Why Is It ...

… that we have anger management classes but we don’t have stupidity management classes? You can be dumb but I can’t be angry?

… that you need to know that someone, somewhere, right now, is thinking of you and the impact you’ve made on their life, but it isn’t me cuz I think you’re an effing idiot.

… that people don’t understand that I’m not really a “people person,” I am more of a “one human at a time, by appointment only” kind of person ... “no walk-ins allowed.”

… that when my therapist asked what triggers me and I replied, “Nouns,” she didn’t understand until I added, “People, places and things.”

… that I just learned that the serving size for chips is ten; hell, I eat ten chips while trying to decide if I want chips.

… that people are just now learning how good water is for you … you want to lose weight, drink water … you want clear skin, more water … don’t like a person, drown them. Water is amazing.

… that people are all against cigarettes, sugar and booze now but forget who was there for you when your life fell apart; hint: it wasn’t broccoli.

… that people can’t understand why The Wizard of Oz is my all-time favorite movie? I mean, dropping houses on a bitch, making them melt and shiz, I live for that.

… that men don’t test anti-wrinkle creams on their ball sack first? If it gets wrinkles out of that, I’m buying that shiz in bulk.

Why Is It ...

… that as I get older I no longer dislike Mondays … I dislike the whole week.

… that I used to fall asleep and lay in one position the entire night. Now I rotate like a rotisserie chicken every fifteen minutes or a hip hurts.

… that when people say, ‘Bob you are out of fucking control,’ I hear ‘Bob, you are such a free spirit.’

… that more often than not I find out without even getting the chance to fuck around.

… that people need constant reminding that no matter how they feel about me, there’s nothing they can do.

… that after work I was so excited to get that raise. I mean, it was in medication dosage, but I’ll take any win I can get.

… that some people think I have no self control. I have actually cooked meals for men I should have poisoned but didn’t.

… that people need to learn that I may not put the sparkle in their eyes, but I will put the WTF wrinkles in your forehead.

… that I think the best way to get over somebody is with your car.

… that people don’t realize my social media posts are not targeted at anyone in particular, but if you feel offended I’m glad I could reach one person.

Why Is It ...

… that at first I am really shy but get to know me and I become a podcast.

… that most people don’t know that an orgasm is one of the healthiest forms of stress relief so when I tell you to go fuck yourself it’s because I care.

… that when I hear women talk about bleaching their assholes, I always wonder if they pour it over his head or make him drink it.

… that as soon as I give someone the benefit, here comes the doubt.

… that at work I am always asked to do things for which I am not qualified … like being nice to fucking idiots.

… that if I’m ever known as “the one who got away,” it will be from an asylum.

… that I am such a “who the hell touched my stuff, never mind, I found it” kind of person.

… that I’m only just now realizing that my personality falls between Mother Teresa and Mother F*cker.

… that trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.

… that my boss doesn’t understand that while I have decent problem solving skills, it’s in problem creating skills that I really shine.

Meme Dump

Bobservations

The other morning over breakfast I was chatting with Carlos and he said:

“What?”

I repeated myself and he said:

“What?”

“Are your hearing aids in?”

“Yes.”

Cut to a couple of hours later and I’m leaving for work. I tell him I’m going to take some of his Tic Tacs with me and head into the kitchen. I start to pour some Tic Tacs into my hand when one pops out and hits the floor … FROM THE LIVING ROOM … I hear:

“Are you throwing my Tic Tacs on the floor?”

That he hears! Selective hearing is real, y’all.

This is Tuxedo from January 28, 2021: 

Tuxedo is growing ever more annoyed by Republicans who think sedition isn’t impeachment worthy.

Sidenote: cut to 2025, and the GOP shuts down Congress for an early Summer recess so they don’t have to deal with the Epstein files and the fact that their leader is a predator and child raping liar.

Kim Davis, the Kentucky Kounty Klerk who went to jail a decade ago rather than issue a marriage license to a gay couple, is now petitioning the Supreme Court to overturn Obergefell v. Hodges.

I’d like her hairdresser to overturn that mass of swamp weed on her head.

It’s a fact that most mass shooters in the U.S. are straight white men, yet no one asks white politicians to answer for them. But Republicans think Zohar Mamdani should answer questions because the Manhattan shooter is Ugandan? That’s not public safety, that’s scapegoating; that’s racism.

And it’s enough. Vote every Republican out of office, every office in every city in every state.

Every so often there are cakes that just make you wanna jump for joy … and here there are!

They say the one way to shame a woman is to say she sleeps with a lot of men. And they also say to shame a man is to say he sleeps with men.

The conclusion seems to be that sleeping with men is considered shameful.

For the love of the Baby Cheeses explain to me why anyone would think this shirt is cool, or looks good, or seems like you didn’t drag it out of a dumpster and cut the hardened pit stains out of it so you could wear it in public.

I found something new to say when I meet a MAGAt and they wanna talk The Felon. Listen politely to  their madness and then quietly, calmly say:

He wasn’t shot. He didn’t win. He’s on the list.

And calmly stroll away; works every time.

This is Doug Mason, born in San Diego and a competitive athlete before becoming a much sought after model, but the real question is: Would You Hit It?

Christmas Meme Dump

Meme Dump