.

Perhaps TayTay was serving donuts and she didn’t want to tempt Grande who has been known to tongue some sweet treats?

It pays to be a Food Network star and it pays to divorce one, too.

Giada De Laurentiis is officially divorced from her husband Todd Thompson, but not without coughing up some coins.

Giada will pay Todd $9,000 a month in child support and give him their $3.2 million Pacific Palisades home, as well as $300,000 in art and furnishings. He also gets to keep his membership in the swanky Bel-Air Bay Club. In return, Giada gets all rights to an untitled Italian cookbook and her production company, Linguine Pictures, as well as the rights to GDL Foods, Inc.

But, because there was no prenup, Todd will also get 50% of the unpaid advances for various cookbooks, including a $2.5 million balance for Giada at Home/Weeknights with Giada, $2.3 million for Giada Feel Good Food, and $757,000 for Everyday Pasta/Giada’s Kitchen.

Wow. I should’a married a Food Network star!

So, fired Real Housewives of Beverly Hill’s “star” Brandi Glanville is being sued by out-of-a-job Real Housewives of Miami “star” Joanna Krupa because Brandi claims Krupa’s vagina stinks.

Uh huh. And that led to the lawsuit for “slander, libel, defamation and/or intentional inflection of emotional distress”.

Uh huh. And that led to Brandi’s defense lawyers and their questions that Krupa must answer in a deposition:

“Is it your contention in this lawsuit that your vagina and/or vulva are odorless? If yes, please explain with specificity why your vagina and/or vulva are odorless.”

Yup. Krupa will have to prove she has a sweet-smelling va-jay-jay.

That is one jury I want to be excused from …

In other Real Housewives of Beverly Hills news … recovering alcoholic and public drunk, Kim Richards won’t be heading to jail … at least not for acting the fool at a posh hotel.

Richards struck a plea deal this week and will get three years’ probation, and she must attend 52 Alcoholics Anonymous classes and complete 30 days of community labor, like cleaning up a freeway or a hotel bathroom after a drunk vomits in there.

Oh, and she is banned from the Beverly Hills Hotel … for life ... though she’s still facing charges for shoplifting $612.00 worth of stuff from Target.

I wonder if Target will ban her for life as well.

In more vagina news … I sense a trend and I don’t like it … this one is for the books.

A few years ago, some strange fan, or fanatic, started an online rumor that pop star Demi Lovato had, um, flicked her vagina during a meet and greet. Not only that, but Demi apparently flicked her vagina, made fun of the fan’s weight, and made her cry.

Demi called it the most ridiculous experience she’s ever had with a fan and now it’s come back up again because the fan apparently reposted the story …

“[Lovato] was rude, not classy and she lost a long time lovatic that day. I walked into the $350 [meet and greet] and say hello she replies with ‘fat’ and I shook it off because I thought maybe I had heard her wrong. As I approached her and asked to do my pose she stared at me blank faced. I continued talking ‘you saved my life’ I say ‘you’re the reason I’m alive today.’ She looks me dead in the eye and says ‘you’ll die soon enough fatty’ and then whispered ‘obesity.’ I started crying I had never felt pain like this and she started laughing and said ‘are you crying? Stop it. Stop it now’ and she flicked my vagina. I headed out of the M&G section and that’s when Demi started speaking whale to me. I still can’t believe this happened.”

The girl also claims that Lovato exchanged twitter messages and Demi kept up the fat rant, though the girl has no proof.

Seriously? Vagina flicking? Is this a thing?

And back to Swifty, who has apparently left one Sir Ian McKellen homeless.

In a recent interview, Sir Ian tells of the time that he was evicted from his apartment by TayTay. Yup, it seems that Swifty had purchased Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson’s NYC apartment whilst Sir Ian was crashing there. And rather than let it continue, TayTay demanded he leave at once.

According to McKellen, he was “thrown out” a month before he was supposed to leave and ended up sleeping with hobbits or something; but he holds no grudge against Swifty saying:

“Well she bought it, she’s every right to take it over. I was just lodging there for free you know.”

But maybe Ian is a bit miffed, because Swift recently asked McKellen and his bestie, Patrick Stewart, to join her on stage during one of her LA shows but they both declined.

You don’t kick out Gandolf — he was Gandolf, right? — and then ask him to help you out onstage.

So, Tom Brady is now not guilty in the DeflateGate scandal, though a new one might be brewing on the home front.

They say they’re fine, but rumor has it that this summer has been tough — with Tom’s deflated balls, and Giselle’s inflated breasts, and Tom hanging out with Ben Affleck’s nanny in Vegas — and Tom has been “nasty and cold” to Gisele and everyone else while he dealt with DeflateGate drama.

And this week Tom appeared in a photo without.his.wedding.ring!

And we all know what means … he left it on the bathroom counter ... in Vegas ... and Affleck's nanny is now wearing it.

Tori Spelling needs money, y’all. I mean, her billionaire daddy left her just 800K in the will, and since she ran through that she’s been selling her life on reality TV and now people are so sick of her and her cheating-not-cheating-porn-addicted husband, that she’s had to come up with a new way to make some coins … besides getting a job.

She’s suing Benihana. Tori claims she suffered second and third-degree burns after slipping at the Encino Benihana last April and falling onto one of the restaurant’s signature table-side hibachi grills.

Spelling claims to have accrued medical expenses, “general damage” and wage loss—Wages? From what?—while she lolled about a hospital bed thinking of suing.

Tori? Dear? Get a job? Away from cameras and hot stoves? M’kay?

New Couple Alert:

Rosie O’Donnell and Tatum O’Neal are said to be having a “bicoastal” love affair.

Is that the PC term for it these days?

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Sad to report that Food Network Diva — and I don’t mean Bobby Flay, though he’d fit the title, too — Giada de Laurentiis and her husband of eleven years Todd have decided to end their marriage.

And fast; in Giada’s initial statement, she said she and Todd were separating, but a day later Todd dropped the D-word when he showed up at the courthouse bright and early to file divorce papers. Then Giada put away her Crock Pot and sped down to the courts, too, to file her own papers.

Doesn’t sound like it’s gonna be amicable …. Fingers crossed.

Giada and Todd’s marriage has weathered a lot of trouble, from their busy work schedules — though I don’t know what he does, but she cooks … a lot — and rumors of her being a big old cheater. Like the rumor that she banged perennial STD John Mayer, which no doubt might be a reason Todd raced to file papers; he had to get to the Free Clinic.

Rumor has it Giada met Mayer at a charity event hosted by that other serial cheater, Tiger Woods, in 2007, and then waited two years to get Mayer into the sack; or something.

An eyewitness tells of the time Giada and John “crossed paths” at the Boom Boom Room at The Standard hotel:

“Almost as soon as they saw each other, they left the room moments apart. Giada was leaning with her back against the wall, and John was right up against her. Giada was holding his hand and she just had a huge grin on her face. John had one hand on the small of her back. They looked like two people who were going to go home together.”

Well, they didn’t go home together — she has a husband and child at home — but they ALLEGEDLY went to another hotel together.

Another eyewitness ALLEGEDLY saw the two-some not long after at the Plunge Lounge atop the Hotel Gansevoort, where they were “extremely touchy-feely” before disappearing downstairs, where Mayer ALLEGEDLY ordered up ice buckets and towels at 1:30 AM. Giada left the hotel at 3 AM.

For her part, Giada says of Mayer:  “I’ve met him and he’s a great guy, but I just like his music.”

Likes his music? Now we know she’s lying. But this is no lie: the night before Giada announced her split, she was out drinking with her BFF Bobby Flay at Cecconi’s in Miami Beach, where they drank and laughed and giggled and looked like they didn’t have a care in the world; or like one of them wasn’t going to announce the end of a marriage a few hours later.

Now, Flay is married to actress Stephanie March but it’s long been rumored that he’ll bang just about anything … January Jones.

Just sayin’.

Found in the Bullshittery File: Just after Christmas, Kim Kardastrophe went to TMZ to talk about she wanted to get pregnant — figuring then Kanye would have to spend more than thirty minutes a month by her side — but that she couldn’t fly as much because her doctors want her to reduce the stress in her life if she wants to get pregnant again.

At first that just sounded like an excuse as to why she and her husband spend so little time together — apparently his doctor told him not to fly because then he’d have to visit his wife — and because Kim spent the fall jetting around the world pushing a fragrance or an outfit or her ass or that sex tape. And it also appears to be a full-blown lie because just this week Kim was at LAX leaving the country with Kanye, but without her baby.

Like I said, Bullshittery.

Okay we all know that Halle Berry’s husband, Olivier Martinez, loves to punch people. I mean, he beat up Halle’s ex-Baby Daddy Gabriel Aubry in 2012 if you remember, and assaulted a paparazzo at LAX in April 2013, and is now punching just about anyone.

One night while arriving at LAX, Halle was carrying baby Maceo in one arm and holding Nahla’s hand. Olivier walked ahead of them carrying the baby carrier, using it as some kind of shield to keep people away.

Well, one guy seemingly got too close and Olivier used the carrier to shove him back, causing the man to fall. The good news is that it wasn’t a paparazzo, but the bad news is that it was just an LAX employee and now Olivier is being investigated for battery.

Olivier might check into some anger management courses, because he’s rapidly becoming the French Kanye West.

High school girls and Frenemies for Life, Taylor Swift and Katy Perry are still feuding over ex-boyfriends and back-up dancers I guess.

Katy ALLEGEDLY tried to ‘sabotage’ Taylor’s last stadium tour, leading Taylor to ALLEGEDLY write ‘Bad Blood’ about Katy, which led to Katy calling Taylor a “Regina George in sheep’s clothing” on Twitter and on and on and yawn.

But Katy’s done with the stupid games, and plans on bringing out the big guns—and I don’t mean her augmented boobs. She plans to “get back” at Taylor during her performance on the Super Bowl halftime show by making it the best show ever!

Oooh, that’ll show TayTay.

A source — and it can’t be Lohan because she’s still “sick” on vacation — says:

“She wants to make a statement with her performance and show that she is the biggest female act in the world and she wants to show that to everyone including Taylor, who she has a feud with. In Katy’s eyes, no one can compete on her level. [She] will be doing something on stage during her performance that will be directed towards Taylor. She is working on it to be a visual or a lyric related jab.”

Maybe she’ll just ask the other cheerleaders to spell out We Hate Taylor while creating a giant pyramid.

Grow up girls, or else take it to the streets where this dog fight belongs.

Speaking of Swifty, she’s been boyfriend-less for a hot minute now and her well of Poor Me I Got Dumped songs must be running dry so she’s set her sights on another prize: Leonardo DiCaprio.

Now, while Leo is more content to bang models by the truck-load, Taylor seems to think that because she sang a song at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show one time that makes her close enough to be a model, and just ripe for Leo’s, er, plucking.

After which, she’ll dump him and write a new song, for which I have a title suggestion:

♫ ♪ He Said He Was a Leo, But He Was Just A Liar ♪ ♫

I smell Grammy!

When is Bill Cosby just gonna take a seat?

While performing in London, Ontario recently — one of the few venues that haven’t canceled his appearance in lieu of the dozens of rape allegations against him — a woman got up from her front row seat and walked past the stage when she was asked by Cosby where she was going.

She said she was going to the lobby to grab a drink to which Cosby responded: "You have to be careful about drinking around me."

Cuz rape jokes are fun … apparently … because the audience clapped like trained seals. But later, when a man later yelled at Cosby that he was a rapist, the man was removed from the theater.

Rule to remember: only Bill Cosby can make jokes about Bill Cosby being a serial rapist.

I’m.Devastated.

Apparently the bloom is off the rose for "Bachelorette" stars Andi Dorfman and Josh Murray, who, through a representative, issued a statement saying they’ve called off their engagement.

What kind of world has this become where a woman can’t go on a TV show, meet 26 guys, date thirteen, make out with six, get down and dirty with three, declare her undying love for two, pick one, get married and live happily ever after?

Oh.The.Humanity.

Sidenote: that Josh Murray is kinda hot. If he needs someone to hold him while he grieves the loss of his TV relationship, I'm available.